​Another Bias!

While scrolling through Ted Talks this morning at the gym I looked, as is frequently the case, for one which would challenge me in one or more ways.  There are many ways to challenge and impress this simple man.   For example, last evening I was in the hot tub at the YMCA at the end of a full day  talking to a Jewish man who had grown up in Europe and who is a retired professor. I was not that surprised that he spoke several languages – Hebrew, Arabic, French and Engish – or, that, unlike me, talked as if he had just finished reading many of the books by well known philosophers.  He could recite specifics examples which I had long forgotten. From what this man was sharing he is around my age and obviously continues to nurture his intellect and his heart.  I had seen this man on a number of previous occasions and, for whatever reason, we had not struck up a conversation.   I am not very skilled, despite my education and work as a professional counselor, in picking out the person(s) who will be my teacher de jour. Yet, I now know that this man has something I want –  well researched and thought out opinions from a perspective and background which is clearly different than mine. I could easily have missed what this man had to offer. One might think and I certainly hope that given last nights reminder I would have been particularly alert to my biases and, thus, less likely to have them make my decisions today.  Yet, I chose a Ted talk this morning solely on the basis of the title, “Capitalism will eat democracy – unless we speak up” .  I had no idea that the speaker, Yanis Varofakis , was  a member of the Greek Parliament from January to February of 2015 and for 5 months of that time the Minister of Finance.   Surely anyone who has been involved in the Greek government is the last person who might educate me about capitalism  or democracy.  Really!   Yet, this very bright, educated, courageous man had and has a lot to teach me. I may read one or more of this books on economics and game theory.  According to Wikipedia and other sources “Varoufakis is a participant in the current debates on the global and European crisis, the author of The Global Minotaur and several academic texts on economics and game theory, Professor of Economic Theory at the University of Athens and a private consultant for Valve Corporation. He is a dual Greek-Australian citizen and describes himself as a 'libertarian Marxist':”    I also learned that “Varoufakis is married to installation artist Danae Stratou and has a daughter who is growing up in Sydney, from his first marriage to academic Margarite Anagnostopoulou (Poulos).”,

All this is impressive and interesting, but it is his very knowledge and understanding of the distinction between political and economic democracy which has piqued my interest. He said what I had been thinking and saying for some time, but he put it in historical context.   Listen to what  this learned professor says:

“Am I right in believing that democracy might be the answer? I believe so, but before we move on, what do we mean by democracy? Aristotle defined democracy as the constitution in which the free and the poor, being in the majority, control government.
Now, of course Athenian democracy excluded too many. Women, migrants and, of course, the slaves. But it would be a mistake to dismiss the significance of ancient Athenian democracy on the basis of whom it excluded.

What was more pertinent, and continues to be so about ancient Athenian democracy, was the inclusion of the working poor, who not only acquired the right to free speech, but more importantly, crucially, they acquired the rights to political judgments that were afforded equal weight in the decision-making concerning matters of state. Now, of course, Athenian democracy didn't last long. Like a candle that burns brightly, it burned out quickly. And indeed, our liberal democracies today do not have their roots in ancient Athens. They have their roots in the Magna Carta, in the 1688 Glorious Revolution, indeed in the American constitution. Whereas Athenian democracy was focusing on the masterless citizen and empowering the working poor, our liberal democracies are founded on the Magna Carta tradition, which was, after all, a charter for masters. And indeed, liberal democracy only surfaced when it was possible to separate fully the political sphere from the economic sphere, so as to confine the democratic process fully in the political sphere, leaving the economic sphere -- the corporate world, if you want -- as a democracy-free zone.”

He goes on to say that although we and many other countries are basically a political democracy (although those who have studied financing of elections in the United States and the lobbying system might argue even with this assertion) those very same countries are not a economic democracy.

Bear with me while I offer one more quote:

It is rather because one can be in government today and not in power, because power has migrated from the political to the economic sphere, which is separate.

Indeed, I spoke about my quarrel with capitalism. If you think about it, it is a little bit like a population of predators, that are so successful in decimating the prey that they must feed on, that in the end they starve.

Similarly, the economic sphere has been colonizing and cannibalizing the political sphere to such an extent that it is undermining itself, causing economic crisis. Corporate power is increasing, political goods are devaluing, inequality is rising, aggregate demand is falling and CEOs of corporations are too scared to invest the cash of their corporations.

So the more capitalism succeeds in taking the demos out of democracy, the taller the twin peaks and the greater the waste of human resources and humanity's wealth.

Clearly, if this is right, we must reunite the political and economic spheres and better do it with a demos being in control, like in ancient Athens except without the slaves or the exclusion of women and migrants.”

 Is his talk he distinguished between the the basic principles of the Athenian Democracy  (despite their obvious biases)  and the democratic base of the United States, Britain and some other countries which is the Magna Carta.  The Magna Carta?  Yes, I had read it, although I am not at all sure that I had studied it. Perhaps!  Perhaps not!  Thank goodness for the internet and goggle. It was not long before I had read it at least twice. That, of course, does not get me even a D – were I to be tested on it. It did give me a sense of a document which continues to share much of the thinking of the average person about economics and, in particular, the the underpinning of our thinking about democracy and economics.

I have already quoted for more of  Professor Varufakis than I have intended and perhaps I have quoted so much that I have strayed much too far from the reminder to myself that I wanted to share today with the reader.

That reminder seems particularly important and poignant in terms of our thinking about international issues, but even more immediate regarding our thinking about the upcoming Presidential primaries and eventual election the Untied States. It will continue to be tempting to play the blame game, point figures, make snide  and discounting remarks, but I want to suggest that is if you are, like me,  grossly uneducated about the particulars of the economic issues resulting in our increasing deficit, the increasing national and international polarization, our approach in the United States to the judicial system and the growing sense of alienation which is contributing to addictive thinking (drugs,power, religion,sex) we will need to educated ourselves enough to begin to identify some of our misconceptions and biases about what will help to bring about a more viable and just economic system in the United States and world wide.   Money per se is not the root of evil. Money or the sharing of it is, however, (1) necessary as a medium of exchange (2) a symbol of what we hold dear and (3) a mere tool and not in and, of itself, a symbol of democracy, fairness, spirituality or long-term economic viability.

As is true of any person I have many, many biases. The more I realize the extent of my biases the more I can continue to enjoy the excitement of learning new “truths”.

Written January 28, 2016

​The magical piano
 
A few minutes ago I was reading something which poked fun at one of the United States presidential candidates.  I was smiling and in my heart of hearts I was agreeing. I do not find this person easy to love and yet…   I am transported back to a texting conversation I was having last evening with a woman I know who has lived with the active addiction of her husband and the Asperger’s of her son.   Her son is now living on his own in a  nearby city.  Her husband is not only active in a recovery program, he is active as a minister and  was on the dean’s list this past semester at the college he is attending.   Soon he will be ready to start working on his master’s degree and doing what he needs to do to get licensed as a professional counselor.  His wife was also telling me that she and her husband have a pregnant woman who is also in  early recovery from drug addiction living with them.
 
They have both taken all the tough experiences of the past and are using what they have learned to design and live their life in a way which is meaningful to them and helpful to others.  Not everyone is able to do this, but an amazing number of people are able to take a very negative situation and turn it into a very positive one.  One of the stories which I loved on a Ted Talk, to which I was listening earlier today, was about an experience of Keith Jarrett, the jazz musician.   The Ted Talk is by Tim Harford and is entitled, “How messy problems can inspire creativity.”  Mr. Jarrett was to play a jazz concert in Germany and when he checked out the venue and the piano prior to the concert, he discovered that the piano was not only out of tune but was missing the felt on some of the key hammers.   The piano was clearly unplayable.   It just hours prior to the concert.  The teenager who had arranged this particular concert had no way to get the piano Mr. Jarrett needed prior to the concert.   Mr. Jarrett was waiting in the car when he noticed this teenage girl standing in the rain looking crestfallen.  He felt so bad for her that he determined that he would find a way to play the concert on this unplayable piano.   Mr. Hartford then goes on to describe what happened when Mr. Jarrett sat down at this unplayable piano:
 
“Within moments it became clear that something magical was happening. Jarrett was avoiding those upper registers, he was sticking to the middle tones of the keyboard, which gave the piece a soothing, ambient quality. But also, because the piano was so quiet, he had to set up these rumbling, repetitive riffs in the bass. And he stood up twisting, pounding down on the keys, desperately trying to create enough volume to reach the people in the back row.
03:36
It's an electrifying performance. It somehow has this peaceful quality, and at the same time it's full of energy, it's dynamic. And the audience loved it. Audiences continue to love it because the recording of the Köln Concert is the best-selling piano album in history and the best-selling solo jazz album in history.”
 
Mr. Harford goes on to suggest that:
 
“That's a good way to solve a complicated problem. But you know what would make it a better way? A dash of mess. You add randomness, early on in the process, you make crazy moves, you try stupid things that shouldn't work, and that will tend to make the problem-solving work better. And the reason for that is the trouble with the step-by-step process, the marginal gains, is they can walk you gradually down a dead end. And if you start with the randomness, that becomes less likely, and your problem-solving becomes more robust.”
 
Another Ted Talk to which I listened while I was at the gym this morning had to do with the same issue of problem solving. This one was by a man who is both a police officer in one of the messiest cities crime wise and a minister. The title of his talk is “I love being a police officer, but we need reform.”  He says:
 
“And so now, over the next 19 months, I shifted, and I transcended from being a drug sergeant -- ready to retire as a drug sergeant -- and went from level to level to level, until I find myself as a district commander, commander of the worst district in Baltimore city. We call it the Eastern District, the most violent district, the most impoverished district -- 46 percent unemployment in that district. National rating at that time, national rating, the AIDS and the tuberculosis [rating], was always on the top 10 list for zip codes for cities across the nation, or just zip codes across the nation. The top 10 -- I didn't say state, I didn't say city -- that little neighborhood…And so I decided to come to that intersection where I could meet all classes, all races, all creeds, all colors; where I would meet the businesses and the faith-based, and the meds and I would meet all the people that made up the communities that I had authority over…
 
So I met them and I began to listen. See, police have a problem. Off the top, we want to bring things into the community and come up with these extravagant strategies and deployments, but we never talk to the community about them. And we shove them into the community and say, "Take that." But we said we'd get rid of that stinkin' thinkin', so we talked to our communities. We said, "This is your community table. We'll pull up a chair. We want to hear from you. What's going to work in your community?" And then some great things started to happen.”
 
He also said:
“No way in the world that we should be calling the police because my neighbor's music is up too loud, because his dog came over to my yard and did a number two; there's no way we should be calling the police. But we have surrendered so much of our responsibility. Listen, when I was a little boy coming up in Baltimore -- and listen, we played rough in the street -- I ain't never see the police come and break us up. You know who came? It was the elders. It was the parental figures in the community. It was those guardians, it was that village mentality. They came and said, "Stop that!" and "Do this." and "Stop that." We had mentors throughout all of the community.”
 
If the reader is looking for something new in this blog or any of my blogs for that matter,  then he/she is going to be disappointed. The reader may accurately intuit that I wrote about similar examples in such blogs as “The Impossible dream.”  Indeed I did.  In fact a lot of my blogs have the same central messages, none of which are original to me.  The core of the messages are:
 
·      Pay attention
·      All problems/situations are relationship problems/situations.
·      See problems or changes as opportunities.
·      Love works. Us versus them does not work.
 
This is pretty simple.  As did the musicians living in the death camps under Nazi Germany, Mr. Jarrett made do with what he had and played some amazing music.   Mr. Russel, the minister and police officer,  switched from ‘us versus them’ to “we” or “them is us and us is them.”   The Socratic philosophers often suggested that the road to wisdom began with “knowing oneself.”  Teachers such as Jesus talked about the speck in the eye of one’s neighbor reflecting the log in one’s own eye.  Buddhists often suggest that we are all a mirror of each other even though costumes of culture, race, gender and religion might make us seem different. 
 
Mr. Russell took what he “knew” as a minister and applied it to his other calling as a police officer in Baltimore.  Ironically he went from being a drug sergeant to being that person who is struggling with the loneliness of living with addictive addiction to being part of the we of the 12-step recovery program.   In the 12-step recovery program the “one addict helping another” philosophy has been the key to  claiming or reclaiming one’s place as a valued, powerful, and important member of the community.   The community has to let go of ‘they (meaning the police) have to make Johnny behave’ to ‘we need to show Johnny how to live.’  I am an elder. The members of the police force are elders. The grandmother next door is an elder.  We are all elders and as a community of elders we can make a huge difference.
 
Just yesterday I was congratulating or acknowledging the fact that R has 15 years in recovery. I recall hearing him tell his story of being in the grip of his addiction in a hotel room all by himself in Chicago.  It was a lonely, desperate place.    For many years now he has been an elder both in the 12-step recovery community and the community as a whole inviting others to be a part of the solution – to be a part of the we.
 
Mr. Jarrett thought that the problem was that the piano was out of tune; a feltless piano.  But, in fact, it was his relationship with it that was the problem.  When he went from “that piano” to the we of the piano and himself amazing music was created
 
But what if my piano today is that political candidate who I see as broken? Can I accept the challenge  to quit viewing him or her as the problem and accept that I have the power to see him or her as  the other half of the “we?”   I want to say, “Please, please give me another way of learning this lesson. This one is impossible but then I think of that broken, useless piano.  Humm….
 
Written January 26, 2016

​Six- year-old Sam asks about naked paintings
 
Late Sunday afternoon, I was  pleasantly surprised to see six-year-old Sam coming from the house in which she and the rest of her family lives.
 
Me:  Good afternoon Sam.  It is unusual to see you at this time of day.  What would like to drink?
 
Sam:  We just found out that school is canceled for tomorrow.  Mom and dad said I should come talk to you.  Can we make hot chocolate Uncle Jim?
 
Me: We sure can.  How about we just make it from cocoa in the microwave?
 
Sam:  Okay. That is fun.   Will you put the milk in the microwave to heat Uncle Jim?
 
Me:  I sure will.  Here is the cocoa, sugar, and vanilla. Do you remember how much of each?  Here, let’s look on the side of the cocoa can.  Two tablespoons of cocoa.  Here is tablespoon Sam.
 
Sam measures two tablespoons of cocoa.
 
One to two teaspoons of sugar.  I think we decided that one is enough.
 
Sam measures the sugar.
 
A pinch of salt.
 
Sam:  My pinch is smaller than yours, isn’t it Uncle Jim?
 
Me:  It is, but I think your pinch is just fine.
One fourth teaspoon of vanilla.
 
Sam:  Do I have to measure that Uncle Jim?
 
Me: No, you have become quite the cook.  I think you can estimate that pretty well.
 
Ping. The microwave announces that the milk is hot.
 
Me: Okay Sam.  Mix up all the dry ingredients and the then add to the milk.
 
Here are some miniature marshmallows to add to it.
 
Sam:  Yummy!  Uncle Jim , we were watching a show on television about the paintings in the Sis ton ..   the Siston.   It is this church where the Pope lives.
 
Me: Ahh.  You mean the program on the paintings in the Sistine Chapel. I thought that was a really good program.
 
Sam:  Yes. That was it Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  Did you enjoy it Sam?
 
Sam:  Yes, but I did not understand why someone came along and made some of the people in the paintings wear clothes. Sometimes they just put this light cloth on and you could still see what was underneath Uncle Jim.  
 
Me:  Yes.  That does seem very strange Sam.   
 
Sam:  There was a big argument when they cleaned the paintings a few years ago.
 
Me:  Yes, it was not clear whether some of the paint was scraped off and whether it was just covered up with more paint   If it had been scraped off then it would have ruined the paintings more. You understand that Sam.
 
Sam:  Well kinda.
 
Me:  Here I can show you.    Let make up two small bowls of frosting with powdered sugar, butter, and milk.  We will make one yellow and one green.  I will put the ingredients in each bowl and then you can start stirring one and I will  stir the other.
 
We do that and then I put two small square of waxed paper on the counter.
 
Let’s put some frosting paint on each of these and then we can wait for them to dry.
 
Sam:  This is fun Uncle Jim,but I still do not understand why they made somebody paint over them in the first place.
 
Me:  Fair question.  You know that the paintings are in a church, right Sam?
 
Sam:  Yes. Does that mean that God does not like to see naked people Uncle Jim?
 
Me:  Oh,  I think that God sees us as we are all the time. I don’t think that God cares whether we have on clothes or not. God always sees us just as we are.   One of the painting that people were upset about was called The Last Judgement.  Michelangelo apparently thought that since we are born naked with no secrets that when God is going to check on how we are doing he will see us as naked, meaning we will not have any secrets.  Also, many people did not think that there was anything wrong with being naked
 
Sam: So the painting was intended for God to see and not for people to see?
 
Me:  Good guess Sam but usually paintings, including this one, is someone’s idea of what they think something will look like. It is for humans to see. God does not need a painting.  For example, you have talked about becoming a veterinarian when you grow up.  We could try painting a picture of what we think you will look like when you graduate from school.  You may look much different or very similar to the painting. We could also paint you taking care of animals.  Sometimes  you already have a picture in your head of what that would look like.
 
Sam:  But we would not paint me naked, would be Uncle Jim?
 
Me: No,  we would paint you wearing clothes – either a cap and gown or a doctor’s coat  so that you did not get all dirty when you were doctoring animals.  But no matter what clothes you wear, you would know whether or not you were doing the right thing.  For example, what would you do if someone offered you a lot of money to take care of a healthy animal and someone else did not have money to take care of a sick animal?  If you could only see one of these animals which one would you see?  
 
Sam:  I would have to see the sick animal Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  Let’s take a little break and add  paint over the frosting with the opposite color on both of these squares.
 
Sam paints over the frosting paint on one of the squares with the opposite color.  I scrape off the frosting paint on the other square and then paint it with the opposite color.
 
Me:  I am sure that is what you would do Sam.   Let’s suppose you really wanted a new phone and you could only get it if you saw the healthy animals whose owner had a lot of money.
 
Sam:  If I did not see the sick animal, I would know I had let it die Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  Yes, we always know when we do something which is not right. In that sense, our thoughts are always naked to us and to God. If they were  not naked, we could just pretend to ourselves that we had not done something that we should not have done.
 
Sam:  So naked thoughts are like naked people Uncle Jim.
 
Me: Yes. The artist wanted to show, with a painting, that God always sees us just as we are and not how we pretend to be.
 
Sam:  That makes sense Uncle Jim.  Then why did people want to put clothes on some of the people in the painting?
 
Me:  Well, there was a group of people who formed a meeting called the Council of Trent.  They were afraid that people would look at the painting and only see beautiful, naked people.  If that is all they saw, they would not think about the fact that some day they were going to have to explain to God why they had not been nice a lot of the time.
 
Sam: Is that sort of like when I see the cake mom or dad just made and want to eat it before dinner?
 
Me:  Very good Sam.  That is a perfect example. You are so smart.
 
Sam: But mom and dad do not hide the cake, do they Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Not most of the time but occasionally they might keep it out of sight until after dinner.
 
Sam: That is true.
 
Me: So the intention was good but it is still not clear what was the right thing to do.  Probably we humans are going to be disagreeing about such issues for a long time.
 
Sam: Uncle Jim, how do we know what the original painting looked like?  Did they take a picture of it?
 
Me: No.   A cardinal called Alessandro Farnese had asked someone to paint a copy of the original on wood before they changed it.
 
Sam:  That was good, wasn’t it Uncle Jim? Now I could take a picture with my phone and put it on the computer. Then I could share it with everyone.  Then  everyone would know and it would not matter.
 
Me: That is right Sam.  As a matter of fact, I recently looked at a photo of the copy on the computer.  I think the program on the television also showed a copy of it.
 
Let’s see if the frosting paint is dry.  I touch it with my finger.  It seems to be dry.
 
Me: So we are to very carefully try to scrape off just the top layer of paint to see if we can preserve the old first one.
 
Sam:  Okay. (Sam presses a little too hard and both layers come off). It all came off uncle Jim and now you can just see a faint color.
 
Me:  Yes.  Let me try Sam.
 
I very carefully scrape off the paint on the other square which I had scraped off the original color as much as I could before I painted the second color.  There is now only faint traces of both colors.
 
It is very hard. Still you get the idea.  If someone had scrapped off the original paint before they painted over it then they could not tell what was there originally.  Sometimes, however, if something was just painted over, an art restorer can very carefully remove the top layer of paint.
 
Sam:  Art restorers?
 
Me:  Yes.  There are many paintings which have been damaged or painted over.   People study for a long time to learn how to try to bring back the original painting.
 
Sam:  So, are naked people bad Uncle Jim?
 
Me: No, naked people are not bad, but we need to know that some people are not comfortable with naked bodies and we have decided that we will only be naked in certain places.
 
Sam: Paul said there are beaches where people go naked!
 
Me:  (smiling).  Yes, that is true. There are signs so that anyone who is uncomfortable seeing naked people in public will know not to go there.  Other people enjoy being naked.
 
Phone rings and I answer.
 
Me: That was your dad Sam. Time for dinner.  I will clean up here. Go home to dinner now.  
 
Sam:  Thanks Uncle Jim.  
 
We exchange hugs and off she goes.
 
 
Written January 25, 2016

​A responsible friend, neighbor, citizen of the earth
 
I recall a time when I was delusional enough to think that I could limit myself to purchases of food, clothes, and other goods which were being grown, processed, or made by folks who were treated with respect.  To be sure, movements and organizations such as Fair Trade  sometimes helped,  but I soon realized that it is often impossible to trace the origin and progression of all the materials which go into one product much less thousands of them.  For example, I am sitting at Panera’s typing.  There are very few people here this chilly Florida morning. This gives me an even clearer view of the facility.  From my chair I can see furniture, lights, ceilings, windows, walls, wall coverings, paint, drink dispensers, and the kitchen area which houses a  lot of equipment.   I am wearing sneakers, athletic socks, gym shorts, athletic underwear, a tank top, an athletic top, sunglasses, contacts, misfit bands, and a lanyard which carries my gym tags and key as well as my library tag.  I also have my car keys, my iPhone, my briefcase, and a number of items including paper, pens, contact case, eye drops, and lip moisturizer. Since I have car keys, it is obvious that I have a car which has many parts which were made in various places in the world.  
 
Oh yes, I am drinking coffee in a cup and I have added half and half to the coffee.
 
I am probably missing several items such as the concrete walks which include the rebar, the sand, and the other ingredients for the concrete sidewalk and what appears to be an asphalt parking surface.
 
All of the ingredients and the products involved people performing various tasks.  How many of these fellow human beings are being emotionally and financially treated with love and respect?  How many are earning a living wage?  How many are tools for the success of a person(s) or victims of human trafficking?  Noy Thrupkaew, a journalist, defines human trafficking as “the use of force, fraud, or coercion to compel another person’s labor.”  She reminds us in  a Ted Talk entitled “Human trafficking is all around you. This is how works” that despite the common thought that human trafficking is just about the those forced to function as sex workers it is much more.  She says,
“Forced prostitution accounts for 22 percent of human trafficking. Ten percent is in state-imposed forced labor, but a whopping 68 percent is for the purpose of creating the goods and delivering the services that most of us rely on every day, in sectors like agricultural work, domestic work and construction. That is food and care and shelter. And somehow, these most essential workers are also among the world's most underpaid and exploited today. Human trafficking is the use of force, fraud or coercion to compel another person's labor. And it's found in cotton fields, and coltan mines, and even car washes in Norway and England. It's found in U.S. military bases in Iraq and Afghanistan.”



Mrs. Thrupkaew had not thought much about human trafficking prior to the day her then therapist asked who raised her for the first years of her life.    She asked her mother and then the memories of the very loving person raising her came back as did the memories of this person being frequently beaten by a member of the family.  She then began to think more and in a broader way about human trafficking.

 
I recall being a Midshipman at the U. S. Naval Academy and even then wondering how it was that several Philippine workers were assigned to each table in the dining hall thus allowing all 4,000 plus Midshipmen (this was before women were admitted) to be served a several course, freshly cooked meal at the same time.  I wondered where these men (I think that they were all men) came from and how much they were paid. There were well over 1300 of these men plus those working in the kitchen and all those who insured that the ingredients were there.  Although I did not spend a lot of time researching this subject, I did spend some time and could not find any articles about how these men got to Annapolis, where they lived, and how much they were paid.
 
Later I was at Princeton Theological Seminary.   I was acutely aware that Princeton was home to many academics as well as many wealthy people.   Housing for the servants was not that apparent and, yet, I was to discover that there was tenement-like housing for these servants usually well hidden from public view.
 
In 2014 I moved to a villa/condo  in Dunedin, Florida. I did not realize until I actually moved how white  and middle to upper class Dunedin is. People of color work for the lawn service which  services the condo community.  If I am biking to Clearwater, I go through a section which seems predominantly occupied by African-Americans and some Latinos.   How was it that I did not notice this until I moved?  I know that I was seduced by what was the relatively low cost of a condo. Although there are also some very expensive houses and condos, compared to what I was finding in the Pittsburgh area where I lived, they are very affordable.  I “know” that although I am at the low end of middle class income wise, I really am better off than much of the world’s population.
 
I have no hope of living in way which allows me to completely avoid products which profit from all forms of human trafficking.  I can continue to try to avoid the companies which most obviously oppress or use people unfairly.   The real issue which I think we must continue to attempt to address is the ongoing addiction to power and money of those who use others humans as objects or machines.    As I have previously mentioned, I define addiction as our attachment to or our attempt to find something outside of our self to prove our worth or to fill that void which says  that it is not enough to be us – that we need alcohol, other drugs, sex, power, money, things to prove we are more than so that we can be enough.
 
Obviously, most of we humans seem to look outside of ourselves to find that next high which will make us feel better. Whatever it is does not fill the void for long. We always need more and more and more of whatever.   As long as this perceived need is there we very creative humans will find ways to force, coerce, or take advantage of dire circumstances of other human beings.  In the end, this only keeps us separated from each other thus causing us to feel more of a void thus  feeding the belief that we need more of whatever thus leading us more alone thus ….  One gets the idea of this vicious cycle.
 
It is going to take all of us working together to break this cycle. Can we do it one person – starting with ourselves – at a time?  Certainly we can. All that creative energy which we put into our abusive, addictive behavior can work miracles.
 
Written January 24, 2016

​The first of the Ten Commandments
 
I have recently been thinking a lot about the origin of the concept of sin. The idea or concept of sin has been a concern of every human since they began to consider what behavior might benefit each other.  At some early point in history, we humans began to codify what specific behavior would be considered bad or wrong.   I am not sure at what point in historical time that we humans began to assign the responsibility for delineating sinful behavior to the gods or to a single god. 
 
Different religions posit different concepts of sin.  Consider what Krishna constitutes as sin.  According  to enotes.com,
“Once this basic concept of dharma is clear, we can describe sin - called papa in Sanskrit- as all actions not in line with dharma. Evil covers all actions intended to cause harm to others and society.
At times, society may be harmed by some action sanctioned by dharma because of the uncertainty of result. Such action is not sin. But if the intention is to deliberately cause harm to others, rather than total good of the society, then such action is evil. All evil actions are also sins, because they violate the basic requirement of dharma that our action must be guided by good of the total society rather than by considerations of personal benefits.”
 
 Some Christian theologians and Jewish scholars define sin as:
“. . . sin is understood mostly as legal infraction or contract violation or violation of Christian ethics, and so salvationtends to be viewed in legal terms, which is similar to Jewish thinking. (Wikipedia.org)
 
My understanding of the teachings of Jesus is that sin is any action which keeps us separated from ourselves.  Thus, not embracing one’s sacred humanness would keep one separated from self.  If one is not present to self, one cannot be present to others or to the rest of universe or the God of one’s understanding.  Thus, one might conclude that my concept of sin is more in line with the teachings of Krishna than with the teachings of many Christian theologians or scholars.
 
Although there are many similarities between the 10 commandments, the seven deadly sins or the eight evil thoughts the first of the ten commandments is unique in that a single God was posited as different than we humans.  Still, the first of the ten commandments makes it seems to me as if this single God has a lot in common with some of the gods who the Greeks posited.  As was true with some other groups of people, the Greeks envisioned many gods who had many human attributes. Thus, it is not surprising that there was a Greek god of envy and jealously. This god was Pythons.
 
“Hthonos  (or Phthonus) was the spirit (daimon) of envy and jealousy.  He was associated in particular with the jealous passions of love. In one ancient Greek vase painting he even appears in the guise on an Eros (winged love-god) in the company of Aphrodite.  The female counterpart of Phthonos was nemesis, goddess of jealous retribution, who was often concerned with matters of love, as well as indignation at undeserved good fortune. “ (theol.com)
It is important to note that Phthonus is not posited as a jealous God. He is posited as the god/spirit (daimon) of envy and jealously. The Greek gods could both be concerned about some of the core qualities of we humans while also exhibiting the same qualities or characteristics.  
 
Monotheism is much different in that He/She has no associates with whom to have the kind of relationship issues which had characterized the Gods of the Greeks and other communities/groups.  
 
The ten commandments, as I originally learned them, were from either the King James or a more modern translation of Exodus 20: 1-17.   Commandment 1 is:
 
Then God delivered all these Commandments:
1.   "I, the Lord, am your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. You shall not have other gods before me. You shall not carve idols for yourselves in the shape of anything in the sky above or the earth below or in the waters beneath the earth; you shall not bow down before them or worship them. For I, the Lord, your God, am a jealous God, inflicting punishment for their father's wickedness on the children of those who hate me, down to the third and fourth generation; but bestowing mercy down to the thousandth generation, on the children of those who love me and keep my Commandments.”
 
It is fascinating to me that in this passage of Exodus and in some other passages of the Old Testament we now have a monotheistic religion envisioning a God who is all knowing and all powerful but who retains the characteristics of a weak ego despotic ruler who cannot stand to have anyone hate him or pay homage to any idols or other false Gods.  
 
Although there may be those who claim that it is the belief by some Muslims that visual depictions of Muhammed are sacrilege, I am not convinced that the reasons for this belief are for the same reason that this first commandment of the ten commandments is posited. I cannot locate any reference of Allah getting angry if one worships or pays homage to another God but certainly some Muslims get angry because they believe showing a visual image of Muhammed is disrespectful.  I may need to be corrected on this.
 
In Christianity, again, I understand the teachings which are attributed to Christ have a lessening of this idea of God having a fragile ego although there is still  many in the Christian religion who  read some of the translations of the words attributed to Jesus as requiring that it is only by allegiance to the name of Jesus and it is only by acceptance that salvation only comes through absolute obedience to Jesus that one will have “eternal life.”   One can certainly read the New Testament as positing a Christ who  retains some vestiges of the jealous God.  Yet, in stories of the behavior of Jesus toward others, we have this very simple, foot washing, unconditionally accepting man who does not need the God-like adoration of others.
 
This is not intended to be a theological treatise and, thus, I will not attempt to present a more scholarly argument for this question I am posing about this commandment. I am hoping to stimulate a thoughtful discussion about whether we need to continue to hold on to an angry, jealous, weak ego concept of God.
 
In future blogs I will attempt to open up a discussion about the other nine commandments as well as the seven deadly sins and the eight evil thoughts.
 
Written January 23, 2016

​Meeting my family
 
I cannot recall exactly when I discovered the magic of books.   I do know that no matter how poor we were there were always some books in our house. Usually, in addition to school books, there was a paperback or a magazine such as Popular Mechanics which my father was reading. It was not until much later in life that I discovered my mother also liked to read.  As a child it did not occur to me that my mother was much too busy to read.  Taking care of five children and a husband without the luxury of electricity, running water, or much money left little time for reading or other pleasures. 
 
Compared to our house, my paternal grandmother’s house had an extensive library. Although there many farm chores which had to be done each day there was always time for music, writing, and reading. 
 
I think I must have been in the second or third grade when I discovered that an entire world of people, places, and ideas awaited my discovery via books.   I now suspect that in the small, regional, country school I attended there were not that many books. I do know that there were western novels and a few by authors such as Dostoyevsky. Often I would delay reading the last few pages of a book just so I did not have to experience the profound sense of loss of my new or old friends. 
 
As a child on the farm I could be found or, more accurately not found, by my mother who needed me do chores, in the intersection of branches in one of the large oak or walnut trees.
 
It was through the magic of books that I discovered other places, ideas, and a wide assortment of people.    Although I recall doing well in school, I do not recall getting excited about school books.  I now know, of course, that many of them contained the same limited world I experienced with most of my classmates.
 
In the little, regional, country school I attended there were some wise teachers such as our fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Shepherd.  I distinctly remember her saying to the class, “I want you to read. I do not care what you read.  I know you boys read those ‘dirty little books.’ That is fine.  As long as you read anything, you will learn to enjoy reading. Reading will open the entire world to you.”  I, and I am sure the other boys and girls, were shocked that the asexual Mrs. Shepherd (Yuk!) knew about sex and those little books.  Only later did I appreciate how wise she was.
 
My love affair with the magic of books continued to deepen throughout my life. Mr. Twain, Mr. Shakespeare, Ms. Maya Angelou,  Ms. Giovanni, Dr. Miller, Mr. Yeats, Mr. Einstein, and many others happily visited with each other on my bookshelves while I am renewed my acquaintance with Mr. Rosenfelft, Ms.Emily Dickinson, Dr. Kaufman, Dr. Russell, Mr. Kant,  got acquainted with a new physicist friend, or sat down with a new book by Eckhart Tolle, or …
 
Today, in addition to the physical building of the public library, I can spend hours  with Mr. Goggle or invite Ms. Amazon to magically one-click me an instant visit on my Kindle.  Friends also await my visits via Facebook messenger, email, or a blog. I still get excited as I did as a child when I experience the magic of being transported to the virtual salons of the world.
 
Words  594
 
Written January 20, 2016

 
 
Oh dear.  I have now spent the last hour or two attempting to correct a problem with the iMessage service on my Macbook.  It seemed as if I have finally solved the problem or perhaps it was not me but something with the service at AT&T or Apple which got corrected. Oops. Spoke too soon. That is not the case.   At any rate, I am spoiled by having it work and was very hopeful that the problem was fixed.
 
I am fascinated by the fact that I get so obsessed with solving a problem whether it is a business problem, a problem with the computer or smart phone, or a home maintenance issue.   It so often feels as if it is very important that the issue get resolved.  Sometimes I am  better at allowing myself to ask for help, but often there is  no one close whom I can ask for help.   I can call Apple support when I am having a problem with the Macbook but not for the phone without paying.  To take the Macbook to the Apple store in Tampa requires a substantial block of time.  
 
I do remind myself that I have lived  for years/much of my life without most of the devices which I now feel are so important to me.  I did not have a smart phone, a computer, a dishwasher, my own washer and dryer, an ice maker, or many of the other conveniences which now often feel like necessities to me.
 
What makes it seem so important that I fix the problem, whatever the problem de jour is?  The possibilities are:
1.   I am committed to getting something written or some project done. When I make a promise, it is important that I do everything I can to keep that promise even if I know the person will be understanding/patient. (The real problem is not wanting to admit I cannot keep my promise.)
2.   I need to prove that I can fix or solve some problem/issues.  My self-worth is dependent on being able to do that.
3.   Some old message, which I no longer believe, creates anxiety which I attempt to dispel by solving/fixing the problem.
4.   I am naturally eager to experiment with solving/fixing a problem, which I started  attempting to do at a very early age.  I was always much better at dissecting or taking something  physical apart than I was in putting it back together.  My father and my siblings were much better at putting some physical object (car, toaster, etc.) back together again.
5.   I have an diagnosable condition such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
6.   Some combination of these five options.
 
I have now identified the problem and deconstructed it.  My suspicion is that the answer is number six – some combination of one through five.  Regardless of the answer how important is the answer?  It is not that important. What I really need to do is to practice the serenity prayer, be very intentional about breathing, and giving myself clear positive messages  while making  a clear decision what I am going to do – ignore, call x and make an appointment, ask for advice, aggressively throw out the device,  or run screaming naked down the hall!  I could also engage in a positive, alternative behavior.
 
Most often,  I can either find an answer on the internet or I can find someone to help me. Frequently it is cost effective to hire someone. If it is a problem with a small, inexpensive device I may be better off just purchasing a new one.
 
There are times when it is not an option to buy a new device or to take it to someone for help/repair.  In that case, I may just need to use this an opportunity to practice  “letting it go.”  This may be uncomfortable, but it could result in long-term benefit of getting caught in this trap less often.  
 
Written January 22, 2016

​Our story
 
Throughout my life I have put myself in the midst of situations which caused me great anxiety.  The anxiety has been primarily related to the fact that I ‘knew” that this was the time I had grossly overstepped the boundaries and would be exposed as a fraud.  Sometime the fear was justified. Sometimes it was not.
 
In the case of my first marriage I knew, at some deep level, that there was something different about me.  I probably even knew then that  I was primarily gay although I had yet to apply that label to myself .   I somehow convinced myself or bought into what I had heard.   “I just needed the right woman to confirm my heterosexuality.”    Still, we together  conceived this wonderful person, our son, who today is this delightful human being.
 
There were many other occasions when my anxiety arose from  stories  which I learned early in life.   It does not matter how or where I learned these stories. So many factors affect what a child learns to believe about himself or herself.  Some of these stories were disproven many times over the years and, yet, I continued to believe them.  One of those stories, for example, was that I had only a minimally functional intellectual ability.   Yet, knowing this I:
 
     Kept attending various training program offered by the U. S. Navy.
     Based on the  advice/recommendation/orders of my Captain, I applied to attend Naval Prep School for a year which, for a member of the enlisted corps, was a step towards getting an appointment to the U. S. Naval Academy.
     Agreed to accept an appointment to attend the U. S. Naval Academy.
     Took a job as assistant administrative officer for a naval research organization.
     Entered a  college to study philosophy.
     Applied and was accepted  to get a Masters of Divinity degree at a very competitive seminary.
     Applied and was accepted to Masters of Science program.
     Signed up for and took ballet lessons in my thirties.
     Accepted positions for various jobs including statistician, pastor of a church, computer programmer, and others.
 
What was wrong with me?  If I “knew” that I was barely functional intellectually, why would I keep putting myself in these and many other situations which required an intellectual and physical ability as well as an agility which I “knew” I did not possess?  Every time I put myself in one of these positions which conflicted with some deeply internalized story I got  very anxious.  No amount of self-talk would or will immediately lessen the anxiety.   When the anxiety visits I have two choices:
1.  Continue with the planned activity  and live with the anxiety.
2.  Allow the anxiety to take charge and withdraw from the planned activity.
 
Invariability, my choice is number 1.  My need to live a life which is fulfilling and of which I am proud always  or almost always trumps the anxiety.
 
Every day all of us face similar decisions.   Do we choose the emotionally safe road and live with the disappointment and possible boredom or do we take what Soren Kierkegaard called the leap of faith?
 
I just talked to a women who feels as if she cannot survive living without the person with whom she has fallen in love.  This person is still married and even though this person has not been intimate with his partner for some time, no separation is planned for at least the next several years  or at least until all the kids finish high school.  Even then some event could convince this couple that they need to stay together.   Anything could happen.  One of them or one of the children could get seriously ill resulting in them deciding to stay together.  On the other hand, of them could decide that life is too short and decide a divorce is the best option. They could fall back in love.
 
Of course, the woman to whom I talked wants reassurance that there is a definite time frame and that she can be assured – as much as anyone can be assured – that she has a future with this person.   She has decided that since she cannot have the relationship she wants  and feels she needs, she will end the relationship.  Yet, the story she tells herself is that the other person is unwilling to take an emotional risk. This leaves her feeling as if she is powerless and, thus, a victim.
 
For a very long time, this woman to whom I have been talking has avoided strong feelings other than for her daughter.  For many years she was able to turn off uncomfortable feelings whether by numbing or just avoiding them.  She told herself that either she did not have to experience them or could not experience them.   She has since learned that she is much stronger than she believed that she was.  She has also learned something of the freedom that we experience when we allow ourselves to face the discomfort of certain emotions and walk/crawl/stumble through them.  Still, when a new set of emotions arise she has to, once again, remind self that she is not that weak, fragile person the  old story/the anxiety might tell her she is.
 
One might legitimately ask, “Do we ever get rid of the anxiety?”   I would have to respond, “Not really.”   We can get to the place where we just notice it and remind ourselves that we are much stronger than we feel; that we can make decisions based on the new truths.   In other words we repeat the new story to ourselves.
 
I was listing to a woman author talk about the process of writing and how the characters seem to take over the story at some point.   Every author to whom I have ever listened has talked about that process.   It is the same with us only we are both the author and the character in the story.   We can allow whatever story we learn as a child about ourselves to determine our lives or we can write a new story.  The new story may or may not feel like a good fit but if we  keep trying it on we always find that we are in charge of our story.  It has to be within the context of details over which we have no control, but  no matter what the circumstance,  it can be our story and not the story someone attempted to impose on us.
 
Written January 21, 2016

​Invisible
 
Today is January 20,2016.  Earlier this morning, I was listening to a Ted talk by Ash Beckham which is described as one in which she “offers bold suggestions for how to stand up for your moral integrity when it isn’t convenient.”  In this brief talk she describes a situation in which she, as a lesbian woman, is mistaken for a male when she takes her niece to “a meet and greet with Anna and Elsa from "Frozen." Not the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen," as this was not a Disney-sanctioned event. These two entrepreneurs had a business of running princess parties. Your kid is turning five? They'll come sing some songs, sprinkle some fairy dust, it's great. And they were not about to miss out on the opportunity that was the phenomenon and that was "Frozen."
 
She says that following a long wait in line, “So we get to the front of the line, and the haggard clerk turns to my niece and says, "Hi, honey. You're next! Do you want to get down, or you're going to stay on your dad's shoulders for the picture? (Laughter) And I was, for a lack of a better word, frozen. (Laughter).”
 
At that moment Ms. Beckham has two seeming opposing desires:
1.    Protect the moment for her niece who is very excited.
2.   Stand up for herself as a woman who happens to be lesbian and who happens to have her hair cut short but also is clearly a female.
 
As it happens, the clerk does realize her mistake and apologizes. Ms. Beckham very graciously accepts the apology and then goes on to talk about polarity versus duality. She is using the term polarity to denote having two views, thoughts or opinions which oppose each other.  She is using the term duality to denote having two views, thoughts, or opinions which are “not in diametrical opposition, in simultaneous existence.”    She goes on to explain, “I know Catholics who are pro-choice, and feminists who wear hijabs, and veterans who are antiwar, and NRA members who think I should be able to get married.”
 
Certainly most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, have what may seem to some others as views, opinions, or thoughts which seems to be in direct opposition to each other.
 
Often, as Ms. Beckham points out we may feel as if  someone makes an incorrect assumption about us or someone else we need to advocate for us or them.   For example, one may assume that all gay men are effeminate and, thus, if one is a man and more traditionally masculine then that one has to be heterosexual.  One may then feel a need to correct the person. At the same time, one knows that it is important to be accepting of the humanness of all of us  One may be in a situation, such as the one in which Ms. Beckham found herself,  where one does not want to detract from the main event.     One thus has two co-existing values.  Often in that situation one has just seconds to make a decision about which value will prevail.
 
No matter what one decides, one may feel sad, shameful, or some other negative feeling about the value one did not publicly honor.   It may seem very important that one not perceive oneself as weak, cowardly, or otherwise unwilling or unable to stand up for one’s values.
 
Later, I found myself wondering why it is so important to let others know what one thinks.  I was sitting in Panera’s writing and several of the men and women (mostly men) were lauding the opinions of Mr. Trump, decrying the opinions of President Obama, Hilary Clinton, and other so-called liberals.   They were also expressing their admiration for Mrs. Palin, the former vice-presidential candidate.   It is not my habit in these situations to speak up with my opposing opinions.  These are the same men and women who seem to be in favor of gun control, keeping the Muslims out of the country, and sending all illegals back to their home country, although I am not sure if this includes all the landscape or yard workers who take care of their property.   Yet, there is a part of me which feels guilty about not defending the integrity of President Obama and even Mrs. Clinton. There is a part of me which feels bad for not pointing out why I think that the opinions and proposals of such folks as Mr. Trump are simplistic and would not lead to a more just and loving world.  At the same time, I am convinced that if I spoke up I would end up just coming across as arrogant and as self-righteous as I perceive them to me.   Another thought I have is that I do not agree with some of the opinions and actions of such people as President Obama and Mrs. Clinton.  I am not always convinced that their approach is the best either.
 
I do think that it is important that we have serious, respectful debates about many issues which affect our lives and the lives of our children  and all their children.  I do know, however, that:
      A public restaurant may not be the best place for such a debate.
      I am not an effective debater. I am more effective in writing than I am in “thinking on my feet.”
      That I could easily be heard as just wanting to let them know that they are wrong.
      I do not want them thinking or telling me what an idiot I am or not thinking the way that I do. Their opinion of me matters to me.
      It is not the responsibility of these men and women to validate me.
 
In the end, I just listen and do not offer an opposing opinion. On the other hand, I do not indicate that I agree with them. Of course, I must admit that they have not expressed any interest in my opinions.
 
Once again I feel very alone and invisible.  Of course, they have no idea of what I am thinking or feeling.  I doubt that they have given me or my possible opinions any thought.  Although several of them now say hello to me and know my first name (at least one of them has read one or two of my blogs and claimed to be confused about what I was saying), they have never made any effort to include me in their conversations.  Part of me assumes that they know or think that they know that my thoughts or opinions are not worth hearing.
 
On the surface it seems that we have nothing in common. Yet, I know from listening to them that we share many values. They care about their families and even about each other.  They like good food, nice homes, and they seem to care  about a lot of the same issues I care about.  Their “solutions” seem to be much different than mine.
 
It seems as if once they accept someone into their circle they care deeply.  I am not part of that circle.  This is partly my choice. I choose to think differently about many issues. I put myself in such situations as many of those who seem to regularly patronize Panera’s knowing that we have many similarities and many differences.  Religiously, politically, and culturally we may have many different opinions.  There may be others at Panera’s who think more as I do but who assume that I am a white, middle class, conservative person.  I do not know what they think.
 
If I am invisible to many and many are invisible to me, it is partly because I, as was the case with Ms.Beckham, put myself in situations where I am as invisible as those I “see” but do not see. Those at Panera’s, for example, who seem to exist as a polarity with me may, in fact, exist as a duality – ones with whom I have more in common than I have differences.  If I am invisible to them, they are also invisible to me.
 
The challenge to myself is, of course, to remember this next time I am feeling invisible.
 
Written January 20, 2016

​Legacies
 
For many years, one of the questions I have asked myself daily is, “If this is my last hour or day to live, what legacy do I want to leave?”   Of course, I realize that while I am attempting to answer this question I must attend to the dailies – all those chorettes which are a part of daily living and which allow for the possibility of living another hour or day.  I am acutely aware that I do not want to leave a mess for my son or my friend T who is the executor of my will. On the other hand,  I do not want to spend so much time and energy on insuring that all is in order that I neglect friendships.   I know, of course, that it is all about attachment or lack of same.   
 
A good example is the writing of this blog.  I have now been sitting in front of the computer for over two hours and all I have accomplished is reading some  on the internet, thinking about the gathering at the Quaker Church in St. Petersburg last night to celebrate the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. and the legacy of the many in attendance who have been involved in the movement  to create a more just and loving world.  While there, we not only got to meet some wonderful people and share a good meal, but we also got to share some of our favorite stories about our involvement and witness to the  love and courage which such a struggle demands.  I personally was aware of all the missed opportunities to be a witness  to such examples as Martin Luther King Jr as well as those times when I did join others  in that attempt.  I was also acutely aware of the fact that the temptation was always to confront others about my perception of their unjust or unkind behavior.  Often I did so in a way which was judgmental and as unkind as the behavior of which I was accusing them.    Even at the time I was not always entirely unaware of the contradiction inherent in my behavior as compared to what I professed wanting to do.  This awareness did not, however, often seem to lead to consistently constructive change in my approach.  
 
It was not the lack of more positive examples which prevented me from changing my approach.   Even then I was aware of the strong, but consistently affirming approach of such people as The Rev. Dr. George MacPherson Docherty and his wife Mary.  In my memory,  the image of Mary Docherty is most clear.   There standing in the office where we gathered before going to speak to members of Congress  or a prayer vigil was this short, straight standing, Scottish woman with what I saw as “old woman purse and shoes” checking to see if her husband had remembered to get bail money before leaving to join the prayer vigil at Lafayette Park across from the White House.   Mary would pat her “old woman purse” and assure George that she had gotten enough bail money for both of them.
 
There are many such stories of men and women who had the courage to be both strong and gentle in their witness to and for love.  Yet, I seemed never to reach the level of spiritual and emotional maturity which, in my memory,  was and is so evident in people such as  Mary and George Docherty.   These individuals seemed to be able to stay clear that  the message was their current behavior.  Thus, even though the prayer vigil was meant to draw attention to the strong belief that racial disparity and violent wars such as the one the United States was waging in Vietnam and Cambodia needed to stop, it was just as important to treat the police or other representatives of law enforcement agencies with  genuine love and respect.     Many of the rest of us, including this human, often seemed to find it “necessary” to remind the law enforcement individuals that they needed to  refuse to enforce the laws of the unjust, cruel, racist, people who employed them. That was not kind and certainly did nothing to create a safe atmosphere for healing or change.   Certainly our way of reminding folks might not have been verbal but even if silent, the message was clear.
 
Today I have an opportunity to leave a more loving legacy.   One of the reasons that I have written so little is that I have stopped to be with some other people including  a woman who needed help with getting connected to the internet at Panera’s and responded to texts and then a phone call from a lovely man whose life has again been hijacked by addiction.  I also texted with a young man who is struggling to find a direction for his life.
 
Pema Chodron, the Buddhist Nun,  often suggests that we keep our spiritual goals simple.  She says that sometimes doing something as simple as allowing ourselves to enjoy a good cup of coffee is all we need to do.  She would suggest that treating ourselves well allows for the possibility of being present to others.    Obviously, engaging in behavior which is destructive such addiction, is not kind to ourselves even if it temporarily makes us feel better.
 
There is a common  bit of advice that many “old timers” remind  the newcomer to a 12-step program.  It is, “Keep it simple stupid.”  While the word stupid might not sound loving, I have often heard it used in a loving manner. I have also heard it said in a unkind way.  The point is that our big human brains can over complicate the process of leaving a legacy of which we can be proud.   My goal with the young man who is struggling with active addiction is very simple:  
      Daily text and email him to let me know that he is loved.
      Do not try to fix or rescue him.
      Take his phone calls.
      Remember that our roles could be switched.   If I get attached to self-righteousness,  I will be just as destructive as the drug addiction.
Those are very doable goals.  Just for today I can do my best to leave a legacy of love; to practice the serenity prayer as written by Reinhold Niebuhr.
 
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
 
We may find that the long version is not as helpful as the short version:
 
O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
The courage to change what can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other
 
If we have the tendency to then contemplate the nature of the God of our understanding of a higher power we could just say:
 
I am going to practice showing up today.
I am going to focus on what I have control over today, i e. can I stop what I am doing to listen or help someone is some simple manner?
 
If I find my mind obsessing about what I cannot control I will gently bring my attention back to something I am capable of doing right now.
 
Most important, for me, is to daily or perhaps many times on some days remind myself that this could be the last minute or hour that I am going to live. How important, then, is what I am doing? Is writing one more blog that important?  Probably not.
 
Written January 19, 2016