Anger – Step 6
Step 6 of the 12-step program states, “Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of characters.”
Frequently steps 6 and 7 are talked about together. Step 6 simply says that one is ready while step 7 is the action step.
Once again, some readers may need a reminder to prevent the reference to God to prevent them from using these steps to explore letting go of anger and moving on to claim the life one wants and deserves.
Step 6, for me, is about my willingness to quit justifying my use of anger or blaming my use on anger on other people, places and things. As I have previously mentioned, it is normal to be angry and anger can, at times, be a motivating factor. There have certainly been times when I have been so disgusted with my anger or other behavior that I finally resolved to find a way to make a different choice. If, however, I just stay angry I am not likely to choose different behaviors.
A friend of mine says that he really wants to stop blaming other people for his anger. Yet, when he is very frustrated or sad because he cannot control another person or situation, he continues to resort to blaming statements and dumping that blame on another person. Ironically, his current frustration is related to the fact that the person he loves cannot divorce their husband. My friend says that if the person he loves would just do what they need to do he would have no anger. The logic is that the inaction of the person he loves is causing him to be angry. I am sure that many of us have found ourselves using such convoluted logic to justify our anger. This friend is not yet ready or has not been able to change this habit of blaming others for his unhappiness. At times he says that he is ready to let go of this habit and, at that moment, he really wants to quit hurting the person he loves, but he has been unable to consistently choose another behavior. When he does give himself this gift he feels much better.
As is true for many of us, my friend does not want to have to daily been intentional about doing what he needs to do to change this habit. I have suggested he can email or call me or another friends daily. He can write daily in his journal to identify what he is feeling and the problems he is facing. In the case of the person he loves, the problem is that he has no control over the other person or the situation. Thus, he would benefit from doing the equivalent of a step 1 regarding his powerlessness.
If one is ready to let go of a habit of anger or any other negative habit then one has to be willing to do the work to change the habit. In the case of not being able to control a person or the situation one needs to commit to letting go of the anger/the blame – “Entirely ready to have God (of one’s understanding) remove these defects of character.” Once one does that one is ready to move on to the 7th step and do the work of changing the behavior.
Written March 12, 2018
Step 6 of the 12-step program states, “Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of characters.”
Frequently steps 6 and 7 are talked about together. Step 6 simply says that one is ready while step 7 is the action step.
Once again, some readers may need a reminder to prevent the reference to God to prevent them from using these steps to explore letting go of anger and moving on to claim the life one wants and deserves.
Step 6, for me, is about my willingness to quit justifying my use of anger or blaming my use on anger on other people, places and things. As I have previously mentioned, it is normal to be angry and anger can, at times, be a motivating factor. There have certainly been times when I have been so disgusted with my anger or other behavior that I finally resolved to find a way to make a different choice. If, however, I just stay angry I am not likely to choose different behaviors.
A friend of mine says that he really wants to stop blaming other people for his anger. Yet, when he is very frustrated or sad because he cannot control another person or situation, he continues to resort to blaming statements and dumping that blame on another person. Ironically, his current frustration is related to the fact that the person he loves cannot divorce their husband. My friend says that if the person he loves would just do what they need to do he would have no anger. The logic is that the inaction of the person he loves is causing him to be angry. I am sure that many of us have found ourselves using such convoluted logic to justify our anger. This friend is not yet ready or has not been able to change this habit of blaming others for his unhappiness. At times he says that he is ready to let go of this habit and, at that moment, he really wants to quit hurting the person he loves, but he has been unable to consistently choose another behavior. When he does give himself this gift he feels much better.
As is true for many of us, my friend does not want to have to daily been intentional about doing what he needs to do to change this habit. I have suggested he can email or call me or another friends daily. He can write daily in his journal to identify what he is feeling and the problems he is facing. In the case of the person he loves, the problem is that he has no control over the other person or the situation. Thus, he would benefit from doing the equivalent of a step 1 regarding his powerlessness.
If one is ready to let go of a habit of anger or any other negative habit then one has to be willing to do the work to change the habit. In the case of not being able to control a person or the situation one needs to commit to letting go of the anger/the blame – “Entirely ready to have God (of one’s understanding) remove these defects of character.” Once one does that one is ready to move on to the 7th step and do the work of changing the behavior.
Written March 12, 2018
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