Sunday Musings - August 30, 2020

It occurs to me this morning as I reflect on the week which has just ended and prepare for the new week beginning today I could easily write about the fierce storms, fires and other acts of Mother Nature (sometimes aided by us humans) which visited this week,  the struggle for racial justice in United States and other countries, the decisive and ugly political rhetoric which continues in this (and other) countries, the tragic decisions which many must make regarding health care, fiancés, care of family, the political contamination of decisions regarding COVID-19, the individual struggles with mental illness or a host of other issues which affect the community.

It also occurs to me that I could follow the advice of Grandma Fannie to “clean up my own back yard before I focus on that of others”.   Cleaning up my back yard would require what friends and clients who work a 12-step recovery program suggest;  I strive to practice the HOW of the program.   The HOW of the program is “honesty, open mindedness, and willingness”.   Any of us who has attempted to sincerely practice the HOW know that this  presents an ongoing challenge.   For example, what seems honest to me today may, upon further willingness to open those safes in my mind,  reveal truths which I may be somewhat embarrassed to admit, or I want to avoid  sharing with myself and others.

Obviously, I know that my ego or sense of self-worth is based on feeling and often still believing  that I “should” be further along in my spiritual journey than I am.   I may, for example, want to believe that I am less judgmental of others than I am.  I may like to think that I am less concerned with my own feelings than I am with the feelings and needs of others.   I may want to believe and want others to believe my feelings for certain others are not never lustful or sexual.   I may want to believe that my love for my son is without any expectations or conditions; that I am perfectly okay with his belief that communication with me is bad for his emotional health.    I may want others to believe that I am more self-contained and not envious of those with seemingly healthy romantic or partnership relationship.  I may give others the impression that I no longer ruminate about all the “sins” of my past; especially those for which I cannot make amends.   I may, in short, deliberately or unwittingly not openly practice allowing others to “see” me instead of the carefully costumed and controlled facsimile I present to much of the world.

My  spiritual teacher reminds me to “just notice” all of the above.  This then may allow me to willingly open to the honesty which reveals me as I am today; not the “I” I revealed yesterday and not the “I” I will reveal tomorrow but the “I” am today with all that I appear to be and all that I that I am beneath the costume.

I will remind myself that in this brief life experience nothing much matter except that, for today, I do my best to walk the talk; to practice the HOW; to accept my humanness; to invite others to laugh with me and not at me; to clean up my own backyard of each piece of garbage to reveal the flowers which have been hidden beneath those same pieces of garbage.


Written August 30, 2020
Jimmy  Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Moral or immoral
 
One of the questions which theologians, philosophers  and spiritual leaders have grappled with over the centuries has been the question of morality.   Sadly, the answer to this question has been complicated by:
 

• Various religious leaders claiming to know what the alleged one true god or gods expected or demanded of his/her believers or subjects.
• Often there were seemingly two sets of rules;  one for the aristocratic/royal/ruling/wealthy class and for the lower/poorer/working class.
• Until very recent history information flowed largely to the ruling class or so-called educated class.
• There was  confusion or disagreement about whether the welfare of  the majority should decide what was good or moral or whether some things were intrinsically moral.
• The suspicion that rules about morality were intended to control or keep the lower/working/poorer classes in line so that they did not threaten the power of the ruling/upper/royal, aristocratic class.
• The myth that the distribution of wealth and other  earthly rewards were given to those who deserved them or those who pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps regardless of oppressive laws and rules which ensured that many individuals or groups of individuals would not have access to the means to move out of poverty or other dire circumstances.

 
Increasingly,  the myth and/or hypocrisy of these overt and covert rules is more available to much of the population.   Whether it is the authority of the law, religious leaders or others it is increasingly impossible to pretend as if morality is defined the same for all. No matter what the laws of a nation state or religious body dictate it is obvious the same moral rules do not apply to all.  Whether it is tax breaks given to the rich, authority and protection given to the church leaders, power given to the one with the  more  and most powerful weapons, or the power of connection to the most expensive and skilled attorneys it is increasingly obvious that we continue to live  even here in the United States as Isabel Wilkerson proports in her recent book Caste:  The Origins of Our Discontent divided by caste with very different rules for each group or caste.
 
How then is one to determine what is moral or immoral.  If we give up the delusions that the church authorities or the state authorities/rule-law makers are qualified to discern or proclaim what is moral,  what are the criteria or parameters for rules/moral which would please the gods or at least be universally true?  Perhaps we could begin with the following criteria for discerning what is moral:
 

• Moral imperatives must apply equally to every person while also allowing for situational differences.
• If situational, money, class, or power cannot be the factors which determines if something is moral.
• They must not benefit one person or group of people at the expense of another.
• They must take into account whether a person is capable of experiencing a shared reality.   Mental Illness including active addiction often precludes a shared reality.
• They must take into account the ability to experience empathy or approximate empathy.   Some have a disorder which prevents them from considering the feelings or needs of another (autism for example)_
• They must take into account short- and long-term consequences.

 
I am sure that the readers can suggest some other criteria moral rules or imperatives should meet.   We humans are not likely to agree on a clear set of moral rules or imperatives but perhaps we can agree that we need to move closer to being able to apply moral rules or imperatives to all regardless of race, class, financial status, power status, gender, age or sexual orientation.  Clearly those who are powerless deserve the same treatment as those with power.   We must also be clear about how we, as a society, understand such issues as power and consent. 
 
The ultimate goal of moral rules or imperatives need to be clear.  In my mind the goal is to identify and correct those behavior which are not in synch with the whole; which do not serve to enhance  all the parts working as a whole.  We, as a society, must then move on to determine how to restore balance to the whole.  Obviously punishment never restores long term balance.
 
This are challenging issues.  I sincerely believe we are capable of embracing these challenges.
 
Written August 27, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​The purpose of this life journey
 
I am convinced that humans are the only form of life which agonizes over the question of the purpose of this life journey.  We are certainly the only life forms which questions whether or not it is enough to be us; who attempt to prove their worth by attempting to be better than others  in a myriad of ways.    I was on the phone with a friend early this morning as he was chastising himself for telling stories which were designed to feed his ego; to gain the attention of those to whom he was talking so that he could  elicit their emotional support.  He needs to feel as if he counts.  
 
Most of us humans look to be more than so that we can feel as if we are enough; that we count.     We also attempt to prove that we service some esoteric  or spiritual purpose.   We create the concepts of a god or gods who we then imbue with human quality of a parent(s) who  needs and expects their child (children) to publicly excel by attaining  some goal which is considered prestigious.   One might excel by having a large corner office,  a salary which allow one to have a mega house, many other expensive possessions and memberships which have to be maintained which then requires more work which then leaves little time for loved ones who are to patiently wait in the gilded cage.
 
There are those who spend their life journey practicing spiritual growth or centerless.  If they are lucky they reach a state which rivals that of the simplest animals.  The friend with whom I was talking this morning spends a lot of time observing his cats.   They seem perfectly happy with their catness.  They eat, defecate, hunt if necessary, defend their territory when it seems necessary, groom each other, have sex when the season arrives, play and rest.    It appears that they do not spend any time thinking that they should have a purpose other than enjoying their life journey for however long they live.   When they die there is no evidence that they want or require elaborate rituals which their humans sometimes plan for them.  If left to their own devices they die and return to dust. Cats may grieve when their partner in crime or pleasure is suddenly gone but they move on.   If a cat is abused they need the same sort of treatment  as humans to heal from the trauma .   If they are a feral cat living in a tough neighborhood they will behave accordingly. Never once, as far as it is possible to ascertain, do they question their catness.
 
What can we then learn from cats and other animals who we often perceive as less intelligent that humans?   I suspect that we can learn or be reminded that the more accepting we are of our humanness, the more we are able to settle into a heathy relationship with ourselves, other people and all of existence the healthier we are.  Perhaps our purpose is to have a synchronistic relationship with each other, the rest of  existence and even with other universes.   Perhaps our purpose is to celebrate and honor our relationships and not tasks.  Perhaps our purpose is to treat the store clerk with respect and kindness while we incidentally purchased a gallon of milk, got the car repaired, or accomplished some other task 
 
What if we had such a positive relationship with ourselves that we could identify and use our particular talents to restore a healing balance to the universe.  What if the plumber, electrician physician, street cleaner, domestic engineer, farmer, and parents were all equally valued and treated accordingly?
 
What is our purpose?  Could it possibly be to be the best version of ourselves as possible within the context of our humanness?
 
Written August 26, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

What makes us uniquely human?​

The question of what it means to be human is more nebulous and complicated than it might be convenient to believe.   We know there is sophisticated communication between trees and surrounding vegetation.  We are discovering that all forms of matter have forms of interaction which might not occur in the form of a language we can put on an app and offer as a language course, but it is communication.   It is tough to make an argument for using communication as a distinguishing characteristic of humans.   One might want to argue that humans are more verbose, obtuse and ego centric in their language, but it is not language or communication per se which distinguishes us. 
Is it the ability for complicated reasoning which distinguishes us?   The fruit fly has a neuron structure in the brain which is similar the human brain Is our ability to reason our distinguishing characteristic?  It could be posited that our ability to think irrationally surpasses that of all other life forms.

It could also be posited that the human ability to pontificate about what it means to be human surpasses that of all other beings.

Many have observed that humans are the only form of matter which seems to be displeased with being themselves and who spend countless hours, untold wealth and experience extreme existential angst accepting (if they do) that it is okay to be them.  Is it possible that this is the only factor which distinguished us from all other life forms? 

We certainly cannot claim that we are the only beings who build structures, have elaborate dating rituals or have highly skilled home decorators although we may be the only beings who require a certification for being recognized as a decorator. For some beings “the proof is in the pudding”.  If a desirable mate is enticed to enter an area or structure to socialize does it earn the equivalent of a 5 start rating?

Many other beings seem to engage in a variety of sexual practices with themselves, the same sex, the opposite sex and other species.  Some, such as the male snake, have the advantage of two penises.   Again, we humans seem to be the only beings who criminalize or imprison those who enjoy various forms of sexual pleasure.

There must be something positive which distinguishes us from other forms of matter.  Yet it is very difficult to name or elucidate what that might be.    Could it be that size matters? Could it be that the sheer potential scope of both the damage we are capable to doing and the healing (physical, emotional and “spiritual”) we are capable of doing is what distinguishes us?

The modern version of the Hippocratic oath which was adopted by the World Medical Association Organization states:

The Physician's Oath
I solemnly pledge myself to consecrate my life to the service of humanity;
I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude which is their due;
I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity;
The health of my patient will be my first consideration;
I will respect the secrets which are confided in me;
I will maintain by all the means in my power, the honour and the noble traditions of the medical profession;
My colleagues will be my brothers and sisters;
I will not permit considerations of religion, nationality, race, gender, politics, socioeconomic standing, or sexual orientation to intervene between my duty and my patient;
I will maintain the utmost respect for human life; even under threat, I will not use my medical knowledge contrary to the laws of humanity;
I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honour.

As science and thoughtful dialogue refined the understanding of physicians (healers) this oath has changed over time to become more inclusive and more accepting of who we are as humans.  

Perhaps the ever-evolving physicians oath demonstrates the ability of humans to learn and practice what makes intuitive sense to most life forms. Our only distinguishing characteristic may be the extent of our ability to both complicate the simplest of issues and the ability to then simplify the complication.
 
Written August 25, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

Sunday Musings - August 23, 2020

Covid-19 continues to be the star of the show on planet earth although there are other reminders that Mother Nature is consistently in charge.   For example, two storms are approaching the golf coast of the United States.  Fierce fires take advantage of the drought in parts of California.  In many other ways she reminds us no matter what we do she will decide our ultimate fate. This is true despite the amazing ingenuity of humans in discovering the combination of ingredients which will produce vaccines and treatments.    We humans continue to be the part of creation which does all we can to destroy the synchronicity of all  existence and then we attempt to create “cures” for the damage we cause.
In the mist of the chaos, we continue to debate the questions:

•   What is unique about us humans? 

1. •   What is our purpose on this life journey?’

•   What is moral or immoral behavior?
•   If it is truly “dust to dust” why worry about what is moral or immoral?
There are those individuals who spend their life journeys as moral philosophers.  Most of us will not, however, read the volumes filled with their observations and conjectures.   If we do read their works and then learn about their day to day lives, we will find that the many volumes of works is inversely proportional to their ability to consistently design and live their life as they recommended.  We look no further than our own lives to notice the contradictions between aspirations and behavior.
Given the fact that all our ponderings about these essential questions seems to produce little change in our behavior should we then revert to resigning ourselves to allowing our warring behavior with each other and Mother Earth to continue; to proceed to choreograph this opera complete with the latest in fashion, grand arias, and the very latest in other worldly set designs?
While it is true that it certainly seems as if we continue to excel in finding ways to destroy each other and the earth, the truth is that if we stand back far enough we will notice that overall violence is decreasing; the advances in earth friendly energy sources is phenomenal; the number of food challenged individuals is decreasing; and the speed with which we find  treatment and cures is daily increasing.   It may also be true that the number of individuals who refuse to particulate in the race to prove one’s essential worth by working the most hours, owning the most toys, or building the houses which rival the castles of yesteryear is on the rise,   The first step in spiritual growth may be to simply notice that something is not working; that something is amiss; that there are indeed alternatives to the dynamics of how we humans life out this life journey. 
Perhaps it is more important than ever to rewrite the works of moral philosophy.   Perhaps we need tomes of “Moral Philosophy for the Average Person”.     Perhaps  we will let go of important sounding and confusing terms such as epistemological, metaphysical, ontological and even theological.    Perhaps we can stick with our simply stated, basic questions which I earlier listed.  Perhaps we can explore what it means to know how the mind of humans and the universe works;  what it means to be with as opposed to being in opposition to; and what might result be if we live as if divine refers to the whole of existence.   Perhaps in very simple terms we can explore what it means to be human; our purpose; what behavior adds to the quality of all of life, and how the behavior of each of us profoundly affects the entire universe(s).

Written August 23, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

 The observer 

Often in my role as a professional counselor for those dealing with emotional and spiritual issues, I encounter those who are convinced they cannot live without a treasured child, lover, spouse, or other person. Often it seems to many as if there is no point in living without that special someone or something.  

The first step of the 12-step program - the first step in any program of spiritual growth program - is coming to terms with the fact that real power comes from accepting our powerlessness.   For the person just beginning their journey of recovery from active addiction the first level of understanding has to do with the fact that if one feeds an addictive habit the addiction takes complete charge of one’s life.    If the addict can accept that level of powerlessness they soon discover if they are to be free; if they are to have  peace, they must accept that power only comes from accepting powerlessness in all areas of one’s life. This is true for all us humans.

Often when we are faced with the fear or the reality of our powerlessness we become anxious.  We may even move from anxiety to a full-blown panic attack.  The panic attack may temporarily cripple us.  We may then do anything which will reduce the feeling.  We may quit a job, leave an event, drop out of school, take a drink, use some other drug, find a willing person with whom to have unconnected sex, file for divorce, accuse our partner of causing our distress (even file a false domestic violence charge), or attempt suicide.   The feeling of panic - suffocation may be so intensely painful we are willing to do whatever it takes to have even temporary relief.

If we are the concerned witness we may begin the “what if” internal dialogue.   What if this person returns to drug use?  What if they file false charges?  What if they die? What if they quit their job and I have to take care of them?  What if they ....  The person experiencing the panic attack is, of course, engaging in their own what if dialogue.   What if I try this and fail?  What if this is not who I am? What if I am alone for the rest of my life?  What if ...?  Us humans are quite capable of imagining outcomes which we have decided would be horrific or impossible for us to accept.

What do we say to the observer who feels powerless? What do we say to the person experiencing a panic attack? What do we say to the person who is sure that they cannot live with a potential outcome.   Surely there is some words of comfort or reassurance. There is and there is not.  The reassurance is not that all will be okay or that one will have only temporary pain at best.   The truth is that the worst one can imagine may happen.  One’s child may die of an overdose or some other cause.    One may lose the case in court.  One may forget one’s lines and have to live with the consequences.  One’s may be falsely accused of a crime.  One may make many serious mistakes as a parent. One may lose one’s job.  One may discover that one is not at all who one thought one was.

We must not lie to the observer or the person experiencing the panic attack.  On the other hand it is not helpful to feed the  “what ifs”.     We can assure the observer and the person experiencing the anxiety and the panic that it is safe to trust that we all have what we need to face what life presents; that we may grieve and mourn for a lifetime; we may have to make a new beginning,  but we can survive and even thrive.

The  worth of the observer is not dependent on being able to make all okay or to save the person having an anxiety or panic attack.  The observer is not the anxiety they are feeling about what the person suffering an anxiety or panic attack is feeling.  The person experiencing the acute anxiety or panic is not their anxiety or panic.   All of us have the nurturing, healthy parent part of us which is able to stand back and observe another person or ourselves when in a lot of pain and just be quietly present.  All of us have the capacity, if not the habit, of noticing without labeling or feeding the thoughts or feelings.  Most will, of course,  have to practice this new behavior before it becomes a habit.


Written August 20, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

 
Acceptance​

Scholars and even most lay persons know that reality is related to perception and, thus, is a very personal experience.   Our individual brains process incoming stimuli differently.   One brain will perceive or register the whole and then break the whole into individual parts.  Other brains will perceive or register the individuals parts or pieces and then have to try to envision the whole.   Some brains can record and remember a picture of  words thus making recall and even spelling relatively easy.   Other brain process auditory stimuli more efficiently than visual stimuli.   Hearing impaired people process and experience the world differently than those who hear well.

We humans also experience the world through the history of trauma stored in our DNA as well as the history of trauma which begins accumulating during the time in the womb.   Some seem to process and store trauma as crippling  experiences.  Some seem to have a resilience or a shield protecting them from the events which cripple others.

Those  who lives have been kidnapped by past trauma (history or during this life journey) or whose brains do not readily experience a shared reality have to find a way to accept that another reality is possible, or they and the external world will find that they are constantly clashing.    

Those who are open and creative are able to allow for the possibility of an alternative reality.  When one, for example, views a Van Gough painting the swirls of colors which play with each other are unique to his vision.  No one can say that his reality is accurate or inaccurate.   It just is.

One can have a passionate difference of opinion and still accept that the other point of view has or could have validity.  In this care the perception and understanding is different but the acceptance that two opposing realities or opposing opinions are valid allows individuals to  continue a respectful relationship.

I love the Quaker consensus approach to decision making.    All the people  involved agree to not make a decision until everyone agrees on a base of shared reality which will determine a  course of action.  This can take a very long time but in the long run it saves time.  If the consequences of the decision are not acceptable  there is no energy or time wasted in blaming.  The group simply attempts to formulate a new plan of action.   The goal is always on problem solving and not proving one’s reality is the one true one.

Acceptance that one’s reality does not have to the one true reality happens as one feeds one’s spiritual growth.  This is not always a comfortable or fun journey, but the reward is the freedom of connection and, thus, love.
 
Written August 18, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

Sunday Musings  - August 16, 2020
 
As is always the case, this past week was a fascinating mixture of events, both personal---those events which directly and immediately touched my life---and public---those which rippled through the air touching all of us in a way which will effect profound changes.
On a personal level, my brother suddenly got a call at 2:30 [a.m] Tuesday morning instructing him to get to the hospital in Dallas for a new matching kidney.    By Thursday he was heading home. As his wife is limited physically, our sister and his stepdaughter-in-law quickly made plans to help with his recovery.   So far the kidney seems quite happy in its new home.  
Also on the person level some individuals I know made great progress in their journey of recovery/healing.     One person from whom I had a very positive note on Wednesday lost what seemed like a lot of progress in his recovery journey. By Thursday he was dead of an overdose, joining an ever-increasing number.
Everyone I know who teaches, has school-aged children, or works with the school system has continued to struggle to make decisions about the new school year in the United States while considering the emotional, financial, and intellectual health of their children
Nationally in the United States, Covid-19, related and non-related economic decisions, fierce storms in some states, and political decisions continue to provide an opportunity for the United States citizens to rethink some base questions.   What is the purpose or job of the economy? What decisions or policies will most likely help to make that [the] purpose manifest reality?  Fortunately, individuals such as Ezra Klein on the Ezra Kline Show (podcast) are committed to exploring these and related question.   Mr. Kline’s guest this week was Zach Carter who is a senior reporter at HuffPost and author of a new book, The Price of Peace:  Money, Democracy, and the Life of John Maynard Keynes.  Mr. Carter reminds the reader that first and foremost John Maynard Keynes was a moral philosopher.  Mr. Keynes asked such questions as:  “What values should guide an economy?  What are the higher purposes economic policy should serve?”
Mr. Carter reminds us of the fact that Mr. Keynes is the perfect person for all of us to reread. Not only did he seriously consider these essential questions, he did so from the perspective of a very human, often self-contradictory man; a man who was a pacifist; who had a key role in the British war machine during World War II; who was one of the chief architects of British socialized medicine; who recognized some of the dangers of socialism and many of the limitations of other approaches. 
Mr. Klein raises questions about deficit spending, the role of advertising in economic preferences, the limits of democracy, and modern monetary theory.   I urge the reader of this blog to listen to his blog and to consider reading some of the books he recommends.
I was and am excited about the fact that Mr. Klein, Mr. Carter, and others are publicly asking the questions I believe not only necessary as we approach rebuilding the economy but  morally imperative.  I have often suggested that we need to teach young school children to begin to identify important questions such as:  What sort of world do we want to build with the tools we are learning in school?  What does it mean to build a just and moral world?  Are all people equally deserving of food, shelter, health care, and education?   
As a philosophy major who began as an engineering major, I am interested in the core moral questions which will guide the design of an economic system.  A combination of factors including a failed health care system; a failed and expensive judicial system which is based on the false assumptions that we can label mentally ill and other people as criminals, treat them badly, and not suffer dire consequences ourselves; the fact that 1% have a majority of wealth; an economy based on time-limited disposal products which overwhelm landfills and destroys marine life; COVID-19; racism; sexism; a significant percentage of young people who feel left out and have becomes addicted; and a host of other factors contribute to the circumstances in which we now find ourselves.  
We can either see our present situation as an overwhelming disaster which is doomed to destroy this nation and the planet or we can see it as an opportunity to rebuild from a base of the tough moral questions which Keynes and others have explored.
 
Written August 16, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org
​

Many hats​

In my role as a licensed  professional counselor I am often reminded of the importance of being clear about my professional role so that I can maintain some objectively and not do anything which is going to unnecessarily complicate or cloud my relationships with clients.  For example, hiring a client to clean my house and then discovering something was missing could result in suspecting the client of taking what was missing.   Even if I did not accuse the client of taking the missing item, my potential distrust would likely be felt by the client when we were meeting for therapy.

The awareness of the potentially fragile nature of a relationship between a health care professional and a patient/client is extremely important.  This is also true for the teacher student relationship and a host of other relationships. In the real world, relationships are often  messy, and the lines can become cloudy.     Many of us live in small communities or seemingly large cities. Large cities are often, if not always, just a group of small communities.  In New York City, for example, it is not unusual to run into the same people over and over again.  Often those with common interests, professions, or backgrounds show up in the same circles.

Even in biological family roles change.  Today my oldest sister is in Dallas to help care for our brother who is recovering from major surgery.   She, along with my brother’s wife, will need to make the caretaker role primary for the next few weeks.   

In my role as a licensed counselor and certified addiction counselor in the small community in which I live I sometimes see colleagues and their families as clients.    For many years I hired my ex-wife as my clinical supervisor because she was the psychiatrist who I thought was the most competent of all those available.  In her role as my clinical supervisor she was Dr. S and had absolute authority over decisions about clinical issues.

Clients, patients or students may be doctors, first responders, teachers or  plumbers! 

A person capable of fulling the parenting role is nurse, teacher, counselor, coach, provider, house cleaner, errand runner, cook,  laundry person and has many other roles. A  parent has to hold the child  close only to let go at some point to support the child in pursuing their own journey.    The adult child and the parent may find that they are often colleagues and neighbors as well as family. Roles may switch as the parents age.

Healthy people are able to frequently change hats or switch roles.    They are able t put their needs aside and discern what is best or most needed by the other person.   Health care professionals, teachers and  other care takers need the professional guidelines and the counsel of each other to set and maintain the boundaries which best serve the needs of those they agree to serve.  At the same time all need to recognize that no matter how many books of rules are written, relationship can be cloudy and messy.     The one rule that seem to be most helpful is:  If one is hesitant to seek advice or to document what is going on with in a cloudy or messy relationship one is probably crossing a line that should not be crossed.

What we do not want to do as professionals or even as parents is to allow the boxes into which rules can place one to cloud the responsibilities to care for each other.  Sometimes the rules tell us not to talk to a family member or to not recognize the unofficial or non-legal roles individuals have with each other.  If, for example, an adult child is addicted and living with non-addicted people who love them, we need to be talking to them. 

Obviously taking advantage of a vulnerable individual is never moral or acceptable.   Using rules or guidelines to justify ignoring the pain of the client, patient, student or other person who needs our service/help is not moral or acceptable.   The rule of “do no harm” is always a good place to start. Seeking advice from trusted friends, colleagues or mentors when the lines are cloudy or messy is the always the next right thing to do.

Written August 14, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org