Anger
Anger is a common emotion for most of us. We tend to get angry with other people, events or things, which do not behave, in a way we want or expect them to behave. Frequently, anger is a stage in grief. Anger may be directed at ourselves. We may play the “if only” or “should” tapes over and over in our heads.
We are taught very early if we behave in a certain way we will be rewarded. Many people have just celebrated Christmas. For weeks prior to Christmas children were told that Santa was keeping a list and he would use that list to determine what, if any, gifts a child should get. By the time we get to school we are usually given grades and rewarded for positive grades. We are soon told that good grades lead to the right college, the right career, money, the ability to care for a family and many other rewards. When we begin to realize this is not always true we may experience anger.
Depending on our relationship with anger, it will either motivate us to seek revenge on the person/institutions, which failed us, or to work hard to prevent future tragedy or failure. We may get angry with ourselves for not doing our homework and begin to work harder. Anger can be a motivating force to seek help for depression, anxiety, addiction or some other illness. At times, anger is the emotion, which pushes someone to relearn to walk, following an illness or an injury.
When we notice ourselves being angry we can either feed it or we can begin a dialogue at it. If we decide to begin a dialogue with it we can ask, “What is your purpose anger?” Anger may respond with one of the following responses:
Depending on which response the anger gives one, one can then decide what directions one wants to give the anger. One may first need to ask another part of oneself, “What is my spiritual or long term goal? What legacy do I want to leave? What is under my control? What might a loving goal be?”
For many of us these are difficult questions to answer. We may not feel ready to ask any of these questions. We may feel as if we just want to continue to exercise option 1 and exercise our right to be angry.
In the long run the dialogue will help us practice honesty with ourselves. Then, with love, we can see if our relationship with anger and our spiritual goals are aligned with our core values. This, of course, is a process and does not just happen. We will need to be patient with this process.
Written December 26, 2017
Anger is a common emotion for most of us. We tend to get angry with other people, events or things, which do not behave, in a way we want or expect them to behave. Frequently, anger is a stage in grief. Anger may be directed at ourselves. We may play the “if only” or “should” tapes over and over in our heads.
We are taught very early if we behave in a certain way we will be rewarded. Many people have just celebrated Christmas. For weeks prior to Christmas children were told that Santa was keeping a list and he would use that list to determine what, if any, gifts a child should get. By the time we get to school we are usually given grades and rewarded for positive grades. We are soon told that good grades lead to the right college, the right career, money, the ability to care for a family and many other rewards. When we begin to realize this is not always true we may experience anger.
Depending on our relationship with anger, it will either motivate us to seek revenge on the person/institutions, which failed us, or to work hard to prevent future tragedy or failure. We may get angry with ourselves for not doing our homework and begin to work harder. Anger can be a motivating force to seek help for depression, anxiety, addiction or some other illness. At times, anger is the emotion, which pushes someone to relearn to walk, following an illness or an injury.
When we notice ourselves being angry we can either feed it or we can begin a dialogue at it. If we decide to begin a dialogue with it we can ask, “What is your purpose anger?” Anger may respond with one of the following responses:
- “My purpose is to just to tell the world that I have a right to express myself because an event or action was wrong.” In this case the anger is feeding itself.
- “My purpose is to seek revenge - to make someone pay for this wrong/miscarriage of justice.”
- “My purpose is to help make changes so that this event is less likely to happen in the future.” Some may then raise money for research to cure or treat a disease, to reduce gun violence, or to reduce destruction from a natural disaster.
- “My purpose is to help a person function until they can accept what happened and move forward with their life.”
Depending on which response the anger gives one, one can then decide what directions one wants to give the anger. One may first need to ask another part of oneself, “What is my spiritual or long term goal? What legacy do I want to leave? What is under my control? What might a loving goal be?”
For many of us these are difficult questions to answer. We may not feel ready to ask any of these questions. We may feel as if we just want to continue to exercise option 1 and exercise our right to be angry.
In the long run the dialogue will help us practice honesty with ourselves. Then, with love, we can see if our relationship with anger and our spiritual goals are aligned with our core values. This, of course, is a process and does not just happen. We will need to be patient with this process.
Written December 26, 2017
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