Values vs Beliefs
My spiritual intention this morning was to respect opinions of others even when I do not understand or agree with them. A friend of mine then asked, “If the other’s opinion is destructive or hurtful to others does that get respect.” Obviously what I meant to say was “My intention is to respect others even when I do not understand or agree with their opinions.”
Shortly after sharing my spiritual intention for the day I listened to this week’s podcast of On Being – a conversation between host Shankar Vedantam and Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of the book, Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World. The title of the podcast Is “The Easiest Person to Fool”. I urge the reader to listen.
One of the distinctions Dr. Grant makes is between beliefs and values. Of those he says, “…when I think about a belief, I would say that’s something that you take as true. A value is something you think is important.” He goes on to say, “And yeah, I think a lot of us make a mistake of taking our beliefs and opinions and making them our identify.”
I find his use of terms helpful. Generally, when I am talking with myself or others I ask if some opinion is a core value or belief. Often I find that us humans, as Dr. Grant states, confuse what we belief with who we are. If I believe an opinion is part of my core identity then I am likely to feel offended or hurt if someone disagrees with me. I am also more likely to confuse the identity of the person with whom I am talking with their opinion.
If we are able to separate our core identity from our opinions then it is easy to treat others as a person who deserves love and respect. One of my nephews said to me the other day, “ I would like to think that most men are wanting to improve in all aspects of life.” He said this is response to the fact that I disagreed with something which was strongly advocated by a speaker we both heard. I agreed with my nephew. I had no intention of implying disrespect for the men with whom I disagreed. One of my core values is that all people deserve love and respect. I may strongly disagree with their opinions but I do not want to confuse their opinion with who they are as persons.
Dr. Grant shared the fact that the Wright brothers had a very close working and personal relationship but they had passionate disagreements as they were exploring flying machines and other inventions. The best leaders often deliberately consult with those with whom they disagree.
Those of us who have a strong and passionate personality might want to be aware that we can often communicate as if we are attacking the personhood of one with whom we are disagreeing. We may need, at times, to explore ways of communicating which are still clear but are experienced less invasively. We may also want to be clear about the distinction between our values and our beliefs. Beliefs are based on what information one has managed to collect thus far. In every area of life new knowledge is constantly coming to the surface. Our beliefs are constantly changing.
My core values are less dependent on new information. Yet, I want to continue to explore how I arrived at that value and if there is any information which might cause me to rethink it.
Almost all of my closest friends have many beliefs which are much different than mine. Most of us, however, have similar core values. When those core values differ my core value is to treat the other person with love and respect. Obviously if someone’s core value is that only some people deserve love and respect then I am going to do all I can to ensure the body politic guarantees the same rights to all including that person who thinks the opposite should be the case. We are all aware that in current political and religious clients acting thusly may be a huge challenge. I believe that most of us can meet that challenge.
Written February 7, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
My spiritual intention this morning was to respect opinions of others even when I do not understand or agree with them. A friend of mine then asked, “If the other’s opinion is destructive or hurtful to others does that get respect.” Obviously what I meant to say was “My intention is to respect others even when I do not understand or agree with their opinions.”
Shortly after sharing my spiritual intention for the day I listened to this week’s podcast of On Being – a conversation between host Shankar Vedantam and Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of the book, Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World. The title of the podcast Is “The Easiest Person to Fool”. I urge the reader to listen.
One of the distinctions Dr. Grant makes is between beliefs and values. Of those he says, “…when I think about a belief, I would say that’s something that you take as true. A value is something you think is important.” He goes on to say, “And yeah, I think a lot of us make a mistake of taking our beliefs and opinions and making them our identify.”
I find his use of terms helpful. Generally, when I am talking with myself or others I ask if some opinion is a core value or belief. Often I find that us humans, as Dr. Grant states, confuse what we belief with who we are. If I believe an opinion is part of my core identity then I am likely to feel offended or hurt if someone disagrees with me. I am also more likely to confuse the identity of the person with whom I am talking with their opinion.
If we are able to separate our core identity from our opinions then it is easy to treat others as a person who deserves love and respect. One of my nephews said to me the other day, “ I would like to think that most men are wanting to improve in all aspects of life.” He said this is response to the fact that I disagreed with something which was strongly advocated by a speaker we both heard. I agreed with my nephew. I had no intention of implying disrespect for the men with whom I disagreed. One of my core values is that all people deserve love and respect. I may strongly disagree with their opinions but I do not want to confuse their opinion with who they are as persons.
Dr. Grant shared the fact that the Wright brothers had a very close working and personal relationship but they had passionate disagreements as they were exploring flying machines and other inventions. The best leaders often deliberately consult with those with whom they disagree.
Those of us who have a strong and passionate personality might want to be aware that we can often communicate as if we are attacking the personhood of one with whom we are disagreeing. We may need, at times, to explore ways of communicating which are still clear but are experienced less invasively. We may also want to be clear about the distinction between our values and our beliefs. Beliefs are based on what information one has managed to collect thus far. In every area of life new knowledge is constantly coming to the surface. Our beliefs are constantly changing.
My core values are less dependent on new information. Yet, I want to continue to explore how I arrived at that value and if there is any information which might cause me to rethink it.
Almost all of my closest friends have many beliefs which are much different than mine. Most of us, however, have similar core values. When those core values differ my core value is to treat the other person with love and respect. Obviously if someone’s core value is that only some people deserve love and respect then I am going to do all I can to ensure the body politic guarantees the same rights to all including that person who thinks the opposite should be the case. We are all aware that in current political and religious clients acting thusly may be a huge challenge. I believe that most of us can meet that challenge.
Written February 7, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
RSS Feed