​A pot of gold – Movin on up
 
As a child I often heard the lamentations of my mother and her shame, which inevitably spread to cover my siblings and I.  The shame was the absence of proof that we were as successful as others in her family, the neighbors or anyone who appeared to have access to “more” than we did – more possessions, more tangible proof that we are part of the have and not the have not’s – that we were those who gave our used excesses to “the least of these” and not one of the least of these dependent on the pity of the haves.
 
There was a television show entitled “The Jeffersons” about a black family whose goal was to share in the so called American Dream (read U. S. Dream).   The theme song whose lyrics were written by Jeff Barry and Ja’net Dubois included lines such as:
 
       Well, we’re movin’ on up (movin on up)
       To east side (movin on up)
       To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
       ….
       Fish don’t fry in in the kitchen;
       Beans don’t burn on the grill.
       …
       Now we’re up in the big leagues
       Getting’ our turn at bat
 
 
Capitalism, the absence of the smells of a community, isolation, and success all morphed into one. Even many of the churches and church leaders bought into the identification of success and wealth evidenced in the lifestyle of their leaders and their dress. 
 
We live in a country, which continues to use religion to try to force people to equate success with the imposition of restrictions, which have little to do with the professed theology while many church leaders flaunt the throwing off the chains of those restrictions.
 
We live in an age when we continue to buy what we do not need which then ends up in storage facilities for which we pay rent while we continue to convince ourselves and our children that we must  “make America (read United States) great again” by being more powerful and more materially successful; thus more morally superior.
 
We hold dear to our guns so that we can protect a way of life, which leaves little time for families and no time for community.  We laud the action of students such as those from Parkland while decrying very similar courage of teens in the Black Lives Matter movement. 
 
We seem to have less spirituality, more addiction, and more mental illness. We suffer from erectile dysfunction or the illusion that a firm erection into old age will hide the misery of being put out to pasture because we are no longer needed or we need younger workers who will work for cheaper wages.  We insist that college is the key to education and, yet, students amass debt, which insures that they “behave” while they pay off student debt while appearing to be successful to justify the student debt.
 
Perhaps we need to continually reexamine what counts as success.  Is success a spiritual concept or goal?  If so, how does that affect what we mean by “movin on up”.
 
Perhaps we need to reexamine the meaning of “freedom from” as well as “freedom to”.
 
Last night I listened to the story and the stories of Sorel Venter (Adventures in Elegance).  Both his story and stories tell of courage, freedom, enthusiasm for learning and the willingness to continually redefine success. I want to keep putting myself in front of such teachers so that I do not fall into the trap of “movin on up”.
 
 
Written February 28, 2018
 
 

​Gifts
 
Each day I attempt to set a spiritual goal which is challenging and, yet, simple and attainable.  As is true for many humans, I have a long history of complicating what is essentially simple. Often, as was true this morning, I am reminded of the song “Simple Gifts” written by Elder Joseph While who was at the Shaker Community in Alfred, Maine. The lyrics are”
 
            ‘Tis the gift to be simple, ‘tis the gift to be free
            ‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
            And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
            “Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
            When true simplicity is gained,
            To turn, turn will be our delight,
            Till by turning, turning we come ‘round right.
 
As is my habit I borrow or take from others what makes sense to me while leaving that which does not make sense.  I hope that that others do the same with me.   In the case of the Shakers I greatly admire their focus on simplicity which is evident in their dress, their life style and even their furniture.   I do not subscribe to the Shaker belief  as articulated  by Mother Ann Lee who believed the fall of Adam and Eve was related to sexual intercourse. Thus, Mother Ann Lee believed that one should give up all lustful gratification which of course included sexual relationships.  Obviously, a celibate community cannot prosper and will have to keep adding new recruits or it will die out.  All but one of the communities have died out.
 
Today, I know that I do not need a complicated theology or even philosophy to direct or justify my existence. For today it is enough that I show up with acceptance of self and others and do my best to live in harmony with all I encounter.   Having said this I am free to be present with love to myself, others and mother nature.   I think it was the Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron who once suggested that  a spiritual goal might be as simple as enjoying a good cup of coffee. I think it was   Nikki Giovanni, the poet, who suggested that there is nothing worse that having an unequal share of  riches and not even bothering to enjoy them.
 
This morning I met with his sweet, good man who in running from his pain has often missed the passionate joy which resides in the same internal closet.  In fact, the paradox is that we only feel deep pain when we allow ourselves to experience deep joy.
 
Spiritual goals are often about gratitude, whether it is for that first cup of coffee, the working of my body as I perform morning absolutions, the quiet of the early morning or the late evening, the touch of a friend, or laughing with a friend,.
 
Spiritual goals are, for me, the essence of the freedom to be present for no other reason than to assume my place in this human drama no matter what my particular role on any given day or in any given moment.  Unlike Mother Ann Lee I will not run from my human passions but embrace them as gifts to be used wisely and respectfully.
 
            ‘Tis the gift to be simple, ‘tis the gift to be free
            ‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
 
Written February 26, 2018
 
 
 
 
 

​Education - addiction
 
I smiled when I read a story in the local newspaper recounting the gratitude of a woman for the kindness shown her father who was homeless as a result of his addiction. I wept when I read a comment by a local citizen which said: “So we know that this homeless person always had a home to go to and choose not to do it but instead BURDENED the Hospitals, Doctors, and Nurses via his constant BAD and SELFISH CHOICE.  If you support the Homeless “this way” and this Project HOPE, why would the Homeless change their bad and additive ways?”
 
I am happy that the person who wrote these comments has apparently never struggled with a disease, which took over his mind and, thus, his behavior. I would not wish addiction or any other disease, which affects one’s ability to make healthy choices on anyone including the writer of these comments. 
 
I am, once again, reminded that many of our neighbors – our extended family of humans – continue to believe that:
 

1. Some choose to have an illness, which so controls their behavior that they risk and often lose their job/profession, home, family and most of all their dignity.

 

1. That the family of an active addict can stay healthy and have a person living with them who is unable to consider the needs and rights of others; a person whose mind tells them that they have to steal, threaten and do whatever they need to do to get the alcohol or other drugs which their mind tells them they have to have to survive.

 
As to #1, if anyone thinks about it why would a physician, attorney, athlete or anyone who has spent years and tons of money preparing for a profession or working to make a decent life for themselves and their family then decide to throw it all away for alcohol, a drug or something else which provides momentary pleasure and/or escape.  This would make no sense at all.  Yet no matter the intelligence of a person addiction can sabotage one’s mind.  If the reader does not already know the changes which takes place in the brain because of certain drugs and other addictions – changes which distorts one’s thinking - the information is readily available.  Suffice it to say the brain is adversely affected. This brain which is severely damaged now needs to make a healthy decisions and trust that with the help of a higher power, support groups such as the 12 step program and, if lucky, a safe treatment program plus medical help one can be stronger than the obsession and discomfort of stopping and rebuild one’s life. Fortunately, there are moments when some are able to make this decision.  Regardless of what gets someone into treatment one’s brain may heal enough to make some healthy decisions.  Once out of the safe treatment program setting, one must then accept the chronic nature of the addiction and keep working on emotional, cognitive, spiritual, and physical healing and growth for the rest of their lives.
 
As to #2, living with an active addict who has no control over their need to feed their addiction by any means necessary – stealing, threatening, general unpredictable disruption of the home, and other very stressful behavior – is not conducive to staying healthy.  There may be that occasional addict who has unlimited money, hired help and separate quarters in the family home.  There may also be that occasional addict who is not angry or threatening in any way but who presence is still a daily reminder of the heartache of seeing a loved one kidnapped by a disease.  If one has not had the experience then one needs to withhold one’s judgment.
 
The author criticizing the addict and his family also assumes that the family and the addict did not do all they could to attempt to beat this illness.
 
Please, do not judge what one has not experienced.  Please do give thanks if this disease has not visited your family or you.
 
Written February 25, 2018

​Sunday Musings – February 25, 2018
The roles we are called to play
 
In the wake of another school mass shooting in the United States as well as mass killings in many parts of the world and the villages of refuges who have neither a house nor a home country, we are all called to play our roles.   As the Bard stated, “All the world’s a stage. And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances…” (“As You Like It”, Act II, Scene VII, William Shakespeare)    This was a frequent thought of mine as I continue to read through various essays and other articles discussing or commenting on the shooting at Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida and the subsequent action by the Stoneman Douglas students.   Michael Shulman in a February 23, 2018 article in The New Yorker magazine entitled “The Stoneman Douglas Theatre Kids” says, “It’s hard to imagine watching “Spring Awakening” in Broward County, a community where the living are indeed walking on for the dead. Like Melchior, Kasky and his classmates have vowed to remake a world that failed them – a role that no teen-ager should have to play, especially in the wake of tragedy and trauma.”   I appreciate the sentiment of Michael Schulman, but as I sit here on a Sunday morning, I do think, once again, of the quote from The Bard and would like to suggest that indeed that is exactly the role that they are called to play. We are all called to remake a world, which fails us.  As long as one person is shot in anger under the flag of a country, a movement, a religion or the flag of the despair of a system, which has failed him or her, we are called to play a role. As long as there is disharmony with mother earth, an unequal sharing of resources including health care and education and, yes, those cultural resources which tickle our hearts and souls we are called, in humility and not self-righteousness to take up the mantle of leadership.  We are called to dig deep to find our best selves and go forth to speak the truth of what is possible.   We may disagree about how to get there. We may disagree about what we have to give up to take care of each other as a group. We may have to move beyond learning the facts which will result in a good ACT score so that we can attend the right college, university or join the right apprentice program so that we can buy the right car, the prestigious house, and the emperor’s new clothes. 
 
I have yet to see a person of any age get and stay kidnapped by alcohol or any other drug who has the faith that they matter and that they can make a difference. We all face tragedy. We all have our particular crosses to bear if we but open our eyes.  One of the consistent statements of all those who those who have held hostage by a need to escape and ended up hostage to the drug of their choice is that they felt as if they did not belong, did not have a purpose or needed to run from emotional pain.
 
Of course any of us are vulnerable to addiction to pain medication, which has been used to treat a post accident or diseased caused pain. Yet, if we know our strength and have a sense of our purpose we will find it easier to get help and into a recovery program.
 
We have many kids and later adults who do not have a role to play other than hopeless victim.  Perhaps it is time, to applaud and join the young people being led by the group of actors from Stoneman Douglas High School. Perhaps it is time to tap into our strength and, yes, our common sense and put on the costume of our role. We, too, can make a difference just as banks, corporations, companies and individuals are questing their roles and their allegiances. 
 
As I sit in Wheeling, West Virginia where many are today engaged in helping their neighbors prepare for or deal with flood waters or other urgent situations, I am reminded, once again, that we often, during times of tragedy, reach into our own closets and put on the costume of the role of worker bee because we know we can make a difference.
Perhaps education is teaching our children how they can use their various talents and gifts; how they can capture the energy of the pain we all experience and make a difference.
 
Written February 25, 2018

​Dear Students
 
Many of you students have been speaking out since the tragic school shooting in Florida and plan to gather in Washington in March.  You are questioning the logic of many adult leaders in the United States who maintain:
 
       V + V = NV       Violence plus violence equals non-violence.
 
Many politicians think that you students, although perhaps well intentioned and understandably sad as you are in the initial stages of grief, just do not understand that you do not know what you are talking about and have allowed yourselves to be objects of exploitation.   In fact the Associated Press article by Jacquelyn Martin printed in the LA Times, February 22, 2018 reports that “The NRA’s Wayne LaPierce speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference on February 22…Leaders of the National rifle Association on Thursday accused supporters of gun control of exploiting the mass shooting in Florida to promote anti-gun Agenda.”
 
Others, including the president of these United States has suggested that in addition to possibly tightening background check requirements and outlawing bump stocks arming teachers is part of the solution.
 
There is no arguing with the fact that violence often works as a short-term solution.  If I am angry and you kill me I will shut up. There is a possibility an armed teacher may be in the right place at the right time with the perfect opportunity to get a clean shot at the potential shooter(s) and can shoot to kill the potential murderer.  You understand this short-term logic. 
 
Apparently neither you, nor those who are exploiting you for their own anti-gun agendas do not understand this simple math equation.
 
       PS + AT = DPS   Potential shooter plus armed teacher equals dead potential shooter.


This simple math equation is meant to convince you that violence works. After all, the goal is to stop the shooter.  Or is it? 
 
You seem to think that the goal could be to model to the potential shooter that there are non-violent means to dealing with life issues such as mental illness, sadness, unfairness, injustice, disparity and other social and medical ills. Obviously, you who are young, well-intentioned, idealistic youth do not understand why Martin Luther King, Junior, Gandhi, Jesus and others were just misguided puppets of those who wanted to exploit them.
 
Others want you to believe that violence worldwide has decreased because we and other nations have a bully pulpit. Others want you to understand why use of nuclear bombs to end WWII, a long war in Vietnam, wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and Syria are proving that violence creates a safer world.  Perhaps you students – bless your hearts – are just too young and simplistic to understand how effective long term mass incarcerations – letting the “bad” people know who is in charge – creates a safer and more just community. Perhaps you students just need to go back to basic math classes and leave adult issues to adults.
 
Perhaps you children should be seen and not heard until you  are ready to accept the math truths of your esteemed elders.
 
Written February 23, 2018

​The Challenge of positive political campaigns
 
I just received an email letter from someone I respect who is running for a political position.  I think he would serve the citizens he is representing fairly and honorably.  I will make a small donation consistent with my budget and I will include a copy of this paper challenging him to only campaign in a positive manner.  What I mean by a positive manner is to say what he is campaigning for and not what he is campaigning against.   The email letter I received says of his opponent: “X(I will not repeat the name) has never met a Political Action Committee he didn’t like.  Seventy-five percent (75%) of his funding has come from Political Action Committees in this election. Think about that for a moment.  Special interests outweigh the average citizen by 3-to-1.” While this statement may be true, I do not think that another negative political campaign is going to serve any of us.
 
I would like to challenge all the candidates and all of us citizens who work to elect those who will represent us at the local, state and federal level to offer positive solutions to the serious issues which affect all of us. Although the author of the letter I received implies he will only accept contributions from citizens who do not represent special interest, he does not say that.
 
What I want to hear from all political candidates is very clear positive solutions starting with how money is to be raised and spent on political campaigns.  I would also like to see candidates publicly commit to very specific positive policies.   For example  I want candidates to promise:
 

• I will only take campaign contributions  which come directly from private citizens who do not represent special interests.
• I will work to draft legislation which will model non-violent solutions to our local, state, national and international issues.
• I will  work to decriminalize drug use and provide money for quality treatment programs.
• I will draft legislation to ensure that we quit incarcerating people because we are angry at them and not because they are a danger.
• I will draft legislation to appoint health care people who work in the trenches to make recommendations about policies to reduce  and treat addiction as well as lower all heath care costs.
•  I will draft legislation to study whether we are spending more money on Medicare and Medicaid oversight  and paperwork than we would incur by treating professional health care providers and care givers as our trusted representatives. My guess is that we will find that we would save money and there would be less fraud.
• I will draft legislation which would support the rights of those who choose and need to hunt to provide food for their families and community to be able to purchase safe, hunting guns. I will further propose legislation stipulating assault type weapons will mot be manufactured or sold for private use.

 
I could continue to list positive suggestions, but my point is that, as a citizen, who cares about my fellow citizens and who knows he does not have the answers I want all candidates to offer positive solutions and serious sit down, mutually respectful work sessions where they strive to put aside personal wants and explore what can be done which honors the rights and needs of all of us.  I want elected representatives  to model to the high school students across the nation, including those at Parkland, that we can  commit to taking care of each other; that we can together find non-violent solutions which are not driven by special interest, temporary profits or the personal egos of any of us.
 
 
Written February 22, 2018
 
 
 
 

​Friendship
 
One of the most difficult aspects of friendship is being present when the opportunity presents itself and, the rest of the time, honoring the journey of that friend. 
 
The first, being present, requires that I clear my mind and my heart of any expectation or of any need to guide, direct, or advise.   I do not mean to imply that it is wrong to ask for assistance.  Often asking for some practical assistance, especially if one is struggling, can be received as a gift.   Most of us feel good when we know we have something of value to offer another person, whether that be helping to perform some task, joining them for a movie they want to see, or just being a comforting presence.   Even if it seems as if the gift is an inconvenience, most of us would feel bad if the other person did not feel if as being inconvenienced is a necessary part of any good friendships.
 
Most of the time, however, the best gift I can give or receive from a friend is the wiliness to just actively listen.  There is something about knowing that one has been heard which is comforting and healing in and of itself.
 
There are times when friendship requires a response. It is very frustrating if one expresses a concern to a friend and he or she refuses to discuss and/or expresses another concern in response.  I am not talking about a parent  (or a boss) saying, “Just tell me the truth. All I need is the truth.”  That usually means if one tells the truth one is going to get punished.  No, I am talking about the friend who says in response to a request to talk that they are not going to talk about the issue and/or say something very critical.    Most of us are fine if the other person says, “I really do want to respond but now is not a good time. Would you mind if we talked about that at 1:00 p.m. tomorrow.”   Friendship may require that I agree to talk about something which is very uncomfortable or even painful.
 
There are times, of course, when one badgers a friend to talk about an issue that they have already responded to many times. Perhaps one wants a different response or the goal is to punish by telling one for the 100th time that they are a bad person.
 
Sometimes, being a friend means honoring the wish of the other person to end the relationship or to move across the world.  While that may be very painful and even, confusing, one needs to honor that request.   Telling the other person we cannot live without their friendship or they are a bad person for doing this is not kind or loving. 
 
My experience is that I do well at friendships much of the time, but there are times when I decide my need or desires are or should be more important than that of the other person.  There are other times when I truly do not understand the reason for a person wanting to end the friendship and I want to pressure them to explain to me until I understand.  I know, of course, that friendship requires I just honor their wishes. I do not need to understand.
 
As with all lessons, learning how to be a friend to myself, others, and even mother earth is a process.  At nearly 78 I am still learning.
 
Written February 22, 2018
 

​Panache
 
At first I was a bit surprised that a down home country “boy” would suddenly use the word panache, but then I considered that its journey  had taken it to France from Italy and had begun its journey from the Latin word pinnaculum which is a diminutive of pinna “feather” .  Of course a country boy would know about feathers of various birds –pheasants, chickens, robins, bluejays and one must not neglect those proud turkeys – wild and otherwise. That, of course, leads us to those human who malign the reputation of turkeys.   But I digress.
 
It would seem that the city turkeys or perhaps a city turkey had appropriated the term,  which is a high falutin way of saying stole it from the country boys (and girls).
 
Another young man picked up on the theme of feathers and suggested that he might wear me as a boa.  Obviously this country boy (me) has been living too long in the city because I completely missed the point. I did know, of course, that “Birds of a feather flock together.”
 
I was again reminded panache has come to mean flamboyant confidence of style or manner (oxford dictionary) perhaps because  style can often masquerade as substance.
 
It is convenient to divide each other into groups and claim privilege based on the artificial assignment of style.  While I value the  knowledge of knowing how to function in certain settings without drawing attention to myself, I must not mistake that for a FDA certification of safely or quality.   Men and women in suits will sell me a used car which may or may not run until I leave the lot or a medication with a new name for the price of a new home.  Men and women in clerical garb calling on the God of their understanding have fed my ancestors to the lions.   Men and women who covered themselves in the deeds to property branded some as witches.
 
So today I ask myself, “Who indeed has panache?”  Perhaps the good old boy who is smiling all the way through the country song has more rights to that claim after all.
 
When I view the world from the vantage point of the neck around which I am draped I might just smile and see what the Gods see: Panache at the point of origin.
 
Written February 20, 2018

​Decision making
 
More often than I would like – once is too often – I open mouth and insert foot which is to say that I do not make a conscious decision about how to respond to a person or situation. I just react.   Just this morning I had a call about an insurance claim one of my clients had submitted.  I thought I had submitted the information the exact way they made me submit it last time.  Rather than just saying thank you for letting me know and redoing the claim I had to tell the person at least two or three times that they need to be consistent with what they want so I do not have to resubmit to the client who then resubmits to the insurance company.  I am sure that I sounded frustrated and critical.   The manner in which I responded was not consistent with my core values.
 
My goal is to make decisions based on my core values.  That is, I want to patiently check in with my core values before I initiate action.  I also want to take responsibility for my decisions.  Saying that I just did something or just reacted can make it seem as if I am ignoring the fact that I made a decision to not step back before responding.  When I step back I can check in with my core values before making a decision.
 
If I want to keep my core values in the forefront of my mind I need to periodically write them down to see how clear they are. My core values are:
 

• Take daily responsibility for the care of my body – emotionally, nutritionally, physically, and spiritually.
• Treat myself and others with love and respect.
• Look at long term results of a decision or action.
• Accept responsibility for my actions.
• Make amends when I am hurtful.
• Accept my humanness without making excuses for my behavior.
• Accept that my behavior affects many others and strive to do no harm.
• Let go of attachments – do not make other people, places or things responsible for my health or well-being.

 
Obviously, the particular wording of core values is very personal - the wording of core values is also a work in process.  When I am intentional about my decision making, and use my core values to evaluate my decisions prior to actions, my chances of taking action which serve me and others well is much better.   
 
Using core values as the criteria for making a decision does not always lead to feeling good about a decision.  For example, I just met with a father whose daughter is in addiction relapse mode.  There is no way of knowing what decisions will be most helpful.  If he does too much for her she will never learn how strong she is or can be. If he does do little to help her she could end up dead.  No matter what he does she still might end up dead. He knows whatever he does, he wants to do with love.  Yet, recovery must be her decision.  He wants to treat her with love and respect even if she is not able to accept or experience his behavior as loving.  He can share his decision-making process with others who know about addiction.   Even then there are no guarantees.
 
For today, using my core values I will make the best decisions possible.   When possible, I will share my decision-making process with others whose values I trust.  For today, this is the best I can do.
 
 
Written February 20, 2018
 
 
 
 
 

​Time for new leadership?
 
I have noted that nationwide a number of young people are running for office this year.  I am delighted to see that students who were directly and indirectly affected by the shooting at Parkland High School determined to have a voice in the relationship this nation has with guns, gun manufacturers, and gun lobbyists.    I am very hopeful that they can keep a positive message while making it clear they want to be the voice that helps to move closer to the end of mass murders.
 
Those who have a vested personal, political and/or financial interest in the manufacture, sale and ownership of guns will, once again, insist that guns do not kill, people do.   That is one of those true statements, which sounds as if it means something but which entirely misses the point.  The point it misses is that healthy people do not whip out a gun every time they are hurt, sad, angry, or want to prove a point.  Healthy people and nations are committed to finding non-violent solutions to dealing with mental illness, anger, grief, differences of opinion and other conflicts.
 
If we adults cannot or will not model non-violent solutions, then it is time to turn over the reigns of power to our young people.
 
I read in the local newspaper that the main issues facing those responsible for dealing with the Parkland shooter, Nikolas Jacob Cruz is whether he will spend life in prison or face the death sentence. Really!   Does it make any sense to respond to a violent act with violence? We would like Nikolas and all the other troubled people of all ages in our society to deal with their issues non-violently. Yet, what we model is that when one is having a difficult time emotionally/mentally, just angry or if one does not like the behavior of another person or country, one should  whip out a gun(s) (and other weapons of mass destruction) and start shooting or, as in the case with North Korea, threaten to bomb them. 
 
It is ironic that in this country we just finished celebrating the work of Martin Luther King, Jr. who was killed in a non-violent fight to create a more just world. Yet, at the very same time we have a more intimate, trusting relationship with our guns than we do with each other.
 
If the focus is finding non- violent solutions for all of us to use than we need leaders with the courage of the Martins Luther Kings, Juniors of the world.  Perhaps some of the young people running for office can join the students of Parkland to take over the leadership of this country. 
 
Hats off to all those young people and even some of us older folks who are willing to take on the responsibility of offering positive solutions to how all of us can live together.  Part of that solution is compassionate and competent mental health care, appropriate diagnosis and treatment of kids and adults who are not doing well - not just discarding them or putting them to fester or rot in jail -, more effective support of law enforcement using non-lethal tools, and less reliance on  bully, violent leadership on the world stage.
 
Written February 19, 2018