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Sunday Musings - March 27, 2022

3/27/2022

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Sunday Musings - March 27, 2022
“They cannot take our joy.”
 
This week the United States Congress held hearings to consider the nomination of Ketanji Brown Jackson to join the ranks of those who serve on the Supreme Court of the United States.  The hearings were, at times, deliberately negative and unrelated to her qualifications.   Some Senators seemed determined to question her commitment to upholding their understanding of the constitution of the United States.  Some attempted to attack her moral character by questioning whether she cared about protecting children from child predators.  Some seemingly attempted to garner political capital by repeatedly asking whether she supported teaching critical race theory.

It is not unusual for nominees to the Supreme Court or other important positions which have to be confirmed by the members of the United States Senate to be critically examined.  Given the perception by many that we in the United Sates are experiencing a resurgence of what appears to some to be a defense of and even a resurgence of oppression based on the construct of race, it is not surprising the first black female nominee for this august position was the subject of especially harsh politically motivated questioning. 

It appears that she is a person who can stand firm in the face of such attempts to discredit her professionally and personally.  She appears to me to be an extremely intelligent, strong person who is  up to the task of joining her colleagues in exploring  the constitutionality of the cases which reach the United States Supreme Court.  

She is well aware she will continue her adult journey of being perceived as a role model for females and especially black females in the United States.  If she, a black female, can become a Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States then other black females will aspire to be a leader in helping the United States live up to up to its  constitutional aspirations which have often been ignored because of the fear of those who hold tight to systemic racism, sexism and other forms of oppression; the belief that “all people” is limited to white, land owning/property owning Caucasian identified males.

Much has and will be written about the contentious and some would say often vicious questioning of this impressive woman.  What especially stood out to me, however, were:

o   Her ability to remain calm, articulate, humble, and strong; her refusal to be intimidated.
o   The gathering of black women, many of whom began to arrive in the Capital city of Washington, D.C. well before the hearings began, whose goal was to make it clear that any unfair treatment of Ms. Jackson would be experienced as directed against all black women.
o   Her statement to her children about her precarious balancing act as a mother who is also a busy professional woman; that her intent was to ensure that love was always at the center of her maternal relationship.
o   The statement by one of the few black senators, Cory Booker to Ms. Jackson that “They cannot take our joy.”  He said much more than that, but I, and I am sure many others were particularly moved by that statement as well as the statement “Don’t worry God has got you.”
President Biden promised, if given the opportunity, to nominate a black woman to serve on the Supreme Court; not just because she was a woman or black, but because it is way past time to quit thinking that excluding black women to such an important position is normal; to publicly state the obvious fact that there has never been a black woman on the Supreme Court because of systemic racism and sexism in this country.
Another woman in the news this week, the first female Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright, died; another strong, intelligent, competent defender of the ideals of the constitution of these United States. 

I am personally humbled by such thoughtful, courageous, intelligent, patriots of not only the United States but of this planet.  Just as they speak their truth with courage and humility all of us must summon the courage to speak our truth with courage and humility. 
On this Sunday when some Christians celebrate the teachings of Jesus, it seems to me that we need to do our human best to emulate the compassion, strength, courage,  grace and humility not only of Jesus, but such leaders as Madeleine Albright, Ketanji Jackson and Cory Booker
 
Written March 27, 2022
Jimmy F. Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 
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Parents know best?

3/23/2022

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Parents know best?
 
It seems to be commonly assumed that parents know what is best for their children.  Recently, I have seen state and local decisions suggesting that parents are best qualified to make decisions about the content of their child’s academic studies as well as decisions about other important aspects of their son or daughter’s life.  In a number of cases the state has decided for the local school board what can be taught. 
 
Often in our culture one can hear the assertion that parents know what is best for their child. Why would anyone assume this?  It may be true in some cases. Just this morning I spoke with a grandparent and parent who has regularly consulted with her village of trusted elders, friends and child experts before making a decision about some important issue affecting a child. This person is a respected, retired health care professional. Yet, she assume others may know more than her or from a distance see a point of view which she has overlooked.   I also talked with another parent who, although having strong feelings about what is best for her children, called to ask my opinion. 
 
If one is adopting a child or even becoming a foster parent, in most cases one has to undergo a rigid and extensive examination of one’s personal history, physicals and emotional health as well as an examination of one’s home.  It is not assumed just because one wants to be a foster parent or an adopted parent that one has the necessary skills, emotional, physical or spiritual health.   One is also generally required to undergo parenting classes
 
If, however, one is the biological parent (not merely a sperm donor) there is only limited requirements for being qualified parents.   Assuming a child is not born with a drug addiction, is not the identified victim of some other abuse, or for some other reason the parent has come to the attention of the legal authorities, one merely has to successfully complete the implantation of the sperm into fertilized egg in order to be considered a person who know what is best for a child. Most frequently this is accomplished through sexual intercourse one time. One might be sober, drunk or otherwise impaired, emotionally healthy or unhealthy, physically healthy or unhealthy,  mentally prepared to be a parent, a teenager or an older adult.  One might ask how that qualifies one for becoming a parent to be an expert on a variety of subjects.  Of course, it does not.   
 
It has often been written by lay persons and by experts, that it takes a village to raise a child.  In some communities the biological parents are given very little authority over the raising of a child. The community of elders  assumes primary responsibility for the care and teaching of the child.
 
It is time we quit pretending that being able to stumble through sexual intercourse qualifies one for being a parent.  Some may be qualified but many are not.   We who care about children need to be make it clear when we vote for school boards members as well as state and national legislators that the ability to have intercourse does not qualify one to be a parent.  At best, we members of the village need to take responsibility for raising our children to be emotionally, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually healthy. We need to make sure our children have the right to learn history as it was, to claim the gender they determine they are, to partner with the person of the same or opposite gender, to grow up to be the best of who they are emotionally, sexually, spiritually, and intellectually: to develop their particular gifts,
 
 
Written Mach 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpikett,org
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Sunday Musings - March 20, 2022

3/20/2022

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Sunday Musings – March 20, 2022
Not enough
 
One of the undeniable facts of being human is that we cannot undo what has already happened.  We may, in some cases, be able to make amends or we may be able to make emotional or physical repairs.  However, many objects which have sentimental value or are one of a kind cannot be replaced.  We cannot undo the hurt we may have deliberately or unwittingly caused one or more people.  Putin, for example, can never undo what he has recently been doing in Ukraine.  We, the United States, can never undo our invasion of Iraq or Afghanistan.   The United States and other countries cannot undo their history of slavery.
 
We can, of course, take responsibility.  We can attempt to make amends to those most directly affected.  We can pay the financial price if we are blessed to have the funds to do so. Yet, no matter how much we solicit the helps of the God of our understanding or the use of fairy dust, we cannot expect to redo history although, sadly, we can and do often repeat history.
 
‘Recently I was involved in an automobile accident.  I ran a red light while driving in my car. Somehow, I “saw” the light as changing but it was not.  A car coming from down the street I was crossing hit my car.  The driver of that car was unable to avoid my car and I was unable to see what was happening and avoid being hit.  Both cars were badly damaged, and one person may have been slightly injured.  I have no excuse or rational explanation for my behavior.  Obviously, something or someone distracted me.   There was no one else in the car to distract me. I was not adjusting the radio, the heat,  responding to a Bluetooth call or doing anything else which might have distracted me.
 
For several days after the accident, I obsessively looked for a rational explanation for my behavior. I was unable to find one. I was embarrassed and upset with myself.  I found it difficult to accept that I made this significant, potentially life-threatening mistake in judgment.   Yet, daily, I suggest to others that they must be lovingly accepting of their humanness. As humans we all make mistakes including, at times, very serious ones.   Beating ourselves up, belittling ourselves, attempting to run from the truth by creatively telling ourselves an alternative story will not accomplish anything positive.  The only positive steps one can take is to deal with the consequences  of one’s actions with non-shameful humility.  Shame will not heal or prevent future proof of one’s humanness.
 
I smile at myself while simultaneously obsessively chiding myself.   I am quite aware that I have a good record of dealing with life’s-on-life’s terms. So, what if I am sometimes an anxious, guilty mess while doing so.  I have a history of facing and surviving emotionally difficult situations. On those occasions where I had an option to move on or to keep insisting that I can do something to correct an untenable situation I have been known to rub my serenity coin and repeat the mantra of the serenity prayers many times.
 
The author Richard Carlson reminded us Don’t Sweat the small Stuff and It Is All Small Stuff.  In fact, life shows up and we face it as the humans we are.  Sometimes we do well and sometimes we do miserably.  If wise, we own our mistakes and attempt to learn from them and make amends when we can.
 
Physical pain is physical pain.  If someone is pulling my nails off with pliers or cutting off my finger, I am going to feel intense pain and do all I can to exit the story!!  Emotional pain, on the other hand, often has to do with a desire to avoid facing the brevity of this life journey or other aspects of our humanness.  In the example I cited here the pain following the accident was self-inflicted by a desire to avoid acceptance of my humanness .  That is not going to happen.  Other serious life events have and will continue to visit with or without action on my part.   Many will not match the story I have written - my expectations; especially my expectations of myself to be less human.
 
In short, life will show up and we will choose whether to accept life on life’s terms with humility and grace or to endlessly curse ourselves and the god of our understanding for our humanness. 
 
Written March 20, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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Symptoms of cultural disease?

3/15/2022

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Symptoms of cultural disease?


Addiction takes many forms:  addiction to temporary numbness, getting briefly high with drugs, things, money, power or sex.  Most of us know that there is an epidemic of addiction in the United States as well as some other countries.   If surveys are accurate there is also an epidemic of loneliness and homelessness.  Many studies further report that there has been a significant rise in mental illness.  Some such as banayanmentalhealth.com report that there may have been as much as a 52% rise in depression among adolescents and between 2017 and 2018 and a 19% overall rise of adults experiencing mental illness.   Statistics vary but multiple studies indicate a significant rise.  While some of this rise may be due to increased awareness and ability to label mental illness, it appears the actual incidences of mental illness continues to increase among adolescents and adults.  To determine the reasons for this, should researchers study the correlation of concurrent factors or events.  Nutrition, cultural shifts, longevity, and a host of other factors may affect the mental health of those living in the United States.  One also has to take into account the insurance system in the United States pays to treat illness and not wellness. Might another correlated factor be the decline in church involvement?  Does this correlate with increased isolation, loneliness, and anxiety?


The definition of success is yet another changing factor.  For many years studies indicated that the primary goal of a majority of individuals attending college was learning to make money.  This is a very different goal than attending college to explore or learn skills to help create a more just or meaningful community.  It would seem, especially since living through a pandemic, many are questioning the definition of success.


I strongly suspect that researchers need to explore the correlation between mental illness, addictions, loneliness, the prevalence of the small nuclear versus extended family makeup, educational goals and homelessness.   Some might also question whether the availability and the use of social media correlates with any of these factors.


 Correlations do not mean cause and effect, but they might suggest the questions we, as a society, need to be asking including:


o   What does it mean to be human or how are we humans uniquely a part of the universe(s)?


o   Can we imagine and create a society in which it is safe to be who we are as humans with all our strengths and shortcomings?


o   Is success financial, emotional, social or spiritual? Is it all of these?


o   Is the nuclear family a viable and healthy option for raising children or living as an adult?


o   What economic system might best provide for all?


o   To what extent is what is labeled as mental illness a healthy reaction to an unhealthy culture?


o   What percentage of mental illness. Including addiction, is related to nutrition, loneliness, and other treatable factors?


o   What physical, social, nutritional and environment factors lead to an inability to consider the needs of others.


o   Is punishment a viable long-term solution to behavior which ignores the rights and needs of others?’


o   Is homelessness a moral failing?


We have long known that it is the questions and not the answers which are important.  When we start with pre-determined answers, I believe we are going to continue to see an increase in all of these “social ills”.  Using the rigors of the null hypnosis of science perhaps we could start with the thesis: “Addictions, mental illness, loneliness, homelessness, nuclear family configurations, nutrition, church involvement and environmental factors do not correlate and are not related.”


Written March 15, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org








           












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Sunday Musings - March 13, 2022

3/13/2022

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Sunday Musings - March 13, 2022
Welcome grief.  Welcome joy.


Listening to the news, it would be easy to fall into darkness:  War in Ukraine and other countries, bombing of hospitals, the threat of nuclear war,  destruction of the environment, wealth concentrated in the one percent, calls for more border walls as many flee physical, economic and emotional violence, addictions, pandemics, attachment to punishment as a change agent, the futility of nuclear family parenting, political insanity, droughts, fires, floods, fierce storms and loses of parents, children and  other friends.  One could easily become hopeless and decide that life as we have constructed it is too much to bear.  One could decide the only option is to hide in numbness, under the covers or in some other self-constructed cage.  One could channel Job and rent one’s clothes as one settles into the knowledge that either the god of one’s understanding never existed or was always a narcissistic, sadistic, evil being masquerading as one who practiced tough love. 


Many of us humans have learned to believe and live in a dualistic world.   People, events, places and existence itself is either good or bad, right or wrong, hopeful or hopeless, and full of magic or fairy dust which temporarily covers dung of this earth.


From this perspective it is the best of times for some and the worst of times for most. 


Wise men and women have always known it is darkest just before the sunrise; that the diamonds are created from coal; that when the barn burns down one can see the moon. Yet, most of us continue to allow ourselves to fall into the trap of dividing events, people, and situations into good and bad.  If not careful we then tell ourselves we can never be happy because we cannot bear to experience the acute pain of this life journey.   Yet, my experience is that it is only when we allow ourselves to fully experience the pain that we find laughter; it is only when we let go of fear that we open to joy.


Bigger Thomas, the chief character in Richard Wright’s book, Native Son, when faced with the threats of the police officer,  says, “You can’t do nothin except kill me and that ain’t nothin,”. In other words, “If I die, I win,  If I live, I win.’


I am not suggesting that pain is anything other than pain or that joy is anything other than joy.  I am suggesting that unless I am willing to take what Soren Kierkegaard calls that leap of faith and allow myself to fully experience the pain/grief I will never fully experience joy.  Conversely if I never experience joy, I will never experience the depth of pain.  If each do not find a home within me, I will exist but cease to be. Both pain and joy reside in the same internal place.   The haystack does indeed contain the needle.  The diamond is in the process of becoming. The winter snow feeds the new life of spring.


In the Christian tradition this is the good news of Lent as one looks toward Easter.   In coming to terms with all the ways we have hurt ourselves, each other and the planet we will find the joy of being part of a loving community. In accepting the deep angst of the crucifixion, we find the magic of the resurrection.   Like Bigger Thomas, Jesus knows, “you can’t do nothin but kill me and that ain’t nothin.”


In the midst of this season of seeming darkness, we can be reminded that we have an opportunity to reclaim the joy of the power of celebrating the best of who we are; of coming to terms with the reality that all that matters is how we embrace this moment; comfort each other  while we share joy and pain.  Whether we envision angels, the spirit of our ancestors or all the energy of that which once was and is,  the only rational choice is to be present to the and with the power of our grief which will paradoxically open the door to joy.




Written March 13, 2022
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org


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Uncomfortable

3/8/2022

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Uncomfortable


Recently I wrote 1500 words exploring


Oklahoma’s HR1775 which is now law.  


My wordiness surpassed that of the law.


Could not I have been more direct?


Is not the United Sates


home of the free and the brave?


Do not we have federal anti- hate crime laws?


Why then these new laws?


Written as if racism, sexism and other forms of


oppression are “merely” history.


As if none of us bear responsibility for systemic oppression


As if a knee on the neck is less lethal than hanging.


As is being shot dead because of a broken taillight is less lethal.


As if prohibiting the discussion of race or gender fluidity is less psychologically damaging


As if the covert shaming is less damaging and thus less lethal.


Let’s be honest.


HR 1775 and all similar laws could be written more simply.


White, privileged heterosexuals who live in their small God Box will be protected from discomfort.


Those dying for racism, sexism, homophobia and other forms of oppression should at least have the dignity to die more quietly.


After all we are the home of the free and the brave.


DON’t YOU FORGET THAT.


            WE ARE THE GOOD GUYS


            WE ARE AMERICA.


Our invasion of other counties is justified.


Our assassination of the bad people is our moral duty.


Our 1 % are deserving.


We cannot be held responsible for all the bad people - particularly the poor and the mentally ill and the people of color who get themselves in prison?


We are the good people. 


Fake history of ongoing racism, sexism and homophobia must be stopped.


After all we cannot have the children of the good people uncomfortable.   


How ungracious of us.


Would the family of George Floyd please be a little more dignified?


Would the family of the gender fluid child please bury their child quietly?


Would the family of all the women in domestic violence shelters please just get on with their lives?


History is much too uncomfortable.


Reality is much too uncomfortable.


“Comfort, comfort, my people says your god. With gentle words, tender and kind,
Assure Jerusalem, this chosen city from long ago, that her battles are over.” (Old Testament, Isaiah 30, 1-2)


Written March 8, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org




 


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Sunday Musings - March 6, 2022

3/6/2022

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Sunday Musings - March 6, 2022
God, Putin, family, race and homosexuality
The invasion by Russia’s President of Ukraine has engendered some confusing (to me) reactions here in the United States and around the world. Donald Trump speaks of Putin as a genius.  Some conservative  Christian organizations and individuals in the United States have praised Putin and the invasion of Ukraine. Some, such as Pat Robertson, believe Putin is doing what God calls him to do to hasten Armageddon (google Pat Robertson and Putin’s invasion.  Many news sources report Roberson saying this.) Other conservative Christians have likened “Christian America” and “Holy Russia”
A handful of U.S.-based Christian nonprofits have consistently praised Russian President Vladimir Putin as “a global beacon of hope - both for families and for the survival of Christianity” (julieroyscom, Feb 28,2022).
Lauren Wtzkle, the 2020 GOP candidate for U. S. Senate in Delaware, praised Putin.  Accordingly to Alex Henderson writing in the March1, 2p11 edition of alternative.org states that “…some Republicans and white American evangelicals today- say they have admired Putin because of the alignment of their beliefs with his about homosexuality, authoritarianism and fealty to former President Donald Trump”. President Putin has aligned himself with the Russian Orthodox Church with regards to its view that marriage is between “one dad and one mum”.   Does this make him a Christian?
Many others, including some who identify as Christian, describe President Putin as evil.
As I noted in last Sunday’s blog, many in the Christian church have begun the season of Lent  during which all are encouraged to do a searching moral inventory and to prepare for a new beginning.  In the midst of the praise of Putin or the labeling of him as evil, the teachings of Jesus seem to me to be  absent. Although there is no record of Jesus offering an opinion about the same sex relationships, nothing he says indicates that he would be concerned.  There is no indication that he knew that the there was not, in fact, a shortage of male “seeds which was the eroneous belief which resulted in Old Testament teachers warning about the dangers of same sex relationships..  He was concerned about such issues as loving your enemy, feeding the homeless, visiting those in prison, and a host of other issues which we loosely referred to now as social justice issues.
It is clear to me that Mr. Putin is a human who is clearly addicted/attached to power and a set of beliefs which he thinks will enhance his power base. Any addict who is in recovery will be happy to share that self loathing and a need to prove oneself is a core element of addictive thinking.  Obviously,  fear about one’s worth does not cause addiction but it can lead to an attempt to numb the pain of self rejection or to seek one’s worth in power, sex (also about power and not sex per say), possessions, things, money or  anything outside of oneself.  Any recovering addict will tell one, one of any of these is not enough and a thousand is too many.  This is as true with power as it is for recreational drugs or other people, places or things.
I feel sorry for President Putin. I do not believe he is evil.  I do think that his attempt to prove his worth by wielding military power again the Ukrainian or anyone who does not feed his ego has evil results.  Yet the man himself is not evil.  Certainly, he needs to be relieved of his power base. I would go so far as to suggest he be forced into an addiction treatment program. I would never recommend that we use evil/violent behavior to stop evil.  Yet, having said that, I cannot say what i would do if I was living in Ukraine and faced with watching the destruction of family, friends, and other community members as well as the very fabric of the economic, historical and spiritual base of the country.   Would I remain non-violent but not passive?  How would I be assertive in my resistance without becoming violent?  Would a willingness to use my body to stop a bullet from striking a family member solve anything?  Would the teachings and lessons of Martin Luther King Jr. guide me in a realistic response? How could I obey the command of Jesus to love my enemy and not become a passive pawn?
What is the connection between fear of same sex love, gender fluidity, addiction, and the justification or at least endorsement as necessary of violent behavior?  Why is racism and other forms of oppression so often connected with these issues?  What is the common thread?
It seems to me that the common thread is a deep fear that it is not enough to be us; not enough to be human with all the strengths, possibilities, and limitations we, as humans, have.  With the same mind which creates the beauty of art and music and engineering genius we doubt we are enough.   The message of Jesus, the Buddha and may other wise teachers is: It is enough to be us.  It is enough to be part of a whole who together can work the magic of caring for each other and living in harmony with Mother Earth. Sadly , this is a truth which eludes Putin, those Christians who praise Putin the addicted dictator and those who simply dismiss him as evil.
Written March 6, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
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    Jimmy Pickett is a life student who happens to be a licensed counselor and an addiction counselor. He is a student of Buddhism with a background of Christianity and a Native American heritage.

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