I was saying to a friend yesterday that I am very grateful that I have never earned a high salary. Having said that I recognize and am grateful for the fact that I have and am living better than most of the world’s population. When I say that I have not earned much I mean that as long as worked for community mental health centers, even with two master degrees I never made much over $30,000.00. In private practice some years my net income was slightly more. The reason why I am grateful for not making more is that I was not tempted for that amount of money to compromise my values. Of course I would like to believe that I would not compromise my values for any amount of money but it is always difficult to be sure of that if one has never been in that position. It is certainly easy to think that I would not compromise my values for a significant income. It would be wonderful to be in a position to help my son and some particularly creative friends spend full time on their creative efforts or to allow some other friends and relatives to have an easier or more enjoyable life. In fact I have often said that I would like to be a rich socialist with a clear conscience. Of course, that has not happened and is not likely to happen. But the question is always what I would do to have that sort of money?
Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. I am not suggesting that everyone who makes a relatively high income or who has money from other sources compromises their values in order to obtain or to hang on to that money. I am really just talking about the fact that it seems easy for many of we humans to live a life of “dis ease” because we have convinced ourselves that our only choice is to do whatever we have to do to hold on to a particular job, marriage or other satiation.
I was reminded of this fact yesterday when talking to a friend whose was saying that this very nice woman she knows will not speak up to her superiors because apparently she is fearful of losing her relatively low paying job. This woman is a liaison in the trust department of a major bank. She seems sympathetic to the fact that the people in charge of the trust at the bank are clearly acting in a way, which insures the most money for the bank, rather than being true to the obvious intent of the deceased mother who set up the trust for her son. I know enough about bank salaries to know that a person in her position is not making a huge salary. Yet, she, the people managing the trust, and the attorney who originally wrote the will setting up the trust are seemingly caught in the trap of putting and keeping themselves in positions which are very stressful. How do I know that these people are likely feeling very stressed? I can make a very educated guess because in my practice as a licensed counselor, in my early role as a minister or in my role as a friend I have talked to many people who go to work every day hating and feeling very stressed about their jobs. It I true that some has limited options. Others do not “see” any other choices open to them. I was one of the fortunate ones, who as a young man found himself, unable to afford to quit work and go to college, but able to initially take one class at a time. Eventually, by working, getting some help for a time from the GI education bill, getting some help from my then wife who was working outside the home, and the fact that even prestigious universities were then relatively inexpensive I was able to complete the education I needed to pursue my chosen career. When that did not turn out to be what I wanted to do long term I was able to go back to graduate school while continuing to work full time. The fact that I was physically healthy enough to be able to do this was a blessing for which I can take very little credit. I could easily have had a chronic illness or condition, which prevented me from having enough energy to do that.
Still, my experience is that the circumstances in which we find ourselves does not seem to matter as much as our attitude or our ability to trust that putting one step in front of the other will eventually help us reach our goal. My friend Becky who has written extensively (see her book, Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows and her weekly blog, “authorbeckyjohnen.wordpress.com”) about how to change our attitude no matter what obstacles life throws in our way. In fact I just chatted via email with Dr. Johnen, who, even as I type, was working off some frustration about an unfair situation by taking charge of some projects over which she does control. In this instance, she is organizing files, organizing some areas in the garage and doing laundry. By the time she finishes she will able to focus enough to write. All the recommendations she writes in her blog or in the book are evidence based! She daily practices what she advocates for others. This is one of the reasons she is such a trusted and competent teacher.
Last week I had dinner with some friends from West Virginia to celebrate the fact that the man now has five years clean from drug addiction. He is working at a job helping troubled teenagers and on his way to attending seminary and being ordained a Methodist minister. How has he done this? He would tell you that he has done it one-step or one day at a time. At first he had to rely on the faith and experience of others. Now he has can rely on his own faith and experience as well as the ongoing support of others and listening to what he advices teenagers and others.
Sounds pretty simple, but, as I have previously stated we still need to take the advice of Soren Kierkengaard’s to take that “leap of faith”. It is that very first step which is often the most difficult for all of us.
I have talked to individuals who sincerely believe that they “need” a minimum of $400,000.00 a year to live a decent life. I know of others who are convinced that they need even more. I know folks who have young children and feel stuck in a minimum wage job because they do not have the time, energy or money to do what they need to do to get more education or find another job. On the other hand I know individuals who have and will do whatever they have to do to piece together an income or create a business. There are millions of stories such as the Blenko Glass Factory story. The family, which started this business in 1893, put together enough money on several occasions (4 if I am remembering correctly) to travel as a poor family from England to the United States to begin a new venture. Three times they failed and had to return to England. Finally in 1921 they tried one more time The traveled to Milton, West Virginia, borrowed $500.00 and opened the business where their heirs continue to operate their hand blown glass factory today. How was this possible? Some to us cannot seem to find the resources to move across town much less from one continent to another.
Often I ask clients who feel stuck what they would advice a child of theirs to do in a similar situation. Very often, this person who sees no way out of their current “trap” has wonderful, practical advice for how to proceed. I firmly believe that, baring acute mental illness or other brain dysfunction. we all have these other wise voices available to us. We also already have the strength and courage that we need.
I often suggest that clients watch or again watch “The Wizard of Oz” because it is a reminder that we have the courage, intelligence, ability and the heart to take that leap of faith. Clicking our heals may be a simple as picking up the phone and making an appointment with a counselor at school or going to the library to read stories of others who have found themselves in a similar situation or asking others for advice.
We are not trapped. We do not have to settle for a job or situation, which seeks to steal our values – our soul.
RSS Feed