​Viva la anxiety
 
I see/work for a number of people who can be paralyzed by what they term anxiety and/or panic attacks.   I suspect that all of us have experience some level of anxiety before an important academic test, a work presentation which may determine whether we get promoted or fired, or another situation  where optimal performance is important.   This level of anxiety  may keep us alert and wanting to do our best.  It is the opposite of arrogant complacency.  I was telling a person this morning that I get some anxiety before seeing every client, conducting a workshop or facilitating a group therapy session.     I experience this as uncomfortable but I am grateful for the reminder to pay close attention and to do my best to attend to the needs of the person or persons for whom I am working.   I do not get paralyzed by this level of anxiety. I invariably show up and do my best.  Part of me know that most of the time I am able to perform well.  If I am unable to perform well I will take note of what I need to do to be better prepared next time. I may need to do more research, ask trusted colleagues for advice or listen to my body which is telling me to take a break.
 
Some people show up and do their best but continue to experience a level of anxiety which is acute or even paralyzing.  They may even get anxious about the anxiety.  In other words they may feed the lies of the anxiety telling themselves they are incompetent and are going to make grave mistakes.  They may feel unable to breathe and move.  They may have to  ask for help.  This feeling can be so uncomfortable that they return to the relative safely of their home and, if possible, restrict themselves to a  limited space in which they feel safe most of the time.
 
If one has an independent income, is on disability or has a partner who earns enough to pay the bills one my then allow the anxiety or the fear of the anxiety to keep them in a limited space for the many years or even a lifetime.  
 
Acute anxiety may, for some,  begins is childhood because one lives with parents or other guardian who are not well enough to provide a positive, stable home.   Parents/guardians might, for example have addiction issues or other mental illness. One never knows what to expect and thus one learns to be on constant high alert or in a constant state of anxiety.   The ill parents or guardians may blame their illness and resultant behavior on the child(ren).  They may directly or indirectly tell the child they are incompetent, worthless, no good and that no one can ever depend on them or even love them.  It is possible to internalize these lies and to become very fearful of doing anything.   Some who grow up in this sort of negative environment grow up to be very competent adults.  Some, even as adults living in a safe, predictable home, are extremely anxious and always waiting to mess up or for the other shoe to drop.   
 
It takes a lot of practice to override the lies one learned about oneself and the world.  Sometimes some mild medication can help take the edge off the anxiety making it easier to function and to correct the lies.   Some well-meaning doctor may prescribe mediation as the sole treatment and which only temporarily treats the symptoms.  Depending on the medication one may built up a tolerance and have to keep increasing the dose resulting in negative side effects.
 
The good news is that we can retrain our brain.  Even many of those who have survived combat and have acute symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder can heal.   Trauma still leaves scars which can be  disturbed at times but most people can learn to function and live a relatively healthy and full life.  Depending on the trauma and the frequency of the trauma(s) approaches such as rapid eye movement therapy may also provide significant relief.
 
When anxiety arrives for a visit one must decide if it is telling one a lie or corresponds to a realistic shared reality.   If all evidence is that there is not a current danger one can relax and take the next step.  If there is a current danger than one can  design and execute a plan to deal with that danger.     Anxiety itself it not the issue. The issue is now defined by one’s relationship with the anxiety and the lies or truths it proclaims.
 
Written January 31, 2020
Jimmy  F Pickett
Coachpickett.org

​Healing family
 
One day this week I was at the addiction treatment program where I am a volunteer employee.  This is a residential and intensive outpatient program for adult males. The ages range from early twenties to fifties although there may be an occasional person who has managed to reach more advanced years in their active addiction.  As all of us know many  addicts die in their teens or twenties.   Those who arrive at treatment programs such as this one have an opportunity to claim the life they deserve
 
It is no secret that addiction kidnaps the mind and creates a compulsion to use which overrides most, if not all, of one’s core values.  When actively addicted one will actively or passively engage in behavior which is against everything one holds dear. One will neglect children they adore, steal from people who have unconditionally loved them, and sell anything, including themselves to get the next drug or fix.   The only choice one has is to get into a treatment program and then join a community recovery group.   Addiction may start with using medication prescribed by a licensed physician to relieve the pain following an injury or surgery.  Addiction may start with  discovering that it allows one to avoid uncomfortable or shameful feelings about oneself.  Often an addict will say they never felt as if they belonged.  As Brene Brown reports, many children report that they do not feel as if they belonged to their families.  The feeling of not belonging is very painful.  Drug addiction and other addictive behaviors may either numb the not belonging feeling or allow one to  feel as if they belong with a group of people who are members of the same not belonging tribe.   This tribe may not, in the long run, be very dependable because the compulsive need to get the next fix will override any gratitude for or loyalty to this new family. 
 
Most folks arrive at a treatment program because they do not want to go to prison again,  because they want to be better parents or more effective caretakers of other family members.    A few people may arrive because they are sick and tired of being sick and tired; sick of not being able to the good person they know that they can be.
 
It does not matter how or why folks arrive. It does not matter how much one has treated oneself and others badly or even cruelly.  It does not matter who one’s  family of origin was or is.  One is welcomed to join the family of people who arrived at a stage of brokenness and shame infested sores deeply believing they were not deserving of love.   
These same individuals who are at the treatment center have now begun to buy into the hope that one can be healed; can be loved. They welcomed the new person with an embracing welcome home.
 
Such is the case with the current group of residents at the treatment center where I am a volunteer employee.   In this this setting a new person arrived this week.  We will call him Ben.  Ben has been actively addicted since he was 15 years old. He is now 30.  He graduated from high school and tried college several times.  His addiction overrode each attempt to navigate college life.   He has now arrived at a place in his life where he wants to be able to be a dependable, loving caretaker of his grandparents.  He has not yet arrived at a place which he can accept that he has a disease which kidnapped his brain causing him to lose the ability to engage in behavior consistent with his core values.   He is shameful of his past. He wants to believe that he his brain should be able to make moral/ethical decisions even if it is malfunctioning.  Of course, this is impossible.   His diseased and broken brain made decisions to feed itself with the same poison which broke it.  
 
Ben cannot be responsible for a broken brain.  Ben can, if lucky, find his way to accepting the embrace of others; can stumble into the humility of accepting his own humanness and, thus, finding  his way into a new family
 
There is no room for shame in a healing program.  There is room for acceptance of the powerless once one has taken that first drug;  acceptance of the fact that active addiction steals one’s choices. The only choice is to take the medication of a family who will show one together they can face life on life’s terms.  The only way forward is forward.   The only way forward is home to oneself and to/with others who are on the same journey.
 
 
Written January 29, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org

​Strength
 
If one looks up the definition of strength in Marriam Webster or almost any dictionary the first definition is about physical ability.    It is the amount of force exerted or endured.  The term can also be used to refer to character or the ability of one to act on the basis of one’s core values even if many others think that one’s actions are wrong or a symptom of weakness.
 
Many of us males have learned that strength is about not showing vulnerability or heart felt feelings such as sadness, grief or other indications that we care about people.   Actually, it is okay if one shows signs of caring as long as one does so by performing a task.   The types of tasks one may do to show love may vary depending on the mores of the neighborhood or larger community.  Women also often show they care  by performing a task; offering to help with child care, cooking a meal, loaning money, or listening for hours at a time.    At the same time women freely share their tears, their excitement and a range of other emotions.
 
As a young man  I was awed by the fact that women could share sadness while cooking a meal, performing child care or getting ready to put on their judge’s robes.     They also have the capacity to temporarily set their emotions aside while they perform an important task.     Males, on the other hand, often stuff their emotions so that they can continue with a task and/or  to prove that they are not “a pussy”.  In other words it seems as we males spend a lot of our energy denying or hiding many of our emotions.
 
A man I am seeing for therapy just told me that strength for him has been dealing with his fear by attempting to control others, particularly the females in his life.   He did not think it was manly to show fear or other tender emotions. He also did not think he could show or even talk about such emotions without breaking down which was strictly verboten for a male.   Of course his behavior destroyed relationships with the females in his life.  The women in his life were not impressed with his show of physical strength and his inability to be vulnerable or to even lose an argument.  (Assuming an argument needed to be won.)
 
This very same male admitted that much of his behavior was executed for fear of what other males might think of  him if he was more open with this love and his emotions.  It is true that much of behavior by heterosexual males is designed to earn the respect or at least not the disrespect of other males.  This same behavior may impress some females but the majority of females I know are much too busy to put up with such foolishness.  Most  females I know want a partner who is emotionally present and in doing his best to be a partner in all areas of this shared life.  
 
All of us like an occasional evening off. I love it when a female or a male with whom I am sharing an evening takes charge of the evening by making reservations and taking care of all the details of the evening.  I also enjoy doing the same for them.  It feels good to be taken care of not because I am a male but because we all get tired of being in charge.   This does not mean ordering a person to do things for us.  It means we do things  because we love taking care of our partner and other friends and enjoy getting the same treatment in return.
 
It seems as if the strength which most of us treasure in others is the courage to treat ourselves and others with respect and, yes, love.  Physical strength is welcomed in many situations whether it is to do household tasks, stay up taking care of a sick child or partner, or chopping wood if that is needed.   Most of us admire those who take good care of their physical body not to prove something but because they think enough of themselves  to take good care of themselves.  It is, however, the emotional and spiritual strength we most want and need in each other; the strength to do the next right thing just because it is the next right thing; not because one is attempting to impress someone.
 
Written January 28, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Sunday Musings – January 26, 2020
 
My spiritual intention today is to honor and respect the journey of others even when it not what I want or hope for individuals or the body politic.   
 
I was grateful for the young man who yesterday reminded all celebrating the life of another young man that no matter what the length of this life journey it is very brief; the best we can do is to love and respect that each of us does the best we can to leave our unique mark.   That same young man reminded all of us that we have to honor the grief of those who of us who are left and do our best to comfort each other.
 
The words of this special young man was again a reminder to me that the journey of another,  even when it directly affects others – it always does but sometimes more than other times – it is not about others.  Certainly it is not about me.  It is  often about my attachments to my tendency to make other people and events responsible for how much I appreciate or enjoy this life journey.
 
Grief is an important  bridge from our attachments to a new chapter in our individual and collective journey.    Often whether my attachment is to a person living, behaving in a way I “know is best for them”, the action of a body politic , to the internet working on a particular day or the end of violence I seem to need to cry, rant, and perhaps shout obscenities before I can move on to mourning which may eventually lead to acceptance.    If  I can occasionally retain my passion for a cause such as the end of the opioid epidemic or the abuse of the environment, while simultaneously letting go of my attachment I may be able do my tiny part in leaving the world a little better than it was when I arrived for this sojurn.   On the other hand, when I become convinced that some change has to occur,  someone has to take better care of their health or has to maintain the relationship with me then I may not only convince myself I have to be miserable but will inflict misery on others.
 
I would rather not go to another funeral of a person who dies of a drug overdose. I would like to see  the end of a concept of justice which is primarily reliant on punishment. I would love to see more inclusive behavior at all levels of our body politic. I would love to live a long life but die before any more of my family and friends die so I do not have to let go of some of my attachments and do not have to grieve.   I would have been thrilled if all the contestants at Show of Hands contest this week could have won over $11,000.00 each.  I would have loved to have the answer which would have relieved the depression of someone  I deeply care about yesterday.
 
As all my friends and acquaintances know I have many passionate wants.  My passions and that of others are not the problem.  The problem occurs when my passions become an attachment.    If I make your life miserable by screaming at you every time you smoke a cigarette because I can only have a good life if you quit smoking no one has a more qualitative life.  
 
Today I will be more aware of accepting responsibility for my attachments; honoring the journey of others while working to create a more just, safe, and loving community.   Today I will speak out about addiction to money, power and other substances and behaviors which kill while seeking to not harm others because of my attachment  to making other behave the way I “know” they “should” behave.  
 
Written January 26, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 

What size are your shoes?
 
I was listening to a report of the reaction to a recent book this morning and reminded of the risks in attempting to walk in the shoes of another.   Several things may happen as a result of this attempt:
 

• You will be criticized for thinking you could possibly understand and empathize with the experience of another.  Some will say “How dare you presume to understand our experience??
• A few may applaud you for attempting to start an open, honest discussion which might lead to both sides being more open to hearing the other.
• A few might respectfully let you know what you seem to understand you did not.

 
Anytime any of us publicly share thoughts or feelings about issues which have resulted in pain for some, we should be prepared for these possible responses. If we take the responses of others personally our efforts will not result in an honest, open dialogue.   I appreciate the fact that this can be tough, especially when one’s integrity, intelligence and basic worth may be attacked as a way to deflect a tough look at the issue.   
 
Clearly, we all need to begin with the admission that one cannot literally walk in the shoes of another; one cannot pretend to understand or experience the nuances of all the factors which affected the journey of another.
 
For many a lifetime of not being  truly heard will ensure that they are leery of anyone who is brave enough to suggest that they can or will. 
 
Yet, the bottom line is that if we are to create a more just and loving world we must begin to practice listening until we find that common ground of shared reality.   Most of us will find that we have more in common than we do differences.  For example, the 1 % parents feel the same grief that the poorest of parents feel when they lose a child to drug overdose. The 1% parents may have a less stressful time planning the funeral since they will not need to ask for help with financing it. The 1% may have some temporary relief from donating a library or some other monument to the memory of their deceased child, but at night when all the doors are closed there is still an empty bed and/or room. There is still the absence of shared laughter or even the comfort of the aliveness of a passionate argument.   If we have not lost a child to addiction or some other tragedy we may want to avoid the loss of breath at the very thought but we know the fear of sending a child out to school by themselves or sending them off to fight in a faraway country,
 
Many of us know what it is like to be poor but not to travel thousands of miles from pain, misery and the false promise of home to risk being turned away at the border or told to wait in Mexico.   Yet we parents know what it is to want at least a little of hope for our children. 
 
We may have to allow for the possibility that our hope for our children is common ground.  We may have to stretch our imaginations to think of leaving country, language, and culture to risk being treated like diseased cattle which has wandered over the border and has no value.  We may have to reach deep to connect a shared experience of fear – no matter that the cause of our fear is not the same. Do we not all know fear?
 
We have to start somewhere and risk rejection, ridicule, and angry distain.  We may have to sit with love as our willingness to walk through the fire with our brothers and sisters is tested.
 
No, I do not have the right shoes or the right size shoe to carry the pain you have to carry and, yet, I can listen as you share your pain.  I can listen and claim common humanity and interdependence.
 
Written January 25, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​Chatter
 
I regularly receive and read Seth Godin’s blog. It is one of the few marketing and business blogs which I consider a must read.  Unlike my very wordy blogs his are usually very succinct and contain very helpful reminders.  Today his blog,  uses the example of Jerry Garcia who “performed thousands of times, and he was the only one who heard every performance.”    He goes on to say “The same is true for the work you’ve created, the writing you’ve done, the noise in your head-you’re the only person who has heard every bit of it….Tell us what we need to know.  Not because you need to hear yourself repeat it, but because you believe we need to hear it.”
 
If I am honest with myself sometimes what I write I know I need to hear but I may incorrectly assume you, the reader, need to hear it.   I have a lot of chatter in my head much of which I would do well to ignore.  Others certainly do not need to hear this chatter. Sometimes I repeat what I have previously said just because I think the reader or some readers have not heard me.  Perhaps they have heard just fine and simply disagree with me.
 
This challenge from Seth Godin is one I need to hear.  Mr. Godin followed his own advice when writing his brief blog today.
 
I am reminded of the group readings at NA meetings, the first of which is “Who is an Addict”.   It says:
 
“We are not interested in what or how much you used or who your connections were, what you have done in the past, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to do about your problem and how we can help.”
 
It seems to me that the core of the advice from Seth Godin is to focus on problem solving.   This morning I had an appointment card which said I had an appointment with the dentist. When I did not get a call to confirm the appointment I called the office staff.   For some reason the appointment had not gotten saved in their computer or there had been some other error.  I appreciated the apology of the hygienist  and assured her that all that was important was that we schedule another appointment. I had made a similar mistake recently in my office schedule.   Both of us will, of course, attempt to  prevent such future errors. We rescheduled.  End of story.
 
In another situation I “heard myself” starting to complain and, thus, fail to follow my own advice.  I quickly shut my mouth but not before a negative tone slipped into my voice.  No one needed to hear a tone which was not focused on problem solving .
 
For today my intention is to do my best to distinguish between sharing chatter run amok –  via voice, paper or the computer - and what I think others need or would find useful to hear.
 
Written January 23, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Where does it hurt?
 
I am sure that I have written on this topic previously, but as is my habit I did not look for or at my previous blog on this subject.  I am, of course, always hopeful that my perspective and thinking has evolved or at least reach a new level of questioning.
 
The question is not original.   Ruby Sales in  her September 15, 2016 conversation with Krista Tippett talks about her earliest memory of asking that question. (program rebroadcast January 16, 2020).   She says “I was getting my locks washed, and my locker’s daughter came in one morning , and she had been hustling all night. And she had sores on her body. And she was just in a state –drugs. So something said to me, ask her: ‘Where does it hurt?’  And I said, ‘Shelley where does in hurt?’”
 
Earlier in her conversation with Ms. Tippet, Ms. Sales asks, “What is that public theology can say to the white person in Massachusetts who’s been heroin-addicted?  I don’t hear anyone speaking to the 45-year-old person in Appalachia who feels like they’ve been eradicated, because whiteness is so much smaller today than it was yesterday.”
 
This question has been much on my mind as I attempted to “listen”
 to the responses to my recent blog about our relationship with guns and the second amendment and my follow up blog on listening with an open heart and mind.    
 
I was encouraged by the fact that several people who both agreed and disagreed read and commented on the blog posts.   I was also told that a number of others read what I had written but did not indicate that on the blog post.   Certainly I was not surprised that people in both ends of the spectrum feel very passionate about these issues.   I am well aware that there are a variety of emotions which influence one’s thoughts and reactions to these subjects.   My best guess is that two emotions underlie many of the responses:  fear and loneliness.  Another word for loneliness might be disconnected. 
 
I have suggested that I need to learn to listen to the pain which lies beneath the passion  of many.   I could easily borrow Ruby Sales question and ask, “Where does it hurt?”   This is the essential question which must be addressed to those who are in early recovery from addictions to drugs and other substance and behaviors.    All of those to whom I have talked feel as if they have lost not only a significant piece of their own journey but have witnessed and live with the death of  spouses, family members and other friends .  So far on this 22 day of January I am personally aware of 10 overdose deaths just in this small area of the Ohio Valley.    That means that her are at least 20 times 10 family members, friends, colleagues, health care workers hurting as a result of these deaths.  All or most of these have been living with the fear of overdose of that person for many years.    We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?”    All those who have passionate emotions across of spectrum on our relationships with guns often come from a place of fear and extreme sadness.  We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?”   
 
Many of our friends - fellow citizens - have family members serving in a combat area with the United States Military.   We need to ask them, “Where does it hurt?”  we need to ask the service member, “Where does it hurt when your friends die or  lose body parts? Where does it hurt when you kill another human being no matter what label is used to dehumanize them?”
 
We live in  a seemingly very sharply divided country among many other countries with deep divisions.   What might happen if instead of judging or attempting to dehumanize those who speak of as others if we asked, “Where does it hurt?”   We could also ask, “What is your loneliness like?”   “What is your fear like?”   or “What is the pain of your hunger or the hunger of your children like?”
 
The question is easy to ask. Being ready and willing to hear the answer with an open mind and heart might be frightening for many of us.   Being willing allow the answers to touch our own hurt may feel like an even bigger risk.  I suspect, however, that the biggest risk of all is not  asking ourselves and others, “Where does it hurt.? “and commit to hearing the response.  To refuse to ask or hear is to resign ourselves to the living dead.
 
Written January 22, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Keep Listening
 
This morning I was delighted to find several comments on yesterday’s blog post some of which were not in agreement with what I wrote.  I  did not respond although some others did so in a loving and respectful manner.  Over the weekend on one of sites  I received a very negative message directed at who I as a person. The  same person attached a frowning face to many of my blog posts. Again I did not respond. I did confirm who I thought the person is and that that what she alleged someone said they did not say.    In both cases  my goal was  to hold on to my commitment  to listen beneath the words as well as to the words. 
 
It does not come naturally to this human to listen with an open mind and heart to those who disagree on a subject about which I feel passionate.   It also does not come naturally to me to listen to the pain beneath false accusations of someone.  Yet, I believe that is what we need to do.   In the case of the person who made such harsh false accusations I need to remember that her goal is to hurt me because she is unable to face her own demons.  She may even believe what she is saying but, at some level, I suspect all she knows it is her pain she is avoiding.
 
The person whose opinion about the subject I addressed in yesterday’s. blog is one I need to hear.  It is not helpful If I  just disagree with him or throw sound bites at him.   Some others did disagree with him and offered some basis for their disagreement.     Perhaps he will hear and rethink some of this opinion and perhaps I and others will hear how important these issues are to him.
 
I write blogs almost daily because I believe:
 

• I need to see if the thoughts in my head arel clear when they appear on paper or the computer screen.
• I need  to have the courage to express opinions even when they are unpopular; even if I know that they  will elicit a strong  negative response from some others.
• I need to practice listening with an open mind and heart.

 
Listening  with an open mind and heart means for me:

• Remembering that what I am saying in an opinion and not “the truth” or “the facts”.  I may get new information which convinces me of a new truth. My education is very limited despite how much I read and solicit the opinions of others.
• Remembering  that what others are saying or doing is not personal even when it is directed against me and may personally affect my personal or professional life. 
• Stay open to discovering  I have said or done something – intentional or not – which was hurtful to others and that I  need to make amends.

 
Just for today I will “practice” listening with an open mind and heart.   I say practice because I am not yet able to consistently do this well.
 
Written January 21, 2020
Jimmy F  Pickett
Coachpickett.org

​The love affair with guns in the United States
 
Some might think that a proposal in Virginia for universal backgrounds checks for perspective gun purchasers,  a ban on military style guns and the ability to temporarily take guns from those deemed dangerous to themselves and others would not be controversial.  Yet, many who refer to themselves s gun rights advocates or second amendment advocates say they will not comply with the law.   This same group of people is asserting that guns save lives.
 
I am fascinated that the rally against the proposed legislation was to take place on the day set aside to honor the memory and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who is best remembered for the power of his non-violent approach to creating a more just and loving society.  I am also fascinated by the tenacity of many in the United States who sincerely believe that guns save lives long term; that responding to violence is consistent with the teachings of the God of their understanding and even, for those who believe Jesus to be their primary spiritual teacher. 
 
I am not a vegetarian.  I eat fish, chicken, pork and beef and have on occasion eaten the meat of other animals.   Although I like to try to  limit my intake to the meat of those animals who are raised and killed with  as little mistreatment or pain as possible, I can hardly assert that I am against the killing and eating of  animals.   I also grew up being grateful for the gift of an animal killed with a gun – a hunting rifle.  My parents also owned a handgun although I have no memory of either of them threating or shooting anyone with any type of gun.  Many of my relatives and friends currently have open carry or concealed carry permits for handguns.
 
Personally, even though I am a Veteran of the United States Navy, I do not own any type of gun and have not allowed guns in my home for many years.  Since I do not have a security check in system I assume that some friends have carried guns into my home although most respect my request to not do so.
 
I am not convinced that guns save many lives or in the long term save more lives than are killed by them.  I do know that there are very concrete examples where, certainly, short term  violence is decreased because someone possessed and used a gun to kill a person who was in the process of killing others with gun.
 
My concerns are:
 

• If we continue to assert that guns are the best way to stop behavior which is dangerous or to some undesirable then those who are unhappy with or disagree with others will continue to believe their only option is to use guns to kill.
• It does not make sense for a person whose mind is not able to experience a shared reality should be encouraged or allowed to possess a gun.
• I cannot envision a situation in which I think a military style weapon is needed by a private citizen or even a law enforcement person.
• I believe that we can develop  ways to restraining others which is not lethal.
• We may need to expand our understanding of mentally competent or incompetent.
• The manufacture and sales of guns  when the primary motive is profit should, I think, frighten all of us.
• Long term non-violence is a more powerful change agent than violence.
• We have legal law enforcement individuals and organizations at the local, state and federal level which could be considered  to satisfy the intent of the second amendment.
• Since the ratification of the second amendment to the constitution in 1791 our ability to mass produce guns of all types has greatly increased.   A 2017 Gallup poll found that the country’s 393 million guns are distributed amount 50 million households.  (June 19, 2018 Washington Post and other sources)
• July 22, 2019 Health Day News reported that “For each 10% jump in home ownership of guns, the risk of someone in the household being killed rises by 13%.  The risk of a nonfamily member getting murdered is increased by 2% with gun ownership, researchers found.”

 
 
I am well aware that one can find a plethora of statistics to support just about any opinion. Thus one has to be careful in quoting statistics.
 
The bottom line for me is that the life and legacy of Gandhi, Martin Luther King and others shows me that non-violence works; that nonviolence leads to more permanent change.    I also believe that the long-term health of the planet and, in fact, the universe (s) are dependent on us humans learning to live in synch with each other and the rest of the universe (s).

Written January 20. 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​To practice these principles in all my affairs
 
For those who know that they have an illness of the body and the spirit involving addiction to alcohol, other drugs, food, sex or other substances outside their bodies the 12-step approach to healing has literally and spiritually been a lifesaver.   The 12th step of the program is “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to (others suffering from the same addiction), and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”
 
Many, when they begin their road to recovery/healing and are introduced to the 12-step program are confused by the assertion that it is a spiritual program.  While it is true that in some meetings and some segments of the 12-step approach it seems that a very Christian concept of God is referred to often most understand that a God of one’s understanding or a power greater than oneself is the center of this healing approach.  Some may come to the 12-step program with a very negative historical experience with religion.  Some may come with a background in the Jewish faith, the Muslim faith  or no faith in any divine being or power greater than oneself. Some arrive with a history of not having parents who were healthy enough to depend on and, thus, have not been able to trust any other person or being.  
 
Once someone begins to accept the possibility of a “we”  - of not having to do this journey alone – and  accepting that the answer is not running via the use of alcohol, other drugs or something else such as sex, money or power they are ready to begin to be open to facing themselves as the broken human they are without any shame but with the ability to be accountable and to make amends to themselves and others except when to do so would cause more injury. Only then is one ready to deal with issues ,including one’s own mistakes, as they arise and to become  a person who can reach out and help others.
 
On this weekend set aside in many parts of the country to remember and honor Martin Luther King Jr. the challenge is to trust that indeed “We can overcome.”  We can overcome our human fears.  We can overcome our human temptation to run when someone threatens and uses violence towards us or others. We can overcome by not responding to violence with violence.  We can overcome when someone treats us as less then and makes false accusations.  We can overcome by responding to hate borne of fear with love.  We can all follow the 12 step as we together face the challenges and opportunities presented to us.
 
We can practice these principles in all our affairs; focus on being accountable without same;  set aside our fear of trust and work together to demonstrate a more just, inclusive dance;  accept our humanness and the humanness of others which can be very cruel at times; resist the temptation to take the behavior of others as personal even when the effect is personal. This  is the challenge which the life work of the  very human Martin Luther King Jr.  presents.
 
Today I will be mindful of the blessing of the challenge to “practice these principles in all my affairs.”  I will fall short and need to make amends. I will get up and try again.  I will respond to hate with love and non-violence.
 
 
Written January 19, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org