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Came to believe

8/31/2022

Came to believe

A friend of mine and his wife who are members of a 12-step recovery program and who are mentors to many in that same program are scheduled to lead a workshop entitled “Came to believe” and asked for my thoughts.

“Came to believe” is a phase taken from the second step of the 12-step programs.   It reads “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. The 12- step program is a spiritual and not a religious program. Individuals most often arrive at a 12- step meeting having attempted numerous times to release themselves from their addictions by themselves and finding that they have failed to access the power needed to resist the powerful compulsive nature of the addictive substance or behavior. Their addiction might be alcohol, another drug, sex, power, possessions or even ideas. When they arrive at a 12-step meeting they are offered a welcome hug and the first step which is: “We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable”.   Then they are offered the second step about coming to believe,

I messaged my friends the following:

What an interesting an open-ended topic. “Come to Believe” (1) that one is not the center of the universe (2) that there is power in helping each other (3) that love of self and others works better than hate (4 )that it is okay to be one’s unique human self (5) that one’s “sins” are no worse than those of others (6) that one can be accountable without falling on the sword of shame (7) that one can make amends with head held high as an equal knowing that one does not have any interesting or unique sins (8) that one can share one’s healing to help others begin their healing journey (9) that one is stronger than one feels (10) that one can face the grief of life without shame or fear (11) that all powerful emotions reside in the same place; when one hides shame, grief an fear, one hides joy, passion and love.

Some of us have a background of being introduced to a power greater than ourselves in the form of an angry, punishing god.   Some have come to believe the myth which has been handed to many; that one has to pull oneself up by one’s own bootstrap even if one has no boots much less bootstraps. In the 12-step program and some other spiritual program one is invited to accept that one is a necessary but not sufficient part of a whole; that one’s contribution to the whole is valuable; that one is not whole unless one is connected to others; that all need the support, love and guidance of each other; that when we mistreat ourselves we injure the whole and when we allow others to help us we are able to support and help others.

Written August 31, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

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Sunday Musings - August 28, 2022

8/28/2022

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Sunday Musings - August 28, 2022
Keep it simple

One of the pieces of advice one often hears from sponsors in 12 step recovery program, or other spiritual programs is, “Keep it simple stupid.”    This advice is not meant as an insult but as a gentle reminder that many of us humans get so involved or consumed with details that we see only the forest and not the trees.

Early on teachers in and out of the formal classroom setting have reminded me that there are no complicated issues. There all many situations, problems, and machines which may appear complicated, but all are composed of many relatively simple pieces or connections. If one is looking only at the whole one quickly can become overwhelmed.

Early in my life journey - probably upon the advice of a wise adult - I learned if I was walking, driving, or riding my bike up a huge mountain if I focused on the top I quickly became overwhelmed and found the task too daunting to even attempt. If, however, I looked for the next tree, rock or even crack in road and made it my destination I could easily compete that distance.

Although some may write an outline before they begin a book or a musical composition, one only writes one note, word or sentence at a time. With the theme or subject in mind, one will then allow one note or sentence to direct one to the next one. One may need to play with that sequence for a bit, but every seemingly complicated task is composed of such simple, small steps.

While driving from Tulsa to Wheeling recently I listened to many podcasts, interviews or commentaries on various local, national and international situations. It is clearly true that we as a species whose behavior affects all part of the universes face a number of issues which are crying to be addressed. These include:

o   The effect of our actions on the climate; how to sharply decrease behavior which is resulting in global warming.

o   The economics which leaves resources so unfairly and unevenly distributed resulting in some having much more than they need and many others being hungry, homeless, without safe drinking water, without access to health care and often feeling disconnected and lonely.

o   Our human attachment to dualities; our habit of labeling people, places and events as better/worse, good/gad, right/wrong. This leads to the fact that we imprison so many and hold on to our attachment to punishing as a primary approach to healing the wounds of the soul/heart.

o   Our human fear that it is not enough to be us; that we need to prove our worth with more money, possessions, power, land or some other external.

o   Our attachment to violence which is directly related to our fear of ourselves which is related to of fear of each other; of focusing on the external differences and not the internal similarities.

o   Our fear of mental illness and other “dis eases”] which is related to our fear of our humanness.

We each have particular talents and amass various types of knowledge. I will never be a talented artist of paintings or sculptures, a singer who sings on key, a person who has the patience or appetite to work on circuit boards, a race car driver, or a person who has any number of other skills or talents. I do have some particular talents but the developments of each of those talents or skills has required the willingness and ability to take each step of a process, study it and practice, practice, practice.

There may, of course, be those individuals who are seeming born with a talent which has been welded onto their DNA. The child who can play a musical instrument or sing on key at 3 years old is clearly born with a talent most of us will never achieve. There are those whose minds seems to be able to “automatically” break down any problem or tasks into simple steps without having to work at it. Most of us, however, need the reminder to “keep it simple stupid.”. Whether the task is our spiritual journey, having a healthier relationship with Mother Earth, letting go of our attachment to punishment, learning to solve a math problem, or cleaning house one needs to proceed one tiny step at a time.

None of us has all the sole abilities or talents needed to create a loving, healthy community. All of us have some talents and abilities to contribute to the building of the emotional, spiritual, physical and mechanical parts of such a community. If we use our particular talents and those of others and accept the fact there are no complicated issues or situations we can create that loving, just community. We can just keep it simple.

Written August 28, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

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Sunday Musings - August 21, 2022

8/21/2022

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Sunday Musings - August 21, 2022

The toughest commandments.   If one searches the various writings in the New Testament or consults various Christian commentaries for the commandment of Jesus, one may be surprised that there was just one commandment. It can be summarized as love. This commandment is stated in various formats including:

o   Love one another (John 15:17))
o   Love your enemies (Luke 6:27-28)
o   Forgive others (Luke 6:27:28)
o   Turn the other cheek (Luke 6:29-30)
o   Be reconciled or do not bring gifts to the altar until you have reconciled (Matthew 5:23-24)
o   Treat others as you wish to be treated (Luke 6:31)

Many of us struggle with is the definition of “another” or “other’ or ”enemy”. We have a tendency to convince ourselves that Jesus really did not mean the persons who are convicted of murder- especially the seemingly unrepentant murderer, the child molester, the person who steals from and/or assaults an old person, the person who kills in the name of their god, the person who forces a child to serve them sexually, the politician who pretends to know the answers, anyone who challenges the God of our understanding or, perhaps worst of all the one who holds a mirror to our secret thoughts or actions.

We humans tend to conjure up explanations such as “That person is pure evil.” Or “They are inhuman.” Or “They have been taken over by the devil (They are the devil.)”. In other words, we do as Karl Marx and Frederick Engels did in the Communist Manifesto and redefine when one becomes human thus giving ourselves permission to not have to treat all humans with dignity and respect. Adolph Hitler and his inner circle did something similar when they decided that individual people were no different than the diseased limbs on an individual body. They licensed physicians who were committed to upholding the Hippocratic Oath could decide that the patient was the state and, thus, killing many individuals was no different than amputating diseased limbs.

We humans are very creative with language in excluding some from the commandment to love. We use terms such as enemy, gooks, Japs, Krauts, the anti-Christ, terrorists, guerrillas, the antagonists, rebels, traitors and a host of others terms all designed to dehumanize the ones we want to convince ourselves are nothing like us; the ones whom Jesus or other spiritual leaders did not command us to love.

We desperately want to convince ourselves that our actions are different than; our sins are forgivable; the log in our eye is but a spec compared to the redwood tree in the eye of “them” or “Him” or “Her” or “the evil one or …. We want to believe that punishment will lead to people behaving in a manner which considers our needs; to learn to behave like “US”.   We need to believe that we could never, ever be like that other person; that we could never have what we consider a deviant sexual compulsion; we could never bomb civilian targets such as those occupying the twin towers; that no sane person could vote for X or Y.

Daily I read the local and national news. Daily, in my current home of Tulsa, Oklahoma I read of individuals shooting each other over some perceived injustice or emotional slight. Daily I read carefully crafted news stories describing another being as a killer or as a sexual offender. Daily I read stories such as one this morning of parents grieving over the murder of a young child. Soon in these United States, we will be reading or hearing of yet another school shooting. We will be reading of those teachers who violate the law and teach in a way which challenges the privileges of some of us.

The media often divides the world into us and them; into us and the enemy or the evil one. Seldom are we challenged to view those identified as the law breaker or the offender as they were as a newborn infant; as innocent as all of us. Seldom are we challenged to accept the reality that some are born without essential body parts which allows for the possibility of closeness and, thus, empathy. Seldom are we challenged to genuinely love our enemy, to love others as ourselves, to forgive without any conditions or caveats, to be reconciled. Some readers will in reading the above saying, “Wait a minute. Aren’t you forgetting something? Some choose to be evil; to molest that child, rob that crippled person, beat their children, leave a child to die in a hot car,”

When Jesus is talking to the prostitute the disciples say, “Hey Jesus, don’t who know that this is a sinner who has not repented, one who has not begged for forgiveness.” Jesus replies, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

What if that simple carpenter really did know who he was talking to? What if that simple, homeless, wandering teacher really did think we could claim our own sacredness by accepting our shared humanness which whose brains may suddenly be UNABLE to consider the sacredness of all others; what if that “other” person is no different than we who cannot envision the “enemy” as our brother or sisters - as fully our equal? What if that simple carpenter secretly had post graduate degrees in neurology, anthropology, and sociology? What if the answer to social and political unrest is contained in His seemingly over simplified commandments?

Written August 21, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

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Sunday Musings - August 14, 2022

8/14/2022

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Sunday Musings - August 14, 2021
The god of one’s understanding

My religious background is framed by a fairly conservative, Baptist Christian framework. Many others have a Christian background which is contained in other frameworks. These include many Protestant denominations, Roman Catholics, Orthodox Catholics as well as various groups whose framework is a different hue or shade.

As a child I was vaguely aware of the reality of other frameworks, but none lived in our relatively small circle.   I was also aware our father seemed to identify as a non-believer and our mother professed to be a Christian.

When I joined the U. S. Navy, I was vaguely aware that there might have been some non-Christians but cannot recall anyone who overtly identified as Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu or some other religion. By the time I got to college I was acutely aware of classmates and some professors who were Jewish or Muslim and was becoming increasingly aware that the God of one’s of one’s understanding had historically been conceptualized in many different frameworks.   Some of the frameworks had multiple gods, a few of whom seemed able to identity with some of the human’s emotions which often visited me.

I did not, however, hear the term “the god of one’s understanding” until I was being introduced as as graduate student intern to the 12-step recovery programs which included Alcoholic Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.   Despite the fact that at times there still seemed to be preference for the use of Christian prayers at some meetings, the basic principles of the program welcomed those of all religious frameworks or backgrounds and those of no religious frameworks or programs. The traditions of the 12-step program stress that it is a spiritual and not a religious program.

Many individuals with whom I talk are comfortable with the term spiritual and many are uncomfortable with the term. I am going to use the term spiritual to refer to how one sees one’s relationship to the whole of a group, a community, a planet, a universe or multiple universes.

In the United States, seemingly more than in other countries, we are fond of our individuality and the consequent belief that the rights and needs of the individual are what is most important; that communities or nations are composed of individuals despite many identifying as Christians who are committed to the community of Christians. There is often a tension between the various religious groups. Yet, here in the United States, individual sin and salvation are stressed even when one is a member of a mega church composed of thousands of individuals.

In the 12-step programs for those recovering from various addictions one enters as one who has necessarily been very self-obsessed and self-centered. As one works the steps of the program and embraces the goal of one addict helping another one begins to identify as a member of a large group which has members worldwide. In fact, at regional, national or international conventions of those who are members of 12-step programs one finds oneself identifying with thousands of others whose god of one’s understanding includes a diverse group of religious and non-religious frameworks from Jesus to the God of Abraham to Allah to the 12-step program to the concept of universes of which one is an essential but not sufficient part. Some think of the earth, the universes or the galaxies as the God of one’s understanding. Some believe each action or inaction affects the whole in often imperceptible but important ways.   Within this larger framework is room for all concepts of God; for the belief or understanding that none of us are an island; that each of us is more the the self-centered, lonely self who began a spiritual journey when they entered the 12-step program or when they followed another path to letting go of their isolation by becoming one with all that exists.

Individual groups or frameworks for attaining the state of nothingness which encompasses all are just that - frameworks. Just as many of us may cook our rice in various pots on various sources of heat to create the same outcome, so the various paths to embracing the significant insignificance of this life journey leads to the same destination no matter what we call the God of our understanding. No word or concept of God is sufficient to encompass all that is, all that was, and all that is yet to be.

Written August 14, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

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Sunday Musings - August 7, 2022

8/7/2022

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Sunday Musings – August 7, 2022
Attachments - Shenpa

The Buddhist nun and teacher, Pema Chodron has often spoken about the Tibetan concept of Shenpa. In the Summer 2009 edition of Tricycle, in an article entitled “Don’t Bite the Hook’ she says, “In Tibetan there is a word that points to the root cause of aggression, the root cause also of craving. It points to a familiar experience that is at the root of all conflict, all cruelty, oppression, and greed. The word is Shenpa. The usual translation is “attachment, “ but this doesn’t adequately express the full meaning. I think of Shenpa as “getting hooked. Another definition, used by Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, is the “charge”-the charge behind our thoughts and worlds and actions, the charge behind “like”and “don’t like.’’’

Actually, I find the word attachment helpful realizing, of course, that all words have very particular meaning for each of us. When I think of attachment in this spiritual sense, I think of getting super glued to an object, a person, an outcome and or some objective. For example, just this past week I got upset because a large payment I had mailed over three weeks ago had not reached or not been processed by the company which owns my credit card. I was attached to the belief that the post office had to deliver mail in what I considered a prompt manner. I blamed my being upset on the post office but, in fact it was my attachment to the expectations of how the post office “should” function at all times which led to my frustration.

Shenpa often begins with my expectations. I expected to be able to make the marriage to my son’s mother work. I expected that my son’s bipolar illness and how I dealt with it to not adversely affect the relationship between my son and me. I expected to complete my engineering degree even though I passively allowed myself to accept an invitation to study engineering knowing it was not my passion. I expect certain politicians to act in certain ways.

Once I adopt an expectation, I can make my sense of worth and peace of mind dependent on the expectations becoming manifest reality. When my expectations are not realized I may become angry, frustrated, or disappointed and act out those feeling in a manner which is not consistent with my spiritual goals - my ideal self. My expectations can lead to attachment preventing me from moving forward in my spiritual journey. I can even become attached to not having shenpa or at least having less of it. The more I become attached to not having shenpa the more shenpa I will experience.

The late Richard Carlson published a book in 1997 entitle. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and It Is All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life. It became a best seller. He died at the young age of 45 as he was beginning to promote his new book “Don’t Get Scrooged”. The message in his books is still a poignant reminder that if one keeps one’s expectations realistic and merely as possibilities one will not have shenpa and lose one’s spiritual center. Although one will certainly grieve the loss of relationships, goals or possessions in the long run these loses do not have to determine one’s contentment or happiness.

Most of us can review our past and remember feeling as if X or Y was essential to our happiness or even our well-being. At that moment X or Y seemed extremely important and, yet, if we are remembering these events we survived and perhaps even found the loss of X or Y was a necessary step to the next blessings in this brief life journey. Most of us can remember when we could not imagine being our current age and, yet here we are. Recently a close friend died, and another is under the care of hospice. There is long list of deceased individuals who, at one time, I was convinced had to stay alive and be an active part of my life if life was to have any purpose. Yet, I have gone on to enjoy a life of new experiences and perhaps a sense of purpose I could not previously imagine.

We are all going to fall into the trap of shenpa. We all will, at times, feel as if X or Y or Z is essential to our happiness. The goal is not to be shenpa free but to notice shenpa when it visits; to notice without assigning a value to it; notice without labeling as good, bad, right or wrong while allowing ourselves to briefly experience the grief, anger or frustration - again without judgement. This leaves us open to the next blessing; the next sunrise; the next rainbow; the next moment of joyful connection with another; the next moment with the relief and blessing of having fewer attachments.

Written August 7, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

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Came to believe

Sunday Musings - August 28, 2022

Sunday Musings - August 21, 2022

Sunday Musings - August 14, 2022

Sunday Musings - August 7, 2022

Jimmy Pickett is a life student who happens to be a licensed counselor and an addiction counselor. He is a student of Buddhism with a background of Christianity and a Native American heritage.

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