A plea 


I must confess i am confused with or about the decision of many to not get the vaccine which will protect most from getting tragically ill with covid 19 or one of its variants and from infecting someone else who may get tragically ill. My understanding is that an overwhelming majority in ICU beds or those waiting in the halls outside the ICU are occupied.by those who did not get the vaccine.  


I am equally confused about the refusal to wear a mask in any enclosed space or outdoor space where it is difficult or impossible to practice social distance.  The clear potential side affects of not getting the vaccine and wearing the mask is the possibility of acute illness and possibly death . The clear side affect of not getting the vaccine or wearing the mask is the possibility of infecting someone else who might get acutely ill or, if vaccinated, might get infected and pass on the infection to someone else who may or may not get acutely ill and possibly die.


I am well aware that there are those who object to the vaccine because they:


    Are not convinced of the long term safety of the vaccine.  I assume there is the                 possibility of long term side affects with any vaccine, but the history of vaccinations             developed in the United States is very positive.  The very real potential side affects of             not getting the vaccine is acute illness with potential long term slide affects or death.


    Believe in the possibility of the vaccine containing a chip which is implanted
    in one and which then tracts the activity of the individual. I can find no evidence 
    which makes me even remotely suspicious that this is the case.


    Know there is a history of potentially dangerous medical research with selected                 populations.   Past shameful, oppressive, discriminatory medical research was conducted     on a selective population.  The covid vaccines are being offered to ALL who are 12             years old or older except those who may have a medical condition which prevents them             from safely taking any of the vaccines.


    They believe the vaccines were created from fetal issue.  I can find no evidence which             confirms this is the case.


    Believe the vaccines may not be safe because of ingredients used to develop them.               The list of ingredients are widely available and any such concern can be reviewed with             one’s physician and/or pharmacist.


    Are fearful of or angry about being pressured to do something and have the                 corresponding felt need to assert one’s freedom to not do what one is being pressured             to do.  As the body politic we have long decided to give up certain personal freedoms             when the exercise of that freedom adversely affects the freedom of other members of             the body politic. Thus, we have laws requiring the use of seat belts for the driver and             passenger.  If a driver causes an accident and a person in another car which is hit is not             wearing the seat belt, the charge may then change from reckless driving to vehicular             homicide.  Smoking in a public place affects the air quality of of all those inhaling the air     and thus the health of those individuals.   There are numerous instances of the body             politic deciding the freedom of individuals may be restricted to protect the freedom of             the rest of the body politic. 




The refusal to wear a mask in a few instances is justified for medical reasons.   A licensed physician or other qualified medical professional can make that recommendation.  Refusing to wear a mask merely because it is uncomfortable is not, in my opinion, valid.  Refusing to wear a mask because the extent of protection may be questionable is also, in my opinion not valid.  If the mask only provides minimal protection from catching or sharing the virus one needs to wear one.  We do know that when many were wearing the mask the number of flue cases was drastically reduced.


I have perhaps overlooked an argument or reason some give for not taking the vaccine or wearing a mask.  If so, I am open to hearing and “listening”  to those reasons.   As of this moment I cannot think of any cogent argument, other than a concrete individual medically established danger, for doing so,  In the absence of such a proven danger. I believe it is our moral duty to get the vaccine and wear a mask when social distancing is not possible.  I also believe it is our moral duty to listen with empathy and compassion to those who are fearful of the vaccine while still encouraging them to fact check the accuracy of those fear messages.


Written August 31, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

 
 
 
 
Sunday Musings - August 29, 2021
Liminal space
 
If one looks up the definition of liminal space one learns it comes from the Latin root, limen which means “threshold” - the crossing over space or the space where you have left something behind, yet you are not yet someplace else.
 
The title of the podcast conversation on On Being this week is “Borders are Liminal Spaces. This episode features a conversation between host Krista Tippett and the writer, teacher, activist Luis Alberto Urrea.  As a child of the blend of the Mexican-American marriage of his parents, he travels from the United States to Mexico to the United States; from his ancestors to his dance as an professor and a writer.  He calls upon the ancestral roots which each of us carries; the roots which speak not of borders but of thresholds crossed and those yet to be crossed.
 
We live in a time when many of us seem to cling to a story which have been crafted out of selected pieces. These may provide a measure of temporary comfort.  Some of us cling to a larger story - a story of possibilities yet to be realized.
 
The details of the story of the past we tell ourselves may determine whether or not we are able to move forward.  Perhaps many of us will attempt to straddle the threshold holding tight to imposed limits of our past story while others of us may decide to learn from the past story while embracing the possibilities of a story which has yet to be written.  The paradox, of course, is we cannot be fully present in a new story without embracing the story of what has seemingly past.
 
Those individuals who are living with PTSD as a result of combat experience or other trauma can only heal as they embrace the often ugly and painful truth of the trauma.  There was a time when it was believed that one could help trauma victims heal by letting go of the past.  Eventually it was discovered that healing only begins when one is able, without shame or guilt, to cross the threshold into the present bringing the reality of their past with them.   Luis Alberto Urrea might say that we must bring us with us as we embrace the fact that there is only us.  He might also say that we bear witness to the pieces of each other which are reflected in each other.
In the Christian tradition  there is the concept of Grace which may be used as a noun or a verb.  As a verb it is the act of unconditional love which the teacher Jesus taught. As a noun it is that all encompassing canopy which Luis Urrea describes so eloquently in the opening poem of
The Tijuana Book of the Dead, “You Who Seek Grace from a Distracted God.”  In this poem as he views the collection of neighbors who bring a rich array of stories he recognizes as himself which is to say everyone (my words) and says:
 
         “you who have no words
          want to cup their cheeks in your hands,
          you want to hold their faces between your palms.
          you want to say it - say it, you have nothing
          to lose -Just say it:  Say
        
          I love you. I love you.
          I love you. I love you.
          I love you.  I love you.”
 
 
Giving ourselves permission to embrace love for each other might be the most revolutionary act any of us can today perform. I love you.  I love you.  I love you.
 
As we stand on the threshold of a new week - a new beginning - each of us must decide what we will bring with us and how open we are to a future.   Clearly, we cannot afford to leave behind the past or fail to be open to the “us” of the future. Clearly, we must be open to “hearing” and “seeing” it is always us and never them.
 
Written August 29, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 ​

Sickness unto death?
 
Soren Kierkegaard Published Sickness unto Death in 1849.  For him the sickness unto death was despair.  He thought that a person is in despair if he/she does not align himself/herself with God or God’s plan for the self.  He posited that to be a true self one must be grounded in love which for him meant be grounded in the one who created it - the god of his understanding.   For Kierkegaard one can be unconscious of having a self, refuse to accept the self or refuse to accept one’s dependence on love which he equates with God.
 
Philosophers and theologians have always struggled with the concept of self.  Famously Rene Descartes suggested that “I think therefor I am.”  Others have suggested that “I am, therefore, I think.”   Still others would suggest that the self is merely this temporary life form; one is born, lives and dies with no other purpose.  The search for a meaning or purpose to this life journey has occupied the thoughts of humans dating at least back to the discovery of communication via language in all its forms. Various Gods have been posited who created and/or judged the actions of humans and/or  who themselves demonstrated the creativity as well as the foolishness of humans.   Famously the Greek gods may have been the  most human like in their playfulness as well as their range of ambitions and emotions.
 
Palaces and pyramids often served the purpose of identifying with the gods and or imbuing oneself with the luxuries of the gods.  Modern day commercialism has, perhaps, allowed the possibility of imitation of the gods to a larger group of individuals. In fact, it might seem as if the goal is to create the self as defined by the scope, size, and glitter of what one can accumulate.   Mansions, clothes (some might say the lack of clothes), degrees, titles, choice of food, and a host of other creations have become, for many, synonymous with the self.  In times of economic crisis many commit suicide because in their mind they have ceased to exist without the material wealth to create a self.
 
Many studies reveal that the  ‘sickness unto death’ for many today is loneliness or isolation which is not far from the thinking of Soren Kierkegaard. Whether one thinks of God as a supreme being, pure love, and/or as the seen or unseen web which connects all that is, it is impossible to envision a sense of self which is separate from the rest of the universe(s).  
 
The pandemic has, in many respects, destroyed a sense of connection.  Even those who live in a nuclear or extended family situation during the pandemic often discover that the sense of self could not be contained in that relatively small community.  One may the blame one’s spouse or other family members for not being the breath which brings forth and sustains life.  In this case it was not being in relationship for which they were looking but birthing itself.
 
Often, it seems, humans decide, perhaps on the basis of past experience, it is not safe to connect or allow the connection with other people to be manifest. During the pandemic it has been even more obvious, things/possessions did not fulfill their mission of birthing them.  Thus, despair ensued.   Perhaps some, for a time, turned to alcohol or other drugs only to find the temporary escape, like their partner or other family members, failed them.
 
With or without a concept of a supreme being or a god, it is obvious that we are social beings who exist only in connection with other people and the rest of the universe.  Just as our brain cannot function with one neuron, we cannot avoid the “sickness until death” of isolation.  We may think of this wholeness or connection as the god of our understanding.  We may just think of it as this wholeness of energy which never ceases to exist. It is true that energy cannot be created or destroyed. Perhaps the self does cease to exist if one erects barriers to connection.  Perhaps war and other forms of violence destroys both the one who is violent and the one who is a victim of the violence.  Perhaps we can avoid sickness until death by embracing the life-giving connection with each other and Mother Nature.
 
Written August 26, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 ​

Sunday Musings - August 22, 2021
 
I would love to be able to say that this week I have remained spiritually centered and continuously appreciative of the fact that I enjoy the many privileges of my gated, middle class, relatively healthy life.  I would like to be able to say that I kept all in perspective and did not react as a spoiled white man to minor inconveniences.   I would also like to say that I knew my opinions were  approximately based on ethical facts;  that after a lifetime of listening to spiritual teachers and wise philosophers such as Immanuel Kant, Jeremy Bentham, John Locke, Thomas Hobbs, Bertram Russell, Resmaa Mencken, Martin Luther King, Jr.,  Pema Chodron Ram Dass, and many others I have arrived at a decision-making model which always or nearly always feels moral.   The truth is I can make none of these statements.
 
Today I am not forced to function at the survival level; on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs I am not concerned with basic physical and security needs.  That fact alone imposes on me the responsibility to consider the active and passive ways I contribute to the fact that a significant percentage of people continue to be concerned with basic physical and security needs. I cannot excuse my inactivity because I am busy contemplating my navel or writing a new version of the Metaphysics of Morals.
 
Given our amazing and varied means of communication with each other there is no shortage of the “prods” we daily receive to do something about the social ills and injustices which keep most of the world’s population at level one or two of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.  Daily, most of us are urged to face the many ways in which we are racist, sexist, homophobic, economically oppressive, or otherwise immoral or even amoral. 
We are often implored to listen to “truths” which are diametrically opposed to each other. A minister tells his congregants that they are forbidden to get vaccinated or wear masks in church.  A mother whose three-year-old is fighting a life threatening covid19 infection pleads with individuals to do their part  to create herd immunity.   Many plead with the President of the United States to continue to evacuate United States citizens and their supporters from Afghanistan. Others plead with him to keep troops in that country until the democratic political regime is stronger.  Some advocate for more social policies - a more humane and fairer sharing of resources.  Some decry such a sharing as a Godless coddling of individuals.   Some are thrilled that the FBI can find no proof that President Trump actively conspired to bring about the January 6th insurrection.  Others shake their heads when hearing such a conclusion.
 
Recently I visited an amazing museum complex.  Much of the funding or at least a substantial amount comes from an employer who has often been accused of mistreating employees or at least not honoring their basic needs while he and other stockholders have amassed a huge fortune.  I love the fact  that artists such as Georgia O’Keefe, Mary Cassatt, Thomas Moran, and a host of more recent artists have a place to share their creations thus ensuring that our hearts and souls will be challenged to consider issues affecting the entire universe and especially Mother Earth.   Historically blood money has often funded the arts resulting in a duplicity which daily challenge many of us.
 
If not careful while drafting the next tome purporting to provide a means to make ethical decisions  I will become just another  pretentious, self-righteous bore who only adds to the problem. I will take myself and my moral dilemmas so seriously that I will forget to laugh and, thus, add to the oppression. Yet one does not want to laugh while Rome burns.
 
Perhaps the most moral of dances which we humans can share is the ability to simultaneously do our best to support each other in making manifest our most loving, just selves and to accept our roles as “mere humans” whose “intelligence” continually questions and complicates this very brief life journey while the simplest of other creatures reminds us to quietly live our brief life journey in loving community.
 
Written August 22, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 ​

Confident humility
 
Other than blogs, clinical notes, papers in graduate schools and clinical notes I have no recognition as a published author.   When I join a writer’s group which is mainly composed of those who are “real” published authors of “books” I feel calling myself a writer is a misnomer; that I am a fraud.  I have long often felt as if I am an imposter. When I was in school to get a Master of Divinity I kept waiting to be identified as an imposter. I was “not like the others bright, scholarly, religious people who “knew” the Bible and were “sure” that they knew the one true God and were doing His will.  
 
 
If lucky, many of us, as we mature, have a strong sense of our talents and skills.  Of course, as we age, we may have to reassess some of them.   We also know, if we are honest, we have more questions than answers. No matter how knowledgeable one is there are always the unknowns which one can miss when designing a project or a plan of action.   Whether designing a multi-story office building, planning a surgery, writing a book, or preparing for a performance with a symphony, there are many factors which can derail the outcome. 
 
Recently I was listening to a Fresh Air interview of Dave Davies with tennis star Billie Jean King.  During the interview Ms. King talks about the fact that no matter how skilled one is one can have a day when one’s game is off (my words).  Recently during the Olympics one of the athletes had to take a break because of mental health issues.   Famous, highly skilled string instrument artists  have had strings break in the middle of a concert despite having just replaced them.    In the counseling field I have often had to rely on a “feeling” that despite the seeming facts which the symptoms were broadcasting  something else I could not identify was going on.  
 
One of the many qualities I admire about Ms. King is the fact that her confidence to pursue her career and the many projects she has undertaken is mixed with a huge dose of humility.  I think of humility as acceptance that : (1) luck or Grace plays a huge role in how one functions on a particular day,  (2) one must work to sharpen those talents, and (3)  one’s basic talents may be innate.  It is true that Ms. King spent untold hours listening to a coach and practicing. Yet, many individuals have done those things only to have an accident or some event steal their potential career.   I cannot assume that later today my brain will be free of dementia, a brain tumor or some other “disease” ending my ability to work as a counselor, to write or even to live independently.  At the same time, I know if I want to work as a counselor I need to continue to search for new information about the many factors which can affect emotional/mental health.  If I want to be a writer I must not only keep writing but I must have the courage to share my writings and be open to the critique of both my technical ability and the content of the voice I am sharing.   I can never assume I have arrived as a writer or a counselor.  I have no idea if I will be a writer today.  I have no idea if will be able to be helpful to some client who is experiencing emotional or mental distress today.    While it is true I am trained as a counselor and I have practiced and studied as a writer, to call myself today is not accurate. Perhaps the heart and mind will talk to each other and I will “hear” what a client is saying.  Perhaps I will set pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and words might appear. Perhaps not!
 
Today I am grateful to know we are all, at some level, imposters.  Today we can use the skills and talents we have sharpened to humbly do our best - just for today.
 
Written August 18, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 ​

Preparing for the wake
 
I was listening to someone on a podcast this morning bemoan the demand by some for political correctness.  This is a complaint which most of us have heard from various sources.  It is also a catch phrase used by some politicians to critique those who are concerned about the language used to exclude or overtly justify oppressing those whose race, gender, or sexual orientation may not be embraced by the larger society. When someone is critical of the critique of language for this reason it may seem they are misunderstanding the power of language and  how it is embedded in the culture and practice of oppression. 
 
Part of my intent in listening to the podcast was to attempt to listen at a deeper level and with an open mind and heart.  What the speaker seemed to be saying was that, if not careful, the goal becomes being politically correct for the sake of political correctness; the intent of which has very little to do with creating a more just and loving society.   When our intent is to be politically correct, we are asking to be recognized as being right or righteous - proving that we are better than or more moral then.    Perhaps that is not our intent but if that is how we are heard the audience is likely to be defensive and respond with criticism. I will share a personal example.   When I am in a restaurant, I always tell the wait person “Please no plastic straws.”  Friends often respond to my statement with, “Do we have to go there?” followed by a sigh.  In my mind I have made a simple and important request. Any time one can avoid the use of plastic which might end up in the bellies of fish in our rivers and oceans we have taken a small step towards a healthier and kinder relationship with the ecology of Mother Earth.  Some restaurants have switched to no straws or pasta or paper straws.
 
What I may not be taking into account is the fact that my friends have arrived wanting a pleasant evening of not feeling guilty for taking a break and enjoying an evening with friends; a break from feeling guilty for being comfortable.   Clearly, we know that positive change does not happen when we make others feel guilty.  When we are heard as verbally criticizing or punishing others we may be perceived as those who would now like to take their hard-won enjoyment and give it to those we who are still oppressed.   They may “hear” that the intent is to make them have a miserable evening because they are unworthy to enjoy themselves while others are homeless, starving and Mother Earth is withering away.
 
If the use of plastic straws was the only issue which was potentially a politically correct dividing issue, we could address that issue without it being a trigger.  The truth is that we live in a time when most of us are on a “serious” information overload.  I suspect this information overload of “serious” issues is making it difficult for all of us to feel like good citizens of the earth.  If i think about the fact that I believe that TODAY we need to address, sexism, racism, homophobia, historical accuracy, factors relating to climate change, healthy food choices, addiction, health care, foreign policy, the so-called justice system and a host of other urgent issues it is easy to understand how many feel they are suffocating under the weight of political correctness.  
 
Perhaps we heed to create the conditions for a wake.  I have always been fond of wakes.  At the wakes I have been privileged to attend there is room for laughter, weeping, wailing, anger, joy, celebration and the breaking of bread together.   The laughter and joy do not detract from the overwhelming sadness that there is the body of the loved one without whom we may have difficulty imagining life. 
 
It seems we have lost the ability to agree that the emperor has no clothes; that there is a body sitting in the middle of the room.  That body is racism, sexism, climate warming, homophobia, the lack of equal access to healthy food, housing, clothing, clean heat, health care, and decent paying jobs. That body is the fact of the 1% having a very large share of the wealth.  That body is the Tulsa Massacre, the broken treaties, the often-arrogant foreign policy and the need to move past the pandemic.  That body is number of people dying from drug overdoses. It is the fact that we imprison more people than any other so called developed nations for longer periods and have a high recidivism rate.  That body is the number of injuries and killings in this country with firearms. That body is our acceptance of the use of the term America to refer to the United States leaving out the fact that there is South American, Central America, Mexico, and Canada. 
 
The question is how we can agree to take off our rose-colored glasses and acknowledge the body without metaphorically shoving each other into the casket with the body.  
 
When someone first finds out there is a body, before the body is lovingly prepared for the viewing and the wake, arms reach out to gather the grieving and allow them to weep and wail.  Perhaps we who are so eager to address the reality of the body have to gather the grieving ones in our arms.   Perhaps if we can honor that stage of grieving, we can move on to the wake.  At the wake there is no discussion about whether there is a body and yet the reality of the body allows for the laughter, the story telling and the planning of a new future.  The grief cannot be expressed without the laughter.  The planning of the future cannot be faced with the feeding of each other.
 
Perhaps political correctness or the lack of same is not the issue.  The issue may be attempting to address the issues without even acknowledging the reality of the losses.  it does not matter if the loss  represented a distorted reality or only a thin slice of reality.   Even the loss of an illusion or a dream is a profound loss.
 
Perhaps it is time we embraced and sat with each other before we plan the wake.
 
Written August 17, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 ​

Sunday Musings - August 15, 2021
Writing our story
 
This week the podcast On Being rebroadcasts a 2012 conversation with Kevin Kling who is a professional storyteller.  The title of this conversation is “The Losses We Grow Into”.    As a child who was born with one “disabled” arm and later had an accident which paralyzed the other arm he has had a lot of experience with exploring the power of the story we tell ourselves.  For example, following the motorcycle accident which took away the use of his formerly one usable arm his PTSD affected his ability to sleep.  His therapist suggested he imagine a new story in which he did not injure his arm.   Simply by telling himself a new story which sat alongside the original story he was able to begin to sleep.   As he notes, he still had to wake up and function without the use of either arm. 
 
Most of us arise daily with or without having slept well and immediately tell ourselves a story about the day.  We may tell ourselves it will be a good day or we may tell ourselves it is going to be a rotten day.  Anxiety, depression, grief, or some other emotion may choreograph our story for that day. We may be in the habit of allowing the dance which our disease has choreographed to write our story.    For many it may feel if one does not have a choice.   One may be used to allowing the “dis ease” to define who they are and, thus, what their dance will be.   For still others, another person or event might choreograph one’s daily story.  Some individuals are bullied or otherwise told they are worthless or not good enough.  They may be living in a home or place such as a prison where they are treated as if they deserve to be treated as less then.  Some may not realize that they have the power to write a different story- a more positive story.  We only have to look at the musicians who wrote amazing music while in the death camps during the Holocaust or individuals such as Otto Frank, Ellie Wiesel, and Nelson Mandela who refused to allow their oppressors to choreograph their life dance.   Eleanor Roosevelt and Sonia Sotomayor also refused to allow life circumstances to choreograph their life dance - to write their story.
 
I do not want to minimize the power of mental illness or trauma such as the accident which paralyzed the one good arm of Kevin Kling.  Sometimes medication can take the edge off an illness to make it a little easier to write a more positive story for oneself.  Yet, it is still up to all of us to get whatever support or help we need to be able to write the story we want to strive to live today.
 
In this age of social media  and a host of venues for sharing information it is often difficult to decide what information to believe before writing our story for the day. Just this morning I have communicated with several people about the efficacy of wearing masks and/or getting vaccinations to ease the spread of the Delta Variant.  Very intelligent, bright people have come to different conclusions.  They will design their dance or perhaps the dance for the community with the Delta Variant based on which individuals or news sources they believe. 
 
Daily I write what I choose to call my spiritual intention for the day.  This intention is my way of beginning to write the story I will live today.  I may need to come back to that intention throughout the day to remind myself what story I want to live.  It is easy for this human to allow other people or events to choreography a new dance - write a new story.  Obviously, there is much none of us can control. There are very tragic events which all of us must face and somehow incorporate into our story.  Kevin Kling does not deny he had an accident which left his one good arm paralyzed.  With the help of his therapist, he wrote another story to sit alongside the other story.  His arm was paralyzed, and he would have to learn to use a voice recognition software to write.  He was disabled and yet he is still able to live a rich and fulfilling life.   Nothing of the essence of who he is was destroyed in the accident.
 
I love this reminder of the power of stories we tell ourselves.   Many groups of people have long recognized the power of story telling.  This has been true for many Native American tribes.   it was equally true for the early humans who used hieroglyphics a record of their story.
 
Kevin Kling quotes his friend Ingrid who lives with aphasia. “And Ingrid said, one time, before her aphasia I used to feel, ‘I think; therefore, I am.’  But now she knows we come from deeper place. Now she feels, “I am therefore, I think.’”
 
As is true for Kevin and Ingrid, today we can choreograph the story of the life dance we want to live today.   We cannot plan or control the details which appear, but we can decide the relationship we want with those details.  This relationship becomes our story.
 
Written August 15, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 ​

​Affection and sex


The Me-Too movement, as well as the feminist moment in general, has highlighted the concern about the use of power to satisfy one’s desires or need when there is little or no concern about the needs and desires of others.   The most obvious and well publicized use of power has been to satisfy the sexual need  of someone in a position of power over or with someone who has less power and  is thus in not in a position to refuse without serious adverse consequences. This concern is most often the treatment of males toward females but also includes the treatment of same sex persons and the treatment by some females of males.   


As with any movement which attempts to address abusive behavior, it is easy to begin to question any physical affection shown to someone other than one’s spouse, romantic partner, or close relative, i.e., parent. Thus, a kiss may not be seen as just a kiss or a touch as just a touch.  All touching other than a handshake or fist or elbow bumping may be suspect as sexual.  Males who are engaged in certain college or professional sports may and do show a lot of physical affection for each other. Males in combat situations can also safely share physical affection.


For the most part, females on our culture have been free to exchange physical affection in public with each other without being suspected of being sexual. As women gain or assume their rightful place in the power hierarchy, even this may become suspect.


Perhaps because we males, as a group, tend to sexualize physical affection outside of sports, combat and the arts, affection between males has been highly suspect unless there a clear family connection.


Historically, Jesus and other famous teachers showed affection, including the kiss, towards others. The kiss was a sacred symbol of affection and respect. The kiss of Jesus by Judas was symbolic of the betrayal of Judas.


Sex between an adult and a child who is not considered of legal age is unacceptable in most cultures.  The age of consent varies widely around the world and even in different states in the United States. In a few cultures the introduction or teaching of sex to children by adults has been ritualized and, thus, is permissible.


Sexual touch versus non-sexual touch, particularly in the United States is defined by the receiver.   If the receiver or the observer experiences a show of affection as sexual then it is considered sexual no matter what the intent of the giver.


In some cultures, especially the United States, there has been a concerted effort to separate manner of dress from sexual signals.  Thus, costumes which reveal most of one’s body parts including breasts, nipples, legs, mid-section which may otherwise be considered sexual are now considered as acceptable non-sexual inviting costumes. This became the case, in part, because those working to end sexual assault needed to make it clear that women are sexually abused no matter what the costume they were wearing or not wearing.  This remains, however, a fussy line in the minds of some.   Certainly no one deserves to be sexually assaulted and deserves the right to say no at any time or any point in the relationship regardless of their costume.  Yet, one wonders about the costume which seems designed to advertise one’s  sexual availability.  Perhaps during any cultural transition/exploratory time this sort of vagueness is going to be present.


We humans are clearly social and sexual beings from the moment of birth. It up to each of us to set boundaries at our level of comfort or discomfort and expect those boundaries to be respected.   At the same time, we may need to be more open to honoring the fact of the often thin line between abuse/harassment and the healthy show of affection between all genders without becoming so fearful and offended. 


Written August 12, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

 
Sunday Musings - August 8, 2021
New shoes
 
On August 7, 2021, I attended a men’s breakfast at Church on the Move in Tulsa Oklahoma with my nephew Tony.  Although the theology of the leadership of his church is often at odds with my understanding of Christian theology, my intention is to listen with an open mind and heart.  When I am successful in holding on to my intention, I come away with a precious jewel.  Such was the case on August 6.  The speaker was Dusty Otis from Detroit where he and his wife Heather have started a “compassionate driven  non-profit called ‘One City’.  They believe God has called them to unite Detroit by bringing life and adding value to people through local outreach, church plants and consulting, and online Services.” (happeningnext.com)
 
One of the stories which Dusty told in his brief talk was of a homeless woman named Delores.  Every morning Delores would ask for a dollar.  Since Dusty never carries cash, he never gave her anything.  One morning he asked her, “Delores what do you need?”  She replied, “Shoes”.  He was able to purchase some shoes to replace the ones she was wearing which were without soles.”
 
I was reminded, once again, that I often get so focused on helping people with what I may think they need, I neglect to ask them, “What do you need?”   Sharon Salzberg, an esteemed meditation teacher and author, in an August 5, 2021, conversation with Krista Tippett, host of the podcast On Being reminds the listener of the 5 hinderances in Buddhist philosophy:  Clinging or attachment, aversion (anger and fear), sleepiness/numbness (avoidance), restlessness (anxiety, guilt, worry), and doubt or cynicism (questioning or wondering).  One might say that these are hinderance to being at peace, contentment, or hearing what is needed.  They can also be hinderances to being present to self and others. It is not that any of these are wrong.  They are all normal, human responses to facing life; to being in what I term a state of “dis ease”.  From a Buddhist perspective the goal is to non-judgmentally notice one’s response and then decide the relationship one will have with one’s response.  Obviously, one can choose to just stay attached or cling to a sense of “dis ease”, be angry and blaming, to numb oneself in some way, be anxious or endlessly question or do research.  Whatever the response, the question one may want to ask is the same question  Sharon Salzberg asks, “What relationship do I want with my response or to the event which triggered the response. 
 
I have a friend who when he has a physical symptom of his body being off balance becomes anxious and  endlessly researches it. He soon decides he has some life threatening or disabling condition.  This can be his response to a sinus infection which is uncomfortable, and which may or may not need medical attention or to a simple cold.  He embraces his anxiety until he becomes his anxiety.  This, as Ms. Salzburg states, becomes a hinderance to peace or contentment  - being able to face life on life’s terms - to “dis ease”. 
 
What do I need?  I do not need to live in a perfect world which considers only my needs and wants. Obviously, that is not going to happen. I do not need a supply of substances to keep me permanently numbed. Perhaps I need a different relationship with the cement under my feet, a new pair of shoes.
 
My intention and goal today is to “keep it simple”; to notice the hinderance and focus on the relationship; to ask myself and others, “What do I/you need.”
 
On this Sunday, which is my sabbath, I do not need a complicated theology, a god who is going to punish me for my humanness, or even for someone to ask, “Do you know Jesus, Buddha,  Mohammed, or some other teacher as God?”  I need a healthier relationship with the hinderances I have consciously or unconsciously adopted/chosen.
 
Written August 8, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
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