Sexual addiction is real!!!
The fact that so many people are directly and indirectly injured and even killed by behavior which is cause by the disease of addiction is not only sad but challenges the attempt by many of us humans to hold on to the belief that we choose behavior; that bad people choose bad behavior and good people choose good behavior.
Despite greater overall acceptance of mental illness in theory and, to some extent in practice, as a society we continue to want to hold people accountable for their behavior. Even in those cases when a person is incompetent to stand trial because of mental illness which may mean they were incompetent at the time the crime was committed, our system often demands they be treated and then tried.
A large percentage of those we incarcerate in the United States had a mind which was controlled by addiction or some other mental illness at the time they committed the crime. Yet, the primary “diagnosis” is criminal and off to jail they go. While it may be true that we need to make it easier to force individuals into treatment when their mind is unable to make that decision, the focus needs to be on compassionate, medical treatment and not punishment. Tragically we have designed a community which is dependent on addictive behavior to function. Addictions to power, money, gambling, nicotine, caffeine, many drugs, sex, processed sugar, carbohydrates, use of violence and a host of other substances and behaviors are essential to our current economic and political system.
A 2016 study found between 16 and 31% of inmates had a mental illness excluding those whose primary diagnosis was addictive disorders. (treatmentadvocacycenter.org)
nida.nih.gov publications estimate that up to 65% of the prison population in the States have an active substance use disorder and another 20% were under the influence at the time they committed the crime for which they are incarcerate. Statistics on percentage of those with sexual offenses varies but it is also a significant number. Many of those who are labeled as a sexual offender have a primary diagnosis of sexual addiction.
Ever since the revelations of Bill Crosby’s alleged sexual offenses became public I have listened in vain for someone to suggest that his primary diagnosis is sexual addiction. Even a recent NPR interview by Terry Gross, the primary host of Fresh Air, with W. Kama Bell “who directed the Showtime series We Need to Talk about Crosby which explores how Bill Crosby became “America’s Dad”and a hero in Black culture - and how that changed when he was accuse and convicted as a rapist.” failed to mention or suggest that we view Mr. Crosby as a sexual addict. Mr. Bell acknowledge the strong moral actions of Mr. Crosby; actions such as standing up for and supporting others in and out of the film industry. Here was a man who, despite the history of racism in the film and television industry became “America’s Dad”; the role model for many in his public and private life. This same very hard working, successful man sexually assaulted over 60 women, often by drugging them and then sexually assaulting/raping them. How does one explain this behavior? One could suggest that he was merely a power hungry, arrogant, evil man who was incapable of considering the needs of others. Yet, as is true for all of us he was not “merely” anything.
By all accounts, Mr. Crosby was a loving, good man who worked very hard for himself and others. Yet, this same man risked his self respect, his reputation, and his material wealth by drugging and raping many women. Obviously these were not impulsive actions. He had to procure the drugs, set the scene and plan such behavior. On the other hand, he had to know his actions would eventually be uncovered. Some might suggest that one can become so powerful and arrogant that one convinces oneself that one is “untouchable” by the law or the God of one’s understanding. Perhaps this was true of Mr. Crosby. I think not. My strong suspicion is that he was deeply shameful, repentant and lived in fear of getting caught while his addiction continued to take charge of his treatment of many women.
I have worked with/for sexual addicts for many years as a professional counselor. I have yet to work for one who is proud of his or her behavior. I have certainly worked for some who have attempted to explain and even justify their behavior. Yet, all lived in fear of losing everything for which they had worked. All were deeply shameful.
We call such behavior addiction. We know that addiction is driven by the brain and changes the chemical balance in the brain. We know that the chemical balance changes the decision making ability and processes of the brain.
We also know that:
o No one chooses to be an addict.
o Addicts will try to make sense of their behavior by blaming other people, places and and circumstances.
o Addicts often do not have access to a connection between their core values and their addictive behavior.
o Addicts are often bright, successful people whose brain seems to work fine or even above average in other areas of their life.
o Addicts are often people who engage in very laudatory behavior. They are much more than their addictive behavior. Their laudatory behavior is not just a coverup for their addictive behavior which acutely affects others.
Neuroscientists, psychologists and others who specialize in factors which affect the brain and which result in us humans engaging in such duplicitous behavior understand that labeling people as ‘just evil” or “criminal” does not begin to tell us who they are or why they behave as they do.’’
We need to provide all the healing help possible for the victims of sexual abuse. Let’s not blame the victims for being abused. Let’s do treat sick people as sick and with the understanding and loving care they deserve. This must include sexual addicts. Let’s quit sending people to prison because it temporarily deludes us into thinking we are taking an action which makes us all safer. Misdiagnosing and mistreating individuals does not, long term, create safely for anyone.
Written February 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
The fact that so many people are directly and indirectly injured and even killed by behavior which is cause by the disease of addiction is not only sad but challenges the attempt by many of us humans to hold on to the belief that we choose behavior; that bad people choose bad behavior and good people choose good behavior.
Despite greater overall acceptance of mental illness in theory and, to some extent in practice, as a society we continue to want to hold people accountable for their behavior. Even in those cases when a person is incompetent to stand trial because of mental illness which may mean they were incompetent at the time the crime was committed, our system often demands they be treated and then tried.
A large percentage of those we incarcerate in the United States had a mind which was controlled by addiction or some other mental illness at the time they committed the crime. Yet, the primary “diagnosis” is criminal and off to jail they go. While it may be true that we need to make it easier to force individuals into treatment when their mind is unable to make that decision, the focus needs to be on compassionate, medical treatment and not punishment. Tragically we have designed a community which is dependent on addictive behavior to function. Addictions to power, money, gambling, nicotine, caffeine, many drugs, sex, processed sugar, carbohydrates, use of violence and a host of other substances and behaviors are essential to our current economic and political system.
A 2016 study found between 16 and 31% of inmates had a mental illness excluding those whose primary diagnosis was addictive disorders. (treatmentadvocacycenter.org)
nida.nih.gov publications estimate that up to 65% of the prison population in the States have an active substance use disorder and another 20% were under the influence at the time they committed the crime for which they are incarcerate. Statistics on percentage of those with sexual offenses varies but it is also a significant number. Many of those who are labeled as a sexual offender have a primary diagnosis of sexual addiction.
Ever since the revelations of Bill Crosby’s alleged sexual offenses became public I have listened in vain for someone to suggest that his primary diagnosis is sexual addiction. Even a recent NPR interview by Terry Gross, the primary host of Fresh Air, with W. Kama Bell “who directed the Showtime series We Need to Talk about Crosby which explores how Bill Crosby became “America’s Dad”and a hero in Black culture - and how that changed when he was accuse and convicted as a rapist.” failed to mention or suggest that we view Mr. Crosby as a sexual addict. Mr. Bell acknowledge the strong moral actions of Mr. Crosby; actions such as standing up for and supporting others in and out of the film industry. Here was a man who, despite the history of racism in the film and television industry became “America’s Dad”; the role model for many in his public and private life. This same very hard working, successful man sexually assaulted over 60 women, often by drugging them and then sexually assaulting/raping them. How does one explain this behavior? One could suggest that he was merely a power hungry, arrogant, evil man who was incapable of considering the needs of others. Yet, as is true for all of us he was not “merely” anything.
By all accounts, Mr. Crosby was a loving, good man who worked very hard for himself and others. Yet, this same man risked his self respect, his reputation, and his material wealth by drugging and raping many women. Obviously these were not impulsive actions. He had to procure the drugs, set the scene and plan such behavior. On the other hand, he had to know his actions would eventually be uncovered. Some might suggest that one can become so powerful and arrogant that one convinces oneself that one is “untouchable” by the law or the God of one’s understanding. Perhaps this was true of Mr. Crosby. I think not. My strong suspicion is that he was deeply shameful, repentant and lived in fear of getting caught while his addiction continued to take charge of his treatment of many women.
I have worked with/for sexual addicts for many years as a professional counselor. I have yet to work for one who is proud of his or her behavior. I have certainly worked for some who have attempted to explain and even justify their behavior. Yet, all lived in fear of losing everything for which they had worked. All were deeply shameful.
We call such behavior addiction. We know that addiction is driven by the brain and changes the chemical balance in the brain. We know that the chemical balance changes the decision making ability and processes of the brain.
We also know that:
o No one chooses to be an addict.
o Addicts will try to make sense of their behavior by blaming other people, places and and circumstances.
o Addicts often do not have access to a connection between their core values and their addictive behavior.
o Addicts are often bright, successful people whose brain seems to work fine or even above average in other areas of their life.
o Addicts are often people who engage in very laudatory behavior. They are much more than their addictive behavior. Their laudatory behavior is not just a coverup for their addictive behavior which acutely affects others.
Neuroscientists, psychologists and others who specialize in factors which affect the brain and which result in us humans engaging in such duplicitous behavior understand that labeling people as ‘just evil” or “criminal” does not begin to tell us who they are or why they behave as they do.’’
We need to provide all the healing help possible for the victims of sexual abuse. Let’s not blame the victims for being abused. Let’s do treat sick people as sick and with the understanding and loving care they deserve. This must include sexual addicts. Let’s quit sending people to prison because it temporarily deludes us into thinking we are taking an action which makes us all safer. Misdiagnosing and mistreating individuals does not, long term, create safely for anyone.
Written February 23, 2022
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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