Respect, Grace and Humility
My morning began as does most Monday mornings. I got up, shaved, showered and dressed for the gym, took my morning medications and got a cup of coffee. Then I sat down to do emails and text messages for about forty minutes. On Monday I first look for the weekly blog of my friend and colleague, Dr. Becky Johnen. This morning the title of the blog was “Lessons Learned Outside Our Comfort Zone” (authorbeckyjohnen.wordpress.com) In this blog Becky reminds us that growth requires that we move outside of our comfort zone to do something we are not used to doing. That could be a new skill, an activity, a thought or a new approach to an old issue. She quotes Brian Tracy as saying that we can only grow if we are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable. She also quotes Thomas Edison who reminded us that what we sometimes call failing is finding what does not work.
Dr. Johnen also forwarded a link to an article, which appeared in the Washington Post by Terrence McCoy on May 6 about the work of work of psychologist Sam Tsemberis who has a “novel” approach to the issue of homelessness. His answer is simple. He is quoted as saying, “Give homes for the homeless, and you will solve chronic homelessness.” What is more he suggests that we “give homes to addict and drunks and schizophrenics without preconditions.” He also reminds us that homeless services often works as a reward system for kicking an addition, getting counseling, taking medication or some other worthwhile endeavor. Mr. Tdemberis is suggesting that we have got it backwards. He suggests that first we give someone a home and then provide counseling and other assistance. Further he suggests giving them a final say in everyfhing– where they live, what they own, how often they are counseled.
I have always been mystified by the seeming expectations and often “demands’ that sick people act well before they receive help. I have worked with the chronic homeless, the chronic mentally ill, the person who cannot seem to stay in recovery, the person who keeps ending up back in jail and the person who does not want to pray before being allowed to eat. When I have worked within the structure of an organization too often the organization punished sick people for missing appointments, not following their evidence based goals, or not following other rules, which we may have framed as recommendations.
When “they” do not “behave” we label them as non-compliant. When I attempt to explain to other clinicians or service providers why non-compliance is such an unacceptable term I often encounter confusion Resistance is another term that I recommend we do not use. If we have to use a term, let’s use the term adherence, which, by definition, was coined to mean a tentative plan drafted by the service provider and the person being served. When that plan does not work, there is no blame –just the acknowledgement that a more effective plan is needed.
I was thinking this morning of the word respect which “dictionary.com” defines as “A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by his or her abilities, qualities, or achievements.”
As Mr. Tsemberis points out surviving on the streets takes a lot of skills. Surviving as a drug addict takes a lot of skills. I have often admired the level of skill demonstrated by many of “the least of these”. They have skills that I do not come close to possessing. I am often in awe of those skills.
Later this same morning I was reading an article about the meeting between Raul Castrol and Pope Francis. Mr. Castro is quoted as saying, “I read all the speeches of the pope, his commentaries, and if the pope continues this way I will go back to praying and go back to the church. I’m not joking,” he said.” (St. Petersburg Tribune, May 11, 2015, page 9). I find this a pretty amazing statement. What is that the pope has said or done which could be so impressive to Mr. Castro? I looked up some of the quotes of Pope Francis on google and found:
Although the life of a person is in a land full of thorns and weeds,
there is always a space in which the good seed can grow. You
have to trust God.
A little bit of mercy makes the world less cold and more just.
Grace is not a part of consciousness; it is the amount of light
in our souls, not knowledge or reason.
If one has the answer to all the questions – that is the proof
that God is not with him. It means that he is a false prophet
using religious for him. The great leaders of the people of
God, like Moses, have always left room for doubt. You most leave
room for the Lord, not for certainties; we must be humble.
I see the church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to
ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and
about the level of his blood sugars. You have to heal his wounds.
Then we can talk about everything else.
On could go on and on, In fact I downloaded seven pages of such quotes by Pope Francis. Although I do not agree with many of the teachings and practices of the Catholic Church, I trust Pope Francis in his attempt to reclaim the simple faith that we humans respond with respect for and with each other. I cannot find any evidence that Jesus, Buddha or another spiritual teacher that I respect required a person to act a certain way before an embrace was extended. Whether Jesus was talking to the prostitute or Judas, he merely said, “Oh Jim, come here, let me give you a hug.”
While my experience tells me that we humans are going to act like humans; that addicts are going to act like addicts; that homeless people living on the street are going to respond with doubt and caution, that the professional criminal is going to find it difficult to trust, that the Christian might find it difficult to trust the Muslim and the Muslim might find it difficult to trust the Christian, we must start with respect. My experience also tells me that false respect is always identified by the streetwise person and by the person living at a survival level. If we are offering pity than than the person will know that and will respond with distrust and even contempt.
We spend millions of dollars on jails, the legal system overall, on police forces and on systems to identify those who are not deserving of our help; those who do not obey all the rules or who are not appropriately grateful for the leftover crumbs. What I understand Pope Francis, Father Gregory Boyle, the Mother Theresa’s of the world, and the Sam Tsemberis’ of the world to be suggesting is that we start with respect. I suspect that true respect could also be defined as love. It really is quite simple. Even the person whose mental illness is not responsive to any known treatment deserves our love and respect. They may need restrained and to be housed in a safe space, but they deserve our love and respect. We would want that for our brothers, our sisters, our children, our parents, our neighbors, and ourselves. Truly we can be that sister or brother or neighbor, or parent or child. Truly that person can be us.
My morning began as does most Monday mornings. I got up, shaved, showered and dressed for the gym, took my morning medications and got a cup of coffee. Then I sat down to do emails and text messages for about forty minutes. On Monday I first look for the weekly blog of my friend and colleague, Dr. Becky Johnen. This morning the title of the blog was “Lessons Learned Outside Our Comfort Zone” (authorbeckyjohnen.wordpress.com) In this blog Becky reminds us that growth requires that we move outside of our comfort zone to do something we are not used to doing. That could be a new skill, an activity, a thought or a new approach to an old issue. She quotes Brian Tracy as saying that we can only grow if we are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable. She also quotes Thomas Edison who reminded us that what we sometimes call failing is finding what does not work.
Dr. Johnen also forwarded a link to an article, which appeared in the Washington Post by Terrence McCoy on May 6 about the work of work of psychologist Sam Tsemberis who has a “novel” approach to the issue of homelessness. His answer is simple. He is quoted as saying, “Give homes for the homeless, and you will solve chronic homelessness.” What is more he suggests that we “give homes to addict and drunks and schizophrenics without preconditions.” He also reminds us that homeless services often works as a reward system for kicking an addition, getting counseling, taking medication or some other worthwhile endeavor. Mr. Tdemberis is suggesting that we have got it backwards. He suggests that first we give someone a home and then provide counseling and other assistance. Further he suggests giving them a final say in everyfhing– where they live, what they own, how often they are counseled.
I have always been mystified by the seeming expectations and often “demands’ that sick people act well before they receive help. I have worked with the chronic homeless, the chronic mentally ill, the person who cannot seem to stay in recovery, the person who keeps ending up back in jail and the person who does not want to pray before being allowed to eat. When I have worked within the structure of an organization too often the organization punished sick people for missing appointments, not following their evidence based goals, or not following other rules, which we may have framed as recommendations.
When “they” do not “behave” we label them as non-compliant. When I attempt to explain to other clinicians or service providers why non-compliance is such an unacceptable term I often encounter confusion Resistance is another term that I recommend we do not use. If we have to use a term, let’s use the term adherence, which, by definition, was coined to mean a tentative plan drafted by the service provider and the person being served. When that plan does not work, there is no blame –just the acknowledgement that a more effective plan is needed.
I was thinking this morning of the word respect which “dictionary.com” defines as “A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by his or her abilities, qualities, or achievements.”
As Mr. Tsemberis points out surviving on the streets takes a lot of skills. Surviving as a drug addict takes a lot of skills. I have often admired the level of skill demonstrated by many of “the least of these”. They have skills that I do not come close to possessing. I am often in awe of those skills.
Later this same morning I was reading an article about the meeting between Raul Castrol and Pope Francis. Mr. Castro is quoted as saying, “I read all the speeches of the pope, his commentaries, and if the pope continues this way I will go back to praying and go back to the church. I’m not joking,” he said.” (St. Petersburg Tribune, May 11, 2015, page 9). I find this a pretty amazing statement. What is that the pope has said or done which could be so impressive to Mr. Castro? I looked up some of the quotes of Pope Francis on google and found:
Although the life of a person is in a land full of thorns and weeds,
there is always a space in which the good seed can grow. You
have to trust God.
A little bit of mercy makes the world less cold and more just.
Grace is not a part of consciousness; it is the amount of light
in our souls, not knowledge or reason.
If one has the answer to all the questions – that is the proof
that God is not with him. It means that he is a false prophet
using religious for him. The great leaders of the people of
God, like Moses, have always left room for doubt. You most leave
room for the Lord, not for certainties; we must be humble.
I see the church as a field hospital after battle. It is useless to
ask a seriously injured person if he has high cholesterol and
about the level of his blood sugars. You have to heal his wounds.
Then we can talk about everything else.
On could go on and on, In fact I downloaded seven pages of such quotes by Pope Francis. Although I do not agree with many of the teachings and practices of the Catholic Church, I trust Pope Francis in his attempt to reclaim the simple faith that we humans respond with respect for and with each other. I cannot find any evidence that Jesus, Buddha or another spiritual teacher that I respect required a person to act a certain way before an embrace was extended. Whether Jesus was talking to the prostitute or Judas, he merely said, “Oh Jim, come here, let me give you a hug.”
While my experience tells me that we humans are going to act like humans; that addicts are going to act like addicts; that homeless people living on the street are going to respond with doubt and caution, that the professional criminal is going to find it difficult to trust, that the Christian might find it difficult to trust the Muslim and the Muslim might find it difficult to trust the Christian, we must start with respect. My experience also tells me that false respect is always identified by the streetwise person and by the person living at a survival level. If we are offering pity than than the person will know that and will respond with distrust and even contempt.
We spend millions of dollars on jails, the legal system overall, on police forces and on systems to identify those who are not deserving of our help; those who do not obey all the rules or who are not appropriately grateful for the leftover crumbs. What I understand Pope Francis, Father Gregory Boyle, the Mother Theresa’s of the world, and the Sam Tsemberis’ of the world to be suggesting is that we start with respect. I suspect that true respect could also be defined as love. It really is quite simple. Even the person whose mental illness is not responsive to any known treatment deserves our love and respect. They may need restrained and to be housed in a safe space, but they deserve our love and respect. We would want that for our brothers, our sisters, our children, our parents, our neighbors, and ourselves. Truly we can be that sister or brother or neighbor, or parent or child. Truly that person can be us.
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