Channeling our wiser self
My years of experience as a mental health counselor and my own journey tells me that with the exception of those with a serious brain illness which does not allow them to approximate a shared reality, all of us has a wiser self which can give very solid advice to others. It seems that much of what I remind others in my role as a counselor, they already know. They may tell themselves they do not know, but as soon as I ask the question of what advice or guidance they would give a young child that wise voice makes an appearance.
Is it that we lie to ourselves or is it that the various voices in our head do not communicate with each other. I suspect it is the later; we do not have the habit of accessing that wise voice when making decisions about our own behavior.
Often individuals tell me that they will do X behavior or task tomorrow or when they are motived to do so. Yet, if I ask if they allow their children to postpone doing their homework until they feel like doing it their response is a resounding no. Of course, many parents are not able to be home to monitor their child homework. Yet, my point is the parent “knows” the child is very unlikely to do homework later or in the morning before school.
In most treatment programs for those recovering from active addiction to alcohol, other drugs, sex, food or any other substance, clients/patients are told they are going to have to learn to act in spite of discomfort. If one has had the habit of avoiding discomfort by numbing oneself or hiding in one’s home or other space then one most take progressive steps to act in spite of the discomfort. One may feel as if one is not going to be able to breathe or move but one’s internal coach can help one take that next step and then another step.
When our children are young, they cry when they are frightened of doing something which may be uncomfortable. A healthy parent will tell the child that they are going to have to do the task anyway. The parent will offer the child comfort but will tell the crying child they have to do the uncomfortable task. The parent may teach the child to break the task into manageable steps, but they will not do the task for the child or allow the child to avoid the task.
The late Dr. Wayne Dyer was well known for his sage advice about the power of our thoughts. I think of the brain as the command center of the body. It not only directs our external behavior but also directs every part of the body. The rest of the body also sends messages back to the brain. Placebo’s work, in part, because when we think something may help us the brain sends well/healing messages to the rest of the body.
If we do not consistently access that wise, comforting, can do parent part of the brain we will never function at our best. It is important that we identify that voice in our head and practice putting it is charge of our life dance. Very simply we can ask ourselves, “What would I advise my child? How do I want to teach my child to problem solve?”
Written March 4, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
My years of experience as a mental health counselor and my own journey tells me that with the exception of those with a serious brain illness which does not allow them to approximate a shared reality, all of us has a wiser self which can give very solid advice to others. It seems that much of what I remind others in my role as a counselor, they already know. They may tell themselves they do not know, but as soon as I ask the question of what advice or guidance they would give a young child that wise voice makes an appearance.
Is it that we lie to ourselves or is it that the various voices in our head do not communicate with each other. I suspect it is the later; we do not have the habit of accessing that wise voice when making decisions about our own behavior.
Often individuals tell me that they will do X behavior or task tomorrow or when they are motived to do so. Yet, if I ask if they allow their children to postpone doing their homework until they feel like doing it their response is a resounding no. Of course, many parents are not able to be home to monitor their child homework. Yet, my point is the parent “knows” the child is very unlikely to do homework later or in the morning before school.
In most treatment programs for those recovering from active addiction to alcohol, other drugs, sex, food or any other substance, clients/patients are told they are going to have to learn to act in spite of discomfort. If one has had the habit of avoiding discomfort by numbing oneself or hiding in one’s home or other space then one most take progressive steps to act in spite of the discomfort. One may feel as if one is not going to be able to breathe or move but one’s internal coach can help one take that next step and then another step.
When our children are young, they cry when they are frightened of doing something which may be uncomfortable. A healthy parent will tell the child that they are going to have to do the task anyway. The parent will offer the child comfort but will tell the crying child they have to do the uncomfortable task. The parent may teach the child to break the task into manageable steps, but they will not do the task for the child or allow the child to avoid the task.
The late Dr. Wayne Dyer was well known for his sage advice about the power of our thoughts. I think of the brain as the command center of the body. It not only directs our external behavior but also directs every part of the body. The rest of the body also sends messages back to the brain. Placebo’s work, in part, because when we think something may help us the brain sends well/healing messages to the rest of the body.
If we do not consistently access that wise, comforting, can do parent part of the brain we will never function at our best. It is important that we identify that voice in our head and practice putting it is charge of our life dance. Very simply we can ask ourselves, “What would I advise my child? How do I want to teach my child to problem solve?”
Written March 4, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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