A sacred relationship

​A sacred relationship
 
The relationship between health care providers and patients/clients has always been a sacred on.   Shamans, priests, other clergy, midwives and other village designated care takers have always been a neighbor, friend and honored as physical, emotional and spiritual healers.  In more modern times there is often not a common history and thus, the relationship between provider and client/patient can become impersonal.  It can still be a sacred partnership, but only if the providers and the clients/patients are intentional about  remembering:
 

• Health care providers are the employee not the employer. We cannot hire and fire patients/clients.   
• Patients/clients and health care providers are committing to a very intimate relationship.  The nature of the relationship is primary.
• Decisions needs to be shared and agreed upon by both the health care provider and the patient/client.  Decisions are not to be dictated by either the employer or the employee.
• A health care provider may not have the expertise needed  by a patient/client but can share responsibility for helping a person find that expertise.
• A health care provider cannot  be a competent employee if they do not take care of themselves.
• A passive or silent employer is not fulfilling their part of the relationship agreement. If an employer (client/patient) has a difficult time speaking up then they need to take an advocate with them.
• Anger may be understandable emotion at times but dumping anger on another is not helpful or kind.
• First and foremost in any interaction between one or more humans it is a relationship between two humans.   Always  begin the relationship by respectfully and genuinely greeting the other person by name. If the employer (patient, client) or the employee (health care provider) refuses to do this it cannot be a healthy or helpful relationship. 
• If one is mistreated by a health care provider and the health care provider refuses to apologize or take responsibility then one may need to terminate the relationship. If the health care provider apologizes and says they are having a tough day the employer needs to accept that apology. If, however, this is a regular occurrence then one may need to report the provider to their local supervisory or licensing board.
• If the employer is simply exhibiting symptoms of their presenting illness or distress than the employee needs to be trained to work with those symptoms.  Safety does, however, need to be maintained for all involved.
• The employee needs to insist that the provider take the time needed to listen to the concerns of the employer while also being respectful of the fact that other patients/clients may be waiting.  It can be very helpful if the patient/client has two copies of a short list of concerns which need to be addressed during the time together.  One copy is given to the provider at the beginning of the appointment.  If the health care provider consistently overbooks then, if possible, hire another health care provider.  In rural communities this may present a difficulty although with the increase in telemedicine more options are becoming available.
• Before instigating a lawsuit or filing an ethics complain options  such as addressing the issues with the provider need to be explored.  Mediation may at times be an option.  If necessary one can take a responsible, respectful, assertive advocate with them to a meeting with a health care provider.
• Before quitting one’s job as employee one needs to attempt to resolve relationship issues with the patient/client/employer.
• Health care providers and clients/patients need active listening skills with each other just as they do in all relationships.   Thinking about one’s response rather than listening is not helpful.
• Symptoms may lead one toward a diagnosis but are not the diagnosis.  For example an angry client/patient may be addicted, recovering from a trauma, have a brain tumor or some other physical malfunction which adversely affects the ability to process incoming stimuli without becoming overwhelmed.   An angry patient/client very often may be frightened.  The goal of the health care provider needs to be empathy without accepting an invitation to balance the system by also becoming angry.

 
It is my experience that the more we are able to focus on treating all relationships as sacred/worthy of our time and attention the more effective two or more people will be in accomplishing a task without creating or leaving behind emotional garbage.  This is a journey and not a destination.  We are never going to be perfect but we can get more comfortable  with and accepting of each other’s humanness.
 
Written August 20, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org