​Sunday Musings – January 5, 2020
The sky is falling
 
Stories are often used at all stages to life to teach and remind us of some basic life lessons.  Stories written for children are often some of the most poignant and powerful. When I am working for/with clients of all ages I often ask them to speak in a way a four-year-old could easily comprehend what is being said.   It seems that we adults often use words and wordings which  sound as if we are saying something important but does not communicate anything.   We might think that politicians commit the most egregious examples of such convoluted communication.   Yet, many of us are quite adept at speaking in tautologies.   A tautology, one might recall, is a statement which proports to say something and which might be delivered as a very profound statement but which adds nothing to our fund of knowledge.  For example, saying that my black shirt is black is a true statement. Yet, of course, all black shirts are black! 
 
This morning I was reading an editorial in the local paper about the fact that we often teach historical facts without attempting to help students trace the factors, events or decisions which led up to that historical fact.  If we want to learn from history surely, we need to trace those factors.
 
In the middle of the 19th century there appeared in print a Danish version of the  Henny Penny folk story Kylling Kluk.  Many will know this story and the chief character as The Story of Chicken Little or The Hen and Her Fellow Travelers.  In this story Chicken Little or Kylling Kluk frequently give sage advice to other animals.  One day, however, an acorn falls on her head and when she cannot identify what has fallen she assumes the sky has fallen.   She rushes to tell the king this important fact.   The king wisely investigates and discovers that it was indeed a mere acorn which has fallen on the head of Chicken Little.
 
It seems easy for us humans to experience life as if the sky is falling on our head.    Yet, often it is a mere acorn or what I term a nuisance.  Nuisance issues need to be addressed.   If the electric goes off in my house I need to determine if the electric company is making repairs or there is some issue within the electrical system in my house.   It is not prudent to just ignore the issue and yet it is not a case of the sky falling.
 
In our personal life and in our national and international life as a country we often cry “The sky is falling.” when in fact an acorn has fallen.   There is a situation which sorely needs addressed but, if not careful  we will respond with guns blazing as if the sky is falling.
 
Some believe that our response to the attack on 9/11 on the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon was an example of acting as if the sky was falling.   Certainly the attacks had tragic consequences and needed to be addressed. Yet, we seemed to view them with little understanding or even concern for the events which had led up to the attacks.  The fact that we have started wars which are ongoing may attest to  a chicken little response.    Some might think that the recent killing of the Iranian general by the United States is a chicken little response.  Some would disagree and think it was a long overdue response.   Some will think that the response to the response is an acorn response and some will say it is a chicken little response.
 
I suspect that we all need to take a step back, accept that we cannot change what has been done, and decide if we, as a country want to problem solve or run to the king to report that the sky is falling.   Surely, we all recognize that the entire Congress needs to access the situation and formulate a long-term approach to how we, as a country, are going to work with other countries to address the serious issues which exist between us and other countries in the Middle East as well as those in other parts of the country.   Surely, we need to address climate change,  broken judicial  and health care systems and a host of other issues.
 
Perhaps first and foremost on this Sunday I must be cognizant of how often my rhetoric contributes to the chicken little syndrome.   The sky is falling may make for good tweets and political campaign news coverage but it may do little to facilitate sitting down together to problem solve.
 
Written January 5, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 

​“Why do we exist?”
 
Ricardo Semier in his Ted talk entitled “How to run a company with (almost) no rules.” relates the story of his three-year-old asking, “Why do we exist?”     As we begin this new year on the calendar - this new year of possibilities – I love the reminder from this three-year-old  of the important question.   It is what philosophers would call the a priori question; the question which needs to be asked prior to all other questions.    It occurs to me that if I asked this question before I began any task or set any goals I would limit myself to those thoughts and tasks which really matter.  In the few moments of this life journey not much matters.  I know this. I have known this for some time.    Mr. Semier begins his Ted talk asking the question of what we might do if we knew we only had a short time to live.   He quickly  reminds the listener that, in fact, we never know how much time we have to live; that we should not be postponing living in a way which has meaning for us.
 
In 1985 I was told that I had a short time to live.  It appears from test results that my immune system was already  beyond repair because of the work the HIV virus had been doing prior to diagnosis.   Obviously, the prognosis was inaccurate, but, none the less, it was a lovely gift.  It was a good reminder to keep asking the question of what is important today.  I would, of course, like to say that in the past 34 years I have lived my life every day as if it was my last and the last of all those whose lives I daily touch directly or indirectly.    I cannot say that,  but I can say that I frequently return to this question. As I begin this new year with Mr. Semier’s  Ted talk I am again asking this very important question.  There are, of course, many ways to ask this question such as “What footprint do I want to leave today?”  What is the purpose of writing this blog? 
 
Soon I will meet friends for breakfast.  Can I be present in love? Can I listen beneath their words to their hearts?  Is my goal to be heard or to hear?    From there, if time permits, I will attend a ceremony to honor a man who is completing an addiction treatment program.  All present will put something in a coin for him to take with him.  What gift shall I give him?    Still later I will meet with various clients in my office.   Again, the challenge is to listen with love and not attempt to impose an agenda on our meeting while, providing, if asked, some guidance for reclaiming their own sacredness and/or perhaps pointing them in the direction of asking this very same question.
 
Why do I exist?  Why have I continued to exist long past my projected expiration date?  Is my purpose directly connected to my role as a father, counselor, friend, brother, cousin, community member, a member of the body politic, or neighbor?
 
Ram Dass said we exist to walk each other home.   Brene Brown says that we exist to belong to each other.  Some would say we exist to give praise to the god of our understanding.  Some would say we exist to love even in the face of anger, hate, or fear.  Some would say we exist to embrace the paradox that we matter completely and we matter not at all. 
 
If we listen carefully to the three-year-old we will know that we exist to “hear” each other.  Perhaps this is another way of saying what Rene Brown and Ram Dass have suggested.  First however we have to allow for the possibility the question of the three-year-old is the beginning of wisdom.
 
Written January 2-3, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

​“*I killed an evil”
 
“I don’t feel like I killed an individual. I feel like a killed evil. That’s how I’m approaching it and that’s how I’m processing.”
 
This was the statement of Jack Wilson who killed the human being who opened fire on fellow congregants at a Texas church on Sunday, December 29, 2019.
 
It is wonderful that not more people were killed or injured.  Yet, both the use of deadly force and this statement bring tears to my heart.
 
As a person who is a veteran of the United States Navy and who  continues to work for and with veterans, I am well aware of the arguments justifying the use of deadly force against a person, a group of people or a nation which is also using deadly force or who we fear will do so.  Just this past week following the killing of one United States service person the United States military used deadly force to kill at least 19 individuals and destroy property.   We have a long history of using deadly force as a nation including the use of nuclear bombs to end WWII.   We in the United States also have a long history of both legal, cultural and even religious sanctioned use of violence against those we decide are a physical, emotional or religious threat.
 
I have no idea of what led the man to open fire on the congregants in that church on Sunday.   Perhaps, though no fault of his own, he had some neurological condition affecting how his brain functioned.  Perhaps his parents had some condition or illness which prevented them from helping him to blossom into the person he was intended to be.   Perhaps he really believed that he had been wronged and that it was moral to use deadly force to avenge what he believed was the wrong he suffered.  We simply do not know.
 
We do know that as a society in the United States we continue to teach and model two opposing beliefs about violence.  They are:
 

• It is wrong to use violence when one is unhappy with or feel threated by the behavior of another person or group of people.
• It is right to use violence to stop those we see as violent or potentially violent  or whose behavior we find objectionable.  Violence may be verbal, physical, or emotional.

 
Following the terrible shooting at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh recently the  congregants declared that they would not respond to hate with hate.  The leaders of the local Temple responded in kind.   The Christian Church which includes the one in Texas where the shooting took place profess to use the teachings of Jesus who instructed his disciples to love one’s enemy while they condone the violence including the violence of labelling someone as “evil”
 
There is no question that force sometimes needs to be used to stop the violent behavior of others.  Do we have non-lethal means of stopping  them?  Yes,  we have non-lethal ways of stopping violent people.   We can use those means in any situation just as is done in impatient mental health facilities.  In those facilities the goal is to restrain he person with love; recognizing the person is ill and not evil.
 
As long as we, as a nation, are committed to  justifying and modeling the use of violence to stop those with whom we disagree or who may themselves be violent we will not  refine non-  violent and compassionate ways to respond to violence or the perceived threat of violence.
 
As we begin this new year, perhaps we could share the responsibility for creating a climate in which the use of violence is encouraged and applauded when, in fact, compassionate restraint and treatment might be more effective and moral.    Perhaps we could quit applauding the use of labels such as evil, criminal, enemy instead of mentally or physically ill.  Perhaps we could allow ourselves to face the discomfort of knowing how fragile our own mental health is; of facing our own humanness as it is reflected in the pain and painful actions of others.
 
Written January 1, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org