​Unexpected connections – creativity, humor and physics
What if?
 
One of my goals in terms of mental, emotional and spiritual growth is to constantly questions my assumptions about other people, institutions and the world in general.  Professionally I invite those I call clients to open to a new way of connecting the pieces of the puzzle of life.  I assume that if this challenge is realistic and possible for others then it has to be for me as well.
 
Obviously, this is not always an easy task for most of us and certainly not for this human.   I too often find myself labeling people or institutions as progressive, conservative, closed, or open. I also label them according to what I consider their mission which may have little to do with the mission to which they claim an allegiance. I may label them as truly community oriented, power hungry, money oriented, or some other such label. Once I  assign a label, even if I am the only one privy to that assignment, I often filter out any information which is not consistent with that label or I find some way to discount new input.    None of this process is consistent with learning, creativity or growth of any kind.  
 
I was thinking about this one day this week in reference to a particular institution/organization. I imagined myself having a conversation with the CEO during which I was thinking about all my questions about the business practices of this institution.  The questions in my mind had to do with, “Are you still …?”   An answer of yes to any of these questions would immediately not only put this person on the defensive but render me less able to hear anything he might say. Thus the challenge for me would be to focus on  the beliefs and goals which we share.  In fact, if I am honest, I know that the stated values of this person are, in many respects, similar to mine.  What we may or may differ about is the cosmology of how to get from point A to C. 

I was still thinking about this as I listened to this week’s podcast of On Being with host Krista Tippett having a conversation with the Cosmologist Lisa Randall who is the Frank B. Baird, Jr. Professor of Science at Harvard University and whose books include:  Dark Matter and the Dinosaurs: The Astounding Interconnectedness of the Universe.
During the interview Dr. Randall distinguishes between physics – “set of the rules by which things work” and cosmology which “has to do how the universe itself evolved.”  For both areas of inquiry creativity is very important. Ms. Tippett states that a neuropsychologist  who is studying creativity suggested that “both creativity and humor requires that one allow for or make unexpected connections.”     Dr. Randall then go on to suggest that “a lot of kind of math-y people I know are really – enjoy wordplay a lot, too…”
 
No Matter what our field of study or our vocation if we are not open to unexpected connections – if we don’t play with possibilities – then we will not discover new questions or answers.  Whether it is the first musicians to suggest the use of dissonant chords, the first painter to offer a different perspective or look at something or someone, the first person to think that the human voice could run across a line of wire or later run up to a satellite and bounce back down to a very precise location, or the first person to suggest that all humans, even when arriving at one’s door  seemingly alone, actually arrive as one piece of a much larger system.
 
The ability to not take ourselves and our beliefs so seriously – to have a sense of humor - opens the door to new possibilities – new connections.  This applies to every human interaction as surely as it applies to cosmology, physics and, yes, math; just as surely as it applies to organizations, and  even how we think of individual, family, community, national and international health.  It certainly applies to how I think about and approach other individuals and groups of individuals.
 
If I begin to think of the institution I mentioned earlier as offering one approach to meeting the needs of a portion of the community without labeling that approach in terms of dualities – good/bad; right/wrong; moral/immoral – then I might be able to do my part of opening to an adult, open communication.
 
Many spiritual teachers with whom I have studies have suggested that one explore letting of dualities which, in turn, open up the possibility of new connections.   Bruce Alexander in the book “The Globalization of Addition – A Study in the poverty of the Spirit” invites us to think differently about addiction - as a way of adapting to dislocation.  He is not suggesting that this is a good or bad way of adapting, but it is a way of adapting. If he is accurate and I, along with a long line of system thinkers, would suggest that he is accurate, then the core issues are not the addiction but the dislocation. If dislocation is the issues than it seems to me the question becomes how we rebuilt community and culture.   If I have no connection to anything or anyone else who am I.
 
Scientists such as Dr. Randall have been asking this question about connection and how we formulate connections for a long time.  Where did we come from? How are we interconnected?  How are we connected to the universe or now universes?
 
Scientist always begin with silly – playful – questions.  What if the earth is round?  What if one posited a theory of relativity?  What if we could heat with the sun?   What if we could harness energy? What if bacteria play a role in illness and in health? What if one could use pig valves to replace human heart valves.    What if we could use a very tiny DNA sample to trace the entire migration history of our ancestors?
 
What if I allow for the possibility that all behavior takes place in the context of systems?  What of all people, places and things are more than the labels I attach to them?
 
As a child, we sometime played a game of “What if?” until we were so tickled that we ended up on the floor laughing.   What if we/I allowed the freedom of that humor to allow for many more unexpected connections in all walks of my life?   What if?
Written September 29, 2017
 
 
 

​Mental Illness or mental health
 
One day this week I was talking to a person I have known for some time.  He had just been released from the hospital where he was treated for depression and anxiety following a suicide attempt.   This man does have a history which includes deep clinical depressions – a physical/chemical  inability to feel connected, joyful, hopeful or able to problem solve.  Treatment with anti-depressants medication help change the chemical balance and, thus, decrease his depression.  He also, however, has a history of putting himself in situations which are very stressful and which drag him into other situations which are stressful, negative, and unpredictable.    His intention is to help people in this situation – people he dearly loves – but he is not strong enough to keep from getting sucked into the negativity and stress.   One of these situations involve a mother and her two adult, addicted sons.  The mother also struggles with addiction.  In this environment one needs to be constantly on guard since it is never safe to relax. One has no way of knowing if  it will be safe for ten minutes, an hour, or one day.  There is no predicting the mood or the behavior of addicts.
 
Keeping his body at the ready to deal with potential crisis situations also increases any physical pain he is having.  At some point, with or without a history of physical pain and depression anyone would find this a very depressing situation.  One is powerless to stay and may feel powerless to leave. If one stays one becomes as ineffective as the other people in this situation.  On the other hand, one is fearful that if one leaves someone in this situation may get hurt.  This feels like a catch 22.
 
In the beginning of the situation the person was explaining to me that the clinical depression had gotten so bad he tried to kill himself. I said that there were several issues here including:
 

• A clinical depression which can be treated.
• A normal/healthy reaction to a chronically unhealthy situation.
• An increase in the extent and intensity of his chronic physical pain which in turn aggravated the depression which in turn aggravated the pain all of his physical systems.

 
In other words, he has three major diagnosis:
 

• Clinical depression which was being treated.
• Chronic pain.
• Exhaustion and an overall very unhappy body.

 
While in the hospital, even allowing for the fact that hospitals are not necessarily restful, several things happened:
 

• His medication got adjusted.
• He got some rest.
• His ate better and what food he ate metabolized more effectively.
• He was able to  be more relaxed thus decreasing the physical pain.
• He was safe. Even though other mentally ill patients might be unpredictable he was not responsible for them.

 
The bottom line is that if he stays in the current situation living with these active addicts he will soon be again passively or actively suicidal.  He has to accept that those he wanted to help are not better and he is worse.
 
How chronic stress affects the body has been carefully tracked by studying those who live in active war situations either as civilians, military personnel or support personnel.   The body, step-by-step, begins to break down. Eventually one’s body will quit functioning.  One may first quit functioning mentally or physically but eventually all parts will shut down.   The human body is not designed to live in prolonged, chronic, stressful situations.    Given the marvelous design of our human body, it always lets us know when we have asked more of it than it can deliver.   If one is not able to make some changes in one’s  situation than the body will continue to send out mayday alerts until something changes or the body completely shuts down.
 
As mental health professionals or medical personnel we need to be very caution with both diagnosis and treatment.  We need to distinguish between a healthy response to an unhealthy situation and a chronic mental illness.  Obviously, there can be both, but my experience is that it is easy to explain all symptoms as chronic mental illness. When we do this, we are doing a disservice to the individuals.   Of course, there are those situations where a person cannot remove themselves from the chronic stress and all the clinician can do is to treat the symptoms until some other option is possible.
 
As medical personnel and mental health clinicians specifically trained to diagnose and treat mental illness, we need to be very cautions with diagnoses.  It is important to note in the medical records that one is making an educated guess based on current symptoms.  The person needs to be reevaluated at a later time. Two good examples are:
 

• A diagnosis of ADD in children.   If a bright child is in a boring environment and becomes restless they do not necessarily have ADD.  They are appropriately bored.  This may be a healthy response.
• A person with only a day or a few days in remission from active drug abuse.  Many, many clients in this situation have symptoms which mimic bipolar depressive illness. Some of them actually have a bipolar depressive illness. Many do not. Yet, I have seen many individual diagnosed and treated for bipolar illness based solely on the symptoms they have when a few days clear or sober.  My overall diagnosis at this point is usually having to do with physical and emotional withdrawal or just “pissed body”.
• The man I was describing earlier who does have a history of depressive illness has also been living in an extremely stressful and depressing environment for years.  Some of the symptoms are a healthy response to an unhealthy situation.  Some are symptoms of clinical depression.

 
Those individuals, including clinicians, trained to think in terms of systems are more likely to look at all the factors which might result in particular symptoms.   Perhaps we all would benefit from respecting the ability of the body to let us know when it is having a healthy response to an unhealthy situation. This is not mental illness. There may or may not be an underlying or accompanying mental illness.  Despite limitations of coding imposed by insurance companies and others, one needs to allow for these possibilities.
 
Written September 28, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Ask the daisy
 
Many of us will recall, as a teenager, allowing the daisy or some other plant or flower to decide, petal by petal, whether he/she loves or loves me not. One picks off a petal which stands for “she/he loves” and then one picks off the next petal which stands for “she/he loves me not.”.  The last petal decides the question.  Many will recall the existential angst over the fear that, in fact, she/she will love me not.  Of course, the myth is that this was an exercise solely engaged in by young females, but nearly every male I know has experienced such existential angst and addressed it in an equally unscientific manner.
 
I was thinking about these sorts of exercises this morning as I contemplated getting a flower or something with many parts so I would know whether a political proposal was good for the majority of the citizens of this nation.   This sort of debate and mistrust has been going on for as long as humans have looked to something outside of themselves to bolster or even prove their worth. I  recall my grandparents and their relatives and friends arguing over the relative worth of  political proposals which select politicians were claiming to be for the good of everyone.   The only difference between then and now as far as I am concerned is the amount of information and the variety of means of delivery of particular viewpoints. I can hear a plethora of very carefully considered opinions with the space of an hour or even less.  Very frequently all of the those offering an opinion present many facts and figures which makes sense. Then I listen to another very erudite and passionate speaker who presents a different set of facts and figures which often suggest a very different outcome.  Bills before Congress are often thousands of pages long.  Even if one has access to the entire documents one would be hard pressed to read it, research the potential outcome of proposals and  make an educated guess about who is helped and who is hurt by this bill.
 
We live in an age which has left us jaded and skeptical at best of what any politician tells us.  We wonder who is paying for whose campaign? Who really stands to gain?
 
That has been my feeling after listening to various “respectable” individuals dissect the various health care proposals.  I have no idea of who to believe. I could of course, decide to be very partisan about this decision.  I do not need a daisy for this. We have two primary parties in this nation We also have a third which is relatively small.  No matter which party the person says that they represent (the West Virginia governor ran and was elected under on party and has since changed parties.) we know that it has taken an enormous number of dollars to win the election. We also know that few politicians are running for only one term.  They want to be reelected. The reasons may indeed by very lofty, but lofty ideals will not get one elected.
 
It seems that the daisy system is as scientific as any method for deciding which proposal or candidate for which to vote. 
 
Occasionally some choices are easy. If a party, a candidate or a proposal is or appears to be racist, anti-gay, neo-Nazi, anti-Muslim the choice is clear. I will not vote for that candidate or support that policy. The choice is seldom that clear and even when it is that eliminates only one option.
 
A few other issues and a choices are very clear.  Yesterday, Tuesday, the 27th September, the Saudi Foreign ministry announced that a royal decree has been issued that will allow women in that country to drive by next June.  Currently Saudi women legally must have a male driver.  This decree is a huge step towards allowing women to determine that they can get from  home to work or other destinations by driving themselves.  It seems to me that although this change may be very threatening to those Saudi males who are the legal guardians of all women  and to the economy of the drivers who make their living from driving women and others, it is clear that there is no moral or scientific basis for not allowing women to drive.  Despite the claims of some males that women’s brains may be ¼ as large as male’s brains, there is no scientific studies which validate that claim.    Yet, I am sure that between now and next June there will be many arguments put forth which attempt to convince other that this is a Western, anti-religious move which will wreck the core of the fabric of the culture.
 
The argument will sound very similar to those proposed by many to forbid equal rights to all males and females regardless of religions, gender, marital status, age, education or other social differences or social constructs such as race.  The God of one’s understanding will be presented as The God who has created humans to be in different groups with different rights.   One can hope that the God of one’s understanding has highly efficient and durable ears to receive all the constant noise of the words which will be delivered as a pretense for worshipping God. 
Prayer will not be about praise. Rabbi Abraham Herschel suggests praise is the purpose of prayer.  Prayer will be about reminding the God of one’s understanding what “HE” (almost always a male god) intended and what “HE” needs to do to ensure that “HIS” wayward children do not do something as stupid as allowing females to endanger the lives of all and destroy the fabric of culture by driving.    After all, if women can indeed make decisions for themselves as well as drive themselves what need to they have of men?   If men are not in charge of women and women can do all the jobs that men do except produce and deliver sperm, then the only role for men is to deposit sperm in a cup. 
 
Of course, there is another option. That option is to work as partners with each other regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age, race, culture, religion or other factors.  This might even allow for the possibility of the various Gods of one’s understanding to partner. Imagine if they begin to blend with each other and together shepherd their various flocks.  Of course, this would  require humans and the various Gods of one understanding to posit the radical believe that all people are valued and valuable.  All have an important role to play.  Whether we are baking bread, comforting someone, planting and harvesting a crop, designing and then building a bridge, scrubbing the floors or driving a car we all are needed and all deserve to have access to food, clothing, housing, heat/air condition, and transportation.
 
It is ironic that in the day in which we are increasingly looking forward to driverless cars, mass transit and in general less reliance on the human whose ability to focus in limited at best, we may allow women to legally drive in Saudi.
 
One can hope, of course, that someone does not again propose that decisions about women can and cannot do be made via the daisy method.   After all, basing such decision of the fears of the impaired ego of the male is not much different than the daisy method.
 
She should drive. She should not drive.  A woman physician or engineer or attorney is capable of diving. She is not, She…
 
Written  September 27, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​“Zip it!”
 
Every morning I receive an email for Hazelden entitled “Today’s Gift”.  It is a short reminder of some spiritual lesson intended primarily for those dealing with  addiction issues.  I have found, however, that it is always a helpful reminder for me as well as several friends with whom I share it.  This morning the reminder was from Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson.  It was entitled, “Zip it.”  The first sentence was:  “Not every thought needs to become a spoken work.”   As so often happens this reminder reached me at a time when I was already attempting to zip my lips or more accurately to refrain from responding to an opinion expressed in an email by a very good friend of mine.  I had been surprised by the opinion since this friend and I often seem to share not only the same concerns, but the approaches to dealing with these concerns.  My friend had expressed her opinion in very strong terms.  I wanted to tell her why I thought she had completely missed the point of the reason for the action.   Despite the fact that this is a very educated and thoughtful person I was convinced that I needed to not only share my thoughts but explain why my thoughts were more accurate than hers. 
 
Part of me immediately knew that if I was going to respond  the most reasonable  response was to ask her if she could share with me the reasons for her opinion. Another part of me reasoned that the issue was one that we would continue to disagree about and, thus, did not need any response.  Yet, another part of me reasoned that  my motivation for addressing this issues could  be a need to be  prove my opinion the “right” one.  Then I had to ask myself why I would need to be right and my friend wrong.  It was and is, after all, an issue which leaves open many possible opinions none of which are based on scientific facts.
 
This friend of mine and I share many common values. We do, however, have opposing opinions on many different subjects.   We also have some very different areas of expertise. I am not threatened by her expertise nor is she threatened by mine.  We learn a lot from each other.  
 
Obviously, there is no rational reason why we need to agree on this issue or that one of us needs to right and the other one wrong.
 
I choose not to respond to her opinion.  There might be a time when I will share the internal struggle which ensued after I read her opinion.  There might also be a time when I will ask her to share more about how she arrived at her passionate opinion.
 
Given the very solid nature of our friendship I have no idea why I felt such a strong desire to  express my opposing opinion.  It was not an issue which directly affects the core of our friendship.  It was not an issues which should threaten me or make me fearful in any way. Yet, there I was with this powerful desire to express and justify my opinion.    Of course, I would like to think that I have no need to be right!  Yet, I am sure that I am not 100% cured of that habit which is very common for us humans.  At any rate, I will keep being intentional about zipping up my lip or keeping fingers off of key board. Oh yes, I will also resist any temptation to be bit by the tweeting bug!
 
Written September 26, 2017
 

​Surprise!
 
In a conversation between Krista Tippett, the host of the weekly podcast, On Being and Arnold Eisen, author and chancellor of The Jewish Theological Seminary in New York City, about the life and work of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Herschel, the Rabbi is quoted as saying that “An individual dies when he ceases to be surprised. I am surprised every morning that I see the sun shine again.  When I see an act of evil, I am not accommodated.  I don’t accommodate myself to the violence that goes everywhere; I’m still surprised.  We must learn how to be surprised, not to adjust ourselves. I am the most maladjusted person in the world.”
 
I was  just saying in an email to a friend that I am surprised that we very bright, creative humans are so stupid that we think that we can end violence by being more violent; that we can abuse others to prevent abuse.  I was remarking about an interview I heard with a young man who is a member of the far right group which just won a place in the new government that German President Merkel will be forming.  This young man was abused as a child and sees the Neo-Nazi beliefs of this group as a way to prevent future abuse of children. He actually believes that having the illusion of an Aryan race in charge  will  guarantee no more abuse.  I did not hear the predominant race of his father who might well identify as Aryan.  I have listened to the talk of a lot of frightened, ego depleted individuals in many countries including the United States who convince themselves that excluding certain races, religions or cultures will create a more just society.   I am surprised at the sheer ignorance of this and, yet, I know I, too, am capable of just jaded thinking.
 
I am surprised that any of us  humans can so limit our thinking that we exclude what is well known.  Yet, I am equally surprised that other humans can fail to see the pain of those who adopt such a delusional system.  So many of us, if not careful, do not see  beyond the fear which lies beneath the hate.  The fear is, “What if I do not count? What if I am not worthwhile?”
 
As is Rabbi Herschel, I am surprised by the sunshine, the fall plants which contain the code of beautiful flowers, the ability of some actors I saw yesterday who memorized disconnected lines in the  play which is a farce.  I listen to the music of Bach, Beethoven, Chopin, or a host of others and am overcome with tears.   I see a  person who many years ago when I was eating dinner alone sent over a gift.  I run up to give him a hug and a kiss.  He is still managing restaurants but he is also an actor. I wake up in the morning and am amazed that even with the slight ache of a cold I can move my body and even feel ever part of it.
 
I listen to some Ted Talks on consciousness and am delighted with the ideas that others are offering.  I hear, “What if there are levels of consciousness in all of life?” 
 
Many wise teachers have suggested that we hold on to or reclaim that sense of wonder that most of us had as children. We explored the world with touch, taste, smell, sight and force.  We played with the tension between our body and whatever object we encountered – the floor, a wire, a cupboard door, a hand, a nose  or some other body part. We were surprised with the amazing comfort of lying our head on the breast of a parent or the soft touch of a kiss.  We sucked until we were fed. We cried when we were hurt or tired.
 
We were, in other words, constantly surprised. We did not judge although we may have cried when we experienced discomfort.  We might have learned to generalize so that much of the world might have become off limits. We might have accepted our small world as the world and ceased being delighted or surprised.
 
Professor Eisin talks about a young Rabbi who took the kids out of a boring, insipid, irrelevant service and introduced them to people such as Rabbi Herschel who was  never boring.
 
It is my experience that when we adults become predictable  we become boring.  When we demand blind obedience to a church, a God, a country, a family, a person we become irrelevant. When we fail to see the joy and the pain of others or fail to react to that pain and joy – we become irrelevant.
 
We can reclaim our sense of awe, surprise and, yes, relevance.  We can become loyal to the world which is ever changing and not hold on to a particular God, Country, race, religion, or way of being. 
 
I recall as a young man that there was a restaurant chain called Howard Johnson’s which offered, I believe, 28 flavors of ice cream.   This included  Banana, Black Raspberry, Burgundy Cherry. Butter Pecan, Chocolate, Chocolate Chip, Coconut, Coffee, Fruit Salad and so forth.
 
When I was in my twenties and finally had the means to get any ice cream I wanted, I often said to the server, “Surprise me.”
 
I think that we can sample all 28 flavors and perhaps more.  We only have to open ourselves to being surprised.  Life does not have to be boring, irrelevant, or insipid.  We do not have to accept the limited thinking of behavior which some would call evil.  Violence is unacceptable.  Racism is unacceptable.   Bullying is unacceptable.   Boredom is unacceptable.
 
It is time to taste, touch, feel, smell, see the world as a fresh experience.  It is time to taste 28 or perhaps 100 flavors.
 
It is time to live.
 
 
Written  September 25, 2017

​Grandma says:   Pack your Epson Salt
 
When I was growing up and, after age 5, living in the country, far from a local drug store, and in an extended family who had survived the great depression as well as the World War II rationing, one did not have a medicine cabinet full of either prescribed or over the counter remedies.  Actually, I do not recall an actual medicine cabinet -  even in those modern homes which had an inside bathroom.   There might have been a shelf which contained a basket for hair curlers, shaving brush and soap, lye hand soap, Bayer aspirin, perhaps Ex-lax, and a carton resembling the more modern quart milk carton of Epson Salt.   There also  might have been some “feminine products” which were certainly not left out for public display.   I do recall my father having a supply of what I think was called Bromol Seltzer for headaches and Tums for indigestion.
 
The main item which I remember being given for just about anything which ailed me or my siblings was Epson Salt.   I have no idea whether this was true in the home in which my mother grew up, but once our mother was married to Grandma Fannie’s only  child, she was taught how to cook, clean, and care for children.   Once we moved to Oklahoma we were far away from Grandma Drake. Our only contact between mother and Grandpa Drake was occasional letters.   Grandma Fannie was the matriarch who shared all she knew with my father’s wife, our mother, about how to care for herself and her family.   One the very early gifts must have been a large box of Epsom Salt which in 1945 cost an average of about $1.40.  
 
I am not sure what made me think of Epsom Salt today. Perhaps it is because I have had a cold and am feeling a little achy.  My friend Marv, a physician, suggested I get a particular over the counter homeopathetic  cold medication which I did.  Later I started thinking about the fact that for years, after I left home I heeded Grandma Fannie’s advice and made sure I had an ample supply of Epsom Salt.  That got me to wondering if Epsom Salt was still available as the cure for many ailments or discomforts.   I googled Epson Salts and was rewarded with hundreds of hits including one which offered to remind me of the 20 or 25 uses of Epsom Salt.   Most of the suggestions involved adding it to water and then soaking all or parts of one body in it. The magnesium sulfate is easily absorbed into the body and will, it is claimed, promote the production of serotonin as well as other benefits.  It will also relieve feelings of anxiety, reduce pain and cramping, regulates fluid retention, improves circulation, and taken orally or transdermally help to regulate blood sugar, and relieve constipation.  Additionally, it will soothe sprains and bruises, keep feet healthy, and a host of benefits to the health of one’s body and even one’s garden. (naturallvingideas.com).
 
It seems that Epsom Salt continues to not only be available but to be touted as an all-around aide to one’s health.    It is readily available, even on Amazo,  in quantities as large as 50 pounds and as small as 18 ounces.  
 
I recall that taking it as a laxative or internally for any reason was a rather gross experience.  As a child, I thought that perhaps it was a sneaky way for grandmothers and mothers, to quickly reduce “excuses” for not completing  chores or homework.  Grandmother Fannie and my mother might be deceased, but I am still cautious about complaining out loud for fear that the spirit of Grandma Fannie or mother will take over and force me to drink  a mixture of Epsom Salt and water.   In the 59 years since I obediently packed my Epsom Salts I have not had any physical symptoms which demanded the oral administration of Epsom Salt.  Sadly, it has also been many years since I have remembered to  draw a bath and mix in a little Epsom Salts to ease normal aches.  
 
There are many claims, which purport to be backed by some scientific studies, that the chemical, magnesium sulfate, does indeed have a number of health benefits as well as some for the garden and other home issues.  Although I did not check all the hits I did not locate any which suggested harmful effects of using it.
 
Grandma Fannie would not be surprised that her old fashion medicine continues to be an inexpensive and helpful remedy for a variety of health and home issues.  Although, as Grandpa Ed and she aged, they did add some medications to their medicine cabinet, I am sure that Epsom Salt remained a stable.
 
Thanks to ever present Alexa, my Amazon shopping basket now contains Epsom Salt.
 
Thanks, Grandma Fannie.
 
 
Written September 25, 2017

 

​Sunday Musings – September 24, 2017
 
It has been my habit for many years to listen to Prairie Home Companion on Saturday night with Garrison Keeler as host.   Garrison is now retired from that program.  Chris Thile is now the host.    I still, when home, listen to it, but must admit it has been difficult not comparing Garrison and Chris. Both are very bright, talented individuals.  Both bring many talents to the program. 
 
One of the regular features of the program when Garrison Keeler was host was the report from Lake Wobegon.  The report would usually begin with “It has been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon.”  He would then go on to report what some might have labeled as the gossip.  He would relay stories  of people in his fictitious community  of Lake Wobegon.    The segment was enjoyable because he had a way of talking about the everyday joys, hurts, and fears  which create the dance which consumes much of the life of those living in a close knit community.  He would poke fun in a way which left the listener knowing that he was simply embracing the humanness of all of us.
 
Some or perhaps many of us no longer live  in a community surrounded by extended family and people we have known since we were very young.   Many do. In the community in which I am living  there are many people who have lived here their entire lives and continue to be surrounded by extended families and friends who occasionally get angry at each other and do not speak.  Everyone knows who is struggling with addiction, whose children are the super achievers whose only purpose in life is to make everyone else’s children look inadequate, who may be cheating with someone else and even how much money a person really has.  When tragedy strikes this same group of people gather with helping hands, their signature casserole, and an abundance of love.    This is community.
 
Even for those of us who have moved a lot during their adult lives and have not lived in the same community in which they grew up can and often do experience a sense of community when there is a major floor, hurricane, tornado or another natural event.  Recently in Houston, Southern Florida, the Caribbean Islands and India old hurts, slights, and other grievances have been put aside to gather as a community to share hands and any other resources that they have.
 
Humans are tribal by design. Some part of us knows that we are meant to gather with and for each other to celebrate, grieve, laugh and provide all manner of practical help.  At the same time, most of us need some measure of privacy or alone time.   Sometimes when we live in close quarters with each other as we now do in many places in the world we have a difficult time balancing the need for alone time and the need for community. Sometimes we are very restrictive in who we accept as community.  We divide by so called class, wealth, color, age, profession and all manner of artificial differences.     Last night while I was nursing a cold I watched the movie Titanic.   On this ship were those with old money, those with new money, those is steerage section, the officers, the  other “help” and those who did the hard work of shoveling the coal to feed the engines.  One’s worth or lack thereof is determined on the basis of these artificial divisions. When the young artist from the steerage compartments falls in love with the woman  from the first class compartment some cheer and some are very upset.  Yet, in the end, when the ship is destroyed and eventually sinks all that is left is  a large community of people  many of whom will  die.
 
It has been a quiet week here in Wheeling, West Virginia.  We have danced as a community and as individuals.  We have hurt ourselves and each other and we have loved each other.  We have created and we have destroyed.   We have become invested in our little life dramas and, yet, in the end we know we are community. 
 
I go to the gym, the green grocer, a local restaurant and I visit with various ones.  While visiting I incidentally shop, eat, enjoy a local play production, get new brakes on the car or buy stamps at the post office.   I now order on line, particularly on Amazon a which does not allow me to visit. Now, however, I have Alexa and I can visit with her while ordering from Amazon.  Yes, I know, that she is not the friends working at the green grocer or the gas station.  I know she is not “real” but I even she allows me to act as if …. 
 
Here in Wheeling, West Virginia it has been a quiet week.  People are loving or hating local or national politicians, for or against the roads project, judging or identifying with those struggling with addiction and other “dis eases”, getting cars repaired, shopping at Lowe’s and, yes, gossiping about and with each other.  It is community.
 
Now off to the gym I go to visit while I incidentally exercise.
 
 
Written September 24, 2017

​Answering the call
 
I again indebted to Krista Tippett, host of the podcast, On Being, for the 2008 rebroadcast on September 21, 2017 of her conversation with  Arnold Eisen chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York City.  He is author of many books and writes a blog called “On my mind.”  The conversation was about the life and work of Rabbi Abraham Joshua, “a mystic, a 20th-century religious intellectual, a social change agent. 
 
Rabbi Heschel is one of those people whose influence on my life and my thoughts have been profound and, yet, as is true for so many  of my thoughts, I had forgotten the source of these thoughts. So often I look back at the roads that I have traveled and then remember someone such as Rabbi Herschel. I say to myself:  “Oh!  Rabbi Herschel’s, God in Search of Man and many other books in which he challenged me to think outside of the many boxes I have attempted to live.”
 
Once again I encourage all readers to listen to or read the transcript of this On Being podcast.  For those who may not be familiar with Rabbi Herschel’s  often wise and thought provoking thoughts his books are readily available at most public libraries or for sale at your favorite book sellers.
 
The title of one of the Rabbi Herschel’s  books, God in Search of Man, prompted me to again contemplate and re-examine my beliefs about He/She that we call God or “I am” and what it means to be in relationship with this God.   First, of course, I want to think about why God would be in search of man/humans.  Generally, we have thought of God as this omnipotent being who is in charge of the universe(s).  Our prayers are often supplications for intervention in matters of health, finances, natural events or relationships.  Occasionally our prayer may be “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”  Arnold Eisen in his conversation with Krista Tippett reminds us that Rabbi Herschel posits that the purpose of prayer is to give praise.   Ms. Tippett quotes Rabbi Herschel from an unreview with Carl Stern:
         “First of all, let us not misunderstand the nature of prayer, particularly in Jewish tradition. The primary purpose of prayer is not to make requests. The primary purpose of prayer is to praise, to sing to chant, because the essence of prayer is a song, and man cannot live without a song.  Prayer may not save us, but prayer may make us worthy of being saved. Prayer is not requesting. There is a partnership of God and men.  God needs our help.”
 
There we have it.  Beginning with the “I am” (Elohim) definition or name of God in the Old Testament, there is no whole without the parts. The parts are not the whole and, yet, they are an essential part of the whole.  In this sense, we acknowledge that we are part of the whole – that we are called to come home to that wholeness – to give thanks for being an essential part of that whole.   Paradoxically we can only offer up that prayer of praise if we are able to give praise for who we are. That requires that we know ourselves and to know ourselves requires that we be vulnerable.  It is only within the context of that vulnerability that we are free to connect with our part of the song – to truly exist. 
This song of praise requires that we be passionately present- that we sing from the deepest part of our soul.   
 
I was talking to a man who is in recovery for drug addiction. He explained to me what he likes and misses about the high – that feeling of being free from pain or stress.    Later that same day we heard a speaker at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting who I have known for many years.  This man, who I will call Glenn, is passionately grateful, in all his humanness, for being able to be in recovery.  He exudes passion – his pain and his joy. He forces one to be present with him or to leave.  One cannot just sit and listen.   I asked the man I was talking to earlier how being present with the speaker compared to the high he got when taking certain drugs. He said it was the same high.   Nothing I could have said to him would have brought this truth home to him better than the talk by Glenn. 
 
Glenn was present with God – present to everyone in the room who could hear his voice.  He has claimed his place in the whole and is ready from this space to do the work of creating a more just and loving world. 
 
It is not surprising that Rabbi Herschel joined Martin Luther King in his work to truly free the  slaves of racism, poverty and all forms of oppression.   Rabbi Herschel was called to teach which he did in the classroom, in books and with his feet. 
 
When the 12 step programs call one to be part of a “we” I hear the same call which Rabbi Herschel heard. It is the same call which challenges all of us to sing our song of praise. We cannot do that if we are attached to proving our worth and/or hiding our vulnerability.   We have to be fully present as the humans who is in the words of the late Louise Hay “perfect in our imperfection”.
 
We are called to come home to  our role in being a part of the whole – a part of “I am”.
 
 
Written September 23, 217
 
 
 

​Creating a safe space
 
Those of us who are clinicians may have heard ourselves asking  our patients/clients, “Why did you lie?”  I cannot help you when you lie.  Just tell me the truth?” Of course, we already know why the child and the patient/client lied to us. They did not want to be punished or chastised for their behavior.   They may not be ready to change their behavior and, yet, are not ready to let go of the relationship with the parent or the clinician.  They may feel embarrassed or ashamed.
 
Seldom do we then ask the patient/client “How can I make it safer for you to tell me the truth.”  Of course, this assumes that we really are ready to focus on making the space safer for truth telling. There are, of course, certain actions or behavior we cannot  tolerate.  We cannot, for example:

• Keep prescribing certain medications if the patient is taking something which had a negative and possibly life threatening interaction with the prescribed medication.
• Condone or allow behavior which endangers self or others
• Keep secret any known or strongly suspected threat or other danger to a child.
• Allow use of illegal drugs on premises of office/facility or home.
• Engage in behavior with the client or patient which would seriously blur the roles of clinician and patient/client and, thus, result in the clinician being less objective.

 
It is thus within this context that everything possible must be done to create an atmosphere of openness and trust.  This can be very difficult some of the time and impossible at other times. Both clients/patients and clinicians come into this relationship with a history.   Although clinicians  may be very intentional about identifying and guarding against their history and consequent prejudices affecting the relationship with the patient/clients said history will affect the relationship to a greater or lesser extent. The patient/client  may be very fearful of trusting the clinician or very fearful of letting go of some self-administered medication or other treatment for fear of not being able to function in some way. 
 
At times, it may not be possible to create a safe place.  Something about the clinician may trigger a very acute fear. In that case, on will want to help the person find a safe  person with whom to talk.  A healthy clinician will not take the need to do this as a personal affront.  The goal is for the patient/client to get what they need.  It does not matter who is able to provide the safe space.
 
The reader will now be aware that the goal is to problem solve and not to punish, rebuke, make the child or patient/client or the clinician feel bad.    There is no reason to blame one person in the dynamic.  At times one may realize that a certain approach is not working to create a safe place.  That is fine.  One can try another approach.
 
We live in a culture which may make it seem that it is necessary to assign blame or punish someone when an approach to any situation is not working.  This is not to say that any of us quits learning.  One may be doing something which is not helpful or even destructive.    I worked for/with a clinician who would scream at parents and children when they did not behave as he thought they should behave.   Clearly that was not appropriate or effective therapeutic behavior.  I have also worked with teachers who really did not like the students with whom they were working. Clearly, one either needs to resolve the issues which lead to this attitude or decide that one is better suited for another profession.    If one is using a problem solving approach one will do one’s best to identify the problem/issue and then explore various solutions which honors the dignity of all people involved.
I recall a story of a school counselor who had advised a student to ask her mother if it would be okay if she came to live with her.  The father with whom the girl had been living  was very angry and came in to see the counselor. The counselor did not berate the parent but merely said to him, ‘You must love your daughter a lot.” The father immediately began to weep.  They then were able to talk about the fact that dad was so worried about his daughter that he would get very angry if she was doing something which he feared would have negative consequences.  The father also did not realize that the daughter needed some pieces she could only get from the same sex parent.   The counselor could have berated the father for his anger, but he clearly recognized the pain beneath the anger.  By not getting sucked into the angry space and not responding with anger, the counselor was able to create a space which was safe for the father to express what he was really feeling.
 
It is not always easy to  take a problem solving approach.  When one is tired, it is easy to react with “Why did you lie?” or “I  am tired of your lying.”  It is always helpful to take a moment to access one’s energy level. The 12 step program talks about HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired.   When one is in HALT one is much more likely to just react.  If one recognized that one is in HALT one can sometime postpone dealing with a situation.  
 
If I hear myself asking a why question or being negative I know that I am not in a problem solving space. I am just reacting. That is when I need to take a break and, when possible, let the other person know that I need to deal with this situation later.  The goal is to find out how to make it safe to tell the truth or to find another space which is safe.
 
Written September 22, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Cojones - small or large
 
This morning I read or heard someone comment (I cannot now locate the source) describing the bellicose, threatening speech by President Trump to the General Assembly of the United Nation, as “Finally a president with balls.”   Once again, I found myself wondering about the use of  certain parts of the human anatomy to describe a character trait.  In the case of the word balls, the Spanish word cojones or the more formal testicles, there seems to be a long history of associating the quality of courage with the size of the male genitalia. Historically, frequently, large testicles are synonymous with potency, strength or courage although there is a “strain in Classical art associating heroic virtue (including courage) with small testicles and comic figures with grotesquely exaggerated members.” *
 
There are also instances of using the words balls or the Spanish word cojones to indicate courage with speaking of the action of a woman.   For example, the former United States Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin said of the then Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, “She has the cojones that our president does not have.” *
 
Historically the Greeks were not bashful about using sculptures of male genital to denote strength or fertility such as with Pan, the son of Hermes.    Ancient Indian culture also makes use of the phallus as a symbol of Shiva, one of the deities of the Hindu religion.   In ancient Rome, the phallus -the fascines  or fascinum - was often used as a symbol of manhood, marital sex or security It could also refer to the deity himself.
 
In the United States, as in other countries, the words cojones and balls are frequently used to refer to physical courage although I have, on occasion, heard it used to refer to moral courage.  Most males seem, however to have a difficult time associating it with the challenge of Jesus to turn the other cheek.
 
Physically, as is obvious, only males have testicles or balls thus lending support to those who continue to equate leadership  of the family, community, country, or company with males. 
 
At the same time, again in the United States and many other countries, moral leadership of the family is often assigned to the mother.  Yet, the sort of leadership which President Trump was advocating towards countries such as Venezuela and North Korea  has  more to do with physical strength of weapons and the courage to out bully the bully.
 
If I honestly, as a male,  believe that my strength lies in my physical strength and, thus, in the health of my testicles (personal or in the form of weapons) and the courage to engage in physical battle it would behoove me to do all that I can to enhance the health of my testicles and  to be prepared to built up my arsenal of guns and other weapons.
 
Those who are regular readers of this blog or who personally know me will not be surprised to learn that I do not think that my strength lies in my testicles, my personal physical strength or a willingness to use weapons such as guns to kill those I believe are a threat to me (even if their threat is a response to my historic threat).  My personal belief is that the strength of all us lies in our courage to live by a set of beliefs which honors the sacredness of all of the universe(s).  I also believe that, Sarah Palin not withstanding, I will learn more about strength from my female’s friends (and some males to be sure) and heroes than I will from those males (or females) who are physically the strongest and/or have the largest arsenals of weapons such as guns.  
 
I did not find the bully speech of President Trump  courageous or admirable in any way.  While I am committed to finding a way to reduce nuclear weapons  or any threat of violence of one nation or group against another, I do not believe that history will show that long term peace is achieved with violence.  While I do not believe that despotic dictators are moral in any sense of the word, I also do not think that accepting the invitation by a bully to engage in a “pissing contest” will prove effective on the long run.   If we, as a nation, are truly concerned about human rights and the long term security of all people we will commit ourselves to finding ways of reducing our nuclear arsenal, of selling and giving fewer weapons to other countries, reducing guns in the United States, and finding ways of insuring decent housing, adequate food, and quality health care to all.   We will treat the mentally ill not as criminals but as sacred human who need safe, humane, loving care.   We will treat the addicted with the same care.  We will no longer teach our children that bigger and more is better but will take and use only what we need and take time to enjoy our individual and collective dances.
 
In short we will revise our thinking and then our language to reflect a new understanding of strength, virility and courage.
 
 
 
 
*Juliet Lapidos in an article on Slate.com entitled “A Ballsy Explainer, when did testicles become courageous?”
 
 Written September 20, 2017