​Boys will be boys or It is just part of the game or It is just politics or…
 
Throughout the most recent presidential election race in the United States it seems as if there was a lot of behavior which would not normally be tolerated, but which was chalked up to being just the way that politics is done.  Some of this same seemingly sophomoric at best, frightening at worst behavior continues.  I do of course know that politicians and many other humans have been hurling unkind, even mean insults at each other for a very long time.  It does, however, seem that for a time, it became politically incorrect to hurl racist, homophobic, sexist or other insults at each other.  Then during the election, political correctness itself was called into question and the new politically correct became the former politically incorrect.
 
I never did quite wrap my head around the acceptance by many of this behavior. It seems to me to go against the progress which had been so painstakingly achieved. Yet, it seemed as if my concern was labeled by many I know as being overly sensitive or picky.  Surely it was said to me that there are much more important issues on which to focus.  “Boys will be boys or politicians will be politicians. Do not take it so seriously.”  Yet, everything in me rebelled against such acceptance of using race, sexual identity, age, religion or other factors to reinforce an us and them society.
 
This week there was a boxing match which was very popular for many that I knew who were willing to shell out big bucks to watch on pay per view (someone told me up to $100.00).  Although I am not a fan of boxing, I am willing to accept that there is or can be a lot of skill to engaging in this sport. Certainly, I can appreciate that level of skill no matter what the activity.  I no longer feel a need to understand why two men (or women) hitting each other until one is knocked out (technically or otherwise) is such a popular sport. I was, however, confused when I heard that the two men (Merriweather and McGregor) were throwing verbal racist and homophobic punches at each other. None of those to whom I talked seem to feel a need to refuse to support the fight or the promoters of the fight until and unless the racist and homophobic behavior stops.  
 
Once again I am moved to ask if it is every okay to engage in verbal racist, homophobic, sexist, ageist behavior or any verbal behavior discounting another because of race, sexuality, age, gender or religion?  If the answer is yes, why it is okay?  Do we really want to feed the flames of what we witnessed in Charleston recently? Is another Hitler acceptable?  Do we want to return to using homosexuals (faggots – sticks) as fuel for the fire?  Do we want lynching to become an event to which we can take our picnic lunches and from which we can send postcards (or texts)?  
 
I do think we need to laugh at ourselves and with each other.  I think it is fine for a member of a sub group to use humor or even sarcasm to call each other to be their best selves.  I am not convinced that it is ever funny or acceptable to discount the sacredness of someone for any quality which is an essential part of who they are.
 
Perhaps I am missing something and just being too serious.  Perhaps I am just being politically correct while Rome is burning. Perhaps a return to using faggots as fuel for the fire, lynchings, and insuring that the “little woman stays in the home where she belongs” is acceptable.  
 
Then again, perhaps….
 
 
Written august 28, 2017
 

​Sunday Musings - August 27, 2017
 
I sit here on this Sunday morning waiting for my mind to quiet.  It is nearly 10:00 a.m.   I have been up since 5:00 a.m. and, thus, have had five hours to cross items off the list.  Actually, it has been quite a luxurious morning which allowed for time with friends via email and text, changing the sheets, doing a load of wash, working out at the gym, breakfast with a friend, a stop at Lowe’s for marble stones to fill in space near the side of the house and plants to fill in space which was designed for flowers but which soon became a banquet table for the deer, folding laundry, and posting the blog.  While at the gym I listened to the news of Hurricane Harvey, reaction to latest Presidential actions, the boxing match, use of fake news by the Russians (or was the news about fake news fake?) and poems by Nikki Giovanni read by someone I cannot now locate on my NPR app. I also listened to a report about ongoing reactions to the reaction of others following the Charleston demonstrations and, and, and…
 
Now it is time to be quiet and claim that center which I choose to call my spiritual center. That is the place which allows me to remember that this life journey is very brief; that not much matters except how I treat myself and other. This week included time with several friends including Barb, Lanny, Frank, and John as well as virtual time with some others that I admire such as Billy Collins and Nikki Giovanni.   
 
As usual, however, as I was reminded by the blogger and author Kristin Lamb, I need to clear space for new thoughts, feelings, and ideas.  As soon as I do, up pops an old resentment which I was sure I had sent to the trash bin on more than one occasion.  I am surprised and, yet, not surprised by the fact that once I log in a resentment I cannot simply erase it. I know, of course, that resentments do not allow for the fact that I made certain decisions and had certain expectations that a person would be able to behave in a manner which I determined was “right” or “just” or “moral”.  Really?  Fortunately, I know enough not to feed the resentment and I “know” that I do not need to be upset by it.  Still, I do so want to be rid of those expectations which frequently lead to such righteous feelings and, if not careful, thoughts.   Dear me.  It is yet another reminder of my humanness and thus, the humanness of those for whom I work – clients – as well as all others that I know.
 
My mind wanders back to a pardon by President Trump.  If only he would behave in the way that I think he should.   I smile. Such arrogance on my part.
 
It is Sunday. I remind myself to breathe the deliciously cool air which reminds me that fall is fast approaching.  I think of pumpkins, apple cider, post-harvest time with friends, preparing for winter, the harvest moon, and perhaps falling in love.
 
Breathe.  Empty.  Breathe out the resentments, judgments, weight of the world. Breathe in light, love and new possibilities.
 
Written August 27, 2017
 

​Miracles
 
I set out this morning to write
 
a thousand words on
 
the subject of miracles.
 
It would be an erudite message
 
to be held close.
 
Then I laughed with myself
 
How can one write a thousand
 
words explaining
 
what arrives with the sun
 
forcing one to wear those
 
eclipse viewing glasses?
 
How can write about what is
 
clearly beyond comprehension?
 
 Miracles
 
         A child – any child.
         Freedom from active addiction.
         The soothing hum of a mother
         touching the heart of the slaves as they rowed.
         Poems of Emily Dickinson, Nikki Giovanni,
         Billy Collins, Alice Walker and countless others.
 
         The art on my wall which steadies my soul while
I find myself
 
         again.
 
A long distant hug.
 
Peace in Ireland
 
Too numerous to mention
 
miracles simply arrive
 
To be savored
 
         enjoyed
 
         received with grace
 
         handled with care.
 
Miracles are.
 
Written August 26, 2017
 
        
 

​Hindsight, insight and foresight
 
In a September 15, 2016 conversation entitled “Where does it Hurt” between Ruby Sales, the public theologian and Krista Tippett, host of the weekly podcast On Being, Ms. Sales posited:
 
“I think that one of the things that theologies must have is hindsight, insight and foresight.  That is complete sight…and it says it is not an “I” sight, it’s a “we” sight.”
 
I am sure that these terms will have different meanings for each of us.  Yet, the risk that the elders of the community must take is suggesting how one might apply terms such as these to one’s walk or dance today.
 
I have previously suggested that the term dance refers to how I move about in the world.  My dance can be moving toward others, away from others, or an attempt to hold still.  Throughout each day each of us must decide the dance we will do. The easiest dance is, of course, a repeat of the steps we have previously practiced until they became a habit. The ability to form habits is, of course, very useful.  I love the fact that I did not have to relearn how to get out of bed, dress, type, drive a car or do my workout this morning. I also did not have to think about how to wash my body, cook and eat my breakfast, clean up or dress for work.  I am well aware that one can have a brain injury which erases many or all of these habits and one has to painstakingly relearn them.    Habits can also limit our ability to learn.  Most of us begin learning certain truths as young children – truths about ourselves, each other and the dance we should do with each other and universe in which we are living.  If not careful, we practice memorizing those truths until they become habits of thinking and behavior.  We may then, if not careful, label them as absolute truths.   The assignment of absolute to these “truths” will prevent us from having hindsight.  If they are absolute, then they cannot be questioned and one cannot step back and reexamine them. If we cannot reexamine them we cannot learn from them.  There may be some which need to remain but there may also be many which new evidence will disprove.   That ability to reexamine habits of thinking is hindsight.  
 
Insight is the ability to arrive at new truths which can lead to new ways of thinking and behaving.  These new “truths” will still have to be questioned but, for today, insight suggests one might explore this new way of thinking.
 
Foresight to that ability to consider how my dance today is going to affect the dance of the “we” – the we which includes all of life and the totality of the universe – for the future.  If I or we do action X what are the long term potential consequences?
 
We seem to be a race of beings who have throughout history often been lacking in hindsight, insight and foresight.    We seem to often focus on what will bring us or our small group immediate gratification or satisfaction and later have to spend a lot of time, money and energy dealing with the consequences of our past decisions.  We also seem to be a species which often holds on to habits of thinking and behavior no matter what new evidence might suggest.
 
It would seem that we might benefit from Ms. Ruby Sales’ reminder to stop, breathe and consider how we might apply hindsight, insight and foresight to both our individual and collective dances.  It might be both fun and enlightening to play with applying these terms to:
 
·      The history of race relations in the United States (and elsewhere).
·      The decisions to do all we can to ensure that life expectancy is longer while we simultaneously build bombs and limit health care.
·      The use of violence – verbal, physical, emotional and spiritual.
·      The application of punishments rather education or teaching.
·      Acting as if our treatment of part of the earth or universe does not affect all of the earth and universe(s).
 
 
One could, of course, stretch out this list for many pages.  The point is that we might greatly benefit from listening to elders such as Ms. Sales.  We might – just might – want to experiment with hindsight, insight and foresight.  We might even want to consider teaching our children to apply these concepts to all decisions about their dance of life.  This could allow us to dance today and possibility tomorrow. This could allow us to keep choreographing a new dance based on what we learn by applying these basic concepts.   One might even go so far as to suggest that the way to freedom is hindsight, insight and foresight – the freedom to create a joyful, challenging, passionate, evolving, inclusive dance.
 
Written August 25, 2017
 

​My essence is contained in my sneakers?
 
This morning, while at the gym, I was listening to an episode of Us and Them hosted by West Virginia Public Radio.  Trey Kay brings stories of West Virginians which are essentially the stories of all of us whether living in the United States in this decade or in Egypt in the days of the Pharaohs.    Throughout recorded history humans have been dividing ourselves into us and them.   The goal, of course, is to convince ourselves and others that we are worthwhile because we are more worthwhile than “them”. This morning I was listening to an episode of Us and Them which recounted the experience of Mr. Kay and some of his former classmates at a high school in Charleston West Virginia. In this locale, the first sorting took placed based upon whether one was a “hiller” or “creeker”. The hillers tended to be those who families who lived on the hill and made decent money as professionals or business owners.  The creekers were those who lived in the valley and whose families were the working class who make less money.  There were also some who were bused in from nearby rural communities. 
 
The hillers often came to school with brand name clothes and expensive sneakers. The creekers might buy their shoes at a discount shoe store such as Picway.    If one wore shoes from Picway one was immediately identified by some of one’s classmates as being less than based solely on the what the shoes represented to one’s classmates.     If one was lucky enough to come to school with a lot of self-confidence – knowing one’s worth – one was not traumatized by the need to be seen as someone of worth.   If, however, one did not have a lot of self-confidence one might be deeply affected by the designation.  If one was identified as a creeker than one had to overcome all that label represented. If one was a hiller one had the pressure of maintaining that label.
 
The labels are different in different locations and in different historical times, but the damage the internalization of the labels does is the same. The labels can be based on race, size, cultural concepts of beauty, sexual orientation, perceived wealth, “coolness”, athletic abilities, inherited power, family community status or some other factors.  The important point is that the existential dilemma or issue for all humans is deciding if:
 

• One is worthwhile as a human being without having to constantly prove it based on some external factor.
• One’s worth is dependent on what the community or some particular person(s) decides is the symbol of worth – money, status, power, profession, size, costume or whatever.

 
If we are very lucky we come to the realization that it is enough to be us with our particular strengths and limitations which may or may not be the standards in the community in which one is raised or where one is living as an adult. Sadly, many of us do not figure this out in our youth and we may not figure it out during our adult years.  Many people in their eighth or ninth decade may still be attempting to prove their worth to “them”.
 
The secret, of course, is that we can determine in our own mind and heart if we are all “us”; that we do not have to have a particular car, house, job, religion, race, sexual orientation, ableness or any other temporary quality or thing to prove our worth. In fact, we do not have to prove our worth at all.  If and when we attain a very spiritual state of being, we know our essence, and thus our worth, is in our humanness with all our individual strengths and limitations.
 
It is tempting as a parent to try to protect our children from having to deal with this existential angst!    Consequently, we might try to protect our children by ensuring that they have the latest sneakers, smart phone, car or some other “thing” so that they will be accepted by the “in” crowd.  Yet, the best gift we can give our children might be to help them learn that they are enough – that they do not have to prove their worth to anyone.   Of course, it is all well and good if a parent keeps telling their children this truth.   Yet, we know that what one’s peers think may be more powerful than anything the parents say.   Depending on where we live we can introduce our children to a diverse group of peers whose values may be different than the us and them distinctions in their schools.   Museums, lectures, musical events, festivals, movies and other community resources can often help children see that the world is much larger than the school that they attend. Even though the existential dilemma might be the same in many cultures the fact that each culture or group has a different standard may help children question the standards which divide their school into us and them.
 
As I have shared, one of the Tee shirts one of the wait staff was wearing at Home girl restaurant said, “There is no us and them. There is only “we”.”
 
In a past blog I wrote about the concept of Ubuntu which is a Nguni Bantu term usually translated as “humanity”.  Ubuntu does not allow for us and them – only Ubuntu.
 
We are not our sneakers. We are our humanity!
 
Written August 24, 2017
 
 

​The paradox of powerlessness
 
Yesterday I heard myself saying to a client, “The paradox of step 1 of the 12-step program is that one gains power by accepting powerlessness.”  Earlier yesterday I was thinking about the concept of winning – what it means to win.   I was, in part, reacting to President Trump’s assertion in his speech on August 21 that we will win in Afghanistan.  Three presidents, thus far, have basically made the same promise to the citizens of the United States.  The United States has spent billions of dollars, many lives, and much energy attempting to win a war with those we label as terrorists.  The plan seems to have been to overpower the terrorist’s groups with modern weapons and perhaps a bit of bullying of what are alleged to be a number of corrupt leaders and systems in the countries in which they are residing. President Trump has, as has some of his predecessors, also threatened the leaders of other countries for not doing enough to destroy the terrorists.  There is no reason to think that this failed plan will now work.  At least I am unable to posit a reason that makes me believe it will work.
 
It is not unusual for us humans to equate winning with overpowering those we label our political, personal or business enemies.  We have often lived by the maxim that “all is fair in love and war.”  The thinking is that if one can out bully the bully one will have won.  One could and many have argued that this strategy has paid off handsomely whether the war is fought with guns, words, physical force or other forces.   Winning necessarily implies a loser.  There is no doubt that nations, individuals and business companies/corporations have gained money, power, and even temporary peace by overpowering those labeled as their enemy or their competitor.  There is also no doubt that the use of the atomic bomb during World War II ended that phase of the war. Of course, it was to be followed by a world in which many nations have and can threaten to use nuclear weapons.
 
There is also no doubt that giant companies have forced their competitors out of business and have ended up with a monopoly or a near monopoly and, thus, very large profits.
 
I am suggesting that long term what is being labeled as winning is, in fact, losing.
 
Part of the genius of the 12-step recovery program and the teachings of many wise, spiritual teachers is that we need to allow for the possible truth that the appearance of losing may often be winning.  When an addict is able to accept that once they engage in addictive behavior they are powerless to limit that behavior they can make the decision to quit attempting to be more powerful than the addiction and reclaim their life.   It was when Millard Fuller gave up his belief that more business power and money was winning that he was able to join his wife in putting relationships first. This then paved the road for them to found Habitat for Humanity.  
 
The teacher, Jesus, is alleged to have asked. what so many spiritual teachers have asked, “What profits a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?”  (Matthew and Mark). The Buddha is alleged to have said, “It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” (brainyquote.com)
 
Many terrorists believe that he or she is doing the will of the God of their understanding by destroying “the infidel.”  If they die doing the will of the God of their understanding, then they will be rewarded in the afterlife.  Thus, if one kills them they win.  If they die killing the infidel, then they win.  They win every stage of the battle no matter what the seeming outcome of the war which goes on indefinitely.   Actually, their belief is not that much different than that of many of those who die fighting them.  If a member of the Allied forces dies killing the enemy, he or she is lauded as a hero for giving their life for the greater good.  Both the terrorists and those fighting them are operating with an us-them approach.  Long term there is no way for either side to win the never-ending war with that approach.
 
The paradox of step one of the 12 step program is that by accepting one’s powerlessness over the addiction one gains the power to craft a life journey of which one can be proud and which allows one to be part of a “we”.  When one is in active addiction one is an individual among many individuals., but never part of a we. 
 
As long as we accept the invitation to be the enemy of the terrorist we will continue to lose the war.  We may temporarily win a battle but we will never win the war. The paradox is only when we embrace the terrorist as our brother/sister that they will stop their terrorists activities.   Does this mean that we must passively allow current terrorists to kill one?  I do not think so, but I do think it means that we have to stop reacting to the violence of the terrorists with violence.   In the documentary, “The Gatekeepers” all of the past Israeli intelligences chiefs interviewed arrived at the same conclusions.  One of those conclusion is that once a military action starts the goal is to punish and win.  The goal is not justice.   In other words, once we engage in a battle with a drug or another person(as) the battle takes on a life of its own with goals having nothing to do with justice or the sacredness of the individuals involved.
 
It may sound simple minded to suggest that we defeat those we have labeled the enemy by embracing them as our brother/sister, but that is exactly what I believe needs to happen.  Whether we are exploring our relationship with the environment, the universe(s) and a particular person, group or thing we have labeled the enemy we will only win by not trying to destroy or out bully the enemy.  We will only have power by admitting we are powerless.
 
Written August 23, 2017  

​Grandma says:  “You get what you pay for.”
 
Since I have adopted the habit of devoting one blog a week to the wisdom of Grandma Fannie I have became more aware of how much of my life is directed by her wisdom.
 
For example, on more than one occasion I have elected to “save money” by purchasing something at a price which seemed a terrific bargain.  More times that I care to admit, I quickly discovered that my bargain purchase was designed to last until I got it home and then, as if it was part of a James Bond movie, go into automatic destruct mode. As soon as that happens, I hear Grandma Fannie saying, “You get what you pay for.”
 
Grandma Fannie could stretch a penny further than most people could stretch hundreds of dollars.  As an adult, I think about the fact that although Grandma Fannie canned a lot of food, there were still supplies that had to be purchased including the jars, lids, pressure cooker, and some of the ingredients (i. e. vinegar for pickles).  She also purchased, flour, sugar and I think Crisco or lard although some lard may have been pork or beef fat.  Additionally, she had to purchase baby chickens, seeds and at times a new cow or pig.  Yet, no matter how many people came to visit she had food to feed them.  If anyone left her home hungry it was not because there was a scarcity of food.   There was also furniture, fountain pens, a piano, stationary, books, gas for the car to visit sick friends and relatives, and many other items that she and Grandpa Ed must have purchased.   I do know that in later years Grandpa got a small railroad pension and they both, got a  small social security check.  I also know that Grandma Fannie sold extra eggs and cream although there was always fresh cream and an endless supply of eggs still left at her house.
 
I often ask myself, “Was Jesus or some magician at work here turning one loaf of bread into many or turning a one dollar bill into a hundred?” I do know that the money was managed by Grandma Fannie.  More than once I heard her remind Grandpa Ed that he has failed to repay a nickel he has “borrowed”. 
 
I am tempted, now that I am in my 7th decade, to suggest that “There must have been more money than I thought or they just do not make things like they used to”.  While those things could be true, I also then recall Grandma Fannie saying, “You get what you pay for.”   Somehow Grandma Fannie seemed to know without the internet, the value of quality,  whether it was purchasing a cream separator, a car, shoes, a purse. a piece of furniture or ingredients for cooking/canning.  Much of what she bought would, for the most part, last much longer than her life span.
 
I am also aware that in those days one did not expect to purchase everything on credit. One bought one item at a time when one had saved the money. One might put something on lay-a-way, but one did not bring the item home until it was paid for in full.
 
As was the case with many of her wise reminders, this saying of hers also seemed to apply to non-material possessions. She seemed to think or believe that if one wanted a healthy relationship, a beautiful flower garden, a well written letter, good spiritual habits, or an inviting church one invested a lot a lot time and energy to insure a quality outcome.  Obviously, she knew that one could not control another person, but she made sure she made a significant investment.  When another person was unable to hold up their end of the relationship she quit investing energy – other than prayers of course.   She and Grandpa got divorced for a time and only remarried when she decided that this was a good investment.  Later she would claim that she remarried partly because she did not want him to grow older and be alone.  In fact he died well before she did. She did nurse him after cancer came to visit and eventually claim his life.
 
When I returned to Wheeling to live with only a couple of pieces of furniture I again knew that Grandma Fannie would suggest that I purchase good quality used furniture rather than inexpensive new furniture which would not wear well.  I know that every time I ignore Grandma’s Fannie’s wisdom she takes up residence and gives me the same sort of lecture she used to deliver when giving my siblings and I a quarter.  I was convinced that there was some disparity between the worth of the quarter and the length of the lecture, but then Grandma Fannie was not one to pass up on opportunity to “teach”.
 
It seems to this simple mind that as individuals, communities and as a nation we would do well to heed Grandma Fannie’s advice. Perhaps it is just the perspective of an aging man, but it does seem to me that we are a nation which is often focused on short term gratification and long term disaster. Perhaps focusing on quality would give us better results in all areas of our life. This might entail practicing patience and doing without at times but perhaps the results would be better long term.  Certainly, Grandma Fannie would say, “You get what you pay for.”
 
Thanks  Grandma Fannie.
 
 
Written August 21, 2017

​Responding in  love   - For real!
 
The daily challenge for me is walking the walk.  I certainly know how I ideally want to treat myself, others and the universe.  I totally agree with Ruby Sales when she suggests that there is no room for hate. I also agree with her when she suggests that the most important questions we can often ask is “Where does it hurt?” (Where Does It Hurt is the title of a conversation between Krista Tippett and Ruby Sales on On Being)  Yet, I often fall short of my stated goals. Just yesterday I was twice challenged to walk the walk.
 
The first challenge occurred when I found out after the fact that a client with/for whom I had been working as part of the volunteer work I do at a treatment program had left the program and, thus would not be keeping is appointment with me.   I was frustrated that I had not been invited to be part of the decision and/or had not been informed of the decisions since it affected me emotionally and it affected my schedule.  The unfortunate staff member who told me this information was not responsible for the decision to release this young man or for informing me.  Yet, she got the full blunt of my frustrating anger.  I immediately knew that my anger was in appropriate and unkind.  That staff member was busy and, thus, I could not call her back,  but I did apologize to the director of the treatment program while also letting her know that I wanted our communication to be better in the future.  She gave a very kind and helpful response.  I felt very bad about how I responded to the staff member and will personally make amends to her.  Once again I fell short of my goal of responding with love and not judgment.  I am well aware that this treatment center has very limited staff. They accomplish a lot with limited resources.  Since this is a  12-step based treatment program it was appropriate for me to think of the 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th steps.   I was just saying to a client yesterday that I am acutely aware of the need to constantly attempt to apply these steps in all my affairs as the 12th step suggests.   Obviously, I do not need to continue to beat myself with a wet noodle. The goal of working the steps is to be accountable and to change my future behavior.
 
The second event to which I have yet to respond was even more challenging. It was/is a response to a blog published on August 18, 2017 entitled “The Right to Hate and be Hateful” which was focused on the recent violence in Charlottesville. My first thought was to point by point debate her viewpoint – her version of reality. My second thought was the challenge by Ruby Sales to ask, “Where does it hurt?”  Then I asked myself how I would ask this question without seeming to be condescending or self righteous. I am still attempting to figure out how to do this. It would seem to me that the person is stating that:
 

• The counter demonstrators have no respect for the history of the South and, thus, no respect for Southerners. They are being hateful.
• The counter demonstrators act as if they are better than/less sinful than/less guilty than those that they were demonstrating against. 
• The African Americans want to be victims rather than being responsible while white people are expected to be responsible.

 
Obviously, if I am hearing this person accurately she is speaking about not only her hurt, but the hurt of all those who she thinks are being vilified.  Feeling as if one is being attacked, disrespected and judged has to be very hurtful. I need to find a way to respect that hurt and respond to that hurt with love.  This does not mean that I have to agree with her or condescendingly pretend to agree with her. That also would not be honest or respectful.  
 
I need to accept responsibility for the fact that although I thought I was being very clear about the following in my blog, I apparently was not.  Perhaps I can be clearer about the following:
 

• Slavery/oppression is wrong.
• We can only be responsible for what we in this country have done. Although slavery did not originate in the United States, we did buy, sell and use people as if they were objects and not people.
• We can agree to honor those who fought for what they believed while recognizing that statues of certain people may be experienced as symbolic of the acceptance of ongoing racism and, thus may be better exhibited and viewed in museums.
• All of us need to teach our children not to accept the label of victim and how to claim one’s rightful place in society.  What are we, as adults doing or not doing to contribute to the significant number of our children who are dying from racism, homophobia, addiction, and other socially constructed diseases?
• Can we agree that hate and hateful statements will not help us create a more just and peaceful society?

 
I am including her comments although I am not including her name in this blog.  I welcome helpful feedback about what I/we can do to promote conversations which lead to solutions and an end to violence of all types.
 
Written August 19, 2017
 
SD: ‪ There were many groups of people the white supremacist wanted to protect the monuments and the blm and liberals wanted to destroy the monuments- both sides were at fault- then from both sides there were the calm set down protesters !! Our president said this !! Because he didn't put down just the white supremacist !! The lefts democrats the liberals the blm are angery !!! Reality he addressed all ! At the end a car killed - white supremacist - and the liberals blm destroyed a monument !! Protesting for the past few years - have destroyed destruction stealing Robbing killing the police ‪👮 yet that's ok !!!! We the people sick of double standards - get down to it --- who were the slave owner ???? Democrats! Sooo should all democrats be destroyed????? History is history !!! Slave is no more - slavery in that era existed everywhere not just USA - American Indians had their slaves - Africa was the biggest slave owners ! Money on their heads - brought them here !!! Slavery not isolated in blacks - red yellow white and black slaves in that era - this crying is set it in the past and become part of society quit blaming !! The blacks are afraid they need to become part of society = working schooling productivity - no longer use slavery as their crutch !!! These protester don't want to let go of their crutch !!!! Burn it

​Sunday Musings – August 20, 2017
 
Here in Wheeling, WV on this Sunday morning I sit on the large covered porch alternately attending to the sounds of the traffic on West Virginia Route 2 and I470 and the chatter of the many birds who make their home in the enormous evergreen trees (fir I think) which are nearby.  From somewhere a cool breeze has come to drive away the hot, humid air.   This breeze tickles and wakes up my skin. 
 
I am very aware that I am in Wheeling, West Virginia. The line by Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz comes to mind, “Toto I’ve a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.”  Last Sunday I was in Los Angeles sitting in my son’s apartment writing before heading to the gym. I am certainly not in Los Angeles anymore.  Yet, the reality of traveling has always seemed like magic.  It certainly feels as if I should be able to meet up with my son today and then later with he and his girlfriend.  In my mind tele transporting is as simple as clicking my heels.   Yet, of course, I know in actual time and space this is not true today.
 
Whether in Los Angeles or Wheeling, Sunday is the day to review my week and reset my spiritual clock.  As my friend Dr.  Johnen would say, “Each day is a new beginning.”  I ask myself, what can I learn or relearn today.”
 
A client said to me yesterday, “It is so simple. Why didn’t I realize that?”  He certainly had the knowledge (the tools) and has often used those tools/that knowledge in many areas of his life. Yet, it seems as if many of us reserve some tools for particular jobs.  Many of us have our work tools, our home tools, our relationship tools, our personal care tools, and our spiritual care tools.   It is often as if we keep them in separate rooms in our head and can only use them for a task in the room in which they are kept.  While we may be skilled at generalizing in terms of racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, religion and other ways of justifying our hurtful and unhelpful behavior toward each other, we may not generalize our use of tools or skills.  We may, for example. tell ourselves we do not know how to do something in our life outside of the workplace that we are highly skilled at doing in the workplace.
 
Often what I do for myself and for others is a simple reminder that we already have the tools to do what we need to do.
 
As I think about that last statement and this past week here in the United States, I am acutely aware that we all have what we need to refrain from getting sucked into the drama which seems to want to come tumbling into our lives.  The political, economic, social, and spiritual drama arrives via print, voice and the internet.  Even Alexa, if I am not careful, will bring some of the drama into my home.   I am very aware that I have this week, on more than one occasion, allowed myself to both get sucked into the drama and have, at times, been the creator of drama.  Almost always when I create drama it is a response to the fact that I am powerless over some person, place or thing.  Not only do I sometimes create drama as a response to my powerlessness, but I create drama by responding as if a situation or event is about me. It may indeed affect me but it is never about me.
 
Today I want to remind myself that as an individual, community member and a citizen of the United States I have a choice about creating drama or accepting an invitation to drama.
 
Today I am in Wheeling, WV living in the later part of the 7th decade of my life enjoying a luxurious life – plenty to eat, a nice home and office, a job for which I have a passion and access to friends, health care and opportunities for growth.  That is a lot for which to be grateful. I have all the tools I need.  I can refuse invitations to drama and I can choose to refrain from creating drama.
 
For today that is enough. 
 
Written August 20, 2017