Anger – Step 3
Step 3 of the AA 12-step recovery program sounds pretty simple. It, of course, follows step two where one comes to believe in a power grater than oneself. As I previously discussed, the power greater than oneself can be a sponsor/mentor, therapist, group or a higher being. It is enough to recognize that the data one inputs is going directly to the limbic system and, once there precludes rational thinking/decision making. Step 3 is “Made a decision to turn our will our lives over to the care of God as we understand him.” Many of us will, once again, have an issue with the specific reference to God even though it says, “As we understand him”. It is easy to, once again, imagine an angry, vengeful, controlling super male (notice the use of the masculine pronoun) who should take his Neanderthal self to a long term, intensive anger management class or lots of mind numbing drugs. Really! Let’s rethink this step. One can imagine finding a mentor/sponsor, therapist or even a group who can lovingly help one explore a more rational and loving approach to whatever idea or situation has presented itself. One may not be ready to turn anything over to the care of any sort of God that one can imagine.
It is very important that one substitute whatever word or concept works for one in this step. One might, for example think of that person or group who is going to help one learn to trust that sense of order to which the universe(s) aspires. Anger keeps one on the offensive. It is a reaction – an often-understandable reaction and a very normal stage of coming to terms with certain people or situations. Anger does not, however, allow one to problem solve - to become part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Anger blames, strikes out, punishes and often creates more disorder in the world.
For me, step 3 when I apply it to anger or even other negative emotions or actions, says, “I am willing to be at peace. I am willing to assume my sacred role as an essential part of the universe. I am willing to live in harmony with the rest of creation. Anger will not allow me to do that. True, life is unfair. True, that person or group was unkind or unjust in their treatment of me. True, treating others as sexual objects is hurtful and not acceptable. True, gas chambers are wrong no matter how one justifies them. True, mistreating others or killing them just because they are a different race, culture, gender, sexual orientation or age is not acceptable. Let’s not pretend to be okay with any of those things. On the other hand, anger is self centered, self righteous and not at all concerned with how it affects the rest of the universe(s).”
In my mind when I turn my will and my life over to the care of a universal, interconnected and interdependent order I am now reclaiming my positive role. For me, this step, which is a bridge to the next step, says that I can reach out for help. I can be vulnerable with others when I am struggling. When I am unable to think clearly I can take “good orderly direction”. I can allow others to help me develop a relationship with that part of me which is wise, loving and yearns to be connected to “the God of my understanding”.
Written March 5, 2018
Step 3 of the AA 12-step recovery program sounds pretty simple. It, of course, follows step two where one comes to believe in a power grater than oneself. As I previously discussed, the power greater than oneself can be a sponsor/mentor, therapist, group or a higher being. It is enough to recognize that the data one inputs is going directly to the limbic system and, once there precludes rational thinking/decision making. Step 3 is “Made a decision to turn our will our lives over to the care of God as we understand him.” Many of us will, once again, have an issue with the specific reference to God even though it says, “As we understand him”. It is easy to, once again, imagine an angry, vengeful, controlling super male (notice the use of the masculine pronoun) who should take his Neanderthal self to a long term, intensive anger management class or lots of mind numbing drugs. Really! Let’s rethink this step. One can imagine finding a mentor/sponsor, therapist or even a group who can lovingly help one explore a more rational and loving approach to whatever idea or situation has presented itself. One may not be ready to turn anything over to the care of any sort of God that one can imagine.
It is very important that one substitute whatever word or concept works for one in this step. One might, for example think of that person or group who is going to help one learn to trust that sense of order to which the universe(s) aspires. Anger keeps one on the offensive. It is a reaction – an often-understandable reaction and a very normal stage of coming to terms with certain people or situations. Anger does not, however, allow one to problem solve - to become part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Anger blames, strikes out, punishes and often creates more disorder in the world.
For me, step 3 when I apply it to anger or even other negative emotions or actions, says, “I am willing to be at peace. I am willing to assume my sacred role as an essential part of the universe. I am willing to live in harmony with the rest of creation. Anger will not allow me to do that. True, life is unfair. True, that person or group was unkind or unjust in their treatment of me. True, treating others as sexual objects is hurtful and not acceptable. True, gas chambers are wrong no matter how one justifies them. True, mistreating others or killing them just because they are a different race, culture, gender, sexual orientation or age is not acceptable. Let’s not pretend to be okay with any of those things. On the other hand, anger is self centered, self righteous and not at all concerned with how it affects the rest of the universe(s).”
In my mind when I turn my will and my life over to the care of a universal, interconnected and interdependent order I am now reclaiming my positive role. For me, this step, which is a bridge to the next step, says that I can reach out for help. I can be vulnerable with others when I am struggling. When I am unable to think clearly I can take “good orderly direction”. I can allow others to help me develop a relationship with that part of me which is wise, loving and yearns to be connected to “the God of my understanding”.
Written March 5, 2018
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