Last night I was reminded of the advice of Jelalddin Rumi, the 13th century, mystic poet who was from what is now known as Afghanistan.  One of his 60,000 poems reads as follows:

         There is a community of the spirit.

         Join it, and feel the delight

         of walking in the noisy street

         and being the noise.

         Drink all your passion,

         and be a disgrace.

         Close both eyes

         to see with the other eye.

From Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks  found on web site, peacefulriver.homestead.com

The other eye or the third eye has been a metaphorical way of referring to the fact that we often hide from what we don’t feel able to see or to face.  “ According to WIKI, the third eye (also known as the inner eye) is a mystical and esoteric concept referring to a speculative invisible eye which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. In certain dharmic spiritual traditions such as Hinduism, the third eye refers to the ajna, or brow, chakra. The third eye is referred to the gate that leads within to inner realms and spaces of higher consciousness.” (Gregg Prescott. Waking Times)

I know: “The process of vision begins when light rays that reflect off objects and travel through the eye's optical system are refracted and focused into a point of sharp focus. For good vision, this focus point must be on the retina.” (Allaboutvision.com)

As soon as this information is transmitted to our brains we begin to label the patterns of light.   The labeling is based on what we have learned and what we have told ourselves about that particular pattern whether that be a leaf, a person, a landscape, an animal, or an object. The image might be as impressionistic as a Monet or as sharp as a Georgia O’Keefe.  

Habit also plays a huge role in what I have trained myself to attend to.  That is part of the reason why if there are 50 people who “observe” the same incident, there is likely to be 50 different descriptions of what transpired. They are all accurate accounts of each person’s experience.

Let me give you another example from Shams of Tabriz, from the book “The Forty Rules of Love.”

         When a true lover of God goes into the tavern, the tavern becomes

         His chamber of prayer, but when a wine bibber goes into the same

         Chamber, it becomes his tavern. In everything we do, it is our

         hearts, which makes the difference, not our outer appearance.

         Sufis do not judge other people on how they look or who they are. 

         When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed and

         instead opens a third eye-the eye that sees the inner realm.

(A word about Sufi for those not familiar with the term. Some connect it to the Muslim religion. Other claim:  “Sufi" is a unique word. "Sufi" is a unique Power. It does not relate to any particular religion. It belongs to all of humanity.

"Sufi" is a clear, pure Essence that has filtered and settled slowly, deep within.”  - bmf.org)

The point of which I am trying to remind myself is that if I continue to act as if I “see the truth” with my two eyes I will continue to miss the essential truth(s) about myself and others.   When Father Gregory Boyle works with gang members in Los Angeles with his third eye he sees an essential goodness. When that same gang member sees himself he or she sees a person without value or worth.  Some will eventually see with their third eye and come to accept the ‘truth” of their essential goodness.  This does not mean that the person denies all the ways he/she have hurt themselves and others.  It is essential to face ourselves as we are in all our humanness.  We humans can and do hurt each other – sometimes in very socially acceptable ways and sometimes in ways which land us in jail.     Once I have the courage to look at my own humanness in its entire rainbow of colors and shapes I can “see” my painful heart and how my behavior has disconnected me from me and from others.  Then I can “see” with my third eye the part of me that longs to connect with my own essential goodness/my heart and to the essential goodness of others. 

For some there may be a biological condition, which prevents them from feeling this connection.   People with autism spectrum disorder can understand on a cognitive level that they are part of this same human community, but may not be able to experience the feeling of belonging or connecting.  There are many other medical conditions which may prevent someone from experiencing the connection.  This is not something we need or should punish.

For many who have a long history of feeling disconnected, of believing that they are not worthy of connection or that everyone will mistreat them, allowing oneself to both see and feel with the third eye may be a long process.  However, once we have even one experience of seeing with our heart, we can never again be comfortable seeing only with open eyes.

I was just chatting with a young man via text.  It happens that this young man is a former client of mine.  I could elect to see him as a client.  I see him, however, as the loving, good young man who has much love to give others and me.   He is not this historic “runner” who used drugs to avoid being with himself.    For the first time he is finding that he can enjoy life just being himself.  The next step will be for him to take that self to work, the store and any other place he goes.  When he does every place will become as Shams of Tabriz suggests a chamber of prayer.   Others might look at him with their eyes open and see a young man working in a restaurant. He will “see” a young man (himself) leading with his heart, which is a prayer. He will know that he is there to show up with love and incidentally do all the tasks necessary to make the restaurant a success

All this requires us to overrule much of what we have learned about what we think we see or expect to see with others and ourselves.  It may feel as if this takes a great deal of courage.

Last evening I was talking to a young man who has learned to think of himself as mentally disabled and, thus, unable to retain a job.  I have always seen him as a bright, capable, strong young man.  True he has practiced some behavior, which has led him to abuse himself and others emotionally.  It will take time and much practice to change this behavior.  One of his habits has been to run from the pain of being with himself by drinking or using other drugs.   I am suggesting that he will find, if he can allow self to go beneath the pain, that loving, competent, good man who has been waiting to be seen and experienced by the third eye. I always found it interesting, but not surprising, that his young man often found it emotionally safer to be himself with animals.  When he called last night he was able to let me know that he is beginning to “see” that inner core of goodness, which is him.

I, too, have to practice closing my two eyes and opening the third eyes. If anxiety/fear pops up I need only notice it, not comment on it and wait for it to pass.

Existential Life Issues for all of us

A mother emailed me the other day to tell me that her son had told her that he is gay.  She was upset because she fears that life will be more difficult for him as a gay man than it would be as a heterosexual. As is true for all healthy parents she wants life to be without major pain for her children.  That is very understandable.  The truth is that, as parents, we cannot protect our children from pain.   We could attempt to convince them that it is better to go though this life journey with as many masks as possible. If the person is successful in masking or hiding their true self they will not experience the pain, which can come from internalizing the criticism of another.  Sadly they will experience the even worse pain of being disconnected from themselves and others. They will feel an enormous sense of loneliness which is another kind of pain.

Emotionally and spiritually the existential life issue for all of us is whether we have the courage to be who we are emotionally, politically, culturally, racially, sexually, vocationally or otherwise.  Anne Lamott talks about learning to be upwardly mobile which was, for her, the same as being upwardly miserable.  Someone else might do really well in the fast track unless, of course, they are doing this track to please  or impress someone or in the mistakenly belief that if they have enough money they and their family will be happy.

A colleague of mine lost over $13,000,000.00 dollars in the Madoff scam.  Although this was disappointing and it meant that he lost his house and much more, he was okay with it.  He simply said, “It is only money, I am lucky that, at 70, I can still work.”  His wife, however, had a very difficult time accepting their poorer status, took her money and left.

Just today I was talking with a friend and colleague about some people we know who have convinced themselves that they are trapped in their current jobs; that they have no options.  This forces them to choose between being homeless; reducing their living standards monetarily, begging to live with family members despite the fact that they are well into adulthood, or putting  themselves and their opinions and values on hold and try harder to be good little puppets.  

Earlier today I was talking to a woman who was  recently convinced that she was trapped and had no options regarding living situation, job or in other areas of her life. Today, she can see that she has a number of options. She had to emerge from her self imposed, depressive cave and begin to talk to others – to see a larger world which was there the entire time.

I was convinced that I was “called” to be a minister in the Presbyterian Church. I finished college and then spent three years obtaining a Masters of Divinity degree, going through rigorous ordination exams only to find a couple of years later that was not my calling. Prior to all this I had attended the U. S. Naval Academy majoring in Engineering. The primary motivation for taking the exams and jumping through all the hoops to get there was  because I wanted to please others.  Eventually I ended up getting a masters in clinical psychology and working as a counselor/therapist.  I continue to do some life coaching and addiction counseling.   I also continue to write this daily blog.   I had to finally quit trying to please or win the approval of others and do what felt right for me.    Obviously, for me that was not something which came “naturally” to me.   Yet, all those experiences prior to becoming a licensed counselor helped me become the person that I am today – a still growing person whose truth continues to unfold.

How do we know what we are called to do?  What if we only know what we are not called to do?

·      The best answer I know is:
listen – to be quiet and listen.  Of course, if I just listen inside my cave with no connection with the world outside of my cave I may not hear an answer. Hiding in my cave is much different that a silent, guided retreat. The daughter of a friend of mine spent 3 years on a silent retreat under direction of a spiritual guide.  She was actively putting herself in a  place to listen to her own heart; to find her truth even if it was not a comfortable truth. 

·      See – Really allow yourself to see the colors of the universe and how all the pieces of the universe fit together.

·      Feel – Allow your passion to rise to the surface.  This may take a little time. We may have long ago locked our passion into an internal strongbox because we thought our passion was not pleasing to our parents, our church, or others.

·      Reach out – Communicate with others who seem delighted with life.  Reach books by such people as Sonia Sotomayor, the Supreme Court Justice who  grew up in the project with a mother who had to work the afternoon shift of a low paying job and an alcoholic father and  who lived with childhood diabetes which required her to learn to give herself shots at eight. Follow the examples of such later bloomers as:  Frank McCourt, age 49; George Elliott, age 40; Toni Morison, age 40 (later won Nobel prize and Publizer Prize); Mark Twain, age 49.  There are many examples of people who did not start owning their passion and talent until in their sixties or seventies.

I am reminded of a Pueblo Indian Prayer:

         Hold on to what is good, even it it’s a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even it it’s a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even it it’s a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it’s easier to let go. Hold on to my hand, even if I’ve gone away from you.

This morning in my email in box I found a note from “The Tapping Solution” by Nick Ortner. In this email he shared “Recipe for Success” which he suggested we share with those we love. Thus I am taking the liberty of sharing with those I love, my readers. I do encourage you to also sign to get on the mailing list for “The Tapping Solution” and to explore his new book, “The Tapping Solution for Pain Relief”.

His recipe:

(makes one serving which is all you need to change the world)

Step 1:  Pour one cup of PASSION into your mixing bowl.  If you have two cups or three cups, heck, throw them in as well.

Step 2:  Put your passion on the stove until it is nice and hot. It should be boiling and look like it’s about to explode at any moment.  We’re going to settle it down a bit buy adding a pint(or ten) of ACTION. Stir the actin and the passion together until they blend smoothly.

Let it simmer like this for 10-15 minutes (or 0-20 years, depends on your particular situation)

Step 3: This is where it gets a bit hairy, so pay close attention.  You’ll notice the passion and action start to cool down a bit, and you’ll see some BUMPS, SETBACKS, and FEARS developing in the mixture.

This is where you need to empty your kitchen cabinets and throw in as much PERSISTENCE as you can.  Chuck in any you can find. Keep stirring. You’ll soon notice it’s coming together perfectly, smells delicious and is ready to serve the world.

Additional seasonings  to taste:  Love, Patience, Joy

Kitchen tools that make the whole process easier:

Exercise, meditation, EFT Tapping.

Now when I started this blog yesterday I did not know that I would  “find” this recipe from Mr. Ortner this morning and I was not consciously thinking of the Pueblo Indian Prayer  My experience is that I must start writing with a the essential ingredients which Mr. Ortner has in his recipe.   Often the first words I write it that I seem to have nothing to say.  Soon ,despite having nothing to say, the word count tells me I have more than 1200 words.

All of us are going to have our existential crisis moments, moments which force us to take what Soren Kierkegaard terms that “Leap of Faith”.  As parents, despite our fears and our desire to protect our children we are going to need to encourage them to take that leap. More than anything we do not want them to wither and die because we are afraid that they will be hurt or made fun of.   This may be frightening for us and force us to confront the fact that the only power we have is to love our children.  Protecting them from the world is not an option.