​Stories
 
No regular reader of these rambling thoughts woven into what are loosely called blogs will be surprised with fact that this morning I was listening to the May 30, 2019 podcast of On Being with host Krista Tippett and her guest, the poet and retired English Professor at the University of Virginia.   Mr. Orr’s books include How Beautiful The Beloved and The Last Love Poem I Will Ever Write.   As is true for many artists, Mr. Orr’s poetry was born  out of necessity as he learned to live with the terrible tragedy of accidentally, at age 12, killing his younger brother while hunting with him in upstate New York.
 
So often it seems music, paintings, sculptures, poetry and other creations arise out of the ashes of a tragedy which seem too much to bear.  Yesterday I happened on the Facebook post of a lovely man I know who is overcome with grief over the death of one more friend from a drug overdose.  Over breakfast I read of the arrest and charges of an 18-year-old young man for murder.  If, in fact, the young man is guilty the killing was  directly or indirectly related to the sale and use of illegal drugs.
 
Mr. Orr quotes a poem by Robert Hayden entitled “Those Winter Sundays” which tells the story of living in a home where chronic anger and  kindness  resided; the story of an angry man who got up early on Sunday to stoke the fires and even polish the shoes of his son. The poem ends with asking  what the son knew of “love’s austere and lonely offices?”
 
Last night I attended a performance of a production of the play “Marjorie Prime” by Jordan Harrison at the Public Theater in Pittsburgh.  The author uses holographic recreations of first the husband of Marjorie and later of her daughter and Marjorie to challenge the individual stories which memory creates of humanity and love.
 
We are all the stories we tell ourselves and we are the stories of our intersection with the lives of others as experienced, interrupted and told by each of those individuals and each of the observers of those intersections.  Each story is the reality the keeper of the story creates.  In “Marjorie Prime” Marjorie is the person or persons who exists in the memory  of her daughter Tess, her husband Walt, and son-in-law Jon just as Tess is a chief character in the story in the memory chip of Jon and Marjorie.   In a strange way the holograph creates a new story and thus a new version of the person for whom  “they” are the prime.
 
The  18-year young man who is charged with murder, the deceased young man who was murdered, the young man who died of a drug overdosed, each of those grieving his death,  and both the son and the father in Robert Hayden’s are the characters in many stories.  I now create them anew in the story I internalize for each of these.
 
Each story creates the reality of a life.   Gregory Orr quotes or paraphrases Isak Dinesen, the Danish writer, “Any sorrow can be borne if it can be made into a story, or a story can be told about it.”   We exist only if our stories exist.  As I recall some  Native ancestors suggested that we are our stories.  Each of us is many stories to many people.  We are not “a story” or “the story”. The young man who is charged with murder has a story which begins with a birth, the wrapping in swatting clothes, the experiencing the first smile, the first step, the first word, the first grief. How does his parents reconciled their story with the accusations presented in the story in the morning newspaper?  What story will we tell of the  young man? What story will be tell of the man who got up early on a Sunday morning to make the house warm for his family and to polish his son’s shoes?  What stories will our life create for others?
 
Jimmy F Pickett
May 31, 2019
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 

​Grandma Fannie says…
 
I have previously written about many of the wise reminders of my Grandma Fannie.  This morning I was thinking of her  frequent reminder that, “The more things change the more they stay the same.”    If one looks in up this proverb on the internet one finds it was quoted by the French novelist Alphonse Karr and by George Bernard Shaw in the ‘Revolutionist Handbook’.    I am also sure that it is contained in the “Essential Handbook of Grandma words of wisdom.”  Well, I made that last up although if one googles grandma sayings one will get a lot of hits.  It seems grandmas more than grandpas are assigned the task of passing along the essential rules for spiritual health as well as the recipes for the perfect apple pie, biscuits which always rise  at least two inches, the most succulent fried chicken and coffee which will levitate one’s body while it whips through the house dusting and sweeping the physical and emotional trash which accumulates in every home.
 
Grandma Fannie died long before the internet, video games, flat screen television, the home computer, and shopping on Amazon. She spent a significant portion of her life on the farm where milk came directly from the cow,  the separator provided cream for coffee and ice cream, warm eggs came were gathered from beneath the chickens, and vegetables were gathered from the garden or jars which had been canned and kept in the root cellar.  She only had books with pages and covers, pens which wrote letters and lists, and music which arrived via the radio,  was sung in church or played on the piano, accordion, guitar or other carefully protected musical instruments. 
 
If Grandma Fannie were alive today she would love the cell phone and email.  She would be ecstatic that the libraries and museums of the world were available to her anytime of the day or night  if the electricity was operational.  She would also remind all children and adults that:
 

• None of the conveniences matter if we do not love and take care of each other.
• Life lasts, at best, only a few minutes.
• The chores have to get done no matter how one feels.
• No one cares whether you feel like doing the next right thing; you just do it.
• If one does not have an intimate relationship with mother earth one is likely to lose one’s way.
• Politicians fight and say all manner of things.  It is what they do which counts.
• Marriages and other relationships are not made in heaven; they are carefully kneaded and set to rise daily.
• Alcohol does not solve problems but often creates them.
• There is always enough food for one more surprise guest.

 
Mostly she would remind one that humans are still humans.  We are capable of amazing and beautiful creations and of  forgetting to turn on our brains and our hearts or carelessly leaving them lying around somewhere.   Truly when it comes to essentials, “The more things change the more the more they stay the same. “
 
I was talking to a friend last night and I asked her if she had a strategic plan for her spiritual intentions/growth.  She did not although she excels in creating strategic plans for work and home.    She often talks of her mother who always had a strategic plan for spiritual centerness and growth.
 
We humans have apparently always noticed this life journey is very brief and, yet we continue to act as if what last is that which does not last; that love which is all that gives life a sense of purpose can be an afterthought or left for the spare time which may never arrive.
 
“The more things change the more they stay the same.”
 
Written May 30, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Health?
 
I listened this morning  to Terry Gross interview a psychiatrist and a psychologist about the increasing number of college students who are experiencing serious mental illness symptoms.  In fact, both reported that each had a child who had struggled with mental illness.  There are also a number of people in and out of college who are struggling with addiction.  We are all aware of the enormous number of deaths related to drug addiction, the large number of people in jail, many of whom have mental illness including addiction, and the seeming increase in sexual abuse of children. There seems to be a variety of factors contributing to these facts. Terry Gross and her guests were discussing a very limited slice of this overall group. They were discussing those who are intellectually and other wise “blessed” with the resources to even consider expensive tuition plus room, board and spending money.  
 
The cost of attending college in and of itself puts a lot of pressure on young people to achieve.  Achievement or success is  often defined in terms of making good grades, possibly going on to graduate or professional school and then working to pay off school loans and be self-supporting.   I also suspect that there is pressure to have symbols of success such as a large house, a certain car, new furniture, the right clothes and the resources to ensure that one’s children can repeat this pattern and possibly “move on up” whatever that means.  In the seventies, long before tuition was this expensive there was a movement towards dropping out of the rat race.   A number of people experimented with starting intentional communities,  a few of which are still in existence.  Success for most of these communities was defined in terms of spiritual (occasionally religious) principles.  Resources and labor, including child care, were shared. Obviously if all or a majority had taken this route the environment might have been in better shape, but I am not sure that infrastructure would be in any better shape.
 
Some have suggested in this and other countries  there is a political, economic, and health crisis.   I think those are the symptoms and not the “dis ease”.  I think increasingly there is a disconnection from one’s core self (core self?), each other and the rest of nature.  Religion no longer offers the solace that it once did.  Many may still be hoping that the peace and sense of purpose will be found in religion but increasingly it seems that is not the case.  For some, a more expansive view of the God of one’s understanding may be found in such programs of recovery as the 12 step programs.  Especially in larger cities there may be gatherings of those exploring Buddhist, Hindu or some other religion/philosophy.  Some may have the means to live in a planned retirement community such as The Village in Florida or even expensive clubs such as Mar a Lago where like-minded 1 percenters can massage each other’s ego.   Even there, however, on will find mental illness and a sense of lostness/disconnection.
 
Some are discovering that one can be financially independent by attending trade school or being apprenticed.   Some of these might discover the learned trade gives them a sense of purpose and connection.   Many will not.  Some adjust to working 40 hours or more and packing a lot of family time and social purpose into two days a week or 2/7th of a week.
 
I am not sure that we as parents and teachers believe that the primary purpose of school is to teach skills to be used in crafting a purposeful life. I am not sure that many classroom discussions focus on exploring a direction and sense of purpose for the human race.  If one’s goal is to make money, one then has to ask how money will improve the quality of one’s life; help one leave a footprint of which one is proud.  If the goal is to make more money to buy more stuff at what point does one discover that stuff does not fill the internal void.  Then one has to worry about non-polluting ways of disposing of stuff so that one can buy more stuff.
 
What is mental health?   What is mental illness?
 
Written May 29, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Walking on thin ice
 
Someone suggested in an email this morning that I was walking on thin ice. The writer was referring to an opinion I expressed.  He is fearful that  my decision not to act on a matter will have negative results for someone about whom we both care.  I replied that I walk on thin ice every day.  I make recommendation and act or withhold action (which is an action) which potentially affects the well-being of others.  I have voluntarily chosen a profession which requires me to made educated guesses about a variety of situations.  Sometimes I must decide whether to report my concern about the welfare of a child to child protective services.  Sometimes I must decide whether to begin the process of involuntarily committing a person to the psychiatric ward of a local hospital for three days. I know that there will be a legal hearing with testimony by a psychiatrist in three days, but still three days is a long time to remove someone from their home.  Yet it if saves their life or the lives of others it may be deemed necessary.
 
Often I rely on the opinion of trusted colleagues and friends to share in decisions which directly affect the health and even the life of others.  Many colleagues and friends also rely on my educated opinion.
 
All of us make many decisions – active or passive – with may have a profound effect on other humans.   I am sure that most of us have talked to individuals or read stories of individuals who were on the verge of suicide and a strangers momentary kindness changed their mind.   Many of us will directly and indirectly touch the lives of a number of people today.  Much of the time it will be easy to forget this fact and stay focused on the task at hand rather than on those with whom we incidentally interact while we are completing our task.
 
In my virtual “inbox” this morning was the following, “To be truly humble is to accept and honestly try to be ourselves.” This was another way of stating that we are all on thin ice.    We need to remind ourselves  we do not want or need to be  more or less than we are.  All of us have particular talents and limitations. We are each  a valuable part of the whole.   Our particular gifts and talents are needed to allow the universe to balance and feed us just as we feed it.   It is very easy to allow other person, places, and events to get us off track emotionally and spiritually.  We can aim for perfection while accepting we will not attain it although there may be moments when it seems as if we have come close.  Often we will find the line between perfection and failure is very narrow.  It may seems as if we are in charge of all the pieces of the puzzle but then something happens. We stumble, the electricity quits working, a storm stops all plane flights, one gets food poison or someone points out that one has had very narrow vision and failed to see or hear accurately.
 
We are all walking on thin ice.  We will not always notice or hear that the ice is much thinner than it first appeared. If someone warns us that the ice is thin we need to pay attention and do our best to ascertain the risk involved in taking or not taking the next step.
 
Written May 28, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Memorial Day – May 27, 2019
 
In my memory, Grandma Fannie was the matriarch in charge of Memorial Day.   Our parents joined Grandma Fannie, Grampa Ed and many from the Pickett, Scott,  Holeman, the Jones families as well as a several others at Sunrise Cemetery.  They would arrive by early afternoon to join the spirits and the graves of ancestors.   The first task, after settling all picnic and other supplies under a shade tree, was to begin the process of greeting the ancestors, cleaning and sometimes repositioning grave stones and sharing flowers from personal gardens.  As they cleaned, the elders would exchange stories with the living and the deceased.  Our mother, at that time, was not able to visit the  eternal restring place of her ancestors in the Chicago area.  In fact, to this date,  I have no idea where her ancestors, including her parents, are buried.  Other than my Grandma Drake, mothers father, who was buried in farm country in Southern Illinois, neither my parents nor any of us children ever attended a funeral of any of  the  material ancestors. 
 
At any rate, back to Memorial Day at Sunrise Cemetery.  After cleaning of the graves, the restoration of grave markers and stones,  formal invitations were issued to the spirits of  ancestors to join us as we gathered under the shade tree to break bread, pray and bring the ancestral spirits up to date on family gossip.  Some channeled various ancestors who  shared the family history with the children.  All this took place while reposing on  handmade quilts.
 
Two of my sisters continue to clean graves, straightened gravestones, leave flowers and share family gossip with our ancestors including our parents, paternal grandparents and others.
 
I know some people continue to take grave blankets or other offerings to ancestors, but it seems the extended visits over picnics on handmade quilts are,  at least for most people I know, a thing of the past.  There was a formal visit to Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia today by the Vice President and in many communities there will be a ceremony to honor deceased veterans, especially those killed during combat.   Many may remember to thank a veteran they know, but on the whole, this is a day on which the living will gather. Perhaps some will call forth the spirits of ancestors. 
 
Some may pause to consider what humans have learned from having practiced focusing on socially constructed differences.  Some may pause to consider how we can learn to focus on our commonalities and sharing resources. Some may recommit to responding to hate with love. Some may decide to lead in the refusal to increase military spending or to refuse to make a profit by manufacturing and selling weapons to other nations and groups.  Some may take the time to listen to the how difficult it is for veterans to live with the pain of the death of brothers and sisters and in killing those who are more similar than different.  Some may choose to comfort a veterans by listening to his or her story or some may express public express outrage when a politician minimized the sacrifice of those who were and are prisoners of war.   Some may provide homes or other necessities to homeless veterans.
 
Some may seek the advice of our ancestors about the legacy of which they are most proud.  Some may listen, learn and assume the reigns of leadership.
 
Written May 27, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Sunday Musings – May 26, 2019
 
The weather here in Wheeling, West Virginia is a metaphor for the week.   A few minutes ago, it was raining and now the sun is shining. Earlier it was foggy.  The forecast calls for more rain.  The week has included magical moments of being present with others; of individuals completing a residential treatment program while family and friends, including counselors offered words of congratulations and dared to hope that they will hold on and use the use tools for living that they have been gathering.   Daily there were also magical moments of joy with store clerks, others at the gym, and friends near and far.  On many levels it is easy to know that one is blessed.
 
There were also moments of being reminded that citizenship and friendship often requires wrestling with tough decisions; decisions such as if and when to attempt to intervene when a friend has symptoms of dementia but is legally competent to decide to continue to live on their own; decision such as how to respond to some community, national and international issues.   Thankfully I do not have any political or other authority to make decisions.  Yet, to do nothing is also to act.  Are we, as a nation in the United States, in the midst of a Constitutional Crisis?  Are we, as a nation, deliberately playing chicken little with the leaders of Iran?  Is it ethical for the United States president to publicly join forces with the leader of North Korea in insulting one of the 2020 presidential candidates?  It is practical, ethical or moral to build more jails to warehouse people whose primary diagnosis is a mental illness?  It is true that we as health care professionals have to allow insurance companies to dictate how we interact and treat clients. Once school loans are paid off how much money does one need to live decently?  Once again, who are the least of these?
 
In short it has been a week during which I have been acutely aware of  being challenged to respectfully and openly listen to the “truths” which other posit while not allowing myself to be bullied in agreeing to an opinion when said opinion does not make sense to me.  Daily my version of the truth or my understanding or perception (for this moment)  is being challenged.  At times, if honest, I must admit that I contemplate selling my house and living in a cabin on a lake where my most important decision is to fish or not fish that day. Yet, for today, that does not seem to be a moral choice for me. Perhaps tomorrow it will be. In the meantime, I will have to remind myself not to take this “truth” business or myself so seriously while taking the business of  lovingly listening to the truths of others and doing my best to be a responsible family and community member very seriously.
 
Written May 26, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 

​Symptoms versus core issues
 
I have previously  given a lot of thought to and  written about this subject. This morning I was reading yet another editorial in the local newspapers about sexual abuse.  The writer was suggesting that the status of limitation for prosecuting cases of sexual abuse be changed to allow those who have been abused time to get healthy enough to be able to face the potential charges and trial of those who sexually abused.  Once again, I was reminded of the pain of being forced to experience the intimacy of sex. The estimate of the number of incidents of sexual abuse varies from study to study. Everyone seems to agree that are still many people who do not report sexual abuse and, thus, the figures are much higher than any  law enforcement records might reflect.
 
The editorial I read this morning again used descriptive words such as monster, heinous, and predator.   Yet, we know that the person who commits acts of sexual abuse are not these labels.  They are human beings who are also mothers, fathers, siblings, spouses, lovers, friends, cousins and other respected member of the community.  They are doctors, lawyers, mechanics, truck drivers, teachers, clergy, counselors and students.  They are young, old, middle age, black, white, brown, and yellow.  They are male, female, heterosexual, homosexual, transsexual and bisexuals.  They are female and male. They are educated and those with less education.  They are those who are politically conservative and those who are liberal. They are religious and not religious.  They are those who may believe that their gender worth is largely dependent on being superior to the opposite gender. They are those who are active addicts and those who have no mental illness and would be considered “of sound mind”.
 
Those who are labeled as sexual predators or offenders include those who are emotionally the same age as the “underage” person with whom they had “consensual” sex, I. e. a 15 year and a 19-year-old.  They include those who had sex with an underage sex worker who lied about their age.
 
There are those labeled as predators or sexual offenders who are being initiated into some gang or group and must “prove” their loyalty or worthiness by sexually assaulting another or even participating in a gang rape.
 
No person who carries the label of sexual predator or sexual offender is that label.  They are always much more than that. 
 
In some cases, the law and many of my colleagues collude to make it appear that the core issues are being addressed with these labels. I had been present in court when my colleagues have testified that a 15-year-old who had consensual sex with an immature 19-year-old was damaged for life.  He or she was actually more damaged by being told they were damaged than they were by the consensual sexual activity.  Sometime the real damage is because of homophobia, sexism or racism. 
 
Sexual behavior may or may not lead one to an accurate label or diagnosis.    Sexual behavior is a symptom of healthy or unhealthy behavior.  Instead of building more jails, hiring more judges, parole and probation officers or subsidizing the careers of attorneys we need to quit labeling and diagnosing conditions on the basis of symptoms.  If a significant number of people have the same or similar symptoms we need to work harder to identify the root problem or issue.  We need to know, for example, why child pornography is such a huge business.  What are we doing as cultures in many parts of the world to create or form so many individuals who are attracted to both young post pubescent and pre-pubescent children?   
 
Why do we continue to create costumes to celebrate our sexuality while not exploring ways to respectfully live with it?  Why do we avoid intimacy and seek sexual coupling?   There are many more questions which various disciplines need to be asking and researching rather than participating in the labeling of symptoms and pretending as if we, as societies, can stop the symptoms with punishments.  More jails, more negative labels, more sexual offender lists and more delusional pretentions are not the answer.   I am not suggesting that the answers are easy or quick but I do know that diagnosing and treating on the basis of symptoms is never more than a temporary quick fix -  a drug of choice for many cultures.
 
Written May 24, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​Does God create, we create or is there a co-creation?
There is an age-old philosophical question about the relationship between an event such as a sound vibration and the presence or absence of humans.  The question  as first recorded by Dr. George Berkeley, an Anglican Bishop and philosopher in the 1600s was:  “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound.”   Dr. Berkeley answers that  there is a sound because God hears it. Others have argued that the falling tree creates vibrations which is experienced as sound or, if no one is present , it is experienced by other life forms as a disturbance in the movement of the air.  It is not experienced as sound. 
I was thinking of this philosophical question as I was pondering the existence of  a divine being or God.   The question I posited was, “Do humans create God by positing or imagining a divine being.  If so, it then follows that without humans there is no divine being.  If, on the other hand, a divine being creates all that exists, including humans, then without creation there is no God or humans.  Another possibility is that humans have to posit a God for he/she/it to exist and God has to exist for humans to create him/her/it.  One might then say that God and humans are co-creators.
The reader might now be thinking that he or she does not have time for such playful and perhaps useless intellectual exercises.    Yet, this morning as I was thinking about the construct of friendships, I was reminded that friendships only exist if there is two or more people who acknowledge each other and each gives and receives.  If one only takes and does not give there is no friendship.  If one only gives and does not take there is no friendship. For any relationship to exist requires actions by both individuals.  This is true in all relationships.   Michael Atkins in a February 5 2018 articles in Northerontariobusiness.com questions the existence of tweets; “If no one is reading a tweet does it exist? “ or  “If no one comments on a tweet does it exist.” 
Many of us have a habit of reacting rather than acting. Someone does something which we dislike, are frightened by, or which we find in poor taste.   As soon as one reacts the action of the other exists.   Yet, it one refuses to react then one is taking an action which does not acknowledges the existence of the prior action.  Thus, one might posit that the initial action did not happen. 
To return to the prior question of the existence of God. If I act as if I am not part of whole than the whole does not exists.  I am positing that for the whole to exists all parts not only need to exist but must acknowledge the existence of the whole for it to exist..  Paradoxically then God or the whole only exists if one is present to bear witness to the whole.
One might suggest that the price of not showing up – of not being present – is that nothing else can exist.
Written May 23, 2019
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org

​The language of decision making
 
Often when I am talking with clients for/with whom I am exploring how to design and achieve the life they want/deserve, I hear them saying,
“Well, I got busy with  everyday life tasks and ended up not doing what I intended to do.”  or “I quit going to meetings for recovery, talking to my spiritual advisor or paying attention to my partner.”  or “My children needed me to attend ball games or other activities  and there was no time to take care of myself.”  What is missing is any recognition that they had the power to make decisions to put health care, including spiritual health care. and exercise a  priority..   Often many feel as if life just took over or life just happened.  Actually, the truth is we all make many decisions which have either positive or negative effects on our life.
 
My next questions usually are, “Did you own and write down this decisions and play them through? For example, did you write down, ‘I have decided that I can operate on empty gas tanks and achieve my goals of being a healthy person, father, worker and partner.”?  “Did you call a friend who loves you enough to be honest with you and share what you have decided?”    I might also ask if the person lives with others, especially children, “Did you write down on the family white board in the kitchen,  ‘The family rule is to ignore filling emotional, spiritual, physical and spiritual gas tanks. No one in this family need be concerned with such self-serving behavior.”?
 
My experience is that once we are honest and open with ourselves and at least one other person that we trust with the decisions we are making about all pieces of health care we access that wiser voice within us.  Trusted friends may also tap into their wise voice and lovingly ask, “Have you lost your mind?”
 
For those who have a higher power to whom they pray it is also important to be honest with that higher power, “God, I have it covered.  Here is a one-way ticket to Caribbean vacation.   Don’t worry about returning anytime soon.  I will check in with you if I ever need you.”
 
It is easy for all of us to think that our bodies will stay healthy without any regular care; that our brains will make logical decisions consistent with our core values no matter what chemicals we ingest or take into our body even knowing that the brain and the rest of the body needs to be fed from the products of our intestinal manufacturing system.
 
Once one daily accepts the truth that all one’s decisions to do or not do affect all aspect of one’s health care and life, one discovers that one has a lot of power to set goals and priorities.   Life events will still happen but we all have the power to decide how we will respond to those life events.   We can respond from the core values we would recommend to all we love or we can respond from a place of immediate gratification, comfort, or the avoidance of fear and discomfort.
 
Life does just show up.  How we face life is based on our decisions.  We need to use language which acknowledge that our core values are in charge. None of us can afford to be complacent about this process. We are all human and can create a life dance of which we can be proud or we can  accept that it is easy to get off track if we do not daily decide to fill our emotional, spiritual, and physical gas tanks.  We can invite others we trust to support us in our goal to make healthy decisions.  If we have a higher power or a belief in a higher power we might send him/her/it a return plane ticket.
 
Written May 22, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

​Anonymity/Privacy, Lessening of Shame and common sense.
 
One of the historic solutions to the shaming and discrimination against those with certain experiences and illnesses is to attempt to ensure that someone can get help with an issue or treatment for a condition with minimum fear of being identified.   In recent years many famous people have become public about their history of being sexually  harassed or abused, their struggle with addiction , their sexual orientation and a host of other formerly shameful secrets.  This decrease in secrecy has encouraged many to be more open and, thus, to show those still living in the shadows  of an untreated illness to get the treatment they need.  Still, it is not unheard of for employers, insurance companies and some businesses to discriminate if someone seek treatment which requires them to bill insurance, take time off from work, or be involved with the legal system.   Candidates for political office have, at times, been forced to withdraw as a candidates when their treatment for depression or some other mental illness has been made public.  The. chronic nature of addiction has caused many individuals to be reluctant to hire even those in long term recovery while other employers offer liberal programs to allow the addict to get effective treatment.    Health care providers often use the Federal Privacy Laws to refuse to share any information with a family member even if doing so with facilitate the healing process for both the identified patient/client and the family.
 
The decrease in  shame and accompanying openness of many public individuals has given many the courage to seek treatment.  The willingness of many public figures to talk about their positive experience with a 12-step anonymous program has normalized the process for many.   Some 12 meetings are open to friends, family members and health care professionals.  They are always reminded that what they hear and see at the meeting stays there.     Many health care professionals have replaced the strict adherence to the Health Insurance Privacy and Portability Act (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act with common sense and a recognition of individual family situations.  The increase in long distance health care service does not guarantee privacy even with using encrypted systems.   I tell clients that if some can hack into the White House or military secure systems than someone could hack into the pricy but less secure systems used by health care professionals, courts or other agencies. 
 
Some conditions such as sexual addictions and, especially, attraction and/or sexual abuse of children are subject to mandatory reporting. Certainly, if a child or another person is currently in danger, this makes sense.  Yet it also makes it nearly impossible for a person to safely get treatment.  It also makes it difficult to deal with the core issue of why attraction to and sex with young children is a condition which apparently supports a very large and profitable business.
 
The fact that many or most societies are still convinced that all have free will and that punishment is the answer makes it difficult to study and treat some conditions or illnesses.
 
It is imperative that we protect others from abuse while still doing all we can to ensure that we, as communities, reduce shame while focusing on identifying and treating core issues.  We have to appreciate that while, with some issues, we are becoming more open and less shameful, protecting the privacy and anonymity of individual and families cat be an important component of health care.  I would argue, however, that we do so with a large dose of common sense.   I would also argue that we do all we can to both treat symptoms and to identify the core issues.

Written May 20, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org