​If only i were as good as the illusion which hides how worthless I feel
 
Robert Enright in his book Forgiveness is a choice , A Step by Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope reminds the reader that forgiveness is for the one doing the forgiving; that holding on to anger and hopelessness for self, a relationship or the community does not improve the emotional, physical or spiritual health of anyone.   Sadly us humans are a species who often:

• Expect others to validate their worth.
• Hide their own insecurity by devising a complicated system for assigning sin/bad/immoral/wrong points to the deeds of others.
• Put on a costume of wealth, power, things, clothes, body augmentations, or toughness to disguise  insecurity.
• Hide behind a drug or psychological induced numbness.

 
The 12-step program reminds its members:  “None of these were sufficient.” and “We always take us with us.”    All too often that “us’ is angry, resentful, numb and just plain miserable.   Us is miserable to ourselves and to others.  When one is holding on to this us one may feel as if one  is covered in so much dirt and grime no number  of showers with a GI wire brush will be sufficient to cleanse one.  Yet, simultaneously one may expect others to see a body covered in diamonds.
 
If one is sick and tired of being sick and tired; if one is exhausted from carrying around anger and resentment; if one has worn out the self-flagellation leather whip on oneself then it may be time to try on some new “truths”.  For example:

• All of us humans have much more in common than differences.
• If one wants unconditional love one has to give it.
• One is not more than or less than.
• The deeds of others are not responsible for one’s unhappiness.
• The expectation that the behavior of others  determines one happiness or contentment only adds to one’s own misery.
• All humans are equally deserving of love and acceptance.

 
 
At some point in my young adulthood I had an eureka moment.   I realized that I could spend a lifetime waiting for certain people to give me the unconditional love I needed to prove I was worthwhile or I could give to others what I wanted.   Of course I had known of “the golden rule” since I was a young child, but still I had waited for others to act the way they  “should” act before I would release them from my anger and resentment. At the same time I would withhold unconditional love from myself until others gave it to me.   My first experiment was treating those with whom I was angry with unconditional love.   The second experiment which took a few more years  was to treat myself with whom I was angry and resentful with unconditional love.    All that dirt and grime began to wash away. 
 
Of course, being the human I am I still have moments of anger and resentment toward others and myself but there is always that loud, internal  voice reminding me it is safe, sensible, and “moral” to  let go of anger and resentment and replace with unconditional love.   This does not ensure that others give unconditional love back but it does give me the internal peace I crave.   Internalized anger and resentment are very destructive to self and to others.  Indeed “Forgiveness is a choice.”  It is also a gift to ourselves as well as others.
 
Written July 31, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​So you want to be  a part of this family
 
Perhaps one of the most difficult challenges for many of us is responding to  family member with love when their behavior does not match our expectations.   Often we  may accuse family members of doing something to us when, in fact, their behavior affected us but was not about us. Too often us parents directly or indirectly say to our children, “How could you do this do me when I have worked so hard to make sure that you had opportunities I did not have?”  The decisions of our children may seem like their intent is to make us parents miserable.  If fact, at times, that may be their intent but the “reason” for their behavior  - the reason for their reacting instead of acting – has nothing to do with the parents.  If any of us react, instead of act it is because we do not have the courage to follow our own path or we are fearful that we cannot succeed  in the area or endeavor in which we are now engaged.
 
This morning I had a person called me about her brother who has relapsed with his drug addiction – addiction to drugs has again kidnapped him,  One family member was angry because of the discovery that the addicted person has stolen something again.  Another family member was indignant because the other was angry and not sympathetic.   Another family member is indifferent  or wrapped up in her own life issue.  The person who called me felt as if she had to defend her brother and criticize the angry person for caring more about things than her brother.   The fact is that each family member is handling their pain, fear, grief, and exhaustion the best they can.  This family has lived with addiction in one form or another for a very long time.
 
I attended a wedding recently of a bridge and groom who had many friends and relatives from whom to choose bridesmaids, person of honor, best man and groomsmen.  Obviously not everyone could be chosen.  Most friends and family members were not going to be chosen.  Other than eloping and skipping a formal wedding there is no fair way to choose the wedding party. Some might think one starts first with siblings who are able to attend.  Some might think that one collects all the names in a hat and chooses those whose names are drawn. 
 
Family members are constantly making choices based on a great many factors; factors which may be a hidden from other family member or even from the person making the decision. 
 
The temptation is to personalize the decision saying to oneself or even to other family members that the decision was unfair, unkind, thoughtless, or even cruel.  This is likely to cause harsh feelings and may even end in family members not speaking to one another, each telling the other that they were wrong in what they did or did not so.
 
The truth is:
 

• One has no control over other family members or any other person.
• Family members are going to make the best decisions they can from their perspective.
• Holding on to resentments or hurt feelings punishes those holding on to these feelings.
• Family members are very human and, thus, not perfect.
• We do not have to be “right” or wait for other family members to apologize and say that we were right and they were wrong.
• My expectations of how others should behave will often lead to disappointment.
• The only power we have is to treat others the way we want to be treated – the golden rule. If I want unconditional love I have to be willing to give it to myself and to others. I have no control over whether other family members give me unconditional love.  My only job (power) is to give it.

 
Written July 30, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Sunday Musings  - July 28, 2019
 
It is a lovely day in Wheeling, West Virginia.  Some areas enjoyed a rain shower earlie. Now there is not a cloud in sight which means many members of the community will enjoy the last day of the  Italian and Greek festivals.   Yesterday I was at a local park where friends were getting married.   We saw many other couples who were also sharing their commitment to each other and asking for the support of family and friends as they begin this new phase of their lives.  Some of the marriages will last many years. Others will be short lived.  Of course, I am hopeful that my friends will be able to hold fast to their commitment as each of them pursue careers, assume community responsibilities and nurture various friendships with parents, extended biological family and intentional families.   If  they have children, honoring that commitment will be especially important.  Honoring that commitment does not always mean that a couple remains married.   Many factors can affect whether a couple can best nurture themselves, each other and children if they have any as a couple or whether they continue their journey in separate homes.  Sometime we can be more nurturing and supportive living separately.  If each is to continue a journey of  emotional and spiritual growth one cannot predict the  next chapters.   One cannot predict what one will discover about oneself and the tough decisions each may face.    Sometimes one feels a strong call to honor a part of oneself of which one was not aware or which one thought one could ignore.   
 
Sadly many friends and family will find that they cannot honor their commitment to the couple to be there through the tough times.  Many will find themselves supporting one person at the expense of other.   Many will find themselves judging the actions of one member of this couple.  Some will be forced to advise a person to get out of an emotional and/or physically abusive relationship.    Some will be asked to listen to the anguish cries of those having to make tough decisions because of acute illness, the effects of being in combat or the effect of getting kidnapped by addiction to alcohol, other drugs, power, sex, ambition or other persons, places or things.  Our job as friends and family will not always be easy just as the job of our friends and family is not easy.  
 
Whether our commitment is to a couple, an individual, a family or a community the challenge is to love unconditionally while honoring sometimes harsh realities.  Chronic, acute illness which may result in emotional and physical abuse as well as absence can dictate that a couple temporarily or permanently separate and possibly divorce.   When, for whatever reason,  one or both members of a marriage relationship cannot be present in any meaningful way the marriage may no longer exist.    One is tempted to treat marriage relationships in terms of the legal contract.  Although many religious institutions proclaim the marriage relationship to be a spiritual  one, representatives of those religions often treat it a legal entity.   A legal document may dictate the division of shared property and the care of dependent children and financial rights, it cannot and does not create or maintain a marriage in any emotional or spiritual sense.  
 
The challenge to those of us who have committed to honor and support the two people who  are now married is to do so without judgment but will a willingness to get our hands dirty.  We may have to physically and financially help one or the other members of this new couple and/or their children.  We may have to help one of them get to a domestic violence shelter or we may need open the door and keep the guest room ready for one of them. We may have to lovingly confront the  one who is violent, addicted, or otherwise ill.    Yet, our commitment is to do so with love and not with judgement.
 
Love is a lifetime commitment. Living together is not always possible.  Unconditional love, although not easy, is possible.
 
Written July 28l 2019
Jimmy  F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

The crime of being ill
 
Although there has been progress towards treating addiction as an illness and a consequent focus on treatment and drug court, it remains easy for many to react to the acutely negative symptoms of the illness with judgment and blame.  
 
Again this morning I was reading a local newspaper account of the arrest and criminal  charges again 4 people.   According to the article several facts were established:
 

• 4 children ages 1 -7 were not being cared for and, in fact, had what appeared to be infected bug bites and showed other signs of mistreatment and neglect.
• There was clear evidence that there was drug abuse – hopefully just  by the adults.
• There was clear evidence that the 4 adults arrested were unable to care for the children or themselves.

 
The sheriff of the county In which they were arrested is quoted as saying:  “Just another sad case of people who’s got kids and not making it(it a) priority to take care of the kids and, to me, I know and don’t and all my deputies don’t care who you are, “he said. “If you don’t take care of your kids and we’re going to make sure that they are taken care of. And if so, we’re going to put you in jail…There is nothing more valuable that our children…”
 
I am not suggesting the sheriff and the deputies are bad people.  They do not make the laws although they can have a role in changing the laws.  Obviously, when parents are unable to take care of their children we, as a community, need to lend a helping hand. It does need to be easier to lovingly assume responsibility for the care of children when the health of the parents does not allow them, relatives or,  hired help (for those who can afford it) to  treat the children as the sacred people they are.   The assumption seems to be that the adults have choices and the children do not.   Any illness which affects how the brain functions can affect both the physical and/or mental ability for their caretakers to adequately care for themselves and their children.   No one chooses to have an illness.  Many people have poor diets, get little exercise, have no emotional or spiritual health care practice and, yet, manage to retain custody of their children.  Many people with alcohol and other recreational/mind altering drugs and do not get addicted or even dependent on them to function.  Many people are born with a built-in switch which says stop drinking or using other mind-altering drugs when one has other responsibility at home, work or in the community.    Many people are learn effective, safe coping mechanisms from parents, teachers, and others.   
 
No one decides to have an addictive disorder or other mental illness. One may decide to drink, use other mind-altering drugs, seek repeated escape through sexual encounters, chase money, things or power as a way of attempting to cope honestly believing that they can make a decision to stop and change courses if and when the behavior negatively affects their ability to function.  The non-addict can do this with relative ease. The addict brain cannot do this because it is so altered or because they never learned the skills to deal with life on life terms.  It is a fact that humans and other animals will take care of themselves the best they know how and/or the best they car with how their brain is functioning.   If the ability to make decisions is acutely affected by an illness then others in the community need to be able to step in and provide treatment and whatever assistance is needed,    In the case of the 4 children the sheriff and his deputies found, they need to be removed and taken to a hospital.   As the sheriff said the children are valuable.   What the Sheriff did not say was the 4 adults are also valuable.  They need treatment. If any one cannot respond positively to treatment then they may need long term care,  and possibly supervised visits with the children.  In some cases the children may need to be permanented given to another community member(s) to raise. 
 
It often seems as if as children become adults they are no longer valuable unless they are free of illness which affects their cognitive ability – free of mental illness and other medical condition which affect the brain - the right color, religion, gender, sexual orientation and can enhance the lives who those who already have already have what they need to function.
 
It is long past time that we use what science has confirmed; many factors affect how the brain functions and how and when someone may need a hand up; not labeled a criminal and treated as a bad, worthless person.  We could easily be that ill person.
 
Written July 27 2019
July 27, 2019
coachpickett.org

​Coming home
 
I have previously written about the fact that l fall in love many times every day.   This is not a Pollyanna, all is wonderful, falling in love.  For me, the falling in love sits alongside the many instances of us humans creatively discounting our shared humanness and, thus, our interdependence on each other and all the rest of the universe.    This morning I fell in love with Ross Gay as I listened to the conversation he and Krista Tippett had on the July 25, 2019 podcast of On Being.  “Ross Gay is a writer and professor of English at Indiana University Bloomington. His books include the poetry collection Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude, winner of the Kingsley Tufts Poetry Award, land a book of essays, The Book of Delights.  He is a board member of the Bloomington Community Orchard and a co-founder of The Tenderness Project.  Professor Gay finds much which delights him and, yet, he does not negate or deny the fact that his experience of a man who is often identified as black has, at times, been painful. 
 
Prior to listening to this podcast I been absorbing the fact in the past two days two people I know shared  about the death of a loved one.  One was a suicide directly related to depression and addiction. I am not sure about the second one but the person who told me is in recovery.  The first person called be from the psychiatric ward of a Pennsylvania hospital. He loved one committed suicide after he was admitted to the hospital because he was suicidal.   He is overcome with grief and  does not feel very connected to himself or to others in the recovery community of which he has been a member for a long time.  The second said. “…I am blessed to have another day.” The death of his son’s mother was a reminder to continue to do the work he does best which is loving and helping others.  This does not mean he is callous or not sad.  He is committed to living the serenity prayer while being there to comfort and be comforted. 
 
Yesterday a man at the gym was sharing the joy of hearing his 18-month-old daughter begin to experiment with saying “da da”.  
 
This morning I was scrubbing the covered porch and inhaling the closeness I feel with all the greens and browns which blanket the area around my porch.   
 
With Gay Ross, the fellow who feel blessed, the father of the young child and the blanket of green which surrounds my house I know I am at home.  Falling in love for me or being in love is not knowing where I leave off and the other parts of the universe including other people leave off.  Sometimes when making love, as opposed to having sex I  cannot tell whose limbs are whose. I feel so connected – so at home – that I know  we are one.  
 
Early this morning I was responding to an email letter from a friend who lives in Australia.  He shared about a book by Paul Fussell,The Great War and Modern Memory ,which details the intimacy males often share when in combat.   Gloria Emerson and many others have also written about the fact that if us men are doing something unquestionably masculine – combat, some professionals sports – we find it much easier to embrace and celebrate intimacy with each other.    Men and women in combat who allow themselves to fully experience and connect with  sunsets, sun rises, a moment with a friend, a letter from home or some items of food  tend to be able to live with the scars of combat.  
 
Celebrating the simple joys of connecting – of coming home – whether in the midst of grief, oppression or other times of despair – allows one to embrace this life journey and to do one ‘s part in creating a more just world – a more connected world in which we know  we are at home.
 
Written July 26, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

​Are we there yet?
 
Anyone who has been a parent, a teacher or a chaperone on a school trip with children know that one best be prepared for the frequently repeated question, “Are we there yet?”  Time moves very slowly for children especially if they are looking forward to some event or destination.  As we age time often moves much differently so much so that by the time we enter the last third of this journey we finally understand why some of our elders did not bother to put away the holiday decorations or the kosher dishes.   They knew that a year only took two minutes at most.  On the other hand, there are times when, even then, our experience of time is similar to that of a young child.   Ask any parent who is waiting for their adult child to reach bottom with their addiction to alcohol, other drugs, food or some other substance or behavior how quickly time moves.   Ask a refugee or anyone else whose needs and rights are seen by the current administration of the United States or another country  as a nuisance to be stamped out how quickly time moves.  He or she will respond that it is difficult to remember a time when those in a position of power even pretended to care about their rights.   Time is again moving very slowly.  When time moves so slowly and may even have seen to stop or go backwards, it is tough to hold on to hope or to feel as if anything one does will make a difference. Yet, that is precisely the time when one needs to hold on to hope; to remember that one person can make a difference; that one plus one equals two and two plus two equals four and soon 1000 plus 1000 equals 2000 and so forth.
 
It is true that we in the United States as well as those in all other countries have been waiting a very long time for leaders to recognize that all of us deserve to be treated with respect and dignity; that all of us have a right to decent, affordable housing, a livable wage, health care, good education for our children and the right to not have gender, race, religion, age or other social constructs to determine our access to those rights.   It is true humans have been feeding their fear that they are not enough at the expense of others since we evolved to our present state.
 
Here in the United States, we may loudly chant, “Make America great” again forgetting that for significant segments of our population the  United States has  never been great.  Time has moved slowly waiting for equal access to a decent income, housing, the right to marry who one chooses, health care and other basic rights.    In fact, for those who have been waiting for fair and just treatment, time now seems to be going backwards.  Once again, we may feel the same as that small child asking “Are we there yet?”   The answer has to be, “No we are not there yet.  Yes, time is moving backwards.  Yes, you are not invisible but viewed by many in power as a “damn spot” which needs to disappear.  Cries of “Send her back.” Or “Send them back.” taps the depth of weariness which threatens to keep many away from the polls or far from any semblance of hope.  Yet, we cannot afford to allow these feelings to swallow us.  We do have time. We can make a difference. Together we can resume our journey towards freedom; freedom to claim our place in the front of the bus.  There is no going back.  “Mr. President we are not going away. This is our home.”
 
Written July 24, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

​The personal is political.  The political is personal
 
I am sure every reader of this blog has heard someone say that they do are not interested in politics or politics does not affect them.  Oxford dictionary defined politics as “the activities involved in getting and using power in public life, and being able to influence decisions that affect a country or a society.”  In other words, quite simply, the political is all the action which determined how a community, a nation or a group of nations  live and work together.  As we all, know many factors affect whether the actions of elected and appointed individuals serve the needs of the entire body politic or whether the focus is primarily the needs of groups who already wield power or can purchase power and influence.
 
I understand why many believe that, as a private citizen who cannot afford to purchase power or who does not have information or some other form of currency to exchange for power believe that the body politic is not concerned with their concerns or needs.  Yet, as one reads history, it is obvious that every positive change is due to  one person or a small group of people being committed to making a change.  Often that small group of people morphs into a large group. 
 
Change always begins with the recognition that “the personal is political” and “the political is personal”.  Although feminists in the 1960s and 1970s did not coin the term and cannot take credit for an eureka moment, the phase was again brought to the forefront of thought and action in the 1960s and 1970s.   If change was to occur, at some level, some people had to again remind themselves and others that the body politic exists only to serve the common interest of all the people.  When some groups of people are being systematically denied basic rights including the right to food, clothing, heat/AC, health care, and a quality education it is up to the body politic – all of us – to assume our place of honor at the common table to make new decisions which are inclusive of the all the people including those neighbors who are fleeing violence.
 
The political is very personal for those who are denied sanctuary and an opportunity to raise their children in a safe environment. The political is very personal for those who are incarcerated. The political is very personal for those who receive a health care bill for ½ million dollar because an in-network dialysis center is not accessible. 
The political is very personal when access to good schools is based on property taxes. The personal is very political when history books used by schools leave out the history of certain races, genders and sexual orientations. The political is very personal when access to essential medication is predicated on the perceived right of a few people to get wealthy no matter who is damaged or left to die in the process. The political is very personal when food stamps and other assistance is cut by those who have gained wealth by systematically taking advantage of others.
 
The body politic is, by definition, composed of  representatives of all of us and not just those who can afford expensive lobbyist or who can afford expensive television and internet time.  Yet we know those whose candidacy for public office are not supported by big bucks and special interest have to work the old fashion way – person to person – door to door – neighbor to neighbor  - to have their voices heard.
 
The political is personal.  What we as a body politic decide or do not decide affects many other persons on a very individual level.  We are one body.  I have often posited that every action or inaction by every one of us affects the entire universe(s). I believe this to be true. If I believe this to be true I must be very intentional about every action I take realizing that whether holding an elected or appointment office or not I am a member of the body politic.  I have the right and the duty to speak out daily for myself and those who are so busy surviving that they do not have the energy or time to speak out.
 
Written July 23, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​The God boxes
 
I was listening to someone – probably on a podcast – the other day and I posted a note as I often do on my phone. The note said “God not religion.”   It seems us humans are determined to  find a box which will contain what we often call God or Allah or by some other names. We create synonyms out of the leaders of spiritual movements who proclaim our human purpose.  Unlike other animals – as far as we can determine – it is not enough that we show up, live at most a few decades, and die.   Us humans like to think that we are the most advanced of beings because we can create more prominent and visible evidence of our having been present.  From pyramids to sky scrapers to rockets which travel to the moon and other planets we are determined to mark our territory and act as if we are more than part of a magical universe or universes.   As a matter of fact we do leave art in the form of drawings, paintings, sculptures, music and  words woven into poems.  We claim all the atoms in all their various forms as our own to mold, shape, train and, in diverse ways to serve us. 
 
Philosophers and theologians attempt to create meaning or purpose beyond just being present as part of a whole; to explain the changing forms of energy as atoms are pressed together, stretched and ordered to serve our fragile human egos.  Some of those weak egos take the work of the Buddha, Jesus, The Prophet and various other seekers of truth and meaning, give them a form and sometimes a face, decorate them with the qualities they think will attract or frightens others of their fragile species and  proclaim the most efficient, fastest, most direct internet connection to the one god or even the one set of gods which are now boxed and sold as the true religion.  The ability, tenacity  or sheer desperation of humans now hold other frightened humans as hostage.  This is not difficult as fear seems to be a core quality of most of us humans.   We insist, “There has to be more than this moment of time.  How can I extend these moments of life in this form?  What will be the visible legacy to ensure that I am not forgotten?  True some will be remembered for a few generations or even until the next ice age or until planet earth is absorbed into the nether world of this and/or other universes.  
 
What then? Can we destroy God or the Gods by destroying this earth?  Does the whole of energy in all its form cease to exist when humans have wielded their last swing of the giant machete?   
 
If left to their old devices children will color outside the lines, use color and shape to depict the playful energy of atoms.  Children instinctively know the technique of pointillism.  Perhaps all children are direct descendants of Georges Seurat and Vincent van Gogh.  As we true for these artists, children know that the dots form all things and will change form from tree to flower to sky to buildings to hurt to joy to floating off to ….
 
Young children have not yet learned to box God.  Joy is joy. Despair is despair.  Laugher is laugher. Safe hugs are safe hugs.  They know until we tell them differently, “All the world is a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time plays many parts, (Google the compete speech of Jacques in Shakespeare’s play “As You Like It”)
 
Written July 22, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

​Sunday Musings – July 21, 2019
 
Record high temperatures in large sections of the world, ongoing starvation, great economic disparity, addiction to power and other signs of stress contrasted with simple acts of kindness come to mind this Sunday morning.   For many the greatness of a nation correlates with its ability to bully other nations and groups and the extent to which the economic indexes are high even though increasingly the 1 % control a large share of the economic wealth.  When listening to this week’s podcast of On Being with host Krista Tippett and her guest the applied philosopher Jonathan Rowson I was, once again, reminded of a simple statement:  “Economic models should be servants, not masters.”   I am fully aware that many equate economic wealth with personal and community success and even wealth.   Yet, we all know that, in the end, we are all going to die and indeed, “We cannot take it with us.”    When we can no longer avoid this core truth which we have perhaps known but not accepted we may begin to contemplate the legacy we will leave.   Some will feel a sense of accomplishment if they are leaving economic wealth in the form of currency or in the form of a business to their children and/or grandchildren.  Some with feel a sense of accomplishment if they leave many published books, musical composition, paintings or other art.   Yet, when many of us think of now deceased ancestors and others we admired and to whom we are indebted, we will think of simple acts of kindness, shared experiences such as reading separate books together, greeting the morning  weather, being awoken by a child crawling into bed with one, or falling in love with a person, poem, or idea.    Jonathan Rowson is now exploring with others what an economic system which did not have growth as its objective might look like.  One might then ask, “What is the opposite of growth?”  Is it economic stability?   The word economics itself calls up thoughts of complicated economic theories. In case the reader has not been in macro or micro economics class recently, one can google and get an initial list of 25 economic theories or approaches or a much longer list. Obviously, my goal is not to duplicate the information which is taught in undergraduate and graduate economic classes.  
 
Before one studies or debates economic theory it is important to answer Jonathan Rawson’s question of whether we want the theory to be the servant or the master.  This will bring us back to what I refer to as core values.  Core values determine for me who and what we consider “sacred” or “intrinsically” valuable/important.  If for example, I believe that relationships are primary, then relationships always trump tasks or systems.   For example, I just came from a restaurant where I visited with a friend over breakfast.  Obviously, I could have had breakfast at home. The point was to visit with my friend and incidentally have breakfast. Furthermore the visit to this restaurant was to not only visit with my friend, but an opportunity to treat the restaurant staff with love and respect.    In other words, eating out can be an opportunity to gather with neighbors.  While it is good that the restaurant business directly and indirectly provides jobs and continues to generate a tax base so that we can, as a communally. pay for the infrastructure which benefits all of us, the larger goal of whatever economic system one is using is to create a community in which all may enjoy the necessities such as food, basic clothing, emotional support and an infrastructure which helps to prevent disease and allows access to heat, air conditioning, and other essentials.
 
Because I am one of those who often benefit from the current economic system in the United States, it is easy for me to give lip service to an economic system which is the servant and not the master.  I must strive to be very intentional about being aware of the price for the advantages I enjoy but which the system denies others.  It is easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking I deserve the new, used car I purchased this week, the house and office which I do not share, the ability to have a freezer full of food and many other luxuries.  It is easy for me to make a big deal of minor inconveniences or any example of the world not recognizing that my needs are more important than those of others.
 
On this Sunday Sabbath morning my spiritual intention is to face the price  of the luxuries I enjoy but which, by design, denies other the basics.    I will not beat myself up, but I will  attempt to hold myself accountable and to ask the tough questions of what I am willing to do to institute a system which is more just and equitable.
 
Written July 21, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Moving mountains
 
One of the symptoms of clinical depression, addiction and many other medical issues is self-centeredness.     One’s attention is automatically focused on the pain (physical or emotional).   Addiction, for example,  says that if one gets more alcohol, drugs, sex, things, power, etc. one will feel better.  Indeed one does feel better for a brief time.  Then one feels worse and has new concerns because of the money needed to support one’s addiction and/or because of the resultant new relationships issues.  Depression, anxiety and other mental states lies to one about one’s ability to function and saps one’s energy so that it “feels” as if one cannot function.   
 
Any discomfort, including physical pain, is “normally” a signal from the body that one needs to do something to relieve the discomfort.  In the case of chronic conditions, including physical pain one can only safely do so much to lessen the discomfort.   If one, for example, takes large doses of pain medication or copious amounts of alcohol one may relieve the discomfort  but one will be so out of it that one’s has no quality of life. With treatable pain one’s body tenses up, one gets appropriate treatment, the body begins to heal and to relax.  With chronic emotional or physical pain one’s body alerts one but there may be no additional treatment which is safely effective.   One then tells that to one’s body, thanks it for the alert and tells the body it is safe to relax.  Until that time the body will stay tense.  The tenseness increases the area of depth of the pain.    Dr. Steve Levine calls this  learning to “be with the pain” as opposed to fighting it. 
 
Most often healing from traumatic emotional pain involves facing it, accepting that one cannot change the situation, grieving if needed and moving on.  This does not mean one forgets or  grieving is every “done” but healing does, in stages, happen. Running from the pain only keeps it in the forefront and creates new issues.
 
Fortunately there are very effective treatment programs which help one deal with the self-centeredness of addiction and other illnesses,.    The problem is , of course, that first the ill person needs to make a healthy decision to seek treatment using a brain which is not healthy.  For example, the clinically depressed person is expected to make healthy decisions when the thought process in their brain is telling them that there is not now, never has been, and never will be any reason to trust that one could appreciate and enjoy life; that there is any reason to get off the couch, get out of bed and  attempt to take care of oneself or consider the needs of others.   Clinical depression leaves one devoid of energy, hope or ability to think.    One is in the lowest mode of  existence where there is not much, if any desire to survive and often not enough energy to even plan suicide.  Making it easier to mandate treatment without creating a criminal record is a matter for thoughtful community debate.
 
It is important that health care persons and the lay person appreciate and understand that self-centeredness is not a choice that an acutely ill person is making.    It is a symptom of  some of the illnesses and conditions I have described.   We would never say to another person living near mountains, “I expect you to move that mountain before you deserve to be treated with compassion or dignity.”  Yet, we all too often expect the person with an illness which affect how their brain works to mentally and emotionally move a mountain; to think clearly, rationally and with a concern for how their thinking and behavior is affecting others.
 
It is not just the lay person but also health care professionals who have to be reminded that self-centeredness is a symptom and not a choice.   All too often I hear health care professionals at every level of education and training say, “The patients just do not want to get well.”  Essentially, they are saying, “That patient could move a mountain if they wanted to.” 
 
Written July 19, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org