One of the issues which I often discuss with clients, colleagues, and friends is the definition of success. I was reminded of this when I read an article by Elizabeth Hofreuter-Landini entited “Exploring the Meaning of Success in School.” She is head of a private school in Wheeling, WV. Her definition of success in the school setting is, “...about challenging a student so he or she knows the risk of truly learning – being pushed to the point that learning is awkward.” Earlier in the same article she states, “As a nation, we got confused somewhere along the line that learning was evidenced by high grades and high test scores.”
Occasionally I have taught a college course and I have often taught new counselors. One of the chief criteria or skills I look for is the ability to think outside the box, to reach for the seemingly impossible. When I am teaching, I give very little credit for the ability to memorize certain “facts” or formulas.
There are many ways to pose the question of success. I might ask someone what they think it means to be spiritually successful. I might ask them what they think my primary job should be. I recall talking to a builder who was very financially successful, but who was bored with his work. I asked, “What would you like to see happen in the buildings you build? How is what goes on in that building going to make the world more just or loving for our children? I asked the same question of myself. How is what I am doing going to allow this person to get excited about sharing his or her gifts in a way which helps all of us to create a more just and loving community?
A friend of mine who is a Monsignor in the Roman Catholic Church recently shared that his intellectually- challenged brother is now living in the same community. Monsignor observed that in many respects his brother was much more spiritual than many of us because he was able to share love in a very straightforward and uncomplicated manner. Monsignor was stating the obvious truth that many of we humans complicate the simple message of Christ. We humans can get so focused on being good Christians or good Buddhists or good Jews or whatever that we are constantly judging/grading ourselves or others. We may get a good grade for obeying the rules, but have failed to practice love.
I often say to myself at the beginning of the workday that my primary purpose as a counselor/therapist is to show up with love. If or when I can manage to do that I often “hear” the client or the student in a way I would not otherwise hear them. I also ask myself a question at the beginning of every appointment with an individual, family or group, “If this were the last hour for me or one of the others with whom I am going to spend the next hour what would be important?” Obviously not much would be important except to show up with love. Of course I want to help the person achieve the goals for which he or she sought help or signed up for a class, but, if not careful, I will focus on changing a behavior or getting the person to follow a set of rules and guidelines and miss the fact that they are merely changing behavior to please me rather than because they are excited about learning how to take better care of themselves or how to use knowledge to help others.
If Mrs. Hofreuter-Landini can create a school setting in which teachers and students are equally excited about learning for the sake of learning and not for the sake of the grade, she will have done more than her share in making the world a more just and loving place. She will have created a setting in which students say, “We will find a way to take care of each other.”
Hats off to Mrs. Hofreuter-Landini and others such as hers who are determined to help us learn to think outside the box; to get excited about learning.
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