Attachment
Although I like to think of myself as flexible, I am well aware that the accusation by many others that I can be somewhat attached to my schedule has a lot of truth to it. I was particularly aware of that fact this past week or so because of planned travel to visit my son, a houseguest and other commitments.
My clear goal (clear to me) is to make intentional decisions about spending my time and energy in a way, which matches my value system. Of course, that includes doing those tasks, such as paying bills, performing home chores and taking care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually. For me, there never seems to be enough time to do all I want to do. There is always more I want to do than time, energy and/or money permits.
For example, I want to honor my friendship with my friend, John, who is visiting this week. I also want to honor other friendships and relationships with family and with clients. If I am going to honor those commitments I want and need to spend time exercising, eating, praying/meditating, and exercising my mind. I also need to rest and to sleep as well as maintain my home, cook and do other routine chores.
Part of my commitment to myself and to my spiritual principles/beliefs is to be honest with myself. I know, from many long years of experience, that I am very good at finding reasons/excuses to not exercise or do other tasks which might not be very much fun or which I might not always feel like doing. Although others may see me, for example, as very committed to exercising, the truth is that if I do not exercise at a regular time I can easily get much too busy to exercise and soon it has been three months, six months or longer since I exercise. I also know that I can easily get “too busy” to prepare good meals, write letters or otherwise communicate with those I care about. I have a self-imposed rule, which states that I must respond to letters, texts, emails and phone calls the same day I receive them if at all possible.
I also know, of course, that life is very brief and not much matters except how well I love today. If I die a little sooner than I might have if I had been better at taking care of myself, it will not really matter. At nearly 75 years of age I will well aware that life is only two minutes long and it does not matter if my house is clean, my weight is exactly what the medical experts say it should be, or if have everything is in order. At the same time, I want to be very aware that every decision I make affects everyone else in my life – everyone around me in fact. Yet, if I am too obsessed with making sure that I am considering all possible consequences of every decision, I will not do anything. I will spend a lot of time just obsessing and not acting. I will also drive everyone around me crazy.
Frequently – perhaps always – the secret seems to be holding on to the knowledge of the yen and the yang – the positive and the negative – the seemingly contradictions inherent in all “truths’ in this brief journey of life. I “believe” this and certainly my experience tells me that this is true. Yet, I can get attached to being “right” and to the “right” way of doing whatever or the “right” political opinion or the “right” way to be spiritual or the “right”… As soon as I hear myself switching from an opinion or a preferred way of approaching some commitment or task to insisting that my opinion is the right opinion or the right way to do something, I know that I am not living as I said I want to live.
My spiritual teacher often reminds her students that if we find ourselves arguing in favor of our way of thinking about spirituality; of the “rightness” of loving over “hating” than we are now focused on being right and not on the relationship with the person with whom I am having this argument or discussion. If I am busy loving I cannot be busy trying to prove my point. I cannot allow myself the seeming luxury of the delusional thought that I am right because bla, bla, bla…
Although I like to think of myself as flexible, I am well aware that the accusation by many others that I can be somewhat attached to my schedule has a lot of truth to it. I was particularly aware of that fact this past week or so because of planned travel to visit my son, a houseguest and other commitments.
My clear goal (clear to me) is to make intentional decisions about spending my time and energy in a way, which matches my value system. Of course, that includes doing those tasks, such as paying bills, performing home chores and taking care of myself emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually. For me, there never seems to be enough time to do all I want to do. There is always more I want to do than time, energy and/or money permits.
For example, I want to honor my friendship with my friend, John, who is visiting this week. I also want to honor other friendships and relationships with family and with clients. If I am going to honor those commitments I want and need to spend time exercising, eating, praying/meditating, and exercising my mind. I also need to rest and to sleep as well as maintain my home, cook and do other routine chores.
Part of my commitment to myself and to my spiritual principles/beliefs is to be honest with myself. I know, from many long years of experience, that I am very good at finding reasons/excuses to not exercise or do other tasks which might not be very much fun or which I might not always feel like doing. Although others may see me, for example, as very committed to exercising, the truth is that if I do not exercise at a regular time I can easily get much too busy to exercise and soon it has been three months, six months or longer since I exercise. I also know that I can easily get “too busy” to prepare good meals, write letters or otherwise communicate with those I care about. I have a self-imposed rule, which states that I must respond to letters, texts, emails and phone calls the same day I receive them if at all possible.
I also know, of course, that life is very brief and not much matters except how well I love today. If I die a little sooner than I might have if I had been better at taking care of myself, it will not really matter. At nearly 75 years of age I will well aware that life is only two minutes long and it does not matter if my house is clean, my weight is exactly what the medical experts say it should be, or if have everything is in order. At the same time, I want to be very aware that every decision I make affects everyone else in my life – everyone around me in fact. Yet, if I am too obsessed with making sure that I am considering all possible consequences of every decision, I will not do anything. I will spend a lot of time just obsessing and not acting. I will also drive everyone around me crazy.
Frequently – perhaps always – the secret seems to be holding on to the knowledge of the yen and the yang – the positive and the negative – the seemingly contradictions inherent in all “truths’ in this brief journey of life. I “believe” this and certainly my experience tells me that this is true. Yet, I can get attached to being “right” and to the “right” way of doing whatever or the “right” political opinion or the “right” way to be spiritual or the “right”… As soon as I hear myself switching from an opinion or a preferred way of approaching some commitment or task to insisting that my opinion is the right opinion or the right way to do something, I know that I am not living as I said I want to live.
My spiritual teacher often reminds her students that if we find ourselves arguing in favor of our way of thinking about spirituality; of the “rightness” of loving over “hating” than we are now focused on being right and not on the relationship with the person with whom I am having this argument or discussion. If I am busy loving I cannot be busy trying to prove my point. I cannot allow myself the seeming luxury of the delusional thought that I am right because bla, bla, bla…
RSS Feed