​Time
 
Movement is measured in time, distance and speed.  As we move faster light is spread out and “time” slows down.  Momentum bends the fabric of spacetime causing time to pass slower.   In traveling at great speeds in a spaceship one ages at a slightly different rate.
 
Most days, as is true for many of us, I am checking off items on my work or personal to do list.  Often, if I do not have another commitment, I do not look at the clock and, when I do, I find hours have passed. 
 
In March of 2020 of this year many of us learned about covid-19 for the first time.  What we heard was that we might have to limit our movement and activity for a few weeks or months.   We may have thought or felt that was a very long time.  A seemingly few minutes later it is today, December 31. 
 
Depending on what one is doing and/or the perspective of age the movement from point A to point B may be experienced as a lifetime or a second.  Looking backwards– to March of this year for example – this  time was less  than it takes for a blink of an eye or a series of events which stretch from here to the moon.
 
If one bore witness to the death of a child or a close loved one from covid-19, addiction or some time stealing illness or accident the time since that death is forever and a second ago.
 
If one is waiting for politicians to find a cheat sheet for adult behavior experienced and measured time extents to infinity
 
All of these examples remind us that speed, perspective, expectations and attachment affect our perception and experience of time. Expectations play a powerful role in how we experience time.  For those individuals who practice meditation or some other exercise of being quiet time may not be experienced as fast or slow. It just is.  For those who have the intention of reclaiming the mindset of a healthy young child, the world will be experienced with movement, touch, taste, smell, color shape and size.  The child interacts with the world with only the vocabulary of delight, pain, or I suspect,  some variation of what we adults might terms interesting.
 
As we move through this day toward midnight and the collusion with 2021 I and you have the option of deciding how we will experience those spaces we measure in time.  This morning I listened for the second time to a Ted talk by a Dr. B. J. Miller, a palliative care physician who has lived since being a sophomore in college without his legs or one of his arms below the elbow.  He talks a lot about the art of dying which, since we are dying from the moment we are born, is the art of living with grace. As a young man in the hospital following an accident he had decisions to make about whether and how he was going to live.  He changed his major to pre-medicine and is a physician in a Zen palliative care facility.  Every day he  works for/with others in learning to live intentionally; to experience each day with joy, warmth, passion, sadness, and all the other human emotions.
 
I am not alone is daily writing down a very simple spiritual intention; of taking charge of how I will experience the time of that day.  I do not always achieve my intention.  In fact, I may get off track several times a day and decide to either invite myself back to my original intention or to articulate a new one.  As I accept the invitation to 2021 my intention is to show up with a dance which involves all my senses, and which is as free as I can be as an adult of labels of good/bad;right/wrong.  My intention is to experience time with as much delight and grace as this human can manage.
 
Written December 31, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Grandma Fannie reflects on 2020
 
As we near the end of 2020 and I am settling into the state where I spent many hours of my childhood with Grandma Fannie.  I found myself wondering what Grandma Fannie would have to say.  In the world of my mind, I clearly heard her saying:  “Pretty is as pretty does.”
That is all she had to say and, I suppose, that simple phrase sums up the core lesson of most wise teachers.  Another teacher might say:  “ I trust those who walk the talk.”
 
Grandma Fannie’s point was that she did not care what the minister, the politician, or her grandchildren said.  She cared a lot if you did what you said you were going to do. If one’s task was to hoe the garden, pick or dig the offspring of the garden, collect the eggs and feed the chickens, write letters, pray or read she expected one to do it.  Talking about it did not get the job done.
 
I think Grandma would love the internet, email and other ways to gather information and to communicate with each other.   On the other hand,  I do not she would be impressed with the chatter of many of us on social media or on the phone.   She might note that we  have a lot to say about injustice, equality, non-violence, becoming more spiritual and a host of other righteous topics.  She might also note that those who seem to verbally pontificate the most have little time or energy to practice what they preach.
 
Additionally, she might note that very few preachers who can go on and on about social justice  show up when it is time to do the work of social justice.  They may hold up the golden chalice, repeat the words of Jesus or some other wise teacher and then remove their golden robes and hurry home in their expensive chariot  with a stop on the way to make a bank deposit.
 
Grandma Fannie might note that those  who cite the second amendment of the Constitution of the United States are often the quickest to suggest that the person who had stumbled and fallen along the roadside crawl to their homeless camp until they learn to not be so lazy and  to quit littering the road to their business.
 
If Grandma Fannie was looking over my shoulder as I typed this she might also ask. “Excuse me child.  Have you removed the beam out of your own eye?”
 
Grandma Fannie was quick to acknowledge that we are on a journey and we not going to reach the destination of perfection in this life journey.  At the same time, she expected that one do all one can to be “Pretty is as pretty does.”
 
She might suggest that we end this with much praise for fact that most of us have taken care of each other during the epidemic.  At the same time, she would suggest that we move beyond tolerance to embracing each other; that we quit acting as if philanthropy often (not always) occurs on the backs of the 99%; that we quit acting as if keeping an existing job is more important than leaving a planet for our grandchildren; that we stop pretending that nice words and “good deeds” comfort the child or friend who is hurting.
 
Grandma Fannie is clearly saying:  “You did well in surviving 2020, but it is time to quit questioning or judging the worth of the stranger and  set another place at the table (socially distant of course).
 
Written December 29, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org
 

Compartmentalization
 
I am grateful for the fact that no matter what is going on I am normally able to compartmentalize. I can temporarily set aside my concerns in one area of my life and focus on a task in another area of my life.   I also, however, want to be aware of how my decisions on where to focus affect other areas of my life.  For example, some of we men, especially those in heterosexual relationships and some in same sex relationships , often expect our partners to take off work and care for the needs of the children while we do the important work  of earning a living.  This may be true even if our partner is making a larger income. 
 
I am also grateful for the fact that I can earn a living without having to directly compromise my commitment to honor the needs of other people and the environment.   Many people I know and care about are forced to choose between earning a living and honoring the needs of the environment and reducing the effects of climate change.    They may know that long term they are supporting or being supported by an industry which will make the world a less safe place for their children and grandchildren.  Some of those can see no other viable choice. If they return to school or other training  opportunities,  move across the country, work for less money, or work at a job they find disagreeable they and their families may struggle and even be profoundly unhappy. They do not feel they have the luxury of not compartmentalizing.
 
I am also grateful for the fact that my financial needs are relatively modest at this stage of my life and have been for all of my life. In many respects I am grateful that a significant part of my childhood was spent without indoor plumbing, electricity, central heat or other luxuries I can easily take for granted now.   The fact I live in a condo with indoor plumbing, electricity, central heat, a gas range, garbage collection and other services feels like luxury to me. The further fact that I live on a budget and chose a 1 bedroom instead of two- or three-bedroom condo is a choice I make based on other current and historic choices I make and have made.
Many factors allow me the luxury of these decisions including the fact that I am a white male who has always enjoyed certain privileges in this culture.  Luck, fate or the favor of the gods also affected the range of decisions I can easily make.
 
I have also had the luxury, for the most part, of avoiding investments in companies which are not consistent with my core values.  It is also true that the amount I have to invest is relatively small and, thus, the profit from any investment would be relatively small.  This means the greedy part of my brain which could easily be tempted to compartmentalize is not tempted.  I have often been fond of saying that I have always been grateful for making a relatively low income because it would be embarrassing to sell my soul (core values) for this amount of money. I would like to think that I would not sell my soul for a large amount of money, but no one has ever offered me a large amount.  Thus, I get no credit for  resisting temptation!
 
I do keep money in a two banks which were  owned by people in the community in which they are located and, historically, money was used locally..   It is true though that I have no control over how that money is used. The decision to have money in these banks require a certain amount of compartmentation although I  do not ignore or deny my lack of control over the use of that money.
 
There was also a time when I attempted to not shop with any organization which made or sold products which I found morally objectionable or which treated employees poorly.  This has become increasingly difficult given that one could spend a lot of time and energy tracking down the growers, producers, manufacture of raw materials, manufacture of products, shipping and transporting companies, retailer, etc.   I realize that I am unwilling to completely live off the grid foregoing commercial groceries, clothes, material, building materials,  and medical care which uses manufactured products, etc. 
 
I  can attempt to vote for people who seem to have a record of being intentional about the  long-term consequences of  decisions. I can avoid investing money in most stocks. I can attempt to avoid purchasing items at a place  I have good reason to believe mistreat employees or have some other practices which clearly violate my core values.    Even these intentions not always as simple as they sound.  I can avoid the use of plastic bags, straws and utensils which end up destroying fish and other marine life.  I can continue to be intentional about how all my decisions affect the health of the other people, all other creatures, the environment of this planet and the universe.
 
I can also strive to be grateful that my privilege allows me choices others do not have.  Perhaps if I am thinking of sin as behavior which is hurtful or prideful, I can aaccept that none of us are in a position to be judgmental of others.
 
 
Written December 28, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 

​ 
Sunday Musings – December 27, 2020
For what shall we pray?
 
For many, as I have often noted, Sunday is a day of worship.  For others sundown Friday or Saturday is the sabbath.  For some there are multiple prescribed times for prayers every day.
 
Several sources indicate that the word prayer is derived from the Latin “precari” which means “to beg”.   The Hebrew equivalent is “tefilah” along with its root “pelei” or its reflexive “Thitpallel” which means the act of self-analysis or self-evaluation. 
 
Sometimes the words prayers and worship are used interchangeably.  I have talked to spiritual men and women who suggest that worship and, thus, prayer is simply an act of gratitude
 
In Christian theology,  my understanding of the teachings of Jesus is that one never has to beg for anything from the God of one’s understanding. One merely has to accept God’s Grace or unconditional love and acceptance.  
 
In the 12-step program step one concerns acceptance of one’s powerlessness which, paradoxically, gives one power to surrender to the fact that “no matter what “ one cannot safely engage in addictive behavior.  The additive part of one’s thinking may try to convince one that just for today one can safely drink, use other addictive drugs, make one more sale or bank deposit, have one more sexual act to attempt to fill the void, or do whatever it takes to seal one’s power position. Yet once one feeds the addictive part of the brain it is off and running.
 
To beg for grace/acceptance or forgiveness implies that we have not yet accepted that we are worthy of love; of accepting what is given to allow us to grow spiritually.
 
Acceptance or trust that we are loved unconditionally; that we will get what we need  to accept or fulfil out part or place in restoring balance to the universe requires what Soren Kierkegaard termed the leap of faith.
 
Acceptance requires that we allow ourselves to be quiet; we quit feeding the lies that we are not enough; the lie we need to be better looking, the lies we need to be more talented, richer, thinner, more powerful, a more talented lover, a different sexual orientation, have the biggest house, the most prestigious career, or  only acceptable sins/shortcomings.
 
The late Louise Hay often reminded her “students” that
“We are perfect In our imperfection.”  
 
Yes we are human. Yes, we want to stive to be our best. Yes, we often fail.  In accepting our humanness, we can focus on being grateful for who we are today.    I recall a hymn which was often sung  in the Southern Baptist church in which I grew up.  Ironically even though the church members sang this song  while often holding tight to racism, sexism and homophobia,  the song proclaimed an essential truth:  “Just as I am, without one plea. But that Thy blood was shed for me. And that Thou bid’s me come to Thee, O Lamb of God, I come I come….. ( music William Batchelder Bradbur).
 
Whether the god of one’s understanding which holds the whole of all is contained in a Christian framework or another  framework gratitude for just as we are is always the starting point for the next step in our spiritual journey.
 
Just for today on this last Sunday in 2020 it is safe to be grateful for our stumbling walk through 2020; it is safe to be grateful for our joy, our tears, our regrets, our achievements- Just as we are..
 
Written December 27, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​All god’s children
 
All God’s children is the title of a song recorded by Belinda Carlisle. It was written by Paul Barry, Billy Lawrie and Mark Taylor.
 
The Dash Poem (By Linda Ellis) reminds all of us that we all are born, and we all die. The dash is the space  between those two dates.  The poem reminds one that how we live that dash is all that really counts.
 
I was thinking of the dash and the fact that we are all God’s children in the gym this morning as I listened to the conversation between Ezra Kline and the poet Tracy K. Smith.  She says that “Poetry is about expressing ‘the feelings that defy language.”  I was hoping that a poem might visit which could approximate my thoughts and feelings this Christmas morning.
 
Christians have chosen this date to celebrate the birth of their teacher and, for some, the Christ.  They often focus on the fact that this unmarried couple, his parents, were forced to welcome Jesus in a manger; that he began his life as a homeless person and later ministered to those who are often thought “to be the least of them.”.   
 
We are all “the least of them”.  This is why Jesus talks about the fact that is very difficult for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. He know, of course, that those of us who are privileged to have all we need and often more than we need can easily think we have this abundance because we worked for it and others didn’t; that we are deserving, and others are not; that others choose addiction, mental illness or hopelessness.  The truth is that this human is privileged partly because I am a white male, I was not born with a mental illness and I had the ability to learn the skills which the community wanted/needed.   I do not have an addiction or any other condition which keeps me from working.  Being able, even during the pandemic, to be employed and, to afford housing, food, utilities, and even luxuries is luck - grace.  It is unearned and undeserved. I am not more deserving than the person without these privileges and grace.
 
We all began as babies - in a manger or a mansion.  Every homeless person: every person kidnapped by addiction; every person born into poverty without boots much less bootstraps, is one of god’s children.   We are all the least of them equally deserving of unconditional love.  
 
My intention today is to see that child when looking in the mirror; looking at and “seeing” the homeless person and “seeing” those in the one percent – those who hold 1% of the monetary wealth but are just in need of being  held in the cradle of loving kindness as is each newborn.
 
Written December 25, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 



 

​ 
The Elf report
 
In the United States it is nearly time for the Elf or the Mensch report.  The elf did not mature enough to take up his or her post in the United States until Carol Aebersold and her daughter Chanda Bell teamed up with illustrator Coë Steinwart and published the book The Elf on the Shelf:  A Christmas Tradition in 2005.   In 20011 a Jewish counterpart was designed by Benjamin
Goober Elkins “Mensch on a Bench” which is a stuffed toy created to look like a rabi or Hasidic Jew.  The Mensch became a team mascot for Team Israel in 2017.
 
The Mensch is not as well known or perhaps not as attention seeking as the elf, but both represent integrity or what is best within us.  The elf has been officially charged with the responsibility for tracking the behavior of the children in the family and, thus, determining who is worthy of pre-diamond coal or diamonds.   All children know, however, that the real duty of the Elf or the Mensch is to track the behavior of the parents. The parents have in past years wisely insisted on leaving the elfs home under the guise of checking the rooms of the children to determine if indeed they might uncover less obvious misbehavior.
 
The actual truth was and is, of course, that the adults were determined to sabotage the  intended mission of the elfs and the Mensch – to monitor the behavior of parents. Yet, the behavior of us adults was all too obvious.   Whether in august offices of the congress, the prestigious law firms, the executives of various media organizations, the sales departments of the pharmaceutical companies, the so-called halls of justice or the halls of the labor unions it seems as if we adults have forgotten when we knew perfectly well as children – how to play nice. Playing nice did not mean we were always nice but, for the  most part, we knew that we needed each other and even after a very hurtful argument would directly or indirectly apologize and resume playing nice.  With play we might become a scientist who finds a way to avoid getting cancer, a homemaker raising children, a  beloved teacher who actually encouraged drawing outside the lines, or a doctor who knew his or her most important tool was the part of the brain which “heard” and “saw”.   It seems we adults need the elf who is at heart very much a child to report on our actual behavior.   For 2020, in the world of art (music, painting, dance, sculptures, writing such as fiction and poetry) we get an A+.  The scientists developing a test of covid-19, those finding and creating a vaccine, non-profits serving those who need a helping hand, and small business which did all they could to keep individuals employed, postal workers and other delivery people all get an A+.
 
Many of us fell into the trap of focusing on negatives or were kidnapped by addiction to money, sex, drugs (including alcohol), power and things.  We became part of the problem instead of part of the solution.
 
All in all, the elf and the Mensch both report that 2020 has revealed us to have revealed our worst and our best.   Most of us do not need the billions of pages of the elf or Mensch report to know what is our best and what is our worst behavior of 2020. We know that which separated us, rank ordered us or treated some as less than is our worst.  That which brough us together, lifted each other up, and treated all as equal is our best.
 
Written December 24, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 

​Both and
 
Many experiences life as good or bad.  Many approach the dance of life as either emotionally connected or emotionally disconnected.
 
Long ago one of my spiritual teachers suggested that I drop the dualities.  What she meant was that I quit giving power to the event or person by labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, pretty or ugly, important or not important, loving or not loving.   She gave the example of someone saying what a good spiritual teacher she is and getting all puffed up with pride and then someone else saying she as the worst spiritual teacher they had experienced and becoming deflated and depressed.   
 
Early this morning I was listening to the host of Fresh Air, Terry Gross, interview Michael J. Fox about his recent book No Time Like the Future in which he talks about his journey with Parkinson’s, a tumor which wrapped around his spinal cord, and a fall which resulted in acute physical injuries.  He does not minimize the struggle of living with a progressive, rehabilitating medical illness and other conditions , but he also does not give them the power to  define or control his life.
 
Later a friend was mentioning to me that he is tired of his nicotine addiction.  I suggested he just notice it without labeling it as good or bad, right or wrong and then make a decision regarding his relationship with his addiction.    He is more likely to be able to achieve his goal of quitting if he is not labeling the habit as good or bad.
 
We are fond of labeling relationships, events or people as good, bad, right, wrong, righteous, evil with some other label.  As soon as we label someone we begin to treat them as that label.  We do this when we label  someone with a mental illness such as an addition as a criminal.   Not only are we misdiagnosing the condition we are placing them in a box which will determine how they are treated.  If we treat someone as a criminal – as a bad person – thereby withholding love and respect the chances are good that this ill person will begin to think of themselves as without worth or hope and began or continue to act accordingly.    I was listening  to a Ted Talk  by a scientist who was suggesting that in early stages of our evolution a person was punished with a goal of teaching them that their behavior was injurious to the entire community and, thus, could not, be tolerated.  Once the person was finished with the lesson or the punishment they were welcomed back to the full benefits of the community. 
 
I recall living in a Native American village when a person who had killed one of her children  in an alcoholic rage was welcomed home from the white person’s jail  by the Native American community.   The Caucasian people living in the village were unable to welcome this person home .   To the  Caucasians she was a criminal.  To the Native American she was a sacred person with the disease of addiction who was unable to control her behavior when she was drunk.
 
First responders and others who daily confront life and death situations must learn to temporarily set aside their emotions while they are responding to an emergency.  Later they will need to debrief and honor their emotions.   Some mistakenly see them as numbing their emotions and thus, not identifying with their shared humanness.    If, in fact, one numbs or turns off one’s emotions one is likely to judge or criticize the person who needs help.  This will change the nature of one’s treatment of that person in the future. It also  may increases the chances of the first responder making an unhealthy decision in the future.   Effective first responders deeply care and are able to put the needs of others first when they need to respond.
 
We are all good and bad; right and wrong; smart and dumb; kind and unkind, strong and weak, anxious and calm.  We are all more than any labels we might adopt or be assigned.
 
It is, of course, tempting to succumb to thinking of ourselves and others as a label.  Labels tell us how to think of and treat that person.  Yet doing so will not only ensure that we never become acquainted with what we have in common it will set  up an adversarial relationship which will lead to behavior which is injurious to the entire community.
 
Written December 22, 2020
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 

​Sunday Musings – December 20, 2020
 
In some places in the world, including in the United States, some essential workers are receiving a vaccine which will either prevent them from contracting covid-19 or as I understand it, If already infected, lessen the severity of their symptoms.  Many will be waiting months to get the vaccine.   Some will elect not to get it.   So far the vaccines have only been tested on and approved for adults.  Several sources have reported Dr. Anthony Facci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases predicting that if 75 to 80% of the population (In United States), get vaccinated by the end of the second quarter (June 30) of 2021 then by the end of 2021 we can return to some degree of normalcy.  Of course, this means those who are still living and those business's which have survived can return to some degree of normalcy. I have not seen any prediction of how long it would take for the average family, business and community to return to a pre-covid-19 level of stability.
 
It is fitting that on 20th of December we renew our vows to mother earth, to the gifts and lessons of the past and to the opportunities which will become our future.    
 
Yesterday would have been the 55th anniversary of my marriage to Beverly in the National Presbyterian Church in D.C . On that date the church was still located in the historic stone building near Dupont Circle in Washington, D. C.   Many Poinsettia plants and ever green trees decorated the sanctuary as her mother, step farther and stepbrother, along with my cousin Roger and his wife Jerri joined our church family to bear witness to our marriage vows, to host a reception and send us off with sincere wishes for a long and happy union.     Nearly 5 years late on the 4th of December our son Jamie was born in Princeton, New Jersey where I was attending seminary.  Later while serving a church as pastor in Hoonah, Alaska Beverly and I kept our vows  by agreeing to separate and divorce.  
 
Sometimes parting is the most honorable and kindest way to keep one’s vows.  When we discover that the dreams we dreamed in the past no longer are realistic or achievable one needs to invite new dreams.   One, of course, hopes to learn from the past, but one also hopes not to idealize or worship the past or the future.  I now know that I began that marriage with no appreciation or acceptance of how little I knew or accepted of myself and that I had even less knowledge of who she was; whether I was equipped emotionally and spiritually to honor the vow to truly care for each other in sickness and in health.
 
Most of us began 2020 with dreams and vows.  We had a rough plan of how we would care for ourselves and each other; where and how we would gather to work, play and nurture each other; and what we would accomplish professionally, emotionally, financially and spiritually.  Covid-19 and other life events forced us to redesign of let go of many of those plans.
 
It is now time for dreams and plans for 2021.  Many of us, who still have homes, will begin the year with cleaned out attics, closets and basements.  We will begin the year with some level of acceptance of  living with Covid-19 for all or most of the year.  We may renew our vows to our families, our community, our country and our planet.   For many of us this may mean facing the challenges of letting go of our marriage to our partner, honoring the decision of our children to find their way without our advice or presence, opening to a new career or a new stage in life, reevaluating our relationship with our communities and planet earth.   With any luck we have fewer illusions than we did at this time last year.  Perhaps we even  have a bit more courage to face ourselves, each other and 2021 as they are and not as we hope they will be.  Perhaps we are ready to embrace 2021 on its terms,  sure in the knowledge that nothing need prevent us from growing emotionally and spiritually; from being our most creative and loving selves.
 
Written December 20, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​A season of hope
For many in the world of humans, this is a season of hope; of looking forward to the reward of eternal life; to the return of the Temple; of having the satisfaction of a life well lived,  It is also a time in human history when more people than ever are coming to terms with the absurdity of this life journey; of the realization that no matter what we do or do not do as humans, a pandemic will take charge, a flood, tornado, hurricane, earthquake, a volcanic eruption or the self-centered injustice of which us humans are capable will prevent one from providing basic needs for oneself or one’s family. 
During the pandemic many individual and families cleaned out closets, basements, attics, cabinets,  and bookcases, hauled the stuff to thrift stores which other or even the same individuals filled up carts with new treasures.  The miracles of on-line shopping in the United States is stressing the delivery systems to the breaking point.  More stuff will fill homes only to be discarded at a later date.
Many are homeless or about to be homeless.  Addiction continues to claim the lives of many – often young people who should be looking forward to professions, homes, and children.   Many others are more directly deciding that life is not worth living and committing suicide.  There seem to be fewer and fewer individuals who are fearful of the punishment of an angry god.  Many are without a faith. Many bear witnesses to a faith which seeks to exclude one’s neighbor on the basis of the constructs of race, religion, sexual orientation, belief in abortion, or the refusal to believe that the one true god has chosen a people or a nation to be more deserving than others who did not construct the idols.  This life journey is indeed absurd.
Perhaps  a chemical imbalance, the lack of the right degree or professional license, or the absence of the modern symbols of success – the right address, clothes, car, latest smart phone, the costume which says one belongs, or the corner office – determines whether one has a reason for living; whether one has found meaning in this unpredictable, unstable, powerless existence.
In the mist of this courageous arrival to the edge of the cliff comes individuals such as the philosopher, poet, historian, Dr, Jennifer Michael Hecht.   In a conversation with Krista Tippett the host of the podcast On Being, she declares “We are indebted to one another and the debt is a kind of faith – a beautiful, difficult strange faith. We believe each other into being.”   This woman who knows the power of depression – the abject emptiness  and aloneness of life – the absence of a god to blame or to beg for a sign of meaning  - calls upon the thinking of Camus  is his book-length essay, The Myth of Sisyphus in which he prescribes a way of living while acknowledging the absence of meaning.  Dr. Hecht quotes the Rabbi and philosopher Maimonides who stated, “He who destroys himself destroys the world.”
Perhaps the gift of the pandemic, if we have the courage to listen and accept, is the profound reminder that we need each other; that we are all part of a whole; that what gives meaning is how we take care of each other; that education is only useful if our goal is to find ways to return to the synchronicity of all that is; that it is not about degrees, report cards, the corner office, or the success of Amazon Prime in filling the space beneath holiday trees.  It is not about the  neighborhood, but as Tiny Tim reminds us about home.  We need and are a part of each other.  As trite as it sounds together we are more. We are whole.  There is no meaning in this absurd life journey. There is only this absence of Meaning - of being for and with each other.
We do not go out to dinner to support the restaurant owner or to eat a meal we might not prepare at home although that is fun. We go out to eat because we need to be around other people; we need to relax enough to be present with each other.  We do not go to a movie because of the big screen although that  may help us to escape for a moment.  We go to a movie because we need to share with others.  We do not go to church because we posit a god who is going to be unhappy if we do show up at his/her house for the Sabbath dinner. We show up because the spirit of the god of our understanding is present when we gather.
Separately we are merely a bit of dust which temporarily takes the shape of humans. Together we are as Beth Midler sings in the song written by Jeff Silbar and larry Henley, “.the wind beneath my (each other’s) wings.”  Perhaps we are all the wind beneath each other’s wings.  Perhaps that is the very simple reminder of living with covid-19.  We need each other. We are each other.
Written December 19, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​Realities
 
Most of we humans experience a range of emotions.  In fact. one may experience  many different emotions in a brief space of time.  There are those who are unable to experience emotions.  There are also those whose emotions seem so powerful much of the time that they are unable to  function.   Scientists can now identify some of the factors which affect the strength, frequency and relationship with one’s emotions.  Most of us who are parents or who work with children are acutely aware  tiredness, nutritional intake or lack, trauma and other factors affect their emotional reaction.    We know that an excess of processed sugar is likely to result in hyper, cranky children.   We also know that if  we, as children or adults, are exceptionally tired, hungry or stressed for other reasons we might shut down emotionally or become easily frustrated and angry.  Ancestral stress, stress in vitro or subsequent trauma affect what is happening in sections of the brain such as the frontal lobe, the amygdala, or the hippocampus.   The thyroid also affects mood/how we experience the world.  A unitary track infection can result in mental confusion and be mistakenly misdiagnosed.
 
Feelings or emotions may often make it seem as if one cannot face life on life’s terms.  This may be related to our expectations of what would or should happen.  We do not expect the death of  a child, the early death of a partner/spouse who had no apparent risk factors other than life itself; not being able to be with a loved one as they transitioned; suddenly finding that one’s life script had changed and instead of being the primary care taker of and homemaker for one’s family one has to move into a tiny apartment and work at a minimum wage job; another black male is shot and killed by a police officer; one is overcome with the exhaustion of waiting for justice.
 
Feelings can also be positive.  Suddenly we are in limerick mode,  having just found out our book is accepted by a publisher, our child has met the perfect mate, our first grandchild enters our arms and our world, or we got a commission for our art project.  We may  find ourselves perfectly in synch with the new life of spring and even at 80 begin skipping down the street shouting good morning to all the neighbors.
 
We know that this life journey is very fragile and brief.   We all have a limited life span.  It is not surprising we die.  We know that before we met the perfect life partner we had a life.  We know that if we are open to new possibilities there are many new people and experiences just waiting to be discovered.   We know when we prepare for that huge family holiday dinner that weather or any number of factors can force cancelation.  We know that we cannot keep our children in a protected bubble.  They are going to experience hurt and disappointment.  We know we are human and sometimes, in retrospect, do really unkind, stupid and dumb things.  We know it is only “till death do us part” or until one of us falls out of love, is kidnapped by addiction or stolen by dementia.  We know that our fight for justice is never ending.  We know that injustice often arises out of pain or fear.   We know all this and yet can easily become emotionally paralyzed.  It may feel as if we cannot go on living; that there is no reason to keep living; that we cannot allow ourselves to open to new positive possibilities.   It may seem as if our feelings are revealing the only possible reality.  Yet, the truth is that there are always multiples realities.  It is true that the pain of the loss of a child or a long-term partner is always going to leave an empty, painful place in our heart.  It is true that family gatherings will never be the same.  It is true that we must take time to grieve and, yet it is also true that it is possible to experience the light of new experiences; to allow others to love and to return that love.  
 
There are always multiples realities.  One reality does not diminish or cross out another. Some of my most poignant and positive experiences have been at wakes where people are given permission to laugh, weep,  get angry - to express a wide range of emotions all within the same place and within the space of a few hours.   There is a recognition that all emotions seem to reside in the same place.  When grief has to seep out, laughter has to seep out.  When anger is covered with politeness we do not experience the joy of friendship.  When we attempt to mask or deny our intense emotions we create distance which leads to disconnection which leads to a void which leads to grief which ,,,,
 
Written December 17, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org