Sunday Musings - January 29, 2023
The “gift” of confession
If one grew up in a religious framework such as Christianity one probably learned that confession was good for the soul.   What one was expected to confess was one’s sins so that one could accept and/or ask for the forgiveness of the God of one’s understanding. In the church in which I grew up, it was implied if not explicitly stated that if one was truly sorry one approached one’s chat with the God of one’s understanding with grievous sorrow which, of course, provided a good companion for shame and guilt. One might have joined in a communal prayer recorded in the Book of Common Prayer which might begin, “We have erred and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep.  We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against thy holy laws.  We have left undone those things we ought to have done and have done those things we ought not to have done; and there is no health in us.”   Another version in the same gook begins: “Dearly beloved the Scripture moves us in sundry places to acknowledge and confess our manifold sins and wickedness.”
Now the fact that we all expected to recite the same prayers might suggest that all of us humans are just that - imperfect by design. Certainly, there is merit to the desire of many of us to be our best selves while accepting that we daily or hourly full short of that goal. There should be no shame attached to our being human.  Yet to this day if I fall short of being my best self, I often feel an intense sense of shame and guilt.
This is a common experience for many of us. We have created a society in which it is fearful and often shameful to admit a mistake. 
Clearly there are behaviors which are very harmful to others.  Yet, I am hard pressed to arrive at a set of criteria which seems to fairly and accurately assign points to every possible way we hurt ourselves, other people, animals or the environment.   One might, of course, suggest that murder is obviously deserving the most “sin” points. Yet, if murder is done in a fit of rage over events such as the bombings of 9/11 it is termed one’s moral and patriotic duty.    One can also commit emotional murder; behavior which creates such deep hurt and fear that it kills the spirit of the recipient for years. 
In the United States the judicial system purports to dispense justice which demands payment in the form of jail time, often financial ruin and a denial of services such as public housing. Yet we know that those who are labeled criminals often have a mental illness or some deep psychological injury.
 
That Jesus fellow who is seen both as God and man by the Christian religion is said to have commanded:
         Let the person who is without sin throw the first stone.
         Love your enemies.
We often severely chastise and even shame others for behavior that is clearly a result of being human.  Hurt people often get frightened and use anger as a shield.  Hurt people hurt each other. I recently saw the movie “A Man Named Otto” starring Tom Hanks. The chief character is a man named Otto who has experienced deep and painful losses.  He adopts an anger shield in an attempt to try to avoid his own pain. He attempts suicide. As the movie unfolds one learns of his pain.
We are humans who are often less than our best selves.  Some days some of us approximate being our best selves for a moment or two. Yet, daily we harm ourselves, each other, and all of Mother Earth.   Yes, we have all erred and strayed from being our best selves.  Yes, we will continue to do so. Yes, we can all help each other strive to work as a community to take better care of each other. The irony is that the more accepting we are of our shared humanness the closer we become to being our best selves. Shame and punishment do not heal.
 
Of course, there are some people whose mind is so damaged that they are unable to consider the needs and rights or others.  Let’s find a way to provide safe, loving places which are not the State Mental hospitals/the snake pitts of yore. Let’s not continue to create treatment facilities where staff are often over worked, poorly trained and grossly underpaid. The patients and staff are not just patients and staff. The patients and staff are equally human. They are not criminals. The patients may be people who are UNABLE to consider the needs of others. The staff are humans who need support and respect or they will be unable to consider the needs of others.
Perhaps our prayer could be much simpler.  “Here I am, this imperfect human who knows he/she is deserving of love, of a second and third chance, of care when I am unable to care for myself, of safe and decent housing, of sufficient and healthy food, of freedom from shame, of respect for whom I am no matter my age, gender, sexual orientation, gender identification, different abledness, race, religion or other biological or cultural differences. Together we can support each other in letting go of fear, shame or other shields.  Together we can be more than we are separately.  Together we can affirm and celebrate our shared humanness.”  Only then can we safely confess and learn from our mistakes.
 
Written January 29, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 ​

​Sunday Musings - January 22, 2023
Who am I?
 
The question of who we are can be asked in a number of different ways with the intent on arriving at who one is in terms of biology, occupation, spiritual beliefs, place/nationality, or an artificial construct such as race or gender.
 
I identify as:
 
o   A biologically male person.
 
o   A finely tuned and rather complicated assembly of organs, tissues, fascia, blood, water, bones and other parts.
 
o   A single person; a divorced person living alone.
 
o   A father whose son chooses to not have a relationship with him.
 
o   A citizen of the United States who does not identify as American but one who lives and pays taxes in a section of the Americas.
 
o   A citizen or the Universes
 
o   A person who was born in 1940
 
o   A legal resident of the city of Wheeling, West Virginia and of the state of West Virginia thus obligating me to pay city and state taxes in those places.
 
o   A mutt in terms of biological lineage with roots in many different parts of this planet.
 
o   A person who appears to be a Caucasian male and, thus, has the privileges given to those who appear to be Caucasian males in this culture.
 
o   A person who is graced with a safe, pleasant home, a safe vehicle, a well-stocked pantry and enough money to pay essentials such as utilities.
 
o   A person who has the good fortune to work at an occupation for which he has a passion.
 
o   A person whose spiritual framework has been the Christian religion but who borrows from the teachings of Jesus, the Buddha, Mohammed and many others.
 
o   A person who understands himself to be a necessary but not sufficient part of the whole of the universe.
 
o   A person who has not always nurtured relationships/friendships well, but who now understand this to be a primary and necessary core value.
 
o   A person who is able to experience joy in one hand and grief in the other.
 
o   A person who has a great passion for friendships, food, music, dance, paintings, sculptures and other art forms.
 
o   A person — an animal - who has an interdependent relationship with other people, animals, plants, earth itself and the universes.
 
o   A person who has the responsibility and the privilege of carrying ancestors in his DNA and who will soon join that group of ancestors somewhere in the universe. 
 
o   A person who has strong beliefs but knows that his perspective if very limited.
 
o   A person who was raised close to the earth and is perhaps more at ease with the earth and animals than other humans.
 
o   A person who often can speak with authority but who always questioned his own opinions. 
 
o   A person who enjoys the company of those who exhibit those qualities more often in this culture labeled as feminine and thus, enjoys the company of those whose life dance reflect those qualities.
 
o   A person who is primarily sexually attracted to biological males.
 
o   A person who is a compilation of contradictions.
 
o   A person whose “soul” cannot be contained in any term or concept; a “soul” which is pure energy, the form of which may change but which is eternal.
 
Who am I?  I am all the above and both more and less than the above.   Some would suggest, as did Rene Descartes, “I think therefore I am.”   Who am I?  A thinking person.   Jean Paul Sartre suggested that the meaning of life is that which we create. I am thus a creator.  Many religious persons would suggest that we are children of God whose meaning or purpose is to obey certain rules which some called prophets attributed to the God of their understanding. My purpose thus is to prepare for eternal life - post human death.   Some equate the nebulous concept of consciousness with the essence of who we are as humans.  Others suggest that our purpose is to recreate ourselves in the form of artificial intelligence.
 
There is no shortage of attempts to intuit or posit the meaning of life which, in turn, will answer the questions of who we are as humans; whether we have a purpose other than to perform our brief job of honoring our part in the ecology of the universe. 
 
One might ask the reason for this question.   Some might suggest that all the attempts to identify who we are as humans and, thus, the meaning of this brief existence,  is to avoid the reality that we are all dancers on the stage of life; that indeed, as Shakespeare suggested “All the world is a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts.  His acts being seven ages.”  He then goes on to name the ages: infant, schoolboy, lover, soldier, justice, pantaloon, second childishness. (“As You Like It”, Act II, Scene VII.
 
One could ask, “Who will I be today?”  Will I be the friend, the creator, the servant, the master, the rock, or the sand?   Perhaps a combination.   
 
I once spent many hours seeking the essence of a mountain stream in Alaska. It was obvious that the bed, sides, water, rocks, and dirt were in a constant state of flux and, yet there was a core something all intuitively knew was the river.   What does our intuition tell us is the equivalent core of who we are?  Is it what we leave in our wake to create the banks, sides, bed, and dirt or the act of constant recreation itself?
 
Written January 21, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 

​Sunday Musings - January 15, 2023
 
In my blog of January 8, I suggested that although what we refer to as mental is a physical process in the body, talk therapy can be helpful for many living with an illness or condition which affects how one experiences reality.   There are exceptions, of course, such as when the mind is incapable of imagining a shared reality or allowig for the possibility of a reality other than the one a mind is currently experiencing.
 
Optimal brain functioning has more than one voice.  We humans are certainly not the only animal capable of problem solving.  We may, however, be the only animal capable of simultaneously being both the observer and the participant; of both experiencing a specific reality while examining the process of how we arrived at that reality thus allowing for an alternate reality.  We usually arrive at a particular reality by interpreting the current sensations of touch, smell, hearing and sight.  We do this partly by comparison with the memories associated with these sensations.  Thus, if the sensations we are currently experiencing resemble those from a past experience, we may react as if it is the same experience. For example, if a combat veteran hears a loud noise resembling a combat noise he or she may react as if they are in mortal danger when in in fact the noise may be the backfiring of a car, fireworks or some other non-fatal noise which does not indicate danger.  In other words, the memory of associating a loud noise with danger has to be expanded if the person is now going to safely and comfortably live in a non-combat situation.  The person has to implant a new or different set of possibilities; sometimes the noise indicates danger and often it may not.  The person has to be both the observer and the participant.  The participant experiences a sensation of sight, hearing, or smell.  The observer part of their brain can further access the situation to determine if it is a danger or not.  The observer part of their brain can also practice what one of my teachers calls, non-duality. Non-duality is the act of withholding labeling the event as good or bad, right or wrong. This allows a more scientific approach to reacting to the event or stimulus.  This process involves a lot of brain activity even if it may, at times, seem to occur in a brief time.
 
How well the various parts of the brain functions depend on chemical balance and other factors including diet, exercise, emotional and spiritual support and the working of other organs.  Thyroid function, heart function, physical pain, alcohol, other drug use, environmental factors, rest among others can also affect how the brain determines or experiences reality.   
 
Talk therapy can:
 

• Invite one to stand outside the current experience.

 

• Invite one to consider if their current experience of reality is being determined by old fears, depression, chemical balance or possibly other factors.

 

• invite one to “fact check” the reality.  For example, a person with whom I was talking had “learned” as a child that he was never good enough.  He still gets fearful of being judged and found wanting, despite the fact that he is a highly respected, accomplished man in his personal and professional life.  He is now learning to “fact check” and correct the lies he internalized as a child.  Fact checking might also affirm one’s current reality.  For example, another person with whom I recently talked is in an abusive relationship. The fact is that she is in danger and does need to find a path to safety.

 

• Invite one to know that other factors are affecting one’s perception of reality and, thus, refrain from acting on one’s initial perception/experience.

 

• Invite one to experience an alternative reality.  For example, if one has a traumatic background and has become fearful of all relationships one can experience a positive, safe relationship with the therapist.

 

• Invite one to learn more about what action, if any, to take regarding one’s perceptions of reality.

 

• Invite one to experience a relationship which contradicts the fear or other negative emotions past relationships engendered.

 

• Invite one to learn more about how the human body functions and what feeds or steals its health.

 

• Invite one to identify other community resources for healing and basic, holistic health.

 
Written January 15, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
         
 
 

Sunday Musings -January 8, 2023
Mental versus physical?


Most of us talk as if there is the physical body and the mental part of the body; the physical which body can be viewed directly or indirectly and the mental or emotional part of the body which is something other than physical.   Some may also believe we humans have a spirit or a soul the essence which continues to exist even after the end of the physical body.


The mental or emotional part of the body is often spoken of as if it exists independently of the physical body. Some professional healers may talk about certain chemicals affecting one’s emotions or mental health but even then, it often it is thought the chemicals affect or influence the emotions, but emotions and the thought process are still separate from the physical body.  


Thinking of emotions and the thought process as non-physical makes it easy to tell people who are depressed or otherwise impaired emotionally to “suck it up” or “just do it” no matter how much they might insist that they are unable to “just do it”.   It also makes it easy to chastise we or others for being “lazy, irresponsible or unmotivated.”  One may cite as proof of choice the fact some people seemingly unable to function suddenly jump into action when a “crisis” presents itself.  Some of we humans have been known to accomplish amazing feats when an emergency or cultural imperative demands it.  Thus, some seemingly unable to move might rescue a child from a burning building; some might walk on hot coals without apparent injury.  Being able to do one of these feats may be attributed to a “mental” state of being. While this may be true, it does not, however, negate the physical processes which make it possible or impossible for someone to function.  The fact that there may be a reserve which can be unconsciously called upon in an emergency is a “magical” fact or physical process in the brain which is a subject of research.


Anyone who has ever experienced clinical depression, anxiety or any other so called mental illness will attest to being able to experience these conditions as a physical event. While it may be true that thoughts or how one responds to the sensation of depression or anxiety may change how the body handles or processes the physical sensation the thoughts themselves are a result of extremely complex physical processes.  Many neurons must fire in a certain order. Information must be retrieved from the physical memory. Environmental factors affect the process.  The food one eats, the exercise one gets, the people with which one surrounds oneself, genetics, and a host of other factors impact the physical body which includes that part of the body which we loosely call the brain.


Despite the improvement in “mental health” understanding, we, as a society. continue to act as if choice is an option for those who are experiencing depression, anxiety, addiction, or other diseases which prevent one from functioning.  Such illnesses are not visible to the naked eye or measurable with various devices as are tumors, blood pressure level, clogged arteries, or a host of other conditions.  (We can, l however, increasingly measures differences in brain activity.)  Consequently, we may label them as mental and not physical. 


We sometimes allow for the fact that some diseases affect the thought processes and, thus, behavior.   The most common of these are brain tumors, hydrocephalic conditions, schizophrenia, and advance dementia. Yet, for the most part, we treat the inability to have a shared reality as if one has a choice and need to be held responsible for one’s decisions.   Even when it is determined that a person is not “mentally competent” to stand trial our judicial system often dictates that person be treated and then brought to trial.  We continue to jail many whose primary diagnoses is an illness which affects the ability to have a shared reality or the ability to consider how one’s action affects others.  We often act as if the “mentally ill” have free will and the freedom to choose to hurt or not hurt themselves and others,   


Recently, so called advocates for the rights of others have been outraged over the decision by certain government officials to increase the parameters for who, among the homeless, can be forced to undergo evaluation and potential treatment.  I do not pretend to know where the line should be drawn, but I do know that we cannot expect any of us to make healthy decisions for ourselves and to consider our effect on others when our brains are not physically able to conceptualize a shared reality.  


Have said all this on might reasonably asked why talk therapy can, at times, be helpful. That is a logical and important question which I will address in a future blog. Suffice it to say that talk therapy results in physical changes in the brain and is itself a physical process.


Written January 8, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org