Sunday Musings -  November 27, 2022
Just for today


If anyone has attended any 12 meetings one is familiar with the reminder “Just for Today”.  For the addict who has been held captive by the obsessive demand of the brain to addictively use alcohol, other mind-numbing drugs, money, gambling, power, sex, shopping or food one cannot imagine ever being able to ignore the demon in the brain for any length of time. The supportive members of 12 step programs will remind the addict that all they have to do is to stay free of active addiction “just for today”.  In reality “just for today” may be “just for the next five minutes.


Anyone who has conquered difficult physical tasks such as riding a bike up a steep hill, running a marathon or any activity which seems to challenge one’s limits of endurance knows that one takes the same approach by setting very tiny goals.  That goal may be the next tree or other marker, the next age in a tedious report which is due tomorrow, or the next minute in waiting results of the surgery of a loved one. If one attempts to look past those markers, one may get overwhelmed.


This past week there were more mass shootings in the United States.  For the loved ones of those killed it is impossible to imagine living the next day, week or year without the loved one. Grief threatens to immobilize one and yet, most, will make funeral arrangements, notify family members, and handle the thousand and one details to which one must attend. One has little time for questioning whether one can get though each task because one tells oneself “They have to be done”.  Yet, eventually, one’s motor turns to idle and one is faced with acceptance of the loss one minute at a time.


In some ways being forced to face such challenges is an opportunity to be fully present.   Rather than having the grief seep out for the next decade or longer one is forced to face the full weight of it head on.  Allowing oneself to experience the grief in this manner will, in the long run, feel better that attempting to avoid it. 


The severely differently abled mother of a friend of mine recently died.  There were days when it felt to my friend as if he did not have the energy to take care of her.  There were days when he felt resentful of the responsibility which, except for short breaks, kept him tethered to her bedside or at least to the need to be constantly on call.  Yet when she died, he felt sad and guilty for not always being lovingly/eager to take care of her.   He now feels love unencumbered by responsibly or duty.   He is now faced with the challenge of moving forward with his life.  It was easy to say what he wanted to do when he was unable to act on those desires.  Now he feels fearful of not being able to achieve his stated goals.  Many people get stuck/immobilized.  They may spend the rest of their life convinced they are unable to move forward.  Yet, we know that any of us can take the next “step”.  The next step for the now deceased mother of my friend was actually a crawl on the floor one inch or foot at a time.  She did not focus on the final destination.  Just the next crawling inch. 


Just for today one can take a step. It one talked to anyone who has successfully reached a goal, he or she will say they did so one day, or one task at a time.  No matter how relaxed the person may now seem he or she will tell you that they just kept putting one foot in front of the other.   They may share that some challenges were easier to accomplish than others, but each challenge consisted of a series of small steps  - a series of one step or one day at a time.


Written November 27, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Sunday Musings - November 20, 2022
The story we tell ourselves


The question of what makes us uniquely human has occupied the minds of theologians, philosophers, psychologists, and other thinkers since at least when human language allowed us to communicate with ourselves, each other, and other parts of the universe.  The more we learn about the way our brain’s function and the factors which affect how we form thoughts, retrieve memories, create memories and recreate memories and, thus stories, the more confused we become.  We know that nutrition, chemicals, stress, genetics and other factors affect how and what reality of self we perceive.  We also know certain drugs such as psychedelics can drastically alter our ability to experience a new reality including a new version of self.  Other drugs and certain mental illnesses can adversely affect the self one experiences. 


One evening this week I attended a symphonic performance. I watched and listened as two young performers shared their respective skills -Eunice Kim on violin and Xavier Foley on the double bass and a composer of a piece performed by the orchestra.  Eunice and Xavier played so skillfully that, at times, it seemed as if the instruments were an essential part of their core. 
At some point both these artists, as well as the others in the orchestra and the conductor, had all accepted that part of their story was being able to communicate via music. The composers, including Xavier, had formulated a story which allowed them to create an orchestra in their brain and then put that story down on paper (or computer) in the forms of notes and musical instructions.   The music became part of their story and yet is not who they are. 


At any one moment in time all of us tell ourselves a story about ourselves.  We may or may not label it as a story.  We may or may not be able or want to be the observer of the story while also living out the story.   Many of us have had the experience of observing ourselves articulate and then perform our story.  We may have been able to just observe, without judgment. or we may have added evaluative or judgmental labels.   We may have taken an incident which we regretted and convinced ourselves that our essential self was defined by that story.  At times many of us have  so deeply regretted a behavior that we have been unable to conceive of a self-outside of that behavior.  Certainly, as a society,  we often label others by a thin slice of their story.  They are a criminal, a mentally ill person, a killer, an addict, a sinner, a politician, or a person of a certain age, race, nationality, a religion or a gender.   One often hears about “The Russians” or “The Americans” or “The Palestinians” or “The Jews”.   Especially in recent years, but also in other times,  we hear about “the immigrants”, “The Terrorists”, “The Democrats”, “The Republicans ” or “The MAGAs” as if these labels are who certain people are.  The world may appear very neat and orderly if we can say everything which is worth saying about an individual by use of a one or two-word label.  We may do the same to ourselves.  We may than add yeast to that story when we fail to step back to observe or analyze the fallacy and resulting damage.


Sadly, religious leaders are vulnerable to falling into these same traps.  Labels such as “sinner, saved, infidel, believer, Christian, Muslim, Christian Nationalist, Jew, evil, Satan  and a host of others purport to tell the story of a certain person or group.  Despite the teachings of Jesus, The Buddha’s, Mohammed and a host of others who attempted to teach the limits of such labels they continue to be used as if the “self” of that person or persons is contained within that label. This process then allows one to guilt free pass judgement on others and even send them to prison for life or kill them.  When a nation goes to war, the leaders very deliberately coin labels to create “the enemy” - jap, terrorize, communist, Kurd, kook, etc.


This past week, Sean Illing, host of the podcast “The Gray Area” hosted a conversation with Gregory Burns -author, psychiatrist, neurosurgeon, professor, friend, partner perhaps father perhaps lover, human, and seemingly male. The podcast entitled “Your Identify is a story you tell yourself.” It is, I believe, well worth a listen.  Dr. Burns’ most recent book The Self Delusion: The New Neuroscience of How We Invent - and Reinvent - Our Identities is also worth a read for those who want to take advantage of his extensive knowledge and musings on this subject.


Much of my professional work is inviting those with/for whom I work to consider the possibility of telling themselves a fuller, richer, more balanced story of self.  Many of us have had the experience of telling ourselves, “I am weak.  I am my anxiety.  Depression can dictate my story. I am that person my abuser said I was. My story is limited by my most hurtful behavior.  I am strong at work but weak at home.  I do not know how to budget and will forever be destined to pay huge amounts of interest on credit cards so executives of those companies can go on luxurious vacations. I am just a sinner. I need to be better than X”   One could compile a long list of such limiting stories. 


Perhaps as we wind down the year 2022 it is a good time to ask ourselves what stories we now want as individuals, as a community and as a country to tell ourselves and make manifest reality.  Perhaps it is a good time to consider the price we pay for the short-term satisfaction or convenience of limiting those stories.

Written November 20, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Sunday Musings – November 13, 2022
Religion and the body politic


I cannot recall hearing the term Christian Nationalist until the past few years although I have always questioned why so many churches have a United States flag in the sanctuary.  The Christian church does not, after all, owe allegiance to any country, culture or group of people. The United States does not have a state church and, in fact, is, by design, protected in the constitution from a state religion.


I also never understood the role of those who pray for our military to win in battle or the frequent assertion that the United States is consistently the nation which the Christian God would favor.  Many United States citizens seem to believe that the United States and its citizens are God’s chosen people.  Many of these same people seem to believe that the Christian God who made his presence known in the form of Jesus of Nazareth demands absolute obedience and acknowledgement that he is the one true god; a god whose ego is so tiny that he requires confirmation of his sole divinity before one can be assured of an invitation to eternal life or even an invitation to dinner.  In some churches only those who are professed members and adherents to the doctrine of that branch of Christianity are invited to partake of communion - the lord’s supper.


Although I find no record of Jesus living in a palatial mansion with servants enough to host dinner for the multitudes, there is evidence of his doing all he could to make sure a crowd of people gathered outside were fed without regard to their beliefs, past sins or other proof that they were deserving.


The truth is that this Jesus fellow, as well as many other spiritual teachers, recognize that humans are humans; humans who by definition are often generous in their love, impressively creative as well as often short sighted and needful of constant reassurance that they are worthwhile.  Very often it seems we humans need to believe that god believes we are worthwhile only if we are more than/better than/richer than/stronger than or collect more toys than other humans.


There are no chosen people.  Many of us have talents which comfort, soothe or bring great healing and joy to others.  All of us have moments of stupidity and often hurt others.  Some of us invade other nations while self-righteously and creatively justifying said invasion.  Many of us seem convinced that if we hurt others enough, they will become more trusting, kinder people.   Some of us seem convinced that some of us are more deserving of health care, food, clothing, protection from the elements and love than are others. Some of us think that because we have been mistreated we are justified in mistreating others. We may convince ourselves that the god of our understanding approves of our actions because, after all, we are the chosen people. 


Science tells us that there are no chosen people; that every action or inaction which is itself an action, affects at some level, the entire universe in a positive or negative manner.  Science tells us that earth is but a spec in the universes.  Science tells us that we are we are pure energy, and that energy is neither created nor destroyed.  Science tells us that all parts of any system are equally important.  Science tells that treating others with love, understanding and respect reaps rewards for the universe(s). Science tells us that the brains of we humans are composed of many parts which may or may not be capable of what we call logic at any moment in time and space.  Science tells us that just as do other animals we humans have various appetites, desires, and attractions unrelated to what we decide is acceptable or moral or good or bad; that no one decides they want to be compulsively attracted to someone of the same or different gender or only to those of a certain acceptable age or appearance.  Science tells us that our particular brains may be designed to only register either/or thinking or be incapable of standing back and examining all sides of an issue or situation.  Science tells us that hurt people hurt people; that once we humans are treated badly, we may see all as potential danger.


Science tells us that that there are many frameworks for organizing how we view and experience the world. Religions are such frameworks which in and of themselves are neither good nor bad.  They cannot, however,  rise above being mere frameworks.


Perhaps one of the gifts of religious frameworks is the attempt of its member to articulate the questions; the attempt to place we humans within the context of the whole.  Perhaps the greatest shortcoming of religion is the need to believe it provides “the answers”.


As soon as we posit that the god of our understanding is “the God” who  welcomes only  those who obey certain person created rules we have destroyed the very god we are seeking, 


Positing a Christian nation, a Christian nationalism is, I believe a sword which is destined to separate one from “God”.

Written November 13, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Sunday Musings - November 6, 2022
The gift of “both”
 
Most of us may “know” reality is determined by our individual brain and not by “what is out there”.  Sometimes our brains only see the darkness; what is not possible, the winter of life; the absence of color and movement.  Sometimes our brains see only the positives, all roses and goodness.   Some few lucky individuals see both the colors and the absence of color, the movement and the stillness.
 
Consider the wake.  My experience of the protocol of the wake which is practiced in some cultures is it supports both the depth of wailing and uplifting lightness: a gathering to support each other in the grief which often reaches into the reservoir of one’s soul which may have been collecting for many centuries and the well of fresh water of joyful laugher.
 
Many factors seem to determine the reality one experiences.  We know that clinical depression which may be caused, in part, by chemical imbalance or some other physical condition, affects the firing of neurons and, thus, the experience of reality.   We know sometimes the accumulation of losses - often one after another -may clog the pathway to hope.  We know that brain diseases which affect the very structure or construction of the brain determine what sone experience as reality.   Additionally, we know that certain cultural, religious, moral and even political influences affect the reality one wants or needs to experience.  In other words, one may see, hear or otherwise experience what one decides is expedient or morally acceptable.   In some case one may deliberately construct a reality and then repeat it so often that one sincerely believes it to be what  a shared reality.
 
Some behavioral researchers talk about the process of moral cleansing and moral licensing.  Moral cleaning may occur when one does something one perceives as morally good to make up for, compensate, or clean of the slate of a deed or behavior one believed was morally bad.  Moral licensing is the process of rewarding oneself with an unhealthy or otherwise undesirable behavior proceeding  a good, self-sacrificing or morally positive behavior.  These behaviors may be practiced until they become an identification of self.  These contrived or created realities are often the result of our need to have others or ourselves believe one is a good or morally decent person,
 
If the above is true, one might postulate it is pointless and a waste of time to argue about reality; about what did not did not occur; about what a person said or did. Certainly, one can say: The reality I experienced or remembered was….” That may certainly be what I remember or want to be true.  One may also truthfully state “I experienced an event as both joyful and incredibly sad.”  This is accurate.  Someone else will may experience the same event as only incredibly sad or merely joyful. 
 
If one is able to accept that there may be many versions of the same event one can explore possible areas of agreement; a decision to agree or disagree; to restate what one wants the other to hear or see.  Thus, one might say, What I intended to communicate or what I needed you to hear was …”.  One might also say, “I believe X to be true.”  That is a much different statement than, “X is true.”   Alfred Nobel who bequeathed his fortune to establish the Nobel Prizes believed that peace could only be achieved if both parties had enough weapons to destroy the other. Many still believe creating this reality will assure peace.  Many do not.  Alfred Nobel invented the process for creating dynamite from nitro glycerin which could be used in the construction industry or for other socially desirable purposes.  It could, as we know, we used by terrorists  or other violent people.  One might say then that dynamite is both good and bad or neither, in and of itself, good or bad.
 
A recent study found that those who go to the gym regularly are more likely to drink more alcohol than is healthy,  one person might then conclude that going to the gym is unhealthy or going to the gym leads to the abusive use of alcohol.   Someone else might suggest that going to the gym is healthy but could lead to moral licensing; to deceiving oneself that one deserves and can safely drink an excessive amount of alcohol.
 
Given all the above, it is amazing that we humans ever experience any shared reality.  It would seem that much would be gained by accepting that the goal is to share our unique realities and as often as possible, patiently search for ways to appreciate and peacefully live with both realities.  Surely there is ample evidence that arguing which reality is “the reality” is a futile and life sucking exercise.
 
Written November 6, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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