Sunday Musings - February 27, 2022
Time for penance
In the Christian Church March 2, 2022 begins the six week period preceding Easter which is generally referred to as Lent. The practice of lent was formalized by the Council of Nicaea in 325 CE.   Lent is intended to be a time of preparation of candidates for baptism and a time of penance for sinners for their restoration prior to the celebration of the resurrection. 
The United States is a nation which officially embraces those with various religious and philosophical traditions.  Some are Christians.  Some are Muslims, Jewish, Hindu, Pagan, and some are followers of various philosophers.  Some are, or course, still looking to people, places, things and positions for salvation.  Some are looking to power, sex, drugs, money, things, the “right” answers” or being right.   Of course, none of these things work long term.   For all these - one is not enough and a thousand is too many.   In the United States neither the Democrats, Republicans, or Independents have “the answers”; neither those on the so called left or right have “the answers”.  No religious groups have “the answers” or are the chosen ones.   The Planet earth is not the chosen planet which will sustain life no matter how we treat it.  No nation is more deserving of the resources needed for human and planet survival than another.
Regardless of our religious or philosophical background perhaps it would behoove us humans to prepare for new beginning; to prepare for spring; to prepare for honesty, open mindedness, and willingness to accept that we are one planet, a system which includes humans, other animals, insects,  plants, air  - an entire interdependent system.  Perhaps it is time to “repent” or give up the behavior which may have felt self- serving but, which, in the long run, does a disservice to all including the planet itself.   The 12-step recovery program steps 4 -9 -making a list of all one has harmed, sharing it with another and finally making amends when possible directly to those one has harmed -  could provide a good framework for our secular celebration of Lent.  Others may use meditation, a silent/listening retreat, or some other system for practicing honesty, open mindedness and willingness -renewing one’s commitment to practice preparation for renewal.
If one is a religious person, I cannot imagine a god who would be offended by what religious or philosophical language or system one uses to let go of all the ways we injure ourselves and each other.  For those who are Christian I cannot imagine a god who is offended if others borrow the concept of Lent to come home.
In some Christian churches, including the one in which I was raised, one of the prayers in the Anglian Book of Common prayer is:
 
            “Almighty and most merciful Father, we have erred and strayed and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep.   We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts.  We have offended against thy holy laws.  We have left undone those things we ought to have done and done those things we ought not to have done; and there is no health in us… Restore thou those who are penitent;…”
Whether our prayer is to a Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu or other concept of god, Mother Earth or the universe the goal is to accept that freedom comes out of interdependence and not vice versa; to accept that no one wins if all do not win; to allow for the possibility that Jesus, the Buddha and other wise teachers were right: It is always possible to prepare to welcome spring/Easter.  It is possible to prepare for a new beginning.
 
Written February 27, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
           
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Sexual addiction is real!!!
 
The fact that so many people are directly and indirectly injured and even killed by behavior which is cause by the disease of addiction is not only sad but challenges the attempt by many of us humans to hold on to the belief that we choose behavior; that bad people choose bad behavior and good people choose good behavior.
 
Despite greater overall acceptance of mental illness in theory and, to some extent in practice, as a society we continue to want to hold people accountable for their behavior.  Even in those cases when a person is incompetent to stand trial because of mental illness which may mean they were incompetent at the time the crime was committed, our system often demands they be treated and then tried. 
 
A large percentage of those we incarcerate in the United States had a mind which was controlled by addiction or some other mental illness at the time they committed the crime.  Yet, the primary “diagnosis” is criminal and off to jail they go.  While it may be true that we need to make it easier to force individuals into treatment when their mind is unable to make that decision, the focus needs to be on compassionate, medical treatment and not punishment.  Tragically we have designed a community which is dependent on addictive behavior to function.  Addictions to power, money, gambling, nicotine, caffeine, many drugs, sex, processed sugar, carbohydrates, use of violence and a host of other substances and behaviors are essential to our current economic and political system.
 
A 2016 study found between 16 and 31% of inmates had a mental illness excluding those whose primary diagnosis was addictive disorders. (treatmentadvocacycenter.org)
 
nida.nih.gov publications estimate that up to 65% of the prison population in the States have an active substance use disorder and another 20% were under the influence at the time they committed the crime for which they are incarcerate. Statistics on percentage of those with sexual offenses varies but it is also a significant number. Many of those who are labeled as a sexual offender have a primary diagnosis of sexual addiction.
 
Ever since the revelations of Bill Crosby’s alleged sexual offenses became public I have listened in vain for someone to suggest that his primary diagnosis is sexual addiction.  Even a recent NPR interview by Terry Gross, the primary host of Fresh Air, with W. Kama Bell “who directed the Showtime series We Need to Talk about Crosby which explores how Bill Crosby became “America’s Dad”and a hero in Black culture - and how that changed  when he was accuse and convicted  as a rapist.” failed to mention or suggest that we view Mr. Crosby as a sexual addict.   Mr. Bell acknowledge the strong moral actions of Mr. Crosby; actions such as standing up for and supporting others in and out of the film industry.  Here was a man who, despite the history of racism in the film and television industry became “America’s Dad”; the role model for many in his public and private life. This same very hard working, successful man sexually assaulted over 60 women, often by drugging them and then sexually assaulting/raping them.  How does one explain this behavior?  One could suggest that he was merely a power hungry, arrogant, evil man who was incapable of considering the needs of others. Yet, as is true for all of us he was not “merely” anything.
 
By all accounts, Mr. Crosby was a loving, good man who worked very hard for himself and others.  Yet, this same man risked his self respect, his reputation, and his material wealth by drugging and raping many women.  Obviously these were not impulsive actions.  He had to procure the drugs, set the scene and plan such behavior. On the other hand, he had to know his actions would eventually be uncovered.   Some might suggest that one can become so powerful and arrogant that one convinces oneself that one is “untouchable” by the law or the God of one’s understanding.  Perhaps this was true of Mr. Crosby. I think not.  My strong suspicion is that he was deeply shameful, repentant and lived in fear of getting caught while his addiction continued to take charge of his treatment of many women.
 
I have worked with/for sexual addicts for many years as a professional counselor.  I have yet to work for one who is proud of his or her behavior. I have certainly worked for some who have attempted to explain and even justify their behavior.  Yet, all lived in fear of losing everything for which they had worked.  All were deeply shameful.
 
We call such behavior addiction.  We know that addiction is driven by the brain and changes the chemical balance in the brain.  We know that the chemical balance changes the decision making ability and processes of the brain.  
 
We also know that:
 
o   No one chooses to be an addict.
o   Addicts will try to make sense of their behavior by blaming other people, places and and circumstances.
o   Addicts often do not have access to a connection between their core values and their addictive behavior.
o   Addicts are often bright, successful people whose brain seems to work fine or even above average in other areas of their life.
o   Addicts are often people who engage in very laudatory behavior.  They are much more than their addictive behavior. Their laudatory behavior is not just a coverup for their addictive behavior which acutely affects others.
 
Neuroscientists, psychologists and others who specialize in factors which affect the brain and which result in us humans engaging in such duplicitous behavior understand that labeling people as ‘just evil” or “criminal” does not begin to tell us who they are or why they behave as they do.’’
 
We need to provide all the healing help possible for the victims of sexual abuse.  Let’s not blame the victims for being abused.  Let’s do treat sick people as sick and with the understanding and loving care they deserve.  This must include sexual addicts.  Let’s quit sending people to prison because it temporarily deludes us into thinking we are taking an action which makes us all safer. Misdiagnosing and mistreating individuals does not, long term, create safely for anyone.

Written February 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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​Morality - Part IV’
 
 
Daily we are faced with the challenge of deciding what behavior will best approximate moral behavior.   In previous blogs I have shared various definitions of what might be considered moral behavior.   Saying that it is kind or good behavior obviously is not helpful.   What might seem kind for one person or part of Mother Nature may have a negative effect on some other person or part of Mother Nature.
 
Just this morning I read about or observed:
 
o   The conviction and sentencing of many individuals for behaviors such as “not protecting a child” from an abusive partner.    Is it moral to punish someone who is caught in an abusive relationship or to ignore the fact that we know that hurt people hurt each other?
 
o   The conviction of individuals for stealing or attempting to steal various goods. Is it moral to punish certain thieves or to narrowly define what constitutes theft?
 
o   The shooting of someone attempting to steal.  Is it moral to consider the life of another less important than property?
 
o   The enormous profit margin of such companies as Amazon while many employees struggle to survive on $16.00 an hour or less.  Is it moral to purchase goods from such a company just because it is often cheaper and easier to order from them?
 
o   A game between two teams of adult men which we know will likely cause or add to the possibility that some of the players will suffer traumatic brain injury which could also result in harm to other people. Is it moral to support such games? If we support such games are we complicit in any harm which comes to the players or those who are harmed because of the brain injury of the players?
 
o   The procurement and sales of drugs which will, at the very least, feed the addiction of others and most likely cause or contribute to the brain dysfunction which will lead to the harm of others.  Is the addiction or attachment to profit regardless of who it negatively affects moral for the drug dealer, the pharmaceutical company whose primary motive is profit, or the company which is selling unhealthy products? 
 
o   The arrest of and possible conviction of an adult who had sex with a teenager who willingly and enjoyably participated in a sexual relationship.   It is moral to convince a teenager that they are a victim of illegal and immoral behavior just because the behavior offends the arbitrary age limit a community has set? 
 
o   Sexual touching of a young child.  Is it immoral and illegal because it’s harming the child or because the community has decided that the child is not supposed to feel sexual pleasure from an adult until a certain age?  If the touching was part of the rituals of a culture, would it still be immoral?  What person or groups should decide if certain sexual behavior is immoral?
 
 
o   The use of individual plastic containers for sandwiches in a park cafe.  The park is designed and is a wonderful, healthy alternative for family members to sitting indoors and watching television.  Plastic containers and the use of plastic straws are likely not biodegradable.  The manufacture and use of such products contribute to a wide range of harm to the environment, fish and other animals.  Is it moral to patronize the restaurant; to allow one’s taxes to be used for the upkeep of the park; to patronize the cafe?  Can one morally patronize the cafe if one does not insist on no plastic containers or straws?  What about the plastic lid on the cup of coffee I ordered?
 
Obviously, if one is going to live in this community, one could easily be unable to function if one is going to be absolutely sure that one is always being a moral person; that one is not engaging in any behavior which is potentially harmful to another person, animal or any part of Mother Nature.   Yet, we must, if this planet is to survive or if we are to do all we can to prevent direct and indirect harm to each other, ask these very tough questions. Daily life is less complicated and stressful if we only have to be concerned with ourselves, our immediate life journey or can act as if our ethical or religious beliefs trump the thoughts and beliefs of others. Life is less stressful if we convince ourselves that the environmentalists are wrong; that individual parents always knows what is best; that legitimate profiteering which promotes a healthy economy is moral whereas individual stealing or forced sharing of resources is immoral; that some are more deserving of health care; that some can posit a concept a god who can dictate sexual behavior for procreation only; that punishment or mistreatment of others will lead to a more empathic society.
 
 
Philosophers, theologians, artists and other “misfits” are frequently the ones who challenged community leaders and the gods that they posit to question the morality of the rules and the laws.  Without these challenges communities are destined to continue to destroy each other physically, emotionally and spiritually.   Without such challenges communities are doomed to work against each other instead of with each other.  Without these challenges can we claim to approximate morality?
 
Written February 17, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
           

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Sunday Musings – February 13,2022
The courage to see and be seen.
 
 
It is tempting to identify myself and others with labels which are designed to hide or mask our shared humanness.  Labeling a person as homeless rather than being homeless is one way we can discount another.
 
Anytime I leave the perimeter of the condo community in which I currently make my home I am forced to encounter a significant number of people who appear to be homeless.   These are:
 
o   Individuals and families who are newly homeless; those who may be the working poor; whose income does not meet the demands of the current housing market.
 
o   Individuals and families whose home is their car.  Their income also does not meet the demands of the housing market.
 
o   Individuals and families whose background check reveals a felony or other designation which makes them ineligible for subsidized housing in the United States’ system.
 
o   Individuals and families whose primary diagnosis is mental illness including addiction and who are unable to keep a job or quality for disability or SSI.
 
o   Individuals and families who do not feel safe in enclosed housing.
 
o   Individuals and families who have been directly or indirectly forcibly removed or tricked into leaving their home country.
 
o   Individuals and who are fleeing physical, economic and emotional property or violence.
 
o   Those children who do not feel safe for whatever reason(s) living with their biological families.
 
o   Individuals and families who may qualified for assistance but who are too embarrassed or shameful to ask for assistance; those who have bought into the myth/lie that good people are able to provide for themselves.
 
o   Individuals and families who do not have a work visa or green card.
 
o   Individuals and families who are homeless for other reasons.
 
I am also aware that those who are homeless include:
 
o   Individuals and families who are chronically underpaid.
 
o   Individuals and families who do not have the language or other skills to be included in the current economy.
 
o   Individuals and families who may have no education or who have professional or graduate school education and even professional licenses.
 
o   Individuals and families representing all age groups, races, genders, and backgrounds.
 
o   Individuals and families who are my potential spiritual teachers.
 
o   Individuals and families who likely have more refined living skills than I have ever had or can hope to have.
 
o   Individuals and families who may be intellectually and emotionally much healthier than I am.
 
 
It is tempting to see the homeless or not “see” them.  If we merely see and label those individuals and families who are homeless” we are not seeing them.   If I do not see myself in them, I am not seeing them.
 
The Truth is changes in the economy could easily thrust me into their ranks. The fact that I am not homeless today has more to do with luck or chance than any difference in training, education, my worth or willingness to work.
 
It is also true that those who are homeless may not, at times, be visible to each other.   I may not be visible to them.   We can each, no matter what our current life dance, be invisible to each other.  If we do not have the courage to “see” each other, we remain a country of
“us and them”.  If I do not have the courage to see and be seem I remain part of the problem and not part of the solution.  If we do not see each other we will continue to destroy homeless camps rather than making them more livable or helping the individuals and families create a safer camp.
 
Today my spiritual intention is to claim the courage to see and to allow myself to be seen.
 
Written February 13, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Sunday Musings - February 6, 2022
What does it mean to be human?
 
Krista Tippett, host of the podcast On Being, frequently, towards the end of a conversation, asks her guest de jour to comment on or offer an opinion on what makes us uniquely human. This is not a new or orginal question.  Theologians, philosophers, scientists and others have offered opinions and observations on this question over the centuries.   
 
Us humans like to think that we are the superior species who have many abilities which other species do not possess.   It is true that there are no other animals, plants or minerals which have a written language which fills volumes of books with our observations, opinions and creativity.   It is also true that no other species has the complicated methods of destroying entire communities with one bomb.  No other species has walk in closets containing many costumes, most of which are not worn.  One cannot find another species which constructs mansions housing two or three people and which require cleaning and maintaining while many others have no safe home.  One would also be hard pressed to find another species which so consistently spends years conducting scientific research and ignoring the results.
 
Yet, us humans can literally move mountains, invent vaccines, create art and  musical instruments which mimics that mother nature has perfected.  We do sometimes laugh at ourselves, learn from our mistakes and “find new ways of taking care of each other.
 
While the scope of some of our achievements and the ability to toot our own horns may seem to be unrivaled in all of nature, we are finding the seemingly simplest parts of nature have elaborate communication systems and ways of healing each other.  It is true no other species creates cranes capable of lifting  a double bus out of a ravine or hauling material 2717 feet high although mother nature can easily swallow bridges and both destroy and create mountains.  No other species creates finely crafted porcelain glassware but only mother nature creates diamonds out of coal.   No other species invents cameras which can travel inside a tiny human internal highway.  Yet no other species creates and eats food which often creates the conditions requiring the use of such diagnostic cameras.
 
No other animal works as hard as we humans to create such a stressful life that we need to also create elaborate meditation systems to relearn to let go of the stress.
 
Perhaps what most distinguishes us as human is our shock at our humanness; the facts that we are surprised by death; constantly contradict ourselves; present illogical as logical and are mystified that someone would question our illogic; are surprised that treating each other cruelty does not bring out the best in us; that our elaborate excel and numbers spread sheets which attempt to assign point value to each of our human achievements and misdeeds ensure disharmony and eventful destruction of the planet;  that we lie to ourselves when we know concepts such a racism, sexism and homophobia are artificial constructs; that we use such terms as artificial constructs;  that we are willing to sexualize ourselves and our young children and then be outraged when someone sees us or them as sexual.
 
Perhaps what distinguishes us most of all is how serious we take our seriousness; how difficult it is to see ourselves in each other, to laugh and embrace each other; the fact that the command of Jesus and other teachers to become as little children eludes our genius minds.
 
Written February 6, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
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Morality Part III
 
 
“State Senator Rob Standridge, R-Norman, Oklahoma filed a bill that would require homeless camps to have proper permits like other campgrounds. The permits would include standards for disposing of sanitation and sewage.
Standridge said he wrote the bill after people brought up concerns about homeless camps in the area, calling it a public health and safety issue.”
"First and foremost, this is a public health and safety issue, but there could be economic implications for a community if their municipality fails to address these concerns," Standridge said in a statement. "I’m sure very few businesses would want to develop property that could be impacted by sewage and other waste and safety issues from one of these camps. My legislation is about ensuring accountability within those camps and by our municipalities to protect our citizens." (Koco news, Oklahoma City, January 20, 2022)
“In late 2021, Standridge introduced a controversial bill to ban all books covering the topics of racial inequality, gender studies, LGBTQ issues, women's rights, among other social issues in an attempt to halt social progress in tow with extreme conservative agendas throughout the United States. The introduced legislation proposes a $10,000.00 fine for each book found to violate the language of the bill, as well as banning Universities in Oklahoma from teaching certain topics relating to the subjects of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. “(Wikipedia)
Depending on one’s point of view one might think that Mr. Standridge is an uneducated man, a heartless racist or a courageous man standing up for conservative beliefs.   If one does some basic research on the internet and on his Facebook and LinkedIn pages, one finds that he is a husband, father, pharmacist, businessperson, former EMT, and an active member of the Crosspointe Assembly of God Christian church.  Furthermore, he  states that his interest include arts, culture, education, poverty alleviation  and science.   Among those he follows and apparently admires is Deepak Chopak.  Truly he is not a simple man who one can, in good conscience, dismiss as one of “the others”.     He and I have a lot in common.  We both returned to school in our adult years.   We both have a Christian background.   We both care passionately about many of the same issues including poverty, arts, culture and science.    
 
Yet both of his proposed legislative bills are ones I passionately oppose.  While we both agree that the homeless issue needs to be addressed, I would maintain that it is up to us, as a community to provide the resources to ensure that all people have access to safe, comfortable homes and the other necessities of life.  For those individuals who do not feel safe in enclosed housing I believe we should, as a community, provide alternate housing in a setting which is safe and has basic services.   I would also maintain we should teach our children that we are a very diverse community with a history that includes amazing, creative achievements and acutely cruel ways of creating an us -them, community disregarding the basic  teachings of Christ and other spiritual teachers as well as the basic laws of science which affirm our interdependence.
 
How is it Mr. Standridge and I could arrive at such opposing approaches to education and such social justice issues as homelessness and education? How is that either of us could avoid realizing that for the Grace of God or luck or chance, we could both be living in a homeless camp, be Native American, African American, gay, transgender, female, mentally ill, addicted or otherwise unable to function as professionals and businesspeople?  How is it possible if both of us would test out at least average on an IQ test our brains processes the same information in a way which arrives at opposing conclusions?
 
The more research psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and others who study the many factors which affect the brain and thus what conclusions a particular brain reaches the more we realize the many parts of the brain and the many factors which affect how those parts communicate or what how information come together to form a thought the more we have to accept that concepts such as “knowing”, right, wrong, logical and illogical exist only within a particular brain.  Liane Young, psychologist at Boston College, along with colleagues studies how the brain affects our perception of our intention and the intentions of others.  “The temporoprarietal junction (TPJ) incorporates information from the thalamus and libido system as well as from the visual, auditory and somatosensory system.  It then integrates information  from the external environment as well as from within the body and then processes it.  (Wikipedia and Hidden Brain episode entitled “Why did you do that?”)
 
In any human body a particular part of  body can be missing, altered or differently affected by various chemical and other factors.   We suspect , for example, with autism, the absence of the mirror image part of the brain may affect ability to be empathetic.   In other words, what we call perception and how we collect and integrate information to be processed in the brain is affected by a great many factors, some of which may be genetic and/or affected by early experiences and how we are able to take care of ourselves. 
 
Thus, for a variety of reasons, Mr.Standridge and I may arrive at different conclusions and beliefs about how to solve problems.  This does not dilute the fact that we have much more in common than we have differences and, yet, those differences, however slight, grossly affect how we perceive and address social justice issues.
 
The way forward is, I believe, to start with the similarities in our goals and beliefs.  If we start there we may be able to hear each other and begin a dialogue which will result in working together to address issues such as education and homelessness.   If, however, we assume that  there is an us and them and only the us has the right understandings and solutions we will negate each other efforts and accomplish nothing.
 
Perhaps the formula for morality begins with the science of the mind and an acceptance that humility, compassion and the ego strength to let go of the illusion that we “know” is the starting point for exploring how we can live together on this planet.
 
Written February 2, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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