Anger. Constructive or destructive?
Anger has many purposes including:
Obviously, the initial feeling of anger can be very positive. Whether we name it outrage or anger it seems appropriate to be angry about mistreatment of others, destruction of the environment, action which will lead to war/conflict, not being able to control some person or event which is very important. I always ask myself when I “notice” that I am feeling anger:
It is, as some such as Ryan Martin suggest in his Ted talk “Why we get mad and why it is healthy” often a sign of health to notice something which is hurtful to self, others or the community. From an evolutionary standpoint anger has often resulted in some of the most creative advances in how we take care of ourselves. It is also responsible for most of the progress in social injustice. Yet anger alone does not solve any problems. It is merely an alert that an issue needs addressed If we just stick with anger we will have multiplied the problem or situation. We need an action plan which is based on what is realistic and what is consistent with our long-term goals. We also need a plan which is consistent with our core values
If the underlying problem is fear or anxiety I need to decide the relationship one wants with fear or anxiety. If the problem is powerlessness I may need to focus on acceptance or surrender. If the goal of the anger is revenge I may want to explore the long-term consequences of all people seeking revenge for a real or perceived injustice. Do we really want to act as if we are better than; less capable of hurtful or rash behavior?
If one is at a stage of just needing to express the anger/to verbally vomit one can insure that one does not do it on someone. On the other hand, we may have a friend or even a therapist who agrees to accept our verbal vomit as long as it is clear that is what it is and no action is needed.
We all get angry. It can be used constructively at times or it can be very destructive. I am not convinced anyone benefits from more destructive behavior in the world.
Written July 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett, org
Anger has many purposes including:
- Calling attention to something unjust or unacceptable.
- Causing one to stop and think about what is happening.
- Masking other emotions such as grief, frustration or exhaustion.
- Blaming other people, places or things rather than accepting responsibility.
- Wanting someone to hurt as badly as we do.
- Verbal vomiting.
- Expression of pain.
- Expression of worry.
- Expression of concern about not having control over another person, traffic, weather or whatever.
Obviously, the initial feeling of anger can be very positive. Whether we name it outrage or anger it seems appropriate to be angry about mistreatment of others, destruction of the environment, action which will lead to war/conflict, not being able to control some person or event which is very important. I always ask myself when I “notice” that I am feeling anger:
- What is the purpose of my anger or what purpose would I like it to serve?
- Is that purpose consistent with my values?
- Is the anger destructive of my health?
- Do I need to accept a situation or do what I can to change it?
- Will the action I take cause more or less harm than the person or event which initiated my response?
- Is my anger related to my being hungry, tired, or lonely (having empty gas tanks)? Empty gas tanks change how my brain processes incoming stimuli?
- Is my anger a shield for the fear of intimacy or allowing others to know me?
- Is my anger related to the onset of a medical condition including brain tumors, thyroid dysfunction, depression or some other condition which can be diagnosed or treated?
It is, as some such as Ryan Martin suggest in his Ted talk “Why we get mad and why it is healthy” often a sign of health to notice something which is hurtful to self, others or the community. From an evolutionary standpoint anger has often resulted in some of the most creative advances in how we take care of ourselves. It is also responsible for most of the progress in social injustice. Yet anger alone does not solve any problems. It is merely an alert that an issue needs addressed If we just stick with anger we will have multiplied the problem or situation. We need an action plan which is based on what is realistic and what is consistent with our long-term goals. We also need a plan which is consistent with our core values
If the underlying problem is fear or anxiety I need to decide the relationship one wants with fear or anxiety. If the problem is powerlessness I may need to focus on acceptance or surrender. If the goal of the anger is revenge I may want to explore the long-term consequences of all people seeking revenge for a real or perceived injustice. Do we really want to act as if we are better than; less capable of hurtful or rash behavior?
If one is at a stage of just needing to express the anger/to verbally vomit one can insure that one does not do it on someone. On the other hand, we may have a friend or even a therapist who agrees to accept our verbal vomit as long as it is clear that is what it is and no action is needed.
We all get angry. It can be used constructively at times or it can be very destructive. I am not convinced anyone benefits from more destructive behavior in the world.
Written July 9, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett, org
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