​Sunday musings – Elegant Courage
 
Last night my friend Marv invited me and several other mutual friends as well as his mother to join the table he sponsored at the annual 2016 Physician of the Year Scholarship dinner of the Gateway Medical Society.   The Gateway Medical Society which is a component of the National Medical Association has  accomplished since 1963 “increasing the privileges of black physicians at major Pittsburgh hospitals; increased number of black medical students at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine;  and in conjunction with the Urban League, Dr. Oswald Nickens, founded the first school for pregnant teenagers in Western Pennsylvania.”  They mentor  students in high school and college as well as provide scholarships.  
 
The dinner and celebration was held at the Pittsburgh Marriott City Center.  Entering the room one first noticed the bright red chair covers tied with white bows, red tablecloths and smiling centerpieces of white peonies and red roses which framed the group of beautiful men and women of many hues and colors  ranging in age from high school to the older folks proudly  “dressed to the nines” entering the space. Many of those attending brought rich histories of many generations of those who have been taking care of each other from the days of overt oppression to that of still thinly disguised discrimination designed to hold on to the myths which allow those who need to push down someone else to build up their stories because it is not enough to be themselves. 
 
The woman sitting next to me was the mother of one of the handsome, tall, proud 18 year-old young men who any of us would be proud to call son. Her successful sons by any professional, academic or spiritual standards were following in the footsteps of her as well as the many generations of powerful women (and men) who had known that as part of a village they had much to contribute.  In fact everyone at this and, I am sure, all the tables in the room, brought generations of love, courage and determination to the village in which they claimed membership. That village includes all shades, ages, professions, genders, sexual orientations, and backgrounds.  None were limited by the narrow definitions of village in which many of our frightened neighbors continue to hide.
 
I could not help but be aware, once again, of the rich faith in the sacredness of the roles we are meant to claim in insuring that everyone in the village is loved and challenged to be their best. Often, in this setting it is the heritage of a community which is wrapped in the language of the Christian tradition but wrapped in a special cloth which has been washed in the pain, tears, and, yes, joys of “we shall overcome.”   And indeed, the God of their understanding which held up those in that room was calling them to claim their place in that elegant setting.
 
Not many years ago no black medical person could enter the front door or be in the same room with a white patient.  Yet, none of the artificial constructs of race – this social construct of race – dampened the determination and courage of those in the room all of whom brought with them the legion of ancestors in whose brave steps they have walked, crawled and, yes, danced.
 
 
It was a happy evening of tears of joy, pride and humility. I and all who attended are richer for having spent the evening in the company of the village.     I am especially humbled that this white, gay farm boy is included in the gathering which is called to keep creating a new dance of love, courage and elegance.
 
Written October 30, 2016  

​School Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 1 – Week 11
 
As always I am excited to hear the results of the discussions the first grade students had with their families about the assigned topic.  The previous week we had discussed why some people bully other people.   This week we are to discuss the best way to respond to a bully. 
 
The students are now arriving.
 
Me:  Good morning class.
 
Class: Good morning Mr. Jim.  Cookies?
 
Me: Yes, we have cookies.  Steve and Susie will you please pass out the cookies.
 
They do so. 
 
Me: I am eager to hear what you and your families think is the best way to respond to a bully.
 
Tommy: You said that the bully is scared or feels that they have to show how important they are.
 
Me:  That is right Tommy.
 
Tommy:  In our family sometimes I don’t want to talk about something or do something because I am scared or because I am busy. Then I might get angry.
 
Me:   Okay. How does the family respond?
 
Tommy:  Not just me.  The rule in our family is if anyone gets angry  give them a little times and space.
 
Me: Then what happens?
 
Tommy: Usually when no one is paying any attention I realize that I need to talk.  Then I feel better and I do whatever I need to do.
 
Me:  That is great.  Everyone in the family has agreed to this?
 
Tommy:  Yes. At first I did not like talking and even now I am not comfortable, but I realized that even mom and dad are not always comfortable talking.
 
Me:  That is great.  How about the rest of you?
 
Susie:  I used to try to bully my little brother and then mom and dad called a family meeting.  They wanted to know if it was okay if they treated me the way I was treating my little brother.  No way I said. That would not be fair.  They are bigger than me.  Then they asked how that was different than the fact that I was bigger and scarier to my little brother.  I said, “I don’t know.”  They said that we would have a new rule that it was not okay for the bigger people to bully the smaller people.  In our family the same rules apply to everyone.  Well, not always. I am not allowed to drive or have a glass of wine.
 
Me:  There are some age appropriate rules or rules based on ability.  You are not old enough to drive a car or to drink alcohol.
 
In your family it is not okay for anyone to bully but if someone slips they temporarily give them a little time and space and then you talk about whether this is a good way for everyone in the family to behave.
 
What about other families?
 
Sam:  In our family if someone gets angry or tries to be mean to another person, no one gets angry back.  It is kind of like Steve’s family.  We know that the angry person is tired or scared of something.   If I am mad everyone is just really nice and pretends that I am talking about being scared or whatever I am feeling.
 
Me:   How does that feel Sam?
 
Sam:  At first I get madder because I know that everyone knows what I am feeling.  Then I feel dumb because no one is fooled.
 
Me:  Is the same thing true if mom and dad are angry?
 
Sam:  When they are tired or worried about money or something they say that they are feeling worried or grumpy.  Sometimes they draw a picture on the white board of a mean looking person. Paul and I do that too.  That way everyone knows that we are having a difficult time and they just leave us alone. It is funny that once you admit that you are just tired or worried you do not get angry at others in the family.
 
Me:  Yes, or if you do, they know you are just having a difficult time and are very loving.
 
Tara:  What if it is not in the family?  Sometime kids in other classes get hit and get hurt. 
 
Me:  That is true.  What should be do then?
 
Steve:  Sometimes the other kids hit the person who hit the other kid.
 
Me:  Does that seem to work Steve?
 
Steve: Sometimes. I am pretty big and if I tell someone not to be mean they stop.
 
Me:  So that temporarily solves the problem but why doesn’t it work long term?
 
Steve: My dad says that only works until someone can figure out how to be bigger or more powerful.  For example, sometimes people, even kids, get a gun. Then the kid with the gun is bigger or scarier for a time.
 
Me:  Very good Steve. So that only works for a short time. Long term no one gets better.
 
Ahmes: But what about when countries are the bully?
 
Me:  What do you think Ahmes?
 
Ahmes:  Sometimes in my country people do not back down and are put in jail.  Then it seems as if the bully is winning. 
 
Tommy:   Countries bomb each other.
 
Me:  Do you think that works Tommy?
 
Tommy: If you kill all the bad people that seems to work.
 
Me:  It seems as if we have been killing those we label bad for a long time and there is still a lot of fighting going on.
 
Tara:  Uncle Jim are you saying we should not kill the bad people?
 
Me:  I am asking if we need to find another way which works better long term.
 
Sue:  This is very confusing Mr. Jim.
 
Me:  Did Dr. Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela practice another way?
 
Susie:  Non-violence protest.
 
Me:  Yes, they still stood up against bullying but they did so in a loving way.
 
Ahmes:  Why would you want to be loving to a mean person Mr. Jim?
 
Sam:  Because we want to show them another way?
 
Me: Very good Sam.  It sounds as if you are saying that we can either act like the bully by being mean or we can do our best to show them there is another way.
 
Steve: Could wo do that as a country Mr. Jim?
 
Me:  That is a good question.  Just this morning I was listening to a Ted Talk by Ian Bremmer who is suggesting just that.  He is saying the United States could lead by example of showing a more peaceful way – a non-violent approach to solving problems.
 
Sam: The presidential candidates are not doing that.
 
Me:  No, they do not seem to be doing so.  We are near the end of the class.   Sam and Ahmes suppose you pass out another cookie to everyone while we summarize what we have suggested. Everyone help here and I will write on the board.
 
Class:
·      Treat the bully as a scared person.
·      Give the bully some space when possible.
·      Get the help of an adult.
·      Do not act like the bully.
·      Think what else might be going on with the bully.
·      Stand up non-violently.
·      Ask what it would be like if we all acted like bullies when we are scared, tired or not feeling good.
·      Let others know you are having a difficult day without being mean.
·      Talk.
 
Me: Very good class.  You students are going to make really fine leaders.  For next week since it is getting close to the presidential election how about each of you make up a presidential candidate and then pretend to be that person and talk about a problem you would try to fix if you were president. I will send home this suggestion as well as all the ways you suggested dealing with the bully. It seems as if we also ended up talking about when we are the bully as well as when someone else is the bully.
 
Have a good week.
 
Write October 26, 2016

​School Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 8 – Week 11
Role of Police/law enforcement
 
Last week the students and I began a discussion about acceptable ways to deal with anger and violence.  This week we agreed to talk about a related subject:  what job we want the police to do in our neighborhoods and cities.   I had written down this question for them to take home to share with their families between then and class this week.   I love the fact that the students and their families have developed the habit of talking about the assignment for a week prior to the class.  All the family members seem committed to doing this.
 
When I was growing up both in Chicago and later in both rural Oklahoma and Tulsa, Oklahoma I learned that police were:
 
·      Always white/Caucasian.
·      Males.
·      Our friend who would help if we needed.
 
Other than the time when my grandfather who as an older man (much younger than I now am) was deputy sheriff for a time in Sapulpa, Oklahoma, I do not recall even having a conversation or any other interaction with a law enforcement officer.  It was not until I was in the military and dealt with intelligence officers (again, white males) that I learned that some were there to catch you doing something wrong.   It was also not long before I learned that people such as Mr. J. Edgar Hoover, famous or infamous director of the FBI, kept files on people like me who were active in anti-war demonstrations or who were suspected of being involved in activities such as homosexual activity which could be used as blackmail not only by some enemy but the FBI itself.   Still, for a long time I did not associate that behavior with local police officers.  It was not until the riots of the late 1960s and early seventies erupted that I began to realize that often the police and the National Guard seem to be there to protect people other than me, people of color,  and those labeled as trouble makers.  It was also about then that non-white friends began to share with me their experience of getting stopped and often arrested just on the basis of their color.  Since then I have been a part of many discussions about the often contradictory messages we give to law enforcement officers. This includes local police who are increasingly diverse culturally, racially and in terms of gender.  Despite the diversification, our view of police as those who are racially biased and to be feared has increased for many citizens, but especially for those non-white citizens.  In recent years the perception of the seemingly discriminatory use of violent force against those who are perceived to be African American has increased.   Statistically, the evidence is not always clear but recent use of body cameras has documented some such cases.  Also, the use of private cell phones at the scenes of altercations between police and citizens has greatly increased.   
 
Regardless of what the statistics show, the fact is that we citizens seem increasingly confused about the job we want or expect police to do. The fact that we often expect police to respond to situations in which people are angry and/or violent is another reason to follow up last week’s discussion with this one.
 
Here come the students now.
 
Me:  Good morning everyone.
 
Class:   Good morning Mr. Jim. Cookies?
 
Me:  Yes!  We have cookies.  Shall be start with one each?  Ann and John will you pass them out please?
 
Ann and John willingly do so.
 
Class: Thanks Mr. Jim.  More later?
 
Me:  Yes there is enough for each to have at least one more.
 
How was the discussion with your families about the job we want police to do?  Amena will you handle the white board?
 
Amena:  Yes, Mr. Jim.
 
Me: Great. Thanks. Okay.  Shout out one at a time some of the jobs we want the police to do.
 
Class:
 
Protect.
 
Traffic.
 
Problem solve.
 
Investigate.
 
Solve crimes.
 
Prevent violence.
 
Talk sick people off the bridge or high buildings.
 
Calm down angry families.
 
Me:  Wow! You all have given a lot of thoughts to this question. Excellent.
 
What factors make it difficult for the police to do all these jobs?
  
Will:  Easier to see potential problems in city neighborhoods especially poor neighborhoods where they may be more people of color.
 
Me: Why do you think that is Will?
 
Will:  People are on the street more. Poor people do not have cars and underground garages.
 
Me: That is certainly true.  What else?
 
Abdul:  Poor people don’t have air conditioning and in the summer are outside more than people with air conditioning.
 
Susie:  Young people may not have a parent at home when they get home from school.
 
Me:  So it sounds as if we are saying that problems or issues in poor neighborhoods might be more obvious.
 
Paul:  If they see poor people more and there are more poor people of color will they think that more poor people of color are likely to commit crimes?
 
Me:  Good point Paul.  If people live in cities in expensive apartments, townhouses or condos with thicker walls it may be more difficult to know what is going on inside. Also, expensive places have air conditioning, security guards and other protections.  As we get out of the city, many people live in homes with automatic garage door openers and fenced in back yards. One might never see one’s neighbor unless one is collecting mail or mowing the front lawn.
 
What else makes job of police more difficult?
 
Tom:   Guns.  Everyone has a gun or might have a gun.  It is easy to mistake something else for a gun.
 
Will:  We have a sign outside our door that says no guns in this house.
 
Ann:  Does not that make it more dangerous?  What if a crook sees that sign?
 
Will:  The hope is that they are going to know we will not shoot them or fight with them and are less likely to have their guns ready to shoot.
 
Me:  Interesting. The police if they should come to the door will know that also.
 
Paul:  We have a similar sign as do you Uncle Jim.
 
Me: That is true. 
 
What else make the job of the police difficult?
 
Susie:  My parents said that when they were growing up they knew the police officers and the officers knew them. They were neighbors. Where we live now we do not know the police officers and do not even talk to them because they are in their cars.
 
Abdul:  In our neighborhood the police have started walking more and riding bikes more.  They stop to talk.    Our police officers are usually Ms. Abbey and Mr. John.  
 
Will: They came to our church school class and talked to us.
 
Me: You all seem to be saying that the more the police and the citizens know each other by name and see each other in other settings the more likely they can work together.
 
Will: I think so.  That is what my parents think also.
 
Abdul:  Mine also.
 
Ann:  My family thinks that the police need to be taught to protect without using guns so often.
 
Tom:  If the citizens all have guns or if the police think they might have, it would be scary to be a police officer.
 
Susie:  Yes, my cousin is a police officer and his family is always afraid he will die.  We have read about a lot of police officers getting killed.
 
Me:  Is that number going up or down?
 
Susie: Up I think.
 
Me: Actually, it was 146 in 2014 in the United States, 130 in 2015 and so far this year 103.  That does not mean it is less scary but the number is going down.  However, the number of people of all races being killed by police has been slowly but steadily gone up the past three years.    There is a perception that there is a larger increase in the number of blacks being killed but the statistics I was able to find suggested that there is an increase among all races.
 
Tom: Do we want the police killing so many?  I heard that in some cities that the police are examining whether to still teach their officer to shoot to kill.
 
Ann:  I read that is controversial because the person they are trying to apprehend may or may not shoot to kill them.
 
Paul:  It would be scary to be a police officer. I would not want my sister to be a police officer.
 
Amena:  When my family and I were talking about the job of the police we decided that it seems as if the job of the police has changed a lot.   For example, if a young child of a working parents gets out of the house someone calls the police rather than offering to help.
 
Ann:  We were talking about that too.  It seems as everyone is too busy to help each other and the police are called for everything.
 
Susie:  Even the laws to help victims of domestic violence says that someone has to be arrested.
 
Me: What was the reason for changing that law Susie?
 
Susie: Because the person getting beat was too afraid to press charges. Our family talked about this also. To try to be fair they decided that the police always had to arrest someone.
 
Me: So are we saying again that we have made it difficult for the individual police officer to make a judgment and use common sense?
 
Ann: Yes, but my mother who volunteers at the shelter for abused women said it used to be that some police officers would always take the side of the abuser.
 
Me: We continue to seem to say that the easiest way to make it seem fair may be to pass all or nothing laws but that is not good for everyone either.
 
Tom:  We really are confused about what we want police to do aren’t we Mr. Jim?
 
Me:  It seems that way. Why is it important to realize that?
 
Paul:  If we are confused and giving the police confusing messages we cannot just blame the police for all the problems.
 
Me:  Outstanding Paul. If we are going to explore better solutions, we have to stop just pointing fingers.  When we point fingers we never have a discussion and without a discussion we will not solve problems. 
 
Abdul: Mr. Jim you are saying if we think we already know the answer there is no reason to look at other options.
 
Me: Outstanding Abdul. That is exactly what I am saying.
We did not come up with any answers but we know that we have to take responsibility for some of the problem.  It is easier to just blame the police but the truth is that we are not clear about what we expect of them.
 
Class:  Cookies!!!  Cookies!
 
Me:  Paul and John will you pass out the cookies please?
 
They pass out the cookies.
 
Me:  For next week does anyone have a topic they want to suggest.
 
Susie:  Could we talk about why medications are so expensive?
 
Amena:  Yes, I am confused about that. My sister needed an Epipen and my parents could not afford a new one.
 
Me:  Me Great .  Let me type that out and then I will ask Susie and Amena to pass out the papers to share with families.
 
Again I am so impressed with everyone in this class. Great job.
 
Ring!  Ring!   Ring!
 
Written October 25, 2016

​Grandma says, “Pretty is as pretty does”
 
I have previously written about the wisdom of many of our grandparents and particularly that of our grandmothers.  Often, like one of those legendary fruitcakes, their wise sayings needed to lie dormant for a long time before the words were fully cured or aged in our minds.  The sage slivers of wisdom may have actually come from a blood-connected grandmother or one of those self-appointed grandmothers who took seriously their role as village grandmother.   We may have also had many wise grandfathers in our lives, but, for whatever reason, it is often the legion of grandmothers who gather for a head shaking conference in my brain.  They may have a sit down, head shaking, finger waving, “coming to Jesus” meeting with me at any moment, but they are most likely to appear when they observe a moment in my life which assures them that I have taken a leave of my senses. I am never quite sure whether the concern is for the actual misdeed or for the fact that I have apparently forgotten that big momma (I have this Tyler Perry Madea image permanently etched in my brain) ain’t never too old to whack some sense into this brain.
 
One of those cross-stitch framed grandmother wall hangings is “Pretty is as pretty does.”   Grandmother Pickett was quite clear that no amount of city slick Brylcreem slicked-backed hair, shirt collar turned up, pretense of every woman’s dream man did not hide the obvious ugliness resulting from behavior which in no way was pleasin’ to God. “What were you thinking child? That I would not notice or God was hanging out on the street corner showin’ off His stuff?  What?”
 
In grandmother’s house it was painfully clear that God was on duty 24/7 and that his faithful servant in the form of grandmother could never be accused of failing to execute her duty of reminding one that actions and not words or looks counted in this house.  There was no limit to the words which were used to remind me in no uncertain terms that no behavior or lack of behavior would go unnoticed.
 
Whether or not the tone of my voice, the scowl on my face or the disrespect of the wearing of jeans with holes (however artfully placed) signaled my moral decline was immaterial.  The fact is I knew that as soon as I experienced that knowing slap alongside my head, I had violated a basic principle of human decency and had best have an attitude adjustment which brought me down a peg or two to a level of humility which was located in the sub-basement of the house which did not have a cellar, much less a basement.
 
These days the grandmothers who visit me may often be much younger than I am.  They are not always even women although they often are.   It seems that no matter how old I get there is always a grandmother close by to remind me that, at heart, I am still in need of a reminder that my behavior at times assures everyone that  “You do not have the sense that God gave the goose.”
 
Less there be any confusion I am not talking about the faux grandmother whose chastising reminders are meant to judge and not teach – that faux grandmother who does not have her hands and arms open just to summon the help of Jesus (or whatever deity of her understanding) to address this latest act of stupidity, but also has her arms open to embrace and bury one’s head in the ample warmth of her heart and the equally suffocating ampleness of her bosom.   Grandmother reminders always come with the sure belief that we are worth more than our behavior would seem to warrant at the moment.    Grandmother reminders are not the stuff of the behavior of the 2016 Presidential candidates.  Apparently neither candidate had the blessing of Perry Tyler’s, Big mamma, or Maya Angelou’s authentic grandmothers.  If they had, the timbre of this campaign would have been remarkably different.  Perhaps we need a real grandmother – tough, loving, wise – to be president at his time in our history.
 
I nominate and vote for Perry Tyler’s Madea. “Bring it on Big Momma!”
 
Written October 24, 2016

​Reclaiming the antithesis of sin
 
Since I am writing on Friday the reader will not be surprised that I have downloaded and listened to the most recent podcast of On Being hosted by Krista Tippett.   Her conversation of October 20, 2016 recorded at Washington University in St. Louis was with David Brooks, columnist for the New York times and author of The Social Animal and The Road to Character and E. J. Dionne, columnist for The Washington Post, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution, professor at Georgetown University and author of Souled Out:  Reclaiming Faith in Politics after the Religious Right and Why the Right Went Wrong.   The title they gave to this conversation was Sinfulness, hopefulness, and the Possibility of Politics.  (I strongly urge the reader of this blog to read and savor the entire conversation between these three articulate seeking souls.)
 
As any aware person in the United States and indeed much of the world knows, in just a couple of week voters in the United States will elect a new president.   There has been and continues to be a lot of discussion about the negative level of discourse during this very long election campaign which has led to many discussions about the state of the body politic and, in fact, the political process in the United States.   Not surprisingly with such thoughtful individuals as Dr. Brooks,  Mr. Dionne, and Mrs. Tippett the subject of sin would emerge.  Depending on one’s framework for the search for meaning and, thus, the search for how humans can or should interact with each other and the universe in general, one might or might not use the word sin.   Certainly in past election campaigns in the United States the concept of sin was usually based in the framework of particular religious doctrines.  In my experience, it was often used to describe how badly humans are likely to behave unless reined in by some internal and external force.  Thus, the very mention of the word might be enough to cause one to cower in shameful awareness of all the ways in which one has fallen short of being the person one aspires to be.    It was and is ironic that this term often results in one attempting to avoid a connection with oneself, with others or the rest of the universe(s) as well as the God of one’s understanding.   Yet, when I think of the concept of sin I think of a disconnection of the core of who we are, from others and from any concept of a higher being.   Sin then describes a condition which is isolating and not conducive to any healthy organization of people – political or social.  I suppose that sin now becomes an apt term to describe the condition of the political body in the United States.  The passionately negative state of the campaign has driven the body politic further and further apart. Thus, the current state of the body politic could be described as one in a state of sin(disconnection) and sinful.
 
In the conversation between Dr. Brooks, Mr. Dionne and Ms. Tippets, Dr. Brooks states:
 
” But then how do you talk about it?
You really can’t talk about “original sin.” People will just push you away. And so I go to Augustine’s concept of “disordered loves” which is we all love a lot of things, and we all know some loves are higher than others. Our love of truth should be higher than our love of money, but because of some screw-up in our nature, we get our loves out of order all the time. So if a friend blabs to you a secret and you tell it at a dinner party, you’re putting your love of popularity above your love of friendship, and that’s a sin. And I think, in this world, which doesn’t like to peer darkly into brokenness, it’s easier to swallow the concept of two positive things that are out of order. And that’s a way you can introduce the concept of sin.”
 
 
 
It seems that the term “disordered loves” or what the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr calls inherited corruption with pride being the base corruption leads to what I am calling a disassociation or a disconnection with ourselves.  It is understandable that all spiritual teachings stress honesty with and acceptance of self as a necessary act or condition for spiritual enlightenment.  Dishonesty results in disconnection. The current rhetoric and behavior of the political candidates seems to be designed to tear asunder rather than bring together.  Thus, we could, even in the current secular atmosphere, describe the current political process as sinful- as that which is designed to separate and to, thus, prevent a working together to order our combined resources to take care of each other.
 
Whether in the precise and eloquent words of Dr. Brooks and Mr. Dionne or the passionate plea of the evangelical preacher we must indeed free ourselves from the temptations of sin – of blaming and disconnecting – and focus on our shared need to build community which is the antithesis of sin. While we may no longer need the paradoxes inherent in most if not all organized religions, we do desperately need and deserve an organized way of regularly gathering for the express purpose of exposing the needs and wounds of all the members of the body politic in order to adopt guidelines and perhaps even a few rules that will allow us to live together harmoniously and to share the resources of food, shelter, medicine and other resources. 
 
Not all of us are able to meet in such lofty and auspicious settings as Washington or Georgetown University. Not all of us will feel comfortable within the often narrow framework of mainstream religious meetings or the rarified halls of such institutions as the Unitarian church.  We will need to continue to experiment with gathering venues for reclaiming (or claiming) vibrant, passionate, inclusive spaces in which we, the small units of the body politic, decide how to join together rather than tear asunder.
 
Written October 21, 2016

​If I were president
 
Last night the last of the official presidential debates was broadcast to the world. Of course, it will not be the last of the accusations and conflicting approaches to issues before and after the November 8 election in the United States.   
 
It has often been my habit to attempt to imagine what it must be like to actually occupy the office of president of this country or any other country. It is difficult for me to imagine having an important leadership position responsible for making decisions which potentially affect trillions of people.   Yet, the truth is that I do make decisions which affect a great many people.   When I think about the power of a non-judgmental smile, a harsh word or a simple pay-it-forward act in the context of the six degrees of separation, I am humbled and a lot less likely to self- righteously dismiss the opinion of another person or, even worse, to confuse the opinion with the person.
 
I am tempted to be very critical of the presidential candidates or even current leaders in the United States or other countries. Yet, I must ask myself for the details of what I would propose as president regarding such issues as health care, immigration, the commitment of military forces in conflicts around the world, so-called terrorism, abortion, and a host of other issues.  From the comfort and safety of my armchair it is quite easy for me to proffer opinions or, more likely, to criticize.  Yet, if suddenly I was thrust into the position of president or even a presidential candidate what plans would I offer?  How realistic would those proposals be in the context of the three branches of the government of the United States?  What compromises would I be willing to make? 
 
My understanding is that President Obama receives his morning briefing on his iPad.   Does he open and read the briefing while he is performing his morning absolutions?  Does he prime his brain with the caffeine of coffee or tea prior to turning on the iPad?  Does he insist on photos of everyone directly and indirectly affected by our military actions?   Does he play a video in his head of those who cannot afford the deductible of their health insurance policy while simultaneously playing a video of the morning routine of the CEO of the health insurance company?  Does he have a photograph of the migrant worker who helps to keep food prices relatively low?  Does he think of the agony of the family who has just been told their son or daughter died of a drug overdose or the life of the children of those whose finances are dependent on the sale of drugs? Does he ask how the drug dealer on the street is different that the leaders of the pharmaceutical company who charge hundreds of dollars for a product which costs a few dollars to make? 
 
It is easy for me to imagine shutting off my iPad, returning to bed and pulling the covers over my head in an attempt to shut out or turn off these internal videos.
 
Perhaps instead of hiding under the covers I would insist on a moment to review my spiritual goals for the day.  Perhaps I would have to remind myself of my core values. These might include:
 
·      All lives are equally sacred. Really! Should we protect the health of the President of the United States more than we do of the homeless person being served a hot meal by the Salvation Army or Catholic Charities not far from the White House?  After all,  the decisions of the President affect more people than that of the homeless person.  What does it mean to minister to the “least of …?   Is it moral to kill to save others?  If some lives are more sacred than others than …
·      One must honor the cycle of life and death of all parts of the universe(s) which have exist since the beginning whatever that means.
·      Mother earth is sacred. It is our sacred responsibility to care for the earth as it cares for us.  What does this mean when caring for the earth puts others out of a job? What is my responsibility then?
·      Using another human being as a simple means to an end is always wrong.
Wait!  How can I honor others as equal if their core values differ?  Refusing to make decisions and take actions has potential consequences affecting millions of people.
 
It seems as if I must require of myself all that I would require of others.    It is all well and good for me to criticize the presidential candidates and join them in hurling insults at each other, but it is much more difficult to offer concrete plans which honor the concerns of all those who will affected by decisions of the President, the Congress and the Judiciary branches of the government.
 
If I were President could I serve one hour, one day, one week, or one month and remain in a positive, pro-active role?
 
As I prepare to not assume the role of President but the simple role of one voter I must challenge myself to make an educated guess based on my core values which are themselves an educated guess.  I must not expect to be comfortable with my decision.  I want to commit myself to vote with all the humility of the person who knows that whoever is elected does not have the option of turning off the iPad, going back to bed and pulling the covers over his or her head. That person and all the other elected officials will have the burden of facing the day and making decisions.  I have not earned the right to judge what I would be unwilling to do.
For me, just voting is a frightening and humbling experience.
 
Written October 20, 2016

​Parenting
 
Last night my son arrived for a visit.  It is difficult to accept that he will soon be 46 years old.   It seems just the other day his mother, my then wife, announced the pregnancy.  At the time I was a graduate student preparing for final exams, preparing for oral and written exams as a candidate to become a minister in the Presbyterian Church, and working.  Needless to say the thought of adding the responsibility and the expense of a child to my life was overwhelming. Yet, obviously, this child was not an immaculate conception. I did have a part of this conception!  He, as it turned out, was on his way to join - ready or not
 
My sense of not being prepared did not increase as time for his birth arrived.  Yet, time passes quickly as it always does when one does not feel prepared, and soon it was December 4, 1970 and he arrived: beautiful, tiny, seemingly fragile and hungry.   His mother and I somehow managed to hold our cracked marriage together while I finished school, got ordained and began to look for a full time job as a pastor.  He would be nearly a year old by the time I was “called” to be the pastor of a small, mission church in the village of Hoonah Alaska.   Looking back, I am amazed this his mother agreed to make this move.   We got rid of many of our possessions, packed up the rest and the three of us headed to Alaska to the tiny village far from the nearest doctor, with intermittent electrical service and no daily newspaper.  Yikes!  Yet, there was Minnie and David welcoming us to the village and assuring us that they would be our son’s on site grandparents. David was also clear about his sense of duty to teach this then 32-year-old male what it meant to be a man.
 
Many years have passed since that time. As with all parents I have a long list of times as a parent that I would like to revisit so I could be a more loving and perhaps a more effective parent.
I am quite convinced that if I had known that parenting would be the most difficult job I ever attempted I would have begged for more courses and even then reconsidered my qualifications.   Who in their right mind would sign up for a job for which one is so poorly prepared and for which there are many experts offering conflicting advice?  Yet, as have parents since, I am sure, the beginning of time, I and his mother muddled through.  For most of his life we have muddled through separated. We divorced when we were living in Alaska and he was still quite young.
 
Today I marvel that any of the three of us have survived and most of all I marvel that this delightful, bright, charming, independent middle age man is, in part, the product of our parenting.  Perhaps his mother and I have matured in not only years but in other ways as well. Perhaps now that he is middle age I finally have to accept that I have no control.  Of course, I knew for at least 44 of those 46 years that I had no control, but that knowledge never stopped me from the delusional state of pretending as if I did.  I hope that I have learned something about unconditional love and honoring the fact that the journey of those I love is their journey and not mine to direct or attempt to control.   Yet, a part of me is still convinced that somehow I can be a better father by insuring that I leave some money for him when I die or by being more present or …. Yet, I know I need only enjoy his company and to honor his choices.  Sounds simple and it is.  Yet, another part of me will continue to see him as that tiny, helpless, beautiful child we brought home from the hospital in Princeton.
 
I remind myself:  Blink and see the man who was always the seed which merely needed watered and fed.  The seed already contained the best of who he is.  Neither his mother nor I can take credit for the core of who he is.  He was born to be his own person and not something either of us molded or created.
 
Written October 19, 2016

Sunday musings – October 23, 2016
 
The highlight of the week was a visit from my son.   He is now back in Los Angeles where he has been living for several years.  While he was here we visited with several folks.  Since I have just returned to Wheeling to live, he enjoyed exploring the historic architecture, seeing some terrific artwork and enjoying dad’s cooking.  We did get to Pittsburgh briefly although a heavy rain limited wandering around as we had planned.  We also attended a performance of the Wheeling Symphony which, to my delight, performed a pops concert to a very appreciative audience which filled nearly all the seats.
 
Mostly we visited and enjoyed settling into my new home – often in separate corners.  I love the feeling of having someone in my home who is comfortable just reading separate books together.  I especially appreciate being able to do that with my son Jamie.
 
Of course, the week also included normal chorettes, time with clients, writing and, despite my resolve not to do so, reacting to the words and actions of political candidates and getting inpatient with some pending issues in my life such as the ongoing saga of the delay in closing on the sale of my Florida condo and other issues. 
 
I also visited with friends from Florida who had been in Morgantown visiting family and friends.  My dear friend Becky was in Pittsburgh conducting workshop.  She met Jamie and me in Washington, Pa. for lunch.
 
On this lazy Sunday morning which has not been interrupted by fresh news – positive or negative – other than just email and text notes from friends – it is easy to remember that not much is important in this brief life journey except how well I love.   I started to write “how well we love each other.” but that little file drawer in my life quickly ejected a reminder that I only have control over how well I love.  Life has certainly provided me many opportunities to learn and relearn and relearn this lesson.  I seem to quickly forget this lesson and then, if not careful, “find myself” ruminating about how someone else is responding or not responding to me.   Parenting has, of course, provided many opportunities for me to practice this spiritual lesson although as both my son and I age we seem to be very comfortable just accepting where we are in the moment.  That is not always the case with others, although I must admit that it is the case with most people I know and love.  Yet, when I am reminded that someone else with whom I thought I had a very solid friendship reminds me that I can do or say something which, for them, destroys the relationship, I find myself wanting to defend myself and to work on restoring their trusting love.  At those times I seem to quickly forget that I only have to do my best to be the most loving human I can be today.   As we all know, it is the humanness which can cause the bonds of friendship to be broken.   It seems, at least to me, that once a person loses trust, for whatever reason, there is no way to reclaim the friendship one thought was possible.  This seems to be true even when one does not understand why an action was so damaging of the trust.  Of course, we “know” that a behavior that might not push a fear button for me will be a significant button for someone else.  We are fully cognizant of the fact that we each bring a history of experience to every friendship and that each experience is connected by many sensations and associations.   The other person might or might not know what word, action, or feeling causes such a strong reaction to something we said or did. They might say and believe that such and such action of ours was, of course, the most obvious violation of trust one could have committed assuming that we can easily understand. Yet, hearing their words, does not always register for us the way it does for them. 
 
Sunday mornings for me are associated with the Christian religion and attending church where I often felt as if I needed to beg for love despite my obvious inability to be a person worthy of love.  Yet, at times, I knew that the teachings of Jesus, as I later learned about the teachings of others spiritual leaders, stressed unconditional love.  For goodness sake, Jesus even exhorted one to “love one’s enemy.”  How is this possible?  Surely Jesus knew that it is often insane to trust one’s enemy.  Duh! That is why they are an enemy. They are not trustworthy.  Perhaps I am not understanding or conveniently forgetting that the love that Jesus is talking about is unconditional and, thus, not dependent on such factors as trust.  What then does it involve?  I have previously discussed the various Greek words for love which are much more precise than the single word love in the English language. Yet, in English I am stuck with this rather vague word which, in this context, is imbued with the power to reach deep beyond actions, thoughts, costumes, roles and the sometimes complicated imperfection of one’s humanness into the very essence of one’s eternal light.  This is then what I am asked to do - to see beyond the obvious to the core of one’s being. Moreover, I am “asked” or “expected” to only focus on my willingness to love which does not need any positive or negative action on the part of others.  Oh me!  
 
On this Sunday morning my goal is just to notice that I am not as limited in love as I used to be and I am not even close to the perfection to which I strive.  I do not need to further add to the story by chastising myself or by applauding myself for my behavior this week. For today I need to be present to the possibility of loving unconditionally.  Just for today I will focus on my behavior and not on that of others.  Until, of course, I notice that, once again, I am focusing on the terrible behavior of the other!
 
Written October 23, 2016

​Trust?
 
The subject of trust is one which many of us face in our personal lives.   It is also a subject which appears frequently in the national and international news.   Here in the United States the subject of trust is a particularly focal and volatile one as we finally near the end of the 2016 presidential election campaign. Voting citizens are faced with the dilemma of who to trust, what institutions to trust, if any.  Daily we hear stones being thrown whose goal is to crack open the fragile facade of integrity which each candidate is attempting to sell.   We also hear words such as establishment linked with distrust. There are layers of accusations and predictions of the collapse of the United States if one elects the wrong person. 
 
Around the world it seems as if all manner of governments and institutions have failed to retain the trust of many. Corporations seem to be in the business of lining the pockets of a few while breaking basic promises to current employees and retirees.  Promises of pensions, health care and other benefits encased in legally solid documents are seemingly no more than the fairy tales one may have heard or read as a child.
 
Marriage vows which used to seem clear now seem to be open to interpretation and easily replaced with more sacred vows to respective attorneys.
 
What we thought we knew as truth in most areas of science is daily altered or refuted all together.  
 
Climate change threatens the demise of the planet as we know it.
 
Every day we spend billions of dollars on sophisticated weapons of destruction and corresponding systems which are intended to defend one against such systems, but which seem to only line the pockets of the manufacturer whose product does not even have to function for them to get a bonus.
 
Yet, as Rachel Botsman points out in her October 2016 Ted talk, “The new era of trust could bring with it a more transparent, inclusive and accountable society.”  
 (Google Ms. Botsman and one finds the following:  “Rachel loves to teach people how the principles of the collaborative economy are a transformative lens to think about value, scale and trust differently. She designed the world’s first M.B.A. course on the subject which she teaches at University of Oxford, Saïd Business School.”
 
In the area of mistrust, we are increasingly trustful of the Uber driver, the person whose bed is part of Airbnb, the person we meet on an internet dating site, or the speaker on programs such as Ted Talks.   We listen reverently to the spiritual leaders such as the Dalai Lama, Pope Francis (one does not need to be Roman Catholic), the poet, the artist, the musician or even, the reality show participants or the person who pays it forward for no other reason than to pay it forward.
 
As Ms. Botsman so accurately and articulately points out we humans did not begin with institutions.  We began by family and neighbors trusting each other to do one’s share in meeting the basic needs of the tribe or community.    In this sense we seem to be, albeit via modern technology which does not confine our tribe to a relatively small geographical area, returning to our roots of trusting on a very individual and not organizational level. 
 
I often, in my role as professional counselor, meet with couples or families to explore the reclaiming of trust which has been misplaced, lost or buried in pile of dung of angry words and years of allowing life tasks to take over.  We may feel we now know too much to return to that leap of faith which led us to adoringly feed each other. 
 
Yet, what have we learned is the antithesis of mistrust. We have learned that we are vulnerable, fearful humans who are desperate for some proof that we are enough – that we are worth picking up in a private car, making up the couch and saying welcome or a second look on a dating site.  We may, just not need the power, money, sex, alcohol, other drugs, or things to say “Here I am.  See ME.  Pick me up. Take me into your home.”  Now we are the stranger needing a ride, a bed, a meal or some other nurturing offering which is not dependent on one’s institutional associations which are, after all, build on sand.
 
We do seem to keep circling back to the basics and, yet, we will again feel the need to wander off only to, if we are lucky, return home.
 
Written  October 18, 2016

​School Bells – Current Affairs – Grade 1 – Week 10

This is the tenth week that I will be meeting with the first grade class which is the class of my adopted niece Sam. I learn a lot from these first graders.  I do not remember talking about these sorts of issues at school or at home when I was in the age of these students.  As I may have formerly mentioned I do recall that I was well aware of such issues as racism and bullying but I am not sure why or how I became aware of them.  Perhaps because I was always short, shy and not did not grow up with the other kids in my class I became an easy target to be bullied. So far I am not aware of any of the students in this class bullying each other but I am sure they have seen or experienced it.  Even though they are only in the first grade without using the word bully they have talked about the way the presidential candidates here in the United States are treating each other.   I am eager to hear their thoughts and perhaps feeling about bulling. There also had a week to discuss this issue with their families.

I hear them coming now.

Me:  Good morning class.

Class: Good morning Mr. Jim.

Sam:  Do we have cookies?

Me: No.  As I recall we had cookies last time.

There is a collective sigh.

Me:  Okay!  I will bring them next week.

Class:  Yea!

Me:   The assignment was to talk about bullying and making fun of each other. Why do children and adults do this to each other?

Sam:  Uncle Jim did you look up the word in the big dictionary?

Me:  Very good Sam.  You thought you would ask me before I could ask you!   Everyone here know that Sam’s is my niece and she and her brother live next door to me. Frequently I suggest we look up words in the big dictionary.  Of course, I also know that we can look them up on the internet.

Sam:  Well, did you Uncle Jim?

Me:  Actually I did and was very surprised by what I found.   I looked up the word bully in the Oxford dictionary.  I found that until several hundred years ago the Dutch word boele was a loving term often used between friends.  Then it was a term used mainly between male friends.  It seems as if it was very similar to the terms buddy, bro or bud. Later it came to mean a person who used some power to force someone to do something or to make fun of someone.   Who wants to draw on the board someone bullying someone?

Tara:  I will!

Steve:  Can I help?

Me: Thanks Tara and Steve.

Tara draws two stick character of someone hitting someone else. Steve draws a big pumpkin pushing another pumpkin down the hill.

Me: Wonderful.  Good job!

I clap and the students join in.  

Me:  Steve why is the big pumpkin pushing the little one down the hill?

Steve: Because he can. 

Tommy:  Because he wants to show how big and strong he is.

Me:  Tara, who is the one person beating up the other one?

Tara:  The big person feels bad because they are poor and is afraid the other kids will make fun of her. So she wants to make them afraid.

Sue:  The little kid called her names and she got really mad.

Me: Why did she get mad Sue?

Sue: Because she was afraid that all the kids felt the same and she knew not to show weakness.

Me: Are you saying that showing weakness is scary Sue.

Sue: Yes, I used to be afraid that people would think that I was weak because I am in a wheelchair.  I tried to make everyone think I was mean.

Ahmes: Is this the same for countries.  Lots of people in my country are mad because they have no power to protect their families.

Me: Very good Ahmes.   People in a country can bully each other or other countries. 

Sophia:  It is for the same reasons?

Me: What to do you think?

Sophia: I think people are afraid that the big people will use up all food and houses or kill them.

Sam: What is wrong with sharing?

Susie:   Yes, Mr. Jim, what is wrong with sharing?

Me: Are we talking about sharing food, clothing and houses or power?

Steve: Maybe all of these?

Me: Then why not share?

Tara:  In my drawing if the big person knew no one would make fun of her and would share with her she would also share, but she has to show she is tough and does not care.

Me: Wow. That is very smart of you Tara.   So you are saying that we all have to feel safe?

Tara:  Safe and maybe that someone cares.

Sam: If someone cares then you feel important.

Me: It sounds as if we should be helping each other feel good about ourselves rather than bullying or making fun of.

Steve: Then no one would need to bully would then Mr. Jim.

Me: Wow!  Did everyone hear what Steve just said?

Steve:  If everyone felt good about themselves and knew they could have a home and food and stuff then no one would need to bully.

Me: So even though the bully acts as if they are better or more powerful they just want to feel important.

Ahmes:  What about the terrorists Mr. Jim?

Me: What about them? Who are they trying to please or to impress?

Ahmes:  Allah

Me:  Yes.  They may believe that if they can make God or Allah happy then Allah will know that they are a good person.

Tara:  Should we be nice to the bully?

Me:  Yes but the bully may think we are saying it to try to gain power over them.

Tommy:  This gets very confusing.  Even if we are nice the bully may still be the bully.

Me: That is true Tommy.   I am not suggesting that we stand there and let the bully beat us up.  I am suggesting that we realize the bully is often even more frightened than we are. 

Tara: How should we respond to the bully?  I heard on the news that someone bit the nose off another man.

Me:  I heard that too. I sure do not want my nose bit off.

Class:  Yuk!   

Several of the children act as if they are spitting out something!

Me:  Okay. I agree. That is not nice at all.  We are running out of time.  How about for next week we talk with our families about how to respond to the bully.  Here are the slips with the assignment which you can give to your family member.

Steve and Susie would you pass them out please.

They pass them out.

Ring!  Ring! Ring!

Me:  Have a good week.  You did a great job.

Class: Bye Mr. Jim.

Written October 18, 2016