Anger – Step 10
Step 10 of the 12 step programs sounds as if it would be very easy. After all, prior to step 10 one has done all the work of cleaning out all the garbage bags or closets in one’s mind which were weighed one down with guilt, shame, disconnection, loneliness, and a general sense of dis ease. With regard to anger one had disconnected from many others and often from one’s own emotions – fear, sadness, joy, loneliness, and grief among others. Surely, one would never again willingly want to feel the weight of the affects of anger for longer than it takes to admit when one was wrong and to promptly make amends. Of course one also wants to quit the habit of blaming other people, places and things for not measuring up to one’s expectations.
The 10th step is simply: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” In other words all that is required with regards to anger is set aside time to honestly notice when one is angry and to ask oneself the purpose of one’s anger. If one has dumped one’s anger on another person (s), one can quickly make amends. One can also then examine the reasons for make the choice to return to the use of anger. Some possibilities are:
The last is one of the most common. Time and again I head others say that as soon as they started feeling better that they quit taking care of themselves. The addict quit calling their sponsor, quit writing on the steps, quit going to meetings, quit chatting with the God of their understanding, quit exercising, quit making healthy decisions about nutritional intake, and quit spending time with family or other healthy friends. In other words they allowed life to take over and pretended as if they were a robot for which one could just order new parts.
My experience is that I have to be daily committed to taking care of myself, which includes daily working towards being the person I want to be. I am either feeding my mind of body the food of the general culture – television and radio ads, internet ads, and billboards which constantly assure one that there is a softer, easier way or that success is about making money, having status, or buying the brand name of something.
If I want to continue to make choices other than anger and/or to quickly notice when I am angry and take healthy action, I have to daily be intentional about all aspects of my care. It really is that simple. Sadly, being human, simple does not necessarily equate with easy.
Written March 15, 2018
Step 10 of the 12 step programs sounds as if it would be very easy. After all, prior to step 10 one has done all the work of cleaning out all the garbage bags or closets in one’s mind which were weighed one down with guilt, shame, disconnection, loneliness, and a general sense of dis ease. With regard to anger one had disconnected from many others and often from one’s own emotions – fear, sadness, joy, loneliness, and grief among others. Surely, one would never again willingly want to feel the weight of the affects of anger for longer than it takes to admit when one was wrong and to promptly make amends. Of course one also wants to quit the habit of blaming other people, places and things for not measuring up to one’s expectations.
The 10th step is simply: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” In other words all that is required with regards to anger is set aside time to honestly notice when one is angry and to ask oneself the purpose of one’s anger. If one has dumped one’s anger on another person (s), one can quickly make amends. One can also then examine the reasons for make the choice to return to the use of anger. Some possibilities are:
- Allowing fear of vulnerability or others seeing one’s vulnerability to make one’s decisions.
- Fearful that others do not know that one is human and made a mistake or is struggling and, thus, cannot be loved or respected.
- Knowledge that one is not doing what one needs to do to practice new habits of thinking and behavior on a daily basis.
- One is out of energy because of HALT (low gas tanks – emotional, spiritual, physical, nutritional) and cannot process incoming stimuli. Anger is meant to push away incoming stimuli.
- One thought one was cured of one’s humanness and no longer needed to daily take care of oneself – complacency or return to thinking/believing one is the center of the universe.
The last is one of the most common. Time and again I head others say that as soon as they started feeling better that they quit taking care of themselves. The addict quit calling their sponsor, quit writing on the steps, quit going to meetings, quit chatting with the God of their understanding, quit exercising, quit making healthy decisions about nutritional intake, and quit spending time with family or other healthy friends. In other words they allowed life to take over and pretended as if they were a robot for which one could just order new parts.
My experience is that I have to be daily committed to taking care of myself, which includes daily working towards being the person I want to be. I am either feeding my mind of body the food of the general culture – television and radio ads, internet ads, and billboards which constantly assure one that there is a softer, easier way or that success is about making money, having status, or buying the brand name of something.
If I want to continue to make choices other than anger and/or to quickly notice when I am angry and take healthy action, I have to daily be intentional about all aspects of my care. It really is that simple. Sadly, being human, simple does not necessarily equate with easy.
Written March 15, 2018
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