​The righteousness of outrage
 
The May 25th, 2017 podcast of On Being with host Krista Tippett featured Patrisse Cullors, co-founder of Black Lives Matter and founder of Dignity and Power Now and Robert Gross, president and chief executive officer for the California Endowment.  “Trained as a pediatrician, Dr. Ross has been a leader in work surrounding trauma, resilience, and community as a clinician, public health executive, and health philanthropist.”
 
I have now listened to this podcast at least 4 times and read the transcript twice.   I urge the reader of this blog to do the same since I have no desire to insult Ms. Cullors, Dr. Ross, Ms. Tippett or the reader of this blog by repeating what they say with much more clarity than I could.   I did, however, want to give these people credit for stimulating my thinking or opening a box of thoughts which have been in my mind for some time.
 
When I hear criticism of the Black Lives Matter movement, I am reminded of conversations I had in the early sixties about the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.   Often I head from adults I thought to be older and wiser than me that the issues Dr. King was addressing were valid concerns but his tactics of publicly stirring up people was not helpful.  At that time, I did not always have the courage or the ability to engage the person in a debate.  I wanted to ask was, “What would you recommend?  Where is your outrage about racism, sexism, homophobia, and other forms of oppression?  Exactly how long should people wait for justice? How many people have to die before you are outraged?  Work through the system?  Whose system?”
 
More often than not as I listen to the President of the United States, read editorials in newspapers or read comments regarding editorials or so called news items in the newspaper I hear myself composing a reply of outrage.   Just this morning I was reading the local newspaper and reading comments supporting the harsh treatment of those convicted of a crime and often recommending harsher treatment.  Occasionally I read something which challenges the reader to think about the consequences of the policy of school suspension, out bullying the bully, or how poverty affects every aspect of the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health of individuals and families.  Occasionally I read something which expresses outrage about racism, sexism and other forms of treating our neighbors as less then or not worthy of the promises of the stated principles underlying the birth of this nation.   Despite the fact that the understanding of the application of those principles did not at the time of the conception of this country include people of color, women, homosexuals, indigenous natives or a host of others, the genius was in the inclusive wording.
 
Of course, no one had to wait on the founding fathers of this country to articulate these principles, Jesus, Buddha and a host of others had offered these principles long before the idea for this country was envisioned.
 
Yet, today we continue to criminalize poverty, build more prisons, punish those with chronic illness and seemingly do all we can to sabotage the financial, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual success of a significant portion of the population.  In the meantime, the rich get richer and the poor are chastised for not being ambitious.  Often some point to those like the biracial, Dr. Ross, to Sonia Sotomayor, to Ms. Cullors, and the few public, “successful” others as examples that the system works rather than seeing that these individuals have “made it” in spite of the system which is designed to “keep them in their place.”
 
The President of the Philippines is convinced that drug addicts are bad people who deserved to be killed without even the pretense of a fair trial.  Many in this country stop just short of recommending a similar approach to enforcing a zero-tolerance program.
 
When individuals such as Dr. Ross and Ms. Cullors do express outrage, they are often branded as trouble makers who are stirring up trouble and not lauded as the prophets that they are.  Perhaps once they are dead they will be, as has been the case with Dr. King and others, praised and honored.  It is, of course much easier and safer to heap accolades on dead people who no longer pose a threat to the status quo.
 
I often suggest to myself and to those who hire me for counseling that anger in and of itself is not useful.  In fact, holding on to anger and resentments, will often keep us from problem solving and doing our part to build a more just society.  Those who use anger to summon the courage to throw the first stone impede the march towards justice.  Outrage, however is a call to action.  Outrage says, “No more pretending that we can treat one person as less than without, in the end, oppressing everyone.”  Outrage says to the addict, “You are worth loving.   We will love you until you can love yourself.”  Outrage says to the victim of sexual abuse, “You are not damaged goods.  Accept your place at the table.  Be silent and guilty no more.”   Outrage says to those who sexually abuse others, “There is help for your addictive/obsessive thoughts which lead to hurtful action.?”  Outrage says to the child who is disruptive in class, “Tell me about your pain.  Tell me about the prison of your home.  Tell me about your hunger.”    Outrage says that, “More violence is not the answer to violence.” 
 
Outrage looks for root causes and how to eradicate those root causes.  Outrage says that we will quit throwing stones.
 
Outrage is the opposite of hiding, numbing oneself with addiction, becoming a victim, tolerating abuse, or self-righteousness.   Outrage comes from a place in the heart – from love.  Outrage is a passionate call to move beyond judgment to problem solving.
 
Outrage is healing.  If we are not outraged, we are asleep which is very dangerous for all of us.
 
Written May 31, 2017
 
 

​Grandma says: “Don’t make money your God.”
 
As was true for many of Grandma’s Fannie’s wise reminders to a young child this one seemed to be very obvious.   Even I questioned, at age 5 or 6, if she thought I was that dumb or stupid?  I could tell the difference between a quarter and the picture of God in my Sunday School book. Perhaps she needed to remind herself.
 
As the CFO – Chief Financial Officer -  of her family Grandma Fannie seemed to worry a lot about money.  More than once I heard her reminding Grandpa Ed that he owed her money. The sum might seem pretty – even to a young child - and yet she insisted that he pay it back.  When I was much older I would learn that when they got remarried in 1948 she had him sign a prenuptial agreement even though they did not have much money.
 
Grandma Fannie had lived through the depression, and later a divorce which left her dependent as far as I know on the tiny income that she earned as a seamstress. (Perhaps she got a modest amount in alimony but I do not know.)   Although she had been a school teacher and was exceptionally bright my guess is that she did not have the credentials which were increasingly required. She certainly knew what it was like to be poor.  As did many people her age following the depression she never regained her trust in banks.
 
She knew that one needed a certain amount of money and she did all she could to save and to earn money.   Yet, what she wanted us children to understand was that no matter one’s financial status, one’s primary allegiance and devotion should be to one’s moral values.    She was clearly aware that, since the beginning of recorded history,  it had been easy for humans to make money the primary goal and, thus, the core value which guided one’s behavior.  She knew that money and possessions could come and go, but no one could take away one’s spiritual values. One could give away one’s values just as one could be seduced by the temporary power of money, position and possessions.  When that happened the attachment to money, position or possessions became one’s god or primary guiding value.
 
Buddhist teachers with whom I have studied have stated the issues in terms of attachments.   One can become attached to the belief that money will buy happiness. One can equate the power associated with money as happiness, contentment or security.  When one has an attachment one loses oneself and, thus, one loses one’s connection with one’s heart. Without a heart one cannot be connected to the whole which some refer to as their higher power or God.
 
Nothing much has changed since Grandma Fannie attempted to teach us children to not make money our God.   Us humans continue to lose ourselves as we look to money, possessions, things, achievements, alcohol, other drugs to bring us the happiness and contentment we so powerfully desire.  All of these works for a time. Yet, step by step, moment by moment we lose ourselves.  All actions which we might otherwise make with our core values – with our heart – we make based on our attachment to our new god or the god de jour.
 
Once again, I am reminded on this Memorial Day that Grandma Fannie was a deeply spiritual and, thus, wise person who gave us the tools we needed to become the best we could be.  It is up to us to daily look within ourselves to recall those lessons and use them as a base for all the decisions we make about how we are going to use our time and energy.   At the end of the day or this life journey we are left with the knowledge that we will be remembered for our commitment to moral/spiritual values or we will be remembered for our gilded prison filled with things or bank statements.
 
Thanks Grandma Fannie.
 
Written May 29 2017
 
 

​Sunday musings – May 28, 2017
 
I am at the Denver airport and soon will board the flight to Pittsburgh.  Each time I repeat the experience of looking forward to a trip and getting to my destination by car, bus, train or plane I am still more than a little awed by the experience.    I have no idea of how many times I have traveled over a long distance from point A to point B and then back to point A again.  Certainly, it has been in the hundreds since my 18th year.  In the first 18 years of my life, I can recall moving from Chicago to Oklahoma, back to Chicago and then back to Oklahoma.  After that the longest trip I can recall was to visit Uncle Raymond and his family in Oklahoma City – possibly 200 miles round trip.   There were a number of short trips “to town” or visits to Uncle Harold and Aunt Pleasie on their nearby ranch.   There were also the weekday trips to and from the regional school during the school year.
 
No matter how often I travel I am in awe of the fact that I can be in place X and then in place Y.  Whether the distance is relatively short or I am traveling a long distance by plane, the magic seems the same.  Obviously, I know that if one puts one foot in front of the other, is on a horse which does the same or is in a mechanical conveyance powered by an engine scientific laws determine that one will, over time, move from point X to point Y.  Yet the fact that I can in a relatively short time do this seems both disconcerting and magical.  Just this morning I sat in the living room of family members in Longmont, Colorado and soon I will have traveled all the way to Wheeling, West Virginia.  Part of my mind is convinced that I “should” still be able to reach out and touch my beloved relatives in real time.  Amazingly I can see and hear them with only an undiscernible separation or break in consciousness.   
 
I ask myself that if all this is possible what else is possible?
Moderns scientists are making great strides in insuring that our experience of virtual reality is very close to an in-person experiences.   Future generations will be writing philosophical treatises about the nature of virtual reality and the relatively redundancy of real time in-person experiences.
Already many of us have such vivid dreams that awake experiences already seem a bit redundant.
 
By this point the reader will be wondering the point of this Sunday musing.  I often use this time on Sundays to allow the random experiences and thoughts of the previous week to explore a possible common meeting ground.  The reader might be saying that this week I have really wandered off to never-never land.  Yet, I believe that if we are to go forward in this life journey we must do more than teach basic academic skills to our children. We must give them permission to enjoy and appreciate that new possibilities in all areas of life begin with allowing our thoughts to entertain the seemingly improbable and the impossible.   What now seems to be way beyond common sense and what we cannot yet imagine is potentially possible.  The very thought that one could send the sound waves of one’s particular speech patterns through space and eventually bounce off of satellites seemed ridiculous not that many years ago.  Also, not long ago, the idea that one could harness energy in smaller and smaller lithium batteries and turn the energy into electrical energy seemed like science fiction or the thought process of a mad person. In art, music, medicine, science, social constructs or moral philosophy we must encourage our children to meld potential reality with what we now think we know.
 
Flying reminds me that the impossible is possible; that grounding is at once very solid and necessary and, at the same time, very fluid.
 
Sunday musing is a time to both reflect on the week and to allow for new doors to be open –doors which may not bear close examination just yet. It is the “just yet” which I will continue to embrace.
 
Written May 28, 2017

​The power of one to the nth degree
 
Today I attended the graduation ceremony of my grand niece Samantha Pickett at Silver Creek High School in Longmont, Colorado
 
In many respects the ceremony was the same one which has been repeated this month at many schools in the United States.  It would seem, however, that the staff of this school, working with families and the larger community does a particularly good job of inspiring and insuring excellence academically and in terms of character.    It is in the top 5% of high schools in the United States.  
 
I have no way of knowing the combination of factors which come together to help a large percentage of the students to reach this level of excellence.  I do know that my niece and her brother are blessed in many respects including:
 

• Having many gifts and talents by virtue of genetics and luck.
• Having the spiritual, mental and emotional health to accept the challenge to do their best.
• Having two parents who have put family first and challenge each other to be their best.
• Having a family who is able to provide, food, clothing, and many extras.
• Having grandparents, uncles and other family who support them 150%
• Having access to teachers who often give 150% and trust that the young people under their care are capable of giving 150%.

 
Parents, extended family, mentors including teachers such as Ms. Forbes the commencement speaker who obviously loves the students under her care, gives them practical tips for doing their best, and is loved in return, make a huge difference. I suspect that there are other teachers who do the same although I know that not every teacher has the special gifts which Ms. Forbes seems to have. My niece confirmed that my admiration of Ms. Forbes was well deserved.
 
I am again reminded that all of us need others who believe in us and who challenges us to be our best. I am 77 years old and I still want and need mentors who tickle my mind and my heart. I have been blessed to have always had such people in my life.   Today, those mentors are such people as my nephew, Wendell and his wife Toni as well as their two children, Austin and Samantha, Wendell’s and Toni’s parents, and many others in the extended family.
 
Often, it is also my clients who are my mentors. They demonstrate courage, strength, patience and much more.   I do not often wonder why the clients for whom I am privileged to work struggle.  I do marvel at the strength and courage it takes to ask for help and to work at living the serenity prayer.  Additionally, I have colleagues and others who challenge me to be my best while supporting me in my most inept, fumbling moments. 
 
Today, I am again reminded of the six degrees of separation. Ms. Forbes touched the lives of many. Those she touched will touch other lives and they, in turn, will touch the lives of many others.  Samantha and Austin have been touched often by love and have played that love forward. Many of those have then played that love forward.  One person – just one of us – can start that chain of action and reaction which will start a revolution.
 
I am not convinced that all the threats, name callings, bullets and bombs will stop those we are labeling as terrorists, bad or evil people or other such labels.   I do think that we can offer an alternative way of living which includes unconditional love, insuring that everyone knows that they have gifts we want and need, and insuring that no one goes to bed hungry, without heat and the means to care for themselves and their families.  This could be an attractive alternative to all forms of violence. 
 
Young people such a Samantha Austin, some of their cousins and many other young people need to both prepare for leadership roles and to continue to be the ones who challenge us to be our best.  They stand ready to be our mentors.
 
I am reminded of a conversation in the play A Raisin in the Sun.   In my memory, there is a scene in this play when a character states that there comes a time when it is time for the elders to step aside and embrace the leadership of the younger generation.  I know I am not paraphrasing this well, but I do believe we have to be open to the fresh approach of the young who have accepted the challenge to look with new eyes, hear with new ears, and open with fresh hearts to the world in which they find themselves. 
 
As I type this I am also acutely aware that when I speak of the young that this is not always a stage of life reflected by chronological age.  There are those who are chronologically young who see with the same old eyes, hear with the same limitations as their elders, and whose hearts are closed. There are who are chronologically older who see with fresh eyes, hear with new ears, and whose hearts are open to new possibilities.   
 
Today I am reminded that it will be young people (in all the ways I described above) such as Samantha, Austin and their cousins (and partners of cousins) and some with a slower gait and gray hair who will accept that challenge and who challenge the rest of us.
 
We are blessed. We can be a blessing.
 
Written May 27, 2017
 
 
 
 

Memorial Day weekend – 2017
 
I will be in Denver Friday, the 26th until Sunday evening the 28th.  to celebrate the graduation of my great niece Samantha.  I may or may not be posting regularly this weekend.  Visiting with the extended family of my nephew Wendell and his wife Toni will be my first priority. I do not often get to visit with any of these folks although I am hoping to visit Samantha while she is attending college at New School in New York.  I am excited for her and her brother who is also attending college.  My brother Ed  will also be there to celebrate this event with his granddaughter Samantha. More than ever I am acutely aware of the world Samantha, Austin, my other nieces, nephews and the rest of there generation will be inheriting.  
 
They will be inheriting a world which is, in many ways, vastly different than the world I and the rest of my generation entered when we were that age. When we were 18:
 

• There were no smart phones, computers, internet or access to other technological tools now available.
• Worldwide there was more violence than there is now.
• There was much less access to medication and other medical treatment than is now available to many,  although too many still do not have access.
• There was even more tolerance for racism, sexism, and other forms of abuse and discrimination.  Overall in the world today there is less tolerance for mistreatment of others but there is still much work to be done to make the world safe for all people.
• There was less global trade of all forms of goods and services in the world and less ability to exchange such goods and services. This applies to weapons as well as medication, medical equipment, food and information.
• Not everyone was judged on the basis of whether they went to college but there was much ranking and judgment of each other.
• If someone did attend college one could work and pay for college, often leaving debt free. This was true even if one attended ivy league colleges.
• There were more illusions (delusions) about the United States.  It was easier to hold on to these illusions.
• There was more trust in the belief in upward mobility as the way to create the perfect life as long as one was of a certain gender, race, class and sexual orientation. Many still pretended that this was true for all people - if one worked hard enough, but “all people” was till an exclusive, often closed club.
• We had little idea of the dangers of smoking, second hand smoke, pollution, and such illness as black lung disease.
• Closets were much smaller for most of us unless one was on a movie set.  We did not know that we needed many sets of costumes, 1000 thread sheets or other “necessities”.
• Most people seem to know their “assigned” neighbors and shared a sense of responsibility for each other. Neighbors did not live on the other side of the track or “the wrong side of the creek or at the other end of the town.  Within the

“closed” neighborhood there was a shared sense of responsibility for children.  The police were known within the community but not expected to be called for every age-related infraction

• There was less opportunity to compare oneself to others. I suspect that this made it easier to be patient.  Most did not expect to be able to purchase a house, new furniture, a new car and other goods when one began their life away from the home of their parent(s).
• If a woman was experiencing domestic violence the minister, priest or rabbi was likely to tell her that if she was a better wife the violence would stop.
• Cars did not have seat belts and other safety devices.   A V-8 engine was a source of pride and not a symptom of one’s disregard for resource limits and pollution.

 
One could, of course, continue this chronicle of changes for many pages and even books, but this brief list reminds us that many of the changes we are gifting to our children are, in the long term, going to result in new possibilities for creating a more just and safe world.  Although the state of flux which the world is now experiencing may be more intense and is certainly harder to ignore as we get minute by minute 24-7 news coverage via all our electronic devices I also think that the world is in the midst of a spiritual revolution.  I am acutely aware that there are many who continue to believe that the God of their understanding is the one true God and that one is called to destroy those who do not accept this “truth”.  It seems that there is even more whose primary allegiance is to a God or a sense of spiritual presence which is inclusive of all frameworks and paths.  This spirituality is, it seems to me more concerned with the science of who we are and the mystery of the interconnectedness of the universe.  We are at a stage of growth in which the meaning or nature of free will and individual and collective morality is being questioned.  We are on the cusp of acceptance of the very real possibility that earthly humans are not the only beings in the universes.  Many of us are both more ancient in our understanding of what it means to be present and more open to a new understanding of what it means to be present.
 
It is still, as Charles Dickens penned,  the best of times and the worst of times.  The young people who are now preparing to assume leadership of the world (universe) with which we have gifted them will have to make a clear choice of whether to embrace the exciting possibilities or the fear of the unknown.  Those who chose the latter will embrace attachments to fear, self-righteousness, power, religion, money, things or other mind numbing substances.  Those who chose the former will embrace the possible, the sunlight, and the beauty of the plurality of gifts which together we can bring to the design studio or dance floor of life.
 
There will be those who seek to label and medicate those who choose to embrace the possible.    They will mistake excitement or anticipation as anxiety; rejection of the status quo as depression or other mental “dis ease”.
 
I think most will choose the opportunity to embrace change, new possibilities and the excitement of what can be while channeling the best of their ancestors.
 
To the graduating classes of 2017 I say:  Welcome to the mantle of leadership.  Welcome to a new understanding and acceptance of the ever-expanding universe. Welcome to a new dance of light, color and possibly.
 
Written May 26, 2017
 
 
 
 
 

School Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 1 – Week 38
 
This is the last week I will meet with this class for this school terms. I am still waiting to hear if the budget and the schedule will allow me to teach next year.
 
The scholars are arriving now.
 
Me:  Good morning class.  Yes, we have cookies.  Sue please pass them out. 
 
(Sue passes them out and, as usual, they are quickly inhaled.)
 
Since this is our last class I am eager to hear that you liked or did not like about this class. What changes would you recommend if it is offered next year.
 
Sofia:  I really liked the class but I think we should have cookies very week.
 
(The rest of the class clap indicating their approval of this recommendations.)
 
Me:  I heard that loud and clear.  Besides the cookies what did you like or not like about this class.
 
Tommy:  You made us think but in a good way Mr. Jim.
 
Sofia: Yes.  My parents and you really seemed to care what I had to say Mr. Jim.
 
Me: That is great. I am really glad that you know that what you have to say is very important.   What else did you like or not like about the class?
 
Sue:  It did not feel like school Mr. Jim.
 
Me: What do you mean Sue.
 
Sue:  Well we did not get grades or hollered at because we did not so the homework.
 
Me: Great. I do not think hollering at each other works very well.  Actually, you did have homework every week and everyone always did it.
 
Sue: I guess so but it did not feel that way Mr. Jim.
 
Sam:  You make learning fun Uncle Jim.  You also make us feel smart as if we will soon be community leaders
 
Me:  As a matter of fact, you will soon be taking leadership roles in the entire community. Look how fast this year passed!
 
Tara:  Were you ever this young Mr. Jim?
 
Me:  It seems that just the other day I was your age.  I will have to show you a photograph sometimes. 
 
Ahmes:  I like the fact that it seems like us girls were just as important as the boys.
 
Me: In my mind, we are all the same in terms of our brains. 
 
Steve:  Girl brains and boy brains are the same Mr. Jim? 
 
Me:  Yes, there may be some slight differences but for a long-time man believed that women could not do math or be engineers.
 
Susie:  Could girls play football Mr. Jim?


Me:  They already do in many schools. I am not sure that getting hit on the heard is food for anyone, but that is another issue for another time.
 
Tara:  Why can’t all our classes be fun Mr. Jim?
 
Me:  Well I think that many of our classes could be more fun, but I also think that sometimes we just have to do stuff which is not always fun.
 
Tara: You told us that almost anything could be fun if we had the right “  atti  -  atti.  What was that word Mr. Jim.
 
Me:  I think that you mean attitude.  If I decide some job can be fun I think we can find a way to make it more interesting and fun.
 
Tommy:  How come some things are fun and others not so much?
 
Me:  Part of that is what we decide.   What I am hearing is that this class was fun most of the time because it seemed like the topics were important to us and our families and because adults and other young people listened to each other.
 
Steve:  I like that it always seemed like we are solving a puzzle.
I like that!
 
Me:  That is a very good observation Steve.  Most problems or issues are like a puzzle.
 
Sue: Even when we talked about sad things it felt good to talk with each other in this class.
 
Me:  Excellent Sue.  When we share sad events, it feels better than just dealing with them alone.
 
It is nearly time to end the class.   This summer on some Saturdays we will be making cookies at my house.  If you want to join us, ask your parents and then check with Sam or myself to see if it is a cookie making Saturday.  If it is, you are all welcome to come and help.
 
Steve and Susie please pass out the last of the cookies.
 
Ring!  Ring!  Ring!
 
Have a great summer. I hope to see you on cookie Saturday
 
Class: Bye Mr. Jim

​Written May 24, 2017
 
 
 

​School  Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 8 – Week 38
 
This is the last week of class for this school term.  I still am not sure whether the school budget and schedule will allow me  to return next year. Even though I am not paid, the limited budget may dictate that this time has to be used for another subject.
 
The students are now arriving.
 
Me:  Good morning class.  
 
Class:  Good morning Mr. Jim.  Cookies?
 
Me:  Yes, there are cookies.  Susie and Will please pass them out.
 
I am eager to hear your critique of the class this  year and whether there is one thing from the class you want to hold on to.
 
Tom:  My family and I talked about this.  We have done more talking about important topics then we ever did  before. We want to continue to do that.
 
Me: That is great Tom. Thanks for sharing that.
 
Ann: My family and I really like that we are learning to accept that no one has the answers.  We are learning to listen.  Mom and dad both said that they are better listeners at work and other places  I think I want to keep listening.
 
Me: I love that insight.  Thanks Ann.
 
Amena: When my family and I talked about this the word respect came up a lot.  We all feel that our opinions matter. It feels good to be respected.
 
Me:  That is wonderful Amena.  I love that each of you feel your opinion matters.
 
Paul:  Uncle Jim we have always had these sorts of discussions at home and with you but not in a class before.  We may be young but we are learning that we can talk about many different issues. If we can do that now we can do that as adults. It seems that often politicians and others talk past each other.
 
Me: That is a great observation Paul.   Hold on to that.
 
Susie:  Our family talked about the fact that now when we watch a television program, read a book, go to an art exhibit or a music performance we share our thoughts and then sometimes we look up more information.  We are learning to think out loud and to communicate.  Thanks Mr. Jim.
 
Me: You are welcome Susie.  I love that you are doing that.  Perhaps the art of conversation is not dead!
 
Will:  My family and I talked about the fact that we know that all the issues we talked about were important to all of us and our families.  We do not feel so different and alone.  We are more likely to bring up topics with other people.
 
Me:  That is great Will.  Sometimes us humans create differences because of sorts of reasons.   Race was never about race or the pigmentation of one’s skin. It was about power, money and trying to prove that some people were better than.  We humans frequently do not think we are enough.  Then we convince ourselves that we are different because of gender, age, race, color, size, money and or superficial differences.
 
Abdul:  My family and I have not always felt safe to express an opinion but now we are more likely to do so.  We know that we have to speak up if we want to be part of the solution.
 
Me:  That is wonderful Abdul.
 
John:  I have decided to try to join the debate team next year.  In our family, we no longer have arguments. We have debates. Changing the name to debates makes a huge difference. 
 
Me: Wow.  I am impressed with all of you.   As you can see I have been writing theses down on the white board.  Would it be okay if I turned them over to Mrs. Stanford to see if she can get permission to post them on our Facebook page?
 
Class: Yes.  (The clap)
 
Me:  Tom and Abdul please pass out the cookies.  I am going to miss you this summer. I know all of you will be in and out of town but when you are in town you can call or text Paul or I to see if it is a baking Saturday at my house.  You know this is also a discussion time.   If it is a baking Saturday and your parents give you permission. you are welcome to join us. Your parents are also welcome.   You have my phone number and my email address already.  Some of you also have Paul’s phone number.
 
Thank you for making this time such a fun and good learning time for me.
 
Ring!  Ring!  Ring!
 
Class: Thanks Mr. Jim.
 
 
 

​Grandma says:  “Respect yourself and others will respect you.”
 
You may have noticed that parents, grandparents and other teaching elders often attempt to share the same lesson in many different forms.  Certainly, self-respect was a core lesson which was explicit or implicit in all Grandma Fannie wanted to teach her grandchildren and other children. 
 
Self-respect implied to Grandma Fannie that one had taken to heart the Delphic Maxim to “know thyself” (gnothi seauton).  For Grandma Fannie knowing thyself would reveal the fact that:
 

• You were a child of God and expected to obey the commandments of Jesus including to love your neighbor as oneself.
• It was sometimes painful or certainly uncomfortable to be completely honest with oneself and with God.
• You have talents which you were expected to develop and use.
• You were intentional about all you did.
• You knew very little or nothing and would need to continue learning or attempting to learn all your life.

 
If one knew oneself one would “see” a correct image when one looked in the mirror each morning.  Seeing a correct image meant for Grandma Fannie that there were no filters and all that one did or did not do was evident in that image.  If what one saw did not result in self-respect then one could not expect God or other Godly people to respect one.   If there was no self-respect than one best get to work.  For Grandma Fannie, it was pretty simple.
 
When she said “Respect yourself and others will respect you.” she was not naive enough to think that everyone would respect one, but she did believe that even those who did not like you would often have  begrudging respect if you lived a life which was honest, responsible, hard working and kind to others.   She came from a background where it was expected that one did what needed to be done, did not complain and helped those who needed help.  She had little tolerance for those who whined, who bad mouthed others or who treated people, the land, or animals with disrespect.   She accepted that some, such as one of her sisters, had mental illness, and that disease  can cripple one and leave one dependent.   However, I am not sure that she understood or accepted addiction as an illness or understood that not all people were as bright and physically abled as she was.   As is true for many women she had to be very, very ill to prevent her from doing daily chores.   She also had a multitude of talents and abilities which she may have seen as “natural” for women.  I suspect she believed  we males were more limited.   Still, she expected her male and female’s grandchildren, nieces, nephews and  other children to live an intentional life based on what she considered core values. She expected that one would need to look in the mirror only once  in the morning and possibly once in the night to “see” if one could look oneself in the eye and, thus, look God in the eye.  To be able to do so meant that one did not need to hang one’s head in shame or hide from God.
 
For some, Grandma Fannie’s expectations might have seemed hard and as if they left no time for laughter.  She, however, would have said that when one has self-respect one has no need to spend time on regrets and is free to laugh, love and  be loved.     To Grandma Fannie self-respect allowed one to open one’s arms to give and receive love. Those living with shame use their arms to  push away lest the reason for their shame be exposed.
 
Self-respect left room for being human – for making mistakes.  When one made a mistake one was expected to be honest about that mistake, repair the mistake if possible, made amends when able, and to avoid making the same mistake again.    As we true for one of her sisters, Aunt Beulah the preacher, she was quick to forgive if one was honest about one’s misdeed.   She knew that a part of self-respect was making  peace with oneself and genuinely attempting to change one’s behavior.   If one failed, for example, to pay one’s debt or make arrangements to do so – financial or otherwise – one could not be proud of oneself and thus, could not  gain the respect of others.
 
I think that Grandma Fannie would have embraced modern social media and would now have a computer and a smart phone.  She would not hesitate to post a comment on Facebook to those who were bullying, posting their every movement, showing off their bodies or possession and being critical of others.   In fact, when I think of Grandma Fannie I think of the Tyler Perry character  Madea – that no nonsense, passionate, strong, loving, laughing “woman” who keeps everyone in line.  Grandma Fannie may have been white with a much quieter style that Madea, but I suspect that Madea was, in fact, the black Grandma Fannie- “You expect people to respect you when you ain’t got no self-respect. What are you thinking?  You done lost your mind child?’
 
Written May 22, 2017
 
 

​Sunday musings – May 21, 2017
 My first thought is that it has been a very routine week.  Time with friends, daily gym time, time with clients (on line, phone and in person), writing a daily blog, normal chores, attending fundraisers for organizations for which I am very thankful, and some time for reading and bike riding have filled the days and evenings.   Of course, I was also aware of being part of the body politic on a local, state, national and international level.  Yet, other than the fact that what each of us does reverberates to touch many and, thus, will have some effect I have not been a very responsible or active citizen this week.   In fact, I have not devoted a lot of time and energy tracking the events which are a result of the actions of the overall body politic and which affect the actions of the overall body politic.     Other than those seemingly few connections with individuals and organizations which seem committed to exploring the road to a conversation which will accomplish more that breast beating,  one is invited to join in the criticism or bashing of those labeled as opponents.  While I have no desire to be one of those who contribute to insanity because I hesitate to speak out, I seem unable or is it unwilling to be a someone who beats up others with my version of a  truth.  That is not to say that I can claim to have freed myself from all passionate, simplistic  sound bites or pronouncements of “the truth.”
At the same time, as I was sitting on the deck typing a letter to a man who has now been in prison for many years, I am acutely aware that he, along with many other inmates, refugees and those who are homeless or living in other dangerous situations would  love to be enjoying a “routine” life with the freedom to do all that I do or all that I choose not to do.  It is very easy to take this freedom for granted.
 This morning I was listening to someone talk about the life one has as a result of the accident of birth. I happen to be born in the United States of certain parents who inhabited a certain place in the financial hierarchy and who were possessing of certain characteristics while not having others.   I attended a 12-step lead  recently in which the speaker talked of his addicted parents and being taught early about surviving as an addict.  I read about another person who is both a king of a country and an airline pilot. Yet another person’s accident of birth has him or her bearing witness to the random killing of family members because of someone’s allegiance to their version of the truth or their addiction to power or ….
 I listen to quotes from the writings of Hannah Arendt about being both uprooted and those whom particular societies deem are superfluous.  Throughout history humans have been defining and redefining what it means to be human,  often as a way of justifying who is to live and who is to die.  We have seen this on a mass scale and we see this as a self-inflicted diagnosis as we compare our insides with someone else’s outsides. 
 
At a fund raiser for homeless veterans  and later while listening to a veteran talk about living with the aftermath of killing parts of oneself under the guise of killing the enemy I am reminded that PTSD is, in essence, the inability to integrate a particular traumatic experience into the core of one’s being.  It is like an induced schizophrenia which leaves one immobilized or frozen.
 
This week I can choose what I will  do with both my accident of birth and the totality of the effects of the decisions I have made in the nearly four scores of this life journey to date.  I am not imprisoned except to the extent that I imprison myself. 
 
What can I do?  I can show up with laughter, love, intention and be grateful for the gift of a routine.  Birds sing. The sun peeks out. My stomach grumbles.  A zephyr kisses my exposed flesh. I smile.
 
 
Written  May 21, 2017
 

​The Nature of Thinking
 
It is Saturday and as any regular reader of this blog will know I have, since yesterday, been listening to the podcast of the latest episode of On Being. This week Mrs. Tippett converses with the noted English historian Lyndsey Stonebridge.  The title given to this conversation is “Thinking and Friendship in Dark Times:  Hannah Arendt for Now.”
 
Hannah Arendt is commonly labeled as a political philosopher although that was not a label which she would have used for herself.  I certainly thought of her as more than that, but her reputation and her writings on political and moral philosophy led to my decision to apply to The New School for Social Research to read for a doctorate in philosophy.  The arrival of our son Jamie demanded a change in those plans. It was time to finish my master’s degree and  look for full time work. 
 
Ms. Arendt brought to her teaching her experience as a World War II Jewish refugee who lived for 18 years without a home or even a country.  Eventually she settled in the United States.  She brought the same courage and strength to her thinking and writing about social and political thought.  which allowed her to survive as a refugee. If my memory serves me correctly (so difficult to know) it was the professor, philosopher and poet Walter Kaufman and Professor Charles West who introduced me to the writing of Hannah Arendt.  Just as I knew both Professors West and Kaufman had something I wanted or needed to grow, so too I knew that Professor Arendt has something I wanted and needed if I was to grow.   She died just 5 years after I had been accepted to study with her. Yet, there is no shortage of her writings and attempts to either expound on her thoughts or to apply the results of her thinking to the issues which present themselves to those of us who are living today.  When I saw that Ms. Tippett and Dr. Stonebridge were going to be discussing “Hannah Arendt for Now” I experienced a myriad of thoughts and emotions including confusion and excitement. The confusion was related to the fact that I had not consciously thought of rereading the thoughts of Ms. Arendt to help expand my thinking about the political and social challenges of today. The excitement was that  which I experience every time I have an opportunity to visit and “converse’ with a trusted friend and colleague.  I was excited to revisit Dr. Arendt and hear the thoughts and possible insights of Ms. Tippett and Dr.  Stonebridge.  I was not disappointed.  As always I encourage the reader to listen to the podcast of “On Being”.  I have only listened to it twice and read the transcript one time, but I am sure I will revisit it several times and spend time rereading the works of Ms. Arendt. 
 
Following this long introduction my primary focus today is based on the following quote of Dr. Arendt by Dr. Stonebridge on the nature of thinking:
 
“MS. STONEBRIDGE:  Thinking, she says, is not the same as judgment, but it creates the right conditions for judgment. But also, she says, if you can’t have the inner dialogue, then you can’t speak and act with others. What she called “the banality of evil” was the inability of hear another voice, the inability to have a dialogue either with oneself or the world, the moral world.”
 
Once again, I have to ask myself how it was that I did not recall what Professor Arendt meant by the term “the banality of evil”.  Did I not hear it or did not register in my brain when I did read or hear it?  I have no idea.  I am well aware that others have offered a different interpretation of this phase.  Yet, what Professor Stonebridge suggests makes perfect sense in the context of what I do recall about her thoughts on the nature of thinking and the possibility of dialogue.
 
It seems to me that what passes for political or even moral dialogue in the United States and elsewhere falls short of what Dr. Arendt is labeling as thinking.  So often what I “hear’ is one person or group stating their “truth” and another person or group stating their “truth”.  Neither side seems to have the willingness or the ability to hold even the possibility of alternate truths in their brain.  If one cannot entertain the possibility of  another “truth” or opinion can we say that the person is engaged in thought?   On more than one occasion someone has said to me when I dare to offer an opinion which is different than the one they are offering, “That is your problem. You just do not think.”  Often it seems that agreement with the other person is equated with thinking.
 
I know it is easy to virtually point fingers at others rather than being more aware of how many often I shut down any possibility of internal dialogue because I have decided that there is only one possible “truth”.   
 
I suggest that the lack of dialogue leads to lack of connection which leads to isolation and loneliness which can lead to depression, anger, justification, self-righteousness, dehumanizing others, and then some form of violence against the non-human “other”. 
 
Whether on the “right” or “the left” the refusal to open to a dialogue will lead to polarization, name calling and lack of ability to work and live together.  In the United States, we clearly saw that in the last election and we continue to see it in post presidential election United States.   We also see it in other countries as many individuals and communities close the borders/circle up the wagons and become more entrenched in their unipolar truth!    Vera Britain and others astute observers noted that in post WW I, the allies treated the Germans as the evil non-humans thus helping to create the conditions which were ripe for a leader such as Hitler who would give many of those same people a sense of importance they had not previously felt.  When us humans are already feeling cut of and depressed, it becomes easy to turn off the internal dialogue and to then cut off any possibility of dialogue with anyone who is “not like us”.
 
Once again, my personal resolve is to be more intentional about the internal dialogue so that I may be hope open to a dialogue with others.  Once again I want to challenge myself to the process of thinking as opposed to repeating my opinions as “the truth”.
 
Written May 20, 2017