It is Memorial Day weekend here in the United States. This day was originally set aside a few years after the Civil War as Decoration Day – a day to decorate the graves of veterans. In 1971 it was declared a national holiday and renamed Memorial Day. Since then, it is been designated by the merchants and consumers of the United States as a national weekend for shopping, the gathering of people who do not particularly like each other and for pissing off our bodies by overeating.
Since it is a national weekend for shopping and many of us will be gathering with people who we may not particularly like, we need to have some fun with our costumes for the family gathering. I am going to suggest that we go shopping for a costume which will allow us to flaunt our inner (Who are we kidding. It is very evident!) Drama king or queen. Actually, no mater what delusions we live with; it is always drama queen regardless of our gender!
There are several possibilities for this costume, all of which allow us to take center stage as does the little events in our lives which we give the status of full fledged operas worthy of production by the Metropolitan Opera of New York City for which people fork over hundreds of dollars per performance.
Let’s consider possible options. Once we narrow down the choices we can scour the Sunday newspapers, identify the sales, and plan our shopping expedition. Of course, one will want to take along a good friend who is skilled in costuming. I suggest an over the top “queen”, a Southern woman, or an in your face John Wayne, swaggering “real man”.
So now, we have studied the ads to find out where the sales are, our friend has arrived and off we go. Let’s first look at the “queen” options. Actually there are at least two very distinct options depending on your particular body. Consider the following options:
1. The Wallmartian – If in doubt about possible Wallmartian costumes there are plenty of You Tube videos to guide one in these trashy options. Personally I would consider too small pink tights, a sequined halter top, plastic 5 inches heals and a ball cap.
2. The Drag Queen – if you have never been to an over the top drag queen shows you will need a friend who has. Off to the retro store you go for a tight fitting, low cut (if male the more chair hair cleavage the better), slit up to the hip bone, panty hose, jeweled heels, and an over the top, foot tall, well coiffured wig.
The Southern woman option. Fortunately this one is pretty standard. Find a You Tube video of the Kentucky Derby or just google “Kentucky Derby women’s costumes” or “Kentucky Derby Hats”. If you have a friend who is Southern and who has any style at all they will be happy to be your consultant. Don’t forget that attitude takes practice. For the male costume any Southern, cigar smoking, dandy can advise. One does not want to mistake the white linen suit and bowler hat for a zoot suit! (Come to think of it that might be another option).
The John way option is easy. Boots, a very practiced swagger, a low pitched voice which utters short, clipped phrases and, well worn, tight jeans (not too tight), a western shirt and at least a day’s beard growth should complete this costume. For the female John Wayne equivalent, think New York City, in your face, mussed hair, and little makeup (you think I have time for such crap You want a meal or you want fashion?) sensible shoes, and 500% of in your face “f… off” attitude. Actually, I found very little on You Tube or google to help with this one. Thus, if you do not have a native New Yorker consultant or have not yourself had a lot of experience with this persona, I would forget it.
Sadly, if you have no prior experience with any of these personas, you will be up all night Sunday night practicing and your consultant will be there with you critiquing your performance. If the consultant fusses you can practice your drama queen role with him/her.
Lastly, but not least, if one is going to be a drama queen (or if too sensitive to own it, the drama king) one should have some fun. Being a drama queen and being serious about it is much too exhausting otherwise. Also, remember that for the seasoned drama queen any little issue will do. For example, “You bought that that cheap a… brand of hot dogs. You probably are saving the better ones for cousin Louie.” Or “ Oh my God, you have not idea.” Or.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
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