This morning, Friday, the 27th of November I began my day very routinely and thankful that I had no need to engage in black Friday shopping.  The older I get, the fewer gifts I purchase and those gifts I do get  I can either order on line or I can bake something.  I am at the age where most people I know need very little and want even less.  Even my son who is well into his adult years enjoys  the freedom of a gift certificate or a check.  Other friends enjoy small gift which  have  a short shelf life such as something which can be ate or drank. They certainly do not want anything which has to be moved, eventually disposed of or dusted. Certainly I am most appreciative of  a gift which is thoughtful, but which requires little to no care!  Giving backed goodies is another favorite of mine.  When possible I like to deliver those on Christmas Eve or Christmas day.  Occasionally,  I deliver them on New Year’s day. Most of my friends who come from a variety of religious or spiritual frameworks. Those for whom Christmas is a religious holiday are long past thinking that that Jesus cares the perfect gift or the room decorations in which we practice how to love.
 
At any rate, I did morning email and text messages while I enjoyed a cup of coffee before heading to the gym for my morning workout.  I then headed to greet the neighbors – a lovely group of people who have morning coffee and/or also have their office at one of the tables a Panera’s.    We are not among those who rent very upscale Panera or Starbuck’s like space which may have a little more privacy and space. We are perfectly grateful to be getting space for the price of a cup of coffee (actually a refill sicne I a cup my own cup which is cheaper ) and possible a pastry or breakfast sandwich. 
 
After reading the paper and eating a breakfast sandwich I settle down to respond to email before beginning  to work on the bog which I write daily.  This morning one of the early emails related to a change in time for a medical appointment in Pittsburg.  I open the calendar on the computer only to discover that I cannot enter anything because there is a word document whicht taken my calendar hostage.  Nothing I do to gently or more forcefully return the work document to its proper  room or to eliminate it from my document files works. Soon I am determined to force what I soon come to view as the bully back to its room.  Since I am at Panera’s I cannot openly  assume my best drill sergeant voice to order the recalcitrant, arrogant, obviously spiritually challenged bully to back out of the calendar room and respectfully and contritely return to its own room.  Still, I am convinced that my silent sending of my electrical impulses will make it obvious to the document that I am a person who means business and, thus, a person to be obeyed.  After all, I am a very kind and good man who is only interested in what is best for Mr. Calendar and Mr. Document.  My concerns have nothing to do with my need to hold on the illusion of having some control over something.  I am, after all, a graduate student in spirituality.  I know about Step 1 of the 12 step program to which I am quick to refer many struggling with addiction. Why just recently did I not write a separate, long blog on each of the 12 steps and on the honestly, open mindedness, and willingness which is necessary for spiritual growth.  I am well practiced in “letting go and letting God”. Really?  Surely I am not having these very arrogant and self righteous thoughts. Well, yes, there is that other principle of humility – of accepting that we are all in the process of moving one step forward and two backward in terms of spiritual growth.  Still…
 
Darn!  I can either spend another two hours “proving” that I am more powerful that this  this stubborn, self centered word document or I can come to terms with the fact that I need help.  It is now 9:30 and I have been wrestling with this issue for over two hours.  Reluctantly and a little more humbly I pack up the laptop and head to Tampa to the Apple store where I am greeted by one of those Apple shirted children who I am sure should be sitting in Mrs. Shepherd’s 4th grade class. Soon one of these children have assigned me to a stool at the genius bar. It is not long before another physically large child (they are all much larger than me) is quizzing me about the reason I am there. He very nicely takes charge and lets Mr. Document know that he  is not putting up with any more nonsense.  Well, apparently Mr. Document is deaf, blind and stupid.  It should be apparently this man can take Mr. Document and toss him completely out of the computer. I mean, after all, this is a young man build for football.  I would certainly do whatever he tells me.   Obviously, Mr. Document is even more stupid than he initially appeared. No matter what Mr. Football player does the Documents actually keep smirking!  Smirking!  How stupid can one document be.   Soon this young man decides he will go find the coach to ask for suggestions. Before long he returns with a smile on his face. Surely coach has told him what play to execute. He pulls back his shoulders, takes charge of the mouse and executes the play.  Nothing! He tried again.  
 
By this time I am  feeling validated as a strong, bright, powerful man who could not have been expected to overcome the irascibility of the the mentally ill and spiritually challenged Document. Whew!
 
Finally the young man goes for the A team football player masquerading as an Apple Genius team person. They huddle, pull out and charge.  Nothing.    Eventually they come up with a sneaky, end play maneuver which defeats Mr. Document.  It is now noon. I and my “team mates” have now spent a total of 4 ½ hours (counting travel time) defeating this little pipsqueak.
 
Since I have Apple Care I have not spent any money on this formable defense team although they recommend that I purchase an emergency shelter for laptop otherwise known as a backup drive!  With tax this is nearly $80.00 , but I do realize it is a wise recommendation. One never knows when a terrorist bully will again hold the computer hostage.
 
Some others might have noticed that there are endless opportunities to learn, relearn or to practice what we say we believe .  Indeed, I am powerless over other people, places or things.  I do “appreciate” the fact that it these opportunities are priceless.  I have the choice of either accepting that I am powerless and taking advantage of the fact that I get to spend some rather enjoyable time with two young men or whine about the fact that my schedule has been interrupted.  I “know” my schedule very little to do with my spiritual goal or what I say are my spiritual goals of just showing up and trusting that I will always get what I need to grow spiritually.    It is so much easier to write  about the joy of growing spiritually.  The truth is that I keep relearning the same lessons over and over and over. As far as I know this is true of all we humans.  Mr. Document, in the meantime, is looking a little self satisfied and I could swear that he is say, “See, I told you I was a blessing.”  I am not quite ready to admit to Mr. Document that he is accurate. I will get there.
 
Written November 27, 2015
 

Six-year old Sam talks about her friend Maria and her family

On holiday mornings, one of my roles as Uncle Jim living next door to six-year-old  Sam and her 12-year old brother, Paul, is to make homemade cinnamon rolls.   I prepare the dough the day before and Sam comes over to help me.   Once they are done Sam and I each have one roll -  I with coffee and Sam with milk.  She then takes the basket of rolls  to share with her parents and her brother.  I suspect Oscar the dog manages to look appropriately pathetic enough to be given at least one roll.

I am writing this on Thursday morning, Thanksgiving, 2015 in the United States.  On Wednesday while I was baking the pies  and making up dinner roll dough which I will take for my contribution to dinner  with Sam, Paul and their parents today,  I also make up the dough for the cinnamon rolls.   I use the same recipe my grandmother used which is just the basic roll dough which one can let rise in the refrigerator.  It can be found in the old Better Homes and Garden Cookbook. 

I look out the window and see Sam headed over.   There is a slight chill in the air and she has worn her mom’s big sweater which hangs below her knees  while the sleeves double as gloves.

Me:  Good morning Sam.  How are you?

Sam:  Brrrr… I was cold but this sweater makes me as warm as Oscar.

(Oscar is their dog.)

Me:  You do look a little like Oscar this morning.

Sam giggles

Me:  Are you ready to make the rolls Sam?

Sam: Oh, yes, Uncle Jim.

Me:  (I had already set up the pastry sheet and set out the rolling pin).  How about we take your sweater off. I think you will be warm enough since the oven has been on for a little while now.   (I help Sam take the sweater off. Sam then climbs up on the stool she always uses when we cook. Then I tie her special apron on her.)

You want to take the dough out of the bowl Sam?

Sam:  Yes, it is trying to escape the bowl Uncle Jim.

Me:  Yes. You remember that is the yeast which makes it grow so much.

Sam:  What if we put twice as much yeast in it Uncle Jim?  Would it grow this big (spreads her arms wide)?

Me: Perhaps not that big.   Here is the melted butter.   You can add two teaspoons of cinnamon to the butter.  Okay?

Sam: Yes.  What is next Uncle Jim?

Me:  Well I think we need ¼ cup of sugar Sam. Do you remember how many of these it takes to make a cup Sam.

Sam: Uncle Jim! That is easy.  It is ¼ and so it takes four to make a cup.

Me:  Very good Sam.   Now, you can take this little tool we call a whisk and stir the butter and cinnamon together. 

Sam:  (Stirring)  Oops. Some  jumped out of the bowl Uncle Jim!

Me:  That is fine. It is hard to stir in that bowl. Next time we will use  a bowl it cannot jump out of.

Sam: Oh uncle Jim, I know it does not really jump. I am six!

Me:  I know.  You are doing a really good job.   Let that sit for a minutes and we can begin to roll out the dough.

Sam:  I like this part  but it too hard at first.

I take out the dough and make sure to cover both sides with flour which I have already put on the pastry sheet.   I then begin to roll out the dough until it is almost the thickness we need.

Okay Sam, I am tired. You better do the rest of the rolling of the dough.

Sam: Okay Uncle Jim.  Will I get as tired as you when  I am as old as you?

Me:  Probably. That is really good Sam.   Now let’s spread the butter, cinnamon and sugar mixture. Here is a scraper for you to help spread it.

Sam:  It already smells good Uncle Jim.  

Me: That is great. I think we are ready to roll up the dough Sam. You take that end and I will  take this end.  (Together we roll up the dough and I pinch it together.)  That is great.   I am going to cut it into individual rolls with this big knife. You can put each roll into the pan which I have already greased.

Sam fills two pans and then we spread the dish towel I have dampened over the tops and set them on top of the stove which is just a little warm because of having the oven on.

Me: They will have to rise for a little while.

Sam:  (Suddenly looks sad.)  Can I ask you something Uncle Jim?

Me: Of course you can Sam.  What do you want to ask?

Sam: Well, I was talking to my new friend, Maria, who is now living in the house on the corner. You met her Uncle Jim.

Me: Oh yes.  She is really nice.  She and her family are from Mexico.

Sam:  Yes.  Maria said her cousin, Sofia,  who is my age, got arrested trying to come visit she and her family.   How could someone my age get arrested Uncle Jim?

Me:  I was just reading about that Sam.   Apparently there are a lot of very young children who  try to cross the border between here and Mexico.

Sam:  Border?

Me:  Yes.  It is like a line Sam.  Instead of Mexico being a state like New Mexico or Arizona  which are next to Colorado where we live, it is a country.  You and I were born in this country which is called the United States.   We can live here but if we had been born in Mexico or other country, we would need permission to visit and then we could not stay.

Sam: Maria gets to stay right.

Me: Well, as I understand it, her parents currently have permission to work in this country and she can be with them.  Fortunately her parents are making pretty good money and can take care of her.

Sam:  But where are Sofia’s parents? Mom and dad would not let me go to Mexico by myself and get arrested.

Me:  No your parents, like Maria’s parents, have jobs and can afford to buy food and take good care of you. If they needed help grandma, grandpa, mamma, pop pop, Uncle John, and I would help.  We would all help each other.  You and Paul will never have to be out on your own.  Maria’s cousin, Sofia’s  parents, have no money and no food.  Sometimes children die because they have no food.

Sam:  Does that happen in this country.

Me:  Yes, Sam, although we do not keep track of how many people in this country die because they have no food.  If we look at hunger  in the United States, it is thought that 49 million people are “food insecure” and 17.5 million of those are children.  They are said to live in food insecure homes.

Sam: Food insecure?

Me: Yes, that is a confusing term, isn’t it Sam?  That means that they are hungry but not starving. They may have some food but not enough healthy food.

Sam:  We have lots of food Uncle Jim.

Me: Yes, we do. That is why your parents take you and Paul to help out and donate some of your allowance to the soup kitchen.

Sam: I like doing that. The people there are really nice but sometimes they smell Uncle Jim.  Why don’t they take a shower Uncle Jim?

Me: Well, Sam, if you did not have a house at which to live, where would you shower? 

Sam: I could shower at your house Uncle Jim!

Me: Yes, but what if you did not have any family who had houses with water to shower?

Sam: I would hate that. Is that what happened with Sofia Uncle Jim?

Me: Yes, even though her parents love her a lot they cannot take care of her. They were hoping she could find her way to this country and someone would take care  of her. Instead, she got caught and arrested.

Sam: What will happen to her Uncle Jim?

Oh look, the rolls are rising.

Me: Yes, I think we can put them in the oven.  Do you want to set the timer for 25 minutes Sam?

Sam:  Yes, Uncle Jim. Is this right.

Me:  Yes.  Good job Sam.

Sam:  Well, what happens to Sofia Uncle Jim?

Me:  Well, Sam, some of the children are allowed to stay here.  Some are fleeing violence in countries such as Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador as well as Mexico. Most will be sent back.

Sam: But if Sofia goes back her family, they still will not have any food will they?

Me: Probably not Sam. That is very sad isn’t it.

Sam:  Is this why we have Thanksgiving Uncle Jim? Are we thankful that we are not hungry like Sofia’s family and the families of all those who do not  have enough food?

Me:  Yes, but sometimes we say  we are thankful but we act like we deserve to have more food than other people.

Sam:  One of the kids at school said that the dirty Mexicans are not good.

Me: That makes me sad. Do you think that sometimes we think we are better than the kids like Sofia or all those in this country who are hungry?

Sam: Sometimes I don’t feel grateful when we have peas Uncle Jim.

Me:  Yes, all of us like some food better than others and it is easy for us to forget that other people are starving. 

Sam:  Last week when we were helping at the Soup Kitchen, one of the people said they did not like the beans.  Someone said that they were ungrateful.  I told them I did not like some beans either.  Was that wrong of me, Uncle Jim?

Me: No, that was very nice. Sometimes we forget that people who need help are just like us and that we could people the people who need help.

Sam:  I am going to eat all my green beans today Uncle Jim. Mom was making a green bean kasrol?

Me:  Yes, green bean casserole is a popular holiday dish.  Good for you.  We will have  a lot to be grateful for and we will have to talk about how we can help kids and adults like Sofia when we get together later.

Sam:  Uncle Jim.  The cinnamon rolls smell really good.   Is it wrong for us to have cinnamon rolls and a big dinner later.

Me: That is a great question Sam. No, I do not think it is wrong, but I do think we need to remember that it is a special treat and that we do not deserve any more than anyone else.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Sam:  Are they done Uncle Jim?

Me:  They sure look done. Let me take them out of the oven.

Sam: Can we have one now Uncle Jim?

Me. In just  a minute. They are really hot right now.

Sam: We have to frost them Uncle Jim.

Me: Yes, I made up the frosting earlier. It is nice to have it ready to spread when they are hot.   Here I will do it so that you do not get burnt.

I spread the frosting on the rolls.

Sam: Can I have milk Uncle Jim?

Me: You sure can.

I take out two rolls and cover the pan with foil to keep the other warm.

Sam:  (Begins to eat but slows down to blow on hot roll.)  These are yummy Uncle Jim.

Me:  Yes, they are Sam.  I love cooking with you and I love our conversations.

We finished eating and I put rolls in a basket in which I have placed towels so that she can carry the hot rolls to her house.

Me: I will see you later at dinner Sam. Thanks again.

Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.  (Gives me a big hug.)

Me: You are welcome.

From: Jimmy Pickett [mailto:[email protected]] 

Sent: Thursday, November 26, 2015 10:49 AM

To: Becky,Bob and John Michael Palfy Johnen

Subject: blog draft

Six-year old Sam talks about her friend Maria and her family

One of my roles as Uncle Jim living next door to six-year old  Sam and her 12-year old brother, Paul on holiday mornings is to make home made cinnamon rolls.   I prepare the dough the day before and Sam comes over to help me.   Once they are done Sam and I each have one roll -  I with coffee and Sam with milk.  She then takes the basket of rolls  to share with her parents and her brother.  I suspect Oscar the dog manages to look appropriately pathetic enough to be given at least one roll.

I am writing this on Thursday morning, Thanksgiving, 2015 in the United States.  On Wednesday while I was baking the pies  and making up dinner roll dough which I will take for my contribution to dinner  with Sam, Paul and their parents today.  I also make up the dough for the cinnamon rolls.   I use the same recipe my grandmother used is just the basic roll dough which one can let rise in the refrigerator.  It can be found in the old Better Homes and Garden Cookbook. 

I look out the window and see Sam headed over.   There is a slight chill in the air and she has worn her mom’s big sweater which hangs below her knees  while the sleeves double as gloves.

Me:  Good morning Sam.  How are you?

Sam:  Brrrr… I was cold but this sweater make me as warm as Oscar.

(Oscar is their dog.)

Me:  You do look a little like Oscar this morning.

Sam giggles

Me:  Are you ready to make the rolls Sam.

Sam: Oh yes Uncle Jim

Me:  (I had already set up the pastry sheet and set out the rolling pin).  How about we take your sweater off. I think you will be warm enough since the oven has been on for a little while now.   (I help Sam take the sweater off. Sam ten climbs up on the stool she always uses when we cook.. Then I tie her special apron on her.)

You want to take the dough out of the bowl Sam?

Sam:  Yes, it is trying to escape the bowl Uncle Jim.

Me:  Yes. You remember that is the yeast which makes it grow so much.

Sam:  What if we put twice as much yeast in it Uncle Jim. Would it grow this big (spreads her arms wide).

Me: Perhaps not that big.   Here is the melted butter.   You can add two teaspoons of cinnamon to the butter.  Okay?

Sam: Yes.  What is next Uncle Jim?

Me:  Well I think we need ¼ cup of sugar Sam. Do you remember how many of these it takes to make a cup Sam.

Sam: Uncle Jim! That is easy.  It is ¼ and so it takes four to make a cup.

Me:  Very good Sam.   How, you can take this little tool we call a whisk and stir the butter, and cinnamon together. 

Sam:  (Stirring)  Oops. Some  jumped out of the bowl Uncle Jim!

Me:  That is fine . It is hard to stir in that bowl. Next time we will use  a bowl it cannot jump out of.

Sam: Oh uncle Jim, I know it does not really jump. I am six!

Me:  I know.  You are doing a really good job.   Let that sit for a minutes and we can begin to roll out the dough.

Sam:  I like this part  but it too hard at first.

I take out the dough and make sure to cover both sides with flour which I have already put on the pastry sheet.   I then begin to roll out the dough until it is almost the thickness we need.

Okay Sam, I am tired. You better do the rest of the rolling of the dough.

Sam: Okay Uncle Jim.  Will I get as tired as you when  I am as old as you?

Me:  Probably. That is really good Sam.   Now let’s spread the butter, cinnamon and sugar mixture. Here is a scraper for you to help spread it.

Sam:  It already smells good Uncle Jim.  

Me: That is great. I think we are ready to roll up the dough Sam. You take that end and I will  take this end.  (Together we roll up the dough and I pinch it together.)  That is great.   I am going to cut it into individual rolls with this big knife. You can put each roll into the pan which I have already greased.

Sam fills two pans and then we spread the dish towel I have dampened over the tops and set them on top of the stove which is just a little warm because of having the oven on.

Me: They will have to rise for a little while.

Sam:  (Suddenly looks sad.)  Can I ask you something Uncle Jim.

Me: of course you can Sam.  What do you want to ask?

Sam: Well, I was talking to my new friend Maria who is now living in the house on the corner. You met her Uncle Jim.

Me: Oh yes.  She is really nice.  She and her family are from Mexico.

Sam:  Yes.  Maria said her cousin, Sofia,  who is my age got arrested trying to come visit she and her family.   How could someone my age get arrested Uncle Jim.

Me:  I was just reading about that Sam.   Apparently there are a lot of very young children whose  try to cross the border between here and Mexico.

Sam:  Border?

Me:  Yes.  It is like a line Sam.  Instead of Mexico being a state like New Mexico or Arizona  which are next to Colorado where we live, it is a country.  You and I were born in this country which is called the United States.   We can live here but if we had been born in Mexico or other country we would need permission to visit and then we could not stay.

Sam: Maria gets to stay right.

Me: Well as I understand it her parents currently have permission to work in this country and she can be with them.  Fortunately her parents are making pretty good money and can take care of her.

Sam:  But where are Sofia’s parents? Mom and dad would not let me go to Mexico by myself and get arrested.

Me:  No your parents, like Maria’s parents have jobs and can afford to buy food and take good care of you. If they needed help grandma, grandpa, mamma, pop pop, Uncle John and I would help.  We would all help each other.  You and Paul will never have to be out on your own.  Maria’s cousin, Sofia’s  parents have no money and no food.  Sometimes children die because they have no food.

Sam:  Does that happen in this country.

Me:  Yes, Sam although we do not keep track of how many people in this country die because they have no food, if we look look  hunger  in the United States it is thought that 49 million people are “food insecure” and 17.5 million of those are children.  They are said to live in food insecure homes.

Sam: Food insecure?

Me: Yes, that is a confusing term isn’t it Sam.  That means that they are hungry but not starving. They may have some food but not enough healthy food.

Sam:  We have lots of food Uncle Jim.

Me: yes, we do. That is why your parents take you and Paul to help out and donate some of your allowance to the soup kitchen.

Sam: I like doing that. The people there are really nice but sometimes they smell Uncle Jim.  Why don’t they take a shower Uncle Jim

Me: Well, Sam, if you did not have a house at which to live, where would you shower. 

Sam: I could shower at your house Uncle Jim!

Me: yes, but what if you did not have any family who had houses with water to shower?

Sam: I would hate that. Is that what happened with Sofia Uncle Jim?

Me: Yes, even though her parents love her a lot they cannot take care of her. They were hoping she could find her way to this country and someone would take care  of her. Instead she got caught and arrested.

Sam: What will happen to her uncle Jim?

Oh look, the rolls are rising.

Me: Yes I think we can put them in the oven.  Do you want to set the timer for 25 minutes Sam?

Sam:  Yes, Uncle Jim. Is this right.

Me:  Yes.  Good job Sam.

Sam:  Well, what happens to Sofia Uncle Jim?

Me:  Well, Sam, some of the children are allowed to stay here.  Some are fleeing violence in countries such as Guatemaa, Honduras and El Salavdo as well as Mexico. Most will be sent back.

Sam: But if Sofia goes back her family still will not have any food will they?

Me: Probably not Sam. That is very sad isn’t it.

Sam:  Is this why we have Thanksgiving Uncle Jim. Are we thankful that we are not hungry like Sofia’s family and the families of all those who do not  have enough food.

Me:  yes, but sometimes we say  we are thankful but we act like we deserve to have more food than other people.

Sam:  One of the kids at school said that the dirty Mexicans are not good.

Me: That makes me sad. Do you think that sometimes we think we are better than the kids like Sofia or all those in this country who are hungry?

Sam: Sometimes I don’t feel grateful when we have peas Uncle Jim.

Me:  Yes, all of us like some food better than others and it is easy for us to forget that other people are starving. 

Sam:  Last week when we were helping at the Soup Kitchen one of the people said they did not like the beans.  Someone said that they were ungrateful.  I told them I did not like some beans either.  Was that wrong of me, Uncle Jim.

Me: No, that was very nice. Sometimes we forget that people who need help are just like us and that we could people the people who need help.

Sam:  I am going to eat all my green beans today Uncle Jim. Mom was making a green bean kasrol?

Me:  Yes, green bean casserole is a popular holiday dish.  Good for you.  We will have  a lot to be grateful for and we will have to talk about how we can help kids and adults like Sofia when we get together later.

Sam:  Uncle Jim.  The cinnamon rolls smell really good.   Is it wrong for us to have cinnamon rolls and a big dinner later.

Me: That I a great question Sam. No, I do not think it is wrong, but I do think we need to remember that it is a special treat which we do not deserve any more than anyone else

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Sam:  Are they done Uncle Jim.

Me:  They sure look done. Let me take them out of the oven.

Sam: Can we have one now Uncle Jim.

Me. In just  a minute. They are really hot right now.

Sam: We have to frost them Uncle Jim.

Me: Yes, I made up the frosting earlier. It is nice to have it ready to spread when they are hot.   Here I will do it so that you do not get burnt.

I spread the frosting on the rolls.

Sam: Can I have mild Uncle Jim?

Me: You sure can.

I take out two rolls and over the pan with foil to keep the other warm.

Sam:  (Begins to eat but slows down to blow on hot row.)  These are yummy Uncle Jim.

Me:  Yes, they are Sam.  I love cooking with you and I love our conversations

We finished eating and I put rolls in a basket in which I have placed towels so that she can carry the hot rolls to her house.

Me: I will see you later at dinner Sam. Thanks again.

Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim (give me a big hug).

Me: You are welcome.

Written November 26, 2015

Lectio divina
 
Recently I was reading A Religion of One’s Own by Thomas More (a gift of my dear friend Theresa) and in chapter I he introduced the reader to the Latin term lectio divina usually translated as divine reading. If you goggle the term, one may initially  be connected to the links referring to the concept as practiced by those within the Christian framework. The concept and often the same term is used by devotees of every religion.   Frequently it may refer to a way of being with the word of so-called sacred texts, but the concept can also be applied to the practice of being present with words found in  prayer, a poem, or any other source  which uses words.  (paraphrased Thomas More)
 
The latin  for word: verbum (word;proverb); nota(mark, sign, letter, word, writing, spot bran, tattoo-mark; logos (mere words – joke, jest, bon ,mot); dictum (saying, wor, maxim; bon not) (archives.nd.edu)
 
Those coming from a Christian framework or tradition will undoubtedly think of the passage from the gospel of John, 1:
“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”(new international version/translation)
 
The term word is used in different ways in the Bible. In the New Testament, there are two Greek words translated "word": rhema and logos. They have slightly different meanings. Rhema usually means “a spoken word.” For example, in Luke 1:38, when the angel told Mary that she would be the mother of God's Son, Mary replied, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word [rhema].”
 
Logos, however, has a broader, more philosophical meaning. This is the term used in John 1. It usually implies a total message, and is used mostly in reference to God's message to mankind.
…
The Greeks used the word logos to refer to one’s “mind,” “reason,” or “wisdom.” John used this Greek concept to communicate the fact that Jesus, the Second Person of the Trinity, is the self-expression of God to the world. In the Old Testament, the word of God brought the universe into existence (Psalm 33:6) and saved the needy (Psalm 107:20). In chapter 1 of his Gospel, John is appealing to both Jew and Gentile to receive the eternal Christ.
Gotquestion.org
 
In Christianity, Lectio Divina (Latin for "Divine Reading") is a traditional Benedictine practice of scriptural reading, meditation and prayer intended to promote communion with God and to increase the knowledge ofGod's Word
.[1] It does not treat Scripture as texts to be studied, but as the Living Word.[2]
Traditionally, Lectio Divina has four separate steps: read, meditate, pray, contemplate. First a passage of Scripture is read, then its meaning is reflected upon. This is followed by prayer and contemplation on the Word of God.[3]
The focus of Lectio Divina is not a theological analysis of biblical passages but viewing them with Christ as the key to their meaning. For example, given Jesus' statement in John 14:27: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you,"  an analytical approach would focus on the reason for the statement during the Last Supper, the biblical context, etc. In Lectio Divina, however, the practitioner "enters" and shares the peace of Christ rather than "dissecting" it.[4] In some Christian teachings, this form of meditative prayer leads to an increased knowledge of Christ.[5][6]  Wikipedia
 
 
The practice of reading a sacred text over and over, mining it for meaning and clarity, is probably as old as reading itself. We know from the history of Judaism that rabbis and students would comb the Torah meditatively to glean wisdom from the words. Benedict of Nursia (480-550) included such a practice in the monastic Rule he drew up for his monks. You can find books, essays, and all kinds of advice about how to engage in lectio divina. Bottom line is: find a short passage of text (scripture, poem, article, song), read it over slowly several times pausing for silence between readings, and notice what word, phrase, or image seems to capture your imagination.  (patheos.com)
 
Thomas Moore in A Religion of One’s Own, page 25 (paperback) says:  “My lectio divina would be slightly different, read slowly, reflect on the words, let them take you to a deep place. Go into the world with our imagination educated and primed by the images of your meditative reading.”
 
Whether one is reading a sacred text with the belief that the very words are the absolute truth or authority of the God of one’s understanding or whether one is reading a text or listing to the spoken word  to connect with the question which lies behind the word or words, one has to decide what part of oneself  one is going to use to approach this “word made flesh.”   All words can, of course, be energy, thought, hope, beliefs made flesh.  Words comes from within a person.   The goal or purpose of the communication can, of course, vary.  Earlier this morning I was listening to some people at Panera use words to pronounce their truth about the current President of the United States, presidential candidates, and those people who practice a certain religion.  It seemed as if the purpose of  the words was more contained in the tone of authority and disgust than it was to stimulate thought. Certainly, for me, it did not seem to be coming from that deep place within one who yearns to connect with the sacred oneness which is all of us.
 
When Jesus, the Buddha, the prophets of various religions, Mohammed, certain poets such as Rumi, Walt Whitman, Nguyen Chi Thiem, the teachers of the Torah, and the authors of Tao Te Ching use words,  they arise out of a deep, connected space within one.  When one reads
 
“There is
a time to live
and a time to die
but never to reject the moment.”
― Lao Tzu        (goodreads.com)
 
one is drawn deep into the heart of essence of oneself.  It is as if the words allow unseen sound or light rays to enter  and draw out one’s very soul.   I immediately begin to think of all I know of letting go of my judgments, opinions, worry, or any other self-contained reality to feel what it is like to be present  with and to. There is nothing else. The word(s) have brought me to a place of no words  - a place which does not require words. I  do not need to prove my worth or value. I do not need to convince anyone that I know the truth of what is right, just, or moral. The word has, in other words, brought to a place which is beyond words.
 
When I read the words of Thomas More, I am challenged to think outside of my box.  It is not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing with what he says or to become a clone of Mr. Moore. His invitation via the word is to travel with him to all those places which call into question any illusions that my reality is the reality.
 
When my friend who is an Inman of the local Mosque greeted me this morning  at the gym, I was not attending to the meaning of his words but allowing the words to carry the love which he brings to each meeting.
 
When Jesus talks to the disciples, the tax collector, the prostitute, Judas, or the men in the Synagogue, the words are at once an embrace and a feather tickling/disturbing the electrical impulses which are attempting to hold on to their truth.
 
When my friend Julia writes I get the very same invitation and sense of embrace.
 
Lectio divina.    The word divine comes from the latin divinus  which is from divus ‘godlike’ (related to deus ‘god’).
Late Middle English: via Old French from Latin divinus, from divus 'godlike' (related to deus 'god'). (Oxforddictionary.com)
 
Thus, in my mind-limited that it is, when I decide to be intentional about being present  through the words  it is a matter of settling down and listening to the sound/the energy/the love of the God of my understanding. It is an embrace which holds me while I open to a new understanding and acceptance of reality.   
 
Again, John, 1:1-5:  In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.
 
Written November 25, 2015

 
Early this morning I was listening to a podcast of an interview by Krista Tippett  on On Being with the physicist and author, Dr. Lisa Randall.   Prior to listening to that podcast  a friend had forwarded a link to a video about an experience of a teenager in Israel who was technically dead for 15 minutes. When this teenager returned to life he reported being in heaven and given the knowledge about a prophetic revelation of the future.  Still later I was reading the November 24, 2015 St. Petersburg edition of the Tampa Tribune.   On page 10 there was an Associated Press article by Raf Casert entitled “Belgians bring out the cats to baffle terrorists.”   The article reports that “Later Sunday, police asked people to stop commenting on ongoing raids in social medial to avoid tipping off suspects. … The hashtag #BrusselsLockdown suddenly shifted from serious to humorous, tweeting a flood of pictures of all-too-innocent cats in all kinds of situations –holding their paws up as if captured, posing as police snipers with automatic weapons, and ignoring police warnings to stay away from windows….Police joined the party on Monday, posting a picture of a dish over-flowing with dry cat food ‘For the cats that came to our aid last evening.  Serve yourself $BrusselsLockdown’ .”
 
The recurring thought, which kept popping into my mind, was, “On one level, ISIS is irrelevant.”   What they do or do not do long term both matters a lot and, on another level, does not matter at all.  On the one hand, all the killing and torture which has been done in the name of the God of their understanding  by some radical/extremist Muslims who have this acute desire to leave their mark and thus, in their minds, please the God of their understanding/Allah, is horrific.   Any time we humans torture and kill each other, at some level, we are all diminished.  At the same time, as the work of Dr. Randall and other reminds us, the universe of which we are a tiny, tiny part has been in a constant state of flux and change for a very long time. We humans are both the observers and the actors in this drama.  We may or may not be the only observers. 
 
No matter what we individual humans do or do not do. the universe will continue to unfold its story, which we will, as long as we are part of the story, learn to appreciate.  No matter how much we study the nature of this universe, what we experience and what we can and cannot experience but “know” is there, we “know” very little.  On an appearance on the NPR radio show, “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me,” Dr. Randall talks with the host, Peter Segal:
RANDALL: (Laughter) First of all, I'm not creating the universe. I'm creating a model of the universe, which may or may not be true.
SAGAL: Right.
RANDALL: But it is the possibility that in addition to the three dimensions we're familiar with...
SAGAL: Right.
RANDALL: ...Forward-backward, left-right, up-down - maybe there is an additional dimension that we don't experience directly that we call warped.
SAGAL: Right.
RANDALL: And warping has to do with the anti-de Sitter space. And by warping, it means that basically things get rescaled as you go into another dimension...
 
If the reader is interested he/she can read Dr. Randall’s books or download podcasts of her appearance on Wait Wait Don’t Tell me or On Being among others.    My point is that, on the one hand, I do not want to downplay the pain which the actions of radical extremists are causing.   As a friend, father, son, brother, uncle I cannot imagine what folks whose families are dealing with the aftermath of the carnage are experiencing. Neither can I imagine what folks whose families are dealing with leaving their homes, jobs, and possessions for an unknown future, are feeling.   Certainly everyone who has experienced the results of just one of the bombs being dropped in Syria is suffering as much as the victims of the Boston Marathon bombings or the recent bombings in France. 
 
I do not want to downplay or minimize the pain. On the other hand, I appreciate the response of those who tweeted the cats in Brussels.  The alleged masters of the cats who made cameo appearances on Twitter were both helping the law enforcement folks and giving everyone some much needed relief and perspective.   
 
When we think about it, there is a level at which our very active, serious, response to ISIS helps them to retain a level of power, which the Brussels cats for a brief time took from them.  
 
I certainly do not pretend to have any answers, and I do not want to be critical of those responding to any of we humans perpetuating violence.  Still, I am reminded of other situations in which my goal is to not allow myself to be drawn into an irrational conversation or engagement.   If any of my readers has ever attempted to have a “logical” conversation with someone who is drunk or someone who is currently experiencing a delusional experience, one knows that nothing one says or does will make any difference.     Any parent whose young children are having an emotional argument with each other knows that time out – frequently in their room by themselves if possible – is the only “logical” response.  
 
By allowing the cats to poke fun at the terrorists and the entire situation the tension was reduced while the concerns of the law enforcement people and the ridiculousness of the situation was highlighted.  
 
As the perspective of scientists such as Dr. Randall’s will remind us, the actions of a 1000 or 2000 or a million years ago both matters and does not matter.   The actions of we humans now will both matter and not matter in 100,000 years. At that time the planet, which we currently inhabit, may or may not exist.
 
Yet, at another level, the death and return experience of the Jewish teenager is a poignant reminder that what does matter is what the teenager called or reported as holiness which embodies the concepts of redemption and repentance.   Repentance – reviewing our behavior and freely becoming contrite/sorry so that we can commit to different behavior will allow for redemption – buying back  (a connection with our better self, each other and the universe/God(s) of our understanding).
 
The behavior of the Brussels cats neither denied nor elevated the behavior of those challenged (bless them) extremists.    Let’s put the cats in charge!  Of course, the cats have always known they should be in charge. Any cat owner/servant will validate that truth that the ISIS extremists are irrelevant.
 
Written November 24, 2015

 
It may be time for me to think about the purpose of the blog. Is it just to give me a sense of purpose? Is it to help me explore whether I want to pursue writing as a vocation at this point in my life journey?  
 
It certainly does give me a focus and a place to organize as well as share my thoughts.   In many respects the process of writing and sharing a blog is similar to the process of letter writing which I have spent a lot of time doing since I first left the home of my family of origin.   Of course, at that time,  there was no email or texting.  Long distance phone calls usually indicated a family emergency although there was that occasional check in call to my parents. Mostly, however, I relied on letters to keep in touch, to sort through and share thoughts and feelings, and to invite others to share their thoughts and feelings Letters have also been an invitation to challenge my opinions and thoughts.
 
Initially I corresponded mainly with my mother, my paternal grandmother, and my Aunt Pleasie.  Even though many of the most treasured books of letters are those of famous men, for the most part, it is the women in the family who are charged with or take on the responsibility for nurturing relationships in person or via letters or other forms of communication.  I did get one letter from my father which, as I recall, was  to reassure me that it was okay that I had decided not to  finish my education at the U.S. Naval Academy.  I recall putting that letter in a safe place but during one of my many moves,  I lost the letter.  It may have remained in Oregon where I stored a couple of boxes of personal possessions temporarily.  Sadly, shortly after storing the boxes those friends decided to end our friendship. This followed my sharing that I thought I was gay.  I never heard from them after that. 
 
As I moved around the country, the number of people with whom I corresponded via letter or brief notes expanded.  Soon there were large boxes of letters I received from others including my son.   I have since disposed of most of those letters since there was little chance that they would be of interest to anyone else.  These included 15 or more years of weekly two and three page letters from my friend Jim in  Denver.  When he died a few years ago, a mutual friend, Bill, offered me the binders which contained copies of his letters as well as mine to him.  I declined fearing that they would just add to the burden of “stuff” which my son would have to sort through upon my demise.
 
At some point I started using the typewriter and later the computer to type my letters.   For many years after it first became an option, I did not use email because most people I knew did not have access to email.  Also, my internet access was for several years restricted to dial up phone access which was very slow.  I had made a bargain with myself that I could have high speed internet access when I let go of my addiction to cigarettes.
 
Now almost all my letters are typed on the computer. Some, such as the weekly correspondence with friends in Australia, are email letters.  Some, such as my weekly letter to my mother or regular correspondence with folks in prison continue  to be sent my snail mail. In fact, I continue to marvel at the relatively lost cost of “hiring” a runner to quickly deliver my mail to someone thousands of miles away for a relatively tiny amount of money.  I do hand write birthday cards and other notes with my favorite, old fashion fountain pen.   My hand writing which was never elegant has now deteriorated to the point that friends complain that even short notes can be barely readable.   Actually, short reminder notes to myself are sometimes not readable  by me.  I vow to practice my penmanship, but alas I have been remiss in honoring this vow. Perhaps today I will practice.
 
I daily have email correspondence with my friend, Becky, and share very brief email or text notes with a number of other people. I also use email and texting to communicate with clients despite my initial concern about privacy.  I invite clients to decide if they want to risk someone hacking into the email. Most decide the ease of this method of communication outweighs their concerns about privacy. 
 
I write because I seem to lack the ability to cogently sort out my thoughts  without sharing with someone else. Even sharing orally does not seem to bring me the clarity or the lack thereof as is often the case!
George Orwell is reputed to have said, “If people cannot write well, they cannot think well, and if they cannot think well, others will do their thinking for them.”   I am not entirely sure that this is true for all people. There do seem to be those who think well in the midst of a debate or in general conversations.  I am not one of those. Even when having a discussion, sitting in a classroom, listening to a talk, or reading, I am making notes to clarify or perhaps direct the firing of my synapses.
 
Of course, I am well aware that there are many who are convinced that something is drastically wrong with my brain – that it is constitutionally unable to have a cogent thought particularly when it attempts to articulate a defense of the pacifist position, when arguing  for  more equal distributions of the resources which mother earth so graciously shares with us, or when visiting such situations as the extremists  in this country and others who think that violence is the answer to violence.  Those who are thus convinced would argue that my thoughts on paper are no more cogent or representative of a working brain than if I just allowed the words to flow or rather drool out of my mouth.
 
Perhaps the best reason for writing is one is not sure if one exists if one does not write.    Flannery O’Connor perhaps says it best, “I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.”
 
For that reason and others, I shall keep writing and, for today, as long as I am going to write, I might as well share via the blog.
 
Written  November 23, 2015

 
I am writing on Sunday. It is nearly noon.   Around 5:00 a.m. this morning I woke and downloaded this week’s On Being episode.  Krista Tippette, the host, interviewed the artist who called herself a maker, Ann Hamilton.  Wikipedia tells us about Mrs. Hamilton.
 
Ann Hamilton (born June 22, 1956 in Lima, Ohio) is a visual artist known for large-scale multi-media installations, as well as her work in video, sculpture, photography, textile art, and printmaking.  Wikipedia
 
Although I can easily be awed in an almost worshipful way by some of the creations of Mrs. Hamilton, such as the enormous pieces of fabric under which are many wooden swings or the sculptures she makes from books or the pages of a book, I am most humbled when she says that perhaps the most important question is “How can we be together?”  As in the quoted conversations below, whether she is talking about her experience with her grandmother or the courage to be present as the project (art piece) determines its own form and essence, she invites us to explore ways of being present with our own body as it welcome or rejects it second skin, clothing, and with each other.
 
MS. HAMILTON (on her experience with her grandmother): I was very close with my grandmother. And you know, I have really distinct bodily memories of sitting next to her on the couch. You know, when you’re little and you kind of get in that space under her arm and her arms were full. And, we would knit, or needlepoint, and she would read. And I think there’s something about the rhythm of the hands being busy and then your body falls open to absorb and concentrate on what you’re listening to, but not completely, because you have two concentrations. And then from that, that sort of cultivates a kind of attention. That is the rhythm of those two things together. So the unfolding of the voice in space, and then the material accreting under your hand, and they have really different satisfactions. You know, you can see the material, and...
MS. HAMILTON (on the courage to be present as the project (art piece) determines its own form and essence : That, when you’re making something, you don’t know what it is for a really long time. So, you have to kind of cultivate the space around you, where you can trust the thing that you can’t name. And, if you feel a little bit insecure, or somebody questions you, or you need to know what it is, then what happens is you give that thing that you’re trying to listen to away, and so how do you kind of cultivate a space that allows you to dwell in that — not knowing, really. That is actually really smart. And can become really articulate. But, you know, like the thread has to come out, and it comes out at its own pace.
She excludes a courage, which we would do well to aspire to; the courage to allow her life, her love, her knitting, or a large installation piece to become what it must.
 
It seems to me that whether we are an artist, an architect, a writer, a composer, a dancer, or an inventor, the challenge is to get out of the way and allow, as she says, the process to unfold.
 
It seems that many of we humans have a strong need or desire to hold tight to the illusion of control.  Yet, we know, that as is true for every person who uses the 12- step program to reclaim their life, that we must constantly engage with the process of step 1 of the 12 steps.  To wit:
We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
 
Anyone who continues to work on recovery/spiritual growth will begin to come to the realization that step 1 has to be applied to all of life.  We are powerless over our partner, our children, the internet company, the power company, what our car decides to do, etc.   Despite our clear resolve to hold on to the illusion that we are in control of something, we are constantly reminded that we in fact powerless - except our willingness to be open to the unknown – to that which we cannot control
 
As with Mrs. Hamilton, we are constantly laying the groundwork  - gathering the materials, preparing the space – for the birth of this new creation which will determine its own path.  Those of us who are parents of children now grown are very familiar with this process even if we have not quite mastered the art of acceptance of having no control.
 
So it is that the hand must be free to reach out, to touch, to love, to embrace, to sit beside, to, in the words of Mrs. Hamilton, “ I think one of the questions that are [sic] behind a lot of the things I’m working on is where is it that we can gather and kind of be alone together?”
 
I am often reminded of the phase “reading separate books together.” I am not sure who first coined this phrase but it seems to have reserved a space in my memory bank when I was a very young child. Perhaps that is accurate. Perhaps it is not.  I know that there is a comfort for me in being with someone who enjoyed reading as much as I do and is content with an occasional touching with a hand, voice, eyes, or the smile on one’s lips.   I guess I am saying that I treasure the opportunity of being with someone without the need  to deny our common essence while, at the same time, not meshing into the other person. I do not want to become Mrs. Hamilton. I would love to spend time with her and to delight in the unfolding of a potential friendship or perhaps just a loving co-existence – reading separate books together.
 
Suddenly the work of the choreographer George Balanchine comes to mine.   What I also remember most about his marvelous creations are the hands of the dancers, which seem to take on an existence almost separate from the body. In fact, occasionally, I have seen a production in which the lighting is such that all you see are the hands doing this expansive, graceful reaching out, pulling in, connecting and disconnecting.
 
The trick is, of course, to now take this dance from the stage to the borders between countries or communities or groups in the same country – to reach across that vast abyss where each inch is a mile – to allow our hands to do what they do best – to reach, to caress, to greet, to let go, to love.
 
This we can do.
 
Written November 22, 2015  #2

Who am I today?
 
If one goggles the phrase “the myth of me,” one gets a plethora of hits including connections to books, blogs, and the history of the concept of self or ego.
 
It seems that from the time  we are first conscious, we begin to develop a sense of self.  Although psychologists and others who study the developmental history of we humans disagree about ages of the stages of development of a self,  most  would agree that somewhere between ages 3 and 5, if otherwise on track developmentally, a child will begin to have a sense of self.  According to the developmental descriptions found below, by age 5 and 6 a child will begin to move from the we stage to the us stage.   I can certainly see this happening with my six-year-old friend, Sam, who frequently makes an appearance on these pages. 
 
Scholastic.com
 
Stage by Stage 0 - 2
•   Babies need loving and consistent relationships to develop a positive sense of self.
•   Tuning in to babies' preferences helps them develop a sense of self that is compatible with their innate characteristics.
•   Gentle but firm limits help toddlers feel secure. 
Two-year-olds' emerging language propels their sense of self. "Me do" becomes their mantra.
Stage by Stage 3 - 4
•   Threes and fours have the ability to see themselves as separate and unique individuals.
•   The self-images of young children tend to be descriptive, rather than judgmental. 
•   Increasingly independent, preschoolers are intrigued by the new things they can do.
Stage by Stage 5 - 6
•   Fives and sixes are transitioning from the "me" stage to the "us" stage, becoming aware of the needs and interests of the group.
•   Partners are now able to use words to communicate their needs and feelings.
 
 
I think that the sense of us is greatly influenced by the sense of self. Who is the self? Is it, as some maintain, the ego?  In an article dated January 12, 2014 at the sanskritimagagine.comweb site there is a quote from the Essays on the Bhaguavadgita.   It says, “The ego is the sum total of experiences, perceptions, memories, and relationships gathered by each being in the course of its existence upon earth. It is an illusion created by their aggregation. It does not actually exist except as a notion in the consciousness of each being. You will not find the ego in its parts but only in the association of things and experiences.  The ego thus survives by attachments and relationships. You remove them from the equation and your ego disappears instantly.”
 
The American Psychological Association defines ego as the aspect of personality involved in self-preservation activities and in directing instinctual drives and urges into appropriate channels.(apa.org)
 
I have a problem with the use of the term appropriate in this definition because it is such a value-laden word. Appropriate is determined by so many factors such as family, community, customs, laws, and religious beliefs.
 
From the time we were infants, we began to explore and to be taught  about the world of people and things and all that which make up those people, things, and places. To that infant the senses of touch, taste, sound, and sight are very important.  These senses are our initial guide as to what feels good, bad, or  uncomfortable.  As we begin to associate  tones,  the facial/bodily expressions and certain words of those who are observing and/or interacting with us, we begin to form perceptions and views of our relationship with people, places, and things. This eventually became the reality to which we become attached.  Slowly, during the process we first develop a sense of I and then a sense of us or we. If the theories of  the famous psychologist Maslow are to believed, the lower we are on the rung of survival the less we are able to think in terms of we.  He would say that we have a basic survival need/instinct which demands that we set aside all other considerations for other people, places and things until those basic needs are met.  Some would argue that one of those basic needs is a sense of being valued which is often met by becoming a valued member of a community.   Families, religious groups, political groups, health care groups such as NA, AA, OA, or even groups of individuals who see themselves as victims can provide that basic need of being valued. There may be certain beliefs or behavioral patterns to which one must ascribe if one wants to be welcomed into such a group. Sometimes one has a lot of options about what group into which one wants to seek acceptance.  Sometimes there are very few options. For many of the young men and women who join gangs in large cities such as Los Angeles or Baltimore, who align themselves with a group in prison, or who join a terrorist cell or group, it may seem as if they have very few options. The further development of their ego  may be very shaped by the overt and convert “rules,” beliefs, or traditions of the group.
 
All of us who say we want to grow or develop emotionally and even morally have to be willing to accept the fact that the ego has no basis in reality. Still, a sense of self and the corresponding us is essential.
 
If we want to sincerely understand the gang member, the street person just getting out of jail, or the so-called terrorist, we must invite them into an us which celebrates the essence of who they are beneath the ego.  In other words, we must offer a different ego. Instead, what we seem to do is to reject and vilify their current ego without offering anything in return.
 
Any of us who have made a sincere effort to honestly let go of our ego which may be based in a perceived need to be more than or better than know that this can be a frightening process. Initially it may seem as if we sink into an isolation which validates our worst fear of being completely disconnected and alone.  My experience is that it is only when we “see” the welcoming hand of our spiritual teacher or the meditation group or have some sense of being cradled that we can take this “leap of faith.”   Why it is that we would think that this is different for those we have labeled as the enemy, the terrorist, the gang member, the criminal, the least of these?  What makes it so difficult for us to accept that it is kindness and not more rejection and terror which will bring about change.  But, you the reader says, “These are people who have no hesitation to behead, to shoot, or to stab. They are not going to respond to kindness. When I go up to embrace them they will shoot me.”  Yes, it will take a lot to convince someone we have vilified to trust that we can and will love them; that we want them to join our family, to share our table, to share in the transformation of our ego.  Ah, that is the rub, isn’t it?  If we are to sincerely invite “the other” to a different relationship with all that we encounter, we must also be willing to take a similar risk.   The ego is, after all, about our relationship with people, places, and things often including our sense of higher power and a sacred purpose.  In order to prove our sincerity we must open to a  shared experience. As long as we use language which divides and separates nothing will change.  Father Boyle, working with the gang members in Los Angeles does not approach gang members  from a throne of self-righteousness.  He joins them where they are.  He also invites them to a shared community which involves a job in Homeboy industries – a place where they have work which makes sense to them.   This morning while driving to the gas station after leaving the gym, I briefly heard a Swedish man talking about the fact that Sweden welcomes a lot of refugees.  He was saying that a part of that welcome must and does include jobs which helps to give them a sense of purpose and belonging.
 
I would be remiss if I did not mention that I think that it is important to not confuse personality with ego.  The definition of personality offered by the American Psychological Association is:
 
“Personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. The study of personality focuses on two broad areas: One is understanding individual differences in particular personality characteristics, such as sociability or irritability. The other is understanding how the various parts of a person come together as a whole.” (apa.org)
 
When I think of personality, I think of the basic choreography of the dance which each of us seems to bring to this life journey.    If one has spent much time around babies, one will notice that from the moment of birth a baby seems to have a very distinctive life dance.  Some babies seem to approach life with a joyful and trusting passion. Other seem to be fearful and often find  the journey painful.  No matter how much one nurtures and comforts the fearful one, it does not seem to be enough. I am not suggesting that this pattern cannot be altered, but I am suggesting that often the choreography of the dance seems to change little.   It may be that some manage to explore a different dance but when some trauma  visits, the old fearful dance could resurface unless one is very conscientiousness about practicing a different dance.   For the person whose dance is passionately joyful, trauma will only momentarily dampen it.
 
It may be that those who are more likely to be drawn into the community of the terrorist, the city gang, or the street life are those who personality tends to lack this built-in hopeful, joyful  dance.  If this is the case then it may be more difficult to convince them to explore a different us, but I am not convinced that it is impossible. Again, if we  study the broad work of people such as Father Boyle we find that some  see the welcoming hand and are eager to grab onto it. Some resist for a long time. Some explore it and then run back to their old gang. Sometimes they return before they die. Sometimes they do not.
 
Parker Palmer, in an article shared on the National Public Radio web page, quotes a poem Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye, 1952:
 
Kindness
Naomi Shihab Nye, 1952
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.
 
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.
 
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
(poets.org)
 
Written November 22, 2015

Six-year old Sam explores the words wer and wif
 
Yesterday,  Sam’s brother and I spent time together.  Because Paul is 12  he does not often come over to ask for help with homework.  He  had quite a difficult homework assignment yesterday and spent  a good part of the morning at my house. I was not that surprised to see six-year-old Sam coming over this morning.
 
Sam: Hi Uncle Jim. Can we have waffles this morning?
 
Me: Sure we can. In fact I thought you might be coming over and have everything ready for us to make them. Do you want to help?
 
Sam; Yes, Uncle Jim.
 
Sam and I get her stool. I have all the ingredients, the waffle iron, and the kitchen tools we will need.  I put her special apron on her and then we get started. She started by breaking the egg into the bowl. She has gotten quite good at that. As her helper, I take the proffered egg shell.
 
Sam: Uncle Jim, do you like Paul better than me?
 
Me: No, you are both very special to me. I love you both.
 
Sam: You spent a lot of time with Paul yesterday.
 
Me: Yes, when you get to be 12 it will take longer for your homework also.
Do you want me to pour in the flour and other ingredients now Sam?
 
Sam:  Yes, Uncle Jim. Thank you.
 
Me: You are welcome.    You are doing a really good job.
 
Sam:  Will you see if it is stirred up enough Uncle Jim?
 
Me: I take the wooden spoon and begin to vigorously stir the batter which we have mixed in a large pyrex measuring cup.  There. I think it is ready now. Shall I pour the first waffle?
 
Sam: Yes, please. It is too heavy for me.
 
Me: I pour the batter and close the lid.
How was school yesterday Sam?
 
Sam: Okay, but I have homework Uncle Jim.
 
Me: Really? What is your homework?
 
Sam: Well, yesterday Tommy said that girls were  called woman because they are just a part of man – that God made girls out of the first boy.  I got mad.  The teacher told all of us to ask our parents and other relatives  so we could talk about it on Monday.
 
Me: That is interesting homework.   It happens that just the other day I  was “curious” about this question.  Do you remember what the word curious means Sam?
 
Sam; It means I want to know something like what you are going to get me for Christmas.
 
Me: Good job Sam. That is exactly what it means. I am not, however, going to talk about your Christmas present.
 
Sam: Sighs.   Okay (sigh).
 
Me: Now to get back to your question.   A long time ago the word man did not mean that that someone was a boy or girl. It just meant that they were a person.  You know the word person, Sam?
 
Sam:  Yes. We are both persons. Even Paul is a person!
 
Me?  Yes. You, I, Paul, your mom, dad, and your grandparents are all persons.
 
Sam: (smiling) Oscar (the dog) is not a person.

Me. No.  Oscar is a dog but very special!
 
Sam: So how did you know if a person was a male or a female.
 
Me: Well, a male/boy person was called a wer and a female person was called a wif!      It was not until a 1000 years ago that a male person was called a man and it was not until about a 100 years ago that the word was used mostly to refer to male persons.  We still use the word wer. You have heard the word. You remember at Halloween we were reading a story about werewolfs. Werewolf means man wolf. Isn’t that interesting Sam?  (I had looked at an internet site:  todayIfoundout.com)
 
Oh look. The steam has stopped.  The waffles must be done.
 
Sam: Oh good. They smell yummy.
 
Me: Yes they do.  Do you want blueberries on yours?
 
Sam: Yes, please.
 
Me:  How about we spell out wif  man on your waffle and wer man on mine – female person and male person or girl person and boy person.
 
Sam: What happens if I eat your male person waffle?  (she giggles).
 
Me: I have a lot of blueberries. I will just have to put more on mine!!
Do you want syrup Sam?
 
Sam: And whipped cream?
 
Me: Yes and whipped cream.  (I pour on the syrup and shake the whipped cream can before putting a generous helping on her waffle.  I also pour her a glass of milk.)
 
Sam:  These are really good. Should we cook another.
 
Me: Yes Sam. I will pour the batter on now.
 
Sam: Where did the word man come from Uncle Jim?  Do all words come from somewhere?
 
Me:  Well words have to be born just like people and just like people they change over time. You know at your house there are photographs on the hallway wall of you, Paul, both of your parents, both of their parents, and then photographs of the parents of their parents?   They all look different.
 
Sam: Yes, I forget which one it is, but one of them look like this. (Sam makes a very stern face.)
 
Me: Yes, they are a little scary.
 
Sam: They sure are.
 
Me: So the word man had to be born.  When it was born it meant to think.  You know that statue in my study of the person holding its head in his hand.  It is called the Thinker. This statue happens to be of a male but if it was a female thinking it would still be called a man meaning a  person thinking.  
 
Sam: Sometimes when I think my brain hurts!
 
Me: Yes, it feels that way sometime.
 
So, we have been talking about our English language. Sometimes in other languages certain words are born different.  For example in Japanese …
 
Sam: Words in Japanses have long eyes?
 
Me: (hiding a smile). Not exactly “Man and woman in both Japanese and Chinese language - Otoko (男) and Onnna (女) in Japanese, Nan (男) and Njui (女) in Chinese” are very different words and have different pictures or “characters.”  (English.stackexchange.com)
In this case, characters does not refer to how we behave but to how we draw the word.  Perhaps we can draw these words later.  Maybe we could use M & M’s to draw them!
 
Sam: Oh, let’s do.
 
Me:  Okay, but since we had a lot of sweets for breakfast we will not be able to eat the words until another day!
 
Sam: I like eating the words.
 
Me:  Yes, that is fun.
 
Sam: I am still not sure of what the answer to the teacher’s question is.
 
Me: Well, I think that there are two questions.  Tommy is saying and many people believe that God made girls out of a part of boys.
 
Sam: Yuk!
 
Me: At any rate, that is a  religious belief and many people have different beliefs. You remember that a belief can be different for each of us but not something which we can show another person.  
 
Sam: Does that mean Tommy is right?
 
Me: No but it means that is what Tommy believes and that is okay.
 
Sam: What is the second question Uncle Jim.
 
Me: The second question is whether girls are less important than boys. They are not. You and your mom are just as important as Paul and your dad and they are just as important as you and your mom. Girls are just as smart and just as able to do things as boys are.  Boys cannot tell girls what to do and girls cannot tell boys what to do. We have to learn to work together. You know at your house, you are not allowed to boss Paul and Paul is not allow to boss you just as mom and dad do not boss each other.
 
Sam: Paul tries to boss me.
 
Me: And sometimes I have heard you try to boss Paul.
 
Sam: Well..
 
The words are confusing Uncle Jim.  Could new words be born?
 
Me: Yes, they are confusing because of how they have changed just like we people change.  Some people do try using different words. For example, some people say mail person instead of mailman or sales person instead of salesman. 
 
Sam: Do you think we should do that?
 
Me:  Well, sometimes I think it is important to make sure that we know that a girl or boy can be anything that they want or that they are physically and mentally capable of being.  Because words change it may be important to use words which makes boys and girls both feel included.
What do you think Sam?
 
Sam: Yes, I want to be included and I am not a man or a boy.
 
Me: I and your parents keep reminding you and Paul that you can both do any job or profession you want. There are not boy jobs and girls jobs. Well there are a few.  Only girls can be mothers and only boys can be fathers.
 
Sam: You are silly Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  I know.   Shall we clean up now?
 
Sam: Okay, I guess.
 
Written November 20, 2015  #2

Uncle Jim and 12-year old Paul do homework
 
Although, at the elder age of 12, my adopted nephew, Paul, does not come over as often as his six-year-old sister for homework help, occasionally he does ask for help.   Paul called after school on Friday and wanted to know if he could come over Saturday morning.  We decided that he would come over  at 9:00 on Saturday although he originally had suggested Sunday.  My experience is if we wait until Sunday, pretty soon the commitment has moved from 9:00 a.m. to Sunday evening at 7:00 which ends up by 8:30.   So here comes Paul shuffling across from the house next door.
 
Me:  Good morning, Paul.  You look like you are still sleeping.
 
Paul: It is too early Uncle Jim.
 
Me:  I know.  It is really tough to get up this early on Saturday.  I got you bagels and cream cheese.
 
Paul:  Thanks Uncle Jim.  Can I have juice?
 
Me: I just squeezed the oranges and poured you a large glass.
 
Paul:  Thanks.
 
Me:  What is this homework assignment Paul?
 
Paul:  This is for history. We are supposed to find an article in the newspaper about ISIS and write a report.
 
Me: Oh my!  That sounds like an important topic Paul. How shall we find the article?
 
Paul: There was an article in the Friday newspaper. I have it here.  Want to see it?
 
Me: Yes. Hand it to me please.
 
Paul: Here Uncle Jim.  It is the one at the top of the page.
 
Me: (Paul has handed me the St. Petersburg edition of the Tampa Tribune for November 20, 2015 turned to page 4 of the first section.  The large print headline is:  Officials:  IS working on chemical weapons. The article is entitled U.S., Iraqi spies fear attacks in major cities  and was written by  Hamza, Hendawi, Qassim Abdul-Zahra and Ken Dilanian (Associated Press).   I read the article. It is basically discussing the possibility that members of “The Islamic State group is aggressively pursuing development of chemical weapons . ..”  There is some disagreement about whether or not they have the capability “to develop sophisticated weapons like nerve gas… . The authors of the article assert that so far, the group has used mustard gas on the battlefield in Iraq and Syria.”)
Well, Paul, how long do you have for your report?  
 
Paul:  Ten minutes Uncle Jim. 
 
Me: Great.  What made you choose this particular article Paul?
 
Paul:  Well, in science we have been talking about all the chemicals. Some are good and some can hurt people and plants.  I am a little confused about what chemical weapons are.
 
Me:   Well, let’s see Paul.   What do you think of when you hear the word weapon?
 
Paul:  Well, my Uncle John was talking about cleaning guns and getting ready to hunt deer.  Guns are weapons right.
 
Me:  Yes they are. How else do we hurt each other?
 
Paul:  Well, sometimes the bullies in school hit other kids.  Can fists be weapons Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Yes, they certainly can.  What else?
 
Paul:  Well, knifes  and, oh yes, the other night we were watching a movie and someone poisoned  the person they worked for.  Poison would be a weapon right Uncle Jim?
 
Me:  Yes it would.   So, we have established that weapons are things such as fists, guns, knives or other ways of hurting each other. Poison also hurts people.
 
Paul:  Or dogs. Remember when someone poisoned our neighbor’s dog and they were so sad?
 
Me:  Yes. So someone used a chemical weapon in our neighborhood.  What other chemical weapons are there?
 
Paul:  The article says something about mustard gas.  We eat mustard and it is not a gas.  What is mustard gas Uncle Jim?
 
Me:  Let’s google it.   You type it in.
 
Paul types in mustard gas on  the search engine which on the Mac is Safari.
 
Me: Wow! We got lots of hits. Suppose we try this one Paul on Wikipedia first Paul.  Okay?
 
Paul:  Okay.
 
Me: What does it say Paul?
 
Paul:  Sulfur mustard, Chemical Compound  Mustard agent, or sulfphur mustard, commonly , but e ron..
 
What is this word uncle Jim?
 
Me: Erroneously; means falsely or in accurately. 
 
Paul: They could have said that.
 
Me:  I agree. Keep reading.
 
Paul:  Erroneously known as mustard gas, is a class of related cytotoxic….  What is this word Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Let’s  break it down. We know what toxic is right Paul?
 
Paul:  Makes you sick?
 
Me:  Yes or something that does not mix well with something else and  can sometimes kills someone or something.   How about cyto Paul.
 
Paul:  Here it is.  It means cell. We have cells in our body. Plants have cells too? 
 
Me: Yes. Very good Paul.  So cytotoxic means something that hurts the cells in our body?
 
Paul: I think so Uncle Jim.  Darn! What is the next word – ves I cant?
 
Me:  Well, let’s look it up. This is a lot of work isn’t it? It is kinda like a treasure hunt.
 
Paul:  Ves I cant.  Here it is.  “Tending to cause blistering.”
“Vesicant chemical warfare agents with the ability to form large blisters on the exposed skin and in the lungs.”   Uncle Jim it says it all without the words we looked up.
 
Me:  Yes, it does Paul.  Sometimes we adults make simple things complicated don’t we?
 
Paul:  (sighing)  Yes!
 
Uncle Jim is tear gas a chemical weapon?
 
Me:  Does it hurt people?
 
Paul:  Well, I read that it burns and make it hard to breathe. The police use it right Uncle Jim?  So it is a chemical weapon?
 
Me:  Actually it is classified as a chemical weapon and cannot be used in war but can be used by police in non-war situations.
 
Paul:  That is confusing.
 
Me: Yes, it is Paul.
 
Paul: So we know  that chemicals can be weapons  and if used in war they are not allowed.
 
Me: Very good Paul.   
 
Paul:  So do we ever use chemical weapons Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Well Paul, let’s goggle chemical weapons status by country.
 
Paul:  (types in “chemical weapons by country”)
 
Uncle Jim there are a lot of countries listed.
 
Uncle Jim:  Yes there are. What does it say about the United States?  Do he have chemical weapons?
 
Paul:  it says:
 
(Armscontrol.org gives current information as current as publicly possible on the status of chemical weapons programs, stockpiles and destruction by country.  It gives the following information about chemical weapons in the United States:
·      State declarations:  Unilaterally gave up it biological weapons program in 1969. The destruction of all offensive BW agent occurred between 1971 and 1972.  Currently conducting research as part of his biodefense program. Allegations: According to a compliance report published by the Russian government in August in 2010 the U.S. is undertaking research on Smallpox which is prohibited by the World health Organizations.  The U. S. is also accused of undertaking BW research in order to improve defenses against bio-terror attacks which is “especially questionable from the standpoint of Article I of the BTWC.”
·      State declarations: Declared a large chemical arsenal of 27,771 metric tons to the OPCW and the CWC came into force in 1997. Along with Russia, the United States received an extension when it was unable to complete destruction of its chemical stockpiles by 2012.  As of August 2013, the United States has destroyed nearly 25,000 metric tons of chemical agents. The United States believes that destruction that destruction will be completed by 2023.)
 
What does unilaterally mean Uncle Jim?
 
Me: Here, I will help look it up.  It means something is done without the agreement  of everyone involved.  So, if you decide you no longer want to go to school without talking to your parents or the law, you would have made a unilateral decision. You would be in a lot of trouble.  If Uncle Jim decided to keep chickens in the front yard without talking to the neighbors, I would be making a decision all by myself without  thinking about how it would affect all the neighbors.
 
Paul: Thanks. So it seems to say that we have a lot of chemical weapons and will not finish destroying them until 2023. I will be 20 then.   Then it says, “Currently conducting research as part of his biodefense program.”  Does this mean we are still  developing chemical weapons?
 
Me:  It sure seems to leave open that possibility.  Sometime it might be interesting for you to write letters to your senator and representative and ask this question, but for now, we have to assume that.
 
Paul:  So it seems as if the article is saying that a lot of people are worried about IS making chemical weapons  but are not worried that we still have them and may be figuring out how to make more.  It also sounds as if we can use things like tear gas as long as we do not call it war.
 
Me: That is wonderful Paul. Perhaps when giving your report you could just list some questions that the class might  think about and possibly discuss.   Let’s review the questions:
 
1.   Is the IS group going to make chemical weapons?
2.   Do we have to stop them?
3.   Has the United states ever had chemical weapons? 
4.   Have we ever used them?
5.   Do we use tear gas as a chemical weapon?
6.   Are some chemical weapons okay?
7.   Why is it okay for some people to develop chemical weapons and others not?
8.   Why is it taking so long for the United States to get rid of its chemical weapons?
 
So, shall we go over what you want to say?
 
Paul:  We have talked about a lot Uncle Jim and I only  have ten minutes.
 
Me: I have an idea.  Let’s use the yellow highlighter to mark the parts of  the article you want to read to the class and then we can type out the questions which the article raised.  How does that sound Paul?
 
Paul:  Okay. Will you help?
 
Me:  Yes.  First, how about we make copies of the article so that we can change our mind about what parts you want to read in class. Then we can try highlighting the parts. You can read them out loud and I will time you.  How is that?
 
Paul:  Okay.  Maybe we can leave out some of the big words.
 
Me: We could do that.  We could paraphrase what the article is saying.  Do you know that word Paul?
 
Paul: No.
 
Me:  We take what someone else says and reword it so that it summarizes  in a simple way what is being said.  We  have to be careful not to change the meaning.  For example, the first paragraph now says:
 
“The Islamic State group is aggressively pursuing development of chemical weapons, setting up a branch dedicated to research and experiment with the help of scientists from Iraq, Syria, and elsewhere in the region, according to Iraqi and U. S. Intelligence officials.”
 
We could say:
 
Iraqi and U.S. spies are fearful that the IS group is exploring,  developing, and making chemical weapons.
 
Is that clearer and accurate?  Let’s check it against the original statement.
 
Paul: That is much easier.  We have learned a lot today Uncle Jim.  Shall we make copies and then  prepare the report.   First, can I have a snack and a glass of milk Uncle Jim?
 
Me:  Good idea.  Let’s do have a snack Paul. You have done such a terrific job.   It will not take us long to finish and to practice. Thanks for letting me help. I am learning to.
 
Paul: You are welcome.
 
Written November 20, 2015

Newsflash  - Love is not always moral
 
In the November 18, 2015 St. Petersburg edition of the Tampa Tribune, on page 10 of the first section was an associated press article by Rachel Zoll entitled “U. S. Catholic bishops want voters to oppose gay marriage.”
 
The bishops meeting in Baltimore “issued an election-year guide stressing a moral imperative to evaluate candidates according to their position on marriage and abortion.”  The decision Tuesday followed a brief debate at their national assembly over whether the document reflected the priorities of Pope Francis.
The guide called Faithful Citizenship  “…addresses a broad range of issues in Catholic social teaching including protecting immigrants and the environment, fighting racism, and poverty, and opposing the death penalty.  However, the bishops said they consider opposition to gay marriage and abortion rights paramount in this presidential election season and beyond.”
The document was approved overwhelmingly by a vote of 210-21 with five abstentions.   Archbishop Leonard Blaire is quoted as saying, “Francis wants bishops to promote the ‘totality of issues of catholic thinking’ … holding up with is right and true and just.”
 
Oh my. Is this really the same week as the bombings in Paris, the daily bombing by allied planes in several countries, the homelessness of 3 million Syrian refugees alone in addition to all the other homeless adults and children fleeing violence, millions more, including many in this country, who are homeless and without access to enough food, medicine, prenatal care, and adequate birth control?
 
Is this the same group of priests (now bishops) about who study after study has revealed:
 
To the average person, this demand of Canon Law 277 imposes a seemingly impossible task, namely perfect and perpetual continence. Although the church propagates the myth that bishops and priests are celibate, this is not based on fact. Several modern studies have used various methods to measure the degree of celibate observance. No researcher so far has assessed that more than 50 percent of Roman Catholic clergy at any one time are in fact practicing celibacy.  http://ncronline.org/blogs/examining-crisis/secret-sex-celibate-system   Secret sex in the celibate system
A.W. Richard Sipe  |  Apr. 28, 2010
 
Another quote: 
“I would estimate that at least 70% of priests are sexually active all during their life or at some stage of their life. Fifty years ago the priesthood  was a mixture of heterosexual and homosexual men. Today most Catholic priests are gay.” Bishop Pat Buckley 23/05/2012
http://wisecatholic.blogspot.com/2012/05/most-catholic-priests-are.html
 
I could cite a lot more studies and estimates by priests and others, but those can be easily found by researching at one’s local library or just goggling sexually active Roman Catholic Priests on one’s home computer.  The point is that we humans are sexual. We are either openly or secretly sexual.   There is no reason to suspect that the bishops who issued the guidelines for Catholic voters in the 2016 elections are only among the 30% to 70% (various estimates from priests and others with an insider’s knowledge of Roman Catholic priests who remain both chaste and celebrate - do not engage in ANY willful sexual release).  I personally have known and worked with/for Roman Catholic Priests regarding issues of social justice and as their coach/therapist.  I have known very few who refrained from any willful sexual release. They were having or had sexual relationships with adult males and females. Some, as we know, also had had sex with minors (that is a topic for another blog). I have had a similar experience with women who are nuns.
 
There are no accurate statistics on the number of Catholic Priests who have fathered children and/or those who have helped their female partner obtain an abortion.  (Statistics on nuns who have become pregnant are even less available although again if one goggles “Nuns who have had abortions” one will get a lot of hits.  This will also get one to studies about nuns who have been raped or otherwise sexually abused.
 
The point is that the bishops are knowingly and willfully issuing guidelines for voters which do not reflect what they know about the members of the clergy in the church they “lead.”  What could possibly be the motive in pretending as if who we elect will determine the behavior of the average Catholic lay person much less the behavior of Roman Catholic members of religious orders who have taken a vow of chastity and who officially chastise those who engage in sexual activity with a person of the outside of a heterosexual marriage or those who have made the painful decision to get an abortion, use birth control, use the morning after pill, or support their partner in their decision to get an abortion?
 
Let me be perfectly clear.  Abortion for any reason grieves me. I do not think I could be supportive of such a decision. Furthermore, ideally,  I do not think that any of us “should” put ourselves in the position of having to make such a decision.  Yet, we know that:
·      We are sexual.
·      All birth control methods fail.
·      We are not always in a position to take responsibility for a child.
·      There are sometimes painful decisions recommended by a physician because of a medical condition of the mother or the child.
·      No amount of shaming, legal or religious punishment, religious vows, or other methods have ever reduced the sexual behavior to that between consenting adults in a legally and religiously established heterosexual marriage.
There are many reasons to be of sound mind when making a decision to have sexual relationships. Disease, possible pregnancy, personal values, the risk of one person feeling casual and one feeling emotionally connected can all be reasons to refrain from sexual intimacy with another consenting adult. Although there may be many who can easily seem to separate physical sexual intimacy from an emotional or spiritual connection, many of us are either unable or unwilling to do so.
 
The question of whether the sexual contact/interaction is between two (or more) people of the same or opposite gender is, for me, a non-issue. As a person who comes out of a Christian spiritual framework, I cannot envision a God of my understanding who has set up a genital watch program to ensure that one’s genitals only have contact with the genitals of a person who has a different number of chromosomes.  (A difference of one to be exact.). While there was a time in our evolution when we humans were fearful that there were a limited number of sperm at a time when many mothers and children died in childbirth, we have known for a very long time that the average male has an overabundance of very active sperm, one of which will swim its little heart out to reach the egg.
 
Even the tiny bacteria and viruses that may be responsible for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) seem to be unaware of the need to discriminate between same and opposite gender relationships.  Imagine the ire of the God of their understanding on judgment day! Oh my!
 
There is a famous passage in the New Testament and similar advice in almost every religious or spiritual tradition which says, “How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” (Luke 6:42 or Matthew 7:5).     Perhaps the time and energy of the Bishops would be better spent practicing the HOW of the 12-step program (Originally just AA and then later adapted for narcotics, sex, overeating and other addictions). The HOW of the program is:  Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness.  Perhaps the bishops could lovingly become willing to be honest with themselves about their personal history with their genitals and the history of the interaction between their genitals and those of another person of the same or opposite gender. Then perhaps they could use the same principles to fess up to the sad, often-tragic decisions made regarding pregnancies for which they had some involvement or responsibilities. 
 
Then and only then might they find that the goal of Pope Francis is “holding up what’s right and true and just” (words of Archbishop Leonard Blaire of Hartford Connecticut quoted the article first mentioned in this post).  Perhaps Pope Francis is on to something. Perhaps killing others (directly and indirectly by withholding food, shelter and clothing as well as with guns and bombs) should command our attention. Perhaps there is something intrinsically wrong with any religion which teaches that killing (justified war) is moral and loving is immoral.  Perhaps hypocrisy is indeed a “sin” which destroys that sacred child who practices it. Perhaps we need to embrace the hypocrite within others and ourselves and, thus, free them and us of the “secrets” which destroy.  I find it difficult to believe that the God of my understanding wants anyone to live with the burden of hypocrisy.   Perhaps I am wrong!
 
 
Written November 19, 2015