Sunday Musings – February 28, 2021
The truth shall set you free
 
We live in an age with greater access to communication than has ever been possible. Yet, with all this access to information, facts or truth is more elusive than ever.  Perhaps that is not correct.  Perhaps finding facts is like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack.  With so many options to choose from – so many spins on the same facts and so many versions of the fact – knowing what sources to trust is difficult for most of us.
 
Obviously there are some actual facts.  A multi-page bill was sent from the United States House to the United States Senate.  The United States did bomb some targets in Syria.  The stock market is, for now, strong.  Fewer people are dying of covid-19 and it’s variants.  More people in some nations are getting covid-19 vaccines. Many are still refusing to get the vaccines.  Locally, a 14 year old was driving a car, the police gave chase to the car which then crashed killing two people in another vehicle, and the 14 year old  is charged with murder.
 
Today is Sunday in the United States.  There is no shortage of representatives from various religions who will be happy to name the one true god and, thus, the religious practices which will please that god.
 
There is no shortages of goods and services which – for the right price – will guarantee one more happiness, finding the perfect partner or establishing one as one at the top end of the caste system in the United States.  One can – if rich enough  - purchase  a car costing between $30,000.00 and $400,000.00, a multi-million dollar house (There are several for sale here in Tulsa, Oklahoma.) the most secure security system, the best handgun, the more effective sexual enhancing drugs, or the costume which will declare “ one’s arrival”.
 
It is a fact that humans, many plants and other animals have a limited life span even though it has increased until 2020 in many places on this planet.  It is true that neither equity or equality are available regardless of race, caste membership, age, gender, sexual orientation, gender identification, or income.  It is true that us humans have a long history of “throw away” people and that the United States may have perfected the delusional system of convincing ourselves that we do this less than other nations when in fact we have only perfected delusion.  We have long been a leader in violence – domestic, economic, social, judicial, political, international, and cultural violence. It is also true that we in the United States may be one, if not the leader, in deluding ourselves in believing one can evolve without the fear of risking “poverty, embarrassment and discomfort”. (Cord Jefferson in an Vox conversation with Soraya Nadia named the necessity of risking these three conditions if one want to accomplish goals.)
 
If “the truth will set one free” it is perhaps the truth that if we are going to move in the direction of being the best we can be we must get over ourselves.  We are going to fail.  All successful people fail.  We are going to be ridiculed.  We are going to risk losing money, jobs, houses and even relationships.   If “the truth will set one free” it is true that we cannot mistreat one person (no throw away people); that freedom for one can only be achieved if there is freedom for all; that freedom from is not enough; that freedom to is important; that we are not fragile emotionally; that money will not save us; that security cameras will not save us; that we are all less than a step away from being one of the throw away people.   Character is not about finances, lack of humility, being right, the right god, or being better than.  It is not about the most effective sexual enhancing drug, the best plastic surgeon who specializes in nips and tucks, the largest house, or the most expensive vehicle.  It is not even about the most organic food, a $5.00 coffee or other energy drink.  It is about showing up and risking poverty, embarrassment and humility. It is about being the one who carries a blanket to the emperor who thinks he or she is dressed in their finest but is naked.
 
Written February 28, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
  

​God - Community
 
The February 22, 2021 episode of the podcast Hidden Brain with host  Shankar Vedantam is entitled “Creating God”.  His guest is social psychologist Azim Shariff who “argues that we should consider religion from a Darwinian perspective, as an innovation that helped human societies to grow and flourish.”  As communities grew not everyone had the same investment in the overall health of each of its members and thus, might violate the rights of an individual or do something which was not in the best interest of the community.   Particular religions were created or envisioned within the limits of the needs of the community and scientific knowledge.  Thus, when one needed many children to till the fields, hunt or otherwise maintain the community; when mortality rate of infants and mothers was much different; when microscopes had yet to be invented to counter the belief that there were a limited number of sperm, many  religious rules about restricting sexual behavior made sense. Part of the nature of religion, however, is that once a rule or behavior no longer makes cultural or scientific sense,  one cannot sit down the god of one’s understanding and ask him, her or it change the rule.  
 
Dr. Shariff would argue that punishment or the fear of punishment – often for eternity – was an effective evolutionary tool for maximizing order in a growing community.  Even the threat of the unhappiness of the God of one’s understanding was often enough.
 
Many people continue to believe in a punishing and rewarding god.  Many others no longer believe in such a traditional god.   Some envision the god of their understanding as the whole of a planet, universe or even the universes.  They might maintain that each part of the whole is necessary but not sufficient to keep the whole functioning with maximum potential and efficiency.  The result of not respecting this fact is the breakdown of the whole. One may not think of this is punishment, but consequences.   The question of how the whole came to exist  as an interdependent group of parts may not be addressed by those who posit such a god.
 
 
As knowledge continues to evolve many find it difficult to feel a part of a religious community or to approach the creation of a god from the vantage point of what is best for the community for next 1000 or 100,000 years.   Many no longer find it tenable to believe in an afterlife where eternal punishment might await someone.  Many point to the scientific knowledge which is now available to determine our sexual mores or other behavior.  At the same time there is by many a greater appreciation for the six degrees of separation rule and, thus, the ripple effect of each action or inaction.  There might also be a greater understanding of the psychological effect of separating oneself from the whole by deliberately ignoring the needs and rights of another. 
 
There is an argument to be made for the belief that when we, as a species, give up heaven and hell we may become only focused on what makes one feel good for the moment; on short term gratification; on filling  or numbing that internal void which leaves one feeling  disconnected.  I happen to believe humans are basically kind and pragmatic.   Most of us know we need each other even if we no long need a god who threatens eternal punishment or promises eternal salvation if we obey all the rules. 
Sadly, we have found it difficult to hold on to the most important aspect of church – to be a community who  welcome each to this life journey, bid each other goodbye and care for each other during those two points. I was reminded while attending a conference this week entitled “Engagement in the Black Community” of the importance of “church” for the black community – church where it is safe to weep, wail and be joyful; church where it is safe to have secret communication via spirituals; church where it was safe to be.  The challenge for the black churches as well as other churches is to expand that community to include those who now feel excluded; to remember that god is a creation of we humans; to remember that the rules attributed to the god of one’s understanding have to expand to embrace new scientific and social knowledge.  Sadly, few churches have found a way to do that well.   If one attends a black church today one will still experience the “spirit” which will move one to dance, weep, laugh and sing.  One will experience community regardless of the religious rules.   Yet, some know that even there they cannot be fully themselves. That is the challenge. We all need that sense of community. The alternative is to numb oneself with alcohol, drugs, money, power, food or some other substance, object or condition.  Are we up to the challenge of allowing the god of our understanding to be fully present and embracing to who we know ourselves to be capable of being regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender, age, cultural background or historic status of oppressor or the oppressed?
 
Written February 27, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 

Gratitude

As I was driving I was listing to the radio and heard part of an interview with someone on the subject of gratitude.  I appreciated the fact that the person being interview had a profound appreciation for the role luck or fate plays in the lives of all of us.   Just a few minutes prior to hearing that interview I had a call from my nephew telling me his mother had suddenly fallen down some stairs and died.  He did not have any more detains.  I am sure that she had walked down steps many times in recent days and weeks without any mishaps.  I am equally sure that she had lived her life yesterday not having any conscious idea that it was her last day of this life journey. 

Daily, I am reminded of how much luck or fate plays a role in the trajectory of this life journey.  I happened to be formed or created by the introduction of a particular sperm with a particular egg.  Either the egg donor or the sperm donor could easily have met and fell in love or lust with someone else.  If that had had happened I would not have been.   There might have been another human who arose out of the joining of a different sperm or egg, but the end result would not have been me. All of the events which followed were determined by the ensuing decisions of my parents.  The ancestors who contributed to the history of codes which created me were particular to my birth parents.  Many of the opportunities which were presented as I traveled this life journey were a direct or indirect result of the early decisions of my parents which were influenced by the decisions of their ancestors.  The people I encountered in school and other public places crossed my path because of many people and factors leading up to that moment.

One could do a sociogram of all the people, events and other factors which brought me to be sitting in this place typing at this moment in time.  Genetics, health habits, cultural influences and many other factors contributed. Is there really such a thing as free will?  Certainly, there are elements of what appears to be free will.   In the hour prior to my next scheduled time with a client I chose to do some writing or it certainly seems as if I have a choice from the many items on me to do list.  Yet the fact I have a safe and warm home, a laptop upon which is write, and the ability to write has largely been determined by  a series of events over which I limited choice at best.

Clearly, given the above, I have little choice but to be humble and grateful.  I can take very little credit for enjoying such a relatively luxurious life.  The fact that I had the health and the passion to continue working well past age 65 is a blessing.  While it is true, even today, I have make  decisions to exercise and eat healthy my brain had to be working at a certain level to be able to do that.  Brain tumors, dementia, thyroid conditions, unitary tract infections and a variety of other conditions could prevent my brain from being able to approximate a shared reality. 

Conversely, I am hardly in a position to be critical of those whose brain does not allow them to have a shared reality or to make decisions to take care of themselves.  I just talked to someone who is attempting to help someone recovering from meth amphetamine addiction.  A lot of the time he is not able to approximate a shared reality.  He sees and hears “monsters” who are out to destroy him and which are experienced by others around him.   His current mental illness diagnosis is schizophrenia which may or may not be accurate given his drug abuse history but, at this point in time, he is not able to function because his reality is so dangerous.    He may have made a decision to experiment with certain recreational drugs but he did not make a decision to get addicted. Many people experiment with drugs and do not get addicted.

It seems to me if, in fact, we were able to practice humility and gratitude more consistently we could create a more  just, realistic and workable community.  We would no longer punish those unable to have a shared reality or whose lives were not primarily determined by positive decisions of fate.

Written February 23, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Sunday Musings – February 21, 2021
Moral Imperatives
 
The daily goal for most of us is to act in a way which leaves us feeling as if we have left a moral and, thus, honorable, legacy.  What we consider moral imperatives will vary as will the primary moral imperatives for that particular hour or day.  Recently, in many places in the United States the primary moral imperative has been to survive bitter, artic temperatures without thermostatic heat or faucet water.  Some of those were already worried about food and other necessities for their family because of losing their jobs.  They may or may not have been able to pay their rent or mortgage.  Landlords may or may not have been able to pay their bills or make needed repairs.  For still others who are chronically homeless the consistent moral imperative is to survive as best one can.  There are many reasons why a person or even a family might be temporary or chronically homeless. Chief among them may often be mental illness which may include addiction, acute PTSD, fear of enclosed spaces, schizophrenia, or some other illness  which might not respond to medications or other treatments.  There are also those who  will say they are “just down on their luck” which may be a euphemism for some chronic condition or may, in fact, be a temporary condition brought on by loss of job or a need for a family to stay poor enough to qualify for needed medical care.  Even if not officially poor enough to qualify for assistance, depending on which study one trusts, between 63 and 78 percent of working families are living paycheck to paycheck.   It does not take much of a change to leave them homeless.  Homeless can mean living on the street or camped out on the couch or floor of a friend or relative until one wears out their welcome.
 
Abraham Maslow, a United States psychologist, in 1943 posited a theory of a hierarchy of needs of humans. He theorized that five categories of human needs dictate the behavior of an individual.  The needs he posited were  physiological needs, safely needs, love and belonging needs, esteem needs and self-actualization needs.
 
Many of our laws are based on the assumption that everyone in the community has the luxury of self-actualization or the luxury to allow the same moral imperatives to guide their behavior. If Maslow is correct, it is only when we humans have our basic needs met that we have the luxury of being  self-actualized – being our best selves.  I would suggest that our best selves are able to understand that we are all part of a larger whole which is an interactional whole.  What one does or does not do affects every part of the whole. 
 
We now know much more than we did in 1943 about some of the factors which affect the brain and, thus, the decisions that one makes and the actions one takes.  I still think it is useful to think in terms of Maslow’s hierarchy, but I also think we first have to consider the factors which allow a person to make decisions which approximate a shared reality.
 
During the bitter cold weather there was a lot of concern for the homeless  and those without power, heat or other basics.  I seldom heard the judgmental statements I so often hear about the homeless – statements which indicate they are living out the consequences of their choices.  Most people to whom I talked instinctively knew that the basic need of the homeless was to stay alive. Imposing other moral imperatives on them did not make sense.  Yet, it will be very easy for us to return to judging everyone in the community as if all had an equal opportunity to be self-actualized and, thus, to adhere to the moral imperatives upon which laws are based – moral imperatives imposed by those who have the luxury of having some basic needs met and the delusional state of acting as if one has earned one’s status; acting as if one is one of the good people who deserve to have all needs met.
  
Written February 21, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Creative Maladjusted
 
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel used the phase creative maladjusted.   Martin Luther King, Jr. seem to borrow the phase from Rabbi Heschel.  For example, in his June 27, 1956 speech to the annual convention of the NAACP he said, “History still has a choice place for the maladjusted. There is still a call for individuals to be maladjusted.  The salvation of our world lies in the hands of the maladjusted as the prophet Amos who in the midst of the tragic inequalities of injustice in his day cried out in the words that echoes across the generations: ‘Let judgment run down like water and righteousness like a might stream.’”
 
In the February 18, 2021 On Being podcast conversation between host Krista Tippett and Rabbi Ariel Burger, author of Witness – Lessons Elie Wiesel’s Classroom, there is a discussions of creative maladjustment.  Interesting, but not surprising, this week I have been thinking a lot about the teachings of Jesus in what is known as the Sermon on the Mount.  More specifically I  have been thinking about my understanding of the mandate to love your neighbor as yourself.   What does this mean in our day to day interactions with people?  Rabbi Berger recounts the story of his son’s friend, Mason, visiting a  former guard at a Nazi compound where they were doing experiment on rabbits looking for a cure for typus. Mason’s grandmother had a cut which was badly infected. As a prisoner her infection was not treated,  One of the guards in this Nazi camp cut himself and pressed his open wound on Mason’s grandmother’s wound thus causing an infection.  He could then get antibiotics which he then shared with Mason’s grandmother.  Mason found the guard who was still living and thanked him for his life. Is this creative maladjustment?
 
Elie Wiesel would not meet with Holocaust deniers because he did not want to dignify that position with a debate.  Yet, those deniers are our neighbors just as the white supremist are our neighbors. The question is whether one gets a pass for not loving the neighbor who is a racist or a Holocaust denier. Does one get a pass for not loving the neighbor who sexually abuses children?  Does one get a pass for not loving the loving the person who murders his family?  Does one get a pass for not loving those who have imprisoned people without a trial since 2001?
 
What if there are no passes?  What if Jesus and other spiritual teachers really do expect one to see all people as one’s neighbor?   What if one’s neighbor includes the thousands of people on the sexual offender’s list?  Many on the sexual offenders list – most actually – did not sexually abuse children even though viewing child pornography of any person under a certain age (age varies in each state in the United States and in each country) counts as child sexual abuse. One can also be convicted of pandering for just viewing child pornography. Perhaps Jesus intends us to only love some of those on the sexual offenders list such as the person who had sex with an underage prostitute who lied about his or her age. Perhaps Jesus would exclude all those on the sexual offenders list from being our neighbor.
 
Perhaps certain people are evil monsters and not those Jesus or other spiritual leaders would consider our neighbors.  Perhaps they are throw away people. 
 
What if Jesus and other spiritual leaders somehow understood that many factors can affect the brains of us humans; can determine thoughts and thus actions?  What if Jesus and other spiritual leaders had the ability to hear all our unspoken unkind and lustful thoughts?  What if people knew we should be the throw away people?  What if my son is justified in not having any contact with me because he knows I am one those who should be on the throw away list?
 
On the other hand, what if we are called to be creative maladjusted members of the human race?  What if we are called to honor that tension between those who know only the questions and those who think they have the answers?  What if we are called to find the common song in the space between our various opinions and “sins/ways of hurting ourselves and others”?   What if we only find pure joy when we face the depts of the fear and grief within each of us?
 
Rabbi Burger asserts “If someone blesses you, they really see you, and they give their seeing of you to you. There is a certain sense of responsibility that comes with that. To be witnessed is a responsibility.
 
What if we are all blessed and, thus, all called to witness to the responsibility of loving our neighbor as ourselves?  What if we find we have a common song with all others?  No exceptions?
 
Written February 19, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Is the god of our understanding on vacation?
 
There are those who believe that the god of their understanding never gives one more than one can handle.  That belief seems to imply that a god is in charge of all that happens.   Others seem to believe that one can chat up the god of their understanding to convince him, her or it  to intervene to bring about an outcome desired by said human.  Still others believe that events just happen sometimes as a result of the “natural” events of mother nature or because of some action of we humans.  It is true, for example, we have been poor stewards of the environment. 
 
There are still others who believe that we have both the opportunity and the responsibility to learn from every situation which life presents to us; that life is a continuous opportunity to bring us humans closer to doing our small part to create or to return the earth to a balance; a balance in which all the parts interact in harmony with each other.  
 
No matter what one believes about the power and actions of the god of one’s understanding, any of us whose brain is able to approximate a shared reality is well aware that “the best laid schemes o’mice an’ men Gang aft agley.” or “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. (Robert Burns – “To a Mouse”).  Any illusion or delusion of control will be frequently shattered.   No matter what we plan we do not have control over all potential events  or conditions which might destroy those plans.  Today, for example, the actions of mother nature have created power outages in many places including many places in Texas and Oklahoma.  Any plans which required power delivered by utility companies have to be changed.  To be sure, some have generators which may or may not work or, if they work, may or may not support the equipment required for the task one had planned.   In many neighborhoods and cities people today gather to share resources. In most cases, the differences which many might normally use as an excuse to distance themselves from each other seem not to matter.  I do not believe that the artic weather is caused by the god of my understanding to remind us to put aside our judgments and contrived differences, but I do believe that the artic conditions provide an opportunity for us to remember we are intended to take care of each other.
 
I also do not think that the god of our understanding goes on vacation.  I do think we forget or choose to ignore that we are always part of a larger whole and what we do or do not do affects the whole.  The whole or the god of our understanding does not go on vacation, but when we act as if we are independent of each other we are, in effect, sending the god of our understanding on vacation.  Taking care of ourselves, each other and the environment/mother nature is a way of honoring the whole which some choose to call the god of their understanding.  I was reminded again this morning that every religion and philosophy includes some version of the golden rule – treat others as you would have them treat you.  When we fail to  follow that rule we are discounting the reality of the whole.  We are, in effect,  sending the god of our understanding on vacation.
 
Written February 17, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Forgiveness is common sense
 
This morning I listened for the second or third time to a Ted talk entitled “What comes after tragedy? Forgiveness.” The talk is given by two men who know tragedy first hand, Azim Khamisa whose son was murdered in a gang initiation rite of passage by the 14 year old grandson of Ples Felix.   Both men work to end youth violence and to get Mr. Felix’s grandson out  of jail.  Neither men deny nor play down the heartbreaking violence which led to their dedication to working for effective change.  What both men know intuitively from the results of numerous scientific studies is responding to violence with more violence does not work.  Whether the violence is physical,  verbal or passive inaction it does not result in less violence.
 
I was thinking about this later this morning as I was reading accounts of reaction to the outcome of the impeachment trial of President Trump.   While I believe that a cogent argument could be made for the constitutionality of impeachment based on the timing of the house action, many legal scholars would agree with me and many would disagree. Obviously many United States Senators disagreed and, thus, voted to not impeach him. I did not agree with the reported and recorded behavior of the then President Trump when his supporters violently assaulted the United States Capital and the personnel working there.  I think some members of the United  States Congress calling those who voted against impeachment cowards and other degrading names is not going to result in a more effective working relationship among the members.
 
These United States is not alone among the human family in persisting in holding on to the belief that if one treats those with whom they disagree bad enough positive change will ensue.
 
All of might agree that it is not good to hurt others; that hurting one hurts all. Yet, many of us persist in believing that our way of hurting others is often justified while that of others is not.  Astute observations by most of us and by rigorous scientific study suggest that hurt people hurt people.  We can also now document the differences in the areas of the brains of those who are unable to consider the effect of their actions on others and those who are able to experience empathy. 
 
Grandma Fannie and many other wise people have long talked about the pot calling the kettle black.  Many of us are quick to criticize or at least bemoan the use of alcohol, drugs, food, sex and other things to give one a temporary high which may adversely affect others.   Yet, we are quick to use violent, demeaning language to elicit a temporary high of moral superiority while espousing policies to create a more just, loving community.
 
I can certainly debate another or present an alternate opinion without demeaning the personhood of another.   We know how to teach school age young people to do this and often do it well.   Those very same young people can switch sides and present a cogent argument. Obviously, none of us have the answers to the many complex issues which we must address if we are to have a future as a country or even a planet.  What we do know is that violence in response to  violence does not work.  The work of individuals such as Azim Khamisa, Ples Felis, Father Greg Boyle, Sonia Sotomayor, Stacey Abrams and a host of others understand the power of forgiveness and positive alternatives.  They could effectively guide all of us in doing our part to create the society which most of us say we want.
 
Recently in my newly adopted home of Tulsa, Oklahoma when the temperatures plummeted to artic levels many in the community shared resources with the homeless without feeling a need to criticize, name call or otherwise judge or demean them.  The focus was on providing warm, safe places to stay while also safeguarding the possessions of those who needed it.  We know how to act from a place of love and we know it works.
 
Written February 15, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Sunday Musings – February 14, 2021
Valentine’s Day
 
Whether one views this day in the United States as another day to contribute to the economy or a day to live the fantasy where one can find that perfect person with whom to create a blissful life which is not affected by dirty dishes in the sink or left in various places in the home, opposing budget ideas, obviously unenlightened views on a variety of subjects, or other symptoms of that illness known as humanness, it is an opportunity to hear, smell, and consider love.
 
I, as is true for many of those who use the English language, use or overuse the word love. I hear myself saying:  “I love this book.  I love this meal. I love this animal. I love this friend. I love this Blenko vase.  I love Mozart. I love the idea of romantic love. I love. I love. I love.” 
 
Anyone who has been in a committed relationship with another adult knows that everyday life is often less than romantic.  It is work, homes chores, community responsibilities, extended family responsibilities and, if one has children, a million other responsibilities.   Yet, this is the good life for those who are blessed with a home, a country, and a job.   This is the good life for those who do not suffer from a chronic mental illness or are not living with a partner whose illness does not allow them to be present, kind or even physically safe.
 
What is this word love that many of us apply to people, places, objects and events?   I suspect it is many things, but most of all, I suspect it is a verb.   The weather here in Oklahoma has turned bitter, killing cold.   The Police Chief, Nate King, in Tahlequah, Oklahoma decided the jail could be used as a homeless shelter.  He suggested it to community leaders who agreed.  Regular arrests were suspended and many donated supplies. The jail has become a temporary home.  In many other cities and towns community members have donated money for hotel rooms for the homeless, opened up churches and other civic/community facilities and stepped up donations of food, time and persons to care for those we often decide are a nuisance or an eye sore; those who detract from the day to day luxury life of many of us; those who provide a much too vivid reminder of the message of Jesus and other spiritual leaders.
 
I suspect love is more evident when someone is taking care of those of us who are often not attractive physically, emotionally or spiritually.  When Jesus admonished his students to love your enemy he was, I suspect, suggesting that we look deeply to find the common pain all of us have experienced. I also suspect he was suggesting that we remember that at our most unattractive we are deserving of love; of our partner or other friend bringing us a cup of coffee; offering to do our laundry when we are too exhausted; or even being present when we are having a snit over the loss of some luxury item while our neighbor goes hungry.
 
Falling in love is easy and can be great fun.  We  wear our best smiles and other items of costumes.  We are kind, seem to listen well, may take a shower, and put on good smelling products, and hide our less attractive human characteristics.  Acting with love even when the other is not so attractive or when mental illness or some other disease has stolen the person with whom we fell in love is not easy.  It may demand all the money, time and energy we have.
 
Still, I love my kitchen when I can prepare a meal which nourishes the body and soul of another.  I love the books which reminds me of the best and worst of who we are.  I love the fruit bouquet I received from an old friend when I moved into the condo which was becoming my new home.  I love the clerk who offers an early morning smile with no demands or expectations. I love the dog or ferret I meet in the elevator and greets me like a long lost ancestor.  I love the meal which has seen the work of hundreds before it reached my home and table.  I love language which tickles my being.
 
Perhaps cupid did not intend all this when he or she created love and valentine’s day.  Perhaps he or she did not know about the layers of love.  Yet, any excuse for love is good.
 
Happy valentine’s day.
 
Written February 14, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​“Whistling Vivaldi”
 
Social psychologist Claude Steele in a conversation with Shankar Vedantam, host of the podcast Hidden Brain, recounts an experience of Brent Staples, now a columnist at The New York Times.  As a graduate student at the University of Chicago walking down the streets of Hyde Park he could observe that, as an African American male, people were often nervous with his presence.  Yet, when he whistled Beatle tunes and Vivaldi they relaxed.  Claude calls this phenomenon Whistling Vivaldi.
 
I recall the pollical and social activist, Angela Davis, recounting the experience of going into a high end shoe store in the south and being treated as persona non grata.   Yet when she returned and spoke French with a companion she was treated with respect and as a potential valued customer.
 
Claude Steeele reminds us that that we seldom see other people and other people seldom see us or even objects.  I know, for example, that when I edit this blog no matter how many times I proofread it, I will miss some mistakes which others will quickly notice. I see what I expect to see. There are numerous stories of the staff of financial institutions such as banks treating a very wealthy person badly because he or she are not dressed as they expect a wealthy person to dress.  The world renown violinist Joshua Bell  at times will dress in his well broken in blue jeans and play his Strativarius violin outside the entrance to the train terminal in Washington, D. C.  People will donate money to him just as they would to any hungry street musician.  My suspicion is that even those who have often seen him playing with world famous symphony orchestras do not recognize him.  
 
Skin color, dress, size, age, situation, religious or cultural labels,  gender, mannerisms, voice and a host of other factors which are associated in our minds with experiences or assumptions of ourselves and others determine what we see or hear.  Many of us know this to be the case and, yet,even if we are paying attention, continue to make judgements based on these perceptions just as others do with us.  We will often assume we are seeing or hearing a shared reality.  Perhaps some of us have fallen into the trap of arguing with a partner or another about “the truth” when, in fact there is more than one truth.  Of course, there are times when we do have a shared reality but out of habit, fear, or some other motive we are not able to allow ourselves to validate the shared reality.
 
In my quest to be a better brother, friend, citizen, neighbor or colleague  I often challenge myself to see or hear past these stored expectations.   My spiritual teacher often challenged us to walk one busy city block and notice how often we label or judge others; how often we make assumptions based on size, manner of dress, religious symbols, skin color/hue, mannerisms, gender, or other factors which reveal nothing about the person.  Personally, even knowing my goal of not doing this, if I am honest, I continue to do make assumptions and label people.
 
The good news is I know I am not seeing or hearing the person.  I am not in a position to make assumptions about individuals. I have no idea of the history of this life journey or the history of the ancestors they carry with them.  If we do not continue to remind ourselves of this fact there is no possibility of a shared reality which will allow us to create a shared and caring community. There is no possibility that we can appreciate and share the gifts and talents of each of us which will allow us to join together to create that shared and caring community.
 
Written February 11, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

 
Grandma Fannie, Shakespeare, Davy Crockett and King Solomon – the dynamic foursome
 
This morning my spiritual intention was to remind myself to be at peace with my humanness. As I contemplate my life I am acutely aware of how often I either want to slink away and hide for the rest of my life or give in to the temptation to puff myself up in an attempt to win the respect or admiration  of others.  These others are people to whom I give the power to determine my worth.  Of course, when I puff myself up  or when I slink away few people notice or care.  They are busy with their own lives.
 
As a child, Grandma Fannie as well as our mother, often suggested one of us children were getting too big for our britches. Grandma Fannie was an avid reader of history and could well have read Davy Crockett An Account of Col. Crockett’s Tour to the North and to the South in which we says, “I myself was one of the first to fire a gun under Andrew Jackson. I helped to give him all his glory;  But I liked him well once; but when a man gets too big for his Breeches I say Good Bye.” 
 
Perhaps she was thinking of King Solomon when he, as reported in Proverbs, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall.”   She was also fond of Shakespeare and might have been thinking of the Brutus saying to Julius  Caesar in the play by that name, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall.”   Perhaps she was thinking of another Shakespeare play, Macbeth, in which  Hecate says, “And you shall know security is mortal’s chiefest enemy.”  Often the word security is interrupted to mean over confident.
 
In any case, as with all core truths, wise people throughout history have known that while we must all, at times, be  brave enough to take the risk of making decisions, we must, at the same time, remain open to new information – to learning.   As a child I sometimes thought I knew more than the adults in my life and would argue with them if they suggested I was wrong or I would get my feelings hurt if they accused me of not knowing something.   As a child I wanted to prove I was worthwhile by providing I was smarter or more knowledgeable than someone else. I was often told I was getting too big for my britches.
 
The deceased self-help guru Louise Hay suggested “We are perfect in our imperfection.”   This seems to be the most essential truth with which many of us humans struggle to accept about ourselves amd others.  It seems we cannot wait to verbally eviscerate the person who makes a mistake.  Morgan Wallen, the country singer, recently, when drunk, made  a racist statement. Apparently, his brain has taken a detour on other occasions when he has been drinking. I found myself wondering why he continues to drink.  Could he be alcoholic?  He would not be the first public figure to admit that and get help. Often we humans are fearful of admitting that we are vulnerable or less than perfect even while singing songs which clearly attest to our fragile humanness.   While the country music industry and this country as a whole needs to finally be clear that racism is unacceptable, at the same time we need to be focused on the factors which draws one to racism or other forms of oppression.  Clearly, us humans have a long history of attempting to prove our worth at the expense of the worth of others.  When Jesus approached the prostitute or in other situation attempted to teach he did so with enormous gentleness. He taught that we must love others as we love ourselves.  It is easy to miss the essential truth he was teaching; the truth that we need to love ourselves unconditionally as the imperfects works in process that we are.  We do not need to,  as did Julius Caesar, compare ourselves to the Northern Star “ immovable and incomparable”, to be worthy of love and respect.  We do not need to pretend to be too big for our britches.
 
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