Solid

I am going to depart from my usual format this morning..

I want to briefly  honor someone whom I greatly admire.  That person is my brother-in-law, Carl.  Yesterday I joined he and my sister Bonnie along with a few others to celebrate Carl’s 80th birthday.  He and my sister have been together nearly 60 years and, thus, he has been a part of my life for a very long time.  I am sure that various family members, including my sister, will have many adjectives to use when describing their experience with and impression of this man.   All of our adjectives will, of course,  describe our own personal relationship.  I have not lived geographically close to them during this 60 years. Thus, my impressions can be formed only during brief, usually yearly, visits and from their children and  grandchildren.  

When I think of Carl, I think of words such as gentle, solid, kind, strong, loyal,  and playful.  He seems to me to be very consistent in his love and his commitment to his family and his and my sister’s extended family.  He frequently has a twinkle in his eye, but that twinkle can quickly take a back seat to a stern, clear voice when a child needs reminded of some boundaries or limits.  Since I only have cameo appearances in his life, I know little about what he thinks and feels aside from what I observe.  I do know that I admire and am appreciative of the fact that he has been there to  share life’s joys and hardships with my sister.  I love all my siblings, but my sister, Bonnie, was my first sibling. She is two years older and was there to help welcome me when I arrived in this life journey.  

Since I have lived far away  since I have been 18  and each of us were involved in the details of our individual lives, I cannot say that we know each other well.  Neither Carl nor my sister are letter writers although instant messaging and email have made it easier to stay in touch.  I have always, however, been aware of the fact that Bonnie and Carl, along with our sister Pat, have assumed all the responsibility for helping to care for our father prior to his death, caring our paternal grandparents, and still caring for our mother.    Despite the fact that caretaking can be exhausting and, at times, frustrating, they never once have  criticized me for not being there to help.   My sisters might take the lead, but Carl was always there to help when needed and to be quietly supportive the rest of the time. 

 Now, I  do not want to give Carl the burden of sainthood.  Mercy! That seems much too much to lay on anyone. Besides that would be presumptuous of me and imply a closer relationship than we have.

As I move closer myself to that eighty year mark, I am more and more appreciative of those very basic, simple qualities which sustain us throughout our lives.   I have had relationships which are emotionally closer, certainly ones which were more passionate, and ones which were more challenging emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually than the one I have with Carl.  Fortunately, I have also had a few which I would describe as solid.   I was thinking this morning of the quality of solid in a relationship.   I had a text from a friend who is making a special effort to visit a mutual sick friend while I am out of town.  She is visiting more since I am unable to visit. I would also describe her as solid.   

I know that no matter what, if I really needed something or if my sister, mother, or other family member needed something and Carl was able, he would be there.  That says a lot about this solid man. 

Happy birthday Carl and thanks for being my teacher.