​Spiritual consistently!
 
 It seems as if many of us can fall into the trap of attempting to keep spiritual, emotional and professional goals separate from each other.
I recall watching some episodes of the television show “The Sopranos” some years ago.   It seemed as if the main character, Tony, defined success in his business life in terms of power and money.   In his personal life, loyalty, love, and care taking seems to be the chief characteristics of success.   Tony, the family man, was very likeable and someone I might have enjoyed getting to know.  In his professional life, loyalty was still an important characteristic but if someone did not behave in a way which was consistent with the goals of the work family, he could make a decision to have the person killed.   The chief goals of the “business” seemed to be power and making money.  Of course, without power over others the organization did not make any money.  Although most of us would not condone killing in our business or professional life, it is often clear that we often define success in our work life  as making money, getting a promotion or gaining power over our competition no matter who gets hurt in the process.
 
I suspect that many of us are tempted to see the greed of the pharmaceutical companies as an anomaly.  We would like to point fingers believing that we would never knowingly do something which we knew was hurtful to other people just to make money.  Yet, the truth is the owners or management of many companies expect one to be loyal to the goals of the organization or business even if those very  same goals are inconsistent with one’s stated moral values.    After all, one might tell oneself, it is “just business”.     It is not my intention to judge or condemn this practice.   I am not sure that many, if any, of us, have managed to consistently practice our spiritual values in all aspects of our life.   For example, as a professional counselor who used to bill insurance companies for the services I provided, I sometimes used a diagnostic code because it was what the insurance company would cover.  I would like to think that I always refused to do that but I am not  sure that is correct.   After all, as long as I believed that the presenting issues or symptoms of a client were genuinely affecting his or her health, it make sense to do all I could to make sure that the insurance company paid for the service.  Also, as a counselor, one learned to word the clinical notes to conform to evidence based procedure which the insurance companies often demanded even though actual therapy sessions were not as “neatly” organized as the notes might indicate.
 
Many organizations expect one to do whatever is needed to meet the  actual goals of the company; to meet the quota of clients, sales, sessions or whatever measuring stick is used. Although we live in an age when most organization have a mission statement which proclaims a lofty sounding spiritual or very humane goal, the truth is that the goal is often about keeping the organization alive. After all, no matter how lofty the goals if the organization crashes it cannot provide services to anyone.
 
It is not easy to consistently ensure that one use a spiritual measure of success in all areas of one’s life. After all, if one does not have a certain income one cannot care for one’s children or other loved one.  If one does not have a certain income one’s aged relatives might be forced to live out the last days in a facility where the underpaid and overworked staff are not able to provide the quality of care one would like.
 
I suspect that the best we can do is to follow the principles of the 12 strep program used by those recovering from an addictive disorder.  They practice:
 

• The HOW of the program – honestly, open mindedness and willingness.
• The “we” of the program  - sharing the process of decision making with trusted others.

 
My best thinking is not always clear or consistently spiritual.   I can easily convince myself that some decision is the best I can do until I share my thinking with someone I know is going to help me see it more clearly.  My trusted friends help me be honest with myself and willing to be open to trusting that if I do the next right thing I will get what I need to grow spiritually.  I cannot even approximate this goal if I do it alone.
 
Written September 30, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Sunday Musings – September 29, 2019
The story
 
Many wise ancestors posited that we are all our stories. The question always is, of course, is whether we are the story we tell ourselves, the story we want to be true,  the story which reveals our humanness, or the story others impose on us and which we sometimes adopt.  All of have, I am sure, known “other people” who have allowed others to write and impose a storyline on them.  Some allow  families to live vicariously through them. Some allow fear, shame, and regret to be their story.
 
As I visit friends and talk with other people this week I am acutely aware of  how much I am indebted to the challenge with which others have gifted me; the challenge to risk being honest and to dig deep within myself .   One of those people is a former clinical supervisor whom I have been visiting.  She required  I video tape individual, family and group sessions with clients and then account for or explain all of my responses or lack of responses during the sessions.   A simple, “I don’t know. It just felt right.” did not suffice.  She wanted me to explain how my action or inaction was consistent with a sound theoretical approach.   The theoretical approach might be my own but it better have some sound reasoning attached to it.  This approach to learning challenged me in my personal life as well.  She believed, as do I, that one should never recommend that a client do something which  we, as clinicians, were not willing to do.   Our circumstances might be different but the principle was the same.  The situations we might have to face might be unique but if we expected clients to face emotionally tough situations directly we best be prepared to practice the same in our own life.  Gradually I and others she taught were forced to own and live our own story; not the story of fear and shame.
 
Many of us grew up in far and shamed based families or religions.  Many of us learned that we were expected to follow in the footsteps of our parents or the dreams of our parents. In other words we were expected to live their story which might not be our story.  In the Southern Baptist Church I learned very little about the teachings of Jesus and a lot about an angry, vengeful, punishing God who did not approve of who I was; who knew my darkest secrets and was not pleased.  I tried my best to live a story based on fear.  Yet,  a part of me “knew” that Jesus and other teaches were accepting, and even welcoming of my secret story which existed only in my heart and mind.   
 
I am still both uncovering and discovering my story; of what it means to live from a standpoint of realism, strength and even faith in the ability of us humans to celebrate and take care of each other.  This requires a level of what those practicing a 12 step program of recovery call “the HOW of the program” – honesty, open mindedness and willingness. 
 
I believe we all have the ability to practice the HOW and to proudly live our story; the story of our unique strengths, talents and the courage to risk making mistakes.
 
Written September 29, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

​Nine young men
 
Last evening I was enjoying dinner with friends who have gathered in Burnsville, NC for a reunion.  These are friends who first met when working in Evansville, Indiana.  I had  arrived in Evansville fresh from some intensive training in working for/with those attempting to recover from active addiction and alcohol and other drugs.   I was in Evansville because I accepted a job offer while waiting for my ex-wife to decide where she wanted to live with our son.  Evansville was much closer to Pittsburgh than California or Alaska where we had been living when the decision to separate and divorce was sadly made.  Little did I know that I would forge friendships and professional relationships which would last the rest of my life.  In many ways I arrived in Evansville tired and somewhat broken. The woman who hired me and who would be my clinical supervisor and mentor, Beverly (ironically the same first name as my ex-wife) would lovingly challenge me to the person we were challenging our clients to claim.  I was to learn to face parts of me which I had managed to avoid.   She did not ask anything of me she had not been willing to face in her own life.  I learned a lot about what it meant to be a professional counselor, but most importantly what it mean to show up in a relationship.  We continue to challenge each other to grow.   
 
It was also in Evansville that I first become a member of a men’s consciousness raising group.   Essentially this was a group of men who had invited women into their lives that expected us adult boys to help each other learn what it meant to have an open, honest relationship with ourselves, with other men and with the women in our personal and professional lives.  These women made it very clear that it was not their job to finish raising us emotionally.    We learned that if we were to have healthy relationships with women we first had to allow ourselves to be strong, vulnerable, honest, loving men and not hide behind some caricatures  of our idea of John Wayne whose idea of toughness was to deny most emotions other than anger.
 
I would like to think that the young men of today are much healthier than many of us were as young men although sometimes it seems as if the same John Wayne, judgmental, emotionally distant concept of manhood is in charge of the world.   For many adult males it seems women are still objects to be used sexually, to raise children and to take care of we males.  The “me too” movement has certainly highlighted how often this attitude prevails in the boardrooms and all levels of the workplace.  We continue to be a culture which seems to think that there are good and bad people, that punishment is a good teaching tool, and that women in the workplace are to be tolerated even if we reluctantly admit that two incomes are necessary to pay the bills.
 
Yet, I know from my work and personal life, there are many men who do not need a combat situation or a professional sports platform to show affection to each other and to be nurturing partners with both the men and women in their lives.
 
Last night at the restaurant there were 9 young men sitting together having dinner.   From where I was sitting there were enjoying each other’s company without alcohol and without the game of one upmanship which so often characterize our relationships as adult males.   They genuinely seems to like and enjoy each other.  When we got ready to leave they held the door for one of the women in our group who was in a wheelchair and spoke to all of us.    They seemed very comfortable in their own skins with no need to prove anything.   I would love to be able to sit down and talk to each of these young men but it is unlikely that will happen.  They are for me, however, the symbol of the new world we can and are creating despite seeming significant evidence to the contrary.   Regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age, income, job or religion I  continue to believe that we can create a world in which we honor the sacredness of all  as tough, loving, affectionate, creative, members of a common tribe.
 
Written September 28, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Foothills, Mountains and Valleys
 
While driving through the foothills, mountains and valleys of the Blue Ridge Mountains in West Virginia, Tennessee and North Carolina yesterday it felt like a metaphor for my life which, I am sure, is the metaphor for the  basic dance of life for all of us.  Earlier in the day as I listened to my son’s podcast (giant panda) during which he interviewed  the author M. G. Hennessey about her most recent book  The Echo Park Castaways about a group of foster children “who create their own small family” to help them navigate the Los Angeles foster care system. In Los Angeles county  some estimates suggest that there are nearly 9000 homeless teens and the DCFS of Los Angeles County provides services to nearly 30 000 children.  Many of the homeless children are GLBT youth whose families have abandoned them.  The number of foster children includes these plus many who are directly and indirectly affected by addiction, particularly the opioid epidemic.
 
Obviously, some individuals experience more valleys than most of us.  Yet, some of those very same individuals also experience more mountains than many others.  Many are enormously resilient.  They thrive in spite of all the valleys and even sinkholes of life.   In many respects they are able to treat their experience as graduate and post doctoral school. Their particular life experiences provide the fortitude, realism, and determination to create a kinder and safer world. 
 
When I am listening to my son’s podcast I am filled with admiration of how he continues to use his life experiences in such a positive way.    Despite the long list of my actions and inactions  which fell far outside the parameters of what I would recommend to the parents with/for whom I work, I am aware that even if I had the power to change or correct even a few of those decisions my son’s life journey and his wise and empathic approach to his current life dance would be significantly altered.   Somehow he has taken all those foothills, mountains and valleys of life and is weaving an amazing tapestry.   He and his partner, their two dogs and their cat continue to create a dance which makes his mother and I proud.  I am sure his partner’s  parents are also be very proud of her.
 
I must live with my past, current and future decisions.  My tapestry is also woven from all these actions and inactions  - the consequences of all the decisions I have made and continue to make.   I cannot dwell on regrets but I must do the best I can to learn from them and make better decisions today.  I remain, as does my son, a work In progress.   It is up to all of us to use our experience, strength, and hope to face the fact that part of the overall collective tapestry we have woven is the number of homeless and foster children in the United States and the rest of the world.  We may not write books which inspire some of those same young foster children or volunteer to be mentor as does Ms. Hennessey, but we must, I think be accountable for the effects of our past and current decisions. Whether the decisions are  to be silent or vocal our dance will have a huge impact.  We never know how many lives we touch or who is observing and learning from our positive and negative actions.
 
One thing I know is that l want to own my own strengths and not downplay or misjudge the strength of others – especially those of young people.  Yet, I also do not want to downplay or misjudge the level of pain we can cause ourselves, our children and others.
 
The reality of the  foothills, mountains and valleys calm me just as they challenge me. In many respects, as I rest in the valleys,  the mountains nurture me as surely as did the  warmth and milk of my mothers breasts.    The Buddha would, I think, suggest that I breathe, drop the dualities and be quietly present as I listen to the wisdom of the foothills, mountains and valleys.
 
Written September 27, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

Beyond Survival
 
In the 170ies and 80ies if one was lucky enough to spend hours disco dancing, one remembers Gloria Gaynor singing the song written by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris “We will survive”. Actually the words alone do not do the song as interrupted by Gloria Gaynor justice.    While listening and dancing one knows one will not just survive but will also thrive.   I was thinking of experiencing this song while I listened to 2018 Ted Talk given by Mark Pollock and Simone George entitled “A love letter to realism in a time of grief”.   Mr. Pollock became blind at age 22, went on to run many  marathons. Then came the day he got up in the middle of the night and while feeling his way along the wall, fell out of an open window resulting in multiple injuries including paralysis.  Later with the assistance of a robot he regains some movement and continues his quest for a way to restore more of the functioning of those who are left with similar injuries.   
 
As I often do  he reads and rereads Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s search for Meaning” in which Frankl quotes Nietzsche “He, who has a Why to live, can bear with almost any How.”   I have often read and pondered this quote. Mr. Pollock also talked about his studies of those who have survived really tough  life experiences and the tension between acceptance and hope.  He calls the response which works best that of a realist.   He says “…the optimists rely only on hope alone and they risk being disappointed and demoralized.  The realists, on the other hand, they accept the brutal facts and they keep hope alive, as well. They have managed to resolve the tension between acceptance and hope by running them in parallel.”
 
As I have previously mentioned in my early life I was blessed to be put In the path of a few people who walked the tension between acceptance and hope;  Later on I deliberately sought out those who not only survived but seems to thrive through great adversity; from the likes of Jesus, the prophet Mohammed, the Buddha, Eleanor Roosevelt, Frederick Douglas, Martin Luther King, Jr, Coretta Scott King, and a host of others such as the Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, to those who created music in the Nazi death camps.  Sometimes the wisest, bravest person I meet is an amazing little girl born blind, or the parents of a wheel chair bound polio survivor whose parents gave her hope while not denying the reality of the Wheelchair, or the person arising out of the ashes of addiction to teach all of us how to live life with love and dignity.
 
The existential question I must ask as a licensed counselor is how we help ourselves and others embrace this tension between acceptance and hope; how one moves from despair to hope while not denying the reality of really tough life events.  Blindness, a history of addiction, loss of a beloved child, war, refuge status, paralyzing illness, loss of a career because of an accident or an illness just when one is about to touch the star of their dreams all threaten to send one to suicide – emotional, spiritual or physical. Yet there are those who accept what has happened but refuse to accept that they will never walk again; who believe that all of life is college, graduate school and post graduate school; all of life is an opportunity to strive to accept one’s situation without defining oneself by that situation.  In the eighties those dying with AIDS became those living with Aids’.  The disease which was real required acute care but did not define those living with it;  Just for today they had much living to do; much to contribute; much to teach.
 
If we are to walk with those in the midst of the opioid epidemic; those refugees praying for a home; those who homes are stolen by the changing climate; those living with deep grief we must trust that they have a why; that we who are working for/with them/walking with them just as they are walking with us have a purpose.  We need to offer a hug, but never, ever offer a pat on the head as if they are just pitiful and have no “why”!  We must believe in a collective  creative strength to find the cure for paralysis; to trust that the homeless, diseased addict with the yoke of a prison record is going to be the most valuable teacher we have ever encountered; to know that parent grieving that seemingly unbearable loss is going to walk with other grieving parents and give them hope while not denying their loss.
 
We will survive.  We will thrive.
 
Written September 25, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

​The sins of Sodom
 
I have a friend who posts at the bottom of every email, “Sodom’s sins were pride, gluttony, and laziness, while the poor and needy suffered outside her door. (Ezekiel NLT)”  Times have not changed much.   Social scientists who study depression and other illness which results in a feeling of disconnection continue to report that loneliness and a loss of the experience of a tribe are  the leading causes of  symptoms  which are often misdiagnosed as clinical depression.  Research does show  that a chemical imbalance is  the cause for a relatively small percentage of what is diagnosed as clinical depression. 
 
There have always been a significant number of humans who have believed that it was not enough or okay to be the imperfect beings that we are.  We look to material possessions, power, sex, degrees, food, alcohol, and other mind altering drugs to numb the pain of the belief that we are not enough and/or as an attempt to fill the empty, disconnected hole within us.  Not surprisingly  none of these work.  Indeed the sin is not pride, gluttony, or laziness but the self-obsessions which arises from the “dis ease” of looking in all the wrong places to be enough.  The self-obsession causes one to not see or identify with the poor and needy outside one’s door. The self-obsession which is caused by the lie that one is not enough leads to the lie that one had more because one deserves more; that the poor and needy choose to be poor and needy. Absent is any awareness of luck and winning the lottery for opportunity, a brain which works in a way which is compatible with what the society terms success, a sense of our own “dis ease” of believing we have to be better than.
 
Pride and gluttony or otherwise known as addiction is hard work.   Giving up/feeling hopeless or believing there is no hope - otherwise known as laziness –  is a result of depression and a cause of depression.    What then is the alternative?
 
The alternative is simple.  Accept that it is enough to be you and to be part of a tribe all of whom are enough.   I was listening to a story of a man who has been researching depression around the world.  He tells the story of a psychiatrist in England who, after evaluating a group of patients who he believed were not suffering from a chemical imbalance invited them to create a garden in the space behind his office building. He helped get the supplies.  Soon there was a tribe of people creating this wonderful garden;  The garden benefited not only that group of patients but also all who worked in the office building and all who came there as patients or service people.   The two key ingredients were being part of a tribe and having a sense of purpose – being able to leave a footprint of which they could be proud.
 
Today
 
I wish for all of us to know that we are enough.
I wish for all of us to know that being a part of the whole is enough.
I wish for all of us to know that we each have an essential role to play in keeping the universe balanced.
I wish for all of us to know we are loved.
I wish for all of us to know that it is safe to love.
I wish for all of us to know that we deserve healthy food, clothing to keep us warm and which protects us from the elements.
I wish for all of us to know that we deserve shelter, health care, and safe water.
I wish for all of us to know we do not have to suffer violence or to be violent.
 I wish for all of us to know we are enough to share equally in the earth’s resources.
I wish for all of us to know we do not need to fill the void of loneliness with alcohol, other drugs, sex, material possessions, food or steel shields
 
I wish for all of us to be free of the desperation of gluttony, greed and laziness/hopelessness.
 
 
Written September 23, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

Sunday Musings – September 22, 2019
 
It is another quiet Sunday here.  I am, of course, acutely aware that in many places in the world it is not quiet.  I am also aware that often the noisiest place is inside what passes some days for my brain.  Often it seems my human brains is filled with the chatter of:
 

• If only I had or I should have.
• If only he or she had acted in what I know is the “right” or kinder or healthy way.
• What if such and such happens?
• What if he if she does not love me best?
• What if I cannot solve this problem?
• What if my body demands rest when I have a busy schedule?
• What if the right person does not win the election?

 
I am quite sure that the potential list of subjects about which I endlessly chatter and over which I have no control could go on for pages and pages.   Many times a day I repeat the serenity prayer:
 
Serenity Prayer
- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

Regardless of one’s religious beliefs or lack of religious beliefs the first part of this prayers is a poignant reminder that there is not much over which we have control.   We certainly cannot change the past and, truth be told, would not, if we could.  We know if we changed one action or event of the past all of our subsequent history would change.   We also know that no matter what happens or comes our way we have all that we need. We are never alone. We have friends and colleagues who we can call upon for assistance or advice.  There is also, always “you tube” which has become the perfect home and office tool. There is not likely to be any issues or situation which someone else has not previously encountered.    
 
I was impressed when listening to a new report of some residents of Puerto Rico who, tired of waiting for government assistance, have banded together and are helping each other rebuild.  They could continue to dwell on the fact that it is not fair that they have received so little assistance, but repeated application for help has not resulted in it arriving for most people who experienced such devastating loss following hurricane Dorian.
 
Meditation or whatever system one uses, is a process of allowing the chatter to subside; to trust that it is safe to create some internal quiet space.   Ironically or paradoxically it is within that quiet space that one will see the next step to take. The chatter focuses on people, places and things over which one has no control.  The quiet allows that wise, inner voice to focus on what we do have control over; on the next healing step.
 
As is often the case, the answer seems quite simple and, yet, it often seems extremely difficult to trust the quiet. It is also difficult to interrupt the habit of the chatter.  One may have to be patient and not set time limits on when the chatter “should” stop. It will stop when it stops.  If one keeps returning to the breath, as with all else, there will arrive that magical moment when one suddenly realizes the chatter has stopped.  
 
Written September 22, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 

The Prediction Machine
 
The September 19, 2019 Edition of Oh Being with host Krista Tippett features a conversation with Erik Vance., author of Suggestible You:  The Curious Science of Your Brain’s Ability to Deceive, Transform and Heal.  As usual I urge the reader to listen to this fascinating discussion.
 
As a licensed counselor and certified addiction counselor I have long been interested in the power of our thoughts in the role of healing.    A host of thinkers and writers  including Noman Vincent Peal and Dr. Wayne Dyer have built upon the beliefs of our ancestors that our mind plays an enormous role in the how we experience this life journey. 
 
Some years ago I remembered listening to a guest on the NPR program The People’s Pharmacy say that a more helpful term for placebo’s is remembered wellness.   If the brain thinks it is getting something which will help the body to heal then it begins to send well messages or healing instructions to the body.   Mr. Vance and his colleagues are basically building on this theory by describing the brain as a prediction machine.   He says:  “Everything your brain does, it takes the past, it applies it to the present to predict the future.  And it does it in small ways-it’s basically creating a map of how the world works, based on the experiences that happen to it.”    His research further suggests that the brain does this with such diseases as “pain, irritable bowel syndrome, Parkinson’s disease, anxiety, depression, some autoimmune diseases, and maybe addiction – depending how you work on that; it’s a little harder to study – these things have high placebo rates.  But if you look at something like autism or OCD, they have low placebo response.”  Later on he and Ms. Tibbett talked about some the diseases such as cancer which the brain may not have any memory or map to apply to the healing process. Yet there are also example in some part of the world where directed energy by health care professional may have a profound effect on such conditions as tumors.
 
Almost all the work I do  is based on the belief that if one changes the internal map one can drastically affect how we experience the world and how our body works to heal itself.  Of course, in order for any machine to work it has to be maintained well.  Many of us expect our body to keep functioning well with poor nutrition, excess amount of alcohol, caffeine  and nicotine, little to no exercise, living around negative energy much of the time and  not imputing new information into our brain.  Obviously  if one stands back and thinks about this it is ridiculous.  Poorly maintained machines do not function well. 
 
My Buddhist teachers including Pema Chodron suggests one:
 

• Drop dualities.   Quit labeling thoughts or actions good, bad, right, wrong, positive, or negative.
• Just notice thoughts without feeding them.

 
When one makes predictions based on past experiences including past traumas one is predicting that what happened in the past has to predict what will happen in the future. One is feeding what has often become a belief.     Many beliefs are based on a very low N (N=number of experiences or events). This is very unscientific.   Even if one, for example, grew up in an alcoholic home and accumulated quite a number of negative experiences in that home, not all families are alcoholic.   N now refers to number of families and not events.   Of course, one also has to explore the common pattern of unwittingly choosing to be around alcoholic families thinking that one will finally find the healthy one.  One tends to look in same places if one does not know to be very intentional about making other choices.    When one labels an event one is also feeding the group of events which one has labeled as positive or negative.  Self-fulfilling prophecies ensue.    The goal is to just notice without comments.
 
The overall goal is, of course, to get more scientific in one’s analysis. Most of us know how to do that or can easily learn.  One can then change the brain so that it can make predictions based on the outcome of the scientific analysis.   If one repeatedly put more scientific information in the brain one changes the map in the brain.  
 
Written September 20, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
Of course this does not mean that  medication cannot also, at times, be a piece of the healing plan. Some medications may work with the brain in changing he predictions and thus the instructions sent to the rest of the body.     Acute clinical depression may require medication to  allow one to step back enough to reexamine the negative predictions of the depression. 
 
The bottom line is that as we learn more about the brain we know that brain maps can be altered.  The process is fairly simple.  Simple does not, however, mean easy.  Habits of thinking, like all habits, are on automatic pilot unless one is very intentional about interrupting and inserting new thoughts.
 
 

​No more apologies for being who we are
 
Many of us have had the experience of having a label which accurately describes who we proudly are and accepting that label as a negative which makes us feel even worse about ourselves.
 
While at the gym this morning I was listening to Terry Gross the host of the podcast Fresh Air, interview the NBC journalist Andrea Mitchell who is receiving a lifetime achievement Emmy award on the 24th of this month.  Both of these very powerful women were also gratefully remembering another colleague who died this week, Cokey Roberts.  I highly recommend listening to this podcast.   One can download the app to one’s phone. 
 
At one point Ms. Gross asked Ms. Mitchell if, in the early days when she was fighting the male dominated world of journalism, she considered herself a feminist. (Merriam- Webster defines feminism as “the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” )    Ms. Mitchell said she did consider herself an early feminist.
 
At one level it surprises me that so many people continue to use words such as feminism as a negative. In fact many of the very accomplished women I know would not accept the label of feminist.  Yet, if one pressed them further about whether they believe in the political, economic and social equality of the sexes most would reply that they do.  Others continue to maintain that women and men need to accept “their place”  of assigned  and very important roles. Yet very same women often  are forced by circumstances to take on other roles in which often excel.
 
There are many other terms which many will reject while embracing the qualities or behavior which the label is meant to convey.  All of us want to be liked and respected and, yet, when we reject the labels which describe the core of who we are we do ourselves and the  larger community a disservice.
 
When members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community begin to public proclaim their pride; when member of the black community began to embrace their blackness; when some woman began to drop their  “Southern I am a Lady” persona and get in the face of those who expected them to “act like a lady” which often mean letting anyone with a penis tell them who and what they were and could be they welcomed terms such as radical feminist. 
 
The idea that a simple difference in chromosomes, having the ability to grow, carry and give birth to a child, and possess well developed mammary glands to feed a child should also limit one’s ability to be a journalist, an engineer or a host of other positions which had been given to the roles of males is actually as ridiculous as it sounds.  
 
The fact that, as a culture, we often confuse apples and oranges comes as no surprise.  The fact that an alarming number of people will, with a straight face, claim that apples and oranges are the same fruit should alarm us.   Yes there are a few biological differences in our skin pigment, our biological abilities, and to whom we might be romantically and sexually attracted but those facts have little to do with what we are capable of doing in the larger community.   Yes, Communism involved a lot of corruption and mistreatment in the Soviet Union but that has to do with corruption and mistreatment and not with a more just and equitable sharing of resources.   Yes, it is good if one parent can be a stay at home parent, especially when a child is young but the practical and nurturing duties involved in child care are not reliant on genitals.  Some males are much better in that roles and some females are much better.  Some males have a degree or job training which qualify them as the best wage earner in a family.   Some females are more qualified for the wage earning role.
 
When we proudly take back the labels which have been turned into negatives; when we quit apologizing for who we are and what we believe we can get on with the job of creating a more just, equitable, and loving community.
 
Written September 19, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

“They are an embarrassment”
 
The they the speaker is referring to are the homeless.  Who are the homeless?  The homeless are:
 

• The mentally ill including those living with addiction
• The working poor including professionals on the lower end of the pay scale.
• The educated who can no longer find meaning in selling their souls to make a deal no matter who gets hurt in the process.
• Those who do not want to be confined in neat little boxes or even shelters whose rules feel oppressive.
• Those who are fleeing violence at home or from their gang.
• The who are hopeless.
• Those who refuse to hide.

 
I am sure that this is an incomplete list and it is not a new list although the numbers may be greater than ever before or they may be more visible.
 
I think it is was in the sixties or the seventies I recall reading about huge barriers being erected and painted to look like “nice neighborhood buildings” to line the highway leading from the New York City airports.    I was born in Chicago and early learned that there were those on the right side of the track and those of the wrong side of the tract.   Family history, money,  race, mental health and many other factors determined who was and remained on which side of the track.  I clearly recall many people, including my parents, saying that there was nothing wrong with “those people” as long as they stayed on their side of the track.  At that time if one was seriously mentally ill one was hidden away in what passed for a state hospital but which was really the “snake pits”.   Here in the United States we do not like to be reminded of death, those with problems or any aspect of our own humanness.  We do not like those who remind us that we are all a step away from being one of “those people”.  We also do not like to be reminded that we age and then die.   We do not build pyramids but we dress up corpses to look “alive” and bury them in expensive, caskets as if one can preserve the human body or pretend that one is taking care of the deceased. 
 
Our current president upon arriving in Los Angeles for a roundtable and then a fund-raising event is quoted in the Los Angeles times as saying:
 
“Clean it up,” he said.  “You’ve got to do something. You can’t believe it.  There are our great American cities and they’re an embarrassment.”  In other interviews he has said “they’re inappropriate.”
 
California has roughly 130,000 homeless.   “We have people living in best highways, our best streets, our best entrances to building where people in those building pay tremendous taxes, where they went to those locations because of the prestige.”  LA times  sept 17, 2019  by Benjamin Oreskes, Susanne Rust, Colleen Shalby in article headlined “Trump says cities are ‘destroying  themselves’ with homelessness as he arrives in California”.
 
The gift of our current president is that he and his most avid supporters are forcing us to hear what many of us in this country have been saying or what we have believed in the bright light of day without any shame.  His brashness and shameless may be new. The words are not new. There is no longer the shelter of pretense.
 
We are embarrassed about the inappropriate people that do not stay hidden and covered in shame.  We now have to decide if we  are going to take our nice sounding, unconditional loving works of Jesus, the Buddha and other spiritual leaders into the workplace, the boardrooms, the halls of Congress or the chambers of the Supreme Court or are going to be as honest and arrogant as the president and his supporters.
 
I am not suggesting that there are easy answers for any of us. Spiritual honesty and growth takes a great deal of faith, courage and strength.  Do we believe what we say in houses of worship or do we believe what our actions declare?  I am suggesting that if we are serious about building a society in which all are equally sacred we have to explore some radical changes in our thinking.   It is true we are human and any pretense that we can build a perfect utopia is pie in the sky thinking. Yet we can do much better.  The homeless are not an embarrassment.  Our hypocrisy perhaps is “inappropriate” and an “embarrassment”.
 
Written September 18, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett,org