Visiting
Yesterday I had an appointment for routine maintenance on my vehicle. Since the arrival of covid-19 I have not driven nearly as many miles and, thus, seldom see the folks working at the service place. It was good to visit with them while incidentally getting my automobile serviced. I had taken my laptop and as I was typing another friend who was there to get his automobile inspected joined me for a visit.
Often we fall into the trap of having the goal of crossing items off our to do list. This may mean a stop for groceries (often for many now just an order pickup), a stop at the gas station (no need to go inside if one is using credit or debit card) , a trip to a home improvement store, a stop at the green grocers, and a stop at the post office.
Years ago, I worked a 4-day work week and set aside Friday for visiting in the Squirrel Hill section of Pittsburgh where I was then living. First I visited the staff at the green grocer and incidentally purchased fruits and vegetables; next a stop to visit the butcher from whom I also purchased meat; next the book seller where I visited and where I might purchase a new book; and last the florist with whom I visited and also bought flowers for my home. Some weeks I also visited the cobbler, the hardware store clerk, folks at other retail establishment, the staff at the public library and others, The day might also include a bike ride to the strip district of Pittsburgh where I visited with other people while I incidentally also purchased some items.
When my wife and I lived in Princeton, New Jersey one had to be referred to the butcher and the wine store clerk or owner. Once one had a relationship with the butcher one could call, and he would season a roast and cook it for you if you had late classes or other commitments. The wine seller would lovingly and carefully choose a $5.00 bottle of wine which lasted the two of us a month.
I had a note from a friend of mine the other day whose hair dresser had an opportunity to work closer to his family. If it was not so many miles from her home she would continue to visit him and incidentally get her hair done. She is not unhappy with the new hairdresser but misses her visits with the former one.
When I am working as a professional counselor/therapist I frequently remind myself that the time together is first and foremost a relationship between two humans one of whom (or both) may be living the last week, day, moment of their life. Certainly, just as I have very clear responsibilities as a parent, I have responsibilities as a clinician which are clear to me and the client. The professional organization which issues my license and certification remind me of my professional duties and the boundaries which need to be maintained.
These are important but, at the same time, it is a relationship which deserves mutual love and respect. As Father Greg Boyle asserts when he is meeting with individuals coming out of a Los Angeles gang experience his role is to facilitate returning the person to himself/herself while, they, In turn return him to himself. While it is important for the person in the professional role to make the time together about the needs of the client/patient - to not make the time about what one needs – it is important to remember that the client/patient/person asking for help also brings a sacred gift of themselves to the relationship.
Many relationships, including many aspects of parenting, are time limited. It is our job as parents to guide and love unconditionally. It is also our job to let go and let the adult child choose his or her journey and the space to live that journey. Some adult children may decide their journey mandates no contact which may feel very hurtful, but the healthy parent honors that choice while continuing to stand at the ready. Time limited relationships are no less sacred.
Whether in the board room or the convenient store I hope that all of us can be intentional about visiting and taking care of each other while we also remain committed to accomplishing certain tasks or responsibilities.
Written July 30, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Yesterday I had an appointment for routine maintenance on my vehicle. Since the arrival of covid-19 I have not driven nearly as many miles and, thus, seldom see the folks working at the service place. It was good to visit with them while incidentally getting my automobile serviced. I had taken my laptop and as I was typing another friend who was there to get his automobile inspected joined me for a visit.
Often we fall into the trap of having the goal of crossing items off our to do list. This may mean a stop for groceries (often for many now just an order pickup), a stop at the gas station (no need to go inside if one is using credit or debit card) , a trip to a home improvement store, a stop at the green grocers, and a stop at the post office.
Years ago, I worked a 4-day work week and set aside Friday for visiting in the Squirrel Hill section of Pittsburgh where I was then living. First I visited the staff at the green grocer and incidentally purchased fruits and vegetables; next a stop to visit the butcher from whom I also purchased meat; next the book seller where I visited and where I might purchase a new book; and last the florist with whom I visited and also bought flowers for my home. Some weeks I also visited the cobbler, the hardware store clerk, folks at other retail establishment, the staff at the public library and others, The day might also include a bike ride to the strip district of Pittsburgh where I visited with other people while I incidentally also purchased some items.
When my wife and I lived in Princeton, New Jersey one had to be referred to the butcher and the wine store clerk or owner. Once one had a relationship with the butcher one could call, and he would season a roast and cook it for you if you had late classes or other commitments. The wine seller would lovingly and carefully choose a $5.00 bottle of wine which lasted the two of us a month.
I had a note from a friend of mine the other day whose hair dresser had an opportunity to work closer to his family. If it was not so many miles from her home she would continue to visit him and incidentally get her hair done. She is not unhappy with the new hairdresser but misses her visits with the former one.
When I am working as a professional counselor/therapist I frequently remind myself that the time together is first and foremost a relationship between two humans one of whom (or both) may be living the last week, day, moment of their life. Certainly, just as I have very clear responsibilities as a parent, I have responsibilities as a clinician which are clear to me and the client. The professional organization which issues my license and certification remind me of my professional duties and the boundaries which need to be maintained.
These are important but, at the same time, it is a relationship which deserves mutual love and respect. As Father Greg Boyle asserts when he is meeting with individuals coming out of a Los Angeles gang experience his role is to facilitate returning the person to himself/herself while, they, In turn return him to himself. While it is important for the person in the professional role to make the time together about the needs of the client/patient - to not make the time about what one needs – it is important to remember that the client/patient/person asking for help also brings a sacred gift of themselves to the relationship.
Many relationships, including many aspects of parenting, are time limited. It is our job as parents to guide and love unconditionally. It is also our job to let go and let the adult child choose his or her journey and the space to live that journey. Some adult children may decide their journey mandates no contact which may feel very hurtful, but the healthy parent honors that choice while continuing to stand at the ready. Time limited relationships are no less sacred.
Whether in the board room or the convenient store I hope that all of us can be intentional about visiting and taking care of each other while we also remain committed to accomplishing certain tasks or responsibilities.
Written July 30, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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