Am I privileged?
I have frequently heard comments or seen letters to the editor in various newspapers of people who take umbrage at being labeled as privileged. Usually these comments or letters are by Caucasian, U. S. born people who have worked very hard to establish a decent life for themselves and their families. One such letter was a letter to the editor in the April 9, 2016 Tampa Tribune by James Green. On April 13th there were three letters in Your Views expressing gratitude to Mr. Green for his letter. Later I read a June 23, 2015 article in The Huffington Post by Shayne Hughes, President, Lead Culture Change Partner of Learning as Leadership.
It seems the word privilege has become, for many, a very emotionally-charged word. The Oxford Dictionary defines the word privilege as:
Noun
· A special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available to a particular person or group; education is a right, not an advantage.
· Something regarded as a special honour.
· Especially in a parliamentary context the right to say or write something without the risk of incurring punishment or legal action.
· The right of a lawyer or official to refuse to divulge confidential information.
Verb
· Grant a privilege or privileges to … .
· Exempt someone from a liability or obligation to which others are subject.
The origin of the word is the Latin word privilegium meaning a bill or law affecting an individual.
It seems that many hear the word or label as discounting of the hard work they have done to attain financial, social or emotional stability.
Mr. Hughes suggests:
“Calling me privileged implies I didn’t earn what I’ve created. That it was easy for me. That’s not my experience. I got where I am with blood, sweat and tears. Telling me otherwise (especially with a charged word like ‘privilege’) just makes me defensive. I don’t want to appear elitist, arrogant, selfish, or like an exploiter. Combine it with “white privilege” and I’m a quasi-bigot.
Except that’s not what women and people of color are talking about.
We are talking past each other
The real issue is one of obstacles. Moving up the socioeconomic ladder in America involves leaping over certain hurdles:…”
Point well taken. Everyone I know has faced certain hurdles during their life journey. Those hurdles might have been emotional, mental, intellectual, racism, sexism or other prejudices, financial cultural, language, mental or physical limitations or challenges, or lack of parental/elder support.
The hurdles or obstacles may be multiple. Some of them keep us from “jumping” over other hurdles. Depending on the nature of our emotional and mental hurdles and our parental/elder support we may or may not be able to perceive or jump over the next hurdle. Yet, I suspect that we have all heard the story of the individual who has faced and overcome a multitude of seemingly impenetrable hurdles. Sonia Sotomayor, the Supreme Court Justice, for example, overcame the hurdles of her father’s sad alcoholism, the inability of her mother to be present while working the afternoon shift, childhood diabetes requiring her to learn to give herself shots at 8 years old, and life in the projects surrounded by drug abuse, despair or other depressive influences. Why were she and her brother who became a doctor able to overcome so many obstacles? It helped that there was some extended family support of strong women, a rich cultural heritage, and a powerful; intellect. Yet, there are those with the same gifts who are not able to overcome such hurdles. Nothing in my clinical psychology education has offered an adequate explanation.
Sometimes, it is easy to identify the factors which allows one of us to overcome hurdles. Often it is not.
Perhaps the term privilege or some other less emotionally charged term could encompass such factor as fate, inherited genetic memories or other factors, the theoretical framework of past lives and spiritual progress or other yet to be identified factors.
I strongly agree with Mr. Hughes that attempting to make one feel guilty or to discredit one’s hard work is not likely to lead to a culture in which we work together to take care of each other rather than criticizing each other. I also strongly agree with the advice he offers:
“Be the starting point of dialogue, not diversion:
• Notice how you get defensive. When we feel criticized, accused or devalued, we lash out, typically in ways that cause others to feel mistreated. Defending your position creates no progress.
• Actively seek out what you don’t know you don’t know. It’s not your fault you didn’t encounter certain obstacles. Be grateful. But also be curious about the challenges that people not like you had to overcome.
• Embrace your own obstacles. When I look back at my life, my most meaningful accomplishments were my most difficult obstacles. I can feel jealous that others had fewer, or I can embrace the growth that my next obstacle is offering me.
• Expand your empathy. Suffering and difficulty aren’t a competition (neither is success, by the way). Acknowledging what others have gone through can inspire our own courage and commitment to growth.
• Focus your energy on obstacle busting. For both yourself and others, acknowledge the vulnerability we feel when we face a daunting challenge. Create a context where people feel safe and inspired to go for broke.
Beyond our own social mobility, one of the greatest “privileges” (and responsibilities) of having fewer obstacles is empowering people who have many. Let’s get to it.”
As readers of my blogs or anyone who has spent much time with me knows, I tend to use the word blessed a lot. It seems to me that if I keep focused on all the ways I am blessed I am:
· Not likely to get defensive about my lack of certain obstacles and focus on being grateful without the need to assert that I am better or stronger than.
· More likely to be open to learning about how the obstacles or combination of obstacles make it difficult for others.
· Feel good, but not superior, about overcoming the obstacles I have and may overcome in the future. I do not need to compare myself to others or compare others to myself.
· Blessed to be able to overcome certain obstacles but have no idea what it is like to walk in the shoes of or live in the head of another. After many years of experience, study and with all the advances in our knowledge about the brain what causes factors to control or direct the neurons and synapses in our brain to formulate a certain thought which then leads to action is still a mystery.
· Able to focus on problem solving rather than anger and punishing others for not thinking and acting like me. Much of our judicial system or approach to those who, for various reasons are unable to overcome obstacles and create a positive life for themselves is based on our anger, judgmentalness and subsequent punishment. We know that does not change behavior in a positive direction.
I am increasingly aware of when I am getting defensive. It is my goal to be non-judgmental, to notice that reaction, and to then be intentional about focusing on the recommendations of Mr. Hughes.
Certainly if a word or terms keeps interfering with who we are and who we are becoming, let’s use a different term if possible. The term is not important. Insisting that others “get over it” may be another obstacle to problem solving. For me, the term blessings communicate something different than the term privilege. Some other term might be more effective for others.
Written April 13, 2016
I have frequently heard comments or seen letters to the editor in various newspapers of people who take umbrage at being labeled as privileged. Usually these comments or letters are by Caucasian, U. S. born people who have worked very hard to establish a decent life for themselves and their families. One such letter was a letter to the editor in the April 9, 2016 Tampa Tribune by James Green. On April 13th there were three letters in Your Views expressing gratitude to Mr. Green for his letter. Later I read a June 23, 2015 article in The Huffington Post by Shayne Hughes, President, Lead Culture Change Partner of Learning as Leadership.
It seems the word privilege has become, for many, a very emotionally-charged word. The Oxford Dictionary defines the word privilege as:
Noun
· A special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available to a particular person or group; education is a right, not an advantage.
· Something regarded as a special honour.
· Especially in a parliamentary context the right to say or write something without the risk of incurring punishment or legal action.
· The right of a lawyer or official to refuse to divulge confidential information.
Verb
· Grant a privilege or privileges to … .
· Exempt someone from a liability or obligation to which others are subject.
The origin of the word is the Latin word privilegium meaning a bill or law affecting an individual.
It seems that many hear the word or label as discounting of the hard work they have done to attain financial, social or emotional stability.
Mr. Hughes suggests:
“Calling me privileged implies I didn’t earn what I’ve created. That it was easy for me. That’s not my experience. I got where I am with blood, sweat and tears. Telling me otherwise (especially with a charged word like ‘privilege’) just makes me defensive. I don’t want to appear elitist, arrogant, selfish, or like an exploiter. Combine it with “white privilege” and I’m a quasi-bigot.
Except that’s not what women and people of color are talking about.
We are talking past each other
The real issue is one of obstacles. Moving up the socioeconomic ladder in America involves leaping over certain hurdles:…”
Point well taken. Everyone I know has faced certain hurdles during their life journey. Those hurdles might have been emotional, mental, intellectual, racism, sexism or other prejudices, financial cultural, language, mental or physical limitations or challenges, or lack of parental/elder support.
The hurdles or obstacles may be multiple. Some of them keep us from “jumping” over other hurdles. Depending on the nature of our emotional and mental hurdles and our parental/elder support we may or may not be able to perceive or jump over the next hurdle. Yet, I suspect that we have all heard the story of the individual who has faced and overcome a multitude of seemingly impenetrable hurdles. Sonia Sotomayor, the Supreme Court Justice, for example, overcame the hurdles of her father’s sad alcoholism, the inability of her mother to be present while working the afternoon shift, childhood diabetes requiring her to learn to give herself shots at 8 years old, and life in the projects surrounded by drug abuse, despair or other depressive influences. Why were she and her brother who became a doctor able to overcome so many obstacles? It helped that there was some extended family support of strong women, a rich cultural heritage, and a powerful; intellect. Yet, there are those with the same gifts who are not able to overcome such hurdles. Nothing in my clinical psychology education has offered an adequate explanation.
Sometimes, it is easy to identify the factors which allows one of us to overcome hurdles. Often it is not.
Perhaps the term privilege or some other less emotionally charged term could encompass such factor as fate, inherited genetic memories or other factors, the theoretical framework of past lives and spiritual progress or other yet to be identified factors.
I strongly agree with Mr. Hughes that attempting to make one feel guilty or to discredit one’s hard work is not likely to lead to a culture in which we work together to take care of each other rather than criticizing each other. I also strongly agree with the advice he offers:
“Be the starting point of dialogue, not diversion:
• Notice how you get defensive. When we feel criticized, accused or devalued, we lash out, typically in ways that cause others to feel mistreated. Defending your position creates no progress.
• Actively seek out what you don’t know you don’t know. It’s not your fault you didn’t encounter certain obstacles. Be grateful. But also be curious about the challenges that people not like you had to overcome.
• Embrace your own obstacles. When I look back at my life, my most meaningful accomplishments were my most difficult obstacles. I can feel jealous that others had fewer, or I can embrace the growth that my next obstacle is offering me.
• Expand your empathy. Suffering and difficulty aren’t a competition (neither is success, by the way). Acknowledging what others have gone through can inspire our own courage and commitment to growth.
• Focus your energy on obstacle busting. For both yourself and others, acknowledge the vulnerability we feel when we face a daunting challenge. Create a context where people feel safe and inspired to go for broke.
Beyond our own social mobility, one of the greatest “privileges” (and responsibilities) of having fewer obstacles is empowering people who have many. Let’s get to it.”
As readers of my blogs or anyone who has spent much time with me knows, I tend to use the word blessed a lot. It seems to me that if I keep focused on all the ways I am blessed I am:
· Not likely to get defensive about my lack of certain obstacles and focus on being grateful without the need to assert that I am better or stronger than.
· More likely to be open to learning about how the obstacles or combination of obstacles make it difficult for others.
· Feel good, but not superior, about overcoming the obstacles I have and may overcome in the future. I do not need to compare myself to others or compare others to myself.
· Blessed to be able to overcome certain obstacles but have no idea what it is like to walk in the shoes of or live in the head of another. After many years of experience, study and with all the advances in our knowledge about the brain what causes factors to control or direct the neurons and synapses in our brain to formulate a certain thought which then leads to action is still a mystery.
· Able to focus on problem solving rather than anger and punishing others for not thinking and acting like me. Much of our judicial system or approach to those who, for various reasons are unable to overcome obstacles and create a positive life for themselves is based on our anger, judgmentalness and subsequent punishment. We know that does not change behavior in a positive direction.
I am increasingly aware of when I am getting defensive. It is my goal to be non-judgmental, to notice that reaction, and to then be intentional about focusing on the recommendations of Mr. Hughes.
Certainly if a word or terms keeps interfering with who we are and who we are becoming, let’s use a different term if possible. The term is not important. Insisting that others “get over it” may be another obstacle to problem solving. For me, the term blessings communicate something different than the term privilege. Some other term might be more effective for others.
Written April 13, 2016
RSS Feed