Anger - Step 5

​Anger – Step 5
 
Step 5 if the 12-step program for addiction recovery program is “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
 
Some may need to substitute what works for them instead of the word God.  Some will have to just ignore that term. Others will find the term very helpful. Whatever works to allow one to experience this step is just fine.  All authentic sponsors, therapists and spiritual directors will help work the 5th step including any issues one is having with the term God/god.
 
Secondly, many of us have often been shamed or punished for admitting the ways that we have hurt others and ourselves. I have never talked to anyone working a 12-step program that felt shamed by their sponsor or another trusted friend when they shared their fourth step with them.   My understanding is that the goal of the steps is not punishment or shame but healing and change. - To be accountable. If one’s sponsor, therapist or spiritual director shames one then one need to address that issues with them and may need to select another mentor/guide/sponsor.
 
Many of us may, by nature, habit, or fear be very private and, thus, may have a difficult time sharing our 4th step with another person.  One might ask why it is necessary to do step 5.  If one is working a 12-step program for addiction recovery, the sponsor and others in the program will be happy to explain the purpose to you and will direct you to the 12-step material, which explains the nature and purpose of this step. For the rest of us, I suggest that one consider the following benefits:
 

• When one shares with another one can hear both what is being sharing and what one is holding back. One may discover that one needs to talk about the underlying fear of sharing.
• When one shares one’s most closely held and often-shameful secrets one may find that one is defining oneself by one’s worst behavior.  We are all more than our worst behavior.  If you doubt that listen to the podcast Ear hustle which is a program, which originates from San Quentin Prison.  This program helps one see the inmates as much more then the crime or crimes of which they were convicted.
• Research continues to show that healing/moving on with one’s life journey is much easier after one has shared one’s most painful secrets.  It is as if much of one’s energy is consumed with keeping secrets/hiding and prevents one from healing.
• One is reminded that unless one changes one will continue to engage in behavior which is harmful to oneself, others and mother earth.
• One cannot move on to the next steps of making amends and practicing new behavior unless one comes to terms with one’s past behavior.

 
Although I find this step less frightening than I did the first time I admitted to another trusted person “the exact nature of my wrongs”,  I still get very anxious.   A part of me fears being shamed or finding out I am not worthwhile. Yet, I know, on a rational level, this is not the case.  So far every time I take a risk of sharing at this level, I feel better and am less likely to repeat behavior which has been so hurtful.   Today I know that I am stronger than my fear and with support I can do this step of healing.
 
Written March 10, 2018