Shared reality
Most of us know, at some level, that reality exist in the mind of every person. We know what seems real to us. We may decide what is real based on what we think we are experiencing via way if our senses, We may decide what is real because two or more people agree to name or label something the same. We may decide what is real based on a similar stared experience.
Fortunately, we can often agree with others regarding objects such as a person, a particular animal, a rock or a structure. We may, for example, easily agree that we are both currently in a particular structure. Depending on the language we speak we may have a particular word for a structure or even building. If we attempt to further label the structure we may experience it the same.
We also know that our minds can “play tricks on us”. Some dysfunction in the neurological system can result in a false association. For example, Oliver Sacks, the neurologist, in a book entitled The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat and Other clinical Tales detailed some neurological conditions which acutely affect what the affected person perceives. The title of the book refers to a man whose brain registered his wife’s face as a hat. While that may seem amusing it is anything but amusing to the person whose perception is distorted or to the spouse whose face is not visible to him as a face.
The person having what are called delusions or illuminations experiences reality which may not approximate a shared reality. Fortunately, actual hallucination and delusions are relatively rare. On the other hand, how often has all of us found ourselves arguing with a partner, another friend or our child about the nature of reality? How often have we accused someone - overtly or covertly - of lying. Of course, the a person may, for a variety of reasons, deny a shared reality. On the other hand, most of the time their reality is their reality, What they experienced or remember is 100% accurate for them.
We may often find ourselves arguing about a current or past reality as if there is a reality which “should be the same” for all: as if there is a reality which is THE reality. We don’t always say “I experienced this event as X.” Instead we say “This event was X.” If another person who was present says, “I experienced the event as X.” we may tell treat them as if they are lying or are just plain stupid.
Much of the time we can agree with others on an approximate shared reality. Yes, the garbage can is empty. Yes, there are two dozen eggs in the refrigerator. Yes, this is the car or building to which I hold a title. Yes, our address is such and such. Yes, I forgot your birthday.
Obviously, overt lying to a another person is seldom helpful unless, of course, one is lying about a positive surprise. On the other hand, accusing someone of lying every time there is not an approximate shared reality is not helpful or accurate. The truth is that it is amazing that we have a shared reality with another person(s) as often as we do.
Whether in an intimate relations, a debate about the nature of god, a proposed piece of legislation, a domestic or a foreign policy we would be well served if we quit demanding that others share our reality; if we quit acting as if our reality was the only possible one. It has been famously said,”I don’t know what I don’t know.” I do know what I perceive. I may have some explanation or even justification for that perception. On the other hand, there are many other potential accurate perceptions. There is no right or wrong. What one experiences is frequently very subjective.
Written March 30, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Most of us know, at some level, that reality exist in the mind of every person. We know what seems real to us. We may decide what is real based on what we think we are experiencing via way if our senses, We may decide what is real because two or more people agree to name or label something the same. We may decide what is real based on a similar stared experience.
Fortunately, we can often agree with others regarding objects such as a person, a particular animal, a rock or a structure. We may, for example, easily agree that we are both currently in a particular structure. Depending on the language we speak we may have a particular word for a structure or even building. If we attempt to further label the structure we may experience it the same.
We also know that our minds can “play tricks on us”. Some dysfunction in the neurological system can result in a false association. For example, Oliver Sacks, the neurologist, in a book entitled The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat and Other clinical Tales detailed some neurological conditions which acutely affect what the affected person perceives. The title of the book refers to a man whose brain registered his wife’s face as a hat. While that may seem amusing it is anything but amusing to the person whose perception is distorted or to the spouse whose face is not visible to him as a face.
The person having what are called delusions or illuminations experiences reality which may not approximate a shared reality. Fortunately, actual hallucination and delusions are relatively rare. On the other hand, how often has all of us found ourselves arguing with a partner, another friend or our child about the nature of reality? How often have we accused someone - overtly or covertly - of lying. Of course, the a person may, for a variety of reasons, deny a shared reality. On the other hand, most of the time their reality is their reality, What they experienced or remember is 100% accurate for them.
We may often find ourselves arguing about a current or past reality as if there is a reality which “should be the same” for all: as if there is a reality which is THE reality. We don’t always say “I experienced this event as X.” Instead we say “This event was X.” If another person who was present says, “I experienced the event as X.” we may tell treat them as if they are lying or are just plain stupid.
Much of the time we can agree with others on an approximate shared reality. Yes, the garbage can is empty. Yes, there are two dozen eggs in the refrigerator. Yes, this is the car or building to which I hold a title. Yes, our address is such and such. Yes, I forgot your birthday.
Obviously, overt lying to a another person is seldom helpful unless, of course, one is lying about a positive surprise. On the other hand, accusing someone of lying every time there is not an approximate shared reality is not helpful or accurate. The truth is that it is amazing that we have a shared reality with another person(s) as often as we do.
Whether in an intimate relations, a debate about the nature of god, a proposed piece of legislation, a domestic or a foreign policy we would be well served if we quit demanding that others share our reality; if we quit acting as if our reality was the only possible one. It has been famously said,”I don’t know what I don’t know.” I do know what I perceive. I may have some explanation or even justification for that perception. On the other hand, there are many other potential accurate perceptions. There is no right or wrong. What one experiences is frequently very subjective.
Written March 30, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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