“Zip it!”
Every morning I receive an email for Hazelden entitled “Today’s Gift”. It is a short reminder of some spiritual lesson intended primarily for those dealing with addiction issues. I have found, however, that it is always a helpful reminder for me as well as several friends with whom I share it. This morning the reminder was from Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson. It was entitled, “Zip it.” The first sentence was: “Not every thought needs to become a spoken work.” As so often happens this reminder reached me at a time when I was already attempting to zip my lips or more accurately to refrain from responding to an opinion expressed in an email by a very good friend of mine. I had been surprised by the opinion since this friend and I often seem to share not only the same concerns, but the approaches to dealing with these concerns. My friend had expressed her opinion in very strong terms. I wanted to tell her why I thought she had completely missed the point of the reason for the action. Despite the fact that this is a very educated and thoughtful person I was convinced that I needed to not only share my thoughts but explain why my thoughts were more accurate than hers.
Part of me immediately knew that if I was going to respond the most reasonable response was to ask her if she could share with me the reasons for her opinion. Another part of me reasoned that the issue was one that we would continue to disagree about and, thus, did not need any response. Yet, another part of me reasoned that my motivation for addressing this issues could be a need to be prove my opinion the “right” one. Then I had to ask myself why I would need to be right and my friend wrong. It was and is, after all, an issue which leaves open many possible opinions none of which are based on scientific facts.
This friend of mine and I share many common values. We do, however, have opposing opinions on many different subjects. We also have some very different areas of expertise. I am not threatened by her expertise nor is she threatened by mine. We learn a lot from each other.
Obviously, there is no rational reason why we need to agree on this issue or that one of us needs to right and the other one wrong.
I choose not to respond to her opinion. There might be a time when I will share the internal struggle which ensued after I read her opinion. There might also be a time when I will ask her to share more about how she arrived at her passionate opinion.
Given the very solid nature of our friendship I have no idea why I felt such a strong desire to express my opposing opinion. It was not an issue which directly affects the core of our friendship. It was not an issues which should threaten me or make me fearful in any way. Yet, there I was with this powerful desire to express and justify my opinion. Of course, I would like to think that I have no need to be right! Yet, I am sure that I am not 100% cured of that habit which is very common for us humans. At any rate, I will keep being intentional about zipping up my lip or keeping fingers off of key board. Oh yes, I will also resist any temptation to be bit by the tweeting bug!
Written September 26, 2017
Every morning I receive an email for Hazelden entitled “Today’s Gift”. It is a short reminder of some spiritual lesson intended primarily for those dealing with addiction issues. I have found, however, that it is always a helpful reminder for me as well as several friends with whom I share it. This morning the reminder was from Tending Dandelions by Sandra Swenson. It was entitled, “Zip it.” The first sentence was: “Not every thought needs to become a spoken work.” As so often happens this reminder reached me at a time when I was already attempting to zip my lips or more accurately to refrain from responding to an opinion expressed in an email by a very good friend of mine. I had been surprised by the opinion since this friend and I often seem to share not only the same concerns, but the approaches to dealing with these concerns. My friend had expressed her opinion in very strong terms. I wanted to tell her why I thought she had completely missed the point of the reason for the action. Despite the fact that this is a very educated and thoughtful person I was convinced that I needed to not only share my thoughts but explain why my thoughts were more accurate than hers.
Part of me immediately knew that if I was going to respond the most reasonable response was to ask her if she could share with me the reasons for her opinion. Another part of me reasoned that the issue was one that we would continue to disagree about and, thus, did not need any response. Yet, another part of me reasoned that my motivation for addressing this issues could be a need to be prove my opinion the “right” one. Then I had to ask myself why I would need to be right and my friend wrong. It was and is, after all, an issue which leaves open many possible opinions none of which are based on scientific facts.
This friend of mine and I share many common values. We do, however, have opposing opinions on many different subjects. We also have some very different areas of expertise. I am not threatened by her expertise nor is she threatened by mine. We learn a lot from each other.
Obviously, there is no rational reason why we need to agree on this issue or that one of us needs to right and the other one wrong.
I choose not to respond to her opinion. There might be a time when I will share the internal struggle which ensued after I read her opinion. There might also be a time when I will ask her to share more about how she arrived at her passionate opinion.
Given the very solid nature of our friendship I have no idea why I felt such a strong desire to express my opposing opinion. It was not an issue which directly affects the core of our friendship. It was not an issues which should threaten me or make me fearful in any way. Yet, there I was with this powerful desire to express and justify my opinion. Of course, I would like to think that I have no need to be right! Yet, I am sure that I am not 100% cured of that habit which is very common for us humans. At any rate, I will keep being intentional about zipping up my lip or keeping fingers off of key board. Oh yes, I will also resist any temptation to be bit by the tweeting bug!
Written September 26, 2017
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