Reconciliation
The first day of 2018 dawns much like any other winter day in Wheeling, West Virginia. True, at a minus four degrees, it is a bit colder than normal. The ground remains blanketed in white. Apparently even the deer and other animals have no hopes of finding anything worth eating close to my home, as I can see no footprints marring this pristine white blanket.
At the gym I listen to news on NPR. North Korea is making some overtures to South Korea, which seems like a potentially positive step. Sadly, given the current state of the dialogue between the United States president and the president of North Korea I would not expect any similar overtures from either of those presidents.
I also listened to a October 2, 2017 Podcast of More Perfect in which the staff interview descendants of the Taney and Scott families regarding the Dred Scott v. Sandford 1857 Supreme Court decision. “In his decision Chief Justice Roger Brooke Taney wrote that black men ‘had no rights which the white man was bound to respect.’ One civil war and more than a century later, the Taney’s and the Scotts reunite at a Hilton in Missouri to figure out what reconciliation looks like in the 21st century.” One of the descendants suggests that reconciliation has three parts: Apology, forgiveness, and trust.” Another of the descendants suggests that current descendants do not need to apologize since they were not in any way responsible for the original mistreatment. Yet, others appreciate the apology and the seemingly emotional connection with the original pain.
I am again, on this first day of the New Year, aware of how much I value forgiveness by those I have actively or passively hurt in some way. I am also aware of how difficult it is for me to fully forgive those who have not apologized to me for deeds which were very hurtful. Although I can honestly say that I cannot conjure up any desire for revenge for any perceived hurt, I am aware that there are a few old resentments which occasionally emerge from somewhere inside my brain. Usually this happens when I am feeling drained of energy because I have not gotten enough rest, I am sick, or my energy balance is for a variety of reasons near or below zero. The strength of these resentments seems directly related to whether or not I have received what I experienced a heartfelt apology. It seems to me when I have received what I experienced as a heartfelt apology I am able to let go of the hurt at a deeper level. This also opens the door to the possibility of a trusting relationship. Obviously both people have to open the door for an actual trusting relationship to emerge. I only have control over my door. I also remind myself what Robert Enright stresses in his book Forgiveness is a Choice, A Step by Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope: the act of forgiveness is primarily done for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving. Holding on to anger or resentments is injurious to both persons but especially so to the one holding on.
As I begin the New Year I am grateful for the reminder of the enormous power of both the acts of apology and forgiveness.
Written January 1, 2018
The first day of 2018 dawns much like any other winter day in Wheeling, West Virginia. True, at a minus four degrees, it is a bit colder than normal. The ground remains blanketed in white. Apparently even the deer and other animals have no hopes of finding anything worth eating close to my home, as I can see no footprints marring this pristine white blanket.
At the gym I listen to news on NPR. North Korea is making some overtures to South Korea, which seems like a potentially positive step. Sadly, given the current state of the dialogue between the United States president and the president of North Korea I would not expect any similar overtures from either of those presidents.
I also listened to a October 2, 2017 Podcast of More Perfect in which the staff interview descendants of the Taney and Scott families regarding the Dred Scott v. Sandford 1857 Supreme Court decision. “In his decision Chief Justice Roger Brooke Taney wrote that black men ‘had no rights which the white man was bound to respect.’ One civil war and more than a century later, the Taney’s and the Scotts reunite at a Hilton in Missouri to figure out what reconciliation looks like in the 21st century.” One of the descendants suggests that reconciliation has three parts: Apology, forgiveness, and trust.” Another of the descendants suggests that current descendants do not need to apologize since they were not in any way responsible for the original mistreatment. Yet, others appreciate the apology and the seemingly emotional connection with the original pain.
I am again, on this first day of the New Year, aware of how much I value forgiveness by those I have actively or passively hurt in some way. I am also aware of how difficult it is for me to fully forgive those who have not apologized to me for deeds which were very hurtful. Although I can honestly say that I cannot conjure up any desire for revenge for any perceived hurt, I am aware that there are a few old resentments which occasionally emerge from somewhere inside my brain. Usually this happens when I am feeling drained of energy because I have not gotten enough rest, I am sick, or my energy balance is for a variety of reasons near or below zero. The strength of these resentments seems directly related to whether or not I have received what I experienced a heartfelt apology. It seems to me when I have received what I experienced as a heartfelt apology I am able to let go of the hurt at a deeper level. This also opens the door to the possibility of a trusting relationship. Obviously both people have to open the door for an actual trusting relationship to emerge. I only have control over my door. I also remind myself what Robert Enright stresses in his book Forgiveness is a Choice, A Step by Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope: the act of forgiveness is primarily done for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving. Holding on to anger or resentments is injurious to both persons but especially so to the one holding on.
As I begin the New Year I am grateful for the reminder of the enormous power of both the acts of apology and forgiveness.
Written January 1, 2018
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