A key tag, a white booklet and a hug
At least once or twice a week I attend a 12 step meeting. On Friday nights, unless I have another important commitment I attend an open Narcotic Anonymous meeting. At those meetings, there is a welcome and then some readings to introduce the program and to remind everyone of the philosophy of the program. Following that there is an invitation for those new to the program – those new to the decision to want to stop using – to come to the front of the room to introduce themselves and get a welcome key tag, a while booklet and a hug. If one or more people come up to collect these welcome gifts there is a thunderous applause. Usually there are also some “old timers” who will line up to give the newcomer more welcome hugs and good wishes.
The white booklet is an introduction to Narcotics Anonymous. It contains the basics of the program including the steps of recovery and the traditions of how the program works.
At NA meetings, the standard greeting for all attendees is a hug. At other 12 step meetings one will notice that folks are a little more reserved. They all use the same basic 12 steps and they all have only one requirement for membership – the desire to stop using. Some people are appreciative of a the more reserved - less effusive and less touching – atmosphere of some 12 step meetings. That may be largely a personal preference although, in the beginning, most coming to a 12 step meeting have been used to some physical and emotional distance from friends and family. In fact, by the time most people make it to a 12 step meeting or some other program of recovery most of their friends and family members are pretty angry and frustrated with their addictive behavior which has frequently included lying, stealing, conning, manipulating and other unattractive behavior.
At the 12 step meeting of one’s need/choice one is not going to be judged because all the recovering attendees understand the depth of depravity which satisfying the addiction has demanded of the individuals – the extent to which the addition steals one’s ability to behave in a way which is consistent with core values.
Often if an addicted person uses a professional treatment program in addition to some self-help group (There are a number of different ones which are available in larger geographical area or which can be accessed by via the internet or the phone.) they will discover that many of the staff have a history of addiction and recovery. When staff do not have a history of addiction and recovery it is helpful if they been in therapy or worked some steps of spiritual growth. Some graduate programs require that those entering the helping field see a counselor or a psychiatrist to identify and work a program of emotional growth although this is not always true. I was not required to do that in graduate school, but I did attend a substance abuse/addiction residential, long term training program which did require intensive personal therapy. Personally, I think the clinician needs to have a solid experience of doing what they are asking/recommending that clients do.
The basic message of the welcome key tag, white booklet, hug and the welcome applause (it is said by some that the clap originated as a long distance hug.) is that there is a real person still present; that the addiction has hidden that person of worth; that as one lets go of the active addiction one has a right to be loved and to be accepted as a respected, contributing, valued member of the community. The core message is different than what many have from religious leaders. Many have “heard” from religious leaders that the core of our humanness is that we are bad/sinners. The 12 step welcome says that the core of who we are is a valued, sacred person – that the addiction and addictive behavior keeps us from being who we really are. Many of those in recovery or who come to a recovery program report that even as a small child they did not feel a part of – as if they belonged anywhere – but in the 12 step programs of recovery for the first time they feel at home. As they stay in recovery they may discover that they are able to make friends with or come to accept who they are. One does not, of course, have to be a homogenized version of a person to be loved and accepted. They can be the unique human being that has much in common with others. They can be loved for both their uniqueness and their commonality.
Few churches I have attended have been as welcoming as 12 step meetings. Thankfully there are exceptions. My friend Monsignor Kevin Quirk is an exception. I think of Pope Francis as an exception. I could imagine sharing a bear hug with him as I could with the Dali Lama.
I suspect that we all have a lot of learn from the 12 step program that welcomes one with a symbol such as a key tag (something tangible to hold on to) a booklet explaining why one is lovable and how to reclaim oneself, and a hug. There are many roads to spiritual and emotional growth (which may not be the same as being a grown up!) but they all need to help one reclaim one’s sacred humanness. They all need to say welcome home with a version of a key tag, a white booklet and a hug.
Written September 16, 2017
At least once or twice a week I attend a 12 step meeting. On Friday nights, unless I have another important commitment I attend an open Narcotic Anonymous meeting. At those meetings, there is a welcome and then some readings to introduce the program and to remind everyone of the philosophy of the program. Following that there is an invitation for those new to the program – those new to the decision to want to stop using – to come to the front of the room to introduce themselves and get a welcome key tag, a while booklet and a hug. If one or more people come up to collect these welcome gifts there is a thunderous applause. Usually there are also some “old timers” who will line up to give the newcomer more welcome hugs and good wishes.
The white booklet is an introduction to Narcotics Anonymous. It contains the basics of the program including the steps of recovery and the traditions of how the program works.
At NA meetings, the standard greeting for all attendees is a hug. At other 12 step meetings one will notice that folks are a little more reserved. They all use the same basic 12 steps and they all have only one requirement for membership – the desire to stop using. Some people are appreciative of a the more reserved - less effusive and less touching – atmosphere of some 12 step meetings. That may be largely a personal preference although, in the beginning, most coming to a 12 step meeting have been used to some physical and emotional distance from friends and family. In fact, by the time most people make it to a 12 step meeting or some other program of recovery most of their friends and family members are pretty angry and frustrated with their addictive behavior which has frequently included lying, stealing, conning, manipulating and other unattractive behavior.
At the 12 step meeting of one’s need/choice one is not going to be judged because all the recovering attendees understand the depth of depravity which satisfying the addiction has demanded of the individuals – the extent to which the addition steals one’s ability to behave in a way which is consistent with core values.
Often if an addicted person uses a professional treatment program in addition to some self-help group (There are a number of different ones which are available in larger geographical area or which can be accessed by via the internet or the phone.) they will discover that many of the staff have a history of addiction and recovery. When staff do not have a history of addiction and recovery it is helpful if they been in therapy or worked some steps of spiritual growth. Some graduate programs require that those entering the helping field see a counselor or a psychiatrist to identify and work a program of emotional growth although this is not always true. I was not required to do that in graduate school, but I did attend a substance abuse/addiction residential, long term training program which did require intensive personal therapy. Personally, I think the clinician needs to have a solid experience of doing what they are asking/recommending that clients do.
The basic message of the welcome key tag, white booklet, hug and the welcome applause (it is said by some that the clap originated as a long distance hug.) is that there is a real person still present; that the addiction has hidden that person of worth; that as one lets go of the active addiction one has a right to be loved and to be accepted as a respected, contributing, valued member of the community. The core message is different than what many have from religious leaders. Many have “heard” from religious leaders that the core of our humanness is that we are bad/sinners. The 12 step welcome says that the core of who we are is a valued, sacred person – that the addiction and addictive behavior keeps us from being who we really are. Many of those in recovery or who come to a recovery program report that even as a small child they did not feel a part of – as if they belonged anywhere – but in the 12 step programs of recovery for the first time they feel at home. As they stay in recovery they may discover that they are able to make friends with or come to accept who they are. One does not, of course, have to be a homogenized version of a person to be loved and accepted. They can be the unique human being that has much in common with others. They can be loved for both their uniqueness and their commonality.
Few churches I have attended have been as welcoming as 12 step meetings. Thankfully there are exceptions. My friend Monsignor Kevin Quirk is an exception. I think of Pope Francis as an exception. I could imagine sharing a bear hug with him as I could with the Dali Lama.
I suspect that we all have a lot of learn from the 12 step program that welcomes one with a symbol such as a key tag (something tangible to hold on to) a booklet explaining why one is lovable and how to reclaim oneself, and a hug. There are many roads to spiritual and emotional growth (which may not be the same as being a grown up!) but they all need to help one reclaim one’s sacred humanness. They all need to say welcome home with a version of a key tag, a white booklet and a hug.
Written September 16, 2017
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