A lifetime of “What ifs”!
Some of us learned early on that one should devote a significant portion of our daily energy to worrying about or anticipating potential negative events. Concerns about the future could be categorized as:
All of us could add to this list until there was a book of many thousands of pages, but I am sure each reader has already begun to add their personal favorites to these lists. The point is that we can all waste an enormous amount of energy anticipating potential negative events. Some of the negative events will indeed occur. Some of them will not. When negative events do occur we either handle them in a direct and responsible manner or we do all we can to avoid dealing with them. Eventually, if we keep living we have to either deal with the situation when it occurs or with the results of pretending as if l we could just put off dealing with it. Some ways of avoiding the situation may be more harmful than others, but avoiding generally compounded the negatives.
If we are lucky, most of us learn that when we deal with life on life’s terms as each event unfolded we do just fine. We might be uncomfortable, sad, frightened or otherwise upset but we survive and do not create new garbage. In some cases, we might suffer some negative consequences such as the bully giving us a broken nose, but even that will heal.
Focusing on the “what ifs” also prevents us from enjoying the positive events of the moment. If we are busy living in the future we cannot be present in the moment. Our life experience becomes one of fear and mental preparation for the future. How does one prepare for uncertain events of the future? One does that by focusing on taking care of oneself emotionally, spiritually and physically whatever that might mean for a particular individual or family. If one’s “what ifs” concern money than one will take the steps one needs to earn enough money to have enough for a rainy day. If one needs to learn to manage money more effectively one will get the help one needs. If one needs help changing the relationship with old lies one has internalized or generalized anxiety than one hires someone who is skilled in that area..
It does help to practice the serenity prayers. If, however, one has difficulty separating what one can control from what one cannot control then one may seek psychological or spiritual guidance.
The bottom line is that we can all learn to practice living in the moment; enjoying many positives and dealing with the negatives as they arise. We all have the strength to live this way no matter what we have been told in the past. If we need a coach or a therapist to help us claim that strength there are many available in person or via the internet.
Written December 17, 2018
Some of us learned early on that one should devote a significant portion of our daily energy to worrying about or anticipating potential negative events. Concerns about the future could be categorized as:
- Personal:
- What if I get bullied at school?
- What if I make my parents angry?
- What if I do poorly in school?
- What is I embarrass my parengt by allowing someone to hear me crying when that parent is beating me?
- What is I embarrass my parents by allowing others to know we are poor?
- What is I never grow taller?
- Local:
- What if the well runs dry?
- What if the crops do not do well?
- What if there is a fire?
- What if there is no money for food?
- What if those persons get elected as major, sheriff, or some other position.
- National:
- What if so and so gets elected to President?
- What if we are not prepared for war?
- What if there is another financial depression.
- What if those people do not behave?
- International:
- What if there is another Hitler?
- What if another country bombs the United States?
All of us could add to this list until there was a book of many thousands of pages, but I am sure each reader has already begun to add their personal favorites to these lists. The point is that we can all waste an enormous amount of energy anticipating potential negative events. Some of the negative events will indeed occur. Some of them will not. When negative events do occur we either handle them in a direct and responsible manner or we do all we can to avoid dealing with them. Eventually, if we keep living we have to either deal with the situation when it occurs or with the results of pretending as if l we could just put off dealing with it. Some ways of avoiding the situation may be more harmful than others, but avoiding generally compounded the negatives.
If we are lucky, most of us learn that when we deal with life on life’s terms as each event unfolded we do just fine. We might be uncomfortable, sad, frightened or otherwise upset but we survive and do not create new garbage. In some cases, we might suffer some negative consequences such as the bully giving us a broken nose, but even that will heal.
Focusing on the “what ifs” also prevents us from enjoying the positive events of the moment. If we are busy living in the future we cannot be present in the moment. Our life experience becomes one of fear and mental preparation for the future. How does one prepare for uncertain events of the future? One does that by focusing on taking care of oneself emotionally, spiritually and physically whatever that might mean for a particular individual or family. If one’s “what ifs” concern money than one will take the steps one needs to earn enough money to have enough for a rainy day. If one needs to learn to manage money more effectively one will get the help one needs. If one needs help changing the relationship with old lies one has internalized or generalized anxiety than one hires someone who is skilled in that area..
It does help to practice the serenity prayers. If, however, one has difficulty separating what one can control from what one cannot control then one may seek psychological or spiritual guidance.
The bottom line is that we can all learn to practice living in the moment; enjoying many positives and dealing with the negatives as they arise. We all have the strength to live this way no matter what we have been told in the past. If we need a coach or a therapist to help us claim that strength there are many available in person or via the internet.
Written December 17, 2018
RSS Feed