Serenity prayer
For a variety of reasons, I have been familiar with the life and works of the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr for many years. Almost daily, because of my work with those using the 12-step program as a framework for recovering from active addiction, I am reminded of the short version of the serenity prayers by Mr. Niebuhr. It is:
God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference
The longer version continues:
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would like it.
Trusting that he will make all things right,
If I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this world
And supremely happy in the next
One does not have to believe in an after world or life to see the value in this prayer. If one is paying attention one “knows” the more one accepts one’s powerlessness over other people, place or things the more one can relax and/or focus on what one can accomplish. Seems and is pretty simple. Yet many of us spend countless hours, days, weeks and even years far removed from a state of serenity. We may, as I did recently, stay awake most of the night worrying about, resenting, and exploring potential unkind or “clearly stated” responses to be the behavior of another person. In my mind I “know” what response from the other person would be right, fair, just or even logical. Yet, for reasons which elude me and which clearly could not make sense, some other person continues to choose to behave in a way which they decide is best or necessary. Sometimes I stay awake worrying about how I am going to fix or repair some item in my home. I am perfectly well aware that someone I have survived nearly 4 scores with things getting repaired, fixed or not. Somehow life went on even with things did not get fixed or the repair person required not only my first born but the next two months of my salary! Life goes on with or without me!
All people have their own reasons for behaving the way they do. I do not cause them to behave in a certain manner. Certainly, my behavior can greatly affect how another person responds but they still have their own history and may often impulsively react because of that experience and/or craft a response based on their core values. Many do not have a system for identifying why they respond the way they do and/or have practiced explaining the world by blaming other persons, places and things for all that makes them uncomfortable.
My core values tell me I am responsible for doing my best to love unconditionally – without demands and expectations – and to not accept responsibility for the behavior of others while accepting responsibility for how my behavior may affect others.
As I prepare for the new year I will, once again, remind myself to practice the serenity prayer; to trust that I can only do my best today to summon or own the courage to focus on what I can control today and not blame other people, places or things for my behavior. If I, for example, choose to love conditionally – to only love if others behave how I think they should – I must live with the anger, resentment or other negative feelings which will steal the essence of who I am.
For me this is a full-time job. As Father Boyle posits, “God is much too busy loving us to be disappointed in us.” I need to be much to busy loving others and myself to be judging or blaming others
Written December 30, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coach Pickett, LPC, ADC
For a variety of reasons, I have been familiar with the life and works of the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr for many years. Almost daily, because of my work with those using the 12-step program as a framework for recovering from active addiction, I am reminded of the short version of the serenity prayers by Mr. Niebuhr. It is:
God grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference
The longer version continues:
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time.
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would like it.
Trusting that he will make all things right,
If I surrender to his will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this world
And supremely happy in the next
One does not have to believe in an after world or life to see the value in this prayer. If one is paying attention one “knows” the more one accepts one’s powerlessness over other people, place or things the more one can relax and/or focus on what one can accomplish. Seems and is pretty simple. Yet many of us spend countless hours, days, weeks and even years far removed from a state of serenity. We may, as I did recently, stay awake most of the night worrying about, resenting, and exploring potential unkind or “clearly stated” responses to be the behavior of another person. In my mind I “know” what response from the other person would be right, fair, just or even logical. Yet, for reasons which elude me and which clearly could not make sense, some other person continues to choose to behave in a way which they decide is best or necessary. Sometimes I stay awake worrying about how I am going to fix or repair some item in my home. I am perfectly well aware that someone I have survived nearly 4 scores with things getting repaired, fixed or not. Somehow life went on even with things did not get fixed or the repair person required not only my first born but the next two months of my salary! Life goes on with or without me!
All people have their own reasons for behaving the way they do. I do not cause them to behave in a certain manner. Certainly, my behavior can greatly affect how another person responds but they still have their own history and may often impulsively react because of that experience and/or craft a response based on their core values. Many do not have a system for identifying why they respond the way they do and/or have practiced explaining the world by blaming other persons, places and things for all that makes them uncomfortable.
My core values tell me I am responsible for doing my best to love unconditionally – without demands and expectations – and to not accept responsibility for the behavior of others while accepting responsibility for how my behavior may affect others.
As I prepare for the new year I will, once again, remind myself to practice the serenity prayer; to trust that I can only do my best today to summon or own the courage to focus on what I can control today and not blame other people, places or things for my behavior. If I, for example, choose to love conditionally – to only love if others behave how I think they should – I must live with the anger, resentment or other negative feelings which will steal the essence of who I am.
For me this is a full-time job. As Father Boyle posits, “God is much too busy loving us to be disappointed in us.” I need to be much to busy loving others and myself to be judging or blaming others
Written December 30, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coach Pickett, LPC, ADC
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