A change of clothing
The November 13, 2017 conversation on On Being was between the host Krista Tippett and Father Greg Boyle. During that conversation Ms. Tippet asked him about his journey with Leukemia. Father Boyle replied with a quote from the Dalai Lama: “…somebody asked him about his own personal death. And he just laughed. And he said, change of clothing… So the minute you’re freed from not just the notion of death but you’re freed from the fear of it- and I know that cancer and death is not the worst thing that could ever happen to somebody.”
I admire this way of approaching one’s life journey. I think that the concern for most of us is that we get attached to goals we want to accomplish before we die. I can, for example, certainly identify with those parents who would like to live long enough to know that their children are able to take care of themselves emotionally, spiritually and financially. Already this morning I have talked with two sets of parents about their adult children who are struggling with addiction. In both cases it is dad who seems to struggles the most with accepting that our job as parents is to just love our adult children. It is not to fix them. One of the dads with whom I spoke at the gym hears himself telling the son what to do regarding his addiction. His wife, on the other hand, is more able to just lovingly be present and to accept that son has to decide if and when he is ready to do a recovery program. In another situation dad hopes that if he does enough to be helpful son will finally be ready to do a recovery program. Dad gets exhausted and son remains in active addiction.
One of the reasons why I look to Father Gregory as a mentor is that he seems to have come close to perfecting the art of letting go of attachment to outcomes. When one works with folks such as Los Angeles gang members who have often lived their entire lives without hope, one knows that often individuals will return to what they know – gang life and active addiction. Sometimes on the second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth exploration some will grab on to the rope of hope. Sometimes - much too often –someone will die from gang related violence, a drug overdose or some other cause – before they able to hold onto this rope.
Emmanuel via Ram Dass said that dying is “like taking off a tight shoe.” (ramdass.org)
Whether the death is physical or the death of a way of being or thinking, once we accept that we have no control – that we do not need to try to control – we relax into the process. We take off the costume, which has masked the pure, loving energy that we are and welcome what comes next.
Growth is a process of the continual death (letting go of the attachment) of thinking that we know something or have some measure of control – of allowing ourselves to be present to what is next. Whether our attachment is to what we think we should be able to do as parents, to an addiction, or whether it is to this life journey, once we let go we are free to just smile and welcome what comes next. It is that simple. Sadly for us humans it is not always that easy!
Written November 24, 2017
The November 13, 2017 conversation on On Being was between the host Krista Tippett and Father Greg Boyle. During that conversation Ms. Tippet asked him about his journey with Leukemia. Father Boyle replied with a quote from the Dalai Lama: “…somebody asked him about his own personal death. And he just laughed. And he said, change of clothing… So the minute you’re freed from not just the notion of death but you’re freed from the fear of it- and I know that cancer and death is not the worst thing that could ever happen to somebody.”
I admire this way of approaching one’s life journey. I think that the concern for most of us is that we get attached to goals we want to accomplish before we die. I can, for example, certainly identify with those parents who would like to live long enough to know that their children are able to take care of themselves emotionally, spiritually and financially. Already this morning I have talked with two sets of parents about their adult children who are struggling with addiction. In both cases it is dad who seems to struggles the most with accepting that our job as parents is to just love our adult children. It is not to fix them. One of the dads with whom I spoke at the gym hears himself telling the son what to do regarding his addiction. His wife, on the other hand, is more able to just lovingly be present and to accept that son has to decide if and when he is ready to do a recovery program. In another situation dad hopes that if he does enough to be helpful son will finally be ready to do a recovery program. Dad gets exhausted and son remains in active addiction.
One of the reasons why I look to Father Gregory as a mentor is that he seems to have come close to perfecting the art of letting go of attachment to outcomes. When one works with folks such as Los Angeles gang members who have often lived their entire lives without hope, one knows that often individuals will return to what they know – gang life and active addiction. Sometimes on the second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth exploration some will grab on to the rope of hope. Sometimes - much too often –someone will die from gang related violence, a drug overdose or some other cause – before they able to hold onto this rope.
Emmanuel via Ram Dass said that dying is “like taking off a tight shoe.” (ramdass.org)
Whether the death is physical or the death of a way of being or thinking, once we accept that we have no control – that we do not need to try to control – we relax into the process. We take off the costume, which has masked the pure, loving energy that we are and welcome what comes next.
Growth is a process of the continual death (letting go of the attachment) of thinking that we know something or have some measure of control – of allowing ourselves to be present to what is next. Whether our attachment is to what we think we should be able to do as parents, to an addiction, or whether it is to this life journey, once we let go we are free to just smile and welcome what comes next. It is that simple. Sadly for us humans it is not always that easy!
Written November 24, 2017
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