Oh dear. I have now spent the last hour or two attempting to correct a problem with the iMessage service on my Macbook. It seemed as if I have finally solved the problem or perhaps it was not me but something with the service at AT&T or Apple which got corrected. Oops. Spoke too soon. That is not the case. At any rate, I am spoiled by having it work and was very hopeful that the problem was fixed.
I am fascinated by the fact that I get so obsessed with solving a problem whether it is a business problem, a problem with the computer or smart phone, or a home maintenance issue. It so often feels as if it is very important that the issue get resolved. Sometimes I am better at allowing myself to ask for help, but often there is no one close whom I can ask for help. I can call Apple support when I am having a problem with the Macbook but not for the phone without paying. To take the Macbook to the Apple store in Tampa requires a substantial block of time.
I do remind myself that I have lived for years/much of my life without most of the devices which I now feel are so important to me. I did not have a smart phone, a computer, a dishwasher, my own washer and dryer, an ice maker, or many of the other conveniences which now often feel like necessities to me.
What makes it seem so important that I fix the problem, whatever the problem de jour is? The possibilities are:
1. I am committed to getting something written or some project done. When I make a promise, it is important that I do everything I can to keep that promise even if I know the person will be understanding/patient. (The real problem is not wanting to admit I cannot keep my promise.)
2. I need to prove that I can fix or solve some problem/issues. My self-worth is dependent on being able to do that.
3. Some old message, which I no longer believe, creates anxiety which I attempt to dispel by solving/fixing the problem.
4. I am naturally eager to experiment with solving/fixing a problem, which I started attempting to do at a very early age. I was always much better at dissecting or taking something physical apart than I was in putting it back together. My father and my siblings were much better at putting some physical object (car, toaster, etc.) back together again.
5. I have an diagnosable condition such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
6. Some combination of these five options.
I have now identified the problem and deconstructed it. My suspicion is that the answer is number six – some combination of one through five. Regardless of the answer how important is the answer? It is not that important. What I really need to do is to practice the serenity prayer, be very intentional about breathing, and giving myself clear positive messages while making a clear decision what I am going to do – ignore, call x and make an appointment, ask for advice, aggressively throw out the device, or run screaming naked down the hall! I could also engage in a positive, alternative behavior.
Most often, I can either find an answer on the internet or I can find someone to help me. Frequently it is cost effective to hire someone. If it is a problem with a small, inexpensive device I may be better off just purchasing a new one.
There are times when it is not an option to buy a new device or to take it to someone for help/repair. In that case, I may just need to use this an opportunity to practice “letting it go.” This may be uncomfortable, but it could result in long-term benefit of getting caught in this trap less often.
Written January 22, 2016
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