​Sunday Musings - October 1, 2023
 
Daily I am reminded that this life journey, even if one lives to be 100+ years, is very brief.
 
In the end we will not leave much of importance.  We may leave a piece of music, a painting, a sculpture, a choreographed dance, or some other record which tickles the mind of future humans.  We will certainly leave some memories some of which may comfort at least one generation of those who continue.  We will probably leave objects we have gathered over a lifetime which someone will have to gather up and dispose of.  Most will go to a thrift shop or the local dump.  Perhaps we will leave a tiny bit of wisdom which was left to us in by those who proceeded us.  Sadly, some of us will leave layers of trauma, fear, and pain.  This may have been intentional or unintentional.  Some of us never experienced healing of our own wounds and, thus, deposited the residue of those wounds on family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors.
 
What matters during this journey is our core values and the extent to which they direct our daily behavior.  I often chat with others about core values - theirs and mine.   For me core values are the basics of what is essentially important.  It seems important to distinguish core values from preferences or what may momentarily “seem” important.   I prefer to maintain my home in certain manner.  I prefer to maintain a regular work schedule. I prefer certain meals, clothes, a standard of living, a safe car, some money saved for retirement, to be treated with respect and dignity, and to enjoy decent physical and emotional health.  My core values include:
 

• Honoring the fact that I am part of the whole; that my behavior affects the entire universe of which I am a part.  That whole may be called God. “I am”, “the energy which is neither created nor destroyed” or “love.”
• Behaving in a way which values relationships over tasks.
• Remembering that I am in no position to judge another — I have not walked in their shoes and do not know the factors which affect the reality which their complex brain records.
• Treating my body as sacred.
• Remaining humble/teachable,
• Forgiving quickly and lovingly - myself and others
• Not labeling or as my teacher says dropping the dualities and being present with what is.
• Approaching life as simply as a 4-year-old.

 
Naturally, being the human I am, I must daily remind myself of these values and set simple spiritual goals for the day; goals I may forget or need to change as the day progresses.  Some days the best I can do is to enjoy my morning coffee, be in awe of the birds which visit, get out of bed, vomit the negative thoughts, ride the clouds, get dressed and play grownup.  Some days I may be mostly present to myself, others, and the universe.  On rare days I may be in synch with the universe and accepting of all that is.  Other days I might decide I am not fit for other humans and, if possible, return to bed or sit quietly and read a novel.
 
Ultimately the goal is to daily strive to be my best human self.  That is enough.  It is not important if I have the most fashionable costume, a well-kept house, am always politically correct, live in a mansion or whether I have contributed to Mr. Bezos’s bank account.  It is not important if my team won, or I created a symphony which rivals those of Mozart.  It is merely important that I do my personal best to leave love and not hate; to leave more energy that I took; to perhaps leave as little material stuff as possible for someone to have to dispose of when I die.
 
As Porky Pig of Looney Tunes would say: “That’s all folks”.
 
Written October 1, 2023
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
         
         

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Sunday Musings - September 24, 2023
Righteous
 
It is not surprising that I often hear or talk to individuals who seem to be attached to what I term righteous anger.   
 
On a recent trip I listened to talk radio and often heard ministers and politicians who seemed to be convinced that they were entitled to righteous anger.   They seemed convinced they or the group with which they are associated have access to “the moral, justifiable truth”.   These individuals seemed to span many political and religious groups.
 
There is a union strike going on among the auto workers. Many who defend this group of workers are convinced that it is morally wrong for the CEO and other executives of auto companies in the United States to be making upwards of $29,000,000.00 while may be as much as 400 times the salary of the average worker.  Those who disagree are convinced that the union representatives are being unreasonable and insensitive to the long-term realities of the business of switching to manufacturing electric cars. Both sides are righteously angry at the other,
 
Most or certainly many of us have a family member or close friend who is righteously angry with someone in the family.  The righteously angry person or persons may be convinced that they have been grievously wronged to such an extent that they cannot conceive of ever having a relationship with that person or segment of the family again.
 
It might seem as if the righteously angry person or persons who are in possession of the truth of their unquestionable morality have devised a system which scientifically assigns a certain number of points to each behavior they deem is unkind, unacceptable, immoral, or unethical. They can then daily record these points to determine those who deserve righteous anger on any day or during this life journey.   The person or group who is righteously angry has fewer negative points or perhaps no points at all.   They are, after all, righteous.  
 
Any of can fall into the trap of judging others from our superior moral or righteous stance.  I have, for example, “found myself” judging those who I experienced to be judgmental.
 
Wise teachers or sages throughout history have advised those who are attached to righteous anger or judgment to forgive just as “one would want to be forgiven”.   Some have suggested that one do “a searching fearless” and moral inventory, not for the purpose of shaming oneself, but for the purpose of sharing ones “sins “(hurting self an others), with another and then making amends when possible and when it would not cause further harm.  Some have suggested that we must first forgive ourselves; accept our own humanness before we are able to accept others as the imperfect humans they are.  Others have suggested that those who believe they have never hurt themselves, others, or the universe throw the first stone at “other sinners”.  
 
Many Christian churches continue to use much of what is written in the original manuscript of the 1662 Book of Common Prayers.  One of the prayers for forgiveness reads in part:
 
“Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.”
 
Many who attend churches, temples, or synagogue use either this or another prayer to guide one in acknowledging that we are all, at times, hurtful to ourselves, others, and mother earth.  Yet, often when one leaves that religious service one stops at the cloak closet on the way out of the building and picks up one’s righteous anger.  Obviously if we all are hurtful at times – all sin – one cannot adopt the dance of righteous anger. There are those of who direct the righteous anger at themselves.  Even then one may believe others are responsible for one’s “sins”.
 
My spiritual teacher who happens to be a Buddhist introduced me to the concept of shenpa. I have written blogs on the concept of Shenpa.  
 
Some translate shenpa as attachment, that sticky feeling or hooked.    Mangala Shyri Bhuti in Shenpa: The Visceral Experience of Ego-Clinging defines it as ego clinging. The term ego clinging, in my mind, equates with what I call the attachment to righteous anger.  Any time one’s sense of self is contained in one’s attachment to being morally right at the expense of the person who disagrees with one, one cannot afford to let it go for fear of losing self.   
 
Obviously, all of us have strong feelings or beliefs about a range of topics.  I, for example, believe in non-violence but I can accept that many do not.  I also must admit that I really do not know if I would remain non-violent if someone were attacking my child or someone else. I cannot say what I would do if I were living in Ukraine or some other country under attack.  I know/believe that it is entirely possible that given a certain set of circumstances I might rethink or change my beliefs.  Even if I do not, I must respect the opinion of those who believe differently.  I am convinced that we do not see with our eyes or hear with our ears.  We translate all sound and light waves with our brain based on a variety of factors.
 
My spiritual teachers suggest that it is always safe to let go of righteous anger – to let go of ego clinging.  We are not our ego which has x belief or experience.  One has x belief.  As soon as one separate oneself from one’s ego clinging or attachment to fear, opinion or need to be right one can open to the humanness of the other.  Once one does that the righteous anger releases its hold and one is free to love.  Righteous anger/ego clinging blocks love; blocks freedom.
 
Written September 24, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 

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Sunday Musings - September 17, 2023
The next right thing or the next thing
 
I have previously written on the subject of justice.  It remains a very elusive concept.   What is justice if someone murders a family member?  What is justice if a family member steals directly or indirectly from one?  What is justice when someone carelessly runs a red light, totals one’s car and send people to the hospital with serious injuries?  What is justice when one cannot afford the high cost of some medication while the CEO of the manufacturer is paid millions of dollars?  What is justice when mother nature destroys one’s house and one discovers the insurance company says it is an act of God which is not covered by one’s plan?   How do we ever know that our response to all life throws at us is just?
 
Carl Jung is sometimes credited with the recommendation that one “Do the next right thing,” This recommendation was later adopted by many of the 12 step programs. 
 
Elizabeth Elliott suggested one just do the next thing.
 
When any of us has been wronged or injured by the “apparent” deliberate behavior of another we may feel anger and want the other person or persons to be as hurt or injured just as we were. Thus, for the one who murders a loved one a lifetime prison sentence or even death might seem like the only possible justice.   One commonly hears from those affected by a life-threatening or life taking action the person or persons responsible need to suffer as much as one’s loved one did.
 
Many factors may constrain us from doing anything to ensure that a punishing concept of justice is enacted.  These may include:
 

• Not wanting to cause harm to the “innocent” family of the person who insured one.

 

• Fear of disobeying the god of one’s understanding who may have taught that one is to pray for or love one’s enemies.

 

• Not wanting the action of others to determine one’s behavior.  

 

• A belief that it is one’s responsibility to stop the cycle of violence - physical or emotional.

 

• Knowledge that addiction is a mental illness whether that addiction is to money, power, alcohol, other drugs, sex, power, outward prestige (i. e. the corner office, title, or some other reward.)

 

• Knowledge that mental illness may be an inability to experience a shared reality; to consider how all of one’s behavior affects the entire universe.

 
         
Even if one of the above is one’s reason for not seeking revenge or some other idea of  punishing “justice” one may find it difficult to let go of the fear that underlies one’s hurt and anger.   That fear may be generalized resulting in one being distrustful of most people.  One may feel as if all that was important - the ability to have close relationships which is so essential for survival for us humans - has been stolen and seemingly cannot be reclaimed.
 
Perhaps justice is the power to hold on to one’s core values no matter what others do or do not do.   Sadly, many of us humans cannot clearly articulate our core values; those values which are central to one’s self concept.  If, for example, one thinks of oneself as one who sincerely believes in the non-violent teaching of such teachers as Jesus, the Buddha, and Martin Luther King Jr one will not want to respond to emotional or physical violence with violence.   One may sincerely believe that none of us can avoid hurting ourselves, each other, and Mother Nature; that the nature of being human is to be imperfect. If this is the case the teaching attributed to Jesus to “let the one who is without sin thrown the first stone” may come to mind.
 
Clearly, justice entails the need to limit the actions of the person who is “unable” to consider the rights and needs of others. We may need to lovingly limit their behavior just as we do for those living with diseases such as some brain tumors, dementia, and other medical conditions.  We have accepted that certain conditions do not allow rational thought or a shared reality.  We are, however, reluctant to apply that understanding so liberally that it seems as if we eliminate personnal responsibility or ability to think fairly and rationally.  Yet, we must continue to study the factors which affect one’s ability to have a shared reality; to consider the rights and needs of others.  If we are going to err perhaps we should err on the side of compassion.
 
Written September 17, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday Musings, September 10, 2023
Building community


When I think of community, I often think of the word church. In rural Oklahoma where I grew up the church was often the center of community. It still is in some places although this is increasingly not the case.  Church for me was the organization which was born out of the teachings of Jesus who gathered folks together to eat, visit, learn and heal.


Religious people often gather in churches, temples, or synagogues.  Some gather in 12 step meetings as they help each other recover from various addictions. At some 12 step meetings the gathering is closed by participants joining in a circle and saying the serenity prayer, some other prayer or sage reminder.


When people gather in a circle – community - it can be more difficult to hold on to an us and them mentality.  Within that community all welcome births, bless marriages and celebrate life and in some case, eternal life. In some communities there may also be a strong, shared understanding of child rearing. In the African American Church, I often hear the term church baby or child.  All share in the caring for the children and each other.


Many churches are now composed mainly of some of my contemporaries -a few older people - who can no longer financially support a paid leader, other staff, or cost of the maintenance of a building.  Several churches may share a guest preacher on Sundays who may also be available for weddings and funerals.  Increasing they are being forced to face the financial reality that they can no longer retain that shared gathering space.  They may or may not be able to join the remanent of other dying religious groups Soon, without the influx of young people, they will be history.
Many people do gather at concerts and sporting events.  Some people form small groups centered around hobbies such as bike riding, camping, or fishing.  Increasingly in this country shooting sports groups are popular group.  When asked about the attraction many use words which strongly suggest a sense of community including friendly competition and a sense of team. The focus is not on the dangers of having guns in the home or on the fact that guns are used to kill other humans.  It is not surprising that the NRA is often a sponsor or supporter of these teams.  
With the internet and such platforms as zoom, many will form like-minded remote communities of those who share a hobby, political theories, a belief in being victimized, sexual interests or even financial beliefs or goals. There are some retirement communities such as the Villages in Florida who share not only a financial history allowing them to afford to live in that community but increasing a political ideology which may or may not originate in the economic theories and what has worked for them financially. While there are homes in The Villages starting at over $400.000.00 the average annual expense of many of the residents is around $65,000.00 (2021) which allows one to use many of the facilities.  The shared facilities help to ensure a sense of community. Historically, surveys indicate the inhabitants of The Villages form a community which leans to the political right (See article in the Bulwark by William Steiner, July 6, 2020 – “Old, White, and Right: The Politics of The Villages.”)


There are other intentional communities such as those formed in the sixties or even earlier. These include the Bruderhof, Twin Oaks and many others. There are also co-hosting communities and other attempts to share resources forming a strong sense of community which usually does not involve a higher being.   Many self-help programs may provide a sense of home and community.


Still, significant segments of our nation report feeling lonely, isolated and without a sense of community.


As organized religious communities continue to fail to offer the sense of community which most of we humans require if we are to thrive, it seems as if cult like, political ideologies-based groups and such teams as competitive shooting groups are an attractive alternative for many. For those of us do not experience such groups as an attractive intellectual or emotional glue new alternatives must be explored.  


Whether we are talking about our day to day working community or the encompassing community which forms our universe, we humans need a sense of community (connection).  The failure to create such communities – to embrace our common humanness – could well result in the ongoing rise of emotional and physical suicide, the feeding of emotionally charged right wing and conservative religious groups who preach obedience to a sexist, heterosexual, and non-scientific god. The members of these groups often seem to endorse the need to destroy evil which may be defined as any behavior or belief which is different than theirs.


The bottom line is we are social animals, and, as a species with some exceptions, require community.  If those of us who believe in inclusiveness, nonviolence, and respect for all of nature, do not create healthy, positive alternatives for community then more people will be drawn to those who worship the god of us and them and who advocate the destruction of all that is not them.


Written Septermer 10, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Sunday Musings - September 3, 2023
Time to dream.
 
August 28, 2023, was the 60th anniversary of the famous 1963 “I Have a Dream” speech by Martin Luther King, Jr.  Many lines from that speech are often quoted. One of those lines was “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
 
Sadly, 60 years later, that dream is not manifest reality.  The artificial construct of race or skin color continue to be used to deal with the fear and grief of many.    We humans often, it seems, need someone or something to blame for our distress.  It is human nature to attempt to problem solve.  Thus, if we are feeling sad, angry, discounted, or isolated we look for a cause.  Frequently we look for a cause outside of ourselves.  In our minds we may make a connection between our distress and the perceived actions or very essence of another person, a group or a situation thus feeding the lie.
 
King’s dream of using non-violence to target the root cause of fear, insecurity and injustice was designed to stop this cycle of blame and hatred.  I was at the 1963 speech.  Sadly, I missed the 60the anniversary celebration in DC.   I followed the gathering and was again reminded that change always begins with a vision; that change requires we look down from the mountain top and see new possibilities.  
 
In response to or in remembrance of that 1963 speech many have been asking young people and others to risk articulating their dreams.
 
Many dream for a day when:

• There is an end to violence:  mass shootings, suicides, police killings as a way to respond to violence including sexual violence and violence by groups or countries.

 

• We teach history as accurately as possible with the goal of learning not to repeat the action which resulted in destructive and hateful behavior.

 

• There is an affirming relationship with the earth.

 

• Laws are based on science and not prejudice or fear.

 

• Women have control over their bodies.

 

• All of us own and deal with our fear rather than trying to oppress and control others.

 

• Resources such as food, climate control, shelter, and health care are shared based on need and not power or prejudice.

 

• We are all respected for who we are and not based on our claimed gender, sexual orientation, skin pigmentation or other perceived difference.

 

• We teach children to embrace their sexuality without shame or oppressing others.

 

• It is safe to own the perfect, imperfectness of our humanness.

 

• Single use plastic is history.

 

• All embrace public transportation.

 

• Relationships and not tasks are primary.

 

• We no longer worship phones and other devices as gods.

 

• Gender identification is not used as a justification for abuse and privilege.

 

• The foundations of economic systems are creative ways of taking care of each other.

 

• Child rearing is acknowledged as a community responsibility.

 

• We train and celebrate community leaders instead of worshiping professional politicians.

 

• School is designed to teach skills needed to take care of us and each other and not to one up or oppress one another.

 

• We do not quit dreaming once we enter Kindergarten, and we are teaching the skills to make those dreams reality. 

 
When we quit dreaming of creating more just, equitable, cooperative, loving, fun connections with each other we become despondent, lonely, mistrustful, and angry.  When we cannot find a loving purpose for living the suicide rate goes up, escape using addictive drugs rises, empathy goes down, and hurtful actions including mass shootings or other life stealing destructive behavior become normalized.  When we quit dreaming, we defend the “right” to buy and use assault type weapons, incarcerate the mentally ill, and find other ways of creating and us and then society.  Us and them leads to the loss of any semblance of a democratic republic.
 
As we approach the celebration of Labor Day, let us reclaim our dreams including the dream of labor which contributes to creating a safe community; a community in which the implicit dream of those who wrote the Declaration of Independence become reality for all people; a world in which the dream of Martin Luther King become reality for all who live and seek refuge in this country:
 
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” (Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776)
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”  (Martin Luther King, Jr. “I Have a Dream” August 28, 1963)
Written September 3, 2023
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org