As I stated in the overview, the 12-steps program was originally conceived and written by two men – Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith – as a guide for those wanting to free themselves from the chains of alcohol addiction.   I find the 12-steps a useful guide for my own spiritual growth.  For me, each step reminds me of what of concrete action I can take to do to achieve what I understand to be spiritual growth.

Today, I want to focus on Step 1 which is:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

Although I do not have an issue with alcohol taking over my life, I am daily – sometimes hourly – confronted with the fact that I have no power over people, places, and things which are important to me.   This is the most apparent in reference to the people in my life.  Whether my concern is my son, my aged mother, some other relative, a friend, a client, or some stranger, I have absolutely no control over what they do or do not do.  Oh, I suppose that when my son was an infant  it was easier to have some feeling of power over his care. I could feed him, clothe him, and love him as long as I was present and healthy enough to be able to do that.  It was not long after we brought this beautiful child home from the hospital that I realized that I was helpless to prevent all of his discomfort or to always protect him from getting hurt.  Day by day this wonderful child blossomed into being his own person which I could have easily accepted or be miserable.  Unfortunately for us both this lesson/truth did not come easily or quickly for me!  Early on, it became clear that he would have his own opinions whether that was regarding his diet, when he was going to sleep, or who could comfort him.    Of course, knowing this did not stop me from attempting to hold on to the illusion that I could help him make “the right” choices, keep him out of harms way, or even insure that he did his homework.  I recall a time when he was caught in a power struggle with his math teacher. He would do his homework and tell his teacher he had not done it.  He would have torn it up just to make sure I did not find it and turn it into the teacher. 

Even prior to becoming a parent  and before I knew anything about spiritual growth, I had come to terms with the fact that I would never be a tall man (not even average),  that my parents would be who they were going to be, and that I  would be that overly sensitive child who was bullied at school.   I could not control that my parents were poor, that certain family members were perpetually angry with other family members, or that my older sister learned easier than I did.

Still, I held on to some illusions that I had some control. For a time I believed that I had control over whether or not I was a the perfect student, the perfect person who never had a “sinful” thought or never  committed a “sinful” deed.   I was determined to prove that I could be the person I thought others and God needed and wanted me to me.  Of  course, daily, I knew that I had failed but that did not stop me from being more determined the next day.  I was sure that if I just did whatever those in authority or those to whom I gave authority told me to do. I would be a person deserving of love and respect.  Yet, I kept failing or falling short of the impossible standards I had internalized.

Eventually, I began to come to terms with my own humanness and to accept that the God of my understanding already knew that I was human and was, thus, never going to be perfect.  I  accepted that I was going to make mistakes, although I still held on to the belief that I “should” be able to greatly reduce the number of mistakes which I made.  I was still second guessing my  behavior and chiding myself for what I did or did not say or do.

Well, that is not entirely true.   I decided first to become a minister.  I got a masters in divinity, was ordained, and became pastor of a church. I decided I would be this wise, loving person who guided people to be more like Jesus and all-inclusive in their love.  Well, so much for that theory. Okay! I decided I would get a masters in clinical psychology and become a therapist who healed people by fixing them. I would simply tell them what they needed to do to be healthy and they would get well and live happily ever after or something like that.  Drats! That did not work either. Other people, places, and things kept behaving a certain way no matter what I did.  Just yesterday a client called to say that he had relapsed again.  After months or years of working with/for him, he is still not working a daily program of recovery.  Just this morning someone texted to say that her addicted son has another medical problem and she is so sick and tired of dealing with this young man that she is vomiting again and her husband is belching frequently again (a symptom of his dis –ease).  I have obviously failed to help these parents and I have failed to get the young man to work a recovery program even though I daily text him, pray for him, and let the God of my understanding know that He/She is falling down on the job! 

I have no control over other people.  I cannot even control the bottle of cleaner for my electric stove top.  Just this morning I was attempting to squeeze out some of the liquid onto the cleaning sponge and it suddenly erupted to cover the stovetop, the wall, the coffee pot, the cords to the coffee pot and the coffee grinder, etc..  Mercy! 

It is raining this morning.  I am sure that I had notified the God of my understanding that I planned to replant some of the garden which was destroyed by the excessive rain and later the summer heat.  So much for plans.   Besides that, the person I had tentatively committed to spending some time with today has not responded to my texts.   And then….

One gets the idea.  What I do have control over as long as my brain is free from dementia, brain tumors, or other “dis eases” is whether or not I keep bringing myself back to my breath and gently reminding myself that today I can love my son, friends, and clients. I can let go of or work on letting go of any conditions or expectations for that love.  I can remind myself that all I have to do is to show up with love for myself and for others.   I can accept that this too is a process which I am not going to do perfectly. I can write on step 1 – again and again and again!

Today I am powerless over my feelings, other people, places and things.  Today I can focus on my breath, on being grateful, and getting ready to write on step 2 which is: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”   Oh dear! Sanity?  

As an addiction counselor and a licensed counselor, I have long extoled the virtues of the 12-tep recovery program for alcoholics, narcotic and other drug addicts, sex addicts, food addicts, and folks struggling with other addictions.  Partly because of the fact that it is an anonymous program, it is difficult to do reliable and valid research on the effectiveness of the programs.  My experience as a counselor is that the program is enormously effective for those who:

·      Attend meetings  regularly.

·      Attend meetings for the purpose of getting help for themselves and giving help/support to others.

·      Have a sponsor who they frequently contact  and meet with and with whom they are open and honest.

·      With the help of guidance of their sponsor, work the steps of the 12-step program on an ongoing basis

The sponsor is someone one had chosen to guide one through the process of recovery.  One has to be willing to take “good orderly advice.”  This means admitting that one cannot trust one’s own thinking in any area of life which is affected by the addicton (usually all areas of life).

Many people I know  attend meetings but do not work with a sponsor and do not work on the steps with their sponsor.  Many do this work for a time and then quit because they get to a step which seems too uncomfortable. Many are not able to allow themselves to be as honest as they need to be for the step work to be effective.

I have a lot of admiration for those individuals who have had the courage to use the 12-step program to reclaim or possibly for the first time claim the good life that they deserve.  Many people have come to the program because they have run out of options or because a judge has ordered them to attend meetings.

Not everyone is able to get the help that they need from AA, NA, SA, Overeaters Anonymous, or one of the other 12-step programs based upon the program originated Drs. Bob and Bill Wilson.   What I say to clients or friends is that it does not make any difference what program one uses  for recovery or spiritual growth, but one needs a daily program  which incorporates all the principles and the steps of the 12-step program.   The wording of the steps and principles  and the steps for each of the 12-step programs is a little different, but they are essentially the same.   I am going  to use the wording used by Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) which was the original group.  The principles are:

1.The A.A. member conforms to the principles of recovery; at first because he must, later because he discovers a way of life he really wants to live. (Unity)
2. When we come to understand the wisdom of the group decision and the necessity of patiently awaiting developments, the real and permanent leadership of A.A. can offer the quiet opinion, the sure knowledge and humble example that resolves a crisis, leading by example, rather than driving by mandate. (Group Conscience)
3. When confronted by the fear that is the true basis of intolerance, we need only ask, "What would the Master do?" (Membership)
4. Eventually, we must conform to whatever tested principles guarantee survival. Sobriety must be our sole objective. In all other respects there is perfect freedom of will and action. We have the right to be wrong, but we no longer have the right to harm others. (Autonomy)
5. It is the great paradox of A.A. that we know we can seldom keep the precious gift of sobriety unless we give it away. (Primary Purpose)
6. We are all perfectionists who, failing perfection, have gone to the other extreme. We cannot be all things to all men, nor should we try. (Non-Affiliation)
7. We, too, should be self-supporting through our own contributions. Not only is it a responsibility of sobriety, it is essential to our self-esteem. (Self-Supporting)
8. We give freely what has been given freely to us. (Non-Professional)
9. Unless each A.A. member follows to the best of his ability our suggested Twelve Steps to recovery, he almost certainly signs his death warrant. His drunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted by people in authority; they result from his personal disobedience to spiritual principles. (Spirit of Service)
10. We should not back away from our individual responsibility to act as we believe upon the issues of our time, yet self-righteousness should not cause us to enforce our will on others. (Outside Issues)
11. Personal ambition has no place in A.A. There is never need to praise ourselves. (Attraction Rather Than Promotion)
12. The spiritual substance of anonymity is sacrifice. We try to give up our natural desires for personal distinction as A.A. members both among fellow alcoholics and before the general
public. We are sure that humility, expressed by anonymity, is the greatest safeguard that Alcoholics Anonymous can ever have. (Principles Before Personalities)

The steps are:

THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.         Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.         Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.         Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Copyright  1952, 1953, 1981 by Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing (now known as Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)

All rights reserved.

Most people who know me are well aware that I am not shy about learning from or taking advantage of the experience of others.  Even though I am not a person who has had to live with an addiction to alcohol, other drugs, sex, power or money, I am certainly a very human person who needs all the help he can get in growing spiritually.   My experience is that all of we humans   feel that, in some way, we are not enough; that we need something outside of ourselves to either make us enough or to avoid our fear of not being enough.  We may use education, drugs, power, money, sex, religions/self righteousness, or some other person, place or thing to fill that void or to keep us away from that void.   Thus, in that sense, we are all addicts.   Personally, I have used education, busyness, and good works to try to avoid dealing with the belief that I am not enough. Even though the result of using these to fill the void did not cause the obvious damage that some addictive behavior such as alcoholism, does, just like alcohol none of them were ever enough.  I, too, have had to come to terms with fact that I was going to have to practice HOW (honestly, open mindedness and willingness) and use some consistent methods for facing my own humanness and growing in acceptance while letting go of the impediments to my growth.  I have previously written about my understanding of the HOW of the program.  I have also used the format of the 12-step program.  

In future blogs I am going to share with the reader how I use each step as an organized way to approach spiritual growth.  I also use a lot of other “tools” which include my understanding of the Christian framework, my understanding of the principles of Buddhism, and a lot from other historic and present day teachers.    As I said earlier,  I have no hesitation in learning from and borrowing from the traditions and practices of others. More recently, I am learning from Muslin friends.

Since there is no 12-step program for the general human condition how does one follow what I suggested are necessary components earlier in this blog?   There are no daily meetings although one can attend open meetings of 12-step programs which I have often done.  This is, however, how I use the same  theoretical base:

·      Talk with others working a program of spiritual recovery – church, lectures, books, 12-step meetings

·      Use mentors with whom I can be open  and  honest and who are available to me. I am connected with mentors via phone, mail, text, email, and in personal meetings.

·      I write daily and attempt to practice honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. I use the 12-step format when writing.

·      I take a daily inventory of how I am doing in applying these steps and principles in all areas of my life.

In my next blog I will share how I use step 1. Step l is:

“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Tolerance or ?

Last evening I was invited to tour some of the program facilities of the Scientology Church in Clearwater, Florida.  The program facilities which I visited included Criminon ((world free of crime); Narconon (Drug Rehabilitation Programs), Anti-Drug Programs, Human Rights and The Way to Happiness.   Each of the programs has its own information and learning centers equipped with state of the art video equipment and staffed by pleasant, traditionally attractive, welcoming individuals. There are also books, pamphlets, comfortable furniture and refreshments.  One feels genuinely welcomed to a gracious, well appointment space.   Certainly all of the programs reflect concerns, which any spiritual, well-intentioned individual could embrace. 

I have no doubt that the individuals involved are exactly who they appear to be:  people from various countries and cultures who sincerely want to lead a very spiritual life, which include being of service to other people. After all, who would or could fault a group, which want to eliminate substance abuse/addiction, crime, and the violation of human rights.   The program which is entitled “The Way to Happiness” includes 21 precepts which, on the surface, any spiritual teach might endorse.  These are:

·      Take care of yourself

·      Be Temperate

·      Don’t be promiscuous

·      Love and help children

·      Honor and help your parents

·      Set a good example

·      See to live with the truth

·      Do not murder

·      Don’t do anything illegal

·      Support a government designed and run for all the people

·      Do not harm a person of good will

·      Safeguard and improve our environment

·      Do not steal

·      Be worthy of trust

·      Fulfill your obligations

·      Be industrious

·      Be competent

·      Respect the religious beliefs of others

·      Try not to do things to others that you would not like them to do to you.

·      Try to treat others as you would want them to treat you

·      Flourish and Prosper

On the surface this sounds like a list that Pope Francis, Gandhi and many other individuals who are respected a spiritual teachers would agree. There might be a bit of discussion about whether it is sometimes necessary to do something illegal, i.e. e. laws which have discriminated against various individuals and groups.  One might question what it means to be promiscuous, particularly in terms of the anti-GLBT beliefs of the Scientologists.   There is that question of who decides one is a person of good will and whether it is okay to harm a person who one determines is not of good will even though another precept states do not murder.  On the other hand I could not determine, in my admittedly fairly cursory reading of the literature, whether the scientologist believe that killing in the name of God or country would violate these precepts. After all, most countries would not say that they were murdering those with whom one was at war.

Questions have also been raised about the wealth of the church and what percentage of their income is spent on overhead. Some reports maintain that in 2012, the Scientologist Church/organization in Clearwater, Florida had assets of $209,655,686.00.  Certainly the building I entered, the “uniforms” of the staff which one sees on the streets of Clearwater would suggest that a significant amount of money is spent on overhead.

There have been various documentaries, books and articles written about the teachings and the practices of the Scientologist Church.  It is certainly not my intention to expand on the thoroughness or the accuracy of some of those.

Goodness knows I would like to align myself with any organization which promotes universal human rights, ministers to those in prison, feeds the hungry and provides quality services for those addicted to various substances, power, types of relationships which end up stealing one’s life.    I also applaud anyone who promotes the golden rule.

I have nothing against “nice” things although I must admit I, fairly or unfairly, tend to mistrust any person, program or environment which seems slick and which needs to promote its programs with many books, pamphlets, brochures, state of the art video equipment and other expensive technology.

In the service of full disclosure I must admit I like the fact that many of the historic (as historic as 100 year old buildings can be) buildings in Clearwater have been so beautifully restored and are so pleasing to the eye.  There is also a part of me which can momentarily be attracted to beautiful, physically fit, well groomed (in terms of traditional standards which might also apply the loan sharks, mafia members and others), smiling, polite young people.   (I do not ask what boat all the people past 30 are loaded onto but they certainly are not in evidence.)  I am a little taken back by the fact that even those who hail from other countries seem, for the most part, to look like very white or occasionally of some other European or South American ancestry.

I want to trust these people, to keep an open mind and not allow some of the criticism of the Scientologists, which I have read and heard to influence my opinion.  Yet, a part of me does not feel safe in this setting and certainly not safe in aligning myself with this organization.  I know that this is not just because I am a gay man whose “life style (or hoped for life style)” would not be acceptable.   It is not just that I am a little more than vaguely bothered by the assumption that the people labeled as criminals are different than the “criminals” who think it okay to flourish at the expense of others; that I am feeling a sense of “dis ease” the exact source of which I cannot identify, but which I have learned to trust.

I try to clear my mind and just be present with love and open to learning.  This is not a comfortable or easy process for me in this situation.    The challenge, of course, is to hold on to myself, to not allow myself to dismiss my questions while staying open to the possibility that there is something here for me to learn.

I did not expect this challenge but I am grateful that, once again, I have to confront what I think I know and the source of what I feel.  Again I know that this is not about this particular church or organization.  This is about me separating the wheat from the chaff in my mind.  I consciously and often unconsciously pick up opinions, prejudices, biases and the fears of others. That is the chaff.  The wheat comes from a deeper place in me.  Until I can decide which is which or at least make a better educated guess about this I am going to be uncomfortable.

I remind myself.  Breathe. Notice my breath.  Breathe. Notice.

Written  September 3, 2015



                 

 

The virtue of the question of why?  What is education?

I am writing this on Sunday, September 6, 2015 after listening to Krista Tippett interviewing Mike Rose on the NPR program, “On Being.”   You may be one of the fortunate ones who knows or has known Mike Rose personally, have previously been introduced to him via his books, or have been fortunate enough to be his student.  I had not had the privilege of meeting him or even hearing of him previously.  Given the similarity of some of his interests in education and what work means to that of Studs Terkel who is best known for his 1974 book, Working in which he chronicles his time and interviews with working men and women in the United States, I am surprised that I had not previously discovered him.

Who is Michael Rose?  One could be very “proper”/“traditional” and introduce him as a college professor and author of many books.  One could also introduce him as the poor boy that was a poor student and, against all odds, got a doctorate degree and now teaches at a very prestigious university.   One could also introduce him as a person who is passionate about education.   All of these descriptive terms, while, accurate, would not describe the man I “met” while listening to Mrs.Tippett’s interview of him September 6, 2015.  The man I heard interviewed was this loving, observant, present, humble person who sat in a restaurant in Altoona, Pennsylvania with his disabled father admiring and observing his mother and others working as wait person in this down home (my term) restaurant.   As a young child he observed the enormous number of skills it takes to be an effective/helpful wait person – memory (short and long term), organization, sensitivity to what the customer is feeling and needing, physical agility, multi-tasking, and endurance.  Later he would observe and talk about the many skills required for many jobs, which are, have been historically and often somewhat derisively referred to as vocational jobs versus professional jobs.    The elite of the society – the privileged (including financial remuneration) - score well on so-called intelligence tests and are considered smart or wise while, for decades, those who did not do well on such tests were labeled as the dumb kids and assigned to the vocational track in school.  Mike Rose was such a kid who accidently got put into a different track and got “noticed” in his senior year in high school by a very observant English teacher, Jack McFarland.

As Dr. Rose pointed out, there has been some breakdown in this attempt at binary duality in schools, but this is such an historic duality beginning with Aristotle and the preparation for “civil” society that it is not a tension which will be easily dissolved. 

The brilliance of Dr. Rose is co-joined with who he is spiritually.    When Dr. Rose is teaching he does not first focus on the parts – the memorization of facts – but on giving the student a picture of the whole and then how one builds that whole.   In other words, in my mind, Dr. Rose focuses on what is it one is attempting to teach, introducing the student to this “picture” or the concept.  I think a part of what he is attempting to communicate is that we humans can and will learn if we understand the purpose of this knowledge. If I am told to memorize something, which does not have meaning to me, I will not be interested in learning and may think I cannot learn.   I have, for example, known people, sometimes clients, who considered themselves dumb or unable to do math. Yet, these very same clients could organize and run a business, which included the use of complicated math skills. The fact that the business might be illegal was not related to what skills were required. In fact, sometimes an illegal business takes additional skills.  I have known home managers, often women, who tell me that they cannot do math and yet they can multiply or divide a recipe, organize and manage a budget, and use geometrical skills to arrange a room.

I am again intrigued with the concept of education.  I turned to the on line version of the Oxford dictionary.

It says education is:

·      The process of receiving or giving systematic instruction, especially at a school or university.

·      The theory and practice of teaching

·      A body of knowledge acquired while being educated.

As I have previously said, what amazes me about this definition is that the definition is not related to the purpose of learning something.  It seems to me that Dr. Rose would agree with me that if we are going to discuss the concept of education, we have to talk about what both Mrs. Tippett and Dr. Rose refer to as the meaningfulness of work.   If not careful when we talk about “meaningful,” it can become a very elitist term.

What does it mean for work to have meaning?  How is education related to introducing the student to the subject of meaning?   Obviously, as Dr. Rose and Mrs. Tippett point out, job title alone does not tell us whether a job is meaningful to the individuals.  They use the example of the unhappy neurosurgeon.  Obviously, the skill of neurosurgeon is as valuable as that of the plumber, the cook, the builder, or the person who works on an assembly line to make the stove on which I will cook my meals today.   I am personally very grateful for the neurosurgeons who have taken care of friends of mine who needed their services.  I am just as grateful to the people who designed and built my cooking range.    Sadly, the neurosurgeon’s motivation for practicing this profession might be to make a lot of money.  The motivation of the factory worker might be to feed his or her family. We know that money alone will not create a meaningful job or life and we also know that not having enough money to feed one’s family will diminish the meaningfulness of a job or life for some individuals. 

What then might make a job meaningful to an individual?   Certainly an internal sense that the job one is doing is contributing, in some manner, to making the world a more just and loving place is necessary.  It also helps if one works for and/or with individuals who value the work and the worker.

Anyone who has been a parent knows that one of the first words a child learns to communicate (by voice, touch, or in some other manner) is why!   They ask  ‘why” many times.   If encouraged, these children will continue to ask ‘why’ for the rest of their lives.   If the parents or other adults respond with “Because I said so,”  “It just is,” or “Stop asking so many questions” the child may stop asking why.

It seems to me that to call a process education it must first answer the question of why.  As I have discussed in past blogs, the answer might be as simple as “One paints or plays music or dances because one does it to exist.  One cannot not do it.”  The answer might be multi-faceted as it was when Dr. Rose interviewed his mother about her job.  It not only fed her family but also got her out into a larger world.  The job also permitted her to provide a wonderful and important service.

I often talk to young men and women who are attempting to decide or have decided about the next stage of their life post high school.   Often they are feeling a lot of pressure to learn a skill that will allow them to make money. As the cost of college/university education has increased this issue is even more in the forefront for many.   Fortunately there is also a move to re-introduce the apprentice system for many occupations.  The question, which many of these same students do not ask or are not encouraged to ask out loud is, “Why?” Why go to college or trade school or become an apprentice? Why make money?  Are we going to work in a job we hate (over 70% of the population of the United States) so that we can raise and educate children to take a job that they hate so that they can?  Really?

The other day, I was talking to the trainer who is working with me at the YMCA.  He is getting ready to take a test for additional certification. He is anxious about the test. I asked him what his girlfriend would say is his most valuable quality/characteristic?  I suggested she would say his heart.  He agreed that she would say that.    My sense of this young man is that he is lovingly present no matter what he is doing. Whether he is helping people as an exercise trainer, cooking a meal for his girlfriend, talking with a clerk in a store, his overt or covert goal is to treat others with love and respect.  At some point he has learned to take a metaphysical approach to all of life.  Whether that essential education came from his parent, another influential adult, a teacher, or it just clicked for him, he figured out that he must first explore “first principles” concepts of being and knowing.

I believe and “know” that life is very brief and that all that really matters is how well we love others and ourselves in this moment.

Theoretically, knowing that, “should” make it very easy for me to let go of whatever agenda/list of tasks I have set for the day and to give my complete attention to the person who is present or has just called, texted, or emailed me.  Of course, if I am driving, I will wait until there is a safe place to stop and respond.    Why it is, then, that I sometimes feel so anxious when I choose to attend to a person rather than a task?    I have given a lot of thought to what I believe is important and am very clear that most tasks are not that important.   Naturally, some tasks such as attending to driving, getting others and myself out of a burning building, or out of incoming traffic are very important.  I would also, of course, like, if at all possible, to board the airplane on which I have reservations.  Usually in those situations I can complete the tasks and then return a call, text, or email or make plans to be with someone.

I have sitting in front of the computer since I returned from the gym about 7:30. It is now 10:09.   My agenda included responding to email, posting today’s blog, and writing the draft of another one.  So far, in addition to these few words, I have responded to some unexpected email, talked to someone struggling with addiction, and talked to my good friends who called from Chicago. 

I am very happy with the choices I have made this morning.  None of the tasks on my morning post-gym list are that important – writing, posting blog, replanting part of garden destroyed by rain and summer heat, and cleaning.   There is no “reason” for me to be anxious about making new decisions about how I am going to spend my morning.  After all, if today something happened to prevent me from ever again communicating with one of these people I would feel sad for the next 12 life journeys at least!!!

So what is that other voice within me that nags me about completing the list of tasks I had written down for today.   That voice is a part of me.  The voice, which reminds me of my values, is also a part of me. Then there is another voice, which says, “For heavens sake, Jim, just stop it.” 

Last night the very bright, educated clients who are not mentally ill, said to me, “I want to do X. I do not want to do X.   I both want to do X and do not want the consequences of doing X.  I know what I would tell my daughter.”  Mercy!  So many different characters and, yet, they are all speaking with the same voice and coming out of the same body.

I could say, “I want to complete the task list. I do not care whether the tasks get done or not.  I want to be true to my chosen values.  I am confused.” 

Who is ‘the I?’    Who is the real/true Jim?  Well, Jim is all of these voices and, yet, Jim only has one voice.  Jim is the adult person who has carefully and prayerfully adopted a set of values/beliefs which he wants to use as his daily/hourly guide.  The voice, which says that your chores/tasks have to get done, is my mother and dad whom I loaded onto a memory stick and keep plugged in.  On this memory stick are the parents who did need help with many chores including fetching water from the well, cutting and bringing in wood for the stove on which we cooked and which provided heat in the winter, seeing to the care of the chickens, and maintaining the outhouse to name just a few. Then there is another memory stick of early teachers, which suggested other priorities.  There are also memory sticks for the teachings of the very conservative, Christian church I attended as a child.  This last one is loaded with all the messages reminding me of what a terrible sinner I am.  Some of the memory sticks have all the talks, lectures and readings I did on the thinking of Plato, Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Kaufman, the Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi and other explorers for ethical and moral truths.

If I choose to use the pronoun “I” for all the various voices on these memory sticks, I will feel very anxious because I am not doing what Jim tells me to do.   This constant struggle between the various voices causes a lot of internal anxiety. Yikes!  A lot!

Doing the next right thing – the task/activity, which Jim the adult has decided is the next right thing – will frequently cause some temporary anxiety. The other voices will compete with ‘Jim,’ which causes some internal stress.  I label this stress as anxiety.

Not doing the next right thing will also cause a lot of stress long term.

The question is whether I am willing to be with the short-term discomfort or will opt for the long-term consequences of ignoring the “Jim” voice.

I now can usually laugh at myself when I ‘hear’ this internal struggle. I can also remind myself that any discomfort I feel will pass. Sure, as is true for the woman who wants X (really wants X), there may be some long term sadness over not getting X, but there will also be long term internal peace knowing she did the next right thing.

She and I may need to remind ourselves that we are strong and that we have a clear faith that we are not alone  - that friends and our higher power will give us the strength we need to keep doing the next right thing.  If we stumble we can just notice and do the next right thing at that moment.

Written September 5, 2015

The psychological and spiritual literature contains many books and articles on theories of nature versus nurture.   Few scientists who study these issues disagree that we humans seems to be born with a particular genetic makeup which determine our basic personalities, - our basic life dance.  We are also more likely to be vulnerable to certain illnesses and factors such as height and weight.  Being who we are as humans, we are now at the point in our evolution when we are doing further research on how much we may be able to change or tweak our genetic heritage.  There is a lot of research on genetic engineering of embryos and even experiments on the tweaking of genetic codes which affect functioning of such organs as our lungs.

At the same time, social scientists have posited that the factors, which make up our basic personality, do not change throughout our lifetime. Although we could now debate what constitutes human personality and whether those too could be changed through genetic engineering or tweaking, that is not the purpose of this brief exploration.

Most individuals who have spent a lot of time with young children will say that every young child, practically from the moment of birth, seems to have what I am going to call a basic life dance.   For example it seems to me that there are certain children who one just “knows” are going to handle life on life terms and be okay.  There are other children who, like my young friend Gloria, come out of the womb eager and ready to begin their scientific exploration of the world. Gloria NEEDS to know about the laws of gravity, how shapes fit together, what happens when one disassembles something, and all manners of other knowledge.  I predict that this life dance will be the same throughout her life.   Other children I know are what Anne Lamotte calls the “overly sensitive children.”  These are the children and later the adults who have no filters. They take in any pain that is near and often are the very same children who have a passion for art and life in general.  They get labeled as overly sensitive because they have to stop and cry when someone else is hurt. They are the children who are unable to keep the painful family secrets.  Even as adults these children may suddenly feel like skipping and we find them skipping down the hallway in their very proper professional suits/attire.

These are also the children who may learn to “obey” family or social rules about the expression of emotions or they find some minimally socially acceptable way of expressing their emotions through art, dance, or music.  Those who learn just to obey the family or community rules and perhaps even learn to lie to themselves about their emotions will find that their body becomes very unhappy.  They may become clinically depressed, have an anxiety disorder, or other parts of their body will get unhappy.  Although there may be many causes for depression, anxiety, or other medical issues including genetic predisposition, frequently that predisposition has been fed by an attempt to be something or someone that they are not.   For example, an emotional young man or woman may learn to hide their emotions even from themselves.  When they develop some physical/medical complaints, i. e. anxiety, the chances are that they will be given some medication to mask the symptom or they will be told to learn to toughen up.  Men and women who have the most acute PTSD are often those who cannot participate in or even observe in combat situations without acute internal distress. 

Recently I was talking to a woman who is very lonely for intimate affection.  She was trying to tell herself that she could learn to treat others as sexual objects without any emotional or medical consequences.   This woman was either born with or has developed a very strong respect for the sacredness of all of we humans. She is unable to just  “use” another person.   When she attempts to do this she experiences a lot of physical symptoms of distress.  This same woman is unable in her professional workplace, which happens to be a hospital, to witness or even hear of a patient being mistreated without feeling that she has to take action.  She says that some other people seem to be able to just ignore such situations without any negative consequences. She is unable to do so.  She reports that even in preschool she was unable to ignore another child being mistreated.

There are many other examples.   There are people who write, perform musically, dance, paint, or who engage in other forms of creative expression because they “have to.”    They will tell one that if they do not, something in them dies.

Since the beginning of written language wise humans have been suggesting that it is imperative that we “know” ourselves.  They suggest that emotional, spiritual and, yes, physical health demands that we have the courage to open to ourselves who we are and to choreograph a life dance, which allows for the expression of that person. 

Occasionally, the expression of which one is would involve hurting or abusing other people. The most obvious examples may be people who are unable to empathize with others; who do not have the mechanism to mirror the other person.  This may be true of those we have come to label autistic.  Fortunately, we have made great strides in developing programs to help autistic children’s  and adult’s function in a way, which is not harmful to others. Often they are very skilled in working alone as researchers in a lab for example.  

Sadly for those folks who have an uncontrollable urge to have sex with an infant child, we have yet to find an effective treatment although in some cases medication might help.  We do know that punishing them does not work.

Getting to know ourselves and being true to that person will not, for most of us, involve hurting anyone else.  Being who are might be disappointing to one relative or other people.   For example I know a person who was pushed to get a doctorate degree in chemical engineering so that he could teach at the university level. He did that but was profoundly unhappy.  He really wanted to be a waiter in an upscale restaurant. He finally claimed the courage to quit his teaching job and get a job at this very elegant restaurant in Pittsburgh. That was many years ago. He still loves being a waiter.  I know another person whose mother was this very well- known educator. This mother expected her children to go to college. One of the daughters really wanted to be chef and another really wanted to be a hairdresser.  Both have been very happy in their respective professions.  Once mother recognized that going to college was  “not for them” she was very supportive of their pursuing their dream.

Many men and some women that I know have tried very hard to be that corporate attorney or business person who focused on being financially successful even if this sometimes means learning to mistreat some people and have been miserable. They have many physical and emotional symptoms of “distress.”  Some of their colleagues do well in that corporate world and do not seem to care if others gets used or hurt.  Others cannot do this without dire consequences.

It takes great courage to start the process of being honest with ourselves   Sometimes we do not know how to begin. For some yoga, meditation, or  therapy/coaching can be aids in learning to be quiet enough to “hear” one.   It is also true that healthy food, exercise, emotional support, and daily spiritual practice can help us be present with who we are.  Who we are might or might not match who we have thought we were or who we thought we should be.  I am not convinced that we can change who we basically are. We can change a lot of habits of thinking and behavior but not our essence. 

Written  September 3,  2015

A Very Busy Schizophrenic God

I was just about to put the newspaper into the recycle bin the other day in anticipation of a visit by my six-year old friend Sam.  Knowing, as I do, her uncanny ability to spot the smallest, most emotionally laden article in the newspaper, I was determined to  “protect” her. Actually, that is a lie. I was determined to try to avoid answering difficult questions about the contents of a small article on page 5 of the Metro section of the Tampa Tribune on September 3, 2015.   I knew her interest would not be piqued by the article on “Green turtle nest count breaks record” or even “Man accused of killing son during argument” although I was sure that would also catch her attention.  No, the article about which I was most concerned about was the one entitled “Muslims decry assault rifle with Bible verse”.   In this approximately 160-word article announcing that “Spike’s Tactical of Apopka, is marketing an assault rifle it claims was “designed to never be used by Muslim terrorists.”   The semi-automatic AR-15 rifle features a Christian cross engraved on one side and a Bible verse on the other: “Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.”   Who know that this same very loving God which that fellow Jesus talks about; that very same peaceful, all embracing Allah of my Muslim friend, Abdel, has an alter ego or separate personality which is committed to training  then hands of so-called Christians for war and their fingers for battle.”   Who knew that this very same Allah who is alleged by other extremists to await the arrival of the martyr wants to train the Christian to kill with the AR-15 rifle?     It is true, of course, that it was the belief of David and other leaders in Old Testament times that God would help them win battles.  Many still believe that.

I must protect Sam from this confusion. 

Oops, again she is too quick for me!

Sam:  Hi uncle Jim.

Me: Good morning Sam. How are you? All ready for school.

Sam: Yes but the bus does not come for 20 minutes.

Me:  How is school going?

Sam:  School is fine but that is not what I wanted to talk about Uncle Jim.

Me:  Oh. I was just reading this article about green turtles. Do you know about green turtles?

Sam:  (sigh) Uncle Jim!  (She is on to my diversionary tactics).   I was coming down the stairs and I heard my dad praying, “Oh my God, listen to this about gun shop selling assault rifle with bible verse on it.”

Me: Oh!

Sam:   Of course he tried to change the subject as soon as I came into the room!  I was not buying that. He said, ”Go ask Uncle Jim.”

Me:  I see (and I did. The more precocious Sam becomes the more often she appears at my house, which is conveniently next-door.)

Sam: Why was dad praying?

Me: Actually, I do not think he was praying Sam.  Sometimes we adults say “oh my god “ when we are surprised or shocked about something. I think your dad was shocked that someone was putting a Bible verse on a gun.”

Sam:  He said it was an assault rifle. What is an assault rifle? Do you use it like a sword?

Me: I just looked it up and the gun that they were talking about is not actually an assault rifle.  An assault rife has to be fully automatic. . An automatic gun is one, which keeps firing after one pulls the trigger one time.  It would be like the arm of your little robot doll, which just keeps moving as son as you turn it on.  In this case an automatic gun just keeps firing bullets meant to kill until it has used all its bullets. A semi-automatic rifle means the gun holds a lot of bullets but you have to pull the trigger for each one.

Sam:  Oh!  Like turning on my computer game which just keeps going until I turn it off.

Me:  Yes or like turning on the range in the kitchen, which stays hot until we turn it off.

Sam: Okay! I get it.  Why was dad upset?

Me:  Well, the rifle he was talking about was originally designed for the military and was meant to kill people. In old times, before Jesus, many people believed that God would help them use violence against their enemy.   This Bible verse on the rifle is part of a prayer of King David in the Old Testament.  You remember that we talked about what people believed before and after Jesus came to teach us.

Sam:  But why was dad upset?

Me: your mom and dad believe that the killing of each other has to stop.  They also know that most Muslims are very peaceful just as Jesus was peaceful.  Some people talk as if all Muslims are violent. You and I know Abdel and his children. They are Muslim and very loving. 

Sam:  Sometimes one part of me wants to do one thing and another part wants to do something else.  Maybe God is like that.

Me: People used to believe that there were many Gods but I believe that there is only one God and She wants us to love each other.

Sam:  I know.  We talked about that. I still want to hit that girl in class, but I try to nice because you told me too.  Can I have a dollar for being nice?

Me: Good try Sam!  No!

Although I daily remind myself and others of the gift of “dis ease,” occasionally  (well!  Perhaps more often!) I have to remind myself that it is important to listen to my body and be grateful that it always lets me know when something is not quite right.  Like all systems, I know that it cannot always be repaired. Eventually the body quits working. For some this is in a relatively short time. For others, it is comparatively a long time.

This seems like a pretty simple truth.   I know from my engineering background that if one uses inferior materials or ignores the basic laws of the material and the structure that the structure or object will not work for long if at all.   Recently I saw an exhibit of the works of M.S. Escher, the now deceased Dutch graphic designer/artist. I personally love some of his drawings of buildings which initially look as if they would be much fun to build.  Closer examination reveals that they are not structurally possible.   The concept is great fun but a delusion.    

Sometimes I look into the mirror or workout at the gym and it seems as if I can safely ignore parts of my health care.  I am very spoiled and even with a history of two serious illnesses, I am healthier than most my age and able to stay active and productive most of the time.  Thus, I know that it is relatively easy for me to convince myself that I can push myself beyond what I would recommend for anyone else.  Yet, eventually my body will just refuse to function any longer.  In some respects, my warning system is either not very loud or I am able to override the signals for a significant period of time.  There are exceptions. If, for example, I drink more than one small glass of wine I immediately.  My body quickly lets me know that this particular body is not designed to tolerate much alcohol.  The adult, healthy part of me is now very grateful that I cannot drink more than is healthy for me.  As a very young man, I thought my body was very wimpy and was embarrassed that I could not drink like other “MEN.”

I was also aware from a very early age that I am a very emotional person. Yet, as is true for many of we men, I learned from my parents and others that “men did not cry,” show too much affection, or admit to other signs of emotional weakness.  I can recall at a very early age deciding I would not cry, especially in front of anyone else and preferably not even in private.  I did not cry for many years until the death of my father when I was 26. Even then, I was chided and ushered off to a private room so no one would observe me crying.   The clear messages were, “Be a man. Don’t make a scene.”    I also learned not to talk about my emotions although I did learn that expressing anger was more okay and a “good” way to keep people from pressing me about what I was feeling or from trying to get too close emotionally or physically.

By the time I was a teenager, I was anxious much of the time.  Although I tried to be always there for friends and family, I did not allow others “too close” to me because I knew that I could not keep my emotions buried and allow folks close.  

Still, being the spoiled person I was, I was able to get through school, serve in the military, attend the U. S. Naval Academy, and otherwise appear to function well.  I was even able to get married although my lack of willingness to share emotionally eventually took its toll on the marriage.

My body repeatedly attempted to get my attention with feelings of anxiety, an upset intestinal system, and other nuisance physical and emotional symptoms of “dis ease.”    

Even though I appeared to continue to function well in most areas of my life, my body never or seldom felt good for long.  I was able to ignore the messages of my body.  I am sure that the fact that I ate fairly well did not drink much alcohol or caffeine, and exercised all helped me ignore the voice of my body for a long time.

There came a time when I could no longer ignore the fact that my body was unhealthy and yet, other than anxiety or a general sense of disease, there was no illness which the doctor could diagnose.  

I finally had to admit to myself and then to a therapist that the sense of “dis ease” was because I was trying to be someone I was not.  For whatever reason, I am a very emotional person meaning I experience love, joy, beauty, and other sensations very intensely.  When I do not own and do not share those emotions my body is at war with itself. This was why I was so anxious.

Getting rid of the symptom took a lot of work and included the following steps:

·      Admitting to myself and then to others that I am an emotional person.

·      On an intellectual level at first, intentionally accepting that the emotional part of me is something to be honored and celebrated.

·      Reinforcing the new messages with writing, speaking a new truth, and relaxing my “dance.”

·      Hiring a coach/therapist to guide me through this process.  I needed someone who did not let me intellectualize the process. I was great at learning to talk about my emotions. Sharing them was something quite different.

·       Selecting a support system with whom I could learn to be comfortably myself – people whose did not expect me to “suck it up like a man.”

·      Redefining strength as the willingness to have the courage to be who I am no matter what others thought or did not think.

Written September 1, 2015

Fired up for a wedding

On Monday, August 31, 2015, ‘Fired Up For a Wedding’ was the headline on the front page of the Metro section of the Tampa Tribune.   This headline was the introduction to an article by Geoff Fox on the wedding of Melissa and Gary at the Shooters World in Tampa. Immediately after the wedding the couple fired shots at targets, which had been lovingly imprinted with “Melissa and Gary – Shooting Forever”. The wedding cake topper was a bride and groom each sporting a pistol which their backs to each other.   The groom’s boutonniere was make of a .308 shell casing.  Apparently the shooting range was their “favorite date-night destination.”   The actual ceremony which took place at the banquet room of Shooter World and featured more traditional endearing and personal vows.

Well, who knew that shooting ranges had banquet rooms much less might host a wedding?  Not I!  Of course I am well aware that there are couples and, I suppose, families in which shooting is a shared interest. Certainly, living as a child for many years in the country I was aware that most women were taught to handle a gun in case wild animals such as coyotes attempted to bother the farm animals.  Many people (men and women) also hunted animals such as deer, rabbit, and squirrel for food. Unless someone butchered a hog or a cow, families were often dependent on what one would hunt and kill.  I do not, however, recall anyone ever romantizing their relationships with their guns or making guns the symbol of their relationship. 

Apparently Gary and Mellissa had no trouble finding a baker who had no objections to using the image of them standing back to back each holding pistols.  Perhaps they did not have as much trouble as some gay couples have had finding a baker who would use a cake topper featuring two men or two women.

Of course, I hope that Gary and Mellissa are very happy together for many years just as I hope that every other couple that marry create a loving home together which nourishes them for many years.  I also hope and pray that if they have children and one of them happens to be a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender person that they embrace and support the choice of their partner as much as their friends supported them in their rather unorthodox venue and wedding ritual. 

Although I do not like guns in general, I certainly was appreciative of their use to insure that we had food on the table at times growing up. Although my parents did not hunt, we certainly gratefully accepted food that others gave us and enjoyed fresh pork or beef when someone butchered a pig or cow.  As is true with many Native Americans, I am committed to taking a moment to express gratitude to the animal whose meat nourishes me.   On the other hand, I am not comfortable with the fact that we humans kill each other with guns and other weapons.  I was happy to recently read that some law enforcement folks are revisiting the issue of wider use of non-lethal weapons.  Although I appreciate that any weapon could be potentially lethal to a few, i.e.  stun guns, the goal of shooting to kill as is done with guns is not one that I can support.   The killing of another person affects the shooter, the person killed, and the loved ones of the person killed.  I do believe that we always pay a price when we hurt each other – that we are so intimately connected/interdependent - that we cannot hurt someone else without hurting all of human kind.

If either Gary or Mellissa were my child, I would have had a difficult time with their choice of venue, the choice of decorations, and some of the symbolism used, but I would hope that I would have been very supportive of their choices.  If they had asked I would have shared my concerns, but only if they had asked.

Practicing what I recommend to others is not as easy for me when it comes to issues about which I strongly disagree.   Yet, I know that if I want to do my part to create a more loving and just world I have to be willing to listen with love and respect to those with whom I disagree. That also then allows me to remember to be appreciative of why it is so difficult for others to “hear” some of my opinions and beliefs.

Written August 31, 2015

As my regular readers know, my Sunday morning ritual includes listening to the interviews by Krista Tippett on the NPR program, “On Being.”  Sunday, the 30th of August 2015 I listened to her 2013 interview with Grace Lee Boggs, philosopher, activist, and revolutionary.   Mrs. Boggs is now in a nursing home, but at the time of the interview she was still living in her home, which was also the headquarters of the Boggs Center to Nurture Community Leadership, which was founded in 1990 by friends of Grace and Jimmy Boggs.

It is, of course, noteworthy, that Mrs. Boggs the daughter of a Chinese immigrant born in 1915 not only attended the prestigious Brynn Mawr College, but also went on to get a PhD in philosophy – a feat that was unusual, especially for a woman.  Mrs. Boggs says, “Well, you know, I was born in 1915 and I was in college as an undergraduate in the 1930s. And many of my friends became very radical. They flirted with the Communist Party, and I decided to drop all my classes and take up philosophy. I don't know why. If you would ask me what philosophy is or was, I would not have been able to tell you. But somehow I knew that we were at one of those breaking points where we had to begin rethinking things.”

As is true for many of us, what becomes our life passion often begins with the simple dream of leaving the place where we are emotionally and intellectually only to find that what follows has as its base that which we leaving. What we are leaving may be the feeling that we want to know even what questions to asks or to discover a world outside the small circle in which we have grown up or even a vague notion that there has to be a better way for we humans to live together.   It may feel as if we stumble upon a class or course of study, a job, or a relationship, which changes our life, but, in fact, we are often, unconsciously building upon that sense of “dis ease” from which the dream evolved.

Dr. Boggs was attending school in the thirties. When many of her friends “flirted with communism” she decided to “drop all her classes and take up philosophy.”  The study of philosophy would challenge her to rethink all that she knew or others thought that they knew.   The study of the thought and challenge of the dialectics of Frederick Hegel would lead to her lifelong work with turning the double negative into a positive.   She states:  “And that gave me the opportunity to become a graduate student in philosophy and to begin reading Hegel who had danced around the tree of liberty in 1781 as a young man. And then, in 1831, had experienced the contradictions of the French Revolution and was talking about the need to expand our subjectivity and to see how the positive has to be achieved through the labor-patient suffering of the negative, and that began to give me a whole new way of thinking about change in how it develops, how it takes place.” 

Later she goes on to talk about the fact that with the automobile  (and the trucks to haul goods) whose factories not only provided decent jobs for many and which gave us the freedom to travel in a way not previously possible, also became a vehicle for an increasing distance from each other.   She reminded me of why I hated living in a suburb.  I could drive home, hit my automatic garage door opener, enter the garage, and spend the rest of the evening only having contact with my nuclear family.  Unless one happened to see one’s neighbor when they simultaneously emerged to get their mail or the newspaper, one could go weeks, months or longer between “sightings.” Often in these sorts of neighborhoods many hired lawn service companies to take care of their lawns. One might “garden” in the back yard, but often it was fenced and thus provided another form of separation from one’s neighbor.   Getting to and from work in the private car, unless one carpools, does not require any contact with any other human.

The most social place was often the neighborhood giant grocery store which one might run in to neighbors that felt free to divert one from one’s mission.

When the United States placed an embargo against Cuba (The United States embargo against Cuba (in Cuba called el bloqueo, "the blockade") is a commercial, economic, and financial embargo imposed by the United States on Cuba) several positive things happened.  Since there was no gas for vehicles and, thus, no easy way to transport food from the farms to the city, community gardens spring up.   With community gardens came more cooperation and daily contact.  Also, people were more likely to be going about their day on foot or bicycle.  This intensified the sense of community.  Also, they were forced to help each other with home projects and to take care of each other in general.  In addition, more homes, especially in rural areas, had solar power.  Certainly, other issues were not so relatively easy to address.  There was often not money or supplies for making even simple repairs. There was much about the government dictatorial rule, which was unkind and even cruel.  On the positive side, in the midst of this change, Cuba developed a medical school system which provided doctors and other medical staff to much of South America.

As the prosperity of the auto industry in Detroit slowed down and/or got moved to other areas of the country and forced the closing of much auxiliary business, the city residents began to make changes. They, too, began to create community gardens and to find other ways of reclaiming ways of taking care of each other – of being neighbors. To be sure they are still dealing with the shrinkage of the city from a high of about 2 million people to about 750,000.  The city residents are reducing the physical size of the city since the population cannot support the infrastructure of such a large area.  They are still dealing with the number of abandoned houses. 

Many of the negatives are still negatives. Yet, in pure Hegelian fashion, many of the residents are creating positives out of double negatives.

Dr. Boggs states,  “In the '60s, as you know, all hell broke loose, mostly in the big cities, but Detroit was one of the biggest. And that outbreak, that explosion, the media called it a riot because it was obviously a breakdown of law and order. Radicals and the black community called it a revolution. And it made me think what is the difference between a revolution and a rebellion? I never thought about it.

I realized that rebellion was mainly an explosion of anger and revolution was a tremendous leap forward from man's evolution and consciousness and responsibility and a new way of thinking. And that's how the events of the city have shaped my thinking. And I think, until one has had an opportunity to understand how language constantly has to change in response to changing events and how we are living in a time of enormous changes, we have the opportunity to change our thinking, to change our philosophy by responding to and really trying to understand what's happening, what time it is on the clock of the world.”

We humans “know” that in order for positive change to occur we have to change our thinking.  Whether it is in the area of equality, finances, community, international relationships, or the rights of those whose voice has been silenced, we have to give ourselves permission to think differently.   Individuals such a Dr. Boggs and the long line of creative teachers, philosophers, artists, and other revolutionaries invite us to do that that- to co-opt, if one will, the negatives into creating a more creative, loving, just, community/neighborhood. This is doable.

We can feed the ability that we had as children to dream.  We can “To sleep! Perchance to dream: - ay, there's the rub; 
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come…” It is, as we know, always in ashes of death that new dreams arise. And Blossom? And Bloom!

Written August 30,2015